Doctor Who (1963) s17e05 Episode Script

20 soneds to warp thrust.
-Confirmed.
Thrust against planet surface set to power three.
Negative.
Power three too severe.
Scaroth, it must be power three.
It must be.
Warp thrust from planet surface is untested.
At power three it is suicide.
Advised.
-Ten soneds to warp thrust.
-Advise! The Jagaroth are in your hands.
Without secondary engines, we must use our main warp thrust.
You know this, Scaroth.
It is our only hope.
You are our only hope.
And I am the only one directly in warp field! I know the dangers.
-Three, two, one -What will happen if full power.
Help us, Scaroth, help us! The fate of the Jagaroth is with you.
Help us! Scaroth, you are our only hope! Our only hope! Help us! Scaroth! Scaroth! The Jagaroth! The Jagaroth! Nice, isn't it? Yes, marvellous.
Marvellous.
Absolutely.
Absolutely marvellous.
Well, I think it's marvellous.
-So do I.
-But it's not quite as you described it.
Really? -How did I describe it? -Well, you said it was ''nice''.
It's the only place in the universe where one can relax entirely.
Hmm! That bouquet! What Paris has, it has an ethos.
-A life, it has -A bouquet? a spirit all of its own.
Like a wine, it has -A bouquet.
-It has a bouquet.
Yeah.
Like a good wine.
You have to choose one of vintage years, of course.
What year is this? Well, it's 1979 actually.
More of a table wine, shall we say? The randomiser is a useful device but it lacks true discrimination.
-Shall we sip it and see? -Oh, I'd be delighted.
Shall we take the lift or fly? -Let's not be ostentatious.
-All right, let's fly, then.
That would look silly.
We'll take the lift, come on.
Where are we going? Are you talking philosophically or geographically? -Philosophically.
-Then we're going to lunch.
I know a little place that does a wonderful bouillabaisse.
Do you like bouillabaisse? Bouillabaisse, yum-yum! But I can proceed no further, Count.
Research costs money.
If you want results, we must have the money.
I assure you, Professor, money is no problem.
So you tell me, Count Scarlioni, so you tell me every day.
''Money is no problem.
'' Look.
What you want me to do about these equipment invoices? Write ''no problem'' on them and send them back? Will a million francs ease the immediate cash flow situation? Yes, Count.
That will help admirably.
But I will shortly need a great deal more.
Yes, of course, Professor, of course.
Nothing must stand in the way of the work.
-Your Excellency? Hermann.
That Gainsborough didn't fetch enough.
I think we'll have to sell one of the Bibles.
-Sir? -Yes, the Gutenberg.
May I suggest we tread more carefully, sir? It would not be in our best interests to draw too much attention to ourselves.
Another rash of priceless treasures on the market Yes, I know, Hermann, I know.
Just sell it discreetly.
Discreetly, sir? Sell a Gutenberg Bible discreetly? Well, as discreetly as possible.
Just do it, will you? Yes, sir.
Of course, sir.
Good, Professor.
Excellent! I hope we are now ready to start the next test on the equipment.
In two minutes, Count, just two minutes.
Hm.
-Any good? -Not bad.
A bit boring in the middle.
Don't move! You might spoil a priceless work of art.
-What? -That man over there.
Don't look! -What's he doing? -Shh.
What's he doing? -He's sketching you.
-Is he? -I told you not to look.
-I just wanted to see.
-It's too late, he's gone now.
-Pity, I wonder what he thought I looked like.
Well, he threw it down there.
Have a look.
-What's he doing? -Shh.
What's he doing? -He's sketching you.
-Is he? -I told you not to look.
-I just wanted to see.
-It's too late, he's gone now.
-Pity, I wonder what he thought I looked like.
Well, he threw it down there.
Have a look.
-What's going on? -I don't know.
It was as if time jumped a groove for a second.
Let's have a look.
For a portrait of a Time Lady, that's not at all a bad likeness.
-That's extraordinary.
