Arthur (1996) s22e01 Episode Script

1
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Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪
Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view ♪
(laughing)
And I say hey ♪
Hey!
What a wonderful
kind of day ♪
If we could learn
to work and play ♪
And get along
with each other ♪
You got to listen to your
heart, listen to the beat ♪
Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪
Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪
Get together
and make things better ♪
By working together ♪
It's a simple message,
and it comes from the heart ♪
Believe in yourself,
for that's the place to start ♪
And I say hey ♪
Hey!
What a wonderful
kind of day ♪
If we could learn
to work and play ♪
And get along
with each other ♪
Hey!
What a wonderful kind of day ♪
Hey!
What a wonderful
kind of day ♪
Hey!
Hey, D.W.!
Hey!
Whoa
(crash)
(bell ringing)
♪
Good morning, class.
Did everyone enjoy the reading
on lichens
and liverworts?
Oh, yeah!
They should make a movie.
RATBURN:
Excellent.
Then this pop quiz should be
a breeze.
(all groaning)
BINKY:
Come on!
Oh!
(phone ringing
with wedding tone)
(pushing button)
Hello, Patty.
I'm afraid I can't talk
right now.
Oh, flower arrangements?
I was thinking of
sunflowers.
Yes, sunflowers do look
a little silly,
but perhaps pink?
Yes, white is more elegant.
Thank you, Patty.
Goodbye.
(pushing button)
It was very rude of me to take
that call.
But it was important.
Are the flowers
on the quiz too?
No, they're for a wedding.
A wedding?
Who's getting married?
(chuckles, wedding music
playing, ends abruptly)
Me.
(gasping)
FRANCINE:
"Mr. Ratburn
and the Special Someone."
♪
Teachers don't get married.
It's just wrong.
I guess they do have
some sort of life
outside the classroom.
No, they don't.
When they go home,
They sharpen pencils, eat kale,
and dream up
homework assignments.
(munching)
(evilly):
A 4,000-word essay
on the color grey!
(laughing maniacally)
(coughing)
They don't even sleep.
They just go
into low-power mode
and watch documentaries.
That's ridiculous.
But who on earth would want
to marry Mr. Ratburn?
(door opens, gasps)
RATBURN:
How about this table, Patty?
That one has better light.
(all gasping)
♪
Green tea, steeped for precisely
three-and-a-half minutes,
an order of dry white toast,
and some clean silverware.
(gasping)
(awkwardly):
Coffee, please.
Now, what did you think
of the caterer we met?
That salmon mousse he gave us
was delicious.
(scoffs):
I wouldn't feed it
to a stray cat.
And I don't even like cats.
We'll keep looking.
Patty, not everything
about the event has to be,
well perfect.
Nigel, do you really want
an A-minus wedding?
I must confess,
I expected more of you.
You're too soft,
Nigey.
Too easygoing.
We need
to toughen you up.
(gasping, Buster munching)
You just leave everything
to Patty.
(sipping)
I said
three-and-a-half minutes.
This is
two-and-three-quarters.
FRANCINE:
We need ideas, people.
Ideas!
If Mr. Ratburn marries
Patty,
our lives are toast.
BUSTER:
Unbuttered toast.
Like she ordered.
And sent back twice.
She did seem
kind of harsh,
but we don't really know her.
That's not the point!
She said she was going
to toughen Mr. Ratburn up.
Can you imagine
what a tougher Mr. Ratburn
would be like?
Here's my homework, Mr. Ratburn.
Is that a
misplaced comma?!
Oh!
(gasps)
Bad grammar make Ratburn
angry!
(roaring)
Ratburn give even more homework!
(roaring,
Arthur screaming)
Okay,
how do we stop
this wedding?
What if Mr. Ratburn
was the exact opposite
of what Patty was looking for?
Someone like this.
BUSTER (gasps):
Where did you find that photo?
I made it
with HippieMorph.
It's a new app
that turns anyone
into a hippie.
See?
BUSTER:
Wow.
(Muffy pushing button)
I really like that look.
Great idea, Muffy.
But just a photo
might not be enough.
Here's what
we're going to do;
we're going to
(whispering)
♪
ARTHUR (forced):
Oh, Buster!
I haven't slept in days!
I think
my schoolwork will suffer.
Oh, no!
What is wrong,
Arthur?
It's this book.
Kate will never sleep again
if we don't read it
to her.
But we can't do
the characters.
BUSTER:
Oh, if only you knew
of an actor you could record.
Like someone
who did voices
for puppets.
(clearing throat):
I might be able to help.
♪
MUFFY:
There.
Mr. Ratburn 2.0.
(sipping, door opens)
♪
(whispering):
He's not who you think he is.
♪
Hmm.
(door opens, closes)
RATBURN (on speakers):
Oh, little uni-penguin,
so soft and sweet.
