Midsomer Murders (1997) s20e05 Episode Script

1 You're listening to Late Night with Jordan Briggs.
The phone lines are open so don't be shy.
Ah, next up we have Karen, from Carber Valley, Karen? Yeah, hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry, I disagree with you about the war on drugs.
You think they should all be legalized, party time for everyone? Well, no, not all of them, but definitely cannabis.
I mean, it's harmless, isn't it? It's linked to serious psychiatric disorders, Karen, if you can't see the harm in that then obviously your drug use has had an impact.
Barry, you're live on Midsomer FM.
So what, legalize it all and hope for the best? No, I Great logic.
You think you're so clever, don't you? You're like an expert on everything but you don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, personal insults already.
Well done, Barry, you win the prize, most moronic call of the show so far.
Hmm, 11 prat points to you.
More calls, after the travel news.
So, how long you been on the force now, then? Getting on for 25 years.
No, thank you.
Seriously, of everyone at universities, you're the last one you'd pick is a police officer.
What makes you say that? Well, they're meant to be tough, aren't they? You aren't exactly an action hero, unless the action involved a game of Scrabble.
Richard, thank you so much for coming, do you have a drink? No, I haven't actually.
Now that's why I stay at home when you meet up with her.
She didn't mean it, it's just her sense of humor.
Hilarious! If she's so much fun, why do you only see her once in a blue moon? I'm very busy.
She's not that bad, anyway, I've known her forever.
Stop it! I'm so proud of you! Oh, darn, you're going to start me off again.
Come on.
Thank you.
All right? Bye-bye! Bye! We need everyone outside for fireworks in 15 minutes, okay? That number again, 03454040492.
I'm ready to take your calls.
This is yours truly, Jordan Briggs, on Midsomer FM.
Excuse me.
Thank you, thank you so much.
Oh, bride, groom? Can't find them? Maybe they're, you know? Oh, Gavin, good, any idea where Laurel's got to? Is she not here? No? Oh, she's gone to get changed, hasn't she? Has she, I'll go.
No, no, no, I'm not losing you again, could someone who is not part of the wedding party please fetch Laurel? What room's she in? Oh, the Queen Anne suite, thank you.
Laurel? We want to hear different voices from around Midsomer County, telling us about your experiences.
Is Sarah okay out there? She's fine.
Honestly, she said she's fine.
I didn't want to come to this thing in the first place, we hardly know anyone.
Sarah said that you were friends with the groom's mother, Hazel Webster? Sarah was when we were all at university, they were best friends.
Hazel was never my biggest fan.
Her name's Laurel Newman, or Laurel Webster now, I suppose.
She's been married to Gavin Webster for about eight hours.
What's that in her mouth? Ribbon.
Looks like it might have been cut from the lacing on her corset.
Okay, that's different.
Tied in a bow around her tongue? Laurel was a talk show host on Midsomer FM.
When Sarah found her the radio was on full blast and tuned to her station.
Well, that's sends a pretty clear message.
Any thoughts on cause of death? Not sure yet.
But, from the way this dress has been tightened, she might have been squeezed to death? Is that possible? Extreme constriction of the corset, causing internal damage, a collapsed lung, maybe? It happened in the late 18th century.
Society's obsession with tiny waisted women.
That's insane.
Good thing we've moved on, eh? Just Botox and exploding breast implants to worry about these days.
What are they? Beads, three of them.
They're not trodden into the carpet yet, so they can't have been here long? Ma'am? I should be with her, she's my wife.
I can't let you see her yet, I'm sorry.
Gavin, they're just doing their job! If they'd done their job, she'd be alive! Gavin! No, Mum! Three times we went to the police, and what did you do? Was Laurel being threatened? Months of trolling online.
And these packages started turnin' up, roadkill, dead animals.
"Keep a log," that's all you lot had to say.
It started happening at our house, too, after they had moved in with us.
You still have any of these packages? I kept one, it's in the freezer at my shop.
Do you have any idea who would do this? They get some weirdos calling the radio show, it could be any of them? Okay.
You said Laurel walked her friend, Marcia, out to a taxi at 10:30, where did you go after that? There's a, there's a cottage on the grounds.
We meant to stay there tonight, I went to decorate it.
On your own? Yes! Why isn't someone turnin' that thing off? We'll let him get some sleep.
Are you feeling any better now, Philip? Sorry? Your headache.
You said it was why you missed the ceremony this afternoon.
Oh, the, the migraines.
No, they get better in the evening.
How did you both get on with Laurel? Okay? Most of the time, but have you heard her radio show? She was very opinionated.
Argumentative, really, it's not always easy to deal with.
You're saying she made enemies? None of her whole family here, it's classic distancing behavior.
You're not at work now! Ever the psychologist.
Oh, John knows what I'm talking about, he did the same course.
No family on her big day, difficulty maintaining key relationships.
What does that tell you? Were you happy that your son was marrying Laurel today? We were happy that he was happy.
And I thought my in-laws didn't like me.
Do you think that's why he wasn't at the ceremony? Couldn't bear to watch? I don't know? But run his details, he's got form.
What for? Fraud.
He was a solicitor, he stole from his clients.
Sarah said he's only been out of prison a few months.
Juliet Evans, Perfect Love Weddings.
This is my assistant, Grace Briggs.
I've put together some information, staff contact list, timetable, master guest list.
Key members of the wedding party highlighted in pink, no-shows in green.
Right, thank you.
As you can see, there is no Best Man, but the Maid of Honor's over there.
Aisha Khalique.
Ah, yes, I remember her from the speeches, she was pretty far gone by then.
Every wedding, there's always one.
That's why I come prepared.
Oh, a job for you, I think? Good luck.
Did either of you see Laurel or Gavin after about 10:30? They both disappeared.
And this, photo shoot at 10:45 in front of the projection screen, I assume that didn't happen? No, but that's what made me realize she'd gone to get changed, she wanted those photos to show off her second dress.
Laurel had a second dress? Lots of brides do it, traditional white for the day, something more glamorous for dancing.
Do you know what this second dress looked liked? Was it beaded? No idea, sorry, but it must have been pretty special, she wanted to make a big entrance.
There's no other dress in the room.
We need to find out what happened to it? Did you get any sense out of Aisha Khalique? Only that she worked with Laurel and that she was her bestest, best, best mate ever.
I arranged for a taxi to take her back to Little Denton.
Let's try again tomorrow.