-Yeah, isn't it? I wonder why he did it like that.
-The face of the clock is fractured.
-Almost like a crack in time.
A crack in time.
Let's sit outside.
Time, Count, it will take time.
Time, time, time.
Nevertheless, a very impressive, if flawed, demonstration.
I'm relying upon you to make very fast progress now, Professor.
-The fate of many people is in our hands.
-The world will have much to thank you for.
It will indeed, Professor.
It will indeed.
How soon before we can start the next tests? The next one, Count? Well -I want to see it today.
-Today, Count? Yes, today.
Count, I think this is wonderful work, but I do not understand this obsessive urgency.
Time, Professor.
It is all a matter of time.
I think there's something the matter with time.
Didn't you feel anything? -Just a twinge.
I didn't like it.
-Yeah.
It must be because I've crossed the time fields so often.
No one in there seemed to notice anything.
You and I exist in a special relationship to time, you know? Perpetual outsiders.
Don't be so portentous.
Hm? Then what do you make of that, then, eh? Well, at least on Gallifrey we can capture a good likeness.
Computers can draw.
What? Computer pictures? You sit in Paris and talk of computer pictures? Listen, I'll take you somewhere and show you some real paintings painted by real people.
-What about the time slip? -Never mind about the time slip.
We're on holiday.
Come on.
There we are, the Louvre! One of the greatest art galleries in the whole galaxy.
Nonsense! What about the Academia Stellaris on Sirius V? No, no.
Or the Solarian Pinaquotheque at Strikian? Oh, no, no.
-Or the Braxiatel Collection? -No, no, no.
This is the gallery.
The only gallery in the known universe which has a picture like The Mona Lisa.
Quite good? That's one of the great treasures of the universe and you say ''quite good''? -The world, Doctor, the world.
-What are you talking about? Not ''the universe'' in public, Doctor.
It only calls attention.
I don't care.
It's one of the great treasures of the universe! I don't care, let them gawp, let them gape.
What do I care? -Why hasn't she got any eyebrows? -What? Is that all you can say? No eyebrows? We're talking about the Mona Lisa We have possible the most Good heavens! You're right, she hasn't got any eyebrows.
I never noticed that before.
painted by Leonardo da Vinci, 1452-1519.
Ahem.
-Excuse me, monsieur.
-Yes, what is it? Could you please move along? Other people wish to enjoy this picture.
-What did she say? -She said The Mona Lisa, La Joconde, painted by Leonardo da Vinci, 1452-1519.
Ahem.
Excuse me, monsieur.
Could you please move along? Other people wish to enjoy this picture.
Excuse me.
All right, stand back.
Stand back everybody, stand back.
You all right, sir? Yes.
I just dented my head on your gun, that's all.
-What? -This here -He's just having one of his funny turns.
-One of my funny turns? The whole world took a funny turn.
Come on, Doctor.
Excellent, Professor, excellent.
An unfortunate side effect.
Not at all, Professor.
The work progresses well.
Now I want you to find a way to vastly increase the time span.
-I'm not certain, Count.
You see, Einstein says -I'm not paying Einstein, Professor, I'm paying you.
Now, continue with the work.
You're stretching me to the limit, Count.
Only thus is true progress ever made.
You, as a scientist, should be the first to appreciate that.
I do, Count, I do.
I appreciate many things.
I appreciate walks in the country, I appreciate sleep, regular meals -Hermann.
-Yes, Excellency? Would you please prepare for the Professor half a dozen escargots au beurre followed by an entrecôte bordelaise with haricots verts and pommes sautées -served directly here to the laboratory.
-Yes, sir.
-And a bottle of Chambertin, my own.
-Yes, sir.
Better make that half a bottle.
Wouldn't want to interfere with the work, would we, Professor? Count, I would really like to get some sleep.
Hermann, cancel the wine and bring the vitamin pill.
I shall be upstairs.
We must press forward.
Doctor, you realise we're being followed? Yes, all the way from the Louvre by that idiot with the gun.
-You did notice.
