American Dad s19e20 Episode Script

1
This sucks!
This is my summer vacation?
Looking out at the street?
Hey, don't sell the street short,
lotta cool stuff happens out there.
Yesterday I saw a guy
pushing a broken salon chair.
All my friends are off doing cool stuff.
Toshi's at SAT camp,
Barry's teaching tracing
at his old daycare,
and Snot's working at his
uncle's meatpacking plant.
Those are cool things.
Summer vacation's the worst.
You shut your queso hole, amigo.
Summer vacation is the sole
reason I became a principal.
Well, that and the easy
access to low-grade drugs.
It's summer! We can do anything we want!
Ride bikes to RB Burger,
take a piss off the ol' bridge.
Hell, we could explore those
unfinished homes on the edge of town.
Ah, that stuff is all so lame!
What is it you want to do, Steve?
Actually, I did have this great
idea the guys never wanted to do.
Design an app where kids can hang
with other kids. No parents. No adults.
A place where kids are free to
connect and blossom on their own.
Hell yeah,
I consider myself a kid at heart.
Well, no one treats me
like an adult, at least.
And you know I want
what's best for kids.
All I do is in their honor.
[FOOTSTEPS STOMPING]
Oh! It's the guy with the salon chair!
He's going the other way!
Maybe he was going the wrong way before.
[CHUCKLES] Something tells me that
cat's always going the wrong way.
[PATRIOTIC FANFARE]
Good morning, USA ♪
I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
Good morning, USA ♪
[CHORUS] Good morning, USA ♪
On my app, without adult influence,
kids can just connect and have fun!
Kids do hate adults up in their biz!
[KLAUS] Yeah, but how you going
to keep the adults off the app?
[STEVE] Kids can hear two to three
registers higher than adults.
So, by using an audio login,
we could keep adults out.
[PRINCIPAL LEWIS] Ah. Smart!
[KLAUS] Well, the most important
thing for any app is influencers.
Influencers bring traffic to the site.
[MAN] Hey, I'm kayaking down here!
I follow all the big influencers
and if I could get my
hands on a few green ones,
they could become the real
deal and get you tons of users.
You got a name for the app?
Gotta have a cool name.
I was thinking KidzZone.
- [BOTH] Euch!
- Horrible.
Kids don't like stuff that
sounds like it's for kids.
All the cool vapes I take from
kids have sexy, vague names like
Blue Violet.
Whoa!
Hey! My gut is going crazy.
[STOMACH GURGLES]
There must be an amazing idea in here.
Oh, Hideki's gut
is famously business savvy.
Hey, my son's funny-looking friend,
do you see anyone in here
who might have an idea?
Me! I do!
A social media app for kids only,
no adults allowed!
And it's called Blue Violet.
[LAUGHS HEARTILY]
That's so stupid. What a stupid name.
And run by a kid?
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
That is too funny.
I'm finding this all very funny. [GASPS]
Maybe this is the good idea.
Chicken, froyo, some kinda tan stuff.
This has so much flavor! [GULPS]
Almost too much flavor
for my stomach to contain!
Hideki's right.
We can't start a tech company.
No, no, no, no, Steve.
Now we must start the company.
To spite Hideki's sorry ass.
- What?
- The fish is right.
When you're faced with adversity,
you've gotta remember one thing
Fuck the haters.
Yeah, huck them faders, bro.
Come on, Brian, let's educate this kid.
[RAPPING] Huck them, huck them
Huck them faders bro ♪
Huck them, huck them
Huck them faders bro ♪
When people give you shit
You tell 'em where to go ♪
H-E-double-L
and you can add an "o" ♪
If you standing in my
way you can get bent ♪
I should kill you fool
But I gave it up for Lent ♪
Let 'em get you heated
Make your blood boil ♪
Let that rev your engine
like a 90 octane oil ♪
Time for you to nut up
Time for you to buck up ♪
Tell Hideki and his kind to
kindly shut the [BLEEP] up ♪
Listen to us
We know what we're sayin' ♪
We're the baddest boys around
And I ain't even playin' ♪
I got a sick orange
truck and a fly alcove ♪
And all around my town
They look at me as if my name's Hov ♪
You think I briefly dated Danuta
By listening to haters ♪
No, I told them where to go
and suck my now and laters ♪
It's ya boy Brian Lewis
And I'm here to boast ♪
Top-four principal on
the whole east coast ♪
Well known from Newport
news to Michigan ♪
I take little punks and
mold them into citizens ♪
But if you come at me wrong
Be it night or day ♪
I'll burn it all down and yell ♪
Come out and play ♪
It's not just from us whom
you should take a page ♪
Steve Jobs started Apple
'cause he knew how to rage ♪
If Marie Curie wasn't pissed
There'd be no radium at all ♪
And Miley would have never
written Wrecking Ball ♪
Steve, you're a badass bitch
So let 'em know ♪
Direct 'em to your nuts ♪
And tell them where to blow ♪
Come on! ♪
Oh, ouch!