I did speak to the hotel manager, though.
There's no CCTV, but the system records every time that a key card is used.
Laurel's hotel room was accessed at 10:36 using her own key card.
It suggests a willingness to let the killer in.
Or they forced her to use her card? We need to speak to this man, too, Jordan Briggs.
He was due to come then canceled at the last minute.
What, Jordan Briggs, the prat points DJ on the radio? You listen to him? I tried to once when Betty was teething, but I had to switch him off, before we both ended up screaming.
I was out with friends.
We lost track of time.
Um-hmm, which friends? Grace, which friends? You're in no position to upset me right now, are you, Dad? Gavin.
Ah, maybe just give him some space? Phil? We've had a break in.
Are you sure? Look! Oh, goodness! My computer's still here? Oh, better leave that! We have to report it! I said, leave it! No police! Cause of death was massive internal bleeding.
The tightening of the corset caused a rib to snap which ruptured a spleen.
What kind of force would that take? A fair bit.
And the tongue? I'd say the ribbon was tied around it post-mortem.
I haven't been able to identify that residue yet.
I've sent a sample off to the lab.
Anything else? It would be good if that meringue could be collected.
It's bringing back memories of my first wedding.
I didn't know you'd been married? I've been down the aisle a few times.
Although it wasn't an aisle, as such.
In Vegas.
Radio Midsomer Jordan Briggs, Laurel's cohost.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi, we're all, um, struggling to get our heads around this? How long had you been working together? Three years, she started as a regular guest, but then they wanted more female presenters, you know what it's like.
And how was she to work with? Good, you know, we laid into each other on air but that's the job.
I mean we'd have no show if we agreed on everything.
Please, come this way.
You were due to be at the wedding yesterday, is that right? Yeah, but then we decided I should do the show on my own and, sort of, keep some consistency.
I believe my daughter was there, though? Grace Briggs? Oh, yeah, she was working for Juliet.
So she was there.
Is that a problem? No, no problem.
Please? Um, this is Aisha, our producer.
We met last night.
Did we? Oh, yeah, of course, sorry.
And you remember the last time you saw Laurel yesterday? We were dancing together, no idea what time it was? Just remember she looked so happy.
Did she mention changing into a second dress at any point? She didn't have a second dress.
Not that I saw.
Her husband mentioned some unpleasant things in the post? It had her really freaked out.
Was it always dead animals? Yeah, foxes and badgers.
Oh, a rat once.
Did any of your callers seem particularly fixated on Laurel? Several.
When you host a late night phone-in you find out how many nutters there are out there.
Some of them call in every night.
Did Laurel mention the name of her wedding venue on air? She did, yeah, more than once.
Okay, we'll need the station's phone records and a list of those frequent callers with time codes.
Do you really think it's a listener? We can't rule it out.
It's just, has anyone spoken to you about Serena Madison? Oh, come on! What? She hated her! Who's Serena Madison? Gavin's ex-fiancee, he left her two years ago to be with Laurel.
Actually jilted her at the altar.
And she's been findin' ways to get back at them ever since.
Like what? Serena's father owned a stake in Midsomer FM and she inherited his share.
Laurel thought she was trying to get our show canceled.
Serena Madison? That name was inside Laurel's wedding dress.
It's what she does, she's a bridal wear designer.
Did Serena know that Laurel was getting married in one of her dresses? Oh, yeah, she knew.
It's probably what pushed her over the edge.
It's about giving people control Is that Laurel? Yes, it's from her final show.
But, some people can't be saved and don't want to be! What you're arguing for is denying them a choice.
Right, and what you're arguing for is putting people down, or maybe someone should put you down, eh? Thanks, Steve, ever the charmer.
Every caller with an attitude like that needs to be identified and interviewed.
Any luck with her family? Um, Hazel was right about lack of contact.
Mother and sister down in Devon didn't even know she was gettin' married.
What about this second dress? No sign of it in the hotel room.
Forensics did find this, though, in her purse.
Madam X.
The number's for an unregistered, pay-as-you-go.
How are you with jazz? Happier when I can't hear any.
Why? There's this strange bit, just as she signs off.
That's it for me, I'm off to get my beauty sleep before my wedding.
What's that, Laurel, you're getting married? Ooh, you never mentioned it.
Oh, shush, I've not been that bad! But, before I go, I know we don't usually play music, but there's a record I'd like to dedicate to someone special.
Someone I was honored to help.
This is for you.
Worth finding out what that is? Yeah, just a sec.
What are you doing? It's called "Loving and Letting Go" by the Tiger Quartet.
From now on, it's a pound in there every time you make me feel old.
I'm not made of money.
So, who do we think this someone special is? I don't know, but "Loving and Letting Go"? It sounds like a message to an ex? Serena Madison, I'm DCI Barnaby, this is Shoes off, please, you'll have to wait a moment.
Take a seat.
Bit behind on my laundry.
Thank you so much, darling.
You look absolutely spectacular! How can I help you gentlemen? Are you okay? Yes.
Oh, this? This is the tactical tear.
The bride tries on a dress slightly over budget, ideally in front of the mother and you well up, simply overwhelmed by how perfect it is.
Everyone does it.
Probably.
We're hear to talk to you about Laurel Newman.
Why would I want to talk about her? She was murdered last night at her wedding.
Well, what do you expect me to say? You obviously know what she did to me otherwise you wouldn't be here.
How did Gavin meet Laurel? At the Christmas party for the radio station.
I introduced them.
Then they went behind my back for months before he humiliated me on my wedding day.
That must have been difficult? I drove around that church for an hour, I couldn't believe he'd done it.
Have you seen Laurel since then? Zero contact with either of them.
I have to ask, where were you last night? I was at home.
On my own, drinking gin, watching mutual friends post Gavin's wedding photos on Facebook.
It was quite the evening, I can tell you.
Were you aware that Laurel was getting married in one of your dresses? I tried to stop that, believe me.
That entire wedding was paid for by a magazine competition.
Under my PR deal, I had to provide the winner with a dress.
They won their wedding in a magazine? Nobody told you? Well, I suppose it is frightening enough.
That's why it had to happen on a Friday.
Why do you think Laurel agreed to wear one of your designs? Given the situation? It's part of the prize.
Well, and I do make beautiful dresses.
You didn't think she was rubbing your nose in it? I couldn't possibly say Someone at the radio station suggested that you were making trouble for Laurel? Forcing her show off the air? Well, someone at the radio station overestimates my power.
