Top Gear (2002) s25e02 Episode Script

Hello and welcome to Top Gear.
On tonight's show, we've got big trucks, tiny tanks and a flying car.
That's right, you heard me, a flying car.
But first, let's talk about McLaren, OK? They used to be really good at making F1 cars go really fast.
Nowadays, not so much.
Sorry, Fernando.
But as Chris will explain, all that victory champagne they haven't been drinking has left them very clear-headed for thinking up supercars.
This is the McLaren 720S.
It costs over £200,000, which is proper supercar money.
And you have to admit, it looks like a proper supercar, too.
MOTOR REVS Sculptured .
.
theatrical, everything a supercar should be.
But the first thing that hits you about the 720 is how unsupercar-y it feels out on the road.
It's polite.
It's easy to drive.
That might sound weird because it costs 200 grand, so it really ought to, right? But most supercars aren't polite and they aren't easy to drive.
For starters, there's the visibility.
I mean, in most supercars, you feel like you've been kidnapped in a particularly cramped postbox.
But not the 720.
In here, it's light and airy, glassy.
And as for the ride, well, that's not very supercar-y either.
Now, traditionally, to make a supercar go round a track without ending up on its roof on fire, it had to have super stiff suspension.
But that meant that driving it on a lumpy road like this was about as comfortable as, I don't know, mistaking your contact lens solution for chilli oil.
But the 720S is anything but traditional.
Its cross-linked hydraulic suspension is the result of a five-year PhD project at the University of Cambridge.
Seriously, doctors of suspension.
And those doctors clearly know their stuff because driving this thing in its slackest mode, the ride is so good.
It's so comfortable, so supple.
It's like witchcraft! Good Lord! Fast! There's more cutting-edge design in the pared back bodywork.
Those gaping headlights might look a bit Skeletor, but they also act as air intakes.
Likewise, the doors, which are double-skinned, creating hidden channels that draw cold air into the engine.
The result is a car that is twice as aerodynamically efficient as the old 650S it replaces.
It's all very clever.
But cleverness doesn't make a supercar.
What makes a supercar is going really, really fast.
This is Portimao.
One of Europe's finest racetracks.
And one with a special place in my heart because back when I was still living on the internet, I came here with the three fastest road cars ever made.
The Porsche 918 Spider.
The LaFerrari.
And the McLaren P1.
This, then, is the perfect place to test extreme speed.
Right, then, it's got 720 horsepower from a twin turbo V8, back there, and it weighs about 1,400kg, which is the same as a Golf.
Should be quite rapid, then.
That is mighty fast! Quicker than I'd expected.
McLaren claims 0-60 in 2.
9 seconds.
Four seconds later, it's doing 120mph.
Top speed - 212! And the handling, well, it's flat, it's grippy, it's accurate.
It really is very, very sharp.
Racing-car like.
It's animal.
It's a proper animal.
Now, when you need a break from going really fast facing forward, the 720S has something called variable drift control.
This lets you select your preferred drift angle, and the car will take care of the rest.
The other, less sophisticated, method is to turn all of that .
.
off.
Woohoo! How good is that?! HE CHUCKLES I have to say, I've driven some pretty serious machinery around this track, and this thing feels about as quick as any of them.
Which is why I've invited along a special guest.
You see, a few years ago when I got those three cars together, it was that one that went fastest of all.
The McLaren P1.
£800,000.
900 horsepower.
And quicker around this track than the LaFerrari and the 918 Spider.
So, the question is, just how close can the 720S get to its big brother, the reigning champion? Well, to find out, obviously I need to lap the P1 again.
I'm selfless like that.
So, same conditions for both cars, one flying lap, here goes.
I'm all ends up.
That's all the braking I've got.
Can I get it through? Good Lord! So much flatter and stiffer after the 720.
It's got power.
It's completely addictive.
You can't believe that the new car can get anywhere near to it.
Whoa-ho-ho! It's slammed onto the deck, 200 horsepower more than the 720S, it's got everything more.
Just so violent.
Pin your ears back and feel that 900 horsepower! Oh! Yeah.
It doesn't get much better than that for me.
OK, the time for the P1 was 1:54.
07.
1:54.
07.
OK, so, I think that is a good time, and I struggle to see how the 720 can get anywhere near it.
So, 1:54.
07.
I mean, that's mighty fast around here.
Yes, hyper-car fast.
Make no mistake, to even get within sight of the P1, the 720S has its work cut out.
I mean, it does feel faintly ridiculous to even think that this relatively normal series production car can get anywhere near it.
