Top Gear (2002) s23e04 Episode Script
The Aston Martin Vulcan
1 Tonight, Chris Harris serves up smoked Aston I can smell chicken! .
.
Tom Kerridge and I smoke ourselves We are having a CAR-becue.
.
.
and Matt goes al fresco.
I'm going to freeze my cubes off if it gets any colder.
Hello.
Welcome to Top Gear.
Oh, yes, now, very busy show this evening, so let's get right on with it.
This is officially the maddest car any of us have ever clapped eyes on.
So insane, in fact, that you cannot actually drive this anywhere in the UK at all.
Yep, that's right.
So to cut it loose, Chris Harris had to take it all the way to Abu Dhabi.
- Over there.
- Yeah.
- There.
This is the Aston Martin Vulcan, named in honour of Britain's legendary Cold War bomber.
Which is quite a bold name to give a car.
The Vulcan, after all, was one of our finest engineering feats of the 20th century.
Calling your car Vulcan is like naming your child Ace or Elvis.
It's got a lot to live up to.
The Vulcan is the fastest, most powerful, most extreme Aston Martin ever built.
0-60, less than three seconds.
Top speed, more than 200mph and that's with a huge wing on the back slowing it down.
Brake horsepower? Well, that depends what you do with your knob.
This knob here cranks the power from 550 horsepower to 820 horsepower.
Now, Aston Martin has asked me to leave it in position one while I get to grips with the Vulcan because she can be a bit lively.
Whoops! Phenomenal! It's like having your internal organs put into one of those old-fashioned mangles.
Because the Vulcan looks like it's time-travelled from the future, you might think all this speed comes from some cutting edge hybrid wizardry.
But it doesn't.
In fact, to tell you the truth, the Vulcan is a bit of a knuckle-dragging caveman.
Unlike, say, Ferrari, Aston Martin doesn't have an F1 team from which to borrow tech, but it does have a proper British can-do attitude.
So the Vulcan hails very much from the make-the-most-of-what-you've-got school of engineering and its engine started life in an old Ford Mondeo.
Well, actually two old Mondeos.
Back in the '90s, Aston got a couple of V6s from the first-generation Mondeo and kind of gaffer-taped them together to make a V12.
OK, as time's gone on, they've upgraded it to the point that they've redesigned it and it's now got double the power output.
But the fact is the most powerful Aston Martin ever made is powered by the leftovers of a couple of family saloons.
But does that matter? Well, not really.
Humans share 60% of their DNA with chickens, but you don't see many roosters on University Challenge, do you? And when your Mondeo engines sound like this .
.
who cares? Just listen.
Yes! It is like the fastest racing car I've driven in a straight line.
It's like a big GT car, a big Le Mans car.
It's just fantastic.
And because Aston hasn't bothered with heavy hybrid stuff, the Vulcan's light and agile which means it's very good at doing this.
This is fast here.
115 miles an hour through a left, same again through a right on the exit.
Lean on the wing and then just smash the throttle open.
I'd never tire of that.
Just hanging in your belts, so physical! I have to admit that I'm kind of at the limits of the speed I can carry and talk at the same time.
I have to concentrate.
So instead of telling you how quick this thing goes, since we've got the Yas Marina Formula 1 circuit to play on, let's have a little demonstration instead.
One lap of the track, me and the Vulcan against this.
The V12 Vantage S, 573 horsepower, capable of 205mph, the fastest road-going Aston you can buy.
And in it is Darren Turner.
He is also seriously quick.
Darren is a two-time class winner at Le Mans.
Not what you call slow, then.
Oh, and just to make things interesting, Darren gets a 20-second head start.
Probably ought to warm the tyres up.
I think they're warm enough, aren't they? So with Darren now a good half mile up the road, let me show you what the Vulcan's really made of.
At 200mph, this car creates its own body weight in downforce, so in theory, you could drive it upside down.
However, in practice My face is bending! Such a positive thing to drive.
And cos you've got downforce, you can fling it at these fast turns.
And once you've got through the twisty stuff, more than 800 horses are ready to close the gap some more.
The power advantage is enormous.
Oh, I can see him, I can see him.
He's got well over 500 horsepower in that thing and we are catching him like he is standing still.
I get to catch a Le Mans winner.
Look at the way we just come climbing past him.
Oh, yes! Bye! The Vulcan really is the very best of Aston Martin, the very best of British.
It's bruising, it's brilliant.
Chris, in now.
It doesn't challenge the limits of technology, but who cares? It does make you feel utterly alive.
Chris, do you copy? This is a car you just want to drive and drive and drive.
Chris Oh, come on, Chris.
Brilliant.
- Wow! - Yeah.
- Chris Harris.
Now Chris, I honestly think that was the best track film I've ever seen on Top Gear and I think we all agree, don't we, ladies and gentlemen? Yeah! And please tell us that your life flashed before you as often as it looked like it did.
Look, it was the most exciting, visceral, sweaty driving experience of my life.
It was amazing.
I love it.
I love the speed, I love the name, I love the fact that it's loud enough to wake the dead.
But what's the catch? The catch is the price.
It's £1.
8 million.
Oh! Oh, that's like twice the price of a McLaren P1.
- Er, you're correct.
- And you can't drive it anywhere in Britain? No, you're right, it's not road legal and it's so loud it busts the noise limits for every single circuit in the UK.
Which means we can't put it around our track.
Aw! But we thought we would anyway.
It's time to hand it over to our tame racing driver.
Some say he thinks Brexit is a laxative .
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and that for tax purposes, he's classified as a biscuit.
All we know is he's called the Stig! Can Stig tame the ultimate Aston Martin thus far? Damp conditions today, just to keep him on his toes, if indeed he has toes.
Stig with the Vulcan's power knob cranked to the max, of course.
More than 800 horsepower of V12 insanity.
Look at that go.
There's the Stig -- stealthy focus, focus stealthy.
Through Chicago.
There's heat in those huge tyres by now.
Into Hammerhead.
You can see the heat pumping from those side exit exhausts.
Super-stable again.
That wing doing its job.
Ooh, little twitch on the exit.
And the follow-through.
Look at that! It's almost taken off.
Hard on the carbon brakes, so hard! Just 24 Vulcans will ever be built of carbon fibre and pure insanity.
Last corner and across the line! Now, the Aston Martin Vulcan, here, can't go on the board.
- It can't go on the board - Aw! .
.
because it's not a road car.
And those are the rules, which is a shame.
And which is why we've accessorised our famous Power Lap board with this.
The Power Flap.
I know, I know.
Crazy.
Now this Power Flap is for naughty cars and naughty laps only and the first-ever car on the naughty lap board is indeed the Vulcan with a time of, and it was damp, remember, but it's still brilliant, 1.
15.
2, there you go.
Which is very naughty.
Shh.
Don't tell anyone.
So, trains.
Now bear with me.
£3,660.
That's the price of a one-way ticket from London to Venice on the Venice Simplon-Orient-Express.
They say it's the most luxurious way to cross Europe.
We say Well, tell them, Sabine.
Anything trains can do, cars can do better.
That's right.
That's right.
So to prove you can have a better time driving than interrailing Still with me?.
.
the producers gave Sabine, Chris and myself the price of the ticket to buy a luxury car for a luxury road trip to Venice.
Tarmac versus train.
A challenge was born.
Love a challenge.
OK, yeah, of course, we needed a guinea pig on the train.
But who would selflessly volunteer for two days of butler service and five-star cuisine? Me.
London Victoria Station.
Starting point for my luxury rail journey.
For a leisurely trip across Europe, frankly, this is the only way to travel.
Morning, Mr Jordan.
Can I take your luggage? - That's very kind.
- Welcome on board.
If you'd like to follow me now.
Thank you.
Blinis in hand.
Bye-bye Victoria Station, hello Venice.
Let the journey begin.
Yes, I would spend the next two days travelling across France, Switzerland and Italy to Venice, cosseted in timeless elegance.
Not so fast, Jordan.
One of the luxuries of driving is no timetables.
So by the time Eddie had boarded his train in London, we were already across the Channel.
And if it's timeless elegance that really counts I bagged a beauty.
So here we are on the open road in France in the gorgeous 2002 Jag XJ Exec.
This car cost £2,100 and everything works.
There was the heated electric seats, climate control, all that leather, not to mention a 3.
2 litre V8.
For the money, you really can't buy better.
What a dream machine.
Honestly, I have got love for this car already.
It's so settled, so stable.
I could drive this for ever.
Well, I like my cars understated, yet imposing, and that means I like my Audi A8.
I paid £2,750 for this car, but it's high-end, German quality.
As you English say, you get what you pay for.
And I have just as much leather stuff as the Jag, but I also have four-wheel drive, satellite navigation and a slightly more economical 2.
8 litre V6.
But the real reason why I bought this one -- I love the wheels.
The 20-inch rims, they are amazing.
Real bad boys' wheels.
Sabine and I were more than happy with our choices.
Now what about Matt? So you're probably wondering why I chose a bike for this trip.
Well, that's simple.
This is not just any bike, this is the Gold Wing, the ultimate touring machine.
Yes, just £2,500 bought me this 1989 vintage Grand Tourer.
Not only would it out-drag the other two with its 1.
5 litre flat-6 engine, it also has air suspension, so it's easy on the ass.
And that's straight out of the brochure.
It really is nice, very comfortable.
Very smooth motor, very quiet, very nice, like just hums along.
In these plains of I don't know what the hell they're growing here, but it smells like [Shit.]
.
- Hello, Eddie.
- Yeah, Chris, how is it going, boy? It's going fine, how's it going with you, Eddie? Chris, I can't tell you.
This is absolutely amazing.
But I've got something for you.
I've just received a challenge.
Come on.
"Head to Paris, where you will each collect a Michelin-star chef "who will join you for the next leg of your trip.
"You will drive them to a glitzy chateau in Lyon.
