The Simpsons s19e09 Episode Script

The Simpsons S19E09 (KABF02) Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind The capital of montana is not "hannah" Nobody steals Willie's breakfast! I must've really tied one on last night.
No more drinking.
Still early enough to sneak into bed and pretend I actually got home at 3:00 A.
M.
Huh? Where's Marge? Hey, kids, have you seen your mother? Or yourselves? Maggie?! Has anyone seen anyone?! Oh, of course, they must all be taking a family bath.
Without me! Save some suds for Daddy.
Hey, boy know where the family is? Show me on MapQuest.
Fine.
Google Maps.
What's going on? Why are you attacking me? Look, if this is about me eating your heart pills, they shouldn't have made them in Good 'N' Plenty colors.
Moe, my family's gone, my dog hates me, and I can't remember what happened last night.
Was I here? Was you ever.
You came in saying you really needed to forget something; so mixed you up the most powerful drink I got the "Forget-Me-Shot.
" A "Forget-Me-Shot?" Never heard of it.
Yeah, that means it worked.
No one ever remembers.
That's why I made this video to explain the process.
You start with a splash of Jagermeister - then add sloe gin - Got that.
- Triple-Sec - Right.
- Quadruple-Sec - Yeah.
gunk from a dog's eye, Absolut Pickle Mmm, pickle.
the red stripe from Aquafresh, and the funniest ingredient the venom of the Louisiana Loboto-moth.
Come on, sweetie.
You stir it with a home pregnancy test till it turns positive And presto : the Forget-Me-Shot.
Jeez, I don't look like that.
The point is, this drink is the ultimate brain bleacher.
One swig wipes out the last day of your life.
Give me one of those forget-me drinks! I made a mistake I gotta wipe out.
I was trying to do a Don Rickles about Arabs, but it turned into a Mel Gibson about Mexicans.
Huh? What the hell am I doing here? I gotta get back to the Latin Grammys.
- There he is! Get him! - Kill him! Hot-sauce his eyes! Oh, my God.
Why would I want to wipe out my memory?! What horrible thing did I do?! You don't remember, huh? There was a domestic disturbance at your address yesterday.
Chief Wiggum! I remember seeing you What's going on here, Simpson? Am I gonna need the zip strips? Everything's fine cupcakes and sprinkles.
I see.
And how did you get that? What gives, Simpson? Giving your wife an Irish kiss? No, I swear! It was my fault.
I I walked into a door.
Walked into a door, huh? That is the lamest excuse I ever All right, door! You're coming downtown! Marge had a black eye? I could never do something like that.
Could I? Why don't you ask the person who filed the complaint? Not that I am authorized to release that information Flanders! Fine, it was Flanders.
Now, since you know everything, who was Jack the Ripper? The queen's private surgeon! Flanders, why did you call the cops last night? I had to--I heard a hubbub, Bub.
What did I do?! I can't say for sure, but as a Christian, I assume the worst.
What happened in this room?! If only these walls could talk.
People would pay to come see my amazing talking walls, and I could use that money to Hey, a memory! Stop! Homer, please! My eye! No, it can't be! I would never hurt Marge! I'm a good man! Yeah, yeah, me too! You know, doing this is just confirming a stereotype for you Mexicans.
I am from Costa Rica! And I should care because? Thank goodness you come to visit me, son! I can't take one more minute of this high school glee club pretending they don't hate being here.
Oh, what a night You know I didn't even know her name But I was never gonna be the same What a lady What a night You'll eat our cookies, but you won't look at us! Dad, I can't remember what I did last night.
Do you have any idea? You come to me for help rememberin'? That's like asking your horse to do your taxes, which I did back in 1998.
I'm afraid I did something to make Marge and the kids leave me.
Wait.
I know someone who can help you a doctor who helps people dig up old memories.
Really? Oh, that's great, Dad.
How can I ever repay you? Punch that orderly who takes sips out of my juice.
Done.
No, wait.
That's the guy that saved my life.
Memory Recivery Institute we do not do MRI's Mr.
Simpson, I have built a device that will enable you to explore your memories.
The science was easy, but now I've got the hard part, coming up with a name.
How about The Deja View-Master? Uh Remembrance of things fast? Hmm.
The Remembererer? We don't have to come up with it now.
These wonderful wrinkle-bags are reliving their cherished memories of yesteryear.
Ah, my first Christmas.
Such great Chinese food.
This is great! I'm finally gonna find out how I ruined my family! Strap me in, nerd! To me, "nerd" stands for Not Even Remotely Dorky, so thank you.
Thank you for the compliment.
Now you'll feel a slight pinch, followed by an extremely painful pinch, signaling that the spike will begin boring into your skull three seconds later.
Boring.
Yes, that's right, boring.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Three, two, one.
What the hell? Your memory bubble and you "This bubble allows you to view any past event from your life.
" Ah, it's got that new bubble smell.
Aw, I landed in a pleasant memory.
Look at happy me and playful them.
And we're off! Now remember-steer into the sculptures.
Snow sculpture contest Oh, I miss those by gone days of earlier this week.
But I'm needed in a darker place.
Wha? Those squeaks sound like couch springs grooving to the beat of love! Hmm? Homer! I wasn't expecting you.
Hey, what's going on here?! Oh, Homer, I didn't want you to find out this way.
Another man with my wife in my house on top of my TV Guide?! I got to find out who that guy is, but I need help.
