Celebrity Juice (2008) s17e06 Episode Script
Couples Special - Nik Speakman, Eva Speakman, Ruth Langsford, Eamonn Holmes, Catherine Tyldesley
I'm Keith Lemon.
Check out my new sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking, "What the fuck is going on?" Don't worry, it is just another overelaborate metaphor for how totally rad the show is.
There is Holly Willoughboobs firing space lasers from her massive tits! And there is Fearne Cotton riding a giant cock-shaped spaceship.
There's Gino d'Acampo firing dough balls! Here we are taking a selfie.
We got to the studio just in time for the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? Its Celebrity Juice on't telly.
Not in 3-D.
I fucking wish it was though! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Oh, yes.
(ROARS) Hello, you sexy bastards! Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
Celebrity Juice special.
A couples special tonight.
More specifically it is my birthday special! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) OK, let's meet our teams.
First up, from dreams it's become a reality, Holly and Fearne together.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I think the selling point of the show when we started 16 series ago, was the rivalry between you two going against each other.
But tonight you are together.
United.
Will you be feeding each other's horses and cleaning the windows? It doesn't have to be like that.
This is the dream team.
OK, let's meet our other team couple tonight.
None other than telly therapists the Speakmans! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Joining the Speakmans tonight is the horniest couple on TV.
It is Ruth and Eamonn! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And finally, it is none other than Gino d'Acampo and AUDIENCE: Aw! My guest, she is slightly late.
But I booked it and everything is fine, all under control.
Have you really booked someone? Is this just so you can be "Kapitan" again! (LAUGHTER) You think I'm going to do this by myself? On the desk there you have a C and G.
What is the C for? Carbonara? No? Ciabatta? No.
I can't tell you.
Is it (BLEEP)? Ruth, they love it, the dirty bastards! She will be here soon, just be patient.
Don't put the pressure on me.
I won't give you any pressure.
Holly, really good to have you back.
How was rehab? It was fine.
I feel much better now, thank you.
You escaped, to be fair, didn't you? Apparently so.
We've got proof of the rehab.
There you were, running out of rehab.
Having a little sip.
Is that what I was up to? That is not all you were up to, no.
There you are.
The yard of ale.
Oh, my God.
You are so cock hungry! I was thinking, why am I wearing a cap? That is not me, is it I see what is happening there.
Let us introduce our next TV couple.
They are telly therapists, the Speakmans! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It says here you are psychotherapists.
Correct.
What is the Goddamn message? Well What is the message? What are the peripherals of being a psychotherapist? We help people.
Yes.
We help people get over anxiety disorders and feel better about themselves.
Is that a professional term rather than saying we help people who are shit scared of things? What is the process, how do you do such a thing? We tell them not to be.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) What is the weirdest thing someone has been scared of? Gravity.
Gravity? Gravity.
We have had someone scared of gravity.
Someone scared of pubic hair.
Pubic hair? Some of it can be scary, can't it, Holly? (LAUGHTER) What about Gino? He's scared of Brexit.
Can you help him? (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) What scares you, then? Frogs.
I'm scared of frogs.
Are you really? But I don't want to overcome fear of the frog.
I don't really hang out with them.
In my line of work I don't see them that much.
I don't like snakes.
I don't like anything without fur.
What about a dolphin, they are nice? They haven't got any fur? (GROANS) Don't even say 'dolphins'! What? I HATE dolphins.
They're lovely! They're friendly.
They are not friendly! They are not! They are so friendly.
I don't like using the R word on telly.
Do you know what they do to each other? What? Unconsensual sex with each other! They do! No! Roll them down to the bottom and (GRUNTS) And then they go (HIGH-PITCHED) Ni-ni-ni-ni-ni! Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-ki! They do.
(APPLAUSE) What has a frog ever done to you? When I was a kid playing with cars.
.
Before you start, on a scale of 0 to 10? If there was a frog, how scared would I be? Yes.
Probably about two.
When I was a kid I was playing with my cars and do you use the term 'grates' in London? The grid? In the street? A drain? I opened it up and a frog looked at me, it was in there and it went (INHALES SHARPLY) .
.
on my skin! I screamed and my mum thought I'd been run over.
(SCREAMS WILDLY) Shit, I nearly fainted then.
I can see stars.
Shit! We got some letters, we did Twitter and said you were coming on.
We've gone old school with letters.
I will read them to you.
"Dear Nick and Eva, I desperately need your help.
I get on really well with these two fit blonde girls at work, I would like to take things to the next level.
They both seem to have a phobia of threesomes! Is there anything you can do to cure them of being so boring? Thanks a lot and keep up the good work.
Kieron, in London.
" Maybe those two girls had a deep fear of twats? What advice would you give Kieron? For the girls, just enjoy themselves cos one day you'll die, so it's good to try things, innit? I can see my guest is here.
Who is it? A round of applause for Catherine Tittersley.
(CORONATION STREET THEME) Ciao, bella.
Mwah.
For you guys at home, if you couldn't hear Gino's intro.
Who is on? Tyldesley, babe.
No, it is many more letters.
The D is silent.
What the fuck are you put in there? If it is silent, take it out.
Catherine Tylsley! I've got the questions.
Oh, you've got questions? I don't understand.
You've got questions? You usually ask questions.
You've written some questions? Yes.
I told you he wants to take over! These are Gino's questions for you.
"Hello, Catherine, the fittest of all the girls from Coronation Road.
Can I please say you look fantastico this evening?" Thanks, babe.
Since you was last on Celebrity Juice you have got married and had a baby, congratulations.
Thank you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I thought they would be rude questions.
Here is a picture of you and your husband on your wedding day.
That is not her husband, Gino.
That is my fake fella.
That is Shayne Ward.
Husband.
I prefer Shayne, he's better looking.
(SQUEALS) What the fuck were that? (SQUEALS) What were that?! Just laughing.
(SQUEALS) (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) Keep laughing.
Don't, because last time I was on you made me wee.
Anyway, Catherine, you recently had a boob job that went wrong.
We have a picture here.
You have one big one? I was with child.
My son was there, Alfie.
Oh, that is not your tit? No.
You recently accidentally uploaded a video of Shayne Ward fingering you, didn't you? It says here.
(SQUEALS) I so know what is coming.
(SQUEALS) We have the aforementioned video here.
Oh, shit! (SQUEALS) Had a good time, didn't he? No, let me explain.
(SQUEALS) We were doing Ghost.
The pottery scene.
We thought it was funny that we were in Underworld on the sewing machine.
We were probably the only people laughing, to be fair.
It is Ruth and Eamonn! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Ruth and Eamonn, I would say you are my favourite TV married couple on television.
