Celebrity Juice (2008) s16e10 Episode Script
Rick Astley, Melanie C, Ricky Wilson, Paddy McGuinness, Melvin Odoom
1 I'm Keith Lemon and these are my not-new titles.
We'll change them next series.
There's Holly Willoughbooby coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers, boi! There's Fearne Cotton who pretends to hate me but secretly wants me babies.
And there's Gino Sheffield D'Acampo with a tiny willy! We are all here in heaven but don't worry, we are not dead.
It's just an overelaborate metaphor for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? It's Celebrity Juice on telly.
Not 4K ready.
What the fuck is 4K? (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Yes! Hoorah! You know what I'm talking about.
Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
I'm Keith Lemon.
Good luck to America.
Good luck, you guys.
It's the last in the present series.
I'm really excited because all of the people on the panel tonight are just my friends.
They worry, we will be back at Christmas for a special.
And some other specials.
So, without further ado, let's meet our team captains.
First up is Holly Willoughboozy.
Who is on your team? Well, on my right, he lights up a room.
It's Melvin Odoom.
And on my left is the legend that is Sporty Spice, it's Melanie C.
OK, let's meet our other team captain, it's Fearne Cotton.
Fearne, who's on your team? On my left, it's the king of dough balls, it's Gino! (CHANTING 'GINO, GINO') Fucking King of dough balls? Yes.
That's you.
What do you w No, like, a TV chef.
Oh, fuck off.
On my right, it is '80s legend Rick Astley! Thank you.
My pleasure.
It is the last in the present series so I have upped the ante.
First of all, this is not 45 minutes long, it's going to be an hour! # HALLELUJAH! And, for the first time ever on Celebrity Juice, our panellists will be going home with prizes if you win.
Oh, wow.
So what here we have the celebrity mountain of prizes.
We have the complete fourth series of Friends on VHS.
Yes.
A brand-new double cassette player with tape to tape recording capability.
Yes.
A cat's shit in a bag! A variety of sex toys for Holly, a lovely twin pack for Fearne and, for both of them, some vagina wipes.
Oh, yes.
Just what I always wanted.
Do you know what? I knew you were going to do something like this for the end of series.
So I have brought a secret weapon.
Say what? He is one of my favourite people.
It's Paddy McGuinness! Wait, wait, wait.
So you've just got three teammates now? Y Yeah, but you've got Rick Astley, he is worth three.
He is definitely worth, like, five people.
But it's unfair.
You don't count.
I'm going to go get an audience member.
You're going to get an audience member? Whoa! Get a normal person.
She's doing it.
Don't get a minger.
Don't get a minger, get somebody pretty.
OK.
For the first time, we are going to have a real person on Celebrity Juice.
People on Twitter always say, why don't you get a real person on? Because then it would be called Real Person Juice.
I have spotted someone I like the look of.
There is a beautiful young lady down here with fine blonde locks.
I'm going to go for you, young lady, please, that would be great.
This one.
Who is your mate? Take a seat.
It's the ghost of Kurt Cobain.
So, pretty lady, what's your name? Hello.
Is he one of your mates? Yeah.
It's one of my mates.
I can tell who it is.
It's Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs! Hi, Ricky.
May I just say, we all knew that Ricky was there.
Gino! Every time! But we have met Ricky before.
Stop ruining the illusion of telly.
They're not a bunch of idiots! Hi, is that Brexit? Yeah.
If you can come tonight, that is not soon enough, yeah? All right, thanks.
# Never gonna give you, never gonna let you down # Never gonna huh huh huh and desert you It's Rick Astley! Rick Astley, it's so good to have you here at Celebrity Juice.
I'm very excited to be in your presence.
I'm very excited to be here.
I'm gonna to give you some stats here.
OK.
You probably know this.
Why am I sweating? Rick became the biggest pop star on the planet back in 1987.
You have now sold over 40 million records worldwide and your single, Never Gonna Give You Up, went to number one in 25 countries.
Big up your chest! Me and my sister literally used to make up dance routines and learn the words to all of your songs.
Like, obsessed.
Thank you, I am honoured.
You were so successful back in the day, you retired when you are 27.
I did.
Back in 1993.
What did you do with your time, just watch This Morning, wanking into bin liners? That is exactly what I did.
It's easier than a tissue because, sometimes, a tissue, Rick, a tissue can grab hold of you.
It is on me! But with a bin liner, it never sticks.
You know what I'm saying, don't you, Melvin? I feel you, my brother.
You know I need a lot of tissue.
Hey! (LAUGHS) Rick, you have retired from retiring because you've got a new album.
There it is.
Rick Astley, 50.
Number one album! Thank you.
50.
What's the message? I'm getting on a bit.
It's a midlife crisis.
Are you 50? Of course I'm 50.
It is a midlife crisis.
Fearne, what was it like when you turned 50? Can you remember a few years ago on the Internet, when you click on something, like a cat playing a piano, and then suddenly Rick Astley would pop up? Yeah, Rick Rolling or something.
# Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down Yeah, Rick Rolling.
Which made me come up with a good idea.
So let's play Rick Rolling.
# LIMP BIZKIT - Rollin' As you can see, I am stood in front of a large carpet that I borrowed from my mate, Jonesy.
What we are going to do with this, Rick Astley, is we are going to lay you down.
I can't wait.
And your teammates are going to roll you.
Then you will unroll yourself.
You have to do this within the time that the chorus to Never Gonna Give You Up plays.
If you do it in time, you'll get a point for your team.
If it takes you longer than the chorus takes, you won't win nuffin'.
OK.
We can play Never Gonna Give You Up.
We are watching ITV2.
It's a dream.
Yeah, see, look at this.
Go! # Never Gonna Give You Up Unroll, unroll! Yes! You are watching ITV2.
We are Rick Rolling.
I've got to be fair, I've got to let Holly's team have a go also.
Do you want to have a go? No.
Are we Paddy rolling? You are Paddy rolling.
It's Holly's team! # LIMP BIZKIT - Rollin' If you beat 14 seconds, you will get two points.
You go on the klaxon.
Let's roll! Three, two, one.
(KLAXON) # Never Gonna Give You Up Unroll, unroll! (MUSIC STOPS) Cheaters! All right, you both get a point because you both did the challenge.
Thank you.
The scores at the end of that round are When I say Mel, you say C.
Mel! C! Mel! C! Recognise Mel C! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
It's been a long time.
It's been a while, hasn't it? Too long.
You are looking good.
Thanks, babe.
You always look tick.
You got a new album.
There it is.
I have.
Mel C, slightly ashamed of being Mel C, not showing my face on my album cover.
But the thought process behind that shot was really Because you know the tattoo, that cross tattoo? Yeah.
It's quite iconic from the Spice Girls days, isn't it? So I thought it was quite nice to have a picture people go, "I recognise that but who is it?" And then you are drawn in and you say, "ah".
And it says Melanie C on it so they will probably know it's you.
Yeah.
True.
It's been a big year for you this year.