I'm not the majority shareholder.
And besides, vengeance really isn't my style.
Speak to the Tech team, see if any of the trolling came from her IP address.
I will do.
And have you got an address for Marcia Jackson in there, this friend that Laurel was walking to the taxi? Uh, yeah, but this is weird.
Juliet Evans, the wedding planner, she left her laptop in Laurel's hotel room, so it was processed with everything else.
But, apparently, we can't get into it? What do you mean? It's got some sort of serious encryption software on it.
The sort of thing you see with organized crime.
Why would a wedding planner need that level of security? I don't know? But when I ran the names of the guests through the PNC, only two came back.
Philip Webster, for fraud, and Juliet Evans for violent assault against an ex.
See ya Monday! Bye! I got your messages, I'm not having a conversation about this.
She's my daughter! Yes, your 18-year old daughter.
She can do what she likes.
Now you, you stay away from her! Excuse me.
You and Laurel were obviously close? Oh, yes, we were best friends.
Can you take us through what happened when you said goodbye to Laurel? She came out with me to the taxi.
I waived as we drove off, and she went the other way.
Which way was that? To the side of the hotel.
I think there was someone there? She seemed to know them.
Did you see who it was? It was dark, but they had a cigarette, I could see it glowing.
I think they had a sort of hunchback? Male or female? Oh, I couldn't see, my eyes are terrible! That's okay, thank you for your help.
Oh, another cup of tea before you go? I'd love to, but we need to get on.
Oh, um, there's one other question, though.
Laurel finished her show with a record called "Loving and Letting Go", she said it was for someone special? Oh, that would be for Gavin.
Maybe, but is there anyone else we should be aware of? Oh, she'd never do the dirty on him, if that's what you mean? No, if there was someone special, it was Gavin.
Does that look like zero contact to you? I hate jazz, so did Laurel.
I got no idea why she'd play that? So who do you think it was for? Is she still in contact with any ex-partners? Not that I know of? I don't even know why I'm here? I thought it might calm me down.
Are these from Serena Madison? We saw her leaving just now.
Yeah.
She brought flowers to a flower shop? Classic Serena, isn't it? What'd you mean? Chrysanthemum, that represents fidelity, dahlia for betrayal.
Couldn't keep the smirk off her face.
What happened between you and Serena? Basically, I behaved very badly.
We'd been together four years and things were okay.
Then I met Laurel and, it was totally different, you know? I wanted to call things off then, but I felt like it was too late.
So, on the wedding day? I still couldn't tell her.
I sent my brother Noel to do it.
I remember justifying it to myself like, "Noel's a medical student, he's trained to break bad news.
" I'm not proud of it.
Did Serena blame Laurel for what happened? Of course she did.
But, I know her, she's not got it in her to kill anyone.
Did you ever wonder if it might have been Serena who was sending those packages? No, there's no way she could have done it, even if she wanted to.
She's a massive animal lover, a vegan and all that.
She could never mess around with them.
What do you mean, mess around? Got one here.
Serena wouldn't be able to touch it, let alone do that to it.
Were they all like this? Yeah.
Different animals, but all with ribbons around their tongue.
Actually, Sir, as the senior officer, I think you should ask her.
Nice try.
Toxicology report, it's all clear.
In terms of DNA, we've got dozens of different profiles, but that's to be expected.
With everyone hugging and kissing the bride.
What about that residue around her mouth? Talc.
From a common brand of latex glove.
So, the murderer came prepared? Looks like it.
I'll let you know if there's anything else.
Oh, actually, um.
We were hoping to get your expertise on this.
Gas Mark six for 90 minutes, it'd be lovely with a bit of fennel.
It was sent to the victim and we'd be very grateful if you could, um The subject is female, well-nourished.
Partially defrosted.
Evidence of trauma to the right side of the head, possibly an RTC? Caught her, huh? I think Flopsy, here, might be microchipped? Pass me that.
No, the scalpel.
Thank you.
There you go, get that to a vet and he'll scan it for you.
Your boyfriend's a vet, isn't he, we'll take it to him.
Oh, no, I ended that weeks ago.
Although the smell of livestock really lingers.
Laurel's room card was used 10:36 and her body was discovered just after 11.
So, we're looking at a very tight window.
How you getting on with those phone records from the radio station? So far, we've identified seven regular callers.
Their alibis check out.
There are at least three others on unregistered mobiles.
Okay, we need a team listening to those calls.
See if they give away any details about themselves? But, if the person that Marcia saw was the killer, then it was someone that Laurel knew, it wasn't some, anonymous troll.
They could be one in the same? Laurel might have known this troll in real life? Did we get any DNA off those beads? Nothing usable.
They don't match any of the outfits worn by the guests.
Their old, apparently, 1920s.
Sounds like the kind of thing Serena sells.
So, assuming, for a minute that those beads came off Laurel's second dress, what happened to it? The killer got rid of it in case their DNA was on it? Or they kept it as a trophy? We need to find that dress.
Hello, come in, come in, sorry! Bad timing, I'm just dissolving some sugar, I don't want it to burn.
Pear and ginger chutney, nice.
Yes, now the secret is a decent pan and a nice even simmer.
Are you making it to sell? That's the idea, yes.
I am the chutney king! A bit of a change of career.
So what can I do for you? I thought they'd done this? Doesn't hurt to do it again.
No, of course.
What happened here? Oh, that's ancient.
The joys of bringing up sons.
Right, I'll be in the greenhouse if you need me.
How long have Laurel and Gavin been staying? About two months.
She'd sold her flat, but they were looking for the right place to buy.
We think Laurel planned to change into a second dress at the reception, did she mention that? Like some kind of surprise reveal? I don't know? But that does sound very Laurel.
Are these all carnivorous plants? Mostly, yes.
Hazel and Noel used to call it creepy.
But Gavin appreciates them.
They're fascinating.
Does it close? No, no, no, most of these are pitcher plants.
Now with these, the insects, they just slide in, see? They want the nectar so much they ignore how slippery it is, and by the time they've gone inside, see their little insect friends dissolving in the juices, too late.
And this one's called Robert? Oh, no, Robert's the prison chaplain.
Now he wants one for his counseling sessions.
It's a metaphor, apparently, for addiction or something.
I wanted to ask you again about the wedding.
It seems unusual that you didn't attend the ceremony, even with the headache? Well, things haven't been easy since my release.
