American Dad s19e22 Episode Script

1
[JAUNTY OLD-TIMEY MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC TURNS GENTLE]
[MUSIC TURNS JAUNTY AGAIN]
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[JAUNTY OLD-TIMEY MUSIC PLAYING]
Look out!
Holy moly! It works.
Holy moly! They've been smushed!
[NARRATOR] It's the News of the World
Beep, beep, beep.
[NARRATOR] coming to you in sound,
glorious sound!
It's been one year since Stan
Smith's VoiceTronic ThroatBug
transformed the globe.
Anywhere people can talk, they do!
From politicians
My opponent has called
me a munz-watcher,
a gongoozler, a spatherdab,
and a dotties man!
But I assure you, the only one
that's true is that I'm a gongoozler.
[CROWD CHEERING]
- [NARRATOR] to spinster librarians.
- Shh!
Why, even animals
are getting in on the fun.
[GROANING]
Wonderful.
It's all thanks to the Wizard from
the Farm, whose genius invention
has turned him into a
captain of industry!
He's even erected his own gleaming tower
of rivet and steel, Stan Co.,
cleverly named after the man himself,
who he himself cleverly named it.
After himself.
With money and fame well in hand,
and a jaunty new
mustache dripping in oil,
one thing was sure to follow.
Love! Genuine love.
It's clear what she's feeling.
Love, love, lovely love!
But it hasn't all been so smooth
for the Wunderkind Gifter of Gab.
Others have pushed into
the voice box business,
and buyer beware.
Some knockoffs are of a
dangerously low quality.
News of the dangers of Roger Co's
fabulous TalkMaker VibraPhone,
affectionately known as the
Speech Leech, are grossly exagg
[STAMMERING]
[GROANING]
He's dead!
[NARRATOR] But obstacles to Smith's
success come not only from without,
but from within.
[ECHOING] His workers
have gone on strike!
[WORKERS] Union! Union!
[NARRATOR] With all these challenges,
what is the man in the
great tower working on next?
Oh, I hope it's soap you can eat.
I eat soap all the time,
and I'm tired of feeling sick.
The strike is a minor hiccup,
but Stan Co.
continues to do robust business.
People will be talking in
Australia by year's end,
and I, for one, can't wait
to hear what they sound like.
[STAN] So we're number one?
- Number one.
- Number one!
- The top.
- Well done, sir.
[STAN] But there are other numbers.
Well, yes,
there are other numbers below us.
Below is okay.
- We're above the below.
- You look great, Mr. Smith.
Granted, Bullock has 20% of the market.
Selling my invention.
- But you have 60%!
- I should have 100.
Nobody has 100% market share.
My sainted mother didn't
sell her only blanket
The blanket!
to send me to the city
so that I could be less
than a total success.
You bums better get this man
the rest of the market share right now!
What's the report on my donkey?
He's right over there if you'd
like to turn your head and look.
I'm too busy. What's his status?
[KLAUS] He's not touching
the lobster tails, sir.
[STAN] They must be old or small.
Get him big fresh ones immediately.
It's Tuesday, big boy.
I need my sparkles.
Mm. Yummy.
[TUTTLE] She's a lucky girl, sir.
[MAN 1] She's gaga for you.
- [TOM] I'm gaga for you.
- Ahem.
The launch for your new mysterious
product is only a few days away.
Perhaps a preview for
the boys on the board?
No.
[CROWS CAWING]
I can't trust anyone.
That man is here to see you, sir.
Well, if it isn't my fellow genius
who is about to launch a secret product.
What is it? [LAUGHS] I'm just kidding.
I don't even care what it is.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
I brought my Bible.
I'm sure you've noticed.
[CLICKS]
I love the Bible now.
You're obviously doing great.
The wood in here is so dark.
I'm doing great too.
My gadget boys in the lab
have cooked up a camera
so small it can fit inside a Bible.
Uh, not this Bible, though.
A safe. Nice!
[GRUNTING]
Solid. Hey,
what if we traded secrets, yeah?
I'll tell you how I get my voice boxes
to let off those totally intentional,
invigorating, little harmless zaps,
great for throat health, by the way,
and you could tell me whatever
it is you've got cooking
[STAMMERING]
Tell me your secrets.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
Mr. Smith,
we're so honored to have your wife
as our headline singer,
and she's a very good singer.
I mean, singing is so new,
and there are already lots
of better singers out there.
But I think for now,
in this early phase,
she's a good singer.
Especially since you're
giving me that bri
Bribe. Kickback. The cash.
[SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
What a singer.
[SINGING OFF-TUNE]
People are talking ♪
Talking about people ♪
I hear them whisper ♪
You won't believe it Darling ♪
They think we're lovers ♪
Wow. That's nice in the ears.
[BULLOCK] Enjoying the show, Smith?
I have every right to be angry,
you know?
I gave you a job and you stole my girl.
Or rather, you outbid me.