All right, let's start to push.
Brake hard into turn one.
Don't overcook it.
Get on the gas early, use all the kerb.
Get out of the corner.
Full power.
The P1 bludgeons it down the straights.
But this is closer than I expected.
God, that's lairy.
This is crucial now.
I'm flat now.
I'm flat now.
It feels wrong to be flat there.
Over the line.
You can do it.
You can do it.
There we go.
Right, let's have a look.
What's it done? So, the P1 did 1:54.
07.
I know it monsters this in a straight line, but this feels so good.
So, can I have the lap time, please? The 720 did it in a 1:55.
20.
1:55.
20, so half a second off.
So, it was half a second slower.
That's remarkable! Do half a second on your stopwatch.
Get your watch and go bang, bang, and look at how long half a second is.
Remember, the P1 is £600,000 more expensive than this car.
Imagine going to the bank manager and saying, "Can I borrow 600 grand, "please, so I can go half a second quicker?" I think I'd just save the cash.
The 720S is the next stage of supercar evolution, a step forward so great that it's difficult to make sense of in conventional terms.
Now, in the world of computers, there's something called Moore's law which observes that every two years, the power of a microchip doubles.
Moore's law is why your new smartphone is so much better than your last one.
And the 720S, well, it's Moore's law for fast.
Now, I know £200,000 is an awful lot of money.
But look at it another way - in just four years, the cost of going McLaren P1 fast has quartered.
That makes this 720S a complete bargain.
A brilliant British bargain.
- Well done.
- What a car.
Incredible stuff.
Incredible stuff.
Decent driving as well.
I'm sorry? Earlier, you said it was great driving.
Well, I don't want to give you too much of a big head.
Listen, this film raises a couple of big issues, so we should start with the biggest.
This.
What's going on here? You've got race gloves.
- Mm-hm.
- Race helmet.
- Mm-hm.
- T-shirt.
- It was hot.
- It was hot? - It was hot.
- I'm thinking safety.
If you have a big fiery crash, your hands will be fine, but your arms will melt.
We'll have to attach your hands to your helmet.
Can we just get back to the point of the film, please, Rory? Yeah, which was that the more powerful, more expensive car was faster than the cheaper, less powerful car.
- Ground-breaking.
- Come on.
It was only a tiny bit slower.
It really is stupidly quick.
OK, I've worked it out - at this rate of progress, OK, in two years' time, a car this fast will be 100 grand.
OK? Four years after that, 25 grand.
- Mm-hm.
- In a decade, you'll be able to go McLaren P1 fast for about five grand.
It's basic maths, Rory.
- I like that maths.
- Now, this is normally the bit where we'd hand over the 720S to the Stig to find out how fast it goes around our test track.
But it's just too cold out there today to get any temperature into those tyres, and we want to give McLaren a fair crack of the whip, so we're going to invite it back later in the year, and we'll also get the Ferrari FXX-K from last year and maybe the Bugatti Chiron, too.
Watch this space.
Now, for some cars that don't care about the weather, off-roaders, and I don't mean this I don't even know what this is.
No, I'm talking nimble stuff to get you deep into the wilderness, way off the beaten path deep, bugs in your teeth, never recover the bodies deep, like, deep, OK? There's a whole world of off-road toys out there, so I've rounded up some of the best and headed to the woods in America for a little camping trip.
COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS Welcome to backcountry.
If you're going to do a job, do it right, and this is how you do camping.
The Ford F-650 super truck.
Six tonnes and 28ft of go-anywhere vehicle, plus 28ft of trailer full of go-anywhere vehicles.
I've got everything I need for a little weekend in the woods.
There's just one small .
.
bald thing left to pack.
Look at that, that's cool.
I've got a whistle on my clip.
HE WHISTLES And there he is.
KLAXON BLARES You're kidding me.
I shouldn't have expected anything less, should I, really? There you are.
What is that?! This is the Ford F-650 super truck.
I'm speechless.
It's massive.
What's in the trailer? Well, that's a surprise.
A couple of goodies for us.
Come on, hop in.
Oh, look at the step! What's this? What is all that? That's my camping equipment.
This is Look how high it is off the ground! It's great, isn't it? - What a vehicle.
- Is it nice, or what? - What's it got for a motor? Come on.
- Oh, a big one.
It's got a caterpillar C-7.
330 horse, 850 lb-ft of torque.
How much money for this? About £175,000.
- What?! - Yeah.
- 175 grand?! Yeah.
Guess how much fuel it holds.
- I've no idea.