Our son, Noel, died when I was inside, epilepsy.
And when my family needed me, well, I just wasn't there for them.
It's, I don't know, do marriages recover from a thing like that? I think they can.
Anyway, I've been getting these panic attacks.
Is that what happened on Friday? In fact, that's what happened in the bedroom.
I think Hazel was trying to spare my blushes just now.
The damage to the wall? Yeah, well, not so much a panic attack, more of a temper-tantrum.
I was getting the bedroom ready for Laurel and Gavin to move in, hit my finger with a hammer and I just lost it.
He admits he's violent but he's got no obvious motive, has he? It's worth speaking to that chaplain and find out about Philip's time in prison.
I'll track him down.
I'm gonna have a chat with Serena Madison, see what she knows about those beads.
You off now, give my best to Sarah, won't you? Hazel, you are remembering this is a police investigation, aren't you? Obviously, I don't know what you? The fact that you know my wife won't get you off the hook if you lie to me.
Phil told me what really happened in there.
That he did it.
I'm sorry, it's been a stressful time.
But you're right, obviously.
Thank you.
You know, I never thought that Sarah would end up marrying you? I'm not sure how to take that? I don't mean it unkindly, I'm glad she did.
She seems happy.
I'll let you know if we need anything else.
Are they gone? I told Gavin we'd help him with the wedding fair.
Why did you contradict me? About the damage upstairs? Because you lied? What you said was a lie, too.
But they didn't believe you.
My lie was better! Well, they're beautiful.
They didn't come from here.
You're welcome to check my stock if you like, but half of it's already at the wedding fair for the catwalk show.
I saw you visited Gavin earlier today.
It just seemed like the right thing to do.
You were there to express sympathy then, nothing else? I was trying to be the bigger person, to be kind.
Do you have any idea how offensive this is? I'm simply asking the question.
No, I'm not gonna stand for this! Laurel is dead, so she is absolved of all sin yet I am the monster? Can we just remember who Laurel was for a moment? She knew that Gavin was engaged yet that didn't stop her.
She was a narcissist, and a bully, ask Juliet.
Juliet Evans? Yes, Laurel made her life hell over that wedding.
Even on the day itself, she was shouting at her about some chair covers or something.
Screaming at her in front of her entire staff, I mean, that's who Laurel was.
How do you know this? Juliet texted me.
May I see it? If you don't believe me.
Obviously, the way Juliet put it, she was joking.
I was blowing off steam.
I mean, this is a dream job, obviously, I get to be a part of all these amazing love stories.
But, it is stressful.
You had a public row with the victim and didn't tell us about it? Because it wasn't a big deal.
See her, looks nice, doesn't she, reasonable? Demanded 12 puppies died pink to match her flowers.
Oh, that bridegroom smacked the photographer for taking too many photos of the bride.
Honestly, in the grand scheme of bridezillas, Laurel wasn't that bad.
What can you tell us about the encryption on your laptop? I don't know what you mean? There's an unusually high level of security on it.
Well, I hold client's personal information, I have to take that seriously.
When did you have it installed? I don't remember, why? This is about my record, isn't it? We are aware you have a history of violence, yes.
It was seven years ago.
I caught my boyfriend cheating and, okay, I lashed out, but I'm not a violent person.
So, unless you're going to arrest me for sending a text, I think we're finished.
Well, that can't be good? What's that? It's Sarah, she's in the pub with Fleur.
Wants to know if we're coming to join them? Fleur, when did that start? No idea? It sounds like a terrifying alliance.
Thank you.
Five years in med school, six years post-grad and that's what I'm good for, butchering Bugs Bunny.
Well, was it useful, at least? We found a mobile number in the chip, so yeah, it might be.
So, I hear you're looking for a hunchbacked smoker who likes jazz? Among other things.
Well, Jordan Briggs likes jazz.
Really, how do you know? Well, I spent a bit of time on the radio station's Facebook page this afternoon.
A bit of time? Okay, well, several hours, but I was interested.
Anyway, there's seems to be this running joke where Laurel teases Jordan for being into jazz.
Several of the listeners thought they were flirting about it.
Can you look into that? You do it tomorrow.
But while we're at the bar, Sarah agreed to answer a question.
Oh, yes? Yesterday, you said that Hazel wasn't your biggest fan at university? I don't think I said that? Yeah, you did, you said it at the crime scene.
And it made me wonder, what were you like? And that was the first time that you laid eyes on him? Yep, he'd really gone for it.
Brown tights.
Paper mache shell, the works! Can I just point out this was a charity fundraising event in the student bar.
You seduced your wife while dressed as a tortoise, that's as much as I need to know.
He wanted to chat me up, but he waited 'til he saw me and Hazel leaving the bar.
Only, only he forgot he'd have to turn sideways to get through the door.
And he got stuck? I was wedged in by myself, Sarah had to help dislodge me.
And this worked for you, did it, as a courtship technique? I think I found it endearing.
Well, Hazel didn't did she? She told you not to go out with me 'cause I was weird.
That still bothers you, doesn't it? Well, it's not nice, or accurate.
Grace? I'm just getting changed, Dad.
Um, I'm not feeling too well, so I'm gonna go to bed.
Can I get you anything? Ah, it's just the time of the month.
Okay, um, 'night! 'Night! Did he twig? No, it's okay.
What's that? Pepper spray, just in case.
Is it legal? No, but it might be necessary.
Well, that's great, thank you, Reverend.
Cake for breakfast? It Sunday, it's allowed.
Was that the prison chaplain? Yeah, apparently Phil was the model prisoner.
Teaching literacy, helping at the farm shop.
Still goes back there most weeks.
What for? Some sort of mentoring scheme.
But the thing is, is his most recent visit was the morning of the wedding.
So that and the whole panic attack story? Sound like a lie to me.
He's got another visiting order this afternoon.
Perhaps we should join him? We'll need to talk to Gavin first, though, look at this.
You guys make such a cute couple and, Laurel, you look amazing! It's footage for the wedding video recorded at 10:39.
Behind her, see? It's Gavin.
Grace Briggs? Thought he was meant to be decorating the cottage? And the hotel are saying that the cottage wasn't accessed at all during the evening.
He wasn't there.
I've already told you I was at the cottage.
If their system didn't register my key card it must be faulty.
You were there from 10:30 to 11? I looked to my watch because I knew I couldn't take too long, this is all in my statement? How do you explain this then? Oh, her, I spoke to her on my way over there.