It's the 20th anniversary of the Spice Girls! # SPICE UP YOUR LIFE Congratulations.
How does that feel? Erm 20 years.
It feels weird because it feels like yesterday.
But sometimes it feels like a never even happened at all.
It's very odd.
We got a picture of you back in the day.
There you are.
You have had some haircuts in your day.
Oh, babe.
Every time you had a different haircut, you look like a different celebrity.
Do you think? I think so.
Are we going to see? Let's have a look.
Here is when you looked like Sally Webster from Coronation Street.
Then you went through your Justin Bieber phase.
And what is unique about you when you change your hair, you can sometimes look like two people.
Oh, God.
What now? You can look simultaneously like Mel and Sue.
I tell you what, he's got the most Irish name of any man on earth, but he is a Bolton bastard.
It's Paddy McGuinness! (IMITATES PADDY) Are you here to plug anything? Nope.
Can I ask you something? Paddy, why can't you swim? Here we go.
This is a thing he will always deny.
And I don't think you should be shy, there is nothing wrong with not being able to swim.
I was a lifeguard.
So you've got to be able to swim.
Yeah, I used to be a fashion model.
I can swim, for god's sake.
Who would give you a job as a lifeguard if you can't swim? I can swim! I've got you a gift here.
It's a start pack to get you doing your 10 m.
Here we go.
Thank you.
Do you want me to show you how to save someone? Have you got your pyjamas with you? I don't need them.
But I can do all that, go down for that rubber brick and all that.
Lie down there.
Lie down.
What, pretend we're in water? Yeah.
I'll go along with it, I'll go along with it.
Face down.
So I'd spot you.
The water is hurting me! Ahhhhhh! And then I come in.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Right, what I do, I come in, I do that, like back, and I roll you over, like that.
And I go like that.
Boom, boom, boom, shake the room - it's Melvin Odoom! I tell you what, I am so proud to have one of my close friends on Strictly Come Dancing.
I'm so proud of you.
How's it going on Strictly Come Dancing? Do you think you can win? I was eliminated first week.
Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ed Balls is a better dancer than you.
Him who can't pick up a lady is a better dancer.
Ed tries and everyone kind of loves his journey, his story and I love it.
He works really hard.
He gets better.
It's not just about how great a dancer you are.
It's about your journey on the show.
Yeah, but your journey didn't happen, did it? You don't need Strictly anyway.
Let's move on.
Thanks, Keith.
What are you going to be doing for Christmas then? I'm going to be doing the Strictly Christmas Special.
Let's move on.
OK, it's now time to play one of my favourite games of the series.
It's 5 Second Fool Xtreme! Hi, I'm Keith Lemon.
Welcome to 5 Second Fool.
You know this game.
It's in a wobbly chair.
First up to play it is Melvin Odoom! Don't produce a brown egg Ready? Yeah.
You've done Strictly.
Melvin Odoom, give me the name of three things that are sticky.
Poo, glue, and you.
Very good.
This is.
No! Give me the name of three sexy animals.
Giraffe, lion, and a jaguar.
Three things that require lubrication.
The bottom, the mouth, and the eyes.
Very good.
Melvin Odoom, everyone.
Next up to play is Ricky Wilson.
Let's show them how it's done.
Feeling confident? Yeah.
I'll switch it on.
You know how to play, don't you? Yeah, five seconds, 3 answers.
Easy.
Got you.
Three different things you may spit out.
Semen, toffee, a scampi fry.
Toffee! Three things you might ride.
Bicycle.
Erm A presidential candidate.
A tortoise.
Three words that you hate.
Melrose.
No, can I start again? No.
Cabbage, foliage, plimsoll.
(KLAXON) Ricky Wilson, everyone.
Very good, very good.
Gino D'Acampo is gossiping behind me, so because of that, Gino D'Acampo.
I really need to go for a wee.
Sit down.
What the fuck? OK, did you put it higher? Three places you might piss yourself.
Are trousers, nappy, toilet.
Three places you would never see a squirrel.
In the bath, in the sea, in the Have you wet yourself? I think I did a little wee.
OK.
The name of three different sexual positions you have done this week.
71, doggy style and the radio 1.
What 71? As you are having a glass of wine, and I can do that.
71? 69, two fingers in the bum hole, but this time I also had a glass of wine.
I didn't know that was possible.
I think you would spill your wine.
font color="#0 secret is to put a pillow behind your head.
Gino D'Acampo, The scores at the end of that round are shatiiing! We are going to an ad break now, see you in three.
Coming up after t'break: Hurrah! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
I predict a riot, it's Ricky Wilson.
There's a hole in my soul that can only be filled by you I love that song.
Thanks for singing a new one.
I like your new album.
It's a different sound to your other stuff, in't it? Yeah.
I like it more.
We've got your album here.
Here it is.
Here's the Kaiser Chiefs' new album.
Stay Together.
We've got a picture of you with the rest of Kaiser Chiefs.
You look nice.
You got some nice clobber, an't you? You've not made an effort tonight, you've just got a T-shirt on.
I have.
I got it all when I did the Voice.
I was desperate to get my licence fee back from the BBC.
When you did the Voice, Boy George said you were a very sexualised person.
Did he? That's what it says on these cards.
They must be true.
Maybe he brings it out in me then.
What do you think a sexualised person means? I don't know, just constantly with a semi on.
I think I know what Boy George is talking about.
I was watching some old repeats on UK Gold a little while ago and I saw something there.
Have a look at this.
At this point, does anybody like to ask lovely Barbara Windsor a question? Oh! Hands went up.
There's a lovely young person over there.
What would you like to ask, young man? You said you liked young men.
How young would you go? Are you offering? We'll talk after.
The legend there.
Can you just confirm that was you? Yes, that was me, yes.
You were coming onto Barbara Windsor, there.
We've all done it.
Usually in our teens in front of the TV on a Saturday afternoon.
What is the oldest you would have a little tinker with? Oh, erm Alive still? Yeah.
I don't know, it totally depends on the person and the personality.
Gino, what about you? What's the oldest lady you would go with? Hillary Clinton.
I would.
You can make a good soup with an old chicken.
Well, last week, we played a new game called Rhyming Street and it's been a worldwide phenomenon.
I don't think it's been a worldwide phenomenon.
It's caught on.
So let's go down there.
Let's go down now to Rhyming Street.
Hello everyone.
Welcome to Rhyming Street.
You'll see lots of celebrities do things that rhyme.
You have to spot them.
Stay focused.
You know, you've got to bid for how many you think you can get, yeah.
Stay focused.
Eyes on the VT.
Run it.
Oh, look, it's that guy from One Direction - he's doing some things.
Clowns.
They've been naughty this year, haven't they? Clowns.
I don't like clowns any more.
Nothing I love more than a park bench with a seal on it.
Weather is terrible, now, though, in't it? Really, it's got really cold.
We'll go to the pub after this, yeah? I love the pub.
Especially with Susannah Reid.
Mmm.
Sweet times.
Especially a pub next to a florist.
What a lovely dream.
