The Murdoch Mysteries (2004) s18e07 Episode Script
Measure of My Dreams
1
(GENTLE CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
That's all you are, you know.
You're a cheap, lousy maggot!
- Oh, and you're better?
- I surely am.
You'd best watch it.
We get outta here, I'm
going to wring your neck.
(CACKLING)
That's a laugh. You
don't have the strength.
You never did and you never will.
Evening, Officers.
And the blessing of the
season to the pair of you.
Are you two ready to behave yourselves?
Oh, like God's own angels.
Isn't that right, Shane?
Truly 'tis.
Enjoy Christmas.
Very magnanimous of you, sir.
It's Christmas Eve.
What better time for magnanimity?
(KEYS JINGLING)
(UPBEAT CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(BEATRICE): Well, this is dull.
(AMANDA): Shh. She invited us.
Please. They're family.
Go be entertaining!
I've allowed all your
sisters into my home.
That's entertaining enough.
- (SNAPS FINGERS) Go!
- (SIGHS)
Could I get you ladies a drink?
- I don't drink.
- I would love one.
What would you like?
Oh, Thomas, you know
very well what I like.
It just doesn't suit polite company.
(SIGHS)
So, Margaret, where is
this surprise you promised?
We came all the way to this cesspool
of a city on your insistence.
Well, patience, Camilla.
It will be worth the wait.
Psst!
What?
Is this just for Christmas Eve?
- Oh! And Christmas day.
- Ah, bloody hell.
Oh, language! I heard that.
Oh, of course she bloody did.
Heard that, too!
(SIGHS)
(KISSES)
(SIGHS)
So we fill out one of these for each,
in order to keep track.
Can I help you, gentlemen?
- Us?
- Gentlemen? Us.
(LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY)
Oh, that's rich.
What can we do for you?
Heard you were holding a Shane McGowan?
- We're here to post bail.
- Hm.
Oh! That won't be necessary.
We released him and his companion.
- What? When?
- Oh, less than an hour ago.
Thank you.
- A slippery fish.
- Shh.
- They didn't seem happy about that.
- Mm.
Thomas, Amanda, is in charge
of all of the police
officers in Toronto now.
Oh, I couldn't think of a better choice.
A strong powerful man
for a strong powerful job.
Strange.
I thought it was cream that
was supposed to rise to the top.
But I suppose in the police department,
- things are different.
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
(MARGARET LAUGHS
UNCOMFORTABLY) I'll get that!
Well, who else would? It is your home.
- Right you are.
- Mm-hm.
- We're here.
- Oh!
- Stating the bloody obvious as always, Higgins.
- Language.
It is my home.
Yes, that's right, a home.
Not a beer parlour or a gin mill.
- No. Yes!
- Henry, Henry.
Oh, yes, of course.
Sorry. Ah, may I present
the star of the silver screen,
the portrayer of the Amazing Agnes.
I give you all Miss Ruth Newsome.
- Ooh!
- Oh!
Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you.
- Such an admirer.
- Oh, it's all right.
It's all right. I'm a normal person,
just like you. Just a
More glamorous version
of such, I suppose.
- And, uh, so you must be the
- Oh!
- Three
- Yes, yes, three.
Oh! Ooh.
The thr the three
sisters that I have heard
so much about.
- Oh, this is just beautiful.
- Don't touch that.
Isn't she something, sir?
This is going to be a jolly evening.
Ho. Ho. Ho
(THEME MUSIC)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CHUCKLING) Cheers!
You must be missing your family.
- I am.
- Hm.
Well, at least we have
the Brackenreids' party.
Along with all of Mrs.
Brackenreid's family.
(SIGHS)
You know, I never minded
spending Christmas alone.
Right.
- But we were invited.
- Where is he?!
- Pardon?
- Shane.
He deserted me minutes
after you let us go.
- Did he come back here?
- Why would he do that?
Well, I've long since
stopped trying to reckon
what Shane gets up to, but
you have to help me find him.
Perhaps he went off with those two men
- who were just here looking for him.
- What two men?
Two men came in offering
to post his bail.
Did one of them have an eye patch?
- Yes.
- Oh, good lord.
- You know them?
- The Murphys.
Shane's got himself
in trouble with them.
What kind of trouble?
Well, if the Murphys set foot
in a police station, big trouble.
Yeah, you have to help me
find him. Come on, boys.
Perhaps the Brackenreids'
party can wait?
Mm.
Don't get me started on Lillian Gish.
- Ooh!
- She just stole a role that I
I deserve to play.
- Oh.
- And wouldn't you like
- to know how she did that?
- (WOMEN CHUCKLING)
Uh-huh. Oh, oh! And the way
th-th-that Mabel
Norman and Mary Pickford
- fight behind the scenes.
- Oh!
A term that we use in my business,
you would not think they were ladies.
- (CHUCKLING)
- Oh.
- Like wild animals.
- Oh. Hm.
Excuse me.
Margaret. (CHUCKLING)
I thought you promised us a fun party.
So far, all I've heard are stories
about the goings-on of
souls that are on the road
To eternal damnation.
I thought you would like it.
Well, I do. Up to a point,
if only to know that they're
going to get what they deserve.
(CHUCKLING)
Excellent. Um, attention
everyone, please.
Uh, it's time for a parlour game.
Uh, does anyone have a favourite
- Oh, oh! Squeal, piggy, squeal!
- Oh!
I want to play squeal, piggy, squeal.
I would love to play.
As long as the two handsome
gentlemen will join in.
Do you hear that, sir? Handsome.
Don't get excited, Higgins.
That one would take a run at
anyone in a pair of trousers.
And I mean anyone.
(LAUGHING, CHATTERING)
(JAZZY MUSIC)
(MAN): That's on the
house. Merry Christmas.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Do you mind if I join you a moment?
Oh! Be my guest.
You look like a man with
something on his mind.
More like someone.
Mm. Ah, must be nice.
But I had a question for you.
- Question?
- Well, advice actually.
On your feet, lazybones.
(CHUCKLING)
(SOFT MUSIC)
(HUSHED CHATTER)
- Toronto Constabulary.
- Ah, evening gentlemen.
I know my licence isn't yet renewed,
but these folks have nowhere else to go
and they deserve a
little Christmas cheer.
- We don't care about that.
- Oh!
You in for a drink?
- No.
- We're looking for Shane.
Has he been by?
Oh, ah, you can tell 'em.
Shane was by. But I
had to throw him out.
Why?
Well, he was pestering everyone
trying to cadge a free drink.
Well, if you threw him
out every time he did that,
- he'd never be in.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
But this night, I was fed up.
So I threw him out on his arse.
Any idea where he might have gone?
Oh, this time of the night?
- Try Sally McLennane's.
- No, not, not her no.
Don't worry yourself, Kristy.
He's not going there for loving.
Sally's been selling poitín
out the back of her store.
Poitín?
Uh, raw liquor.
Dirt cheap, but Shane's
got a taste for it.
Well, there isn't a liquor made
that Shane doesn't have a taste for.
Come on, I know where she is.
Hey! Shane in any trouble?
No more than normal.
Ah, so, plenty, then.
Hey, coppers.
Best of the season to you.
(BRIGHT CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(LAUGHING)
Where's that little piggy?
- (CHUCKLING) Whoo!
- (SIGHS)
This is so silly!
- Oh!
- Squeal, piggy, squeal.
- Oink, oink, oink.
- Oh!
Well, that is most definitely Thomas.
Remind you of old times?
Me on your lap and you getting fresh.
There were no old times,
and I'm not getting fresh.
Hm. You can believe what you want.
All right, Amanda, that's enough.
Get off my husband's lap. Go! Off.
- I'll go look for the mistletoe.
- Oh! You will not!
You never like to share, Margaret.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Isn't this exciting?
- Oh, it's a barrel of monkeys.
The star of The Adventures of Agnes
in our very home.
That should certainly show my sisters
the circle in which I now travel.
I'm all of aflutter.
- Where's my flask?
- Your what?
My regimental flask.
Sterling silver. I keep it by the bar.
Have you moved it?
- I certainly did not.
- Hm.
Another game. Another game!
- Yes, as long as I get to sit on Thomas' lap.
- You know, sir,
sometimes Ruth just
throws away my things
if she doesn't like them.
Margaret wouldn't do that.
Oh, and Higgins,
you shouldn't let your wife
ride roughshod over you.