But this was 10 minutes after you said you arrived at the cottage? I thought you looked at your watch? Then I must have misremembered? I wasn't expecting to have to recall all this information, was I? It looks like you're arguing with her? I thought I saw her steal a bottle of champagne.
I had a go at her and then I thought better of it, it was all free with the magazine prize anyway.
But, to be clear, you're now changing your statement about your movements during the time of your wife's murder? It was a two minute conversation, I forgot about it, now I've remembered.
Did Laurel tell you she was going up to her hotel room? Did you know that she'd be there alone? So this is starting to get ridiculous now! Please, answer the question.
How 'bout you answer mine? What are you doing to investigate the harassment I reported months before her death? Do you know who was abusing her online? Who was leaving dead animals on our doorstep? I'd appreciate it if you'd put that down.
He's aggressive, he lied about his movements but we don't have a motive for him yet.
Did you see the bank statements that we got from him? He's got 15 grans worth of credit card debt.
But, if he wanted to inherit, he have been better off marrying Serena and killer her.
But he didn't, he walked away? Yeah, that's true.
Why didn't he tell us about his argument with Grace? It gives him an alibi for at least a part of the timeframe for Laurel's murder.
You think there's more to it? Let's find out where Grace is, there's obviously something he doesn't want us to know.
Hi.
I saw you were open so I thought I could give you a helping hand.
Thanks, Marcia, but you don't need too, Mum's helping.
Um, it's just that, Laurel was a good friend to me and I feel I've let her down.
All I could tell them was that there was someone smoking a cigarette.
Oh, that looks nasty.
Hazel, you okay? You're not, are you? Come here.
I'm just so worried about Gavin.
He won't talk, it's like he's shutting down.
I, I don't know what to say? You don't have to say anything, you're a brilliant mum, he knows you're there for him.
Thanks.
Look, if there's anything I can do, you will tell me, okay? Actually, there might be one thing.
Do you remember Marcia from the wedding? Grace is modeling in Serena's catwalk show.
Fashion, Main Hall.
Over there.
Ladies, this is your five minute warning.
The bridal fashion show was our most popular event yesterday, so take your seats.
Let see if Grace is backstage? Excuse me? I need to speak to you.
Our listeners know about Laurel, we're gettin' calls.
I don't know what I can tell them? Okay, hold on.
You talk to Grace on your own.
Oh, it was just one little bottle of champagne.
You're not gonna arrest me, are you, Officer? How long were you talking to Gavin? A minute or two.
I thought he was gonna have me fired but he told me to keep it.
Did you see where he went afterwards? No, I went back inside, I was getting people out for the fireworks.
Earlier in the day, did you witness a confrontation between Juliet Evans and the bride? Oh, the chair cover thing? Yeah, that was hilarious! Juliet seemed like she was gonna smack her! She has a temper then? She keeps it together at work, must have a voodoo doll of a bride or something at home? Your father doesn't seem too happy about you working with her? Yeah, well, if I earn my own money, he can't control me, can he? He can't just buy me a handbag and pretend that makes him father of the year.
Did you dad get on with Laurel? Sorry for interrupting, we're starting.
You've got my number.
If you'd like to know Jordan's dirty little secrets, we should have a chat.
The man's a grade A hypocrite.
In what way? Come and find me after the show.
Marcia, hi! Oh, what a lovely surprise! Oh, come in! Hello! We get all sorts of crazy speculation on our Facebook page, but there was definitely no flirting, not on Laurel's part, anyway.
But Jordan? I'm sure he's tried it on her at some point, he can't help himself.
Why do you think he pulled out of the wedding? That was his chance to prove he could do the show without Laurel.
He wanted to get rid of her, too? In Jordan's head, it's always been his show.
What an incredible collection! And now, the designer of these stunning gowns, Miss Serena Madison! She's been shot! Come on, babe.
The paramedics tried to save her, but she was declared dead 30 minutes ago.
We think that was the weapon.
A confetti gun? Yeah, it used pressurized gas to force the confetti out.
It looks like someone rigged it.
These were on the runway.
Paramedics said that there were several in her chest.
Right, right, number two.
Let's have a look.
Whoever interfered with that cannon must have known that Serena would stand directly in front of it.
Did she do the same show yesterday? Yeah, to a packed hall, apparently.
Right.
We're assuming this is connected to Laurel's murder? I think we have to, at least for now.
Have we located Serena's mobile yet, or her wallet? She had a bag with her backstage.
Phone.
Purse.
And these, same as the one Laurel had? Even a whole stack of them? So, Serena was Madam X? Whatever that means? Well, it could be a madam as in, you know, a madam? A brothel keeper? I suppose we can't rule it out.
Either way, we need to speak to Jordan Briggs.
I hardly knew Serena, are you sure it was me she was talking about? Positive.
Well, maybe, maybe she didn't like something I said on air? It happens.
Am I allowed to go and comfort my daughter now? Go ahead.
Serena knew something damaging about him, it wasn't just something he said on air.
Let's get searches organized for her property, see if that turns anything up? And find out who benefits from Serena's will, because someone's about to win the lottery.
If you gave me longer than 10 minutes, I might have something for you.
Just, initial findings? I've pulled eight of those out of her torso so far.
They acted like bullets.
Most likely, cause of death was catastrophic injury to the pulmonary artery.
They're just ball bearings.
Easy enough to get hold off.
Her organ health was notably poor for a woman of her age.
Heart and kidneys in particular.
Was she ill? It's consistent with long term drug use.
Given the slight damage to her septum, I say she had a regular cocaine habit.
Hello? Oh, I spoke to Serena's lawyer.
She had an appointment next Thursday to revise her will.
But, as it stands, Gavin inherits everything.
I assumed she changed it? She was planning to, four days later and you'd get nothing.
There was no way I could have known that? I can think of several ways.
This is startin' to feel like harassment.
Two women with very close links to you have been murdered in the past 48 hours and you stand to gain from both their deaths.
You think I gained from Laurel's death? We know you're in debt, Gavin.
Laurel recently sold her flat, so put that together with the inheritance from Serena and you're a rich man.
I can't believe we're even having this conversation.
Sorry, Sir, can I have a word? We've recovered Gavin's deleted emails.
Three weeks ago, he was sent this.
Grace Briggs again? It was sent from this anonymous web account.
There's just a phone number.
I don't need to see it again.
It wasn't It wasn't what? I was gonna say it wasn't my fault, but of course it was.