"En route, each chef will prepare a dish which, on arrival, "you will present to one of the world's "toughest restaurant critics.
" OK, all right.
Um I'll pass that on to my two friends.
Immediately, there was an obvious problem for one of us.
I have to cook a meal on the bike? Well, at least another human being to keep you warm, Matt.
OK, now I'm always up for a good challenge, but how do you? I mean, am I supposed to? How will we? Is it even possible to? I What? Well, we just have to find the chefs.
And then right in the middle of town Chefs, I can see chefs.
We got chefs.
Proper chefs, at that.
None other than Tom Kerridge, Tom Kitchen and Ollie Dabbous, all world-renowned Michelin-starred maestros at the top of their game.
This was becoming serious ish.
- Hey, Tommy.
- Nice motor.
Brought the ironing board.
- What's this? Hi, mate, how are you? - Thank you, you all right? - What a laugh! - I'm looking for a chef.
Ha-ha, I'm here, I'm here.
Woohoo! How are you? - Ahh, great to see you.
- Ah.
- How are you? - Hey Matt, are you good? - Good, yeah.
OK.
This, er - This thing got a trunk? - There's quite a bit of gear here.
- We'll figure something out.
- How much stuff you got? Wowwee, OK.
- A bit, a bit of stuff.
What is all this? So with a bit of careful packing, and huge relief that at least I wasn't Matt LeBlanc, the inaugural episode of Top Great British Master Menu Chef Gear got under way.
Woohoo! With the advantage of four wheels and well, not being outside, the two Toms got straight to work.
Now you gotta go careful, I've got a knife, right.
- So, so just - Tell me when you want me to be especially careful.
Well, just at this point it might be quite good cos I'm spatchcocking the chicken, so I'm going to be cutting his backbone out.
Meanwhile, over in the Audi, Sabine was receiving a few pointers.
So, what we're going to do is we're going to put the pulp into the pillowcase.
Oh, my grandma would die.
You'll never get the colour out.
Sabine, however, had a few pointers of her own.
Right, now we've got to trim this fish up.
So, my grandma would say there was a lot of fish still on the bones.
- Would she now? Has your grandmother? - What a waste! Has she filleted many fish in the back of an Audi? Eh? Sabine laughing, Tom, not so much, but he carried on.
Pop a little lemon in there.
Mmm! Oh, my grandma would put some lemon on top as well.
Your grandma needs a slap in the chops.
Over on the Gold Wing, Matt and Ollie had realised that to even start cooking, first they'd have to stop.
Hey.
Nice.
OK, I'm freezing.
And Ollie had brought a friend.
Hey.
Oh, no, that's a different movie.
What are you going to do with that? Um, I didn't really think it through but, er, we're going to take the jowl off, which is this bit of meat here, and we're going to slow cook it between now and Lyon.
So hopefully maybe on top of the exhaust if we wrap it in tinfoil.
- OK.
- Or, er, or maybe by the front engine.
This was a breakthrough, and soon, with Tom and Sabine having put Granny Schmitz to one side - I was made for this Audi.
- Made for this, yeah.
Yeah.
.
.
we all came to the same conclusion.
So approximately how long do you think we need to leave it in there? - How long before we get to Lyon? - Five hours.
Five hours is perfect, perfect.
On the move again, we were proving beyond question that our luxury vehicles were easily a match for Eddie's train.
And as we clocked up the miles I can I can smell chicken! I can smell chicken! We are having a CAR-becue.
But as cold day became really freezing cold night, Ollie still faced some issues with Matt's alfresco kitchen.
How's it going? I got one out of three so far.
I don't really like asparagus that much anyway.
To make matters worse, over on the Smug Express - Your beef, sir.
- Oh, grazie mille, thank you.
You're welcome, sir.
This looks delicious.
I hate that Eddie Jordan.
Back on the Polar Express we were falling behind, and as we made yet another stop so that Ollie could actually get something done, I finally addressed the elephant in the room.
- Let me ask you a question.
- Shoot.
Do you think all this would have been easier in a car? Absolutely.
Easier but probably less fun.
Also I think if you're doing a challenge, you want it to be a challenge.
I'd rather do that than have it too easy.
I don't believe you.
In the Jag, we were discovering our carbecue might not be the flawless invention we'd hoped.
- The butter's not even melted.
- Well, it's trying to melt.
Mate, the chicken's still alive.
This is never going to get cooked in time.
Let's stick it in a hot, hot, hot, hot place.
- That's underneath the car.
- Yeah.
- OK, you ready? - Yep.
It's going to be a tight squeeze.
Ow! For [fuck's.]
sake! Still, at least we weren't stuck on the train.
My, my da-da-da-da And with that feeling of utter relief driving us towards the finish line, Sabine was the first to reach the chateau.
- I am so hungry.
- Check the fish, let's check the fish.
- Yeah.
Annoyingly, the Audi carbecue looked like it had worked.
- Hot, hot, hot.
- Hot hot.
But we were hot on their tail in the Jag.
- Wake up the judge.
- Kerridge is here.
- Judge, wake up, we are here.
Meanwhile Matt was OK, ready? Push.
.
.
a bit further back.
- Made it.
- Right, this is it.
Do you know who they've got judging this? Er, I wouldn't worry about it.
Probably the Stig in a chef's outfit.
Unfortunately, Matt was wrong.
Yes, judging the dishes in the inaugural episode of Top Great Master British Chef Menu Gear would be respected restaurant guru, Oliver Peyton.
(Come on, Matt.
) Oh, sorry.
Sorry we're late.
Well, welcome, everyone.
OK, shall we start? 'Sabine and Tom have prepared sea bass en papillote 'served with asparagus and truffle.
' The lemon's a bit punchy on that, Tom.
That's cos you took the lemon slice.
You shouldn't have put it on there if you didn't want me to have it.
'Chris and Tom are serving exhaust-smoked spatchcock chicken, 'seasoned with rosemary, lemon and black pepper.
' That used to taste of chicken.
- And it now tastes of? - Engine.
And that's the flavour we were going for.
'Finally, Matt and Ollie have prepared a roasted pork jowl 'with juniper and caraway.
' I'm surprised, the jowl is good.
I'll take that as a compliment of sorts.
No, it's a compliment.
It's a compliment.
OK, time to get serious.
The winner is - Tom Kitchen.
- Yeah! Well done, girl.
Well done to you.
'Bad luck, boys.
Still, could be worse.
' Mamma Mia, here I go again Bam bam, here I OK, coming up -- part two of the train film.
But Eddie, really? Spoons? I mean you don't get a lot of spoons these days.
Matt, you can't believe it.
They loved me.
Well, of course they did, what's not to love, huh? OK, ladies and gentlemen, the king of cutlery, the Clapton of the kitchen, Eddie Jordan.
OK, now it's time to welcome tonight's stars in a rally cross car.
How about Brian Cox and Bear Grylls? Guys, double handshake, right there.
- How are you, gentlemen? - Very, very good.
- On this fine day.
Perfect conditions for quick laps around the rally cross course.
No excuses, thank you very much.
I was hoping it'd be raining because I wanted an excuse.
I was hoping it would be a wet lap.
All right, so first of all, Brian, you tell us what Bear's up to.
Well, Bear Grylls is here to talk about his new novel, Burning Angels, which is out now.
And as we don't have any video footage, because it is a book .
.
here's Bear feeding Barack Obama some salmon.
Why not? - OK, shall we try a little bit of this? - Yeah, let's let's try that.
Mmm, that's tasty.
Well, that's proper Alaskan salmon for you.
Bear's a mediocre cook, but the fact that we ate something recognisable was encouraging.
Ah, encouraging.
Here's my question to you about that.
How did you get the leader of the free world to come on your TV show? Well, the White House contacted us and they said he's a big fan of Running Wild, would, um Would you take him on an adventure to Alaska.
But I thought it was like I thought it was a friend of mine's spoof, you know, I thought, "Oh, this isn't real.
" But, er, you know, it was definitely a daunting thing to do.
And I remember ringing my mum beforehand and saying, "I'm so nervous about doing this.
" And she goes, "Just remember, whoever they are, "they put their trousers on one leg at a time.
" And.
er - Anyway.
- Bear, your book, Bear -- Bear Grylls, Burning Angels.
Here we go, the second outing for Will Jaeger.
Now, Will Jaeger is a fictional character, OK, not based on anyone we know at all? Does he not drive the same car as Bear Grylls? He does, he drives a Land Rover.
The thing is, there are similarities.
- Does he not use the same knives as Bear Grylls? - He does.
Has he not been in a parachute accident, like Bear Grylls? He was.
But this is kind of where it ends, cos actually he's a much cooler, much smarter, much better, better-looking version.
You can't be any cooler and smarter than you.
You're being so modest.
No, he is.
Although he's got definitely a dark side to him and he gets taken on a pretty sort of ugly journey.
I mean Somebody said, "Oh, can I get my young scouts to read this?" And we do do these kid's fiction books as well, and I said, "No, this is an adult book and they went, "Adult?" And I went, "No, no, not like Not like ADULT book.
" - Yeah, I haven't drifted into, you know.
- Bear's in the bushes.
Exactly, so this is This is a grown-up book so it does go quite dark.
Can you tell us, please, if you don't mind, Mr G, what Mr C is up to.
I'd be delighted.
The very brilliant Professor Brian Cox has been filming a new BBC One show called Forces of Nature.
It's out in July and here we have an exclusive clip of Brian taking off in a Euro Fighter Typhoon Lucky you! - I know, yeah.
- .
.
chasing the sunset.
- Come on! Turning 69, with you on the right turn, heading - I have to say, that's the way to depart an airfield.
- Isn't it! Oh, right! How cool was that? Now, Brian, me and G-forces, we don't really get on, so that was, er, that was some G-forces you were pulling there.
Tell us about your pre-flight briefing.
They they tell you things like, "Well we're going to "We're going to fly at Mach 1.
4 towards Ireland, which is "what we're going to do.