Thank you.
What do you think the secret is to your success? In our marriage? Being a married couple on telly as well, I guess.
What is it like working together? Marvellous, we love every second don't we, darling? A unique experience.
Isn't it? I can highly recommend it.
A lot of people say don't work with your partner, don't they? I wish I had listened, but no.
People see us have the odd I don't think we argue.
We do.
We have differences of opinion.
I hate to argue with you, but we do.
Not a full-blown row.
We just have differences of opinion, don't we? You huff and disagree on everything.
I just don't always agree.
You think Holly sits with Phillip in the morning going, "I'm not doing that," and kicks him on the shin? They are not married, they're just fuck buddies.
We should have stuck to that.
That's where it all went wrong.
Ruth, it is true that you described him as a steam train in the bedroom? Not entirely true.
It was fake news, that's fake news.
Fake news.
We were talking about dancing and Jane Moore said, "You know that you can tell a lot by a man how he will be in bed by the way he dances.
" I said that was interesting because my husband is a steam train.
I meant dancing.
He does that.
So he's rubbish in bed? I have no complaints, Keith.
Yeah! Hey, you know what, it is my birthday so tonight we will play the games I want to play.
A Juice favourite.
What is my favourite game on Juice? Don't Show Keith Your Teeth! It is a word association game and you must not stutter or hesitate.
You must not repeat.
But more specifically, you must not show your teeth.
I will give you a subject and we will begin.
That is hard because Ruth has very big teeth.
Horse teeth.
Shut your ears.
Eamonn, does she sometimes scrape? You cannot ask.
That is disgusting, I can tell by Eva's face! Do you like ice cream? The subject is things you do on your birthday.
Fearne.
Have a party.
Let offparty poppers.
Let off Let off party poppers! You look like your dad! Aw! (BUZZER) I saw your teeth.
I wasn't playing.
I saw your teeth.
I wasn't playing! (BUZZER) Peppa Pig.
I would say, have breakfast in bed.
It's my birthday! Musical chairs.
Musical chairs.
Spinning the bottle.
Karaoke.
Karaoke.
Karaoke.
Cop off! Cop off! Are you saying cop off? Oh! Eat an ice cream.
Have jelly and ice cream.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) The winning team is Holly and Fearne! The scores at the end of this round.
Schating! I think we are going to an advert break.
We are.
Coming up after the break.
If you wanted to put your dick in a pie, how would you know what flavour (CHEERING) Hello! Welcome back to the show! (CHEERING) Holly, have you ever been shopping and tried to carry all the produce you've bought at the shop into the house in carrier bags and it really hurts your fingers? Yes.
It really hurt your fingers.
So then you try and get the clingfilm out of the bag and you wrap all the produce around your body.
Have you ever tried to do that? No, never.
Well, let's try and do it now, as we play Ee, My Head's Been Laden With Stuff! # BASEMENT JAXX: Where's Your Head At Hi.
Welcome to Ee, My Head's Been Laden With Stuff.
For this, the rules are simple.
All you've got to do is put as many household items around your head using clingfilm.
The person with most items around their head at the end wins a point for their team.
You've got an allotted time.
It's simple.
Is this health and safety OK? Health and safety OK, it is not.
Do not put it around the mouth because you will die.
Anybody at home playing this, don't play this at home.
You will die.
(LAUGHTER) OK, you will go on the klaxon.
(KLAXON) Klaxon! (LAUGHTER) It's not on straight.
Ruth has gone with the flip-flop and the lady towels.
That's it.
Cath has gone for a big object.
A watering can and a flip-flop.
(LAUGHTER) Keep going.
I can cope with that.
Fearne looks like she's in the rain in the '50s.
(LAUGHTER) Put it back in.
That is the best haircut Nik's ever had.
(LAUGHTER) I might stick with this.
You're not scared of clingfilm, are you? No.
(LAUGHTER) Not across the mouth, not across the mouth! Eamonn's living the dream.
He knows how to do this.
(IRISH ACCENT) I'm going to help you out, I am.
That's the situation.
(LAUGHTER) You look pretty wrapped, Eamonn.
You look good.
(KLAXON) (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) There's the klaxon.
Ruth, don't kill him! We need him! We need him.
I'll count the products.
It's quite the fashion.
I don't mind it.
CATH: You look quite high-end.
I'm kind of into it.
I can't not get this, can I? Lady Gaga.
Love.
And Lady Gaga's brother.
And the mad uncle.
(LAUGHTER) And the next-door neighbour that's really naughty.
(LAUGHTER) OK, I can reveal that the winning couple .
.
isn't Gino and Catherine.
AUDIENCE: Awww! It isn't Oh, this is intense.
.
.
Ruth and Eamonn.
(LAUGHTER) The Speakmans have clingfilmed ten items.
Holly and Fearne have clingfilmed 11 items! (APPLAUSE) # Simply the best # Better than all the rest # And the scores at the end of that round are sha-ting! (CHEERING) Ee, my head's been laden with stuff! # BASEMENT JAXX: Where's Your Head At Eamonn and Ruth, remind me, how long have you two been together? 21 years together, seven years married.
How romantic.
(APPLAUSE) You know each other inside out, you would say? Intimately.
Pretty much, yes.
OK, well, let's put that to the test, as we play Master & Miss.
# ABBA: Knowing Me, Knowing You Hello and welcome to Master & Miss, which is a totally 100% original idea.
There's no shows like this on television.
The reason is because on this show there is two presenters.
Let me introduce my fellow presenter, Gino D'Acampo.
(APPLAUSE) AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino! Hello.
My name is Gino D'Acampo.
Welcome to Mr & Mrs.
(LAUGHTER) First, it's called "Master & Miss".
And you're not the presenter, you're the co-presenter.
So I'll do this business, yeah? This game is simple.
Basically, it's how much you know about each other.
I will ask you a question, then Gino will ask you a question.
You have to write down on your boards here.
If the answers tally up, you win a point for your team.
Do you understand? Of course! I'm not stupid.
(LAUGHTER) OK, here's the first question.
On average, how many minutes does Ruth take to make her look beautiful on a morning? Minutes or hours? On average, how many MINUTES does Ruth take to make herself look beautiful on a morning? Ready? Ruth, what have you got? Reveal.
80 minutes.
That's a lot.
Ooh That's two hours! (BUZZER) It depends if you've been out the night before.
(LAUGHTER) Gino, you have the next question.
OK, the next question is, On average, how many minutes does it take for Eamonn to reach "cleemax"? (LAUGHTER) What is that? A what? Cleemax.
What's one of them? You know Pleurgh! (LAUGHTER) I'm not answering that.