Sometimes it's just easier, sir.
I know. I know.
I gave him some.
He practically begged me for it.
I'll see he repays you for it.
Doubt that.
What sort of mess he gets
himself into this time?
He's on the run from the Murphys.
Ah, then he'll be grand. The
Murphys won't do much more
than give Shane a beating and he's
had plenty of those in his time.
There must be something else.
- Ah, damn.
- What is it?
Shane told me he had a sure thing,
18-to-one odds. He placed a bet.
How did the horse do?
Pulled up lame. Never finished the race.
So he owes these Murphys money?
Ah, the Murphys don't touch the ponies.
Then why are these Murphys after him?
He must owe them money
for something else.
- Might he have left the city?
- Shane's no runner.
This dirty old town's
the only place he knows.
You there.
I think it's safe to
say Shane's got himself
into a proper mess this time.
Shortly after you
left, McBride showed up.
Listen up!
Ten dollars for whoever
can bring me Shane McCowan.
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(SHOUTING)
He didn't say anything
about alive or dead,
- but I'll wager the former.
- Is that so?
Doubt he'd deny himself the pleasure.
If McBride's after Shane,
you have to help me find him.
(SIGHS)
We'll do our best.
In for a dime, in for a dollar, I'd say.
I have an idea where to look.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- (JAZZY MUSIC)
- Ah, Llewellyn.
Château Haut-Brion. Oh,
no, Violet, I cannot accept.
- Well, it's not from me.
- Then who?
- A secret admirer, I suppose.
- Oh!
Oh! That's the stuff.
(CHUCKLING) Enjoy it.
And if you're lucky,
enjoy what's to come.
- Ah.
- (HART LAUGHS)
(♪)
Why would he come here?
Shane often ends up down
here when he hits hard times.
Oh, no. Blood.
Don't go any further, Miss.
(SIGHS)
Good Lord.
That's Shane's.
(HIGGINS): A crystal chandelier?
(AMANDA): Um, a, a, a broom?
(CAMILLA): A Christmas ornament?
(BEATRICE): A, a lampshade?
(HIGGINS): A candy cane?
(AMANDA): A, a, a bell. A bell?
- Mm-mm.
- Oh, ooh! A statue? Mm-hm.
A tree?
A different sort of tree?
No, no, no!
Uh, a, a beautiful giraffe?
Oh, Henry, I'm not
trying to be a giraffe.
Don't be silly.
If I was trying to be a
giraffe, I would just do this.
- See?
- Hm.
Are you sure you're not a tree?
- Oh
- So your flask is missing
and you think one of my sisters took it?
- Well, someone did.
- Well, it wasn't my relatives.
- You likely just misplaced it.
- I didn't misplace it!
And mind yourself around Amanda.
- She's told me all about you.
- All about?
There is nothing "all about."
Well, that's not what she said.
Look, I know she's an attractive woman
and she probably
reminds you of me, but
I'm not interested in your sister.
I just want my bloody flask back.
- You're a cactus.
- Yes! Thank you.
- A cactus! It's plain as day.
- Ha, ha. A cactus. How clever, dear.
(AMANDA): And you're telling
me that's not some sort of tree?
It is not a tree. It is a succulent.
- A what?
- Thank you!
I don't know what that is. Do you?
Shane lost his cross.
It doesn't mean anything.
Well, the pool of blood
is somewhat concerning.
Was he wearing it
when you were arrested?
Ah, I can't remember. Look,
truth be told, both Shane and I
had a thirst like the devil today.
But I, I think he had it on.
Where else might he have gone?
Well, this was my best guess.
(SIGHS) Well,
I'm afraid there's not
much more we can do for you.
So you're going to abandon
me and let a good man die?
- On Christmas Eve?
- A good man?
He sounds like a drunkard,
a gambler, and a thief,
who owes money all over town.
That makes him no less a good man.
Some of us are plagued by demons, sir.
There's not much to do about it.
Don't worry, Kristy. We're here.
Thank you, Frank.
Now you two go back to your cozy homes
and a Merry Christmas
to the both of youse.
Well, what do you think?
If these Murphys and this Mr. McBride
are as dangerous as they all say,
they're going to need our help.
You really don't want to go to
the Brackenreids' party, do you?
Just protecting and serving, sir.
Yeah.
For many, acting is
not as easy as it looks.
Myself, it seems, ah,
it's just in my blood.
I hardly have to give any thought
to bringing life into my performances.
I just empty my head
of all thoughts and do.
Hm. That must be a struggle for you.
It is. It is! Thank you.
I have so many thoughts rattling
around in this brain of mine.
I thought I heard something
when you shook your head.
- I thought it was marbles.
- (CHUCKLING)
Did that Cal Whitman fellow
really try and kill you?
Oh, he did. He did. But, in truth,
who could blame him? He was
consumed with jealousy and envy,
aware that his talents really
couldn't compete with
Oh, Henry, where's my drink?
Oh! Right away, Ruthie Poo.
No, no, no. Not in
public. Not in public.
Uh, but, yes. Oh!
Cal Whitman is a bounder,
and a cad, and a phony.
He must have fit in
well in your business.
Oh, Bea!
You seem troubled, sir.
One of Margaret's sisters
stole my flask. I'm sure of it.
Which one?
Well, they all have their reasons.
Beatrice is a teetotal,
so she doesn't like me drinking.
Camilla hates the police
and me in particular,
so she would do it just to spite me.
- And Amanda, sir?
- Ooh, Amanda. Huh.
She would do it just to tease me.
She has the hots for me, always has.
(CHUCKLING) The hots for you, sir?
Yes. Is that strange to contemplate?
Well, I mean, it's
No, sir, it's not strange at all.
Just see what you can find out, Higgins.
Good tidings we bring ♪
To you and your kin ♪
We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
I need to step inside for a moment.
You buying me and the lads
a drink for our assistance?
Ah, no.
Never hurts to try, does it, Chief?
I suppose not.
So, what's a fellow like you
doing working on Christmas Eve?
Well, Christmas is for everyone, sir.
Even the lost souls.
I keep my place open on the eve
for their comfort and camaraderie.
My family understands
that I'll be there for them
on Christmas Day.
That's very generous of you.
Oh, can be a lonely time,
Christmas, for some, sir.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- Miss Hart.
- Detective!
Well, I must say this is a surprise.
Wha-what are you doing
here on Christmas Eve?
I'm looking for an
Irish man named Shane.
Oh. The man with the rotten
mouth and the powerful thirst?
That sounds like him.
Well, I haven't seen him in months,
not since I banned him.
LET ME GUESS: He owes you money?
Indeed. I've also caught him
here after hours more than once.
He's a colourful character,
always hoping he could
pay his bill with stories.
What did he do?
I have no idea, but some very
dangerous people are after him.
And you're trying to save him.
That's a noble pursuit on Christmas Eve.
Hm.
Could I offer you a drink?
It's quite lively in here tonight.
Thank you, but it is lively
enough for me out there.
- (ROARING)
- (RUTH): Oh! A lion?
(MARGARET): No. Oh.
- Oh!
- Oh, oh! The Chief Constable.
You're trying to be the Chief Constable.
No, she's bloody not.
Ooh! Hello. Aren't you the saucy one.
- (CHUCKLING) Excuse me. I'm sorry.
- No, no need for apologies.
I know you've been eyeing
me up since you got here.
Don't think I haven't noticed.
Oh, the wind! The wind!
You're trying to be the wind!
- No.
- I will confess,
I've always been attracted
to a man in uniform.
Well, I'm not in uniform.
In or out, doesn't matter much to me.
(CHUCKLING)
Well, I think I've
had just about enough.
I'm leaving. No need
for you to come along.
- But Ruth! Higgins, please!
- Ruth!
Don't, don't, don't touch me. Two-timer.
- I didn't do anything.
- Well, it certainly didn't look like that.
She made a play for me.
You?
I think she's a sex maniac.
The Chief Constable told me as much.
- She even made a pass at him.
- Him?
Well, that's what I thought,
but I think it's true.
But you're mine?
Forever and ever, love dove.
And you don't have
eyes for anybody else?
I would rather be blind if I
couldn't look at you every morning.
Oh
I have a new game.
- Oh!
- Who wants to play?
