Celebrity Juice (2008) s17e01 Episode Script
Celebrity Juice Live
1 You are probably thinking, "What the fuck is going on?" But it is a metaphor.
Live! Here we all are.
Live! We are live! We're live! Cut to me now! Hurraaaah! Hurrah! Welcome to a special Celebrity Juice, Live! Slightly drunk.
(SLURS WORDS) We are starting with a live episode.
This could be our last episode.
If Gino says anything wrong about his wife or whatever else.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, Holly Willoughboozy.
Phwoar! I can smell smoke! You are smoking! Look at you! Holy shitballs! Piss in my face.
You are looking hot.
Are you pregnant? The answer is still no.
Would you like to have ginger babies? No.
How are you feeling? What, w pregnancy? Or in general? She is pregnant! Exclusive! I am defin not pregnant.
I saw her pregnant about six, seven times.
She's like Who is on your team? I have the Prince of dough balls, Gino D On my left, she's the queen of Heart FM, it's Emma Bunton! That's a very good-looking team.
It is a fuckable team.
Is that OK to say live? Let's meet our other team captain and see if they are equally lush.
It's Fearne Cotton! Hi.
I am enjoying you in that attire.
I thought I would smarten up.
A lot of people say to me, "Who do you prefer? Holly or Fearne?" I say, "For what?" With you, I'm always scared to go to a urinal with you because you have a bigger dick.
I have Jonathan Ross! And Scarlett Moffatt.
Great team.
Fantastic team.
You have beauty and knowledge.
And I are What is the word? Volkable? That is a German car, isn't it? You are a bit more mature than all of us.
But in a good way.
You mean sophisticated.
Exactly.
A lot of the young people, it is all about viral and winning the Internet.
Do you partake on social presence? I do a little bit.
I tweet occasionally.
I look at pictures of cats.
You are confused by Boomerang.
make very short films? Why so short? I like the idea of doing a Boomerang with an actual boomerang and just going Because we are live and a lot of people think we are not when we do this, Holly is going to take a selfie of her team and we are going to retweet it and see how many we get.
If we get more than 1,000, Holly and Fearne are going to snog with tongues at the end of the show.
We've been there, we've done that.
But it's for charity! Red Nose Day is soon.
font color="gree comforting embrace.
Have you posted it? I am doing it! It takes m little while.
We are doing it in a charity-esque style.
We have a retweet chart.
Here is the graph.
If it gets over 1,000, they will kiss.
Over 5,000, fingering.
50,000, group orgy with all the guests! Hey! Except for Jonathan.
We need to renegotiate the terms.
No, those fine.
Who is going to wank me off? I love you! Why am I not invited? What's going on? You know this for a fact, in real life and not on this programme, that you are one of my TV heroes.
I like telling him this because he goes a bit coy and then talks about Japanese robots or whatever.
If I am your hero, let me have some of the sex! Because of your mature s you might hurt one of your hips.
That is both ageist and true.
F excited about the show? Holly, there is some big news this week.
Is there? We have the headline from OK Magazine.
(BOOING) That is like Gino not making dough balls any more.
To clarify, I was asked whether I would ever do a lingerie shoot again and I said no.
You are putting your bangers away? Not totally.
I'm wearing a rollneck tonight.
I never did.
Here on Celebrity Juice, it is a sad day because of that situation.
Only fitting that we give her a fitting tribute.
Hold on, don't run VT.
Now run VT.
ELTON JOHN: Candle in the Wind Oh.
Good Lord.
You know what it's like, when you hit number seven.
will get a blister on the top if you're not careful.
font co burn mark, do you continue? Of course.
No pain, no gain.
It's Scarlett Moffatt! Scarlett, you have lost so much timber.
You know when there was more fat How did you do such a thing? I sort of went from what my mam would say was a chunky monkey to not so much a chunky monkey.
A be face.
That's what you say when someone hasn't got a nice body.
N you don't say that, you say, "Oh, you've got a nice personality.
" It has gone from one extreme to another with you.
From Gogglebox to Saturday Night Takeaway.
What are the boys like in real life? Ant and Dec? They are canny.
When they go live, they get so nervous they have to wank each other off I'm not invited into that.
You can't confirm that? No exclusive.
You've left Gogglebox.
What was it like saying goodbye to the actors who play your mum and dad? People always ask me how old my mum was when she had me.
They are not actors, they are my real family.
I came from that woman's womb.
I came from that woman's womb, honestly.
Behave.
/ Look at our ears, we could swap heads! Are you still in touch with your parents? Now and then! You are down in London now, aren't you? How are you finding it? People are actually friendly.