I love your pretty horn,
and your itty-bitty feet.
♪
Well?
Does she look
heartbroken?
Or super angry?
(laughing)
ARTHUR:
She's laughing.
Now she's sending
back
the toast.
Something tells me
she's not going to call
the wedding off.
(sighs):
Looks like we'll have to move
to Plan B.
You really think
this will work?
Sure.
Mr. Ratburn and Ms. Turner are
a perfect match.
They both love books
and libraries, and
books.
We just have
to make him see
that she's a much better fit
for him than Miss Meanie.
Welcome to Patrick's.
Chocolates
for any occasion,
or just because
you love chocolate.
Free sample?
Mmm.
Mmm.
What is that?
Semi-dark organic
Mexican chocolate,
hazelnut-flavored caramel,
and a hint of orange zest.
I call it the Frida Kahlo.
We'll take it.
Shall I gift wrap it?
Or if it's just for you,
I'll give you some napkins
and a glass of milk.
(chuckles):
No, it's for our teacher.
And our librarian.
Ah, some of my favorite people.
Can I ask
what the occasion is?
We're trying to get them
to be couple.
Hmm.
I'm a big believer in chocolate,
but I'm not sure
it can make people fall in love.
We're desperate.
Gotcha.
Well, I hope love wins out.
Good luck.
♪
(bell ringing)
(murmuring)
Hey, Mr. Ratburn,
there's a special exhibit
at the library on liverwurst.
He means liverworts--
you know,
the fascinating plant
you gave us
that super-fun quiz on?
Want to go?
(chuckling):
That Ms. Turner.
She makes
the best exhibits.
Yeah, I bet
there'll be chocolate
and non-alcoholic
champagne.
I'd love to,
but what with
the wedding preparations,
I'm too busy.
Oh, would you mind returning
this library book for me?
♪
"Love Poems"
by Pablo Neruda.
Ooh!
That gives me an idea.
Where's Mr. Ratburn?
(whispering):
He couldn't make it.
But Muffy improvised.
Hi, Ms. Turner.
Mr. Ratburn wanted me
to return this to you.
Personally.
"My dear Paj Tuner.
"You are a book to me,
"A book I can't not put down.
"Will you make me happy?
"And erase this winkled frown?
"Shine on me
like the loonely moon above
"And together we will build
a liberry,
"A liberry of love.
Nigal Ratburn."
♪
(pen scratching)
(Ms. Turner
clearing throat)
Huh?
♪
"A Beginners Guide
to Writing Poetry."
(all sighing)
Is there a Plan C?
♪
Hmm?
MUFFY:
We got one too.
It looks like we're all going
to a wedding.
Or as I like to think
of it,
"Dawn of
the Toughest Teacher Ever."
There is this part in a wedding
where they ask
if anybody objects?
Yeah,
I saw that on TV!
If someone objects,
the wedding is over.
Then the bride flies away
on a giant cricket!
Huh?
Huh?
It was in a "Dark Bunny."
But I think the law is accurate.
It might be worth
a try.
But we'd have to do it
together.
I'm in.
♪
We care for our teacher,
and he deserves to be happy
To be with someone who is nice,
kind, fun to be with
Someone who likes him
just the way he is.
For all these reasons,
we object to this union.
Ah, the Frenskys.
(gasps)
Welcome!
We're so glad you're here.
Especially you.
Nigel considers his students
to be part of his family.
I guess that makes us family
too.
Ooh!
Ah, the Lundgrens!
Welcome!
Doesn't the bride usually hide
until the big moment?
She probably just doesn't trust
anyone to do a good enough job.
♪
Huh?
Huh?
Welcome friends.
Oh, I am so happy to be sharing
this day with all of you,
especially
Nigel's third-grade class.
(coughing)
PATTY:
Yes?
Is there something
you'd like to share?
BUSTER (tentatively):
Yes.
We
Uh
PATTY:
Go on.
You can say anything you like.
We
(quickly):
think this tent looks
beautiful.
Thank you.
But nothing is too good
for my baby brother Nigey.
(all gasping)
(sobbing)
Now Rodentia,
don't be jealous.
I'll officiate
at your wedding too.
(playing "Cello Suite No. 1"
by J.S. Bach)
But, if Patty's his sister,
then
Who is Mr. Ratburn marrying?
(sobbing)
("Cello Suite No. 1" continues)
(dance music playing)
Mmm.
(mouth full):
This is the best cake
I've ever had.
I wonder how many times
Patty sent it back?
Who cares?
It was worth it.
Mr. Ratburn is married.
I still can't believe it.
Yep.
It's a brand-new world.
But there's one thing that
teachers should never, ever do.
What?
(funk music playing)
(crowd cheers)
ALL:
Dance!
KIDS:
And now, a word from us kids.
Hi, my name is London.
MS. MELLO:
We are going to be
writing letters.