Joy to the world ♪
The Lord is come ♪
Let Earth receive her King ♪
Let every heart ♪
Prepare Him room ♪
And heaven and nature sing ♪
And heaven and nature sing ♪
And heaven and heaven ♪
And nature sing ♪
Bravo! (APPLAUSE)
- (CHUCKLING) That was lovely.
- Oh, thank you.
And if you need a place to celebrate
Christmas, we can offer shelter.
Wow. Thanks, Chief,
but we got, uh, plenty
of places to celebrate.
Right. You know where else he could be?
Well, if we haven't found him by now,
he's long gone.
Sorry, Kristy, but
I'm sure he'll fare well.
When has he not?
I suppose.
Well, that's that, then.
Thanks for your help, coppers.
You done right by us. It's appreciated.
So come fill up your glasses ♪
- That's Shane.
- Of brandy and wine ♪
Whatever it costs ♪
I will pay ♪
So be easy and free ♪
When you're drinking with me ♪
I'm a man you don't meet every day ♪
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(SCATTERED CLAPPING)
Now that was lovely.
Brings a tear. It does.
So what now?
Get outta here.
The debt's paid, is it?
Far from that.
But the Lord's mercy's
with you on this holy night.
Now skedaddle.
You know I'm good for it.
Well, you'd best be! Or
we'll fetch you again.
Well, seems we've done
our good deed for the year.
Ma'd be proud.
Would she now?
Huh?
Where is he?
Who?
Don't be playing daft with me, boy.
I heard him caterwauling a mile away.
It's almost Christmas Day,
the eve of the birth
of our Lord and Saviour.
Aye.
We opted for mercy.
Oh.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Not a wise move.
Who did this to you?
Someone a bit more skilled
in the art of fisticuffs than ourselves.
You were messing with McBride?
More like he was messing with us.
Seems we're not the only
ones Shane's in debt to.
- Did he take Shane?
- No.
Shane scarpered before
McBride showed up.
- Where?
- Down McCaul.
Did you tell this McBride
fellow where he went?
We did not. We sent McBride
off in the wrong direction.
Oh.
Do you two require medical assistance?
Why?
Ain't nothing ailing us.
Well, this could go on all night.
Hm.
You think he's safe and sound, then?
He appears to have
avoided trouble so far.
Thank you, gentlemen, for your help,
but I think we've gone
as far as we can go.
Ah, he's probably long gone.
You all have some place to
spend Christmas, I take it?
Oh, the city's our home.
That's good enough for us.
But thanks for helping
us out with Shane.
Merry Christmas, sirs.
(SOFT UNSETTLING MUSIC)
All right, the coppers are gone.
Where did Shane get off to?
Don't know about that,
but I know where he was heading
when we caught up with him.
(EXHALES)
Some assistance would be appreciated.
I didn't think you
invited us here to work.
Oh! Well, I-I'll help, Mrs. Brackenreid.
Oh, no, you mustn't.
You're the guest of honour!
Oh, no. I'd be delighted.
Henry, go get some apples.
You you do have apples, don't you?
- Oh! Indeed, we do.
- Henry, those apples, now.
Just this way.
The rest of us should choose a partner.
- I choose Henry.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Sorry, you can't. Henry
is allergic to water.
- Allergic to water?
- Mm.
Oh, how does he bathe?
- Infrequently, unfortunately.
- Oh.
But I'll be your partner.
Given the size of your mouth,
I'm sure you'll have no
trouble snagging an apple.
And I mean that in the nicest
way possible, of course.
For some, a-a big mouth
is a sign of beauty.
This is bollocks!
You don't want to play, sir?
Margaret's Christmas
present has gone missing.
You keep an eye on this lot.
- I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
- Sir.
- Mr. Higgins
- Oh, it's, ah, Higgins-Newsome.
- Oh! Of course.
- Hm.
I'm sorry to hear about your affliction.
It must be terrible.
- My what?
- Oh, no. Henry doesn't like
to talk about it. Do you, dear?
- Uh, quite right.
- Mm.
Well, I think we'll begin
with Beatrice and Margaret.
Oh!
(BOTH): Wonderful.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Whoo! Ah!
(JAZZY MUSIC)
(CROWD CHEERING)
- Hey, do you mind?
- Oh, ooh.
Not at all. Be my guest.
- Not at all.
- I'm so glad you came.
I know this isn't a normal
Christmas celebration.
No, no. It's better.
Well, you know, Violet
isn't fond of many people,
- but she does like you.
- And I like her as well.
Yeah, but you have to admit,
the woman is a mystery.
Which makes her all
the more interesting.
I agree. I agree.
She's also a mystery
I, uh, intend to solve.
Mm. Good luck.
With, uh
- This.
- Oh!
(CHOKING)
I intend to marry her.
Uh, well, she could do much worse. Ha.
Do you think she'll say yes?
Not something I can answer.
Like you say, she is a mystery.
Oh, well
I suppose there's only
one way to find out.
Uh-huh.
(UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC)
(DISTANT CHATTER)
What do you think you're doing?
Are you thieving?
Quite the opposite.
I'm actually looking for a thief.
You coppers are all alike,
suspicious of anyone
that isn't your own kind.
Look in my valise if you want.
One of you lot stole my
wife's Christmas present.
You think one of her
loving sisters stole it?
(HUFFS)
You know, I feel sorry for Margaret.
Living with you must be a trial.
- (AMANDA SCREAMING)
- Who's squealing now, piggy?
Oh, that's it! You can
do it! Just try harder.
(GASPING)
You trying to kill me?
I am not! I am just
trying to help us win.
No, you're not. You're a lunatic.
You were trying to drown me.
Maybe that's what you get for
putting hands on my Henny Penny!
Your what?
There is no need for such filth.
Please, ladies, we're just
trying to have a nice Christmas!
A nice Christmas?
That's a rich one.
Your husband is a thief.
- What?
- A thief?
He was going through our
belongings in the bedroom.
Thomas!
Well, if you wanted to
see my unmentionables,
- you just had to ask.
- I do not want to look at your
(SIGHS) Margaret,
one of your sisters stole
your Christmas present.
That's an outrageous accusation!
One of you lot stole my silver flask
and the necklace that
I got for Margaret.
Oh, you got me that necklace.
Oh, I wouldn't be surprised
if you didn't lose them both
in one of your drunken stupors.
I don't know what you
ever saw in that man!
Well, I do.
But if you want proof
that I didn't take it,
I'd be happy to have you search me.
Oh, be quiet, Amanda!
Margaret, when you were kids,
you said that Beatrice
always was sticky-fingered.
Ah! You told him that? How could you?
- No
- The doctor said
that it was just a condition!
(GASPING) Ah, y-y-you're awful!
(CRYING)
Excuse me, excuse me!
We really should finish the game.
It's not Christmas
until we finish the game.
(BEATRICE CRYING)
It's not Christmas.
Get out.
Camilla, Beatrice, Amanda, get out!
- Margaret!
- Get out!
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
Henry Higgins! Out!
- Where's my coat?
- All of you! Out!
Out of my house! Not you, Thomas!
- Merry Christmas, sir.
- Merry Christmas, Higgins.
(BREATHING HEAVILY) My Christmas!
La-la-la-la ♪
La-la-la-la ♪
Thank you, both.
Every holiday, some families
gotta make an impossible choice,
celebrate or put food on the table.
You do good work on
this and every night.
Well, it's far too late to
head to the Brackenreid's now,
- wouldn't you say?
- Far too late.
(SIGHS)
What do you say, Murdoch?
A drink with the boss on Christmas Eve?
I could certainly do worse.
(CHUCKLING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I heard the trumpet player left.
- I wanted to thank him
- Oh!
- for the wine.
- You thought it was Leonard.
Is that his name?
- Indeed.
- Mm-hm.
Don't worry. This is going to be fun.
Oh.
Henry
Ah, ladies and gentlemen,
allow me to introduce
star of the silver screen,
Ruth Newsome!
(FAINT CHATTER)
Well, isn't this nice?
Um, nice, dear?
Yes, they've, they've
decided to respect my privacy.
- Oh.
- Huh.
Did you enjoy the wine?
Oh!
Very much so.
Surprised to see me?
Ah, uh
Mm pleased is more like it.
I thought you were
attending to your studies.
I came back to Toronto for the holidays.
Oh. Well,
I'm happy to see you and the,
the wine was, was delicious.
Well, I just happen
to have another bottle.
I just need a place to drink it.
It's quite noisy here.
- And crowded.