Everyone thi they know you.
People hug me.
They think they know you.
On Saturday Night Takeaway, you surprise fans with tickets for the show.
What's it like meeting real people? I'm a real person! I'm famous! I've n a red carpet before! Everyone is canny! In the same vein as you going out to meet the public on Saturday Night Takeaway, we will do a totally original idea.
We are sending Gino D'Acampo out.
To surprise a Celebrity Juice fan.
I hope you are watching now.
We have this bag of goodies.
There are jellybeans, a giant pencil, some Gino dough balls.
A soap bomb.
What is that? Something with a feather on the end.
And tickets for the show, which apparently are hard to come by! Later on, we will be sending Gino out and you will go to a house and give them this.
That's amazing.
And then they come straight here? No, they would be getting conned.
It's for next week.
I think we have a shot of the street.
Anyone at home recognise the street? Gino D'Acampo will be coming to the street tonight.
If you recognise your house, you are in for a treat.
Next week you will be on Celebrity Juice and you will meet Gino Sheffield D'Acampo.
Gino! I didn't know about this.
Gino, have you ever met a real person? Of course.
All these beautiful people in the audience, met them.
Gino, have you ever met a Spice Girl? Yes, I did.
It's my favourite Spice it's Emma Bunton! You are my favourite Spice Girl.
You know that and we are friends.
Just as much as I licked Jonathan Ross's arse, I do yours.
You had a good last week.
She won two awards.
Yes! You won Best Radio Personality and Best Digital Radio Programme for Heart Radio.
(APPLAUSE) I don't remember much of it, though.
I had a little drink.
With you and with Holly.
Do you know what the Tric Awards mean? Television and Radio Industry Club.
No, it doesn't.
Television Radio Industry Cl doesn't matter, you won two! Holly won three! And I dedicated each and every one.
You won best TV Personality.
I don't know why I lost, because mine is designed and written.
This Morning and Celebrity Juice.
Fearne, did you win anything? I did not win a thing.
I know.
You h got one of the best personalities of any person I know.
Coming from you, that means so much.
I was saying to Scarlett, when somebody is described as having a good personality, they are fucking rough, boy! But that's not you, because you are fit as well! Thank you.
I now feel complete.
It looks like I'm trying to get something out of my eye but I'm coming on to you.
It's not working.
Keep trying.
No.
Hey, it's J Ross! Thank you.
Jonathan, big respect for you being here tonight.
Big respect back, blad.
2016 was a terrible year for me for losing many of my heroes.
I thought we'd lost you.
Where have you been? I've been on TV, you're just not watching! I have been working.
You disappeared while.
But your chatshow was coming back.
Yes.
I honestly thought I was on the last episode.
That's why we booked you, because we figured it would be the last.
It was a privilege to be there.
Despite the/ fact that you are a weird piece of work, I enjoyed it.
What's going on with the hair? I love the hair.
It's longer than mine.
fon diseased pony.
From one of my heroes, it hurts my soul.
But my favourite Spice Girl to say she loves my hair Sandy from Grease.
Jonathan, you are very intelligent on the radio.
Your personality on the chatshow is the Jonathan Ross we know.
On here, you are like a naughty teenage boy.
But you are a very intelligent man on the radio.
I am going to put your intelligence to the test as we play 5 Second Fool! OK.
You Are Watching Celebrity Juice Live.
I Don't Know if you saw a man plugging something in.
First up to play is Jonathan Ross.
I'm ready! My name is Keith Lemon.
Welcome to 5 Second Fool.
This is extreme.
Just like that programme they did on ITV which was Dance, Dance, Dance.
Oh! Are you getting a funny feeling? One of my testicles is trapped.
Jonathan.
Three things you say during sex.
I thought it was up the front.
Thank you.
It wil Three things you can juggle.
Gino's dough balls, my own, and the work and life balance.
Three things that begin with R.
Rotisserie, rhubarb and robbery.
Three things that begin with W.
Wind, water and rain.
That's Jo Next up is Scarlett No-Fat! Mastermind theme Get in position.
I'm going to turn round.
5 Second Fool.
Three answers, five seconds.
It's extreme.
I don't like it! There it is.
That's nice.
Three things you might find in a cage.
A hamster, a rat, a person.
Three Three places you can't take your clothes off.
In public, the zoo, a nursery.
Three things you might put in your mouth.
Chocolate, dough balls, wine.
(KLAXON) Scarlett Moffatt, everyone! Stop it.
The scores are sha'ting.