That guy didn't know what hit him.
What happened?
Where's the Ridiculousness?
[SCREAMING]
It's turning channels, but nothing's on!
It's the cable.
I'm on with the cable company.
He says their whole
business model is broken.
Gotta buy a streaming box or something.
No! No, no. Cable worked.
This is not a streaming house.
But then no Ridiculousness.
How are we going to have fun?
Jeffy, people been having fun for eons,
sharing stories and songs.
I got this old banjo.
Nope, I'm out.
I'm gonna go light a
cigarette off the stove
and smoke the whole thing inside.
Thanks again for pushing
me to start this.
Oh, look at the server!
See that blinking light?
That means we have a user!
Probably from me, man.
Been bustin' my fin all over town
trying to market the app to kids.
Hanging around schools,
that bagel shop the
Chimdale High girls go to.
Carefully inserting myself
in their conversations.
I don't like the sound of that.
Don't worry, I'm a marketing guru, bro.
There he is!
That fish tried to get
my kid to some website
with no adult supervision!
My son says he kept repeating
"no adult supervision."
Gotta stay on message.
I emailed every parent I know,
and posted on as many Facebook
pages as possible to tell their kids
to stay away from your terrible site!
Thanks a lot, Klaus! We're ruined!
Whoa! Look! The server!
[LAUGHS] If there's one
thing kids love doing,
it's what their parents
tell them not to do.
Pssh. Don't you ever doubt me,
I'm the voice of the youth, son.
I have the mind of a child.
Hey, Stevie Jobs.
I just got a notice
from Langley Electric
that we're using $800 of juice a day!
Hmm. I think Roger got a new
Dyson vacuum. Maybe that's it.
Either cover the costs or shut it down.
Steve, maybe it's time to take
on a few local advertisers.
No! We're never gonna do ads!
Maybe that's why I am here.
My gut led me here late last night.
I spent the last five
days at Langley General.
While there I realized your app
probably was the idea my tummy liked,
and not the plate of garbage I ate.
It takes a big man to realize that.
Please, let me invest
in your childish company.
I'll give you all the money you need,
you keep doing what you're doing,
and we split it all 50-50.
I'll do it.
But you only get 25%.
25%?
Yeah,
'cause we're splitting it four ways.
Gut?
[STOMACH GURGLING]
- Deal.
- Yes!
Level up, level up, level up ♪
Blue Violet ♪
I've been working my
whole life for this ♪
I'm on the straight and
narrow so I would never miss ♪
No, no ♪
I've got big brain energy
and I know how to use it ♪
Now I got this chance
I'm not gonna lose it ♪
We're blowin' up out of here ♪
Levelin' up
past the stratosphere ♪
It's not the time to fade ♪
It's the time to shine ♪
'Cause the chance is now ♪
Oh, the moment is mine ♪
Now we got kids logging on
across the globe, yeah, yeah ♪
All the way from Taipei
to Rome and Mexico ♪
'Cause kids are the future
Adults are the past ♪
So climb on your modem
And kiss my digital ass ♪
S-Train, K-Dog, LewLew
You know that's tight ♪
The three of us
We keep the ship upright ♪
'm the one in charge My man
Klaus Best marketer in the game ♪
And Lewis he came
up with the name ♪
So you came up with the name?
That's right Jimmy.
Blue Violet.
Ha-ha! That's so funny.
I laugh so hard at everything.