- 800 litres.
So, it's over a grand to fill up in the UK.
Wow.
But we weren't in the UK.
We were in the US .
.
heading towards the vast mountainous wilderness of the Shasta-Trinity National Forest.
By the way, what are you wearing? My outdoor clothing.
We're in Northern California.
It gets cold at night.
Snakes, poison oak, they've got bear, black bear, brown bear.
OK.
Are there any known cases of human beings defending themselves against grizzly bear attacks using one of Swiss army's smaller knives? That will serve you best if you use it to slit your own throat before the bear gets to you.
This felt like a good opportunity to tell Chris that, to help us test our off-road toys, I had planned an exciting little project.
Now, in these woods is something very special, and we are going to go and find it.
You and I are going to go and find Bigfoot.
- HE LAUGHS Yeah! - No, what?! You and I are going to go find Bigfoot.
We're going to go and find something that doesn't exist? No, no, no, no, he exists.
What do you mean, he exists? He exists.
This is where that Patterson film was shot, that original footage that you see, you know, when he's looking back over his shoulder.
That was around here.
Oh, the grainy footage of the bloke dressed as a gorilla? No, no, OK, first OK, he's not a gorilla.
He's an ape-like, humanlike beast that lives in these woods.
You've brought me here under false pretences.
- We're going camping.
- Yes.
And we're going to test these off-road toys, and we're going to test these off-road toys in the process of looking - and finding - Bigfoot.
You've lost it, mate.
I haven't lost it at all.
Go ahead, ask somebody.
So, as we arrived in the sprawling metropolis ofHayfork, that's exactly what I did.
I've been brought here to look for something called Bigfoot.
I can't hear you.
What? Do you believe in Bigfoot? - Yeah.
- You believe in Bigfoot? - Yeah.
- Find another one.
OK, she looks less mad.
Excuse me, madam.
Bigfoot, have you ever seen a Bigfoot? No, I've never seen him, but I know he's out there.
You know he's out You KNOW he's out there? - Oh, yes, he's out there.
- Thank you, and have a nice day.
Thank you! He's brought me here to find Bigfoot.
That's a possibility.
- I'm sorry? - The last time I've seen a footprint was back in '96, but, you know, it doesn't mean he's not still here.
So, you believe that there's something out there.
Has to be.
Where else would the footprint come from? How can you say he's not out there? I can't say for sure what's out there, and I can't say for sure what's not out there.
- But that doesn't - OK, period, full-stop.
- But that doesn't support your belief that there's an 8ft gorilla out there.
He's not a He's not a gorilla.
OK? Can we please stop referring to him as a gorilla? This is madness.
Look at that view.
Come on! Now, you look over there in those woods.
They just go on and on and on.
Look how dense it is.
There could be something hiding, you'd never know it was there.
There's parts of this forest where man has not been.
- I mean, there's no - I know what you're going to say.
- What? - But just because it's a large area doesn't mean that that could support an entire population of 8ft gorillas.
ANGRY: They're not gorillas! Many slightly frosty miles later, we arrived at our destination.
Unsure of what lay ahead of us and what, if anything, might be hiding in the woods we decided to set up camp, which in my case was the work of a moment.
Look at that.
What is that? That is my self-erecting tent.
That is genius British engineering there.
- You know there's mountain lions out here? - Yeah? So, in that, you're basically a human burrito, OK? You think about that.
Here, I got you some clothes and some books on Bigfoot, so you can brush up on your knowledge, huh? - We're going to find him.
- Books on Bigfoot? - Yeah.
Oh, for crying out loud.
What absolute rubbish.
Now, this is absolute rubbish! Here we go.
Matt will find this irritating.
It has actually got a strand that links it to the gorilla.
Also the lemur, an animal only found on Madagascar, which has never been in contact with this continent.
Oh, it's just rubbish.
Absolute rubbish.
But sadly, not quite as rubbish as the clothes Matt had found for me.
What have you done with these trousers? - How do they fit? Good? - No, they fit terribly.
- Oh.
Did you grow? - What's that? That? - That's your Bigfoot Patrol patch.
- Why don't you have one? Well, because I'm the sheriff, you're the deputy.
You wear the patch.
- Oh, my God.
- Where are you going? Where are you going? Sensing a slight lack of motivation in Chris, it was time to inject some enthusiasm and open up the toy box.
Huh? THEY LAUGH Total arsehole! What is that? It's called the SHERP.
It comes from Russia.
It was designed for workers in their gear to access inaccessible terrain.