You can't ask TV royalty that.
I won't allow it.
Not Eamonn and Ruth! It's like asking your mum and dad.
It's against the law.
Which Loose Women would Eamonn most like to join you two in a threesome? (LAUGHTER) Janet Street-Porter, Gloria Hunniford, Coleen Nolan? OK, have we to choose one or more than one? Oh! (LAUGHTER) And you said I'm a dirty bastard! The answer's obvious.
Two of them have Two? So which ones? Two.
The clue is "threesome".
And I make three.
I'm not there, then? There are two of these women who are crazy about me.
Ruth knows it.
Day in, day out, you are plagued by it.
They want you to die, basically.
(LAUGHTER) They want my body.
And there's two of them.
And these are the names.
Whoa! Whoa! (APPLAUSE) (BELL) You've got a point.
Thank you.
It's true.
Well done, Eamonn and Ruth.
(APPLAUSE) Next up it's the Speakmans.
# ABBA: Knowing Me, Knowing You Here I am with the Speakmans.
Here's the first question.
On average, how many minutes does it take for Nik to do his hair on a morning? (LAUGHTER) I'm done.
I don't muck about.
Do you know you? She's written it down.
I'm deliberating.
OK.
(CHUCKLES) Mrs Speakman? Five minutes.
Five minutes! Well done.
(APPLAUSE) (BELL) Gino's question.
What flavour pie would Nik most like to put his dick in? (LAUGHTER) Gino, you've got to stop your perverted mind infiltrating your TV career.
Just stick to dough balls, mate.
This is not working out for you.
Your questions are boring! People don't care about his hair! No, but she is right, you know, because Yeah.
I tell you what, Fearne.
It's my birthday, so I decide what I want.
Next week, how about you present the whole show with me? I would love to do that.
Why the whole show? I've never done a whole show.
Yeah, but the bits you have done have been shit.
(LAUGHTER) Who'd like to see Fearne do the whole show with me? (CHEERING) Yeah, I'm up for that.
Rein it in, Gino.
What I want to know - if you wanted to put your dick in a pie, how would you know what flavour it was? (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Is there something special about your dick? You would choose the pie according to the taste of your partner.
If you were a romantic guy If you were a romantic guy and your missus says, "How about you sticking your knob in a pie for me tonight?" (LAUGHTER) Is this experience or fantasy? No, no He's not scared of pies! Stop trying to help him.
He's not scared.
From 1-10, how much do you like putting your knob in a pie? (LAUGHTER) Write down.
Write your answer.
None.
None.
(BELL) I don't like pastry.
(LAUGHTER) Ladies and gentlemen, say thank you to the Speakmans.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Next up it's Holly and Fearne.
(APPLAUSE) # ABBA: Knowing Me, Knowing You OK, you two are obviously not a master and miss.
You're two friends.
We want to know how well you know each other.
OK, the first question is What's the most annoying thing Holly does when she's drunk? Apart from pissing on foxes.
Yeah, that's one.
I'm not an annoying drunk.
You're a fun drunk.
What's the funniest thing she's done when drunk? There's tons.
I think I've got one.
Holly's got one.
This won't be funny to anyone else but it was comical at the time.
We'll cut it out, then.
Fucking hell, just write it down.
(LAUGHTER) OK, reveal.
Failed to screw a dartboard to a wall.
You know what Holly does when she's drunk? She always fails to nail dartboards (LAUGHTER) OK, my one I'm revealing was with Fearne in LA and I was very drunk - Oh, you're going to do THAT one! I got in the lift and the man in the lift thought I was a prostitute.
(LAUGHTER) And then he got in and sort of propositioned Holly, and she - this is what Holly does when she's drunk - she went, "FUCK YOU!" and pushed him out the lift.
(LAUGHTER) I was very drunk.
You said she was a happy drunk.
Gino, your question.
OK.
If you two would lezz off (LAUGHTER) .
.
who would wear the strap-on? (LAUGHTER) Everybody's wondering the same thing.
I'm going to put what the masses want.
Have you got sex toys? I didn't know.
Oh, I've got a I've got a vibrating vulva.
(LAUGHTER) It's a new one.
2014 model.
It goes (LAUGHTER) What do you do? Can it go in? Yeah.
We're still on the telly.
They gonna to cut this off.
(LAUGHTER) No.
You need to cut it off.
I've gone for the obvious.
I've already got a cock.
Me, cos Fearne doesn't need one.
There you go.
(LAUGHTER) Ladies and gentlemen, Holly and Fearne! (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Gino.
And the scores at the end of the round are sha-ting! (APPLAUSE) Gino, Gino, Gino.
Quick.
You know you've always wanted to link to a break, don't you? Do like a little rhyme or summat.
"I'm off for a poo, see you in two.
" Yeah.
Link to t'break.
Make your own up.
Uh (LAUGHTER) Just like that? Do a little rhyme.
You should have told me.
I would have prepared a rhyme.
I don't prepare anything.
Yes, you do.
Five seconds.
Five seconds.
OK.
We're going to go for a break (LAUGHTER) I'm going to have some cake! (APPLAUSE) Coming up after t'break My wife has a very sensitive gag reflex.
(LAUGHTER) If I get nervous, can I touch her cushions? Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It is a proper special, a birthday special.
It is an hour long, it is not special, because we are an hour long for the rest of the series.
I have some important news so I will read it.
We have managed to acquire the rights to South Korea's biggest gameshow.
That is exciting.
Look at your excitement.
I think it will be a massive hit.
They sent me the kit we need to play this game.
"Hey, Keith, what is a game?" Let us play (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Welcome to the UK premiere of Wan Jam Bananas.
The rules for Totally Bananas are simple.
You have to go through the course.
Over the ramp and over the crevice and through the hoop and the chicane.
Through the poles and under the hurdle.
Over the hurdle.
Under the hurdle and down the ramp.
Round the narrow passage to the end, the finish line.
It sounds easy and simple but it is not.
Our teams will be connected via a banana in the mouth.
Not only will they win a point for their team if they are the quickest, they will get the Wan Jam Banana trophy.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) First up is Holly and Fearne! Pick a banana.
Not like that.
Flat.
What do you mean? Flat, like that.
If you are 16 and at home right now and your parents aren't there get a box of tissues, you'll enjoy this.
If you feel nervous and want to comfort each other the most comforting part of the body is the breast.
(KLAXON) Living on the edge, move down the ramp.
Through the hoop.
Come on, everyone, encourage them.
Chicane around the poles.
Chicane around them.
Around the poles.
Underneath.
Over the hurdle.
Underneath.
Down the ramp.