" We were chasing the Sun.
So the idea was to show how fast the Earth is rotating.
Now, we're travelling at 600 miles an hour to get around the axis of the Earth.
And yet we don't feel it, so it's an interesting question in physics.
So the idea was to outrun the Sun, so we gunned this thing at Mach 1.
4, 20,000 feet towards Ireland and the sun came back up again cos we outran the Earth.
And then so I said to them, "What happens if we just, for television, "we don't quite get the sun up, can we carry on over Ireland?" And you know, you break the windows and everything, international incident, and I said, "What will happen?" And he said, "They'll see it coming on the early warning radar, "they'll [fuck.]
themselves and launch their Cessna.
" - Right, shall we get onto cars? - Yeah, we probably should.
OK, here we go.
Your car-off.
So -- first car, please, Bear Grylls.
My first car was a bright green Fiat Panda convertible.
Like this one? Oh, God.
Yeah, so I've got an older sister, so I inherited it off her but it was cheap and knackered when she had it.
By the time it got to me it was on its last legs.
Cos it was convertible, as well, once you went over 30 the roof would like, zoom, go back, so I had a climbing rope tied around it and I'd tie it round my leg, but, yeah, - it was fond memories.
- So you're up against the Fiat Panda.
Brian Cox, tell us about your first car, please.
It was a Ford Fiesta Mark 1.
OK, Ford Fiesta Mark 1.
Brian Cox.
Tell us about that photo, please.
That's what I used to look like in the '80s.
- It was a great car.
- But didn't you over-mod your car? Yeah, because it was a 1.
1 Fiesta so I think it was about 50bhp or something, and I had this thing called a I think it was called the KNN super filter charger, or something.
You'd take the air filter off the carburettor and stick this thing on and you'd get it up to about, I don't know what it was, 80, 90bhp or something.
But I couldn't afford to put bigger wheels on it, or the suspension, or the brakes or anything so it ended up wrapped round a lamppost.
But, you know.
And I was It couldn't handle the slight extra power.
Well, you say, hang on a minute.
Bear, he says, OK, he says it ended up wrapped around a lamppost.
- Weren't you racing a Mini at the time? - No, no, no, because that would be a naughty thing to do.
You were, you were.
He was racing a Mini at the time, he crashed into a lamppost and then he came up with the greatest excuse of all time.
- Brian.
- Motion is relative, and so it is perfectly possible to define myself as being in what's called an inertial frame of reference, as long as I wasn't accelerating in the car.
And therefore the lamppost was moving towards me and that's that's what happened.
So you're right, relativity could have stepped in.
So, er, car against car.
First car against first car.
Brian's Ford Fiesta against Bear's Fiat Panda.
OK, er which do you think? First of all, let's hear it for Bear's Fiat Panda.
Let's hear it for Brian's orbiting Ford Fiesta 1.
1.
First blood to you.
First blood to you, OK.
Best car ever, Bear Grylls, here we go.
Well, I've got I've got an Ex-SAS Gulf War One desert vehicle Oh, like this, you mean? That one.
That one.
It's perfect for the school run.
I can pick the boys up at school.
That is obviously a machinegun on the top.
I mean if someone puts a parking ticket on, can you just swing around like that? You have to have it decommissioned, that's part of the deal, isn't it? They're really boring about things like that.
They did make us decommission it, but it's actually not that hard to re-commission.
What are we going to go up against with that? A tough one to call this, Brian.
Best car ever, please.
Best car for me? I've got I've now The best car I've ever had is my one I've got at the moment, which is a Jaguar XF, which I love.
Jaguar XF, OK.
There you go.
Are you sure? That's the best one you can come up with? Well I've never had great cars.
I had the Fiesta, I had an Escort, that blew up on the motorway.
Er, I had a Rover 213 SE - Yeah.
- .
.
that I drove into the side of a transit van.
That wasn't my fault.
That was He went through a stop sign and I ended up sat inside a transit van in my written-off Rover 213 SE.
I was like, "It can't get any worse than this.
" But this is a very safe car.
That's probably why you've chosen it.
I mean it does look like it's ready to crash, it looks like it's frowning.
It's like, "Oh Brian's going to crash me now, any minute now.
"Oh, God.
" It looks so tense, doesn't it? Don't you think? - I'm very careful these days.
- OK, so Er, best car ever, we have Brian's Jaguar XF against Bear's - What would you like to call it again? - Desert military vehicle.
Does it have a name? - Well, let's call it a DMV.
- OK.
- There's no competition here.
There's no There's zero competition.
Well, it's all right, you're 1-0 up, it's OK.
Let's hear it for Brian's Jag XF.
Let's hear it for Bear's school run DMV.
- He's a mountain.
- It's 1-1.
It's perfect, it's poetry.
It is, it's beautiful car that.
It's down to the laps, everybody.
Here we go.
So we'll go first of all Shall we look at Bear's lap first? OK.
Here we go.
Bear Grylls, conqueror of Earth's most hostile climates, but can he conquer our fearsome new track? Oh, I love a gentle drive in the countryside.
I'm sure you do, but this is a competition.
Focus, Grylls -- first corner.
And off road we go.
OK, come on BG, hold it together, into the water.
The natural habitat of a bear.
Tricky corner coming up.
Did he keep it under control? Yes, he did.
Secret there to slow down and not brake.
Hammerhead and he's got a slide on! Very good.
Back into the wilds, his natural habitat for our second dirt section, and the hairpin, bit of handbrake, yes or no? No.
But that's OK.
Big jump.
Woooooaaaaa! How much air will Bear get? Good air from Bear.
Might have lost it a little bit back there, but we're still going to win this.
Fighting talk from Grylls.
OK, just got to nail these last two corners.
Easier said than done.
Wide line into second to last.
Final corner.
A bonus extra bit of off-road, and over the line.
Not bad.
- What do you think? - Well, it wasn't - It wasn't pretty but it was very fun.
- It was exciting, though.
- Thank you.
- All right, would you like to see Professor Brian? Yeah! Brian, looking at that lap, does it worry you at all? Yes, it looked smooth and professional, that did.
So I'm very worried now.
Can I say, the thing is when you watch it, it looks quite sedate.
Cut to us inside, it is like It's chaos in there.
It's like, whoa! The jump, it feels like you're in the air for a long time.
And then when you see it, it looks like you just plonk.
No, it's very impressive.
OK, here we go, Brian Cox on the line.
Brian Cox, a space man in our rally cross Mini.
That's flat out all the way.
They look like good conditions out here.
Now they were, warm and dry, no excuses for a slow time, to be honest.
None whatsoever.
Too fast.
Through the water! Yes! Nothing like a cold splash on a hot day.
Toughest corner coming up.
This is going to be [BLEEP.]
.
Very nicely dealt with.
OK, Hammerhead, looking good.
That looks tight, it looks slow so therefore it's tight.
Off road again, dust, huge clouds, like a Mexican rally stage, and taking it wide, slow in, tight round, quick out, not bad.
Oh, he was there for like a millisecond.
This is one of the scariest things I've ever done, actually.
Past the tyre wall.
Now that is really quick, that is very, very quick.
He's a musician, he's beautiful, he's in motion.
He's poetry personified.
Round the last corner, much tighter than Bear and across the line.
Like the look of that, what did you think? Yeah.
That was definitely the least spectacular of my efforts.
What would you prefer? Drama to show your kids or a quick time for your ego? Mmm, yeah, all right, quick time.
OK, all right, so here we go.
Let's go first of all Bear Grylls.
Great lap.
- Good-looking lap.
- Got to beat Gordon, come on.
OK, so you want to beat Gordon Ramsay, do you? OK.
Well, Bear It's ambitious, ambitious.
You completed our lap in 1.
54.
You've beaten Gordon, my friend.
1.
54.
4.
There you go.
- Third position.
Good.
OK.
- That's fast.
- Right.
- That's fast.
- Can I just say, Brian, forget everybody that's either side of Bear, OK? - Because you two are so close it's only really about you two.
- Ah.
- OK.
- Really? - Yes.
Honestly.
- Wow, wow, nice.
You're either going to be third or fourth, but that doesn't matter.
OK, cos you're so close, you're the two closest celebs on the same show, all right? So it's just about this, OK? Professor Brian Cox, less dramatic but was it quicker? What if it was less dramatic and less quick? - That would be terrible.
- You can't go home if that's the case.
All right, Brian you did it in 1 53.
9! That is joint second.
Let's put it there, let's put him there with Damian.
Well done! Congratulations, well done.
- Thank you.
- Bear Grylls, Brian Cox! Now, there's been a lot of talk about this next car.
Too much talk? I don't think so, because this car might just be on the cusp of changing everything.
Not with a bang, not with a roar, not with a billowing cloud of smoke, but with stealth, sophistication and silence.
Welcome to the future.
This is the Tesla Model X.
Yes, it's an electric car, but the Model X is an electric car that might just do to petrol and diesel what the Ford Model T did to the horse.
Not so long ago, most electric cars were little more than spruced-up golf buggies, and about as refined.
But here I am in a spacious, luxurious, six-seat SUV that's aced every single crash test it's ever been in.
Out there, in New York, it might all be kicking off big-style.
Out in New York City! But in here, I'm cocooned in this bubble of serenity.
I don't have to worry about changing gears cos there aren't any, there's no engine noise, cos there's no engine.
What's there instead isn't all that ground-breaking.
A big lithium ion battery pack sends power to an electric motor on each axle, the usual drill.
The challenge has always been about making this system work on a practical level, getting you where you need to go, when you need to go, without worrying how far you need to go.
Tesla reckon this thing can do 250 miles, and it can be recharged in as little as 30 minutes from one of Tesla's superchargers .
.
which are free to use, IF you can find one.
Extra range means extra weight, though.
This mid-size SUV weighs more than a Range Rover.
But that extra bulk sits below the floor, which gives the Model X a very low centre of gravity.