-Well, of course, I noticed.
-What do you think he wants? -Look in your pocket.
Other pocket.
-What's this? -The woman I bumped into was wearing it.
-And you stole it from her? -Look at it.
-It's a micromeson scanner.
-That's right.
She was using it to get a complete report on the alarm systems around the Mona Lisa.
-You mean she was trying to steal it? -It is a very pretty painting.
It's a very sophisticated device for a level five civilisation.
That? That's never a product of Earth's civilisation.
Do you mean an alien's trying to steal the Mona Lisa? It is a very pretty painting.
-Romana.
-Yes? I think something very funny's going on.
You remember that man who was following us? Well, he's standing behind me, poking a gun in my back.
All right, you two, into the caf.
Patron, three glasses of water.
Make them doubles.
And then? Then I had this fool of a detective followed.
-Why? -Reasons.
Please don't play games.
What else have I been doing all these years? Following instructions.
Go on.
Well, this Detective Duggan, he annoyed me.
He stopped watching the painting and started watching me.
Showing a glimmering of intelligence at last.
Perhaps we should deal with him.
No.
He's too stupid to bother us seriously.
Only then something else happened, in front of the painting.
Yes? Well, this tall man I've never seen before, he fainted.
You are getting jumpy.
He was probably overcome by your charms.
Only that as he fell, he somehow managed to get the bracelet off my wrist.
-What! And you let him? -Well, I had no choice.
There was rush and confusion.
It was well organised I'm sure.
-That bracelet -We'll get it back.
The matter is in hand even now.
-I trust you will be -Discreet? Of course.
What bracelet? -Are you all right? -Yes, I'm just relaxing and enjoying Paris.
All right, that's enough.
Very cleverly staged, but you don't fool me.
What are you talking about? -Your men who were just here.
-My men? Those thugs? -Your thugs.
Are you suggesting those men were in my employ? Yes.
I don't know if you noticed but he was pointing a gun at me.
Anyone in my employ who behaved like that, I'd sack him on the spot.
Except that I know you arranged for them to hold you up as a bluff.
-You're trying to put me on a false scent.
-You're English, aren't you? Yes.
Patron, I thought I ordered three glasses of water.
Monsieur.
-Listen -Doctor.
What's Scarlioni's angle? Never heard of it.
Have you ever heard of Scarlioni's angle? -No, I was never any good at geometry.
-Who's Scarlioni? -Count Scarlioni.
What? -Everyone on Earth's heard of Count Scarlioni.
-Well, we've only just landed on Earth.
Right.
Fine, that's it.
I give up.
You're crazy! Crazy enough to want to steal the Mona Lisa? Or at least be interested in someone who might want to steal the Mona Lisa.
Good.
Thank you.
You may go.
But not good enough.
Kill them.
-The detective and his friends, Excellency? -No, Hermann, those two fools.
With pleasure, Excellency.
So, one was interested in you and the painting -and the other in this bracelet? -Yes.
I should like to meet them.
-Of course.
Just tell Hermann.
-No, my dear.
You tell Hermann.
So you can imagine the furore.
-The what? -Furore.
The whole art world in an uproar.
Oh, furore.
Masterpieces that apparently have been missing for centuries -just turning up all over the place.
-All fakes, of course.
-They've gotta be, haven't they? Haven't they? -Are they? They're very, very good ones.
They stand up to every scientific test.
Really? What, and the only connection in all this is the Count? -Yes.
-So? Nothing dirty can be proved, though.
He's clean.
Absolutely clean.
-So clean he stinks.
-He isn't clean anymore.
The Countess has the bracelet.
What's that bracelet worth? Well, it depends on what you want to do with it Uh-oh.
-What? -I think we're being invited to leave.
-You rang, my lady? -Yes, Hermann.
Where's the Count? -Down in the laboratory, my lady.
-With that Professor again! No, my lady.
Professor Kerensky is resting in his room.
Oh.
Thank you, Hermann.
Carlos? Carlos? Carlos?