- Much, much too crowded.
- I'll grab my coat.
- Uh-huh.
(JAZZY MUSIC)
Be good lads and don't tell a soul.
I just need a place to rest.
- We won't if you don't.
- Deal.
I know another way.
Margaret.
Don't, Thomas.
Just don't.
No children, no visitors.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
- Doesn't need to be.
- Well, it is.
It hasn't even started yet.
Thomas, just
Wha? (LAUGHING)
What are you doing?
Let's go dancing.
(SCOFFS) Now? On Christmas Eve.
Miss Hart is holding a
soirée at the Starbright Club.
I think that you should go
and put on your dancing shoes.
You don't even like dancing.
No. But I know you do.
Well, I'll need a moment.
'Course.
(SIGHS)
Now I remember why
- I don't spend time with my sisters.
- Aye.
Oh! (LAUGHING)
Spruce beer? You don't drink, Detective?
- Only on the rarest of occasions.
- Hm.
Violet, uh, could I have a moment?
Isaiah, I thought we agreed no presents.
Well, this isn't exactly a present.
- Violet Hart
- (STOMPING)
Nobody moves.
Show yourself, Shane.
Or your life is going to forever change.
(GRUNTING)
- Let me go!
- Shut your gob.
You. Sit down.
Toronto Constabulary.
Put down the weapon.
I don't want any trouble.
A curious way of showing that.
I'm simply here to see a
debt is properly settled.
I want to see Shane McCowan.
Well, Shane most certainly is not here.
You're the only boozer
in town still open.
I'd hardly call my club a boozer.
Let the young lady go, and
there'll be no further trouble.
There'll be no further trouble
if you deliver me McCowan.
And I will. Let the woman go,
I'll find Shane McCowan and
see that your debt is repaid.
My truck is with Shane.
I don't need any coppers involved,
and I surely don't need your help.
Show yourself, Shane!
Or I swear, this
Christmas'll be your last.
What are you lot doing?
It's Christmas Eve.
Give us a song.
(JAZZY MUSIC RESUMES)
What do we do, sirs?
We could rush him.
There's no way he could get all of us.
Sir, the Detective and I
both have children at home.
Wouldn't be much of a Christmas
if their fathers were to perish.
- Detective?
- I have to agree with Henry.
Thank you, sir.
Regardless of what we do, one
of us is liable to get shot.
(GUNSHOT)
- (SCREAMING)
- That's enough of the music!
Now Shane,
I got Kristy here,
so get on out so these good people
can enjoy their Christmas.
Say something, uh?
(KRISTY): Shane. If you're here
- Run!
- Not that!
We have no choice. We're
going to have to rush him.
- You're right.
- Shane!
Get out here and face the music
or I'm taking Miss Kristy here with me,
and you won't be seeing her again.
I'll go for the gun.
You go low, you go high. Ready?
You leave her be, McBride!
Ah, I thought that
would get your attention.
- My money.
- I don't have it.
But I can pay with my
life if you let her go.
- No. Run, Shane.
- I will not!
Well, if McBride shoots me,
the coppers will surely get him,
then you won't have to
worry about him any longer!
No. I won't leave. Kristy.
I loves ya.
I bless the day I found you.
I got no life without ya.
You're the measure of my dreams.
Shane.
- Mrs. Brackenreid.
- Oh.
(CHUCKLING)
Can't hear any music.
Not much of a soirée. I
suppose we've missed it?
Strange.
Miss Hart assured me that
the party would go 'til dawn.
Look, you stay here with the driver,
and I'll go take a look. Oh, uh
Something to remember me by. (CHUCKLING)
In case I never see
you again. Ha, ha, ha.
Take me, McBride.
I'm ready to go.
Ready to go to the place where
the streams of whisky are flowing.
Where is this place?
I believe he's referring
to his version of Heaven.
Let's go, Shane.
And let these good
people enjoy their party.
Oi, big fella.
- Oh!
- (PEOPLE GASPING)
I'll take that, Mr. McCowan.
- Just being of assistance, sir.
- Hm.
Merry Christmas, sir.
I suppose you lot were
all just waiting for me
to show up and do something.
Oh, Shane.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Terribly sorry for the
interruption, ladies and gentlemen.
But let's not let a little thing
like hostage-taking ruin our evening.
(CHUCKLING)
Gentlemen.
(JAZZY MUSIC RESUMES)
That's a nice necklace.
Oh, this old thing? I,
I've had it for ages.
(LAUGHING)
- Ruth?!
- Ah, we really should leave, Henry.
- It was you?
- I don't know why.
I, I, I saw it and I took it.
Sometimes when I see something
I want I can't help, I just
We really have to leave, Henry.
- Please, please, please, please.
- Oh, Ruth. Hello!
- Ha!
- Quite the soirée
for a Christmas Eve, isn't it Higgins?
- Uh-huh.
- Definitely a step up
from bobbing for bloody apples.
Oh, oh. Right you are, sir.
- Henry, let's go.
- Yes, let's.
Oh! Young love.
- Oh, it's definitely overrated, darling.
- Oh!
(LAUGHING)
Ooh!
Uh, begging your pardon, uh,
ladies and gentlemen, but, uh,
I need a word with our hostess.
She's been so busy making
sure this party is a success
that I haven't had a chance to, uh,
say a word to her, so
I thought this was the only
way to get her attention.
Miss Hart, thank you for
this party and the, uh,
rather unexpected floor show.
(CHUCKLING)
But I am left with a question.
(GASPING)
And I need an answer.
The man's got stones,
I'll give him that.
Oh, indeed he does.
Miss Violet Hart,
on this most auspicious evening
(CHUCKLING)
Will you do me the
honour of being my wife?
Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
Ladies and gentlemen, the bar is open.
(CHEERING)
Yes, that includes you.
(LAUGHING)
Well, that all worked out, didn't it?
Well, yes, sir.
It certainly did.
(SOFT CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Merry Christmas.
I got enough to cover your debts.
Thanks, love.
That was the bravest thing I ever saw.
I'd never let ill come to you, Kristy.
Ah!
Looks like you've gotten
a chance at a fresh start.
Perhaps you should take it.
I surely will, sir. I surely will.
We'll keep our noses clean.
Merry Christmas.
You sure you got enough to cover it all?
More than enough.
So would you say no
to another drink, then?
I thought you'd never ask.
But first!
- Right.
- We have to make this right.
- Higgins, that was quick.
- Ha.
Well, Ruth has something
that she would like to say.
Isn't that right, Ruth?
Somehow these ended up with my things.
Not quite sure how.
- Ended up?
- That's what I said.
Just ended up there.
And Ruth would like to
say she is very sorry,
wouldn't you, Ruth?
I'm
very sorry.
It's just sometimes I
see something that I want
and something just comes over me!
- She's my little magpie.
- Hm.
Well, huh, we'd best be off.
Merry Christmas, Brackenreids.
- Merry Christmas, Higgins.
- Newsome.
Come along, dear.
(SIGHS) It's the exact one.
I see you admiring it every
time we walk past Russell's.
Oh.
I believe I owe your sisters an apology.
(SIGHS) Yes, you do.
If I may,
you people opened your
hearts and your purse to me,
and I can't give you much but a song.
(SOFT MUSIC)
It was Christmas Eve, babe ♪
In the drunk tank ♪
An old man said to me ♪
(CHUCKLING)
Won't see another one ♪
And then he sang a song ♪
The Rare Old Mountain Dew ♪
I turned my face away ♪
And dreamed about you ♪
Got on a lucky one ♪
Came in eighteen to one ♪
I've got a feeling ♪
This year's for me and you ♪
So happy Christmas ♪
I love you baby ♪
I can see a better time ♪
There you go.
- Let me take a look at ya.
- When all our dreams come true ♪
I've brought the mistletoe.
- Merry Christmas.
- (CHUCKLING)
Mm.
Ruth.
Take the long way home, driver.
(HORSE NEIGHING)
(LAUGHING)
You were handsome ♪
You were pretty ♪
Queen of New York City ♪
When the band finished playing ♪
They howled out for more ♪
Caruso was swinging ♪
All the drunks they were singing ♪
We kissed on the corner ♪
Then danced through the night ♪
The boys of the Toronto PD choir ♪
- Were singing Galway Bay ♪
- (LAUGHING)
And the bells were
ringing out for ♪
I miss you, too.