As a result, it doesn't roll around.
I mean it's no sports car, but in the bends, it stays surprisingly flat.
There's really not an awful lot of feedback from the steering wheel, but because it has no engine, and it's silent, you can hear the tyres as they approach the limits of grip and you're driving with your ears.
It's a very strange sensation but I like it.
Electric motors give you all of their torque from zero rpm, standstill.
You get all of the power available instantly.
Whooooooo! It's not acceleration as we know it, but damn, it's addictive.
And that's not the only game-changer.
The Model X has been equipped with rear falcon wing doors.
Not only do they look cool, they're practical, too.
Perfect if you find yourself blocked in at a car park.
How cool is that? But I need to be in the front to drive the Oh.
Then there's the bio weapon defence mode, which provides medical grade air filtration.
- Hey doc, how you getting on back there? - Just finishing up.
Everything clean? Nice and sterile.
And the futuristic options list continues with autopilot.
Not only will it accelerate, brake and steer for you, but flick the indicator and it will even change lane for you.
My God, that is very weird.
I'm totally freaked out right now.
Tesla reckon their autopilot system is actually twice as safe as the average human driver.
So this is an EV that has the range for the open road, will keep you alive during a chemical weapons attack and will drive itself.
Is this the car, then, that will cure us of our petrol obsession? Don't need you, don't need you.
I don't need you, I don't need you.
I don't need you.
It's all very novel, but to really succeed, electric cars will have to convince die-hard petrolheads.
And they like stuff like this.
The Dodge Challenger Hellcat.
It doesn't have a clever air freshener.
It has a 6.
2 litre supercharged V8.
Perfect for a drag race.
So guys, what's going to win? The most powerful production muscle car in the world or the family van? Hellcat.
707 horsepower, bro.
You ain't going to get it.
All right, we'll see, we'll see.
Get them groceries.
What they don't know is I've got a little thing called Ludicrous mode.
And in Ludicrous mode the Model X recalibrates itself for maximum power and the result is .
.
quite dramatic.
Three, two, one, go! Oh, yeah! 0-60 in 3.
2 seconds.
Electrons for the win! I've destroyed him! I've destroyed him! - Oh, he's got it.
- No way.
He got it.
What does that make me? Am I still a petrolhead? What were you saying? Hellcat who? Hellcat who? Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten From the Battery to the top of Manhattan Asian, Middle-Eastern and Latin Black, white New York, you make it happen I've nearly done 200 miles driving all around New York State.
I've done a drag race, which I won, and I've still got, let's see, 21 miles of range left to go.
That's unreal.
Could the Model X be it, then? The actual car of the future? Well, the oil's running out, so something has to give, but the Model X doesn't quite have all the answers.
Of course, there are no emissions from the Model X itself, but it's only as green as the energy you put into it.
If your power company's making its juice by burning rainforests and puppies, then you can't exactly claim the moral high ground.
And when it comes to the UK, this family car is likely to cost about £90,000.
So the Model X won't be mobilising the masses quite like the Model T did.
But it is the start of something.
Everything changes right now.
The Model X pushes the reset button.
Forget cylinders and super unleaded cos the future is cells and super-capacitors.
There's no point trying to fight it cos you can't stop it.
The future is here and it's electric.
Rory, talk to me.
I mean this is THE congregation of petrolheads! Yeah, this is the holy temple of hydrocarbons.
Are you telling us that the future is electric? I knew that wouldn't go down well, but you've got to face up to it.
Electric is part of the future.
Yeah, but the future for me is like the Aston Martin DB11, the Bugatti Chiron, the new Ford GT I like all of those cars, but they still use old technology.
They're compromised.
Electric power gives you no compromises.
You don't have to choose between performance, or practicality, or eco friendliness.
You have all three things in one package.
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
Well, just out of curiosity, next week you're driving the new Jaguar F Type SVR, right? - Yeah, yeah.
- The one with that big, massive V8 gasoline engine, right? - Sure am.
- And how was it? - Awesome! I want one.
- You do? - You need to drive it, man.
It's incredible.
- You loved it? - Yeah.
- Loved it? - Loved it! Ladies and gentlemen, a slightly hypocritical Rory Reid.
All right, now back to our train film.
Two cars and a motorcycle on the road, versus Eddie Jordan on the rails, and sometimes off the rails.
We set off early, eager to cover the best miles of the drive to Venice.
Mountains! Nice road.
This is where the bike is nice.
I can enjoy the view a little better.
I have no roof.
Good view, but a cold ass.
I'm going to freeze my cubes off if it gets any colder.
Yes, as we swept across the Alps, spirits were high.
Wooo! Beautiful! Oh, this is so pretty.
Look at this! Yeah, you don't get this on the train, no way.
Beat this experience, Jordan.
Come on, this is gorgeous! Well, speaking of gorgeous There's only one thing better than a trip through the Alps, and that's a trip through the Alps eating lobster.
Whatever, Jordan.
Look at this.
Clear blue skies, the mountain air, in the Alps, on the way to Venice, what's not to like? Well, there's always something.
Hello, Eddie.
Chris! I've got another challenge for you.
OK It says, "Today you must travel 500 miles to Venice.
" We're already doing that.
Good.
"Your rendezvous point is the prestigious Gritti Palace "in the heart of Venice.
"If you arrive after Eddie" That's me.
".
.
the train has won.
Oh, that seems fair.
How come? Don't be late.
Bye-bye! With luxury taking a back seat, this was now a straight race between road and rail.
Luckily, our early start meant we'd already reached Italy, and were well on our way to Venice.
But, with Eddie looking steady, if not slightly in the lead, we had to get a move on.
Not to mention work out how to actually reach the finish line.
Can you drive to the hotel? What are we How are we supposed to get there? We don't have a boat.
That clearly remains to be seen.
Thankfully though, Matt, you and I have some of our budget left.
The German, on the other hand, she may be swimming.
Yes, the race for luxury grand tour bragging rights was on.
Even Eddie had found another gear.
I need a word with the driver.
Although clearly Venice, mucho rapido, si? .
.
he had no idea how trains work.
- Rapido! - OK, OK! The race is on now, boys.
And girl.
Push, baby, push.
Chris, get out of my way! I want to win the race! As expected though, the cost of Sabine's Audi soon began to take its toll.
They want my money again! Oh-oh.
20 My calculation says that I have enough money to fill it up to get to Venice, and maybe I have some money left for the toll as well.
It's really tricky.
And she wasn't the only one with problems.
The Gold Wing's small tank meant Matt was wasting valuable time on fuel stops.
You know, the quicker the pace, obviously the more fuel I use.
Probably have to stop for fuel at least two more times.
It'S going to be tight.
Matt may have been falling behind, but I was being distracted by the world's most irritating man.
You'd better make sure you're there on time! Well, you'd better get there.
Chris! - You'd better get there.
- Chris! Enough.
It was time to floor it.
Go, go, go, go! Whoa! I just saw the first sign for Venice.
While I started to reel Sabine back in Get out of my way! Mrs Schmitz is on the road.
Meep, meep! .
.
Matt's pace was getting more and more economical.
I love these tunnels.
I hate this tunnel.
With night falling, we'd closed in on Venice, and, with Eddie's train stuck at Saga speed, by the time he arrived, we'd be breathing down his neck.
Well, when I say "we", I mean two of us.
My gosh, it's far to Venice.
But I think I'm in the lead.
We'll see.
Good luck with that.
Venezia, 10km, yes.
Come on! I made it! With Sabine's cash flow now critical I have three pence left.
.
.
as we hit Venice, this was just the advantage I needed.
I've got loads of money left from my initial budget, so I can afford the quickest water taxi transfer to the Gritti Palace, wherever that is, so I've got a chance.
I have got a chance.
No, he doesn't.
Hello, Venice.
Ah, taxi.
Here we are! With no money left for a water taxi, I would have to find my way to the finish on foot.
This is it, this is the car park.
Gritti Palace? - Yeah.
- Thank you, grazie.
Water, check.
Water everywhere! Excuse me, are you a water taxi? Ah, we go this way.
Cutting it close.
Very, very close.
Back in the actual race, I'd found a speed boat.
We've got to go! However, immediately there was a problem.
Venice, it seems, has a water speed limit.
Well, here we are, hurtling towards the Gritti Palace at 7km an hour.
To make matters worse, Sabine was covering the ground like some sort of Terminator.
Excuse me! Sorry! Come on, come on, we need to get there.
I haven't seen Chris or Sabine for about four hours.
So I think I'm still ahead of them.
Must be this way.
Come on! Yeah, come on, Gianluca! This is the hotel! I can see it.
Oh, sorry! Sorry, sorry! Gritti Palace, we're here! - Oh, nein! - Sabine! Eddie! Sabine, brilliant! Oh, made it! So, you are You are first here from the other two.
Not Matt, not here? Nobody? Just you and me, and I've just beaten you.
Oh, no! Grab a seat.
Oh.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my goodness! Heyyy! - She beat you! - Hi! - Hi.
We are here since a couple of minutes.
- Well done.
- Are you dead? You're not dead, are you? No, I had a great time! You've never looked more relaxed.
- I've had the couple of days from heaven, man.
- Look at you! OK.
Home stretch.
What a blast.
And well done to Eddie, victory for the train, completely undermining the reason for Top Gear, but you know, what the heck? Excuse me! For once, I was only doing what I was told to.
Oh, OK, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
Just one more thing, now you had a great time? Absolutely.
- We had a great time.
You won.
- Yes, of course.
We lost.
However, we got to keep these.
Sabine Yeah! My Audi A8, un-destructible.
Yeah, I will never sell my gorgeous Jag, never going to sell it.
Yeah, my Gold Wing, loved it.
For sale, anybody want to buy it? So, Eddie, what were you left with? Ha-ha! - I got - Oh, no! No! No, no, no, no! Right, next week the Zenos and the BMW M2.