That is special.
With the speed.
Hurry towards the narrow passage.
This is very good.
Remember it is a narrow passage! (GONG) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I can tell you Holly and Fearne did it in 44 seconds! What will happen with the Speakmans? (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) There you go.
Thank you.
Yes.
And enjoy it, yeah? Yeah.
I'm gonna have a great time A great time! Ready? Some encouragement from the audience.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Steady as you go.
Over the crevice.
Through the hoop.
There you go.
Connected by that banana.
Chicane through the poles.
That's it.
(ALL GROAN) The banana is not broken, still connected.
There might be some penalty points there.
Now we are picking up the pace.
Under the hurdle.
Over the hurdle.
Under the hurdle.
Down the ramp.
That is it.
Through the narrow passage.
Through the narrow passage.
(GONG) The Speakmans! I can tell you your time was It went down my throat! Holly and Fearne 44.
The Speakmans .
.
46! Next up is Ruth and Eamonn.
My prosthetics won't allow me to do that.
Are you pulling out? I'm pulling out.
I will play for him.
Ruth and me.
My wife has a very sensitive gag reflex.
I am just pointing that out.
If I get nervous can I touch her cushions? Which way around? Where's my microphone? Which way round do you want? Flat.
Are you ready? Next is Keith and Ruth as Keith is taking the place of Eamonn.
Steady as you go.
They are going through the hoop.
Be careful.
Round the chicane and in and out.
They are doing very well.
This is fast at the moment.
Under.
Do not break the banana.
Over.
Under.
Down the ramp.
Very quick.
Round they go into the tunnel of terror or whatever it is called.
Careful, Ruth.
Testing out the sensitive gag reflex.
(GONG) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That was quick.
Come over here and we will find out.
I don't even like bananas.
Results are in.
Myself and Fearne 44 seconds.
Have Ruth and Keith beaten us? They did the course in 46 seconds! Which means Holly and Fearne are the winners.
You know it's my birthday? They are lying to you.
Me and Ruth did it in 38 seconds.
Which means Eamonn and Ruth win that round.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) So nice on our sideboard.
Tweet a picture of it on the mantelpiece.
Ruth, do not sit on it by accident.
The scores at the end of that roundsha-ting! We are going to an advert break.
I'm off for a piss, see you in a hiss! Coming up after t'break She used violence! (CHEERING) Hello, welcome back to Celebrity Juice! (APPLAUSE) Mr Speakman Yes? .
.
can we talk about some of your haircuts? (LAUGHTER) They are quite magical, aren't they? I believe they have been, yeah.
Let's look at some of the sectors that we've (LAUGHTER) That is an interesting one.
That looks like a drunken Fearne Cotton.
Let's have a look at another one.
We've had Fearne Cotton, now we've got Davina McCall.
(LAUGHTER) Let's have a look at the Bradley Walsh.
That is the Bradley Walsh look there.
(LAUGHTER) Eamonn, are you awake? Yes, I'm still with you.
(LAUGHTER) He's forever falling asleep, isn't he? Yeah.
It is concentration.
He is listening.
With you on This Morning, we have got a picture, have a look.
(LAUGHTER) That is me looking down.
(IRISH ACCENT) Looking down.
I'm looking down.
Didn't he fall asleep on Juice? I'm about to fucking fall asleep.
(APPLAUSE) Time for the final round, the Buzzer Round.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Buzz in if you know the answer.
If not, be a chancer and buzz in anyway.
Holly and Fearne, what's your buzzer this week? BUZZER: L-l-l-lesbians! Perfect.
The Speakmans, what is your buzzer? BUZZER: E-e-e-eye candy! (LAUGHTER) Ruth and Eamonn, what is your buzzer? (INCOMPREHENSIBLE IRISH BABBLE) So it is.
(IRISH ACCENT) So it is, so it is.
Gino and Kath, what is your buzzer? (ITALIAN ACCENT) It's a Yorkshire pudding like my mum used to make in Sheffield.
(LAUGHTER) You like Yorkshire puddings, don't you, Katherine? Yeah.
I've got a picture of you enjoying Yorkshire puddings.
There you go, there you go.
(LAUGHTER) Love Yorkshire puddings.
(WOLF WHISTLES IN AUDIENCE) Gino is tit-notised.
(LAUGHTER) That was for charity, I'd point out.
Yes, very nice, very nice.
(APPLAUSE) OK.
The first question is What did EastEnders star Adam Woodyatt, aka Ian Beale, stop for during the London Marathon? (RUTH AND EAMONN'S BUZZER) Ruth and Eamonn? Directions.
No, that's incorrect.
(SPEAKMANS' BUZZER) That's the Speakmans.
A wee.
No, that's incorrect.
(HOLLY AND FEARNE'S BUZZER) Holly and Fearne.
A poo.
A poo.
No, that's incorrect.
(GINO AND KAT'S BUZZER) Gino and Katherine.
Food.
Ooh, I'll give you that.
It was ice cream.
Yeah, that's correct.
(APPLAUSE) What is Rick Speakman up to in this photo? (GINO AND KAT'S BUZZER) Gino and Katherine.
Did he experience the first time he put his willy into a pie? (LAUGHTER) That is incorrect.
Let's reveal.
He is pumping some iron.
All right.
(HUBBUB) Pass it on, pass it on, pass it on.
Pass it to me.
Point to the team who bring me that pizza back.
Point to your team if you bring me the pizza back.
(CHEERING) Holly, Holly, Holly.
She used violence! (HUBBUB) A point for the Speakmans.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Why is it taking Tom Harrison so long to complete this year's London Marathon? (HOLLY AND FEARNE'S BUZZER) Holly and Fearne.
Because he was dressed as a gorilla.
That is correct.
There he is.
Go on, you can do it.
Go on.
There he is.
Raising money for gorillas cos they spend their money on leather jackets and guns just like in Planet of the Apes.
What is Eamonn looking up at? (EAMONN AND RUTH'S BUZZER) Forgotten his key yet again and I locked the door and he's calling up at the bedroom window for me to let him in.
(HOLLY AND FEARNE'S BUZZER) I don't know! You had the tallest man on This Morning? Let's have a look.
/fo Paul Sturgess, lovely man.
I am 6 feet seven.
So am I! (LAUGHTER) He's 7 foot 7.
Lovely guy.
Really nice.
What is Kath up to here? Her agent agreed she should come on Celebrity Juice.
(GINO AND KATH'S BUZZER) Gino and Catherine? Are you doing anal? I am not, I am weight training.
Let's have a look.
At the gym, weight training.
(KLAXON) That's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice, my birthday special.
And the winning team is .