But I'll be seeing you soon.
(THEME MUSIC)
(GENTLE CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
That's all you are, you know.
You're a cheap, lousy maggot!
- Oh, and you're better?
- I surely am.
You'd best watch it.
We get outta here, I'm
going to wring your neck.
(CACKLING)
That's a laugh. You
don't have the strength.
You never did and you never will.
Evening, Officers.
And the blessing of the
season to the pair of you.
Are you two ready to behave yourselves?
Oh, like God's own angels.
Isn't that right, Shane?
Truly 'tis.
Enjoy Christmas.
Very magnanimous of you, sir.
It's Christmas Eve.
What better time for magnanimity?
(KEYS JINGLING)
(UPBEAT CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(BEATRICE): Well, this is dull.
(AMANDA): Shh. She invited us.
Please. They're family.
Go be entertaining!
I've allowed all your
sisters into my home.
That's entertaining enough.
- (SNAPS FINGERS) Go!
- (SIGHS)
Could I get you ladies a drink?
- I don't drink.
- I would love one.
What would you like?
Oh, Thomas, you know
very well what I like.
It just doesn't suit polite company.
(SIGHS)
So, Margaret, where is
this surprise you promised?
We came all the way to this cesspool
of a city on your insistence.
Well, patience, Camilla.
It will be worth the wait.
Psst!
What?
Is this just for Christmas Eve?
- Oh! And Christmas day.
- Ah, bloody hell.
Oh, language! I heard that.
Oh, of course she bloody did.
Heard that, too!
(SIGHS)
(KISSES)
(SIGHS)
So we fill out one of these for each,
in order to keep track.
Can I help you, gentlemen?
- Us?
- Gentlemen? Us.
(LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY)
Oh, that's rich.
What can we do for you?
Heard you were holding a Shane McGowan?
- We're here to post bail.
- Hm.
Oh! That won't be necessary.
We released him and his companion.
- What? When?
- Oh, less than an hour ago.
Thank you.
- A slippery fish.
- Shh.
- They didn't seem happy about that.
- Mm.
Thomas, Amanda, is in charge
of all of the police
officers in Toronto now.
Oh, I couldn't think of a better choice.
A strong powerful man
for a strong powerful job.
Strange.
I thought it was cream that
was supposed to rise to the top.
But I suppose in the police department,
- things are different.
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
(MARGARET LAUGHS
UNCOMFORTABLY) I'll get that!
Well, who else would? It is your home.
- Right you are.
- Mm-hm.
- We're here.
- Oh!
- Stating the bloody obvious as always, Higgins.
- Language.
It is my home.
Yes, that's right, a home.
Not a beer parlour or a gin mill.
- No. Yes!
- Henry, Henry.
Oh, yes, of course.
Sorry. Ah, may I present
the star of the silver screen,
the portrayer of the Amazing Agnes.
I give you all Miss Ruth Newsome.
- Ooh!
- Oh!
Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you.
- Such an admirer.
- Oh, it's all right.
It's all right. I'm a normal person,
just like you. Just a
More glamorous version
of such, I suppose.
- And, uh, so you must be the
- Oh!
- Three
- Yes, yes, three.
Oh! Ooh.
The thr the three
sisters that I have heard
so much about.
- Oh, this is just beautiful.
- Don't touch that.
Isn't she something, sir?
This is going to be a jolly evening.
Ho. Ho. Ho
(THEME MUSIC)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CHUCKLING) Cheers!
You must be missing your family.
- I am.
- Hm.
Well, at least we have
the Brackenreids' party.
Along with all of Mrs.
Brackenreid's family.
(SIGHS)
You know, I never minded
spending Christmas alone.
Right.
- But we were invited.
- Where is he?!
- Pardon?
- Shane.
He deserted me minutes
after you let us go.
- Did he come back here?
- Why would he do that?
Well, I've long since
stopped trying to reckon
what Shane gets up to, but
you have to help me find him.
Perhaps he went off with those two men
- who were just here looking for him.
- What two men?
Two men came in offering
to post his bail.
Did one of them have an eye patch?
- Yes.
- Oh, good lord.
- You know them?
- The Murphys.
Shane's got himself
in trouble with them.
What kind of trouble?
Well, if the Murphys set foot
in a police station, big trouble.
Yeah, you have to help me
find him. Come on, boys.
Perhaps the Brackenreids'
party can wait?
Mm.
Don't get me started on Lillian Gish.
- Ooh!
- She just stole a role that I
I deserve to play.
- Oh.
- And wouldn't you like
- to know how she did that?
- (WOMEN CHUCKLING)
Uh-huh. Oh, oh! And the way
th-th-that Mabel
Norman and Mary Pickford
- fight behind the scenes.
- Oh!
A term that we use in my business,
you would not think they were ladies.
- (CHUCKLING)
- Oh.
- Like wild animals.
- Oh. Hm.
Excuse me.
Margaret. (CHUCKLING)
I thought you promised us a fun party.
So far, all I've heard are stories
about the goings-on of
souls that are on the road
To eternal damnation.
I thought you would like it.
Well, I do. Up to a point,
if only to know that they're
going to get what they deserve.
(CHUCKLING)
Excellent. Um, attention
everyone, please.
Uh, it's time for a parlour game.
Uh, does anyone have a favourite
- Oh, oh! Squeal, piggy, squeal!
- Oh!
I want to play squeal, piggy, squeal.
I would love to play.
As long as the two handsome
gentlemen will join in.
Do you hear that, sir? Handsome.
Don't get excited, Higgins.
That one would take a run at
anyone in a pair of trousers.
And I mean anyone.
(LAUGHING, CHATTERING)
(JAZZY MUSIC)
(MAN): That's on the
house. Merry Christmas.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Do you mind if I join you a moment?
Oh! Be my guest.
You look like a man with
something on his mind.
More like someone.
Mm. Ah, must be nice.
But I had a question for you.
- Question?
- Well, advice actually.
On your feet, lazybones.
(CHUCKLING)
(SOFT MUSIC)
(HUSHED CHATTER)
- Toronto Constabulary.
- Ah, evening gentlemen.
I know my licence isn't yet renewed,
but these folks have nowhere else to go
and they deserve a
little Christmas cheer.
- We don't care about that.
- Oh!
You in for a drink?
- No.
- We're looking for Shane.
Has he been by?
Oh, ah, you can tell 'em.
Shane was by. But I
had to throw him out.
Why?
Well, he was pestering everyone
trying to cadge a free drink.
Well, if you threw him
out every time he did that,
- he'd never be in.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
But this night, I was fed up.
So I threw him out on his arse.
Any idea where he might have gone?
Oh, this time of the night?
- Try Sally McLennane's.
- No, not, not her no.
Don't worry yourself, Kristy.
He's not going there for loving.
Sally's been selling poitín
out the back of her store.
Poitín?
Uh, raw liquor.
Dirt cheap, but Shane's
got a taste for it.
Well, there isn't a liquor made
that Shane doesn't have a taste for.
Come on, I know where she is.
Hey! Shane in any trouble?
No more than normal.
Ah, so, plenty, then.
Hey, coppers.
Best of the season to you.
(BRIGHT CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(LAUGHING)
Where's that little piggy?
- (CHUCKLING) Whoo!
- (SIGHS)
This is so silly!
- Oh!
- Squeal, piggy, squeal.
- Oink, oink, oink.
- Oh!
Well, that is most definitely Thomas.
Remind you of old times?
Me on your lap and you getting fresh.
There were no old times,
and I'm not getting fresh.
Hm. You can believe what you want.
All right, Amanda, that's enough.
Get off my husband's lap. Go! Off.
- I'll go look for the mistletoe.
- Oh! You will not!
You never like to share, Margaret.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Isn't this exciting?
- Oh, it's a barrel of monkeys.
The star of The Adventures of Agnes
in our very home.
That should certainly show my sisters
the circle in which I now travel.
I'm all of aflutter.
- Where's my flask?
- Your what?
My regimental flask.
Sterling silver. I keep it by the bar.
Have you moved it?
- I certainly did not.
- Hm.
Another game. Another game!
- Yes, as long as I get to sit on Thomas' lap.
- You know, sir,
sometimes Ruth just
throws away my things
if she doesn't like them.
Margaret wouldn't do that.
Oh, and Higgins,
you shouldn't let your wife
ride roughshod over you.
Sometimes it's just easier, sir.