The Jaguar F Type, and the new Rolls-Royce Dawn.
Goodnight, everyone! Goodnight!
.
Tom Kerridge and I smoke ourselves We are having a CAR-becue.
.
.
and Matt goes al fresco.
I'm going to freeze my cubes off if it gets any colder.
Hello.
Welcome to Top Gear.
Oh, yes, now, very busy show this evening, so let's get right on with it.
This is officially the maddest car any of us have ever clapped eyes on.
So insane, in fact, that you cannot actually drive this anywhere in the UK at all.
Yep, that's right.
So to cut it loose, Chris Harris had to take it all the way to Abu Dhabi.
- Over there.
- Yeah.
- There.
This is the Aston Martin Vulcan, named in honour of Britain's legendary Cold War bomber.
Which is quite a bold name to give a car.
The Vulcan, after all, was one of our finest engineering feats of the 20th century.
Calling your car Vulcan is like naming your child Ace or Elvis.
It's got a lot to live up to.
The Vulcan is the fastest, most powerful, most extreme Aston Martin ever built.
0-60, less than three seconds.
Top speed, more than 200mph and that's with a huge wing on the back slowing it down.
Brake horsepower? Well, that depends what you do with your knob.
This knob here cranks the power from 550 horsepower to 820 horsepower.
Now, Aston Martin has asked me to leave it in position one while I get to grips with the Vulcan because she can be a bit lively.
Whoops! Phenomenal! It's like having your internal organs put into one of those old-fashioned mangles.
Because the Vulcan looks like it's time-travelled from the future, you might think all this speed comes from some cutting edge hybrid wizardry.
But it doesn't.
In fact, to tell you the truth, the Vulcan is a bit of a knuckle-dragging caveman.
Unlike, say, Ferrari, Aston Martin doesn't have an F1 team from which to borrow tech, but it does have a proper British can-do attitude.
So the Vulcan hails very much from the make-the-most-of-what-you've-got school of engineering and its engine started life in an old Ford Mondeo.
Well, actually two old Mondeos.
Back in the '90s, Aston got a couple of V6s from the first-generation Mondeo and kind of gaffer-taped them together to make a V12.
OK, as time's gone on, they've upgraded it to the point that they've redesigned it and it's now got double the power output.
But the fact is the most powerful Aston Martin ever made is powered by the leftovers of a couple of family saloons.
But does that matter? Well, not really.
Humans share 60% of their DNA with chickens, but you don't see many roosters on University Challenge, do you? And when your Mondeo engines sound like this .
.
who cares? Just listen.
Yes! It is like the fastest racing car I've driven in a straight line.
It's like a big GT car, a big Le Mans car.
It's just fantastic.
And because Aston hasn't bothered with heavy hybrid stuff, the Vulcan's light and agile which means it's very good at doing this.
This is fast here.
115 miles an hour through a left, same again through a right on the exit.
Lean on the wing and then just smash the throttle open.
I'd never tire of that.
Just hanging in your belts, so physical! I have to admit that I'm kind of at the limits of the speed I can carry and talk at the same time.
I have to concentrate.
So instead of telling you how quick this thing goes, since we've got the Yas Marina Formula 1 circuit to play on, let's have a little demonstration instead.
One lap of the track, me and the Vulcan against this.
The V12 Vantage S, 573 horsepower, capable of 205mph, the fastest road-going Aston you can buy.
And in it is Darren Turner.
He is also seriously quick.
Darren is a two-time class winner at Le Mans.
Not what you call slow, then.
Oh, and just to make things interesting, Darren gets a 20-second head start.
Probably ought to warm the tyres up.
I think they're warm enough, aren't they? So with Darren now a good half mile up the road, let me show you what the Vulcan's really made of.
At 200mph, this car creates its own body weight in downforce, so in theory, you could drive it upside down.
However, in practice My face is bending! Such a positive thing to drive.
And cos you've got downforce, you can fling it at these fast turns.
And once you've got through the twisty stuff, more than 800 horses are ready to close the gap some more.
The power advantage is enormous.
Oh, I can see him, I can see him.
He's got well over 500 horsepower in that thing and we are catching him like he is standing still.
I get to catch a Le Mans winner.
Look at the way we just come climbing past him.
Oh, yes! Bye! The Vulcan really is the very best of Aston Martin, the very best of British.
It's bruising, it's brilliant.
Chris, in now.
It doesn't challenge the limits of technology, but who cares? It does make you feel utterly alive.
Chris, do you copy? This is a car you just want to drive and drive and drive.
Chris Oh, come on, Chris.
Brilliant.
- Wow! - Yeah.
- Chris Harris.
Now Chris, I honestly think that was the best track film I've ever seen on Top Gear and I think we all agree, don't we, ladies and gentlemen? Yeah! And please tell us that your life flashed before you as often as it looked like it did.
Look, it was the most exciting, visceral, sweaty driving experience of my life.
It was amazing.
I love it.
I love the speed, I love the name, I love the fact that it's loud enough to wake the dead.
But what's the catch? The catch is the price.
It's £1.
8 million.
Oh! Oh, that's like twice the price of a McLaren P1.
- Er, you're correct.
- And you can't drive it anywhere in Britain? No, you're right, it's not road legal and it's so loud it busts the noise limits for every single circuit in the UK.
Which means we can't put it around our track.
Aw! But we thought we would anyway.
It's time to hand it over to our tame racing driver.
Some say he thinks Brexit is a laxative .
.
and that for tax purposes, he's classified as a biscuit.
All we know is he's called the Stig! Can Stig tame the ultimate Aston Martin thus far? Damp conditions today, just to keep him on his toes, if indeed he has toes.
Stig with the Vulcan's power knob cranked to the max, of course.
More than 800 horsepower of V12 insanity.
Look at that go.
There's the Stig -- stealthy focus, focus stealthy.
Through Chicago.
There's heat in those huge tyres by now.
Into Hammerhead.
You can see the heat pumping from those side exit exhausts.
Super-stable again.
That wing doing its job.
Ooh, little twitch on the exit.
And the follow-through.
Look at that! It's almost taken off.
Hard on the carbon brakes, so hard! Just 24 Vulcans will ever be built of carbon fibre and pure insanity.
Last corner and across the line! Now, the Aston Martin Vulcan, here, can't go on the board.
- It can't go on the board - Aw! .
.
because it's not a road car.
And those are the rules, which is a shame.
And which is why we've accessorised our famous Power Lap board with this.
The Power Flap.
I know, I know.
Crazy.
Now this Power Flap is for naughty cars and naughty laps only and the first-ever car on the naughty lap board is indeed the Vulcan with a time of, and it was damp, remember, but it's still brilliant, 1.
15.
2, there you go.
Which is very naughty.
Shh.
Don't tell anyone.
So, trains.
Now bear with me.
£3,660.
That's the price of a one-way ticket from London to Venice on the Venice Simplon-Orient-Express.
They say it's the most luxurious way to cross Europe.
We say Well, tell them, Sabine.
Anything trains can do, cars can do better.
That's right.
That's right.
So to prove you can have a better time driving than interrailing Still with me?.
.
the producers gave Sabine, Chris and myself the price of the ticket to buy a luxury car for a luxury road trip to Venice.
Tarmac versus train.
A challenge was born.
Love a challenge.
OK, yeah, of course, we needed a guinea pig on the train.
But who would selflessly volunteer for two days of butler service and five-star cuisine? Me.
London Victoria Station.
Starting point for my luxury rail journey.
For a leisurely trip across Europe, frankly, this is the only way to travel.
Morning, Mr Jordan.
Can I take your luggage? - That's very kind.
- Welcome on board.
If you'd like to follow me now.
Thank you.
Blinis in hand.
Bye-bye Victoria Station, hello Venice.
Let the journey begin.
Yes, I would spend the next two days travelling across France, Switzerland and Italy to Venice, cosseted in timeless elegance.
Not so fast, Jordan.
One of the luxuries of driving is no timetables.
So by the time Eddie had boarded his train in London, we were already across the Channel.
And if it's timeless elegance that really counts I bagged a beauty.
So here we are on the open road in France in the gorgeous 2002 Jag XJ Exec.
This car cost £2,100 and everything works.
There was the heated electric seats, climate control, all that leather, not to mention a 3.
2 litre V8.
For the money, you really can't buy better.
What a dream machine.
Honestly, I have got love for this car already.
It's so settled, so stable.
I could drive this for ever.
Well, I like my cars understated, yet imposing, and that means I like my Audi A8.
I paid £2,750 for this car, but it's high-end, German quality.
As you English say, you get what you pay for.
And I have just as much leather stuff as the Jag, but I also have four-wheel drive, satellite navigation and a slightly more economical 2.
8 litre V6.
But the real reason why I bought this one -- I love the wheels.
The 20-inch rims, they are amazing.
Real bad boys' wheels.
Sabine and I were more than happy with our choices.
Now what about Matt? So you're probably wondering why I chose a bike for this trip.
Well, that's simple.
This is not just any bike, this is the Gold Wing, the ultimate touring machine.
Yes, just £2,500 bought me this 1989 vintage Grand Tourer.
Not only would it out-drag the other two with its 1.
5 litre flat-6 engine, it also has air suspension, so it's easy on the ass.
And that's straight out of the brochure.
It really is nice, very comfortable.
Very smooth motor, very quiet, very nice, like just hums along.
In these plains of I don't know what the hell they're growing here, but it smells like [Shit.]
.
- Hello, Eddie.
- Yeah, Chris, how is it going, boy? It's going fine, how's it going with you, Eddie? Chris, I can't tell you.
This is absolutely amazing.
But I've got something for you.
I've just received a challenge.
Come on.
"Head to Paris, where you will each collect a Michelin-star chef "who will join you for the next leg of your trip.
"You will drive them to a glitzy chateau in Lyon.
"En route, each chef will prepare a dish which, on arrival, "you will present to one of the world's "toughest restaurant critics.
" OK, all right.