.
the winners are Holly and Fearne! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) If I don't see you through t'week, I'll see you through t'window.
All t'best!
Check out my new sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking, "What the fuck is going on?" Don't worry, it is just another overelaborate metaphor for how totally rad the show is.
There is Holly Willoughboobs firing space lasers from her massive tits! And there is Fearne Cotton riding a giant cock-shaped spaceship.
There's Gino d'Acampo firing dough balls! Here we are taking a selfie.
We got to the studio just in time for the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? Its Celebrity Juice on't telly.
Not in 3-D.
I fucking wish it was though! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Oh, yes.
(ROARS) Hello, you sexy bastards! Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
Celebrity Juice special.
A couples special tonight.
More specifically it is my birthday special! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) OK, let's meet our teams.
First up, from dreams it's become a reality, Holly and Fearne together.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I think the selling point of the show when we started 16 series ago, was the rivalry between you two going against each other.
But tonight you are together.
United.
Will you be feeding each other's horses and cleaning the windows? It doesn't have to be like that.
This is the dream team.
OK, let's meet our other team couple tonight.
None other than telly therapists the Speakmans! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Joining the Speakmans tonight is the horniest couple on TV.
It is Ruth and Eamonn! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And finally, it is none other than Gino d'Acampo and AUDIENCE: Aw! My guest, she is slightly late.
But I booked it and everything is fine, all under control.
Have you really booked someone? Is this just so you can be "Kapitan" again! (LAUGHTER) You think I'm going to do this by myself? On the desk there you have a C and G.
What is the C for? Carbonara? No? Ciabatta? No.
I can't tell you.
Is it (BLEEP)? Ruth, they love it, the dirty bastards! She will be here soon, just be patient.
Don't put the pressure on me.
I won't give you any pressure.
Holly, really good to have you back.
How was rehab? It was fine.
I feel much better now, thank you.
You escaped, to be fair, didn't you? Apparently so.
We've got proof of the rehab.
There you were, running out of rehab.
Having a little sip.
Is that what I was up to? That is not all you were up to, no.
There you are.
The yard of ale.
Oh, my God.
You are so cock hungry! I was thinking, why am I wearing a cap? That is not me, is it I see what is happening there.
Let us introduce our next TV couple.
They are telly therapists, the Speakmans! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It says here you are psychotherapists.
Correct.
What is the Goddamn message? Well What is the message? What are the peripherals of being a psychotherapist? We help people.
Yes.
We help people get over anxiety disorders and feel better about themselves.
Is that a professional term rather than saying we help people who are shit scared of things? What is the process, how do you do such a thing? We tell them not to be.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) What is the weirdest thing someone has been scared of? Gravity.
Gravity? Gravity.
We have had someone scared of gravity.
Someone scared of pubic hair.
Pubic hair? Some of it can be scary, can't it, Holly? (LAUGHTER) What about Gino? He's scared of Brexit.
Can you help him? (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) What scares you, then? Frogs.
I'm scared of frogs.
Are you really? But I don't want to overcome fear of the frog.
I don't really hang out with them.
In my line of work I don't see them that much.
I don't like snakes.
I don't like anything without fur.
What about a dolphin, they are nice? They haven't got any fur? (GROANS) Don't even say 'dolphins'! What? I HATE dolphins.
They're lovely! They're friendly.
They are not friendly! They are not! They are so friendly.
I don't like using the R word on telly.
Do you know what they do to each other? What? Unconsensual sex with each other! They do! No! Roll them down to the bottom and (GRUNTS) And then they go (HIGH-PITCHED) Ni-ni-ni-ni-ni! Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-ki! They do.
(APPLAUSE) What has a frog ever done to you? When I was a kid playing with cars.
.
Before you start, on a scale of 0 to 10? If there was a frog, how scared would I be? Yes.
Probably about two.
When I was a kid I was playing with my cars and do you use the term 'grates' in London? The grid? In the street? A drain? I opened it up and a frog looked at me, it was in there and it went (INHALES SHARPLY) .
.
on my skin! I screamed and my mum thought I'd been run over.
(SCREAMS WILDLY) Shit, I nearly fainted then.
I can see stars.
Shit! We got some letters, we did Twitter and said you were coming on.
We've gone old school with letters.
I will read them to you.
"Dear Nick and Eva, I desperately need your help.
I get on really well with these two fit blonde girls at work, I would like to take things to the next level.
They both seem to have a phobia of threesomes! Is there anything you can do to cure them of being so boring? Thanks a lot and keep up the good work.
Kieron, in London.
" Maybe those two girls had a deep fear of twats? What advice would you give Kieron? For the girls, just enjoy themselves cos one day you'll die, so it's good to try things, innit? I can see my guest is here.
Who is it? A round of applause for Catherine Tittersley.
(CORONATION STREET THEME) Ciao, bella.
Mwah.
For you guys at home, if you couldn't hear Gino's intro.
Who is on? Tyldesley, babe.
No, it is many more letters.
The D is silent.
What the fuck are you put in there? If it is silent, take it out.
Catherine Tylsley! I've got the questions.
Oh, you've got questions? I don't understand.
You've got questions? You usually ask questions.
You've written some questions? Yes.
I told you he wants to take over! These are Gino's questions for you.
"Hello, Catherine, the fittest of all the girls from Coronation Road.
Can I please say you look fantastico this evening?" Thanks, babe.
Since you was last on Celebrity Juice you have got married and had a baby, congratulations.
Thank you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I thought they would be rude questions.
Here is a picture of you and your husband on your wedding day.
That is not her husband, Gino.
That is my fake fella.
That is Shayne Ward.
Husband.
I prefer Shayne, he's better looking.
(SQUEALS) What the fuck were that? (SQUEALS) What were that?! Just laughing.
(SQUEALS) (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) Keep laughing.
Don't, because last time I was on you made me wee.
Anyway, Catherine, you recently had a boob job that went wrong.
We have a picture here.
You have one big one? I was with child.
My son was there, Alfie.
Oh, that is not your tit? No.
You recently accidentally uploaded a video of Shayne Ward fingering you, didn't you? It says here.
(SQUEALS) I so know what is coming.
(SQUEALS) We have the aforementioned video here.
Oh, shit! (SQUEALS) Had a good time, didn't he? No, let me explain.
(SQUEALS) We were doing Ghost.
The pottery scene.
We thought it was funny that we were in Underworld on the sewing machine.
We were probably the only people laughing, to be fair.
It is Ruth and Eamonn! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Ruth and Eamonn, I would say you are my favourite TV married couple on television.
Thank you.
What do you think the secret is to your success? In our marriage? Being a married couple on telly as well, I guess.