Because it is a special show tonight, because we are live and it is our 17th series, I wanted to do something special, something we haven't done before.
It is an idea I've had for a long time.
Maybe it's too exciting for television.
Let's play Yes! I'm so excited about this.
Excuse me.
In this game, there should be some furniture.
It is integral to the game.
We are live.
Two seconds.
Some furniture! Where is the fucking furniture? We are live on Celebrity Juice.
Furniture?! I'm being told the furniture is outside! The furniture is outside.
Why is the furniture outside? Eh?! Oh, now you are trying to save me on live TV.
We are going to a break.
I will try and sort it out.
Come back for Celebrity Juice Live.
Where is it? Welcome back to Celebrity Juice Live.
Before the break, we were going to play my amazing cool flat game but Get off me! The furniture wasn't in the studio to play.
I've come up with a really good concept during the break.
We're going to play this.
That's right, it's Get the Furniture into the Studio to Win a Point for Your Team Thing.
The rules are simple.
You've got to get the furniture into the studio to win a point for your team.
Let's speak to the contestants.
They're trying to show how live it is.
Emma Bunton, you've toured the world with the Spice Girls.
Are you living the dream? Living the dream! Jonathan, I had a dream that I would be in the middle of the road with Jonathan Ross while you're dragging a table.
This is where dreams come true.
I moved furniture on a regular basis.
Is i true that you are nearly 60? I am four years off.
You look like yo be in One Direction.
Scarlett, did you move your own stuff down to London or did you get a removal company? A removal company! I had nowt in my house.
I don't know what you just said, pet.
What are you bringing into the studio? Everybody can hear you at home.
Don't shout.
We are not at a concert.
Just get on with it.
What are you moving in the studio tonight? A sofa.
A sofa.
Fantastic.
Holly, you are wearing a leather dress with a lovely split.
I am going to be really cold.
Can we just get on with it.
I'm going to go for it.
Fearne lives on a twigs and berries.
Will you have the strength to move some bunkbeds? Come here.
How are you feeling? Sorry, we run out of time! Here we go.
Remember, you've got to get that furniture into the studio to win a point for your team.
Go on my horn.
(HORN BLAST) Look at Holly! Gino means business.
She's done this before! You're not supposed to be here! Christmas! Smashing the arse out of a Spice Girl.
Jonathan has broken that.
He's having problems.
Jonathan is having problems.
Who will win? Oh, Bunton's run out of breath.
Very competitive.
Bunton is very competitive.
There she goes.
Keep going! You've got to get it into the studio! You've got it! Come on! There you go.
Holly closely behind.
Here.
Ooh! AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino! Oh, yes! Who is left? I'm going back to Jonathan.
Calm down! Behave yourself! Jonathan, just get a chair! How do you feel? Shattered! I'll get the drawer! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (KLAXON) Where is my camera? I'm absolutely fucked.
Living the dream.
I've got two of the fittest women on telly pulling my pants down.
I didn't even do anything! The point goes to Holly's team! Gino.
Did you enjoy that? It was brilliant.
Gino, it is now time to live the dream and give back to the public.
You are going out to the streets of London and give an unsuspecting member of the public these tickets.
Come on! (AUDIENCE CHANTS) Gino! Gino! Gino! Good luck.
Enjoy yourself.
How do you feel? Very good.
Gino D'Acampo, everyone! Go on! Going to a break! Scarlett.
How much did you say you get paid? Who are you talking to? Hello, welcome back to Celebrity Juice Live.
Yes! We sent Gino out to an unsuspecting member of the public to give them tickets for the show.
We have a replacement.
How's it going? Jonathan Ross, you are into your Japanese culture.
Did you know that it is very disrespectful in Japan right now to use a lunchbox? A lot of Japanese businessmen hold their food on their person.
In their pocket.
They won't carry a lunchbox.
I didn't know that and I don't believe it.
that.
Who told you that? It is a very good seamless link to this game.
Number three! Hello, we are live.
Welcome to the Human Lunchbox.
The first person to play is Scarlett No-Fat.
Don't worry, Jonathan, you will be playing.
As I said, in Japan it is disrespectful to eat out of a lunchbox.
Businessmen carry their food about their person.
Will it not go off? Until lunchtime.
You will be blindfolded and you have to give me the ID of the food produce which is placed about the Japanese businessman.
Let's welcome our Japanese businessman.
It's Eiji! How is business going? Yeah, Russell Crowe.
I will put a blindfold on you.
Give me the ID of the food.
Everyone at home, this is the food.
Scarlett, I will put you into the location.
Use your mouth to taste.