Um I'll pass that on to my two friends.
Immediately, there was an obvious problem for one of us.
I have to cook a meal on the bike? Well, at least another human being to keep you warm, Matt.
OK, now I'm always up for a good challenge, but how do you? I mean, am I supposed to? How will we? Is it even possible to? I What? Well, we just have to find the chefs.
And then right in the middle of town Chefs, I can see chefs.
We got chefs.
Proper chefs, at that.
None other than Tom Kerridge, Tom Kitchen and Ollie Dabbous, all world-renowned Michelin-starred maestros at the top of their game.
This was becoming serious ish.
- Hey, Tommy.
- Nice motor.
Brought the ironing board.
- What's this? Hi, mate, how are you? - Thank you, you all right? - What a laugh! - I'm looking for a chef.
Ha-ha, I'm here, I'm here.
Woohoo! How are you? - Ahh, great to see you.
- Ah.
- How are you? - Hey Matt, are you good? - Good, yeah.
OK.
This, er - This thing got a trunk? - There's quite a bit of gear here.
- We'll figure something out.
- How much stuff you got? Wowwee, OK.
- A bit, a bit of stuff.
What is all this? So with a bit of careful packing, and huge relief that at least I wasn't Matt LeBlanc, the inaugural episode of Top Great British Master Menu Chef Gear got under way.
Woohoo! With the advantage of four wheels and well, not being outside, the two Toms got straight to work.
Now you gotta go careful, I've got a knife, right.
- So, so just - Tell me when you want me to be especially careful.
Well, just at this point it might be quite good cos I'm spatchcocking the chicken, so I'm going to be cutting his backbone out.
Meanwhile, over in the Audi, Sabine was receiving a few pointers.
So, what we're going to do is we're going to put the pulp into the pillowcase.
Oh, my grandma would die.
You'll never get the colour out.
Sabine, however, had a few pointers of her own.
Right, now we've got to trim this fish up.
So, my grandma would say there was a lot of fish still on the bones.
- Would she now? Has your grandmother? - What a waste! Has she filleted many fish in the back of an Audi? Eh? Sabine laughing, Tom, not so much, but he carried on.
Pop a little lemon in there.
Mmm! Oh, my grandma would put some lemon on top as well.
Your grandma needs a slap in the chops.
Over on the Gold Wing, Matt and Ollie had realised that to even start cooking, first they'd have to stop.
Hey.
Nice.
OK, I'm freezing.
And Ollie had brought a friend.
Hey.
Oh, no, that's a different movie.
What are you going to do with that? Um, I didn't really think it through but, er, we're going to take the jowl off, which is this bit of meat here, and we're going to slow cook it between now and Lyon.
So hopefully maybe on top of the exhaust if we wrap it in tinfoil.
- OK.
- Or, er, or maybe by the front engine.
This was a breakthrough, and soon, with Tom and Sabine having put Granny Schmitz to one side - I was made for this Audi.
- Made for this, yeah.
Yeah.
.
.
we all came to the same conclusion.
So approximately how long do you think we need to leave it in there? - How long before we get to Lyon? - Five hours.
Five hours is perfect, perfect.
On the move again, we were proving beyond question that our luxury vehicles were easily a match for Eddie's train.
And as we clocked up the miles I can I can smell chicken! I can smell chicken! We are having a CAR-becue.
But as cold day became really freezing cold night, Ollie still faced some issues with Matt's alfresco kitchen.
How's it going? I got one out of three so far.
I don't really like asparagus that much anyway.
To make matters worse, over on the Smug Express - Your beef, sir.
- Oh, grazie mille, thank you.
You're welcome, sir.
This looks delicious.
I hate that Eddie Jordan.
Back on the Polar Express we were falling behind, and as we made yet another stop so that Ollie could actually get something done, I finally addressed the elephant in the room.
- Let me ask you a question.
- Shoot.
Do you think all this would have been easier in a car? Absolutely.
Easier but probably less fun.
Also I think if you're doing a challenge, you want it to be a challenge.
I'd rather do that than have it too easy.
I don't believe you.
In the Jag, we were discovering our carbecue might not be the flawless invention we'd hoped.
- The butter's not even melted.
- Well, it's trying to melt.
Mate, the chicken's still alive.
This is never going to get cooked in time.
Let's stick it in a hot, hot, hot, hot place.
- That's underneath the car.
- Yeah.
- OK, you ready? - Yep.
It's going to be a tight squeeze.
Ow! For [fuck's.]
sake! Still, at least we weren't stuck on the train.
My, my da-da-da-da And with that feeling of utter relief driving us towards the finish line, Sabine was the first to reach the chateau.
- I am so hungry.
- Check the fish, let's check the fish.
- Yeah.
Annoyingly, the Audi carbecue looked like it had worked.
- Hot, hot, hot.
- Hot hot.
But we were hot on their tail in the Jag.
- Wake up the judge.
- Kerridge is here.
- Judge, wake up, we are here.
Meanwhile Matt was OK, ready? Push.
.
.
a bit further back.
- Made it.
- Right, this is it.
Do you know who they've got judging this? Er, I wouldn't worry about it.
Probably the Stig in a chef's outfit.
Unfortunately, Matt was wrong.
Yes, judging the dishes in the inaugural episode of Top Great Master British Chef Menu Gear would be respected restaurant guru, Oliver Peyton.
(Come on, Matt.
) Oh, sorry.
Sorry we're late.
Well, welcome, everyone.
OK, shall we start? 'Sabine and Tom have prepared sea bass en papillote 'served with asparagus and truffle.
' The lemon's a bit punchy on that, Tom.
That's cos you took the lemon slice.
You shouldn't have put it on there if you didn't want me to have it.
'Chris and Tom are serving exhaust-smoked spatchcock chicken, 'seasoned with rosemary, lemon and black pepper.
' That used to taste of chicken.
- And it now tastes of? - Engine.
And that's the flavour we were going for.
'Finally, Matt and Ollie have prepared a roasted pork jowl 'with juniper and caraway.
' I'm surprised, the jowl is good.
I'll take that as a compliment of sorts.
No, it's a compliment.
It's a compliment.
OK, time to get serious.
The winner is - Tom Kitchen.
- Yeah! Well done, girl.
Well done to you.
'Bad luck, boys.
Still, could be worse.
' Mamma Mia, here I go again Bam bam, here I OK, coming up -- part two of the train film.
But Eddie, really? Spoons? I mean you don't get a lot of spoons these days.
Matt, you can't believe it.
They loved me.
Well, of course they did, what's not to love, huh? OK, ladies and gentlemen, the king of cutlery, the Clapton of the kitchen, Eddie Jordan.
OK, now it's time to welcome tonight's stars in a rally cross car.
How about Brian Cox and Bear Grylls? Guys, double handshake, right there.
- How are you, gentlemen? - Very, very good.
- On this fine day.
Perfect conditions for quick laps around the rally cross course.
No excuses, thank you very much.
I was hoping it'd be raining because I wanted an excuse.
I was hoping it would be a wet lap.
All right, so first of all, Brian, you tell us what Bear's up to.
Well, Bear Grylls is here to talk about his new novel, Burning Angels, which is out now.
And as we don't have any video footage, because it is a book .
.
here's Bear feeding Barack Obama some salmon.
Why not? - OK, shall we try a little bit of this? - Yeah, let's let's try that.
Mmm, that's tasty.
Well, that's proper Alaskan salmon for you.
Bear's a mediocre cook, but the fact that we ate something recognisable was encouraging.
Ah, encouraging.
Here's my question to you about that.
How did you get the leader of the free world to come on your TV show? Well, the White House contacted us and they said he's a big fan of Running Wild, would, um Would you take him on an adventure to Alaska.
But I thought it was like I thought it was a friend of mine's spoof, you know, I thought, "Oh, this isn't real.
" But, er, you know, it was definitely a daunting thing to do.
And I remember ringing my mum beforehand and saying, "I'm so nervous about doing this.
" And she goes, "Just remember, whoever they are, "they put their trousers on one leg at a time.
" And.
er - Anyway.
- Bear, your book, Bear -- Bear Grylls, Burning Angels.
Here we go, the second outing for Will Jaeger.
Now, Will Jaeger is a fictional character, OK, not based on anyone we know at all? Does he not drive the same car as Bear Grylls? He does, he drives a Land Rover.
The thing is, there are similarities.
- Does he not use the same knives as Bear Grylls? - He does.
Has he not been in a parachute accident, like Bear Grylls? He was.
But this is kind of where it ends, cos actually he's a much cooler, much smarter, much better, better-looking version.
You can't be any cooler and smarter than you.
You're being so modest.
No, he is.
Although he's got definitely a dark side to him and he gets taken on a pretty sort of ugly journey.
I mean Somebody said, "Oh, can I get my young scouts to read this?" And we do do these kid's fiction books as well, and I said, "No, this is an adult book and they went, "Adult?" And I went, "No, no, not like Not like ADULT book.
" - Yeah, I haven't drifted into, you know.
- Bear's in the bushes.
Exactly, so this is This is a grown-up book so it does go quite dark.
Can you tell us, please, if you don't mind, Mr G, what Mr C is up to.
I'd be delighted.
The very brilliant Professor Brian Cox has been filming a new BBC One show called Forces of Nature.
It's out in July and here we have an exclusive clip of Brian taking off in a Euro Fighter Typhoon Lucky you! - I know, yeah.
- .
.
chasing the sunset.
- Come on! Turning 69, with you on the right turn, heading - I have to say, that's the way to depart an airfield.
- Isn't it! Oh, right! How cool was that? Now, Brian, me and G-forces, we don't really get on, so that was, er, that was some G-forces you were pulling there.
Tell us about your pre-flight briefing.
They they tell you things like, "Well we're going to "We're going to fly at Mach 1.
4 towards Ireland, which is "what we're going to do.
" We were chasing the Sun.
So the idea was to show how fast the Earth is rotating.