I know. I know.
I gave him some.
He practically begged me for it.
I'll see he repays you for it.
Doubt that.
What sort of mess he gets
himself into this time?
He's on the run from the Murphys.
Ah, then he'll be grand. The
Murphys won't do much more
than give Shane a beating and he's
had plenty of those in his time.
There must be something else.
- Ah, damn.
- What is it?
Shane told me he had a sure thing,
18-to-one odds. He placed a bet.
How did the horse do?
Pulled up lame. Never finished the race.
So he owes these Murphys money?
Ah, the Murphys don't touch the ponies.
Then why are these Murphys after him?
He must owe them money
for something else.
- Might he have left the city?
- Shane's no runner.
This dirty old town's
the only place he knows.
You there.
I think it's safe to
say Shane's got himself
into a proper mess this time.
Shortly after you
left, McBride showed up.
Listen up!
Ten dollars for whoever
can bring me Shane McCowan.
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(SHOUTING)
He didn't say anything
about alive or dead,
- but I'll wager the former.
- Is that so?
Doubt he'd deny himself the pleasure.
If McBride's after Shane,
you have to help me find him.
(SIGHS)
We'll do our best.
In for a dime, in for a dollar, I'd say.
I have an idea where to look.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- (JAZZY MUSIC)
- Ah, Llewellyn.
Château Haut-Brion. Oh,
no, Violet, I cannot accept.
- Well, it's not from me.
- Then who?
- A secret admirer, I suppose.
- Oh!
Oh! That's the stuff.
(CHUCKLING) Enjoy it.
And if you're lucky,
enjoy what's to come.
- Ah.
- (HART LAUGHS)
(♪)
Why would he come here?
Shane often ends up down
here when he hits hard times.
Oh, no. Blood.
Don't go any further, Miss.
(SIGHS)
Good Lord.
That's Shane's.
(HIGGINS): A crystal chandelier?
(AMANDA): Um, a, a, a broom?
(CAMILLA): A Christmas ornament?
(BEATRICE): A, a lampshade?
(HIGGINS): A candy cane?
(AMANDA): A, a, a bell. A bell?
- Mm-mm.
- Oh, ooh! A statue? Mm-hm.
A tree?
A different sort of tree?
No, no, no!
Uh, a, a beautiful giraffe?
Oh, Henry, I'm not
trying to be a giraffe.
Don't be silly.
If I was trying to be a
giraffe, I would just do this.
- See?
- Hm.
Are you sure you're not a tree?
- Oh
- So your flask is missing
and you think one of my sisters took it?
- Well, someone did.
- Well, it wasn't my relatives.
- You likely just misplaced it.
- I didn't misplace it!
And mind yourself around Amanda.
- She's told me all about you.
- All about?
There is nothing "all about."
Well, that's not what she said.
Look, I know she's an attractive woman
and she probably
reminds you of me, but
I'm not interested in your sister.
I just want my bloody flask back.
- You're a cactus.
- Yes! Thank you.
- A cactus! It's plain as day.
- Ha, ha. A cactus. How clever, dear.
(AMANDA): And you're telling
me that's not some sort of tree?
It is not a tree. It is a succulent.
- A what?
- Thank you!
I don't know what that is. Do you?
Shane lost his cross.
It doesn't mean anything.
Well, the pool of blood
is somewhat concerning.
Was he wearing it
when you were arrested?
Ah, I can't remember. Look,
truth be told, both Shane and I
had a thirst like the devil today.
But I, I think he had it on.
Where else might he have gone?
Well, this was my best guess.
(SIGHS) Well,
I'm afraid there's not
much more we can do for you.
So you're going to abandon
me and let a good man die?
- On Christmas Eve?
- A good man?
He sounds like a drunkard,
a gambler, and a thief,
who owes money all over town.
That makes him no less a good man.
Some of us are plagued by demons, sir.
There's not much to do about it.
Don't worry, Kristy. We're here.
Thank you, Frank.
Now you two go back to your cozy homes
and a Merry Christmas
to the both of youse.
Well, what do you think?
If these Murphys and this Mr. McBride
are as dangerous as they all say,
they're going to need our help.
You really don't want to go to
the Brackenreids' party, do you?
Just protecting and serving, sir.
Yeah.
For many, acting is
not as easy as it looks.
Myself, it seems, ah,
it's just in my blood.
I hardly have to give any thought
to bringing life into my performances.
I just empty my head
of all thoughts and do.
Hm. That must be a struggle for you.
It is. It is! Thank you.
I have so many thoughts rattling
around in this brain of mine.
I thought I heard something
when you shook your head.
- I thought it was marbles.
- (CHUCKLING)
Did that Cal Whitman fellow
really try and kill you?
Oh, he did. He did. But, in truth,
who could blame him? He was
consumed with jealousy and envy,
aware that his talents really
couldn't compete with
Oh, Henry, where's my drink?
Oh! Right away, Ruthie Poo.
No, no, no. Not in
public. Not in public.
Uh, but, yes. Oh!
Cal Whitman is a bounder,
and a cad, and a phony.
He must have fit in
well in your business.
Oh, Bea!
You seem troubled, sir.
One of Margaret's sisters
stole my flask. I'm sure of it.
Which one?
Well, they all have their reasons.
Beatrice is a teetotal,
so she doesn't like me drinking.
Camilla hates the police
and me in particular,
so she would do it just to spite me.
- And Amanda, sir?
- Ooh, Amanda. Huh.
She would do it just to tease me.
She has the hots for me, always has.
(CHUCKLING) The hots for you, sir?
Yes. Is that strange to contemplate?
Well, I mean, it's
No, sir, it's not strange at all.
Just see what you can find out, Higgins.
Good tidings we bring ♪
To you and your kin ♪
We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
I need to step inside for a moment.
You buying me and the lads
a drink for our assistance?
Ah, no.
Never hurts to try, does it, Chief?
I suppose not.
So, what's a fellow like you
doing working on Christmas Eve?
Well, Christmas is for everyone, sir.
Even the lost souls.
I keep my place open on the eve
for their comfort and camaraderie.
My family understands
that I'll be there for them
on Christmas Day.
That's very generous of you.
Oh, can be a lonely time,
Christmas, for some, sir.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- Miss Hart.
- Detective!
Well, I must say this is a surprise.
Wha-what are you doing
here on Christmas Eve?
I'm looking for an
Irish man named Shane.
Oh. The man with the rotten
mouth and the powerful thirst?
That sounds like him.
Well, I haven't seen him in months,
not since I banned him.
LET ME GUESS: He owes you money?
Indeed. I've also caught him
here after hours more than once.
He's a colourful character,
always hoping he could
pay his bill with stories.
What did he do?
I have no idea, but some very
dangerous people are after him.
And you're trying to save him.
That's a noble pursuit on Christmas Eve.
Hm.
Could I offer you a drink?
It's quite lively in here tonight.
Thank you, but it is lively
enough for me out there.
- (ROARING)
- (RUTH): Oh! A lion?
(MARGARET): No. Oh.
- Oh!
- Oh, oh! The Chief Constable.
You're trying to be the Chief Constable.
No, she's bloody not.
Ooh! Hello. Aren't you the saucy one.
- (CHUCKLING) Excuse me. I'm sorry.
- No, no need for apologies.
I know you've been eyeing
me up since you got here.
Don't think I haven't noticed.
Oh, the wind! The wind!
You're trying to be the wind!
- No.
- I will confess,
I've always been attracted
to a man in uniform.
Well, I'm not in uniform.
In or out, doesn't matter much to me.
(CHUCKLING)
Well, I think I've
had just about enough.
I'm leaving. No need
for you to come along.
- But Ruth! Higgins, please!
- Ruth!
Don't, don't, don't touch me. Two-timer.
- I didn't do anything.
- Well, it certainly didn't look like that.
She made a play for me.
You?
I think she's a sex maniac.
The Chief Constable told me as much.
- She even made a pass at him.
- Him?
Well, that's what I thought,
but I think it's true.
But you're mine?
Forever and ever, love dove.
And you don't have
eyes for anybody else?
I would rather be blind if I
couldn't look at you every morning.
Oh
I have a new game.
- Oh!
- Who wants to play?
Joy to the world ♪
The Lord is come ♪
Let Earth receive her King ♪
Let every heart ♪
Prepare Him room ♪
And heaven and nature sing ♪
And heaven and nature sing ♪
And heaven and heaven ♪
And nature sing ♪
Bravo! (APPLAUSE)
- (CHUCKLING) That was lovely.