STUDENT:
My teacher is Ms. Mello,
and she is very nice.
♪
She just got married.
She married Patrick.
I think it's funny
that Mr. Ratburn got married
to a Patrick,
like my teacher got married
to a Patrick.
MS. MELLO:
I have a really important person
in my life,
and you are all really important
to me in my life.
And so if those two people are
really important in my life,
they should probably know
each other.
STUDENT 2:
We're writing letters
to Patrick.
So that he can get to know us.
HELUCA:
"Dear Patrick,
My name is Heluca,
and I love dogs."
"I love sports.
"I also like pizza.
Do you like pizza?"
MS. MELLO:
And can anyone guess
who might be coming today
for a luncheon?
STUDENTS:
Patrick!
We're going to see him
for the first time.
STUDENT 1:
I want to meet Patrick,
because he's a important person
in Ms. Mello's life.
♪
STUDENT 3:
It's almost time
for Patrick.
STUDENTS:
Hi, Patrick!
Hi, how are you?
And then he visits every table.
ALL:
Hi, Patrick.
Hey, guys, how are we?
We're having a playdate
with him.
MS. MELLO:
They have lots of questions
for you.
What position did you play
in college baseball?
First base and outfield.
How old are you?
I am 27 years old.
Are you a teacher?
I am a teacher.
I teach at the Healey School
in Somerville.
That's a good job.
Thank you, I agree.
We got to learn more about him.
LONDON:
We had a great day,
and we made a new friend.
Patrick.
♪
KIDS:
And now, back to "Arthur"!
(electronic music playing
on radio)
ARTHUR:
Mom, can you change
the station?
Hey, I like this music!
It sounds like noise.
Sometimes it seems like people
can argue about anything.
What happened
to the blue cheese dressing?
We got ranch instead.
It's better.
Ranch is gross!
Blue cheese is icky!
And, of course, eventually,
no one will care what
the argument was even about.
Or will they?
Not ranch dressing again!
Even my droid thinks
it's gross.
(beeping angrily)
Oh, yeah?
Well, my droid thinks this.
(beeping angrily)
That's droid for "icky."
(sighs)
BINKY:
"The Feud."
♪
Got you now,
Dr. Aardvarkian!
(acceleration sound effect
playing)
A-hah!
Ooh.
Nice try.
You'll never stop me!
Oh, yeah?
How about that?
(sound effects fade)
Hey!
What did you just do?
The machine froze.
Nothing's happening.
♪
Careful!
Don't unplug it!
Huh?
Did you do that on purpose?
You think I would do that
on purpose?
I just thought
since I was winning.
(scoffs):
You were winning?
Yeah,
I had more bonus points.
I still hadn't used
my mega-leap.
That's why you froze the screen
on purpose.
I wouldn't even know
how to do that if I wanted to.
I'm leaving!
♪
(bird crowing)
(Western film music playing)
MUFFY:
Is that what he told you?
(all gasping)
(Western film music continues)
(determined exhalation)
You froze that on purpose!
I did not!
You knew I was going to win!
Ha!
You couldn't beat me
even if you were on level four.
I even gave you
a better control set.
You lost!
I didn't lose!
BOTH:
Forget it,
there's no point talking to you!
♪
What was that all about?
Buster knew that I had
the inside track
and that there was no way
he could pass me.
BUSTER:
We've played 100 times,
and Arthur's
never beaten me.
So guess what he did?
He reset the game.
On purpose!
No!
He froze the game.
On purpose!
I can't believe it.
(sighing):
Some people do things
like that
when they're losing.
Don't worry, Arthur.
I'm on your side.
Don't worry, Buster,
I've got your back.
So Buster unplugged the machine
so he wouldn't lose.
FRANCINE:
That's not what happened.
Arthur jammed the machine
and then blamed Buster.
MUFFY:
I don't believe that
for a second.
It's just like you
to choose sides
without hearing
the full story.
Oomph.
Can you believe Muffy?
She just leapt to conclusions
and sided with Arthur.
What?
Francine's the one
who leapt to conclusions.
Arthur's been such a good friend
to Buster.
He really deserves better.
If Arthur had just admitted
he was wrong,
it never would have gotten
so out of control.
(Francine and Muffy grunt
angrily at each other)
♪
Buster!
Over here.
This is Team Buster.
That's Team Arthur
over there.
Team Arthur?
Oh, don't worry.
Team Buster is just
as big.
And we're right.
But why is everyone
divided
into Team Arthur
and Team Buster?
Well, Arthur cheated
when you were playing
the "Dark Bunny" video game,
and we all think
cheating is wrong.
Unlike some people.
Now, come on.
MUFFY:
Stay away
from our fort!
You stay away
from our fort.
We were here first.
That's it.
We're building
a barricade.
Right here.
Oh, no, you're not!
'Cause we're building
a barricade.