It was a test and I failed it.
A test? A honey trap.
Laurel knew I'd messed around in the past, I guess she just needed reassurance? Laurel paid Grace to seduce you? Not directly.
Grace worked for some sort of agency.
The first I knew about it was this email, a thousand pounds to make it go away.
And you paid? Yeah, Grace said she'd tell them nothing happened and I'd never have to see her again and there she was at my wedding.
So that's what your row was about? She was tryin' to apologize, so I told her what I thought about it and she threw champagne all over me.
And then? I went to the nearest bathroom to dry my shirt.
That's where I was until the fireworks.
You lied? I was ashamed.
And then you got Grace to back you up with that story about stealing champagne? How much did she want for that? Another 500.
Though I know I should have been straight with you, I guess, I just, I wanted to keep pretending.
Pretending? That I would have been a good husband.
Faithful.
I just can't do it, even for Laurel.
One way or another I would have messed it up.
Even if that's true, he still doesn't have an alibi at the crucial time.
If anything, it gives him more motive.
Maybe Laurel found out he'd cheated and confronted him? And then, he killed Serena two days later for the money? Or because Serena somehow knew that he'd killed Laurel? You okay? Don't let your mother see you drinking too much.
You'll only upset her.
What upset her, Dad, is you abandoning us for two years.
And now you're out, we're still waiting for you to pull yourself together.
Well, I'm trying, Gavin.
It's not easy.
This isn't trying! This is pathetic! I don't sleep with them or anything and they can always turn me down.
Who sent you out to trap Gavin? I can't say.
Why not? Because Madam X wouldn't like it? This is a business card for the honey trap agency, isn't it? Who was running it, Serena? No, she was just another honey.
There are about 10 of us.
All employed by Madam X? Two women are dead.
I know.
So why are you shrugging your shoulders at me? You're not so loyal to this Madam X that you wouldn't blackmail her targets.
So, tell me who she is? Seriously, I can't.
Why is your father so upset about you waitressing for Juliet Evans? He found out the full extent of your work for her, didn't he? Juliet Evans is Madam X.
He acted like it was sex work or something.
When did Juliet recruit you? I've been waitressing for her since I was 17, and I always get hit on by some drunk uncle or whatever, and when I turned 18, she said I could make some money out of it.
It's just a bit of fun.
Did you talk to Laurel at the wedding? Tell her about Gavin? Oh, no! This is important! As far as Laurel was concerned, I was just another waitress.
Juliet won't find out I told you this, will she? Are you frightened of Juliet? No, it's just, when Serena threatened to expose her, she went crazy.
It's just ringing out.
Okay, let's try her office.
What about Philip Webster's prison visit? You still want to monitor that? Yes, you go, I'll catch up with you when I've spoken to Juliet Evans.
It's all perfectly legal.
Hardly a compliment to your other business, though, does it? Day one of happy ever after? Divorced, divorced, separated, bigamist.
Do this job long enough, you start to see the gap in the market.
So the Madam X persona, that's to keep things separate? Precisely, we offer them a referral to a trusted contact.
Hence, the encryption on your laptop? When did Laurel ask you to test Gavin? Well, she didn't, I gave her a card but she was offended.
Then, her maid of honor got in touch.
Aisha Khalique? She wanted to check if her friend was making a mistake.
And Laurel never found out? Well, no, Grace said he passed.
How was I to know she was lying through her teeth? If this little sideline ever came to light? It would take some explaining.
Wasn't Serena threatening to expose it? We had a disagreement, it was resolved.
What was the problem? All my honeys have their reasons for doing this, but for Serena it was like a moral crusade.
We had a few incidents.
Such as? Screaming at men who'd been unfaithful, befriending clients.
But Serena had the power to destroy your business? Like I said, it was resolved, we were friends.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to leave it at that.
My next set of lovebirds.
Through here, Sir.
Thank you.
Have I missed anything? Nothing much.
He went straight into the farm shop.
That's one of the inmates that he's mentoring.
What's the setup here? Low security, category D.
The farm shop's run by the inmates that are approaching release.
Oh, hold on.
Can we stay with him, please? What's he doing? He swapped the jars? Get someone to detain him, now.
They didn't get there in time, he's gone.
Pear and ginger.
It's the stuff he was making at home.
That's not ginger.
You know what that is, don't you? The test strip turns blue in the presence of cocaine.
I didn't have any choice.
I'm not interested in that.
The drug squad have been informed.
I just want to know how long you've been doing this? Since my release, about three months.
So, while Laurel was living here? Oh, no, she didn't know anything about it! What about Serena Madison? Was she involved? No, of course not! I don't know who was running things, I just do what I'm told.
Which is what, exactly? Well, a courier delivers the stuff and then I cook it into the chutney and they tell me when to visit.
No? You promised! Sorry! There are boys in there trying to get clean, what hope do they have with you bringing that filth in? You knew about this? Oh, only since Friday, we had a break in and he didn't want me going to the police.
He promised he wouldn't do it again! Well, what do you want me to do? It's not as if people are queuing up to employ me? You have to give it time.
When people look at me they see a criminal.
It doesn't matter what I do so why bother? If that's what they think I am then that's what I'll be.
Assuming these murders are linked, was Serena killed because she knew the identity of Laurel's killer or because of some other connection between them? The only obviously common ground is Gavin and the radio station.
There was no suggestion that anyone was trolling Serena.
No, although, the murderer might have used the trolling as a smoke screen with Laurel? Well, Gavin was pretty keen for us to focus on it, wasn't he? Yeah, I guess.
There's something about Jordan and Serena, though.
She's boasting about his dirty secrets and five minutes later she's dead.
But, his alibi for Laurel is watertight.
If Jordan's involved, he's not working alone.
Aisha Khalique lives in Little Denton, doesn't she? Why is that relevant? That's where the owners of that pet rabbit live.
They're saying that it was run over outside their house and by the time they went out to deal with it, it disappeared.
This is absurd, why would I send dead animals to my best friend? You deny taking this from the road near your house? Yes, I deny it! I need to make you aware that we have a warrant to search your home.
What, now? Well, it won't be a problem, will it? You have nothing to do with this, so it's not as if we're gonna find hairs from the animal, any of its DNA? I think I'd like to speak to a lawyer.
That's fine, in the meantime we'll go ahead with the search.
I wasn't trying to hurt her.
But you did send the packages? Why, were you jealous? No, not jealous.