It makes me get an erect like a tent.
Get an erect? I mean an erection.
Post office, love the post office.
Nothing worse than getting a red postcard saying, "We've tried to deliver something, but you weren't in.
" Who's that running past there? 'I'll do the best.
We'll build up relationships.
I might be telling porkie pies.
' The launderette, look who it is, haven't seen her for time.
Who's that bent over? Oh, he's having fun.
He's loving it.
He's dancing in front of a man with a tongue.
Fearne's team? Nine and a red herring.
Oooh.
You greedy bastard! As soon they go in, they go out.
I can feel them leaving my brain.
What are we going to do? Paddy is quite good at this.
Paddy knows all of them.
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
We will have a go at 10.
10, yeah? Go on then.
10? Yeah.
Give it a bash.
You say nine, Holly's team say ten.
What's your first one? Niall whathisname Horan.
Wearing a sporran.
Let's have a look.
That's correct.
Chris Brown punching a clown.
Let's have a look.
That's correct.
Ian Beale going down on a seal.
Ian Beale going down on a seal.
Correct.
50 Cent in a tent.
50 Cent in a tent.
50 Cent pitching a tent, we'll give you that.
Saddam Hussein dancing in the rain.
Saddam Hussein dancing in the rain.
That's correct.
Susannah Reid smoking weed.
Susannah Reid smoking weed.
Susan Boyle covered in foil.
Susan Boyle wrapped in tinfoil.
We will give you that.
The red herring's Ross Kemp licking a chocolate starfish.
It's Ross Kemp eating arse! Don't rhyme, don't rhyme.
Tell us the name of the celebrity.
Tell us what we've done.
You've done Whoa, whoa, whoa! I predict a riot, I predict a riot Donald Trump doing a long jump.
Donald Trump doing a long jump, let's have a look, yes it is.
Yes! I've just been told you've got one more to get.
We know it.
One more what? We've got it.
We know it.
Eamonn Holmes holding some gnomes.
Let's have a look.
That's correct.
That's a point for Holly's team.
They were told by the audience! The scores at the end of that round are shaating! Fearne, can I ask you a question? Go for it.
Have you ever wondered how long a piece of string is? Yes, sometimes I ponder that question.
Holly, have you ever followed a piece of string just to see where it goes? No, but I'd like to.
Well, you're going to love this game.
Let's play: # How long does the string go? # (CAT MEOWS) As you can see, I'm here with Fearne Cotton and Holly Willoughboozy as you can see.
You've got string here attached to your faces here.
You will take the end of this piece of string and follow it.
The first person back with the string will win a point for the team.
It's that easy! I will just talk until the klaxon goes.
(KLAXON) There it is.
There they are, both following the string.
Look at Fearne! She has gone She is gone out of here.
Oh, we are going up here.
Hi everyone.
Fearne is over in the audience.
She is gathering the piece of string.
This is really tactical.
Gino's got this.
Off she goes, come on Holly.
A very competitive lady.
Oh my God.
Fearne is travelling over Under him and his bellybutton.
There's Holly.
She's outside in the corridor.
Where is Fearne? She is near the Portakabins where we like to do pees and poos.
She is in the men's toilets.
What will she find in the men's toilet? Fearne is outside.
There's Gino's friends.
Mafia posse.
The Rock, there.
He's not working in Hollywood, he's working for Gino.
Oh my God, hi! I'm sorry! Look at those guys.
They really your mates, Gino? Yes, they are.
Fearne looks like she's in the Bronx.
There are some of the animals you might remember.
Jonathan Ross, I think he fucked that cat.
Living the dream.
Look at that! Boom.
(SCREAMS) Shit! You're joking! Oh my God.
I can't go back.
Get the string.
I got it, I got it! That's it, run, run like the wind.
# Crystal Maze Theme I'm so sorry.
That's really bad.
I was really bad.
There was a man having a shit.
And then that clown, I literally nearly wet myself.
Holly, you gave it a good go.
I was rubbish.
You was rubbish.
That means Fearne's team wins the point.
That's a really good game, I don't know why we don't do that every week.
I really enjoyed that.
On the last show that's a good game, pulling the string.
Huh? Do you think you could do as good as Fearne? Do you? Anyone can do that.
Can we remove these faces and let's get Gino up here.
I'm not doing it on my own.
There would be no jeopardy.
Paddy McGuinness is going to play.
Welcome to How Long Is a Piece of String? Earlier, Gino D'Acampo was moaning about it, saying it was a piece of shit.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
B-b-b-beh, like my mam used to make, fantastico.
So we've got him going against Paddy McGuinness.
Paddy, you're right up for this, aren't you? Yes.
You think it's an exciting game, it's got jeopardy.
Really exciting.
Do you think you can beat Paddy McGuinness? (SCOFFS) I've got to say Oh, it's like that, is it? Fucking Bolton boy.
I'm ready for this.
Oh God yes.
There is no need for violence.
(KLAXON) There you go! Roll into a ball.
Roll it into a ball.
We are a bit tangled.
He is off.
Come on, Gino, you can do it.
There he goes.
Paddy is outside.
What the fuck?! What is that? He is enjoying that guy's bellybutton.
Gino is coming out.
He is going around Fred Siri-sex from Fucking French (BLEEP)! Following down there, that's right.
He is following the track there, where we normally play the cardboard box game, all the way down.
Not many people go that far down when they're playing the cardboard box game.
There he goes.
He is following it into there.
And shut that door.
Goodbye! Goodbye to Gino D'Acampo.
Yeeeaaaah! Yes! That's a point to Paddy, that's Holly's team.
Did you see what happened to Gino? No, what happened to him? Do you know what happened to him? No.
Well, Brexit came and they've taken him.
I tell you what, Fearne, I knew one day Brexit would find him, so what I did a few weeks ago is make a replica of Gino to fill in for you.
That's much easier for all of us.
I'm sure it'll work just as well, yeah.
OK.
In the eventuality of Gino being caught by Brexit, I made this.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Just like his mamma used to make.
That is perfect.
We haven't got to deal with any of his stupid bullshit.
And the scores at the end of that round are shatiiing! We are going to an ad break now.
I'm going for a poo, I'll see you in two.
Coming up after t'break: Have you got a love in your life? No.
We've got a picture of you with your girlfriend.
There she is.
(APPLAUSE) Hi, welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Having a good time? ALL: Yeah! You having a good time? ALL: Yeah! What's that, Gino? Yes, it's the most fantastico time I've ever had.
Tell you what, Melvin, I'm really happy for you.
Go on.
You've got love in your life.
Huh? (AUDIENCE LAUGH) It says here you finally found someone to settle down with, you've got a girlfriend.
No.
We've got a picture of you with your girlfriend.
There she is.
(AUDIENCE LAUGH) (APPLAUSE) Does she take her glasses off when she's making sweet love? No, it's the weirdest thing.
She keeps them on when she's making sweet love? She keeps them onno! (LAUGHS) So it is true.
Are you an item? She trains for X Factor in the same studio where we do Strictly.