What is it like working together? Marvellous, we love every second don't we, darling? A unique experience.
Isn't it? I can highly recommend it.
A lot of people say don't work with your partner, don't they? I wish I had listened, but no.
People see us have the odd I don't think we argue.
We do.
We have differences of opinion.
I hate to argue with you, but we do.
Not a full-blown row.
We just have differences of opinion, don't we? You huff and disagree on everything.
I just don't always agree.
You think Holly sits with Phillip in the morning going, "I'm not doing that," and kicks him on the shin? They are not married, they're just fuck buddies.
We should have stuck to that.
That's where it all went wrong.
Ruth, it is true that you described him as a steam train in the bedroom? Not entirely true.
It was fake news, that's fake news.
Fake news.
We were talking about dancing and Jane Moore said, "You know that you can tell a lot by a man how he will be in bed by the way he dances.
" I said that was interesting because my husband is a steam train.
I meant dancing.
He does that.
So he's rubbish in bed? I have no complaints, Keith.
Yeah! Hey, you know what, it is my birthday so tonight we will play the games I want to play.
A Juice favourite.
What is my favourite game on Juice? Don't Show Keith Your Teeth! It is a word association game and you must not stutter or hesitate.
You must not repeat.
But more specifically, you must not show your teeth.
I will give you a subject and we will begin.
That is hard because Ruth has very big teeth.
Horse teeth.
Shut your ears.
Eamonn, does she sometimes scrape? You cannot ask.
That is disgusting, I can tell by Eva's face! Do you like ice cream? The subject is things you do on your birthday.
Fearne.
Have a party.
Let offparty poppers.
Let off Let off party poppers! You look like your dad! Aw! (BUZZER) I saw your teeth.
I wasn't playing.
I saw your teeth.
I wasn't playing! (BUZZER) Peppa Pig.
I would say, have breakfast in bed.
It's my birthday! Musical chairs.
Musical chairs.
Spinning the bottle.
Karaoke.
Karaoke.
Karaoke.
Cop off! Cop off! Are you saying cop off? Oh! Eat an ice cream.
Have jelly and ice cream.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) The winning team is Holly and Fearne! The scores at the end of this round.
Schating! I think we are going to an advert break.
We are.
Coming up after the break.
If you wanted to put your dick in a pie, how would you know what flavour (CHEERING) Hello! Welcome back to the show! (CHEERING) Holly, have you ever been shopping and tried to carry all the produce you've bought at the shop into the house in carrier bags and it really hurts your fingers? Yes.
It really hurt your fingers.
So then you try and get the clingfilm out of the bag and you wrap all the produce around your body.
Have you ever tried to do that? No, never.
Well, let's try and do it now, as we play Ee, My Head's Been Laden With Stuff! # BASEMENT JAXX: Where's Your Head At Hi.
Welcome to Ee, My Head's Been Laden With Stuff.
For this, the rules are simple.
All you've got to do is put as many household items around your head using clingfilm.
The person with most items around their head at the end wins a point for their team.
You've got an allotted time.
It's simple.
Is this health and safety OK? Health and safety OK, it is not.
Do not put it around the mouth because you will die.
Anybody at home playing this, don't play this at home.
You will die.
(LAUGHTER) OK, you will go on the klaxon.
(KLAXON) Klaxon! (LAUGHTER) It's not on straight.
Ruth has gone with the flip-flop and the lady towels.
That's it.
Cath has gone for a big object.
A watering can and a flip-flop.
(LAUGHTER) Keep going.
I can cope with that.
Fearne looks like she's in the rain in the '50s.
(LAUGHTER) Put it back in.
That is the best haircut Nik's ever had.
(LAUGHTER) I might stick with this.
You're not scared of clingfilm, are you? No.
(LAUGHTER) Not across the mouth, not across the mouth! Eamonn's living the dream.
He knows how to do this.
(IRISH ACCENT) I'm going to help you out, I am.
That's the situation.
(LAUGHTER) You look pretty wrapped, Eamonn.
You look good.
(KLAXON) (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) There's the klaxon.
Ruth, don't kill him! We need him! We need him.
I'll count the products.
It's quite the fashion.
I don't mind it.
CATH: You look quite high-end.
I'm kind of into it.
I can't not get this, can I? Lady Gaga.
Love.
And Lady Gaga's brother.
And the mad uncle.
(LAUGHTER) And the next-door neighbour that's really naughty.
(LAUGHTER) OK, I can reveal that the winning couple .
.
isn't Gino and Catherine.
AUDIENCE: Awww! It isn't Oh, this is intense.
.
.
Ruth and Eamonn.
(LAUGHTER) The Speakmans have clingfilmed ten items.
Holly and Fearne have clingfilmed 11 items! (APPLAUSE) # Simply the best # Better than all the rest # And the scores at the end of that round are sha-ting! (CHEERING) Ee, my head's been laden with stuff! # BASEMENT JAXX: Where's Your Head At Eamonn and Ruth, remind me, how long have you two been together? 21 years together, seven years married.
How romantic.
(APPLAUSE) You know each other inside out, you would say? Intimately.
Pretty much, yes.
OK, well, let's put that to the test, as we play Master & Miss.
# ABBA: Knowing Me, Knowing You Hello and welcome to Master & Miss, which is a totally 100% original idea.
There's no shows like this on television.
The reason is because on this show there is two presenters.
Let me introduce my fellow presenter, Gino D'Acampo.
(APPLAUSE) AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino! Hello.
My name is Gino D'Acampo.
Welcome to Mr & Mrs.
(LAUGHTER) First, it's called "Master & Miss".
And you're not the presenter, you're the co-presenter.
So I'll do this business, yeah? This game is simple.
Basically, it's how much you know about each other.
I will ask you a question, then Gino will ask you a question.
You have to write down on your boards here.
If the answers tally up, you win a point for your team.
Do you understand? Of course! I'm not stupid.
(LAUGHTER) OK, here's the first question.
On average, how many minutes does Ruth take to make her look beautiful on a morning? Minutes or hours? On average, how many MINUTES does Ruth take to make herself look beautiful on a morning? Ready? Ruth, what have you got? Reveal.
80 minutes.
That's a lot.
Ooh That's two hours! (BUZZER) It depends if you've been out the night before.
(LAUGHTER) Gino, you have the next question.
OK, the next question is, On average, how many minutes does it take for Eamonn to reach "cleemax"? (LAUGHTER) What is that? A what? Cleemax.
What's one of them? You know Pleurgh! (LAUGHTER) I'm not answering that.
You can't ask TV royalty that.
I won't allow it.