Yo, it's your boy Klaus ♪
I run the influencer house ♪
I keep traffic flowin'
to the site ♪
With dancers and
singers that delight ♪
Got a guy that prays to the Lord ♪
And a girl that can
chop through a board ♪
This girl knows how
to make leftovers last ♪
And this guy makes
sandwiches super fast ♪
I keep this house purring
Like a Porsche Cayenne ♪
A tech temple fit
for a Digital Mayan ♪
And like a 10-year-old
that looks presidential ♪
We're not even close to
reaching our potential ♪
It's not the time to fade ♪
It's the time to shine ♪
'Cause the chance is now ♪
Oh, the moment is mine ♪
Level up, level up, level up ♪
Blue violet ♪
[BLUEGRASS BANJO PLAYING]
This is great fun.
I don't miss TV at all.
But would anyone mind if
we classed it up just a touch?
I'm already there.
Classy!
This summer vacation
has turned out amazing!
For us, and all the kids talking
to each other on our app!
I heard a kid from Sweden
and another from Rhode Island
are working on solving climate change!
Using bootleg Simpsons porn!
Man, great ideas always seem
so obvious after the fact.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Ah, good, you all are together.
Magic Merv's Gummy Vegan Treats
made us a multi-million-dollar offer
for naming rights to our video player.
It's not an ad, technically.
[ALL] No!
So sorry, I don't know what got into me.
I ate some more garbage the other day,
maybe that's it.
So, uh, Simpsons porn, you say?
Sorry to keep you waiting,
we're planning the world's
first digital sleepover.
No rules, no bedtimes.
Drink Mountain Dew,
wet the bed, doesn't matter.
Steve Smith.
Tina McTines, teen journalist
for the New York Teen Times.
I'll get right into it.
I love the heart behind Blue Violet.
Which is why I was so bummed
to see you start allow advertising.
No, no, no, no, no.
We'll never have advertising.
Uh, yes you do.
Ahh! Ahh!
Ahh!
Sexy Sodas? Big Fun Guns?
We said no ads!
And I noted that.
But even with your three "no" votes,
the board still voted in favor
of allowing advertising.
Board?
You agreed to the board of fat cats
the first day you signed
into your computer.
It was in the little
Terms and Agreement popup.
Or didn't you read it?
You clicked that you read it.
What? Nobody reads those.
[LAUGHS HEARTILY]
I know!
I tricked you!
I thought it would be easy
because you are a kid and it was!
[STOMACH GURGLES]
Hey! I have another idea.
Let's vote Steve and his
friends out of the company!
All in favor?
Oh, and we also get to
name your first-born child!
That was in the terms as well!
We're thinking Dorkface Stinkerbutt!
Unless it's a boy!
Then we're gonna call him Gary!
[LAUGHING]
Klaus, Hideki stole the company!
What's going on here?
I don't know, man.
I think drugs may have
gotten into the house.
I'm up! I'm up!
- Ca-ka!
- Ca-ka!
Up? It's 4:00 p.m.
Certified mail from Blue Violet.
But we're Blue Violet.
[GASPS] Eviction?
That's what I've been telling you!
Hideki installed a board of
directors and kicked us out!
Hey man, you got to change your tone,
Lewis and I are on a lot of Molly.
[HARPSICORD PLAYING]
Hayley.
Jeffrey.
- Roger.
- Stan.
This is exactly the dumb shit
I knew was going to happen.
Man, it might be the total lack of
serotonin in my brain right now,
but I am devastated.
Hideki stole everything from us.
And the app is doing the exact
opposite of what it was supposed to.
It's actually hurting kids.
I heard child obesity is up 200%
since they let all those ads on.
I got all this stuff on your app!
[LOUD POP]
Thanks, Steve!
We should've never even started the app.
Then let's destroy it.
Yeah, let's huck Fideki up!
Wait a second,
I did install a kill switch
in the original programming
back when we started and
I didn't trust you guys.
- Great thinking!
- So smart!
We just have to get to the servers.
Good luck with that,
I'm buddies with the
security guards there
and they're always bragging about how
it's impossible to break into that place.
And they say it with such bad breath!
Which I jokingly call the
first level of security.
Come on, the three of us created
the greatest app for children
in the history of the world!
Surely we can think of something.
Maybe that's it the app!
We can use it the way it was intended.
Use the app to defeat the app.
What? What are we doing?
We can outsource help
from kids on the app.
Adults still can't log in.
Hideki'll never see it coming.
Never see what exactly?
Write down all the security features
your buddies told you about.
And I'll start getting us help.
Guys, for real.
What are we doing?
[PRINCIPAL LEWIS] Blue Violet?
[SMIRKS] I got a new name for you
Blue Violence.