Trains? What, listens to some rappers? She is actually spitting bars in the corridors.
Is she?/fon I saw her this morning making a cup of tea.
At your house?/ No, no, no.
(ALL LAUGH) In her dressing gown? No, in the studio.
Oh, I wish it was true.
Now, last week, we played a game revolving around science.
We went to the science lab that was used in Jurassic Park.
(JURASSIC PARK THEME) You would never believe this, George Lucas heard about this and got a bit jealous that we used a Steven Spielberg film and he has done something really good, he has given us the keys to the Death Star from Star Wars.
So let's go to the Death Star as we play Name It On The Death Star Boogie.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Wagwan breadbin, you get me, we got the keys for the Death Star.
Recognise, slew them rebel scum and ting, easy now! As you can see, we got Mel C in the hizzouse.
She got them sound cancelling headphones, she can't hear nothing, boy! We are here because my main man Darth Vader, here he is down there, slew them fucking Ewoks, man.
Ewok shit, teddy bear, Care Bear, motherfuckers in the house.
Let's big up the Death Star and switch this bitch on.
Let's drop the sick beat.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - Sexyback # I'm bringing sexy back Bringing sexy back! (APPLAUSE) She's fucking ruthless like Yoda.
(LAUGHS) Are you ready for the next? Let's set it up.
THE BLOODHOUND GANG - Bad Touch Oh, what? # You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals # So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Dog humping a leg.
Horny.
Dogs, dog.
Leg.
Who Let the Dogs Out? Melvin got the moves, look at that, boy.
I have no idea.
Moves Like Jagger? Paddy is doing his stuff.
(MUSIC STOPS) That's a hard one.
That was a hard one.
Any guesses? Box dog hump leg.
That famous tune (!) Let's have a listen.
(SONG PLAYS) Oh! Now you see, now you see.
Recognise.
ALADDIN OST - A Whole New World # I can show you the world # Shining, shimmering splendid Surfing USA? No.
Ooh, look at that.
House, flat? A Whole New World! (APPLAUSE) Check this bitch, she is using the Force, she's got Jedi power! Big up bitches to Mel C! (APPLAUSE) Next up, it's Fearne's team.
Fearne's team in the hizzle! (APPLAUSE) IMPERIAL MARCH Big shout out to Darth Vader, that gave us the keys to the Death Star.
It was George Lucas, but recognise, here we are in the Death Star, floating above the planet of Endor with those stupid fucking Ewoks.
We have got Rick Astley in the hizzouse and Fearne Cotton.
Gino's there as well.
Are you all right, Gino? Yes, this is fantastic, I like it.
We are going to be doing a special reggae tune for the reebo band in the Cantina Bar back down the side of Jabba's palace, you get me? Ready? BOB MARLEY - Buffalo Soldier # Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta March bull.
Bull.
Cow.
Toreador.
Soldier.
Yes! Soldier bull.
Bull.
Horny soldier.
That famous track, Horny Soldier.
Soldier.
GI Bull.
Low? Low Bull Soldier? Buffalo Soldier! (LAUGHS) Ready.
MUSICAL YOUTH - Pass The Dutchie # Pass the dutchie to the left hand side Giving.
Passpass Pass The Dutchie to the left hand side.
(APPLAUSE) You are doing really well, man, really well.
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! What's wrong with you, man? Seriously? I had to run from the Channel Tunnel to be here, man.
What's with the pizza? Gino, it's Thursday night, it's just a bit of fun.
It is not fun, just throw me in the van and run away.
Do you want this is a little memento? What is that for? It is you.
Gino, it's just a joke, it's just a bit of fun.
This is 'racisism.
' (LAUGHS) That is not the way to do it.
One last tune for Gino D'Acampo.
Enjoy yourself, get involved, it's Thursday, we're having a fun time in the Death Star.
Living the dream.
Let's power it up, baby.
# RICK ASTLEY - Never Gonna Give You Up # Never gonna give you up # Never gonna let you down # Never gonna run around and desert you It's him.
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
(APPLAUSE) Ricky Wilson in the hizzle! And the scores at the end of that round are We're going to an ad break now, see you in a bit.
After the break Why is Carol Vorderman looking so happy here? She's just seen me wank into a binbag.
Hello, and welcome to the final part of Celebrity Juice.
It's all to play for in the final round, it's the buzzer round! Yes, buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer, be a chancer and buzz in anyway.
Holly, what's your buzzer this week? (BUZZER - KEITH LEMON AS PADDY MCGUINESS) There's Paddy McGuinness, obviously.
Fearne Cotton, what's your buzzer this week? (BUZZER - KEITH SINGING) That's Rick Astley singing 50 there.
Again, I'm going to ask some questions.
Buzz in if you know the answers.
Why does Rick Astley look so pleased here? (BUZZER - "NO LIKEY, NO LIGHTY") That's definitely wanking in a bin bag.
He's finally able to give up.
The correct answer is, because the sun shines out of his arse.
Let's have a look.
Why's Carol Vorderman looking so happy here? (BUZZER) Because she's just seen me wank into a bin bag.
I'm sorry, Mum.
It's close, but it's not right.
She's gone into the jungle, hasn't she? Is this her last day of freedom? She's happy, she's eaten something.
Let's have a look.
No, it's because Paddy's sticking two fingers in her anus.
What is that?! That's never even happened.
That's photoshopped, surely to God.
That's real.
No, it's not.
What's she doing behind Carol? She's trying to get her thumb in? What's Mel C's favourite sea? (BUZZER - "OH, IT'S TOO FAST FOR ME.
") What's my favourite sea? I dunno.
The Atlantic? No, that's an ocean! (BUZZER - SINGING) Mediterranean.
Is it? I actually do love the Mediterranean.
That is correct.
Who's Paddy taking a selfie with here? I know this one! This is myself as a waxwork.
Let's have a look.
Living the dream.
Meeting yourself.
(KLAXON) Oh, there's the klaxon.
That's the end of the buzzer round, that's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you # TIME TO SAY GOODBYE I can tell you, it has been a great series.
Hasn't it been a great series? Fearne, love you.
Love you.
Gino, love you.
I love you more.
Holly, I love you.
Love you.
I tell you what, Paddy, I love you.
I love you, too.
Melvin, I fucking love you.
I love you, too.
Mel C, nothing but love.
I have always loved you.
Rick Astley, love.
Ricky Wilson, Leeds friend, forever and ever, Amen.
And you, the audience at home, fucking love you.
Studio audience, big up yourselves! It's the last in the present series I'm gonna share these with you.
Here's my really blonde armpits! (MUSIC CUTS OUT) That's for you.
They're really blonde.
I can tell you that the winning team on the final Celebrity Juice, and the winner of Prize Mountain, who get all of those gifts to share amongst your panellists It's Fearne's team! Let's go get our stuff! What are you getting? Oh, look at Rick Astley taking the technology.
He ain't messing about.
What's the most expensive gift that he can put on eBay?! I was Keith Lemon.