And tell me what is the food produce that he is carrying.
Get stuck in.
What is it? Get right in.
Smells a bit like ham.
Get a bite of it.
You are watching Celebrity Juice Live.
Scarlett Moffatt is eating from a Japanese businessman.
It still has the wrapper on! Is it a sausage roll? No.
What can you taste? Get involved.
It really smells lik sausage roll.
Get your mouth around it.
I am.
font color thinking? Apple pie.
Yes! It's apple pie! I am so sorry.
Oh.
Next up, Emma Bunton! Konnichiwa.
You know Japanese? Kurt Russell.
He is not nice? Oh, he is nice? No worries.
Oh! I am ready.
Let me get the f You've got this.
Girl power.
You've got to give me the ID of the food.
Got the food? There is the food.
That sounds horrible.
I've eaten You have not seen my clit.
You just said that live on television! There you go.
Don't worry.
Are you ready? There it is.
What is it? What can you taste? Seaweed.
No, rice.
What sort of rice? Don't be shy.
Prawn fried rice.
No.
Egg fried rice.
You are/fon businessman's pockets.
Fishy rice.
Is it fishy rice? No! It wasn't fishy rice.
Take off your blindfold.
It was teriyaki chicken.
So competitive! Next up, Jonathan Ross! You know the rules.
Get on with it.
What was that, Game of Thrones? For everyone at home, the food is You're watching Celebrity Juice Live! I will guide you through it.
Bend down.
Oh, no.
No! Use your mouth.
Just your mouth.
There it is.
What is it? Business is going well.
What is it? (KLAXON, APPLAUSE) You dirty bastard.
What was it? Was font color="yellow It is a curry pasty! Jonathan Ross, everyone! The scores at the end of that round are sha'ting! Gino is live in the UK somewhere.
We are going to him now.
Are you there? Yes, I am here.
Gino, can you hear me? I can hear you.
I can't find house.
Stop saying can't! You can't say "can't" when you're live.
After the break, Gino surprises a Celebrity Juice fan.
See you in three.
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice Live.
There is all to play for in our final round.
It is the buzzer round.
If you know the answers, buzz in.
What's your buzzer this week? 'Holly live!' 'Fearne live!' 'Wibbly wobbly wobbly!' Scarlett, is it working? 'I don't see myself as a celebrity, like!' Are you ready? What the hell is this? Holly.
Is this Gino's man-gina? That looks like Jonathan's view about five minutes ago.
I thought that was maybe what I had for dessert.
Somebody's scrotum.
/fo have a look.
No, it is Jonathan Ross' neck! Actually, it is my scrotum because I've had a few facelifts.
What has Mary Berry said that she has never put in her mouth? Gino's dough balls.
I laughed so loud that Your ginger cock.
She'd put that in her mouth, all right.
McDonald's.
I will give you that.
It is a takeaway.
A point for your team.
A point if anyone can pull this ace.
point.
Fearne's team.
Let's have a look.
Jonathan.
I will give it to Holly's team too.
And will give that to Fearne's team.
What has Piers Morgan promised to stop doing? Breeding for charity.
He said he will wear a football shirt.
Spurs! That's incorrect.
/font stop talking for charity.
No, he will stop tweeting.
font co Moffatt describe Zayn Malik? Right, I didn't like the way that he treated Perry, so I said he was a dick.
I love Little Mix, they are like a bunch of Beyonces.
What has Linda Robson promised to do for a week? Smile.
Have sex and orgasm.
Correct.
/fo show, I hope.
Something about her.
Why does Ed Sheeran keep having to buy Koi carp? Because he likes the way they taste in batter.
Clo There is something about him, he has a pet otter.
That's correct.
W this spider doing? It's having its photograph taken.
Let's have a look.
The answer was, it's sat on a frog.
Sitting on your head.
That's correct! (KLAXON) That's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Let's go live to Gino D'Acampo as he presents the tickets to a fan.
Can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you.
I have found the house.
Gino, go in and give th the tickets.
Knock on the door.
Go in.
Give her the tickets.
I don't know what she's saying.
Give her the tickets, Gino (AUDIENCE CHANTS) Gino! Gino! I am going to font color="cya Give them the tickets! Excuse me, you won the tickets for Celebrity Juice.
Give her the tickets and get out! Get out! This is weird! Gino, come back! Holy shitballs! He will come back without blood pouring out of his buttocks.
The winning team was Gino, they can't get him out! He's loving it.
He's not coming back.
The winning team is It's very close.
Who do you think has won? The winning team is Fearne's team! I was Keith Lemon.