[RAPPING] To my generation ♪
This is a call ♪
The old ways not working
It's time for a change ♪
Don't know what I'm sayin'
Get the fuck out my lane ♪
We'll take it from here
We mean no pain ♪
Your money and your clout
They just ruinin' the game ♪
But I'm not here
just to complain ♪
You won't see it comin'
Won't see a thang ♪
Rip your arms off
like an orangutan ♪
By the time you wake up
We'll be sippin' champagne ♪
Won't know which way is up ♪
Eatin' your meals from a cup ♪
Tell the stars and the birdies ♪
That I say, wazzup ♪
This marriage, no longer ♪
Has a prenup ♪
I'm like your scorned husband ♪
Pullin' up in the U-Haul truck
You think it's funny but honey,
Nothin' funny 'bout money ♪
'Cuz now you're messin' with my cash
You think I'm a dummy ♪
I'm hungry and I'm gonna eat ya ♪
You play with my cheese
Better be on a pizza ♪
Now you're prayin'
to God on your knees ♪
Well, get ready
'cuz he wants to meet ya ♪
You just fucked
with the wrong kid ♪
Regrets,
you're about to have a few ♪
Gonna wish that you'd
run away and hid ♪
Remember that when our
nuts drop into view ♪
Hideki ♪
You're a piece of trash
I'm coming for you ♪
Gonna shove my fist up your little [BLEEP]
and there's nothing that you can do ♪
And I'm going to rip that dumb
little gut out your stomach!
And I'm gonna eat that
shit in front of your kids!
Toshi and Akiko!
That's right, I'm sayin' their names.
Do something, motha [BLEEP] ♪
All your [BLEEP]
I'll [BLEEP] on your ass! ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right. Go time.
[DRUM BEATING]
Okay, Captain Tommy,
let us know when the coast is clear.
Aargh. Security's headed
away on the starboard side.
Just a few more steps
and the coast be clear.
Aye, the coast be clear.
[BEEPS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[BIRDS COOING]
Right on time.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[LASERS PINGING]
[LASERS PINGING]
Touchdown.
There it is
[SERVER WARBLING]
Not so fast.
How did you know we were coming?
I didn't.
My tummy led me here three days ago.
I did not know why, I was hoping
maybe it was to befriend a mouse,
which has always been a dream of mine.
You need to stop the app.
It's horrible for children.
Unfortunately, I do not care.
Screw you, you can't stop us!
[WEAPONS COCKING]
He's not going to shoot us.
I'm friends with his son.
They're Tasers.
I'll tase the crap out of you. Show him.
- [TASER CLICKS]
- Why'd you tase me, Mitch?
You skipped right over Trevor.
Steve, I think maybe it's time for
you two to catch a flight out of here.
- [CLICKING]
- [YELLING]
Change of plans,
we're going to need pickup
on the north side of 16. Now!
[GROANING]
Ahh!
[WIND WHISTLING]
[HARP PLAYING]
Here. Now we can stream Ridiculousness.
[MAN ON TV] Oh, splat!
Man on TV get hurt in balls.
I don't know, I like streaming.
Oh yeah, for sure.
I was an early adopter.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[MAN ON TV] Oh, no!
I think that guy just broke his dick!
So they'd already backed
up all the servers, huh?
Yep. We woulda had to blow up
an Amazon server farm in Texas
and a satellite to even cause
a dip in the site's traffic.
Oh yeah,
nowadays it's all up in the cloud.
I would have told you,
but I was super confused about the plan.
I got a court date in two weeks.
Hopefully the school district will let
me keep an eye on the kids from jail.
I mean, a lot of people
work remote these days.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
- You guys are back!
Meatpacking is not for me.
They made me name all the cows
before they got slaughtered,
I still don't know why that's a job.
Sorry about your website Steve.
I'm still using it.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
"Dear Steve,
"your company has been
very profitable for me.
"To show my appreciation,
I have dropped all charges against you,
"that man, and that fish.
"Also, I told Toshi next summer
he does not have to go to SAT camp
"if he spends time with you instead.
He could learn a lot from you."
Hell yeah! What a bitchin' summer.
You know, I learned a very
valuable lesson this summer.
Maybe it could help you guys, too.
[RAPPING] Huck them, huck them
Huck them faders bro ♪
When people give you shit
You tell 'em where to go ♪
He-double-L and you can add an "o"
Bye! Have a great time!