And if I don't see you through the week, I'll see you at Christmas time.
# KAISER CHIEFS: I Predict A Riot See you later!
We'll change them next series.
There's Holly Willoughbooby coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers, boi! There's Fearne Cotton who pretends to hate me but secretly wants me babies.
And there's Gino Sheffield D'Acampo with a tiny willy! We are all here in heaven but don't worry, we are not dead.
It's just an overelaborate metaphor for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? It's Celebrity Juice on telly.
Not 4K ready.
What the fuck is 4K? (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Yes! Hoorah! You know what I'm talking about.
Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
I'm Keith Lemon.
Good luck to America.
Good luck, you guys.
It's the last in the present series.
I'm really excited because all of the people on the panel tonight are just my friends.
They worry, we will be back at Christmas for a special.
And some other specials.
So, without further ado, let's meet our team captains.
First up is Holly Willoughboozy.
Who is on your team? Well, on my right, he lights up a room.
It's Melvin Odoom.
And on my left is the legend that is Sporty Spice, it's Melanie C.
OK, let's meet our other team captain, it's Fearne Cotton.
Fearne, who's on your team? On my left, it's the king of dough balls, it's Gino! (CHANTING 'GINO, GINO') Fucking King of dough balls? Yes.
That's you.
What do you w No, like, a TV chef.
Oh, fuck off.
On my right, it is '80s legend Rick Astley! Thank you.
My pleasure.
It is the last in the present series so I have upped the ante.
First of all, this is not 45 minutes long, it's going to be an hour! # HALLELUJAH! And, for the first time ever on Celebrity Juice, our panellists will be going home with prizes if you win.
Oh, wow.
So what here we have the celebrity mountain of prizes.
We have the complete fourth series of Friends on VHS.
Yes.
A brand-new double cassette player with tape to tape recording capability.
Yes.
A cat's shit in a bag! A variety of sex toys for Holly, a lovely twin pack for Fearne and, for both of them, some vagina wipes.
Oh, yes.
Just what I always wanted.
Do you know what? I knew you were going to do something like this for the end of series.
So I have brought a secret weapon.
Say what? He is one of my favourite people.
It's Paddy McGuinness! Wait, wait, wait.
So you've just got three teammates now? Y Yeah, but you've got Rick Astley, he is worth three.
He is definitely worth, like, five people.
But it's unfair.
You don't count.
I'm going to go get an audience member.
You're going to get an audience member? Whoa! Get a normal person.
She's doing it.
Don't get a minger.
Don't get a minger, get somebody pretty.
OK.
For the first time, we are going to have a real person on Celebrity Juice.
People on Twitter always say, why don't you get a real person on? Because then it would be called Real Person Juice.
I have spotted someone I like the look of.
There is a beautiful young lady down here with fine blonde locks.
I'm going to go for you, young lady, please, that would be great.
This one.
Who is your mate? Take a seat.
It's the ghost of Kurt Cobain.
So, pretty lady, what's your name? Hello.
Is he one of your mates? Yeah.
It's one of my mates.
I can tell who it is.
It's Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs! Hi, Ricky.
May I just say, we all knew that Ricky was there.
Gino! Every time! But we have met Ricky before.
Stop ruining the illusion of telly.
They're not a bunch of idiots! Hi, is that Brexit? Yeah.
If you can come tonight, that is not soon enough, yeah? All right, thanks.
# Never gonna give you, never gonna let you down # Never gonna huh huh huh and desert you It's Rick Astley! Rick Astley, it's so good to have you here at Celebrity Juice.
I'm very excited to be in your presence.
I'm very excited to be here.
I'm gonna to give you some stats here.
OK.
You probably know this.
Why am I sweating? Rick became the biggest pop star on the planet back in 1987.
You have now sold over 40 million records worldwide and your single, Never Gonna Give You Up, went to number one in 25 countries.
Big up your chest! Me and my sister literally used to make up dance routines and learn the words to all of your songs.
Like, obsessed.
Thank you, I am honoured.
You were so successful back in the day, you retired when you are 27.
I did.
Back in 1993.
What did you do with your time, just watch This Morning, wanking into bin liners? That is exactly what I did.
It's easier than a tissue because, sometimes, a tissue, Rick, a tissue can grab hold of you.
It is on me! But with a bin liner, it never sticks.
You know what I'm saying, don't you, Melvin? I feel you, my brother.
You know I need a lot of tissue.
Hey! (LAUGHS) Rick, you have retired from retiring because you've got a new album.
There it is.
Rick Astley, 50.
Number one album! Thank you.
50.
What's the message? I'm getting on a bit.
It's a midlife crisis.
Are you 50? Of course I'm 50.
It is a midlife crisis.
Fearne, what was it like when you turned 50? Can you remember a few years ago on the Internet, when you click on something, like a cat playing a piano, and then suddenly Rick Astley would pop up? Yeah, Rick Rolling or something.
# Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down Yeah, Rick Rolling.
Which made me come up with a good idea.
So let's play Rick Rolling.
# LIMP BIZKIT - Rollin' As you can see, I am stood in front of a large carpet that I borrowed from my mate, Jonesy.
What we are going to do with this, Rick Astley, is we are going to lay you down.
I can't wait.
And your teammates are going to roll you.
Then you will unroll yourself.
You have to do this within the time that the chorus to Never Gonna Give You Up plays.
If you do it in time, you'll get a point for your team.
If it takes you longer than the chorus takes, you won't win nuffin'.
OK.
We can play Never Gonna Give You Up.
We are watching ITV2.
It's a dream.
Yeah, see, look at this.
Go! # Never Gonna Give You Up Unroll, unroll! Yes! You are watching ITV2.
We are Rick Rolling.
I've got to be fair, I've got to let Holly's team have a go also.
Do you want to have a go? No.
Are we Paddy rolling? You are Paddy rolling.
It's Holly's team! # LIMP BIZKIT - Rollin' If you beat 14 seconds, you will get two points.
You go on the klaxon.
Let's roll! Three, two, one.
(KLAXON) # Never Gonna Give You Up Unroll, unroll! (MUSIC STOPS) Cheaters! All right, you both get a point because you both did the challenge.
Thank you.
The scores at the end of that round are When I say Mel, you say C.
Mel! C! Mel! C! Recognise Mel C! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
It's been a long time.
It's been a while, hasn't it? Too long.
You are looking good.
Thanks, babe.
You always look tick.
You got a new album.
There it is.
I have.
Mel C, slightly ashamed of being Mel C, not showing my face on my album cover.
But the thought process behind that shot was really Because you know the tattoo, that cross tattoo? Yeah.
It's quite iconic from the Spice Girls days, isn't it? So I thought it was quite nice to have a picture people go, "I recognise that but who is it?" And then you are drawn in and you say, "ah".
And it says Melanie C on it so they will probably know it's you.
Yeah.
True.
It's been a big year for you this year.
It's the 20th anniversary of the Spice Girls! # SPICE UP YOUR LIFE Congratulations.
How does that feel? Erm 20 years.