See you! Let's dance! (SPICE GIRLS MUSIC)
Live! Here we all are.
Live! We are live! We're live! Cut to me now! Hurraaaah! Hurrah! Welcome to a special Celebrity Juice, Live! Slightly drunk.
(SLURS WORDS) We are starting with a live episode.
This could be our last episode.
If Gino says anything wrong about his wife or whatever else.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, Holly Willoughboozy.
Phwoar! I can smell smoke! You are smoking! Look at you! Holy shitballs! Piss in my face.
You are looking hot.
Are you pregnant? The answer is still no.
Would you like to have ginger babies? No.
How are you feeling? What, w pregnancy? Or in general? She is pregnant! Exclusive! I am defin not pregnant.
I saw her pregnant about six, seven times.
She's like Who is on your team? I have the Prince of dough balls, Gino D On my left, she's the queen of Heart FM, it's Emma Bunton! That's a very good-looking team.
It is a fuckable team.
Is that OK to say live? Let's meet our other team captain and see if they are equally lush.
It's Fearne Cotton! Hi.
I am enjoying you in that attire.
I thought I would smarten up.
A lot of people say to me, "Who do you prefer? Holly or Fearne?" I say, "For what?" With you, I'm always scared to go to a urinal with you because you have a bigger dick.
I have Jonathan Ross! And Scarlett Moffatt.
Great team.
Fantastic team.
You have beauty and knowledge.
And I are What is the word? Volkable? That is a German car, isn't it? You are a bit more mature than all of us.
But in a good way.
You mean sophisticated.
Exactly.
A lot of the young people, it is all about viral and winning the Internet.
Do you partake on social presence? I do a little bit.
I tweet occasionally.
I look at pictures of cats.
You are confused by Boomerang.
make very short films? Why so short? I like the idea of doing a Boomerang with an actual boomerang and just going Because we are live and a lot of people think we are not when we do this, Holly is going to take a selfie of her team and we are going to retweet it and see how many we get.
If we get more than 1,000, Holly and Fearne are going to snog with tongues at the end of the show.
We've been there, we've done that.
But it's for charity! Red Nose Day is soon.
font color="gree comforting embrace.
Have you posted it? I am doing it! It takes m little while.
We are doing it in a charity-esque style.
We have a retweet chart.
Here is the graph.
If it gets over 1,000, they will kiss.
Over 5,000, fingering.
50,000, group orgy with all the guests! Hey! Except for Jonathan.
We need to renegotiate the terms.
No, those fine.
Who is going to wank me off? I love you! Why am I not invited? What's going on? You know this for a fact, in real life and not on this programme, that you are one of my TV heroes.
I like telling him this because he goes a bit coy and then talks about Japanese robots or whatever.
If I am your hero, let me have some of the sex! Because of your mature s you might hurt one of your hips.
That is both ageist and true.
F excited about the show? Holly, there is some big news this week.
Is there? We have the headline from OK Magazine.
(BOOING) That is like Gino not making dough balls any more.
To clarify, I was asked whether I would ever do a lingerie shoot again and I said no.
You are putting your bangers away? Not totally.
I'm wearing a rollneck tonight.
I never did.
Here on Celebrity Juice, it is a sad day because of that situation.
Only fitting that we give her a fitting tribute.
Hold on, don't run VT.
Now run VT.
ELTON JOHN: Candle in the Wind Oh.
Good Lord.
You know what it's like, when you hit number seven.
will get a blister on the top if you're not careful.
font co burn mark, do you continue? Of course.
No pain, no gain.
It's Scarlett Moffatt! Scarlett, you have lost so much timber.
You know when there was more fat How did you do such a thing? I sort of went from what my mam would say was a chunky monkey to not so much a chunky monkey.
A be face.
That's what you say when someone hasn't got a nice body.
N you don't say that, you say, "Oh, you've got a nice personality.
" It has gone from one extreme to another with you.
From Gogglebox to Saturday Night Takeaway.
What are the boys like in real life? Ant and Dec? They are canny.
When they go live, they get so nervous they have to wank each other off I'm not invited into that.
You can't confirm that? No exclusive.
You've left Gogglebox.
What was it like saying goodbye to the actors who play your mum and dad? People always ask me how old my mum was when she had me.
They are not actors, they are my real family.
I came from that woman's womb.
I came from that woman's womb, honestly.
Behave.
/ Look at our ears, we could swap heads! Are you still in touch with your parents? Now and then! You are down in London now, aren't you? How are you finding it? People are actually friendly.
Everyone thi they know you.