Not Eamonn and Ruth! It's like asking your mum and dad.
It's against the law.
Which Loose Women would Eamonn most like to join you two in a threesome? (LAUGHTER) Janet Street-Porter, Gloria Hunniford, Coleen Nolan? OK, have we to choose one or more than one? Oh! (LAUGHTER) And you said I'm a dirty bastard! The answer's obvious.
Two of them have Two? So which ones? Two.
The clue is "threesome".
And I make three.
I'm not there, then? There are two of these women who are crazy about me.
Ruth knows it.
Day in, day out, you are plagued by it.
They want you to die, basically.
(LAUGHTER) They want my body.
And there's two of them.
And these are the names.
Whoa! Whoa! (APPLAUSE) (BELL) You've got a point.
Thank you.
It's true.
Well done, Eamonn and Ruth.
(APPLAUSE) Next up it's the Speakmans.
# ABBA: Knowing Me, Knowing You Here I am with the Speakmans.
Here's the first question.
On average, how many minutes does it take for Nik to do his hair on a morning? (LAUGHTER) I'm done.
I don't muck about.
Do you know you? She's written it down.
I'm deliberating.
OK.
(CHUCKLES) Mrs Speakman? Five minutes.
Five minutes! Well done.
(APPLAUSE) (BELL) Gino's question.
What flavour pie would Nik most like to put his dick in? (LAUGHTER) Gino, you've got to stop your perverted mind infiltrating your TV career.
Just stick to dough balls, mate.
This is not working out for you.
Your questions are boring! People don't care about his hair! No, but she is right, you know, because Yeah.
I tell you what, Fearne.
It's my birthday, so I decide what I want.
Next week, how about you present the whole show with me? I would love to do that.
Why the whole show? I've never done a whole show.
Yeah, but the bits you have done have been shit.
(LAUGHTER) Who'd like to see Fearne do the whole show with me? (CHEERING) Yeah, I'm up for that.
Rein it in, Gino.
What I want to know - if you wanted to put your dick in a pie, how would you know what flavour it was? (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Is there something special about your dick? You would choose the pie according to the taste of your partner.
If you were a romantic guy If you were a romantic guy and your missus says, "How about you sticking your knob in a pie for me tonight?" (LAUGHTER) Is this experience or fantasy? No, no He's not scared of pies! Stop trying to help him.
He's not scared.
From 1-10, how much do you like putting your knob in a pie? (LAUGHTER) Write down.
Write your answer.
None.
None.
(BELL) I don't like pastry.
(LAUGHTER) Ladies and gentlemen, say thank you to the Speakmans.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Next up it's Holly and Fearne.
(APPLAUSE) # ABBA: Knowing Me, Knowing You OK, you two are obviously not a master and miss.
You're two friends.
We want to know how well you know each other.
OK, the first question is What's the most annoying thing Holly does when she's drunk? Apart from pissing on foxes.
Yeah, that's one.
I'm not an annoying drunk.
You're a fun drunk.
What's the funniest thing she's done when drunk? There's tons.
I think I've got one.
Holly's got one.
This won't be funny to anyone else but it was comical at the time.
We'll cut it out, then.
Fucking hell, just write it down.
(LAUGHTER) OK, reveal.
Failed to screw a dartboard to a wall.
You know what Holly does when she's drunk? She always fails to nail dartboards (LAUGHTER) OK, my one I'm revealing was with Fearne in LA and I was very drunk - Oh, you're going to do THAT one! I got in the lift and the man in the lift thought I was a prostitute.
(LAUGHTER) And then he got in and sort of propositioned Holly, and she - this is what Holly does when she's drunk - she went, "FUCK YOU!" and pushed him out the lift.
(LAUGHTER) I was very drunk.
You said she was a happy drunk.
Gino, your question.
OK.
If you two would lezz off (LAUGHTER) .
.
who would wear the strap-on? (LAUGHTER) Everybody's wondering the same thing.
I'm going to put what the masses want.
Have you got sex toys? I didn't know.
Oh, I've got a I've got a vibrating vulva.
(LAUGHTER) It's a new one.
2014 model.
It goes (LAUGHTER) What do you do? Can it go in? Yeah.
We're still on the telly.
They gonna to cut this off.
(LAUGHTER) No.
You need to cut it off.
I've gone for the obvious.
I've already got a cock.
Me, cos Fearne doesn't need one.
There you go.
(LAUGHTER) Ladies and gentlemen, Holly and Fearne! (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Gino.
And the scores at the end of the round are sha-ting! (APPLAUSE) Gino, Gino, Gino.
Quick.
You know you've always wanted to link to a break, don't you? Do like a little rhyme or summat.
"I'm off for a poo, see you in two.
" Yeah.
Link to t'break.
Make your own up.
Uh (LAUGHTER) Just like that? Do a little rhyme.
You should have told me.
I would have prepared a rhyme.
I don't prepare anything.
Yes, you do.
Five seconds.
Five seconds.
OK.
We're going to go for a break (LAUGHTER) I'm going to have some cake! (APPLAUSE) Coming up after t'break My wife has a very sensitive gag reflex.
(LAUGHTER) If I get nervous, can I touch her cushions? Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It is a proper special, a birthday special.
It is an hour long, it is not special, because we are an hour long for the rest of the series.
I have some important news so I will read it.
We have managed to acquire the rights to South Korea's biggest gameshow.
That is exciting.
Look at your excitement.
I think it will be a massive hit.
They sent me the kit we need to play this game.
"Hey, Keith, what is a game?" Let us play (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Welcome to the UK premiere of Wan Jam Bananas.
The rules for Totally Bananas are simple.
You have to go through the course.
Over the ramp and over the crevice and through the hoop and the chicane.
Through the poles and under the hurdle.
Over the hurdle.
Under the hurdle and down the ramp.
Round the narrow passage to the end, the finish line.
It sounds easy and simple but it is not.
Our teams will be connected via a banana in the mouth.
Not only will they win a point for their team if they are the quickest, they will get the Wan Jam Banana trophy.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) First up is Holly and Fearne! Pick a banana.
Not like that.
Flat.
What do you mean? Flat, like that.
If you are 16 and at home right now and your parents aren't there get a box of tissues, you'll enjoy this.
If you feel nervous and want to comfort each other the most comforting part of the body is the breast.
(KLAXON) Living on the edge, move down the ramp.
Through the hoop.
Come on, everyone, encourage them.
Chicane around the poles.
Chicane around them.
Around the poles.
Underneath.
Over the hurdle.
Underneath.
Down the ramp.
That is special.
With the speed.
Hurry towards the narrow passage.
This is very good.