It feels weird because it feels like yesterday.
But sometimes it feels like a never even happened at all.
It's very odd.
We got a picture of you back in the day.
There you are.
You have had some haircuts in your day.
Oh, babe.
Every time you had a different haircut, you look like a different celebrity.
Do you think? I think so.
Are we going to see? Let's have a look.
Here is when you looked like Sally Webster from Coronation Street.
Then you went through your Justin Bieber phase.
And what is unique about you when you change your hair, you can sometimes look like two people.
Oh, God.
What now? You can look simultaneously like Mel and Sue.
I tell you what, he's got the most Irish name of any man on earth, but he is a Bolton bastard.
It's Paddy McGuinness! (IMITATES PADDY) Are you here to plug anything? Nope.
Can I ask you something? Paddy, why can't you swim? Here we go.
This is a thing he will always deny.
And I don't think you should be shy, there is nothing wrong with not being able to swim.
I was a lifeguard.
So you've got to be able to swim.
Yeah, I used to be a fashion model.
I can swim, for god's sake.
Who would give you a job as a lifeguard if you can't swim? I can swim! I've got you a gift here.
It's a start pack to get you doing your 10 m.
Here we go.
Thank you.
Do you want me to show you how to save someone? Have you got your pyjamas with you? I don't need them.
But I can do all that, go down for that rubber brick and all that.
Lie down there.
Lie down.
What, pretend we're in water? Yeah.
I'll go along with it, I'll go along with it.
Face down.
So I'd spot you.
The water is hurting me! Ahhhhhh! And then I come in.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Right, what I do, I come in, I do that, like back, and I roll you over, like that.
And I go like that.
Boom, boom, boom, shake the room - it's Melvin Odoom! I tell you what, I am so proud to have one of my close friends on Strictly Come Dancing.
I'm so proud of you.
How's it going on Strictly Come Dancing? Do you think you can win? I was eliminated first week.
Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ed Balls is a better dancer than you.
Him who can't pick up a lady is a better dancer.
Ed tries and everyone kind of loves his journey, his story and I love it.
He works really hard.
He gets better.
It's not just about how great a dancer you are.
It's about your journey on the show.
Yeah, but your journey didn't happen, did it? You don't need Strictly anyway.
Let's move on.
Thanks, Keith.
What are you going to be doing for Christmas then? I'm going to be doing the Strictly Christmas Special.
Let's move on.
OK, it's now time to play one of my favourite games of the series.
It's 5 Second Fool Xtreme! Hi, I'm Keith Lemon.
Welcome to 5 Second Fool.
You know this game.
It's in a wobbly chair.
First up to play it is Melvin Odoom! Don't produce a brown egg Ready? Yeah.
You've done Strictly.
Melvin Odoom, give me the name of three things that are sticky.
Poo, glue, and you.
Very good.
This is.
No! Give me the name of three sexy animals.
Giraffe, lion, and a jaguar.
Three things that require lubrication.
The bottom, the mouth, and the eyes.
Very good.
Melvin Odoom, everyone.
Next up to play is Ricky Wilson.
Let's show them how it's done.
Feeling confident? Yeah.
I'll switch it on.
You know how to play, don't you? Yeah, five seconds, 3 answers.
Easy.
Got you.
Three different things you may spit out.
Semen, toffee, a scampi fry.
Toffee! Three things you might ride.
Bicycle.
Erm A presidential candidate.
A tortoise.
Three words that you hate.
Melrose.
No, can I start again? No.
Cabbage, foliage, plimsoll.
(KLAXON) Ricky Wilson, everyone.
Very good, very good.
Gino D'Acampo is gossiping behind me, so because of that, Gino D'Acampo.
I really need to go for a wee.
Sit down.
What the fuck? OK, did you put it higher? Three places you might piss yourself.
Are trousers, nappy, toilet.
Three places you would never see a squirrel.
In the bath, in the sea, in the Have you wet yourself? I think I did a little wee.
OK.
The name of three different sexual positions you have done this week.
71, doggy style and the radio 1.
What 71? As you are having a glass of wine, and I can do that.
71? 69, two fingers in the bum hole, but this time I also had a glass of wine.
I didn't know that was possible.
I think you would spill your wine.
font color="#0 secret is to put a pillow behind your head.
Gino D'Acampo, The scores at the end of that round are shatiiing! We are going to an ad break now, see you in three.
Coming up after t'break: Hurrah! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
I predict a riot, it's Ricky Wilson.
There's a hole in my soul that can only be filled by you I love that song.
Thanks for singing a new one.
I like your new album.
It's a different sound to your other stuff, in't it? Yeah.
I like it more.
We've got your album here.
Here it is.
Here's the Kaiser Chiefs' new album.
Stay Together.
We've got a picture of you with the rest of Kaiser Chiefs.
You look nice.
You got some nice clobber, an't you? You've not made an effort tonight, you've just got a T-shirt on.
I have.
I got it all when I did the Voice.
I was desperate to get my licence fee back from the BBC.
When you did the Voice, Boy George said you were a very sexualised person.
Did he? That's what it says on these cards.
They must be true.
Maybe he brings it out in me then.
What do you think a sexualised person means? I don't know, just constantly with a semi on.
I think I know what Boy George is talking about.
I was watching some old repeats on UK Gold a little while ago and I saw something there.
Have a look at this.
At this point, does anybody like to ask lovely Barbara Windsor a question? Oh! Hands went up.
There's a lovely young person over there.
What would you like to ask, young man? You said you liked young men.
How young would you go? Are you offering? We'll talk after.
The legend there.
Can you just confirm that was you? Yes, that was me, yes.
You were coming onto Barbara Windsor, there.
We've all done it.
Usually in our teens in front of the TV on a Saturday afternoon.
What is the oldest you would have a little tinker with? Oh, erm Alive still? Yeah.
I don't know, it totally depends on the person and the personality.
Gino, what about you? What's the oldest lady you would go with? Hillary Clinton.
I would.
You can make a good soup with an old chicken.
Well, last week, we played a new game called Rhyming Street and it's been a worldwide phenomenon.
I don't think it's been a worldwide phenomenon.
It's caught on.
So let's go down there.
Let's go down now to Rhyming Street.
Hello everyone.
Welcome to Rhyming Street.
You'll see lots of celebrities do things that rhyme.
You have to spot them.
Stay focused.
You know, you've got to bid for how many you think you can get, yeah.
Stay focused.
Eyes on the VT.
Run it.
Oh, look, it's that guy from One Direction - he's doing some things.
Clowns.
They've been naughty this year, haven't they? Clowns.
I don't like clowns any more.
Nothing I love more than a park bench with a seal on it.
Weather is terrible, now, though, in't it? Really, it's got really cold.
We'll go to the pub after this, yeah? I love the pub.
Especially with Susannah Reid.
Mmm.
Sweet times.
Especially a pub next to a florist.
What a lovely dream.
It makes me get an erect like a tent.
Get an erect? I mean an erection.
Post office, love the post office.