You got a lot of nerve
talking about the boss' wife like that.
Oh, I know you didn't just
talk directly to my boss.
Profits are up, up, up at Bullock Co.
People just love these voice boxes,
but what's next, Smith?
Whatcha got cooking in that
brilliant mind of yours?
That's none of your [BLEEP] beeswax!
My boss is a million times
stronger than your boss!
Whatever it is, I'll just go down,
buy one from the store
and have my engineers figure it out.
Like I did last time.
I'll kill you for what
your boss just said.
- [BLOWS LANDING]
- [BOTH SHOUTING]
[STEVE] The emperor himself.
His breath stinks of the
richest gravies and sauces.
Why, smelling one of his belches
would be the most decadent
moment in our horrible lives!
- [SIREN WAILING]
- [GUNFIRE]
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
Loud, terrible world.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[UPBEAT BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
A year ago, I changed everything.
[MAN 1] Yeah, you did!
Let me finish.
[MAN 1] On my face!
I brought you the VoiceTronic ThroatBug.
[CHEERING]
I gave voice to a voiceless world.
And I haven't been impressed
with what you've had to say.
[CHEERING STOPS]
"I don't want to work hard."
"I'm going to tell you
what you want to hear
because I'm a spineless yes man."
I agree with Boss.
You guys are pathetic.
"I'm going to steal your ideas
and grow fat from my deceit."
I think that's me.
I don't like it.
It's time for me to
change everything again.
[ALL GASPING]
Far beyond black, gray and white,
I have discovered that
there are hidden true colors
to everything in the universe.
[ALL CHEERING]
[MAN 2] When can we buy it?
You can't. I'll never sell it.
[MAN 3] Then what can we buy?
For a price,
anyone and anything can be colorized,
but only I have the technology,
and now that you've seen it,
you'll want more.
You don't know what a
banana truly looks like
until it's been shined on
by my fabulous machine.
The banana color is not what you think.
[WOMAN 1] I gotta have it!
Myriad kaleidoscopic wonders
locked behind a gate to
which I alone hold the key.
I've been called a Prometheus,
but he merely stole
the gifts of the gods.
I am a god.
So if you ever want to see the
color of your children's eyes,
you'll have to pray to me!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[STAN] How beautiful.
Thanks for the sparkles.
[TIRES SCREECH]
Oh, God, Boss, your blood is so
I guess this color needs a name.
Blood color.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
You've been shot! You need help!
What I need is my prism back.
How will we ever find them?
They won't be able to resist.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
There you are.
Look at you!
Look at you!
Look at that!
We've got to go underground.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[BELL DINGS]
[BOTH PANTING]
That was close for a few seconds,
but I think it's definitely time
to count those chickens.
Oh, God, we're on the L-train!
There he is!
- [SCREAMS]
- [BULLOCK GRUNTING]
[ROGER] I have a zeppelin too,
just as good.
Now it's simply a
matter of reeling it in
using my patent-pending Roger Co.
Reacher Creature!
[GRUNTING]
Piece of junk!
No
Ah!
[STAMMERING]
[SCREAMING]
It wasn't another voice box.
It was something that
made things look crazy!
- I don't know how to describe it.
- Could you try?
I don't feel like it.
Is it like that?
[ROGER] Oh, my God!
This is our chance!
[KLAUS] They're going
into the Self-Made Man!
The only way out is up,
and that's where I am.
- [GRUNTS]
- [BOTH SCREAM]
What you have belongs to me.
[KLAUS] You just jumped out?
I don't know how to drive this thing!
The color, it isn't yours.
You're right. It isn't ours.
It belongs to everyone!
What are you doing? No!
[WHOOSHING]
- [GASPS]
- [EXCLAIMING]
[GASPS]
[ALL GASP]
I'm ruined.
[ROGER SCREAMING]
Thanks for not giving
me the old heave-ho
and letting me leave
with my dignity intact.
[GRUNTS]
So what's your favorite color?
What an exciting new question.
Mother! I'm a failure, Mother.
I lost my fortune. I lost my shirt.
I know.
Come on home, son.
I never wanted to come back to the farm,
and if I did, I wanted to come back
as a man of great renown
on a billion donkeys made of gold!
Not on one donkey made of donkey meat.
Hit me with your rolling pin!
I had to sell my rolling
pin to get to the city.
I forgot to send you money.
I'm such a loser.
You know what else is
really making me nuts?
I don't even know who shot me.
- I shot you.
- What? Why?
You were being a real bad boy.
Everyone else was a bad boy first.
Why am I the only one who has
to go back where I started?
Where it's hard, it's bleak, it's
- [ROOSTER CROWING]
- [COW MOOING]
[BIRDS SINGING]
[VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING]
It's beautiful.
The things you share are yours to keep.
I wish I had my money too,
and my hot traitor wife.
But this is This is nice.
[COW MOOING]
Have a great night!