Remember it is a narrow passage! (GONG) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I can tell you Holly and Fearne did it in 44 seconds! What will happen with the Speakmans? (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) There you go.
Thank you.
Yes.
And enjoy it, yeah? Yeah.
I'm gonna have a great time A great time! Ready? Some encouragement from the audience.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Steady as you go.
Over the crevice.
Through the hoop.
There you go.
Connected by that banana.
Chicane through the poles.
That's it.
(ALL GROAN) The banana is not broken, still connected.
There might be some penalty points there.
Now we are picking up the pace.
Under the hurdle.
Over the hurdle.
Under the hurdle.
Down the ramp.
That is it.
Through the narrow passage.
Through the narrow passage.
(GONG) The Speakmans! I can tell you your time was It went down my throat! Holly and Fearne 44.
The Speakmans .
.
46! Next up is Ruth and Eamonn.
My prosthetics won't allow me to do that.
Are you pulling out? I'm pulling out.
I will play for him.
Ruth and me.
My wife has a very sensitive gag reflex.
I am just pointing that out.
If I get nervous can I touch her cushions? Which way around? Where's my microphone? Which way round do you want? Flat.
Are you ready? Next is Keith and Ruth as Keith is taking the place of Eamonn.
Steady as you go.
They are going through the hoop.
Be careful.
Round the chicane and in and out.
They are doing very well.
This is fast at the moment.
Under.
Do not break the banana.
Over.
Under.
Down the ramp.
Very quick.
Round they go into the tunnel of terror or whatever it is called.
Careful, Ruth.
Testing out the sensitive gag reflex.
(GONG) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That was quick.
Come over here and we will find out.
I don't even like bananas.
Results are in.
Myself and Fearne 44 seconds.
Have Ruth and Keith beaten us? They did the course in 46 seconds! Which means Holly and Fearne are the winners.
You know it's my birthday? They are lying to you.
Me and Ruth did it in 38 seconds.
Which means Eamonn and Ruth win that round.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) So nice on our sideboard.
Tweet a picture of it on the mantelpiece.
Ruth, do not sit on it by accident.
The scores at the end of that roundsha-ting! We are going to an advert break.
I'm off for a piss, see you in a hiss! Coming up after t'break She used violence! (CHEERING) Hello, welcome back to Celebrity Juice! (APPLAUSE) Mr Speakman Yes? .
.
can we talk about some of your haircuts? (LAUGHTER) They are quite magical, aren't they? I believe they have been, yeah.
Let's look at some of the sectors that we've (LAUGHTER) That is an interesting one.
That looks like a drunken Fearne Cotton.
Let's have a look at another one.
We've had Fearne Cotton, now we've got Davina McCall.
(LAUGHTER) Let's have a look at the Bradley Walsh.
That is the Bradley Walsh look there.
(LAUGHTER) Eamonn, are you awake? Yes, I'm still with you.
(LAUGHTER) He's forever falling asleep, isn't he? Yeah.
It is concentration.
He is listening.
With you on This Morning, we have got a picture, have a look.
(LAUGHTER) That is me looking down.
(IRISH ACCENT) Looking down.
I'm looking down.
Didn't he fall asleep on Juice? I'm about to fucking fall asleep.
(APPLAUSE) Time for the final round, the Buzzer Round.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Buzz in if you know the answer.
If not, be a chancer and buzz in anyway.
Holly and Fearne, what's your buzzer this week? BUZZER: L-l-l-lesbians! Perfect.
The Speakmans, what is your buzzer? BUZZER: E-e-e-eye candy! (LAUGHTER) Ruth and Eamonn, what is your buzzer? (INCOMPREHENSIBLE IRISH BABBLE) So it is.
(IRISH ACCENT) So it is, so it is.
Gino and Kath, what is your buzzer? (ITALIAN ACCENT) It's a Yorkshire pudding like my mum used to make in Sheffield.
(LAUGHTER) You like Yorkshire puddings, don't you, Katherine? Yeah.
I've got a picture of you enjoying Yorkshire puddings.
There you go, there you go.
(LAUGHTER) Love Yorkshire puddings.
(WOLF WHISTLES IN AUDIENCE) Gino is tit-notised.
(LAUGHTER) That was for charity, I'd point out.
Yes, very nice, very nice.
(APPLAUSE) OK.
The first question is What did EastEnders star Adam Woodyatt, aka Ian Beale, stop for during the London Marathon? (RUTH AND EAMONN'S BUZZER) Ruth and Eamonn? Directions.
No, that's incorrect.
(SPEAKMANS' BUZZER) That's the Speakmans.
A wee.
No, that's incorrect.
(HOLLY AND FEARNE'S BUZZER) Holly and Fearne.
A poo.
A poo.
No, that's incorrect.
(GINO AND KAT'S BUZZER) Gino and Katherine.
Food.
Ooh, I'll give you that.
It was ice cream.
Yeah, that's correct.
(APPLAUSE) What is Rick Speakman up to in this photo? (GINO AND KAT'S BUZZER) Gino and Katherine.
Did he experience the first time he put his willy into a pie? (LAUGHTER) That is incorrect.
Let's reveal.
He is pumping some iron.
All right.
(HUBBUB) Pass it on, pass it on, pass it on.
Pass it to me.
Point to the team who bring me that pizza back.
Point to your team if you bring me the pizza back.
(CHEERING) Holly, Holly, Holly.
She used violence! (HUBBUB) A point for the Speakmans.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Why is it taking Tom Harrison so long to complete this year's London Marathon? (HOLLY AND FEARNE'S BUZZER) Holly and Fearne.
Because he was dressed as a gorilla.
That is correct.
There he is.
Go on, you can do it.
Go on.
There he is.
Raising money for gorillas cos they spend their money on leather jackets and guns just like in Planet of the Apes.
What is Eamonn looking up at? (EAMONN AND RUTH'S BUZZER) Forgotten his key yet again and I locked the door and he's calling up at the bedroom window for me to let him in.
(HOLLY AND FEARNE'S BUZZER) I don't know! You had the tallest man on This Morning? Let's have a look.
/fo Paul Sturgess, lovely man.
I am 6 feet seven.
So am I! (LAUGHTER) He's 7 foot 7.
Lovely guy.
Really nice.
What is Kath up to here? Her agent agreed she should come on Celebrity Juice.
(GINO AND KATH'S BUZZER) Gino and Catherine? Are you doing anal? I am not, I am weight training.
Let's have a look.
At the gym, weight training.
(KLAXON) That's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice, my birthday special.
And the winning team is .
.
the winners are Holly and Fearne! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) If I don't see you through t'week, I'll see you through t'window.
All t'best!