People hug me.
They think they know you.
On Saturday Night Takeaway, you surprise fans with tickets for the show.
What's it like meeting real people? I'm a real person! I'm famous! I've n a red carpet before! Everyone is canny! In the same vein as you going out to meet the public on Saturday Night Takeaway, we will do a totally original idea.
We are sending Gino D'Acampo out.
To surprise a Celebrity Juice fan.
I hope you are watching now.
We have this bag of goodies.
There are jellybeans, a giant pencil, some Gino dough balls.
A soap bomb.
What is that? Something with a feather on the end.
And tickets for the show, which apparently are hard to come by! Later on, we will be sending Gino out and you will go to a house and give them this.
That's amazing.
And then they come straight here? No, they would be getting conned.
It's for next week.
I think we have a shot of the street.
Anyone at home recognise the street? Gino D'Acampo will be coming to the street tonight.
If you recognise your house, you are in for a treat.
Next week you will be on Celebrity Juice and you will meet Gino Sheffield D'Acampo.
Gino! I didn't know about this.
Gino, have you ever met a real person? Of course.
All these beautiful people in the audience, met them.
Gino, have you ever met a Spice Girl? Yes, I did.
It's my favourite Spice it's Emma Bunton! You are my favourite Spice Girl.
You know that and we are friends.
Just as much as I licked Jonathan Ross's arse, I do yours.
You had a good last week.
She won two awards.
Yes! You won Best Radio Personality and Best Digital Radio Programme for Heart Radio.
(APPLAUSE) I don't remember much of it, though.
I had a little drink.
With you and with Holly.
Do you know what the Tric Awards mean? Television and Radio Industry Club.
No, it doesn't.
Television Radio Industry Cl doesn't matter, you won two! Holly won three! And I dedicated each and every one.
You won best TV Personality.
I don't know why I lost, because mine is designed and written.
This Morning and Celebrity Juice.
Fearne, did you win anything? I did not win a thing.
I know.
You h got one of the best personalities of any person I know.
Coming from you, that means so much.
I was saying to Scarlett, when somebody is described as having a good personality, they are fucking rough, boy! But that's not you, because you are fit as well! Thank you.
I now feel complete.
It looks like I'm trying to get something out of my eye but I'm coming on to you.
It's not working.
Keep trying.
No.
Hey, it's J Ross! Thank you.
Jonathan, big respect for you being here tonight.
Big respect back, blad.
2016 was a terrible year for me for losing many of my heroes.
I thought we'd lost you.
Where have you been? I've been on TV, you're just not watching! I have been working.
You disappeared while.
But your chatshow was coming back.
Yes.
I honestly thought I was on the last episode.
That's why we booked you, because we figured it would be the last.
It was a privilege to be there.
Despite the/ fact that you are a weird piece of work, I enjoyed it.
What's going on with the hair? I love the hair.
It's longer than mine.
fon diseased pony.
From one of my heroes, it hurts my soul.
But my favourite Spice Girl to say she loves my hair Sandy from Grease.
Jonathan, you are very intelligent on the radio.
Your personality on the chatshow is the Jonathan Ross we know.
On here, you are like a naughty teenage boy.
But you are a very intelligent man on the radio.
I am going to put your intelligence to the test as we play 5 Second Fool! OK.
You Are Watching Celebrity Juice Live.
I Don't Know if you saw a man plugging something in.
First up to play is Jonathan Ross.
I'm ready! My name is Keith Lemon.
Welcome to 5 Second Fool.
This is extreme.
Just like that programme they did on ITV which was Dance, Dance, Dance.
Oh! Are you getting a funny feeling? One of my testicles is trapped.
Jonathan.
Three things you say during sex.
I thought it was up the front.
Thank you.
It wil Three things you can juggle.
Gino's dough balls, my own, and the work and life balance.
Three things that begin with R.
Rotisserie, rhubarb and robbery.
Three things that begin with W.
Wind, water and rain.
That's Jo Next up is Scarlett No-Fat! Mastermind theme Get in position.
I'm going to turn round.
5 Second Fool.
Three answers, five seconds.
It's extreme.
I don't like it! There it is.
That's nice.
Three things you might find in a cage.
A hamster, a rat, a person.
Three Three places you can't take your clothes off.
In public, the zoo, a nursery.
Three things you might put in your mouth.
Chocolate, dough balls, wine.
(KLAXON) Scarlett Moffatt, everyone! Stop it.
The scores are sha'ting.
Because it is a special show tonight, because we are live and it is our 17th series, I wanted to do something special, something we haven't done before.