I was in love with her.
When she started to get these nasty comments online, she turned to me for support and I liked it.
So, I wrote some myself.
And then things just got out of hand.
That's why you arranged the honey trap for Gavin? You wanted to break them up.
He didn't deserve her.
But you did? Did you ever tell Laurel how you felt about her? No.
You didn't tell her at the wedding? Because you wouldn't have taken that rejection well, would you? I'm telling the truth, I promise.
If you told the truth, we wouldn't be in this position.
But as it is, your lies have seriously hampered the search for Laurel's killer! Long day? Can we not talk about it for a minute? Okay? I better not tell you who that jazz dedication was for, then.
What? I mean, if you'd rather just switch off? Who was it for? Well, I bumped into Hazel earlier and she asked me to have a word with Marcia about giving them some space.
You hardly know Marcia? Well, I do now, I was there for three hours.
She was telling me about her husband, Eddie, who played saxophone in a jazz quartet.
He died a year ago to the day of Laurel's final show.
Oh, you brilliant woman.
It wasn't difficult, I just listened and smiled.
Come on, then.
What? Where we going? To continue your excellent detective work, she trusts you.
I'm sorry to call so late.
Oh, it's fine, really.
Would you like sugar in your hot chocolate? Not for me, thanks.
Here we are.
Let me take those.
Why did you lie to me, Marcia? That dedication was for you.
Marcia, if you know something you have to tell us.
I didn't want people to think badly of her.
She only did it to help me.
What did she do? He weighed seven stone, he was in so much pain, I couldn't let him go on like that! Did Laurel help Eddie to die? She got hold of the drug, that's all.
I mean, all the rest was me.
We lay in bed and I held him just like I have for 62 years.
I'm so sorry, Marcia.
You're worried, aren't you? Because you have to report it.
But, that's all right.
Whatever happens, I know I did right for him.
Thanks again, Molly.
I'm ready to take your calls, this is yours truly, Jordan Briggs, on Midsomer FM.
Percy was a little angel, apparently.
Not a peep.
You okay? Oh, and we have a winner, thickest caller so far with, ooh, 17 prat points coming your way.
Sorry.
Not in the mood for people arguing.
She was right.
I will have to report it.
I know.
Unbelievable.
Are you actually vetting these people? I'm doing my best.
Really, well that's a worry.
Late Talk with Jordan Briggs, this is Aisha.
You're listening to Jordan Briggs who would like to remind you that this is a special Sunday edition of our program.
Part of a day of tributes to our friend and colleague, Laurel Newman, who was, sadly, taken from us on Friday night.
I'll be back with more of your calls after the midnight news.
Radio Midsomer Good morning, and happy Monday.
Welcome to a new week, we've got a packed schedule for you today on Midsomer FM.
It's definitely her car over there.
And I think that is a part of her shirt.
So, she jumped? It's starting to look that way.
'Cause she was guilty of two murders? Or because of the shame she felt about the trolling? I was hard on her yesterday.
That's not your fault.
No, I'm not saying that, but.
Fleur, is there any anti-climb paint on her pants or clothes? No, and I need to talk to you about this lividity.
You see the way it's started to fix here? That suggests she was laying on her side after her death, not on her back.
So, she was killed elsewhere and moved.
Her shift finished at 1 a.
m.
And she logged out at 1:05.
And then I've got her leaving the car park at 1:17.
I need a list of calls for last night's show and a log of her computer activity.
Hang on, she seems to have accessed our dead air bank.
What's that? It's for emergencies, we keep eight hours of pre-recorded material all ready to go.
But now it seems there's only seven hours left.
She used an hour last night? No, no she accessed the file last night, but the hour was played between 10:30 and 11:30 p.
m.
on Friday.
When Jordan was broadcasting alone.
Get Friday night up on there.
Ah, there he is, 10:33.
He lied about his alibi for Laurel's murder.
And the last thing Aisha did was discover that.
Go through his email and get his vehicle on ANPR.
Yes, Sir.
Well, he didn't come home last night and he's not answering the phone.
Excuse me.
Hey! Hey, you can't just Dad, call me as soon as you get this, the police are here.
He's not here.
Did we have a connection between Jordan Briggs and Philip Webster? No, why? Well, Philip's been emailing him, except the email's don't say anything.
He just sends a number, like on Friday, it was 11, and then yesterday, 17.
What time is yesterday's email? Quarter past five.
So, after Philip's prison visit, but before he knew we were on to him? It was 17 grams he smuggled yesterday, wasn't it? And 17 in the email.
And you think he's telling Jordan the weight of the drugs, why? Because prisoners don't have phones, at least they're not supposed to, but they do have radios.
You know that prat points thing that Jordan does on his show? It was 17 last night.
17 prat points to the caller means 17 grams in the chutney.
If you're running drugs in a prison, you want to know exactly how much is coming in.
I'll call you back.
Hi.
Hi? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you.
I just thought you might not feel like cooking.
It's really kind, come in.
Really, I don't want to intrude? I could do with the company.
Okay.
I'm telling you, I wasn't anywhere near that wedding.
But you admit leaving the radio station on Friday night? You admit lying and you admit that Aisha confronted you about it.
I know how it looks, but I It looks like Laurel died because she knew something about you.
The same thing that Serena knew.
You'd seen those packages, so you tied a ribbon around Laurel's tongue to make us think it was the troll.
Is that why you left Aisha at the radio mast, too? What happened to Aisha? Come on, really? Aisha was found dead this morning.
Oh, my God! No, I, I honestly didn't know, she said she was going to the police, I thought that was why you were here? She never made it to the police station.
I, I told her everything, but she, she didn't believe me.
So where did you go on Friday night? Phil Webster's house.
I was breaking in.
It, it, it's it's complicated.
I'm a reasonably intelligent person, I'll do my best to follow it.
He's been blackmailing me.
I did something silly a few months ago, I got my daughter to take a few speeding points for me.
The problem was, Grace has therapy sessions with Hazel Webster, has done since her mother died So, Grace told Hazel, Hazel told Philip and Philip forced you to broadcast messages about drugs, your prat points catchphrase? Yeah, but I had no idea it was drugs, that's why I broke in, I wanted to know what was going on? Can you prove what time you broke in? No, but I'm telling the truth.
Then the fact remains, Aisha died after discovering that your alibi for Laurel's murder was fake.
She was going to the police, you wanted to stop her.