Now, we're travelling at 600 miles an hour to get around the axis of the Earth.
And yet we don't feel it, so it's an interesting question in physics.
So the idea was to outrun the Sun, so we gunned this thing at Mach 1.
4, 20,000 feet towards Ireland and the sun came back up again cos we outran the Earth.
And then so I said to them, "What happens if we just, for television, "we don't quite get the sun up, can we carry on over Ireland?" And you know, you break the windows and everything, international incident, and I said, "What will happen?" And he said, "They'll see it coming on the early warning radar, "they'll [fuck.]
themselves and launch their Cessna.
" - Right, shall we get onto cars? - Yeah, we probably should.
OK, here we go.
Your car-off.
So -- first car, please, Bear Grylls.
My first car was a bright green Fiat Panda convertible.
Like this one? Oh, God.
Yeah, so I've got an older sister, so I inherited it off her but it was cheap and knackered when she had it.
By the time it got to me it was on its last legs.
Cos it was convertible, as well, once you went over 30 the roof would like, zoom, go back, so I had a climbing rope tied around it and I'd tie it round my leg, but, yeah, - it was fond memories.
- So you're up against the Fiat Panda.
Brian Cox, tell us about your first car, please.
It was a Ford Fiesta Mark 1.
OK, Ford Fiesta Mark 1.
Brian Cox.
Tell us about that photo, please.
That's what I used to look like in the '80s.
- It was a great car.
- But didn't you over-mod your car? Yeah, because it was a 1.
1 Fiesta so I think it was about 50bhp or something, and I had this thing called a I think it was called the KNN super filter charger, or something.
You'd take the air filter off the carburettor and stick this thing on and you'd get it up to about, I don't know what it was, 80, 90bhp or something.
But I couldn't afford to put bigger wheels on it, or the suspension, or the brakes or anything so it ended up wrapped round a lamppost.
But, you know.
And I was It couldn't handle the slight extra power.
Well, you say, hang on a minute.
Bear, he says, OK, he says it ended up wrapped around a lamppost.
- Weren't you racing a Mini at the time? - No, no, no, because that would be a naughty thing to do.
You were, you were.
He was racing a Mini at the time, he crashed into a lamppost and then he came up with the greatest excuse of all time.
- Brian.
- Motion is relative, and so it is perfectly possible to define myself as being in what's called an inertial frame of reference, as long as I wasn't accelerating in the car.
And therefore the lamppost was moving towards me and that's that's what happened.
So you're right, relativity could have stepped in.
So, er, car against car.
First car against first car.
Brian's Ford Fiesta against Bear's Fiat Panda.
OK, er which do you think? First of all, let's hear it for Bear's Fiat Panda.
Let's hear it for Brian's orbiting Ford Fiesta 1.
1.
First blood to you.
First blood to you, OK.
Best car ever, Bear Grylls, here we go.
Well, I've got I've got an Ex-SAS Gulf War One desert vehicle Oh, like this, you mean? That one.
That one.
It's perfect for the school run.
I can pick the boys up at school.
That is obviously a machinegun on the top.
I mean if someone puts a parking ticket on, can you just swing around like that? You have to have it decommissioned, that's part of the deal, isn't it? They're really boring about things like that.
They did make us decommission it, but it's actually not that hard to re-commission.
What are we going to go up against with that? A tough one to call this, Brian.
Best car ever, please.
Best car for me? I've got I've now The best car I've ever had is my one I've got at the moment, which is a Jaguar XF, which I love.
Jaguar XF, OK.
There you go.
Are you sure? That's the best one you can come up with? Well I've never had great cars.
I had the Fiesta, I had an Escort, that blew up on the motorway.
Er, I had a Rover 213 SE - Yeah.
- .
.
that I drove into the side of a transit van.
That wasn't my fault.
That was He went through a stop sign and I ended up sat inside a transit van in my written-off Rover 213 SE.
I was like, "It can't get any worse than this.
" But this is a very safe car.
That's probably why you've chosen it.
I mean it does look like it's ready to crash, it looks like it's frowning.
It's like, "Oh Brian's going to crash me now, any minute now.
"Oh, God.
" It looks so tense, doesn't it? Don't you think? - I'm very careful these days.
- OK, so Er, best car ever, we have Brian's Jaguar XF against Bear's - What would you like to call it again? - Desert military vehicle.
Does it have a name? - Well, let's call it a DMV.
- OK.
- There's no competition here.
There's no There's zero competition.
Well, it's all right, you're 1-0 up, it's OK.
Let's hear it for Brian's Jag XF.
Let's hear it for Bear's school run DMV.
- He's a mountain.
- It's 1-1.
It's perfect, it's poetry.
It is, it's beautiful car that.
It's down to the laps, everybody.
Here we go.
So we'll go first of all Shall we look at Bear's lap first? OK.
Here we go.
Bear Grylls, conqueror of Earth's most hostile climates, but can he conquer our fearsome new track? Oh, I love a gentle drive in the countryside.
I'm sure you do, but this is a competition.
Focus, Grylls -- first corner.
And off road we go.
OK, come on BG, hold it together, into the water.
The natural habitat of a bear.
Tricky corner coming up.
Did he keep it under control? Yes, he did.
Secret there to slow down and not brake.
Hammerhead and he's got a slide on! Very good.
Back into the wilds, his natural habitat for our second dirt section, and the hairpin, bit of handbrake, yes or no? No.
But that's OK.
Big jump.
Woooooaaaaa! How much air will Bear get? Good air from Bear.
Might have lost it a little bit back there, but we're still going to win this.
Fighting talk from Grylls.
OK, just got to nail these last two corners.
Easier said than done.
Wide line into second to last.
Final corner.
A bonus extra bit of off-road, and over the line.
Not bad.
- What do you think? - Well, it wasn't - It wasn't pretty but it was very fun.
- It was exciting, though.
- Thank you.
- All right, would you like to see Professor Brian? Yeah! Brian, looking at that lap, does it worry you at all? Yes, it looked smooth and professional, that did.
So I'm very worried now.
Can I say, the thing is when you watch it, it looks quite sedate.
Cut to us inside, it is like It's chaos in there.
It's like, whoa! The jump, it feels like you're in the air for a long time.
And then when you see it, it looks like you just plonk.
No, it's very impressive.
OK, here we go, Brian Cox on the line.
Brian Cox, a space man in our rally cross Mini.
That's flat out all the way.
They look like good conditions out here.
Now they were, warm and dry, no excuses for a slow time, to be honest.
None whatsoever.
Too fast.
Through the water! Yes! Nothing like a cold splash on a hot day.
Toughest corner coming up.
This is going to be [BLEEP.]
.
Very nicely dealt with.
OK, Hammerhead, looking good.
That looks tight, it looks slow so therefore it's tight.
Off road again, dust, huge clouds, like a Mexican rally stage, and taking it wide, slow in, tight round, quick out, not bad.
Oh, he was there for like a millisecond.
This is one of the scariest things I've ever done, actually.
Past the tyre wall.
Now that is really quick, that is very, very quick.
He's a musician, he's beautiful, he's in motion.
He's poetry personified.
Round the last corner, much tighter than Bear and across the line.
Like the look of that, what did you think? Yeah.
That was definitely the least spectacular of my efforts.
What would you prefer? Drama to show your kids or a quick time for your ego? Mmm, yeah, all right, quick time.
OK, all right, so here we go.
Let's go first of all Bear Grylls.
Great lap.
- Good-looking lap.
- Got to beat Gordon, come on.
OK, so you want to beat Gordon Ramsay, do you? OK.
Well, Bear It's ambitious, ambitious.
You completed our lap in 1.
54.
You've beaten Gordon, my friend.
1.
54.
4.
There you go.
- Third position.
Good.
OK.
- That's fast.
- Right.
- That's fast.
- Can I just say, Brian, forget everybody that's either side of Bear, OK? - Because you two are so close it's only really about you two.
- Ah.
- OK.
- Really? - Yes.
Honestly.
- Wow, wow, nice.
You're either going to be third or fourth, but that doesn't matter.
OK, cos you're so close, you're the two closest celebs on the same show, all right? So it's just about this, OK? Professor Brian Cox, less dramatic but was it quicker? What if it was less dramatic and less quick? - That would be terrible.
- You can't go home if that's the case.
All right, Brian you did it in 1 53.
9! That is joint second.
Let's put it there, let's put him there with Damian.
Well done! Congratulations, well done.
- Thank you.
- Bear Grylls, Brian Cox! Now, there's been a lot of talk about this next car.
Too much talk? I don't think so, because this car might just be on the cusp of changing everything.
Not with a bang, not with a roar, not with a billowing cloud of smoke, but with stealth, sophistication and silence.
Welcome to the future.
This is the Tesla Model X.
Yes, it's an electric car, but the Model X is an electric car that might just do to petrol and diesel what the Ford Model T did to the horse.
Not so long ago, most electric cars were little more than spruced-up golf buggies, and about as refined.
But here I am in a spacious, luxurious, six-seat SUV that's aced every single crash test it's ever been in.
Out there, in New York, it might all be kicking off big-style.
Out in New York City! But in here, I'm cocooned in this bubble of serenity.
I don't have to worry about changing gears cos there aren't any, there's no engine noise, cos there's no engine.
What's there instead isn't all that ground-breaking.
A big lithium ion battery pack sends power to an electric motor on each axle, the usual drill.
The challenge has always been about making this system work on a practical level, getting you where you need to go, when you need to go, without worrying how far you need to go.
Tesla reckon this thing can do 250 miles, and it can be recharged in as little as 30 minutes from one of Tesla's superchargers .
.
which are free to use, IF you can find one.
Extra range means extra weight, though.
This mid-size SUV weighs more than a Range Rover.
But that extra bulk sits below the floor, which gives the Model X a very low centre of gravity.
As a result, it doesn't roll around.
I mean it's no sports car, but in the bends, it stays surprisingly flat.