Someone like Bart, only smart.
Lisa! Another me! You can watch the kids.
Lisa, I'm about to probe the most shattering moment of my life.
You want to join me? Might as well.
You're getting this memory mixed up with a commercial you saw.
With new Synergy Wireless, night time minutes start at 6:30, and you get four free d-cast downloads per month.
Synergy-- it's your call.
It's a beautiful morning I think I'll go outside for a while Yo, Homer, can you take me to when were ten to see if I can kick your butt? Bring it on.
You're superior to me in every way! Well, let's see how you do against 20-year-old Homer.
What is it you want from me? Money? Weed? D'oh! I'll teach you to beat up yester-me! Dad, you just destroyed your first kiss.
Who was it with? Uh Apu.
Right.
Kids, your mom is with another man, and I need you to help me find out who he is.
Hmm.
Is this really something I should show you kids? It's okay.
We're not really your kids.
We're just representations of them that you created in your mind.
Really? Then if I created all this, that means I can have pizza anytime I want! Hello.
I'd like to order a pizza.
Hey, what's going on here?! See? That's where my memory stops.
Who the heck is that guy? What if you just moved the bottle? All right.
Let me just get out of this bubble smoothly and elegantly.
How can I get my memory to work? Declarative memory can be broken into two subsets: the episodic forms are stored in the neocortex, while the semantic ones are Oh, can that tuna! We can get your brain to work the same way you always get the TV to work --by hitting it.
Hey, what's going on here? Oh, Homer, I didn't want you to find out this way.
- Duffman! - Duffman? Duffman! The mother of my children with the reason for my children! Stop, Homer! Please! I'm just giving it to your wife.
She is gonna be sore tomorrow.
No! Your stupid invention made me realize my life is worthless! Well, if you can't stand the neural activity, stay out of the neural activator! So I did have butter nut squash last night.
My wife left me.
I've done horrible things.
My family's gone.
My life is ruined.
Good-bye, cruel world! And good-bye, Cruller World.
Bye, Homer! Suicide Bridge in memory of governor Chester L.
Suicide Are you my guardian angel? Yes, we are.
Jump and we'll carry you to Heaven.
Hey, aren't trolls supposed to be under the bridge? Ha, ha, good-bye.
Come on, what are you waiting for? We want to see if the splash reaches the moon.
- Good one.
- Wait a minute.
If killing myself would make you two happy, then I'm not gonna do it.
Don't worry about our happiness.
For once, think of yourself.
My life's flashing before my eyes.
A life well-lived.
Until last night.
I guess I'll have to watch that now.
What's going on here?! Oh, Homer, I didn't want you to find out this way.
We were planning a surprise party for you.
A surprise party?! This magic marker's running out of ink.
I'm sorry your surprise party was spoiled.
Are you kidding? The mother of my children with the reason for my children! This is gonna be the greatest party ever! Oh, yeah! Duff beer is sponsoring the party, featuring new Duff Champagne the beer of champagnes! Oh, my God! It's like Christmas in December.
Let's celebrate now.
Stop, Homer! Please! My eye! Don't worry, honey.
I'll get you an ice pack.
Where's the ice pack? I'm just giving it to your wife.
She is gonna be sore tomorrow.
So Marge wasn't cheating on me; I never hit her; and my family is throwing me an awesome party.
Thank God I figured it out before I did anything stupid.
Oh, right.
Oh, my God! I'm not dead! Homie, this is your party! This is great! I must be the first gullible husband to overhear snippets of surprise party planning and think it was my wife having an affair.
Keep it up, people.
The night is young! Um, it's 11:00.
You want to pay for the extra hour? Okay.
Par-tay, people! Geez, Homer, I can't believe your plan actually worked.
What plan? Your plan to make the surprise party a surprise again.
Remember? Marge put so much work into that party.
The least I could do is be surprised.
If only I could forget what happened today.
I got just the drink to wipe your mind clean: the "Forget-Me-Shot.
" Fellas, if you got anything you want to say to Homer that he'll never remember, say it now.
Blue pants make you look fat.
I've never learned your kids' names.
Your yard is unkempt.
It is obvious you're bald.
Your thighs make noise.
I find your small hands attractive.
I've spit in every drink I ever served you.
Bottoms up! The only problem is, I'm sure to retain some image of coming home and finding Duffman.
No doubt I'll misconstrue that as him placing a cuckold's horns upon my brow.
And that will make me want to jump off a For the love of God, make sure the party boat has a moon bounce.
Okay.
I'm a genius.
But there are still a few things I don't understand.
Like why did Marge lie to Chief Wiggum about how she got that black eye? Because I didn't want him finding out about the party.
I mean, he's okay, but you know he'd bring Sarah, and I just don't care for that woman.
And when you pushed me off the bridge, it's 'cause you knew about the party and wanted to make sure I got here.
Yeah, that must be it.
You know, there's an after-party at the bottom of the ocean.
This is good for two free drinks.
The only thing that still doesn't make sense is why the dog attacked me.
Because you never feed him, walk him or let him out to pee.
Who's an angry dog? Who's an angry dog? Now who wants a beer? To a man I'm happy to call my best friend, Homer Simpsno! Simpson! Dyslexia, Duffman's secret shame.
Aren't you going to drink? No, this is a moment I want to remember.
I remember finding out about you Every day my mind is all around you Looking out from my lonely room I give my love to you.