Nothing worse than getting a red postcard saying, "We've tried to deliver something, but you weren't in.
" Who's that running past there? 'I'll do the best.
We'll build up relationships.
I might be telling porkie pies.
' The launderette, look who it is, haven't seen her for time.
Who's that bent over? Oh, he's having fun.
He's loving it.
He's dancing in front of a man with a tongue.
Fearne's team? Nine and a red herring.
Oooh.
You greedy bastard! As soon they go in, they go out.
I can feel them leaving my brain.
What are we going to do? Paddy is quite good at this.
Paddy knows all of them.
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
We will have a go at 10.
10, yeah? Go on then.
10? Yeah.
Give it a bash.
You say nine, Holly's team say ten.
What's your first one? Niall whathisname Horan.
Wearing a sporran.
Let's have a look.
That's correct.
Chris Brown punching a clown.
Let's have a look.
That's correct.
Ian Beale going down on a seal.
Ian Beale going down on a seal.
Correct.
50 Cent in a tent.
50 Cent in a tent.
50 Cent pitching a tent, we'll give you that.
Saddam Hussein dancing in the rain.
Saddam Hussein dancing in the rain.
That's correct.
Susannah Reid smoking weed.
Susannah Reid smoking weed.
Susan Boyle covered in foil.
Susan Boyle wrapped in tinfoil.
We will give you that.
The red herring's Ross Kemp licking a chocolate starfish.
It's Ross Kemp eating arse! Don't rhyme, don't rhyme.
Tell us the name of the celebrity.
Tell us what we've done.
You've done Whoa, whoa, whoa! I predict a riot, I predict a riot Donald Trump doing a long jump.
Donald Trump doing a long jump, let's have a look, yes it is.
Yes! I've just been told you've got one more to get.
We know it.
One more what? We've got it.
We know it.
Eamonn Holmes holding some gnomes.
Let's have a look.
That's correct.
That's a point for Holly's team.
They were told by the audience! The scores at the end of that round are shaating! Fearne, can I ask you a question? Go for it.
Have you ever wondered how long a piece of string is? Yes, sometimes I ponder that question.
Holly, have you ever followed a piece of string just to see where it goes? No, but I'd like to.
Well, you're going to love this game.
Let's play: # How long does the string go? # (CAT MEOWS) As you can see, I'm here with Fearne Cotton and Holly Willoughboozy as you can see.
You've got string here attached to your faces here.
You will take the end of this piece of string and follow it.
The first person back with the string will win a point for the team.
It's that easy! I will just talk until the klaxon goes.
(KLAXON) There it is.
There they are, both following the string.
Look at Fearne! She has gone She is gone out of here.
Oh, we are going up here.
Hi everyone.
Fearne is over in the audience.
She is gathering the piece of string.
This is really tactical.
Gino's got this.
Off she goes, come on Holly.
A very competitive lady.
Oh my God.
Fearne is travelling over Under him and his bellybutton.
There's Holly.
She's outside in the corridor.
Where is Fearne? She is near the Portakabins where we like to do pees and poos.
She is in the men's toilets.
What will she find in the men's toilet? Fearne is outside.
There's Gino's friends.
Mafia posse.
The Rock, there.
He's not working in Hollywood, he's working for Gino.
Oh my God, hi! I'm sorry! Look at those guys.
They really your mates, Gino? Yes, they are.
Fearne looks like she's in the Bronx.
There are some of the animals you might remember.
Jonathan Ross, I think he fucked that cat.
Living the dream.
Look at that! Boom.
(SCREAMS) Shit! You're joking! Oh my God.
I can't go back.
Get the string.
I got it, I got it! That's it, run, run like the wind.
# Crystal Maze Theme I'm so sorry.
That's really bad.
I was really bad.
There was a man having a shit.
And then that clown, I literally nearly wet myself.
Holly, you gave it a good go.
I was rubbish.
You was rubbish.
That means Fearne's team wins the point.
That's a really good game, I don't know why we don't do that every week.
I really enjoyed that.
On the last show that's a good game, pulling the string.
Huh? Do you think you could do as good as Fearne? Do you? Anyone can do that.
Can we remove these faces and let's get Gino up here.
I'm not doing it on my own.
There would be no jeopardy.
Paddy McGuinness is going to play.
Welcome to How Long Is a Piece of String? Earlier, Gino D'Acampo was moaning about it, saying it was a piece of shit.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
B-b-b-beh, like my mam used to make, fantastico.
So we've got him going against Paddy McGuinness.
Paddy, you're right up for this, aren't you? Yes.
You think it's an exciting game, it's got jeopardy.
Really exciting.
Do you think you can beat Paddy McGuinness? (SCOFFS) I've got to say Oh, it's like that, is it? Fucking Bolton boy.
I'm ready for this.
Oh God yes.
There is no need for violence.
(KLAXON) There you go! Roll into a ball.
Roll it into a ball.
We are a bit tangled.
He is off.
Come on, Gino, you can do it.
There he goes.
Paddy is outside.
What the fuck?! What is that? He is enjoying that guy's bellybutton.
Gino is coming out.
He is going around Fred Siri-sex from Fucking French (BLEEP)! Following down there, that's right.
He is following the track there, where we normally play the cardboard box game, all the way down.
Not many people go that far down when they're playing the cardboard box game.
There he goes.
He is following it into there.
And shut that door.
Goodbye! Goodbye to Gino D'Acampo.
Yeeeaaaah! Yes! That's a point to Paddy, that's Holly's team.
Did you see what happened to Gino? No, what happened to him? Do you know what happened to him? No.
Well, Brexit came and they've taken him.
I tell you what, Fearne, I knew one day Brexit would find him, so what I did a few weeks ago is make a replica of Gino to fill in for you.
That's much easier for all of us.
I'm sure it'll work just as well, yeah.
OK.
In the eventuality of Gino being caught by Brexit, I made this.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Just like his mamma used to make.
That is perfect.
We haven't got to deal with any of his stupid bullshit.
And the scores at the end of that round are shatiiing! We are going to an ad break now.
I'm going for a poo, I'll see you in two.
Coming up after t'break: Have you got a love in your life? No.
We've got a picture of you with your girlfriend.
There she is.
(APPLAUSE) Hi, welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Having a good time? ALL: Yeah! You having a good time? ALL: Yeah! What's that, Gino? Yes, it's the most fantastico time I've ever had.
Tell you what, Melvin, I'm really happy for you.
Go on.
You've got love in your life.
Huh? (AUDIENCE LAUGH) It says here you finally found someone to settle down with, you've got a girlfriend.
No.
We've got a picture of you with your girlfriend.
There she is.
(AUDIENCE LAUGH) (APPLAUSE) Does she take her glasses off when she's making sweet love? No, it's the weirdest thing.
She keeps them on when she's making sweet love? She keeps them onno! (LAUGHS) So it is true.
Are you an item? She trains for X Factor in the same studio where we do Strictly.
Trains? What, listens to some rappers? She is actually spitting bars in the corridors.