There's really not an awful lot of feedback from the steering wheel, but because it has no engine, and it's silent, you can hear the tyres as they approach the limits of grip and you're driving with your ears.
It's a very strange sensation but I like it.
Electric motors give you all of their torque from zero rpm, standstill.
You get all of the power available instantly.
Whooooooo! It's not acceleration as we know it, but damn, it's addictive.
And that's not the only game-changer.
The Model X has been equipped with rear falcon wing doors.
Not only do they look cool, they're practical, too.
Perfect if you find yourself blocked in at a car park.
How cool is that? But I need to be in the front to drive the Oh.
Then there's the bio weapon defence mode, which provides medical grade air filtration.
- Hey doc, how you getting on back there? - Just finishing up.
Everything clean? Nice and sterile.
And the futuristic options list continues with autopilot.
Not only will it accelerate, brake and steer for you, but flick the indicator and it will even change lane for you.
My God, that is very weird.
I'm totally freaked out right now.
Tesla reckon their autopilot system is actually twice as safe as the average human driver.
So this is an EV that has the range for the open road, will keep you alive during a chemical weapons attack and will drive itself.
Is this the car, then, that will cure us of our petrol obsession? Don't need you, don't need you.
I don't need you, I don't need you.
I don't need you.
It's all very novel, but to really succeed, electric cars will have to convince die-hard petrolheads.
And they like stuff like this.
The Dodge Challenger Hellcat.
It doesn't have a clever air freshener.
It has a 6.
2 litre supercharged V8.
Perfect for a drag race.
So guys, what's going to win? The most powerful production muscle car in the world or the family van? Hellcat.
707 horsepower, bro.
You ain't going to get it.
All right, we'll see, we'll see.
Get them groceries.
What they don't know is I've got a little thing called Ludicrous mode.
And in Ludicrous mode the Model X recalibrates itself for maximum power and the result is .
.
quite dramatic.
Three, two, one, go! Oh, yeah! 0-60 in 3.
2 seconds.
Electrons for the win! I've destroyed him! I've destroyed him! - Oh, he's got it.
- No way.
He got it.
What does that make me? Am I still a petrolhead? What were you saying? Hellcat who? Hellcat who? Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten From the Battery to the top of Manhattan Asian, Middle-Eastern and Latin Black, white New York, you make it happen I've nearly done 200 miles driving all around New York State.
I've done a drag race, which I won, and I've still got, let's see, 21 miles of range left to go.
That's unreal.
Could the Model X be it, then? The actual car of the future? Well, the oil's running out, so something has to give, but the Model X doesn't quite have all the answers.
Of course, there are no emissions from the Model X itself, but it's only as green as the energy you put into it.
If your power company's making its juice by burning rainforests and puppies, then you can't exactly claim the moral high ground.
And when it comes to the UK, this family car is likely to cost about £90,000.
So the Model X won't be mobilising the masses quite like the Model T did.
But it is the start of something.
Everything changes right now.
The Model X pushes the reset button.
Forget cylinders and super unleaded cos the future is cells and super-capacitors.
There's no point trying to fight it cos you can't stop it.
The future is here and it's electric.
Rory, talk to me.
I mean this is THE congregation of petrolheads! Yeah, this is the holy temple of hydrocarbons.
Are you telling us that the future is electric? I knew that wouldn't go down well, but you've got to face up to it.
Electric is part of the future.
Yeah, but the future for me is like the Aston Martin DB11, the Bugatti Chiron, the new Ford GT I like all of those cars, but they still use old technology.
They're compromised.
Electric power gives you no compromises.
You don't have to choose between performance, or practicality, or eco friendliness.
You have all three things in one package.
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
Well, just out of curiosity, next week you're driving the new Jaguar F Type SVR, right? - Yeah, yeah.
- The one with that big, massive V8 gasoline engine, right? - Sure am.
- And how was it? - Awesome! I want one.
- You do? - You need to drive it, man.
It's incredible.
- You loved it? - Yeah.
- Loved it? - Loved it! Ladies and gentlemen, a slightly hypocritical Rory Reid.
All right, now back to our train film.
Two cars and a motorcycle on the road, versus Eddie Jordan on the rails, and sometimes off the rails.
We set off early, eager to cover the best miles of the drive to Venice.
Mountains! Nice road.
This is where the bike is nice.
I can enjoy the view a little better.
I have no roof.
Good view, but a cold ass.
I'm going to freeze my cubes off if it gets any colder.
Yes, as we swept across the Alps, spirits were high.
Wooo! Beautiful! Oh, this is so pretty.
Look at this! Yeah, you don't get this on the train, no way.
Beat this experience, Jordan.
Come on, this is gorgeous! Well, speaking of gorgeous There's only one thing better than a trip through the Alps, and that's a trip through the Alps eating lobster.
Whatever, Jordan.
Look at this.
Clear blue skies, the mountain air, in the Alps, on the way to Venice, what's not to like? Well, there's always something.
Hello, Eddie.
Chris! I've got another challenge for you.
OK It says, "Today you must travel 500 miles to Venice.
" We're already doing that.
Good.
"Your rendezvous point is the prestigious Gritti Palace "in the heart of Venice.
"If you arrive after Eddie" That's me.
".
.
the train has won.
Oh, that seems fair.
How come? Don't be late.
Bye-bye! With luxury taking a back seat, this was now a straight race between road and rail.
Luckily, our early start meant we'd already reached Italy, and were well on our way to Venice.
But, with Eddie looking steady, if not slightly in the lead, we had to get a move on.
Not to mention work out how to actually reach the finish line.
Can you drive to the hotel? What are we How are we supposed to get there? We don't have a boat.
That clearly remains to be seen.
Thankfully though, Matt, you and I have some of our budget left.
The German, on the other hand, she may be swimming.
Yes, the race for luxury grand tour bragging rights was on.
Even Eddie had found another gear.
I need a word with the driver.
Although clearly Venice, mucho rapido, si? .
.
he had no idea how trains work.
- Rapido! - OK, OK! The race is on now, boys.
And girl.
Push, baby, push.
Chris, get out of my way! I want to win the race! As expected though, the cost of Sabine's Audi soon began to take its toll.
They want my money again! Oh-oh.
20 My calculation says that I have enough money to fill it up to get to Venice, and maybe I have some money left for the toll as well.
It's really tricky.
And she wasn't the only one with problems.
The Gold Wing's small tank meant Matt was wasting valuable time on fuel stops.
You know, the quicker the pace, obviously the more fuel I use.
Probably have to stop for fuel at least two more times.
It'S going to be tight.
Matt may have been falling behind, but I was being distracted by the world's most irritating man.
You'd better make sure you're there on time! Well, you'd better get there.
Chris! - You'd better get there.
- Chris! Enough.
It was time to floor it.
Go, go, go, go! Whoa! I just saw the first sign for Venice.
While I started to reel Sabine back in Get out of my way! Mrs Schmitz is on the road.
Meep, meep! .
.
Matt's pace was getting more and more economical.
I love these tunnels.
I hate this tunnel.
With night falling, we'd closed in on Venice, and, with Eddie's train stuck at Saga speed, by the time he arrived, we'd be breathing down his neck.
Well, when I say "we", I mean two of us.
My gosh, it's far to Venice.
But I think I'm in the lead.
We'll see.
Good luck with that.
Venezia, 10km, yes.
Come on! I made it! With Sabine's cash flow now critical I have three pence left.
.
.
as we hit Venice, this was just the advantage I needed.
I've got loads of money left from my initial budget, so I can afford the quickest water taxi transfer to the Gritti Palace, wherever that is, so I've got a chance.
I have got a chance.
No, he doesn't.
Hello, Venice.
Ah, taxi.
Here we are! With no money left for a water taxi, I would have to find my way to the finish on foot.
This is it, this is the car park.
Gritti Palace? - Yeah.
- Thank you, grazie.
Water, check.
Water everywhere! Excuse me, are you a water taxi? Ah, we go this way.
Cutting it close.
Very, very close.
Back in the actual race, I'd found a speed boat.
We've got to go! However, immediately there was a problem.
Venice, it seems, has a water speed limit.
Well, here we are, hurtling towards the Gritti Palace at 7km an hour.
To make matters worse, Sabine was covering the ground like some sort of Terminator.
Excuse me! Sorry! Come on, come on, we need to get there.
I haven't seen Chris or Sabine for about four hours.
So I think I'm still ahead of them.
Must be this way.
Come on! Yeah, come on, Gianluca! This is the hotel! I can see it.
Oh, sorry! Sorry, sorry! Gritti Palace, we're here! - Oh, nein! - Sabine! Eddie! Sabine, brilliant! Oh, made it! So, you are You are first here from the other two.
Not Matt, not here? Nobody? Just you and me, and I've just beaten you.
Oh, no! Grab a seat.
Oh.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my goodness! Heyyy! - She beat you! - Hi! - Hi.
We are here since a couple of minutes.
- Well done.
- Are you dead? You're not dead, are you? No, I had a great time! You've never looked more relaxed.
- I've had the couple of days from heaven, man.
- Look at you! OK.
Home stretch.
What a blast.
And well done to Eddie, victory for the train, completely undermining the reason for Top Gear, but you know, what the heck? Excuse me! For once, I was only doing what I was told to.
Oh, OK, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
Just one more thing, now you had a great time? Absolutely.
- We had a great time.
You won.
- Yes, of course.
We lost.
However, we got to keep these.
Sabine Yeah! My Audi A8, un-destructible.
Yeah, I will never sell my gorgeous Jag, never going to sell it.
Yeah, my Gold Wing, loved it.
For sale, anybody want to buy it? So, Eddie, what were you left with? Ha-ha! - I got - Oh, no! No! No, no, no, no! Right, next week the Zenos and the BMW M2.
The Jaguar F Type, and the new Rolls-Royce Dawn.
Goodnight, everyone! Goodnight!