- Oh, thank you.
And if you need a place to celebrate
Christmas, we can offer shelter.
Wow. Thanks, Chief,
but we got, uh, plenty
of places to celebrate.
Right. You know where else he could be?
Well, if we haven't found him by now,
he's long gone.
Sorry, Kristy, but
I'm sure he'll fare well.
When has he not?
I suppose.
Well, that's that, then.
Thanks for your help, coppers.
You done right by us. It's appreciated.
So come fill up your glasses ♪
- That's Shane.
- Of brandy and wine ♪
Whatever it costs ♪
I will pay ♪
So be easy and free ♪
When you're drinking with me ♪
I'm a man you don't meet every day ♪
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(SCATTERED CLAPPING)
Now that was lovely.
Brings a tear. It does.
So what now?
Get outta here.
The debt's paid, is it?
Far from that.
But the Lord's mercy's
with you on this holy night.
Now skedaddle.
You know I'm good for it.
Well, you'd best be! Or
we'll fetch you again.
Well, seems we've done
our good deed for the year.
Ma'd be proud.
Would she now?
Huh?
Where is he?
Who?
Don't be playing daft with me, boy.
I heard him caterwauling a mile away.
It's almost Christmas Day,
the eve of the birth
of our Lord and Saviour.
Aye.
We opted for mercy.
Oh.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Not a wise move.
Who did this to you?
Someone a bit more skilled
in the art of fisticuffs than ourselves.
You were messing with McBride?
More like he was messing with us.
Seems we're not the only
ones Shane's in debt to.
- Did he take Shane?
- No.
Shane scarpered before
McBride showed up.
- Where?
- Down McCaul.
Did you tell this McBride
fellow where he went?
We did not. We sent McBride
off in the wrong direction.
Oh.
Do you two require medical assistance?
Why?
Ain't nothing ailing us.
Well, this could go on all night.
Hm.
You think he's safe and sound, then?
He appears to have
avoided trouble so far.
Thank you, gentlemen, for your help,
but I think we've gone
as far as we can go.
Ah, he's probably long gone.
You all have some place to
spend Christmas, I take it?
Oh, the city's our home.
That's good enough for us.
But thanks for helping
us out with Shane.
Merry Christmas, sirs.
(SOFT UNSETTLING MUSIC)
All right, the coppers are gone.
Where did Shane get off to?
Don't know about that,
but I know where he was heading
when we caught up with him.
(EXHALES)
Some assistance would be appreciated.
I didn't think you
invited us here to work.
Oh! Well, I-I'll help, Mrs. Brackenreid.
Oh, no, you mustn't.
You're the guest of honour!
Oh, no. I'd be delighted.
Henry, go get some apples.
You you do have apples, don't you?
- Oh! Indeed, we do.
- Henry, those apples, now.
Just this way.
The rest of us should choose a partner.
- I choose Henry.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Sorry, you can't. Henry
is allergic to water.
- Allergic to water?
- Mm.
Oh, how does he bathe?
- Infrequently, unfortunately.
- Oh.
But I'll be your partner.
Given the size of your mouth,
I'm sure you'll have no
trouble snagging an apple.
And I mean that in the nicest
way possible, of course.
For some, a-a big mouth
is a sign of beauty.
This is bollocks!
You don't want to play, sir?
Margaret's Christmas
present has gone missing.
You keep an eye on this lot.
- I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
- Sir.
- Mr. Higgins
- Oh, it's, ah, Higgins-Newsome.
- Oh! Of course.
- Hm.
I'm sorry to hear about your affliction.
It must be terrible.
- My what?
- Oh, no. Henry doesn't like
to talk about it. Do you, dear?
- Uh, quite right.
- Mm.
Well, I think we'll begin
with Beatrice and Margaret.
Oh!
(BOTH): Wonderful.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Whoo! Ah!
(JAZZY MUSIC)
(CROWD CHEERING)
- Hey, do you mind?
- Oh, ooh.
Not at all. Be my guest.
- Not at all.
- I'm so glad you came.
I know this isn't a normal
Christmas celebration.
No, no. It's better.
Well, you know, Violet
isn't fond of many people,
- but she does like you.
- And I like her as well.
Yeah, but you have to admit,
the woman is a mystery.
Which makes her all
the more interesting.
I agree. I agree.
She's also a mystery
I, uh, intend to solve.
Mm. Good luck.
With, uh
- This.
- Oh!
(CHOKING)
I intend to marry her.
Uh, well, she could do much worse. Ha.
Do you think she'll say yes?
Not something I can answer.
Like you say, she is a mystery.
Oh, well
I suppose there's only
one way to find out.
Uh-huh.
(UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC)
(DISTANT CHATTER)
What do you think you're doing?
Are you thieving?
Quite the opposite.
I'm actually looking for a thief.
You coppers are all alike,
suspicious of anyone
that isn't your own kind.
Look in my valise if you want.
One of you lot stole my
wife's Christmas present.
You think one of her
loving sisters stole it?
(HUFFS)
You know, I feel sorry for Margaret.
Living with you must be a trial.
- (AMANDA SCREAMING)
- Who's squealing now, piggy?
Oh, that's it! You can
do it! Just try harder.
(GASPING)
You trying to kill me?
I am not! I am just
trying to help us win.
No, you're not. You're a lunatic.
You were trying to drown me.
Maybe that's what you get for
putting hands on my Henny Penny!
Your what?
There is no need for such filth.
Please, ladies, we're just
trying to have a nice Christmas!
A nice Christmas?
That's a rich one.
Your husband is a thief.
- What?
- A thief?
He was going through our
belongings in the bedroom.
Thomas!
Well, if you wanted to
see my unmentionables,
- you just had to ask.
- I do not want to look at your
(SIGHS) Margaret,
one of your sisters stole
your Christmas present.
That's an outrageous accusation!
One of you lot stole my silver flask
and the necklace that
I got for Margaret.
Oh, you got me that necklace.
Oh, I wouldn't be surprised
if you didn't lose them both
in one of your drunken stupors.
I don't know what you
ever saw in that man!
Well, I do.
But if you want proof
that I didn't take it,
I'd be happy to have you search me.
Oh, be quiet, Amanda!
Margaret, when you were kids,
you said that Beatrice
always was sticky-fingered.
Ah! You told him that? How could you?
- No
- The doctor said
that it was just a condition!
(GASPING) Ah, y-y-you're awful!
(CRYING)
Excuse me, excuse me!
We really should finish the game.
It's not Christmas
until we finish the game.
(BEATRICE CRYING)
It's not Christmas.
Get out.
Camilla, Beatrice, Amanda, get out!
- Margaret!
- Get out!
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
Henry Higgins! Out!
- Where's my coat?
- All of you! Out!
Out of my house! Not you, Thomas!
- Merry Christmas, sir.
- Merry Christmas, Higgins.
(BREATHING HEAVILY) My Christmas!
La-la-la-la ♪
La-la-la-la ♪
Thank you, both.
Every holiday, some families
gotta make an impossible choice,
celebrate or put food on the table.
You do good work on
this and every night.
Well, it's far too late to
head to the Brackenreid's now,
- wouldn't you say?
- Far too late.
(SIGHS)
What do you say, Murdoch?
A drink with the boss on Christmas Eve?
I could certainly do worse.
(CHUCKLING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I heard the trumpet player left.
- I wanted to thank him
- Oh!
- for the wine.
- You thought it was Leonard.
Is that his name?
- Indeed.
- Mm-hm.
Don't worry. This is going to be fun.
Oh.
Henry
Ah, ladies and gentlemen,
allow me to introduce
star of the silver screen,
Ruth Newsome!
(FAINT CHATTER)
Well, isn't this nice?
Um, nice, dear?
Yes, they've, they've
decided to respect my privacy.
- Oh.
- Huh.
Did you enjoy the wine?
Oh!
Very much so.
Surprised to see me?
Ah, uh
Mm pleased is more like it.
I thought you were
attending to your studies.
I came back to Toronto for the holidays.
Oh. Well,
I'm happy to see you and the,
the wine was, was delicious.
Well, I just happen
to have another bottle.
I just need a place to drink it.
It's quite noisy here.
- And crowded.
- Much, much too crowded.