Is she?/fon I saw her this morning making a cup of tea.
At your house?/ No, no, no.
(ALL LAUGH) In her dressing gown? No, in the studio.
Oh, I wish it was true.
Now, last week, we played a game revolving around science.
We went to the science lab that was used in Jurassic Park.
(JURASSIC PARK THEME) You would never believe this, George Lucas heard about this and got a bit jealous that we used a Steven Spielberg film and he has done something really good, he has given us the keys to the Death Star from Star Wars.
So let's go to the Death Star as we play Name It On The Death Star Boogie.
(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Wagwan breadbin, you get me, we got the keys for the Death Star.
Recognise, slew them rebel scum and ting, easy now! As you can see, we got Mel C in the hizzouse.
She got them sound cancelling headphones, she can't hear nothing, boy! We are here because my main man Darth Vader, here he is down there, slew them fucking Ewoks, man.
Ewok shit, teddy bear, Care Bear, motherfuckers in the house.
Let's big up the Death Star and switch this bitch on.
Let's drop the sick beat.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - Sexyback # I'm bringing sexy back Bringing sexy back! (APPLAUSE) She's fucking ruthless like Yoda.
(LAUGHS) Are you ready for the next? Let's set it up.
THE BLOODHOUND GANG - Bad Touch Oh, what? # You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals # So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Dog humping a leg.
Horny.
Dogs, dog.
Leg.
Who Let the Dogs Out? Melvin got the moves, look at that, boy.
I have no idea.
Moves Like Jagger? Paddy is doing his stuff.
(MUSIC STOPS) That's a hard one.
That was a hard one.
Any guesses? Box dog hump leg.
That famous tune (!) Let's have a listen.
(SONG PLAYS) Oh! Now you see, now you see.
Recognise.
ALADDIN OST - A Whole New World # I can show you the world # Shining, shimmering splendid Surfing USA? No.
Ooh, look at that.
House, flat? A Whole New World! (APPLAUSE) Check this bitch, she is using the Force, she's got Jedi power! Big up bitches to Mel C! (APPLAUSE) Next up, it's Fearne's team.
Fearne's team in the hizzle! (APPLAUSE) IMPERIAL MARCH Big shout out to Darth Vader, that gave us the keys to the Death Star.
It was George Lucas, but recognise, here we are in the Death Star, floating above the planet of Endor with those stupid fucking Ewoks.
We have got Rick Astley in the hizzouse and Fearne Cotton.
Gino's there as well.
Are you all right, Gino? Yes, this is fantastic, I like it.
We are going to be doing a special reggae tune for the reebo band in the Cantina Bar back down the side of Jabba's palace, you get me? Ready? BOB MARLEY - Buffalo Soldier # Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta March bull.
Bull.
Cow.
Toreador.
Soldier.
Yes! Soldier bull.
Bull.
Horny soldier.
That famous track, Horny Soldier.
Soldier.
GI Bull.
Low? Low Bull Soldier? Buffalo Soldier! (LAUGHS) Ready.
MUSICAL YOUTH - Pass The Dutchie # Pass the dutchie to the left hand side Giving.
Passpass Pass The Dutchie to the left hand side.
(APPLAUSE) You are doing really well, man, really well.
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! What's wrong with you, man? Seriously? I had to run from the Channel Tunnel to be here, man.
What's with the pizza? Gino, it's Thursday night, it's just a bit of fun.
It is not fun, just throw me in the van and run away.
Do you want this is a little memento? What is that for? It is you.
Gino, it's just a joke, it's just a bit of fun.
This is 'racisism.
' (LAUGHS) That is not the way to do it.
One last tune for Gino D'Acampo.
Enjoy yourself, get involved, it's Thursday, we're having a fun time in the Death Star.
Living the dream.
Let's power it up, baby.
# RICK ASTLEY - Never Gonna Give You Up # Never gonna give you up # Never gonna let you down # Never gonna run around and desert you It's him.
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
(APPLAUSE) Ricky Wilson in the hizzle! And the scores at the end of that round are We're going to an ad break now, see you in a bit.
After the break Why is Carol Vorderman looking so happy here? She's just seen me wank into a binbag.
Hello, and welcome to the final part of Celebrity Juice.
It's all to play for in the final round, it's the buzzer round! Yes, buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer, be a chancer and buzz in anyway.
Holly, what's your buzzer this week? (BUZZER - KEITH LEMON AS PADDY MCGUINESS) There's Paddy McGuinness, obviously.
Fearne Cotton, what's your buzzer this week? (BUZZER - KEITH SINGING) That's Rick Astley singing 50 there.
Again, I'm going to ask some questions.
Buzz in if you know the answers.
Why does Rick Astley look so pleased here? (BUZZER - "NO LIKEY, NO LIGHTY") That's definitely wanking in a bin bag.
He's finally able to give up.
The correct answer is, because the sun shines out of his arse.
Let's have a look.
Why's Carol Vorderman looking so happy here? (BUZZER) Because she's just seen me wank into a bin bag.
I'm sorry, Mum.
It's close, but it's not right.
She's gone into the jungle, hasn't she? Is this her last day of freedom? She's happy, she's eaten something.
Let's have a look.
No, it's because Paddy's sticking two fingers in her anus.
What is that?! That's never even happened.
That's photoshopped, surely to God.
That's real.
No, it's not.
What's she doing behind Carol? She's trying to get her thumb in? What's Mel C's favourite sea? (BUZZER - "OH, IT'S TOO FAST FOR ME.
") What's my favourite sea? I dunno.
The Atlantic? No, that's an ocean! (BUZZER - SINGING) Mediterranean.
Is it? I actually do love the Mediterranean.
That is correct.
Who's Paddy taking a selfie with here? I know this one! This is myself as a waxwork.
Let's have a look.
Living the dream.
Meeting yourself.
(KLAXON) Oh, there's the klaxon.
That's the end of the buzzer round, that's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you # TIME TO SAY GOODBYE I can tell you, it has been a great series.
Hasn't it been a great series? Fearne, love you.
Love you.
Gino, love you.
I love you more.
Holly, I love you.
Love you.
I tell you what, Paddy, I love you.
I love you, too.
Melvin, I fucking love you.
I love you, too.
Mel C, nothing but love.
I have always loved you.
Rick Astley, love.
Ricky Wilson, Leeds friend, forever and ever, Amen.
And you, the audience at home, fucking love you.
Studio audience, big up yourselves! It's the last in the present series I'm gonna share these with you.
Here's my really blonde armpits! (MUSIC CUTS OUT) That's for you.
They're really blonde.
I can tell you that the winning team on the final Celebrity Juice, and the winner of Prize Mountain, who get all of those gifts to share amongst your panellists It's Fearne's team! Let's go get our stuff! What are you getting? Oh, look at Rick Astley taking the technology.
He ain't messing about.
What's the most expensive gift that he can put on eBay?! I was Keith Lemon.
And if I don't see you through the week, I'll see you at Christmas time.
# KAISER CHIEFS: I Predict A Riot See you later!