And we thought of it first.
♪
Uh
Why is everyone
at separate tables?
Where have you been?
I was absent yesterday.
We're all on Team Buster,
because we think
Buster won the videogame.
That's Team Arthur.
They all think Arthur won
erroneously, I might add.
So you won't even have lunch
together?
Because of a game?
You have to pick a side,
Binky.
Muffy's right
for once in her life.
Pick a side.
Buster or Arthur?
Hmm.
Heads means Buster,
tails means Arthur.
FRANCINE:
No, wait.
We want tails.
Not a chance.
We're tails,
and you can't change the rules.
(angrily):
Hmm.
Just let me flip the coin.
FERN:
Wait.
The coin has to land
on the table.
No,
Binky has to catch it.
(groans angrily)
♪
(coin bouncing, rolling)
FRANCINE:
Heads!
It's not flat.
We won!
Redo!
We won!
Cheater!
It's decided.
I'm joining
Team Binky.
(groans)
I'll finish you, Dark Bunny!
Not so fast!
Will you guys stop fighting?
The Lobmonster is destroying
the city!
(roaring)
♪
(crashing)
This calls for some backup!
(whistling)
♪
(laughing)
Two can play at that game!
♪
Let's get 'em!
(hitting sound effects playing)
Guys, the more you fight,
the bigger the Lobmonster gets.
(roaring)
(crumbling)
(crashing)
Maybe he's right.
This feud might be a bad idea.
(gasps)
(roaring)
(screaming)
♪
(screaming fades)
Hey, Buster.
(chuckles awkwardly):
Oh, hey, Arthur.
Which fort are we in?
Team Arthur
or Team Buster?
I don't know.
I really don't care.
Yeah, me neither.
Whoa.
Yikes, I broke the barricade!
My team will be so upset.
I think it's fixable.
♪
BUSTER:
If you get to level seven,
the coins double in value.
ARTHUR:
But how do you get
to level seven
without finding
the burglars' safe?
Oh, no!
I just realized.
I don't have any lunch today.
Did you leave it at home?
Nah, I ate it during snack time.
My dad packed
a gigantic sandwich.
You can have half.
Cool.
♪
(gasping)
What are you doing?
Accepting food from Arthur?
What's wrong with that?
He was hungry.
Is that
what he told you?
Next time,
if you need a sandwich,
come to someone on your own
team.
This feud has gone too far
when I can't offer my friend
a grilled-vegetable
with goat cheese sandwich.
(gulps)
This is crazy.
There's got to be
something we can do.
Guys, we need a plan.
♪
BRAIN:
We'll put a storage area here
to stockpile snowballs.
Hey,
you're on our side
of the barricade.
I am not!
ARTHUR:
Guys, guys,
there's a contest for the
best snow fort in Elwood City.
The mayor's touring all
the playgrounds this afternoon.
The winners get milkshakes
at the Sugar Bowl.
Look.
Wow!
All right, Team Buster,
let's hop to it.
No more dawdling,
Team Arthur.
We're going to win
this contest.
I thought they were all going
to work together.
So much for our plan.
MUFFY:
They're building a gigantic row
of columns.
We need something better.
They're building a bridge.
We can't let them beat us.
♪
You're using our snow!
You don't own the snow.
(cracking, gasping)
You did that on purpose.
(angrily):
Hmm.
SUE ELLEN:
Hey!
What are you doing?
(grunts)
(both gasping)
(grunting)
Look what you did!
There's no way
we can win that contest now.
Well, we're out of the running
too, thanks to you.
Unless we salvage
what we can from each fort.
But that means
We'd have to combine them.
You want us to work
with them?
That is not happening.
It might be our only chance.
Two forts combined
into one.
Who knows?
It's worth a shot.
♪
It's beautiful.
Nice arch work.
So when is
the mayor going to be here?
ALL:
Uh
I might have an answer to that.
"Mayor" is spelled
incorrectly.
And there's a doodle
of a wrestler.
I'm getting good
at drawing wrestlers.
There is no contest.
We made it up.
Oh, no!
What?
It was the only way
to get you to stop feuding.
Maybe we got
a little carried away.
I didn't want to eat lunch
with you.
But now we've got this fort
we all made.
Even though it was Team Arthur
that did all the hard work.
What?
Kidding!
Come on, let's build
another archway over here.
How about
an inside staircase?
Ooh, a secret room
back by the tower.
♪
Remember that snow fort
we all built here
a few months ago
when everyone was arguing?
Oh, yeah!
(both munching)
Have you noticed how sometimes
an argument is like a sandwich?
Not really.
Yeah, me neither.
That's why
we're such good friends.
BUSTER:
To watch more "Arthur"
and play games with all
the Elwood City friends,
visit pbskids.org.
You can find "Arthur" books
and lots of other books, too,
at your local library.
♪