- I'll grab my coat.
- Uh-huh.
(JAZZY MUSIC)
Be good lads and don't tell a soul.
I just need a place to rest.
- We won't if you don't.
- Deal.
I know another way.
Margaret.
Don't, Thomas.
Just don't.
No children, no visitors.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
- Doesn't need to be.
- Well, it is.
It hasn't even started yet.
Thomas, just
Wha? (LAUGHING)
What are you doing?
Let's go dancing.
(SCOFFS) Now? On Christmas Eve.
Miss Hart is holding a
soirée at the Starbright Club.
I think that you should go
and put on your dancing shoes.
You don't even like dancing.
No. But I know you do.
Well, I'll need a moment.
'Course.
(SIGHS)
Now I remember why
- I don't spend time with my sisters.
- Aye.
Oh! (LAUGHING)
Spruce beer? You don't drink, Detective?
- Only on the rarest of occasions.
- Hm.
Violet, uh, could I have a moment?
Isaiah, I thought we agreed no presents.
Well, this isn't exactly a present.
- Violet Hart
- (STOMPING)
Nobody moves.
Show yourself, Shane.
Or your life is going to forever change.
(GRUNTING)
- Let me go!
- Shut your gob.
You. Sit down.
Toronto Constabulary.
Put down the weapon.
I don't want any trouble.
A curious way of showing that.
I'm simply here to see a
debt is properly settled.
I want to see Shane McCowan.
Well, Shane most certainly is not here.
You're the only boozer
in town still open.
I'd hardly call my club a boozer.
Let the young lady go, and
there'll be no further trouble.
There'll be no further trouble
if you deliver me McCowan.
And I will. Let the woman go,
I'll find Shane McCowan and
see that your debt is repaid.
My truck is with Shane.
I don't need any coppers involved,
and I surely don't need your help.
Show yourself, Shane!
Or I swear, this
Christmas'll be your last.
What are you lot doing?
It's Christmas Eve.
Give us a song.
(JAZZY MUSIC RESUMES)
What do we do, sirs?
We could rush him.
There's no way he could get all of us.
Sir, the Detective and I
both have children at home.
Wouldn't be much of a Christmas
if their fathers were to perish.
- Detective?
- I have to agree with Henry.
Thank you, sir.
Regardless of what we do, one
of us is liable to get shot.
(GUNSHOT)
- (SCREAMING)
- That's enough of the music!
Now Shane,
I got Kristy here,
so get on out so these good people
can enjoy their Christmas.
Say something, uh?
(KRISTY): Shane. If you're here
- Run!
- Not that!
We have no choice. We're
going to have to rush him.
- You're right.
- Shane!
Get out here and face the music
or I'm taking Miss Kristy here with me,
and you won't be seeing her again.
I'll go for the gun.
You go low, you go high. Ready?
You leave her be, McBride!
Ah, I thought that
would get your attention.
- My money.
- I don't have it.
But I can pay with my
life if you let her go.
- No. Run, Shane.
- I will not!
Well, if McBride shoots me,
the coppers will surely get him,
then you won't have to
worry about him any longer!
No. I won't leave. Kristy.
I loves ya.
I bless the day I found you.
I got no life without ya.
You're the measure of my dreams.
Shane.
- Mrs. Brackenreid.
- Oh.
(CHUCKLING)
Can't hear any music.
Not much of a soirée. I
suppose we've missed it?
Strange.
Miss Hart assured me that
the party would go 'til dawn.
Look, you stay here with the driver,
and I'll go take a look. Oh, uh
Something to remember me by. (CHUCKLING)
In case I never see
you again. Ha, ha, ha.
Take me, McBride.
I'm ready to go.
Ready to go to the place where
the streams of whisky are flowing.
Where is this place?
I believe he's referring
to his version of Heaven.
Let's go, Shane.
And let these good
people enjoy their party.
Oi, big fella.
- Oh!
- (PEOPLE GASPING)
I'll take that, Mr. McCowan.
- Just being of assistance, sir.
- Hm.
Merry Christmas, sir.
I suppose you lot were
all just waiting for me
to show up and do something.
Oh, Shane.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Terribly sorry for the
interruption, ladies and gentlemen.
But let's not let a little thing
like hostage-taking ruin our evening.
(CHUCKLING)
Gentlemen.
(JAZZY MUSIC RESUMES)
That's a nice necklace.
Oh, this old thing? I,
I've had it for ages.
(LAUGHING)
- Ruth?!
- Ah, we really should leave, Henry.
- It was you?
- I don't know why.
I, I, I saw it and I took it.
Sometimes when I see something
I want I can't help, I just
We really have to leave, Henry.
- Please, please, please, please.
- Oh, Ruth. Hello!
- Ha!
- Quite the soirée
for a Christmas Eve, isn't it Higgins?
- Uh-huh.
- Definitely a step up
from bobbing for bloody apples.
Oh, oh. Right you are, sir.
- Henry, let's go.
- Yes, let's.
Oh! Young love.
- Oh, it's definitely overrated, darling.
- Oh!
(LAUGHING)
Ooh!
Uh, begging your pardon, uh,
ladies and gentlemen, but, uh,
I need a word with our hostess.
She's been so busy making
sure this party is a success
that I haven't had a chance to, uh,
say a word to her, so
I thought this was the only
way to get her attention.
Miss Hart, thank you for
this party and the, uh,
rather unexpected floor show.
(CHUCKLING)
But I am left with a question.
(GASPING)
And I need an answer.
The man's got stones,
I'll give him that.
Oh, indeed he does.
Miss Violet Hart,
on this most auspicious evening
(CHUCKLING)
Will you do me the
honour of being my wife?
Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
Ladies and gentlemen, the bar is open.
(CHEERING)
Yes, that includes you.
(LAUGHING)
Well, that all worked out, didn't it?
Well, yes, sir.
It certainly did.
(SOFT CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Merry Christmas.
I got enough to cover your debts.
Thanks, love.
That was the bravest thing I ever saw.
I'd never let ill come to you, Kristy.
Ah!
Looks like you've gotten
a chance at a fresh start.
Perhaps you should take it.
I surely will, sir. I surely will.
We'll keep our noses clean.
Merry Christmas.
You sure you got enough to cover it all?
More than enough.
So would you say no
to another drink, then?
I thought you'd never ask.
But first!
- Right.
- We have to make this right.
- Higgins, that was quick.
- Ha.
Well, Ruth has something
that she would like to say.
Isn't that right, Ruth?
Somehow these ended up with my things.
Not quite sure how.
- Ended up?
- That's what I said.
Just ended up there.
And Ruth would like to
say she is very sorry,
wouldn't you, Ruth?
I'm
very sorry.
It's just sometimes I
see something that I want
and something just comes over me!
- She's my little magpie.
- Hm.
Well, huh, we'd best be off.
Merry Christmas, Brackenreids.
- Merry Christmas, Higgins.
- Newsome.
Come along, dear.
(SIGHS) It's the exact one.
I see you admiring it every
time we walk past Russell's.
Oh.
I believe I owe your sisters an apology.
(SIGHS) Yes, you do.
If I may,
you people opened your
hearts and your purse to me,
and I can't give you much but a song.
(SOFT MUSIC)
It was Christmas Eve, babe ♪
In the drunk tank ♪
An old man said to me ♪
(CHUCKLING)
Won't see another one ♪
And then he sang a song ♪
The Rare Old Mountain Dew ♪
I turned my face away ♪
And dreamed about you ♪
Got on a lucky one ♪
Came in eighteen to one ♪
I've got a feeling ♪
This year's for me and you ♪
So happy Christmas ♪
I love you baby ♪
I can see a better time ♪
There you go.
- Let me take a look at ya.
- When all our dreams come true ♪
I've brought the mistletoe.
- Merry Christmas.
- (CHUCKLING)
Mm.
Ruth.
Take the long way home, driver.
(HORSE NEIGHING)
(LAUGHING)
You were handsome ♪
You were pretty ♪
Queen of New York City ♪
When the band finished playing ♪
They howled out for more ♪
Caruso was swinging ♪
All the drunks they were singing ♪
We kissed on the corner ♪
Then danced through the night ♪
The boys of the Toronto PD choir ♪
- Were singing Galway Bay ♪
- (LAUGHING)
And the bells were
ringing out for ♪
I miss you, too.
But I'll be seeing you soon.
(THEME MUSIC)