It is an idea I've had for a long time.
Maybe it's too exciting for television.
Let's play Yes! I'm so excited about this.
Excuse me.
In this game, there should be some furniture.
It is integral to the game.
We are live.
Two seconds.
Some furniture! Where is the fucking furniture? We are live on Celebrity Juice.
Furniture?! I'm being told the furniture is outside! The furniture is outside.
Why is the furniture outside? Eh?! Oh, now you are trying to save me on live TV.
We are going to a break.
I will try and sort it out.
Come back for Celebrity Juice Live.
Where is it? Welcome back to Celebrity Juice Live.
Before the break, we were going to play my amazing cool flat game but Get off me! The furniture wasn't in the studio to play.
I've come up with a really good concept during the break.
We're going to play this.
That's right, it's Get the Furniture into the Studio to Win a Point for Your Team Thing.
The rules are simple.
You've got to get the furniture into the studio to win a point for your team.
Let's speak to the contestants.
They're trying to show how live it is.
Emma Bunton, you've toured the world with the Spice Girls.
Are you living the dream? Living the dream! Jonathan, I had a dream that I would be in the middle of the road with Jonathan Ross while you're dragging a table.
This is where dreams come true.
I moved furniture on a regular basis.
Is i true that you are nearly 60? I am four years off.
You look like yo be in One Direction.
Scarlett, did you move your own stuff down to London or did you get a removal company? A removal company! I had nowt in my house.
I don't know what you just said, pet.
What are you bringing into the studio? Everybody can hear you at home.
Don't shout.
We are not at a concert.
Just get on with it.
What are you moving in the studio tonight? A sofa.
A sofa.
Fantastic.
Holly, you are wearing a leather dress with a lovely split.
I am going to be really cold.
Can we just get on with it.
I'm going to go for it.
Fearne lives on a twigs and berries.
Will you have the strength to move some bunkbeds? Come here.
How are you feeling? Sorry, we run out of time! Here we go.
Remember, you've got to get that furniture into the studio to win a point for your team.
Go on my horn.
(HORN BLAST) Look at Holly! Gino means business.
She's done this before! You're not supposed to be here! Christmas! Smashing the arse out of a Spice Girl.
Jonathan has broken that.
He's having problems.
Jonathan is having problems.
Who will win? Oh, Bunton's run out of breath.
Very competitive.
Bunton is very competitive.
There she goes.
Keep going! You've got to get it into the studio! You've got it! Come on! There you go.
Holly closely behind.
Here.
Ooh! AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino! Oh, yes! Who is left? I'm going back to Jonathan.
Calm down! Behave yourself! Jonathan, just get a chair! How do you feel? Shattered! I'll get the drawer! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (KLAXON) Where is my camera? I'm absolutely fucked.
Living the dream.
I've got two of the fittest women on telly pulling my pants down.
I didn't even do anything! The point goes to Holly's team! Gino.
Did you enjoy that? It was brilliant.
Gino, it is now time to live the dream and give back to the public.
You are going out to the streets of London and give an unsuspecting member of the public these tickets.
Come on! (AUDIENCE CHANTS) Gino! Gino! Gino! Good luck.
Enjoy yourself.
How do you feel? Very good.
Gino D'Acampo, everyone! Go on! Going to a break! Scarlett.
How much did you say you get paid? Who are you talking to? Hello, welcome back to Celebrity Juice Live.
Yes! We sent Gino out to an unsuspecting member of the public to give them tickets for the show.
We have a replacement.
How's it going? Jonathan Ross, you are into your Japanese culture.
Did you know that it is very disrespectful in Japan right now to use a lunchbox? A lot of Japanese businessmen hold their food on their person.
In their pocket.
They won't carry a lunchbox.
I didn't know that and I don't believe it.
that.
Who told you that? It is a very good seamless link to this game.
Number three! Hello, we are live.
Welcome to the Human Lunchbox.
The first person to play is Scarlett No-Fat.
Don't worry, Jonathan, you will be playing.
As I said, in Japan it is disrespectful to eat out of a lunchbox.
Businessmen carry their food about their person.
Will it not go off? Until lunchtime.
You will be blindfolded and you have to give me the ID of the food produce which is placed about the Japanese businessman.
Let's welcome our Japanese businessman.
It's Eiji! How is business going? Yeah, Russell Crowe.
I will put a blindfold on you.
Give me the ID of the food.
Everyone at home, this is the food.
Scarlett, I will put you into the location.
Use your mouth to taste.
And tell me what is the food produce that he is carrying.
Get stuck in.