Listen, please Is that why Serena died, too? I don't know? Did she discover that you were lying? I don't know what Serena had on me? I told Serena Grace! About the speeding points, it must have been that, Dad.
You need to go upstairs, Grace.
I'm sorry.
But you didn't do this! Grace! And you can prove it! What are you talking about? The, the camera thing! On the dashboard! Yes, of course.
Oh my God, the dash cam.
Hmm, 10:47.
He's telling the truth.
So we're back to the beginning.
It was someone at that wedding.
No second dress in any of these.
You still think that's relevant? I honestly don't know anymore? Oh, hang on.
Somethings old.
Something new.
Something blue.
Are you meant to have something borrowed as well? I think so, usually.
No, you definitely are.
Sarah borrowed.
Sarah borrowed her veil.
What if that's what Laurel did for her evening outfit? How would that make a difference? Oh, we assumed that the dress was missing because it had DNA on it, or the murderer wanted a trophy.
But what if they took it back because it belonged to them? Maybe? I guess, if the murderer lent Laurel the dress then they knew that she planned to get changed.
They knew that she would be alone.
Laurel was meant to be here next, wasn't she? She wanted photos in her dress in front of the projection screen.
Not the nicest of locations? There must be a reason? What was on that screen? Great-Grandmother-in-law, I'd guess.
Then, several decades later, mother-in-law.
Gold-beaded dress.
Well, that'd be Mum and Dad back.
Okay, well, I'll just say a quick hello and then I better get going.
Hazel? Hi! Hi.
I just came to see how you were all doing? But then I remembered Betty's playdate finishes at three, so.
Is everything okay? Yes.
Just, I didn't know you'd started smoking again? We had such a hard time giving up at uni.
I've got to go.
No, no, no don't.
Let me go! Please let me explain! What's going on, Mother? You need to let me explain! Mum! Get off me! Hazel, no! Mum, let go of her! Hazel! Hazel! Let me go! Get off me! Hazel, this has gone too far! You need to let me explain.
No, no, no, Sarah, you have to listen.
Get off her! Hazel Webster, I'm arresting you for the murders of Laurel Newman, Serena Madison and Aisha Khalique, and for the assault of my wife.
Three women, Hazel.
Three, young women.
Say, something, what the hell is wrong with you? Gavin, no! You knew about this? Not at the beginning, and I'm sorry! This is my youngest, Noel.
Noel, of course, this is about Noel.
How many times? Laurel had nothing to do with his death.
Your son didn't die from an epileptic seizure, did he? No, he was an addict.
He wouldn't just overdose.
He'd moved into his own flat, he'd been clean for months.
Then he went back to it, that's what it means to be an addict.
And you blamed Laurel for Noel's death? She never understood what we were trying to do.
But he was training to be a doctor.
It's all he ever wanted.
What were you trying to do? He was incredibly talented.
And Hazel, well, we both thought that if we could just get him into recovery, keep it in the family, it wouldn't have to ruin his future.
He could just suspend his studies.
You were hiding his addiction? They facilitated it, they bought him drugs.
Only so we could control it.
You have to reduce it gradually.
And when that didn't work, he locked him into his room to detox until he punched a hole in the wall.
We were trying to do the right thing.
They spent every penny they had.
Ask him why the house is for sale? Why he committed fraud? And why you were so willing to smuggle drugs into a prison.
We owed money to some dangerous people.
Noel's dealer, they said that was the only way to pay them back.
So, Laurel objected to this secret rehab? She always had an opinion.
She went on and on about how, "Some people can't be saved and don't want to be.
" Like it was her catch phrase or something.
And that was your proof, was it, Mum? That was enough for you to kill my wife? Something was never right.
She was the one who found the body.
And then, the night before the wedding, I heard her show.
She was talking about euthanasia.
She said it again, "Some people can't be saved "and don't want to be.
" That's how she felt about Noel.
That he shouldn't be alive.
So you set out to kill her? No, I was willing to kill her, I set out to get the truth! You'd arranged to lend her a dress, hadn't you? But instead of helping her get changed, you tortured her.
I thought she'd killed Noel.
I only wanted to know the truth.
She said it wasn't her.
She said Serena encouraged him, taking him on drug binges, as revenge for what his brother did to her.
She could have been making that up.
No, she wasn't.
I looked back at Noel's phone and the texts between them, that made sense.
Well, if you believed Laurel why didn't you let her go? It was too late, she's still moving, I didn't know what to do? You knew exactly what to do.
You cut the ribbon from Laurel's corset and tied it around her tongue to mislead us.
And then you moved on to Serena.
You'd seen her first catwalk show and you were helping Gavin.
You knew she'd be in the firing line.
But why did Aisha have to die? No, she didn't, that was an accident, I swear.
I'm sorry.
I just needed to talk to Hazel.
I knew that she hadn't been where she said she'd been when Laurel died.
She told me everything.
And then there was this noise out on the balcony.
Tell Gavin for God's Shh, shh! She'd obviously heard everything.
What are you doing here? I, I was just What are you doing here, Aisha? Jordan Briggs said he broke in on Friday night, he said he was here.
I'm sorry, I just, I just What are you doing here, Aisha? I just wanted to see if it was true? Aisha, Aisha? Oh! I needed to stop her from leaving but I didn't want to hurt her.
She fell! I don't expect you to forgive me, Gavin.
Shut up, just stop talking.
You have no idea how wrong you are! How stupid! Laurel wasn't the one who found Noel, it was me.
And you know what, he was still alive.
No? Last time he overdosed, he said he wished he hadn't come back, remember? He didn't mean that! He did! Because he could see it, even if you couldn't! He was never getting better, he was gonna keep bringing you to your knees time and time again, he was destroying you.
Gavin, what did you do to him? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
I just walked away.
And you know why I did that? For you.
Right, we got burgers, sausages and beer.
John, did you manage to get the ice? Betty, where's your Daddy? There! Oh, hi.
We came across this when we were digging out the barbeque stuff.
Look! It still fits! We're you just roaring? Ah, yeah.
I tried to tell her that tortoises don't make much noise, but you wanted roaring, didn't you, so! So, we're gonna have a race now, the tortoise versus the hare, like in your story book.
You see, this is why I married him.
Whatever works for you, I'm not here to judge.
Then keep it to yourselves, any talk of this down at the station and I'll know where it came from.
I don't think anyone would believe us? Come on, then.
On your marks, Betty.
Get set, go!