What is it? Get right in.
Smells a bit like ham.
Get a bite of it.
You are watching Celebrity Juice Live.
Scarlett Moffatt is eating from a Japanese businessman.
It still has the wrapper on! Is it a sausage roll? No.
What can you taste? Get involved.
It really smells lik sausage roll.
Get your mouth around it.
I am.
font color thinking? Apple pie.
Yes! It's apple pie! I am so sorry.
Oh.
Next up, Emma Bunton! Konnichiwa.
You know Japanese? Kurt Russell.
He is not nice? Oh, he is nice? No worries.
Oh! I am ready.
Let me get the f You've got this.
Girl power.
You've got to give me the ID of the food.
Got the food? There is the food.
That sounds horrible.
I've eaten You have not seen my clit.
You just said that live on television! There you go.
Don't worry.
Are you ready? There it is.
What is it? What can you taste? Seaweed.
No, rice.
What sort of rice? Don't be shy.
Prawn fried rice.
No.
Egg fried rice.
You are/fon businessman's pockets.
Fishy rice.
Is it fishy rice? No! It wasn't fishy rice.
Take off your blindfold.
It was teriyaki chicken.
So competitive! Next up, Jonathan Ross! You know the rules.
Get on with it.
What was that, Game of Thrones? For everyone at home, the food is You're watching Celebrity Juice Live! I will guide you through it.
Bend down.
Oh, no.
No! Use your mouth.
Just your mouth.
There it is.
What is it? Business is going well.
What is it? (KLAXON, APPLAUSE) You dirty bastard.
What was it? Was font color="yellow It is a curry pasty! Jonathan Ross, everyone! The scores at the end of that round are sha'ting! Gino is live in the UK somewhere.
We are going to him now.
Are you there? Yes, I am here.
Gino, can you hear me? I can hear you.
I can't find house.
Stop saying can't! You can't say "can't" when you're live.
After the break, Gino surprises a Celebrity Juice fan.
See you in three.
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice Live.
There is all to play for in our final round.
It is the buzzer round.
If you know the answers, buzz in.
What's your buzzer this week? 'Holly live!' 'Fearne live!' 'Wibbly wobbly wobbly!' Scarlett, is it working? 'I don't see myself as a celebrity, like!' Are you ready? What the hell is this? Holly.
Is this Gino's man-gina? That looks like Jonathan's view about five minutes ago.
I thought that was maybe what I had for dessert.
Somebody's scrotum.
/fo have a look.
No, it is Jonathan Ross' neck! Actually, it is my scrotum because I've had a few facelifts.
What has Mary Berry said that she has never put in her mouth? Gino's dough balls.
I laughed so loud that Your ginger cock.
She'd put that in her mouth, all right.
McDonald's.
I will give you that.
It is a takeaway.
A point for your team.
A point if anyone can pull this ace.
point.
Fearne's team.
Let's have a look.
Jonathan.
I will give it to Holly's team too.
And will give that to Fearne's team.
What has Piers Morgan promised to stop doing? Breeding for charity.
He said he will wear a football shirt.
Spurs! That's incorrect.
/font stop talking for charity.
No, he will stop tweeting.
font co Moffatt describe Zayn Malik? Right, I didn't like the way that he treated Perry, so I said he was a dick.
I love Little Mix, they are like a bunch of Beyonces.
What has Linda Robson promised to do for a week? Smile.
Have sex and orgasm.
Correct.
/fo show, I hope.
Something about her.
Why does Ed Sheeran keep having to buy Koi carp? Because he likes the way they taste in batter.
Clo There is something about him, he has a pet otter.
That's correct.
W this spider doing? It's having its photograph taken.
Let's have a look.
The answer was, it's sat on a frog.
Sitting on your head.
That's correct! (KLAXON) That's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Let's go live to Gino D'Acampo as he presents the tickets to a fan.
Can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you.
I have found the house.
Gino, go in and give th the tickets.
Knock on the door.
Go in.
Give her the tickets.
I don't know what she's saying.
Give her the tickets, Gino (AUDIENCE CHANTS) Gino! Gino! I am going to font color="cya Give them the tickets! Excuse me, you won the tickets for Celebrity Juice.
Give her the tickets and get out! Get out! This is weird! Gino, come back! Holy shitballs! He will come back without blood pouring out of his buttocks.
The winning team was Gino, they can't get him out! He's loving it.
He's not coming back.
The winning team is It's very close.
Who do you think has won? The winning team is Fearne's team! I was Keith Lemon.
See you! Let's dance! (SPICE GIRLS MUSIC)