Huh? Which is perfect for us because now it will take us and our gear out to where Bigfoot is.
It's like a Tonka toy with 747 wheels on it.
- It's awesome.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's great.
- How do I get in? Right here.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Watch your head.
- Oh, yes.
- Huh? - Look at this.
How great is that? Costs about £90,000, and I know that sounds like a lot for an off-road toy, but you do get a lot of .
.
what, tyre for your money.
Is the steering wheel extra? Yeah, no steering wheel.
It's like a skid steer.
You steer it with these.
Right brake brakes the right wheels, left brake brakes the left wheels.
- Right, come on, let's go.
- All right.
- Not the tent! - INNOCENTLY: What? Eager to do some exploring, we headed deeper into the woods.
Yes, baby! And honed from over 20 years' experience on the Siberian tundra, the SHERP is the perfect vehicle for the job.
Robust, reliable, with a reassuringly Russian attitude to comfort.
What's the suspension? Well, there really isn't a suspension.
Suspension is basically the sidewall of the tyre.
44 horsepower.
44 horsepower? - Yeah.
- Dude, I've got a Peugeot hatchback with more power than that! Yeah, but can your Peugeot hatchback do this? CHRIS LAUGHS That is impressive.
- That's pretty cool.
- That's impressive.
True to its promise, the SHERP had taken us a very long way off-road.
But just when I thought we were back to making a motoring show OK, this is a good spot here.
- Good spot for what? - I'm going to hang up some meat, set some traps, huh? I'm sorry? Hold that.
- Doughnuts? What's that? - Hold this.
- What is that? - Hold it.
It's meat.
Where's your knife? These two trees right here, does that look good? I was there when Matt LeBlanc finally lost his mind.
No.
What are you? Seriously? You know what this is? This is a trail camera.
It's got a motion sensor in it.
When Bigfoot walks by, takes a bite of meat, we get a picture, we buy an island, we retire.
You know, people say, "I'm going to look for him here, "I'm going to look for him there, but we're looking for him right where he's going to be.
On the subject of meat, hunters - this country's full of people with guns and stuff that go and shoot stuff.
- Yeah.
- Why has no-one ever shot a Bigfoot? - They've shot a grizzly bear, haven't they? - Yeah.
- And a black bear.
You know, that's a good question.
I think, and this is just my opinion, I think it's because, let's say you're out hunting and you see a Bigfoot, and many hunters have seen a Bigfoot and there's stories those guys will tell where they see him, they've got their finger on the trigger, they've got them in the sights, and they just Cos it has this man-like quality .
.
they can't pull the trigger.
Also, could be that you don't believe it.
Is it a guy in a suit? I don't know.
Is it a hoax? I don't know.
Pull the trigger, you shoot a guy in a suit.
You shoot a guy in a suit, you're in trouble.
That's murder.
Nobody wants to be a murderer.
And do you really want to be the one that shot Bigfoot? I want to be the one that has a beer with Bigfoot.
Increasingly worried where this was all heading, I needed a distraction.
Oh, it just goes anywhere.
Here, look at this rock.
Go right over it.
One wheel or two wheels up it? I think one wheel up, one wheel off.
- OK.
- If you don't hear that big bang, we're good.
BANG! You know the unstoppable SHERP? - Yeah.
- I think I just stopped it.
Fortunately, it's a lot lighter than it looks.
MATT CHUCKLES So, if you've got an angry half-Italian with you, it'll go anywhere! Just as I thought we'd found some common ground in the intrepid SHERP, though, the voices in Matt's head piped up AGAIN.
All right, shut her down.
What have you got in there? All right, I've got pheromones and another trail camera.
- Pheromones? - Yeah.
Pheromones.
Bigfoot is going to get a whiff of this, and he - or she - is going to say, "What is that amazing smell?" And come running to the party.
Come on, here, spread a little of that around.
Enter my territory? - Yeah.
- For real? - That's for real.
OK, now I'll set the camera, huh, comes running in, he's all excited, and we got him.
Come on, let's go.
I'm still driving because this thing is so cool.
Yeah, but you haven't seen the SHERP's coolest trick yet.
- What? - You know what that is? - What is it? - It drifts.
- No, it doesn't.
- Yes, it does.
- With 44 horsepower, no, it doesn't.
It drifts, I'm telling you.
See, drifting.
It's not quite what I had in mind, but very cool.
- Have you seen him yet? - No, not yet.
Have you seen him yet? No, I haven't seen him yet.
When I see him, believe me, you'll be the first to know.
OK.
- What about now? - Shut up! I've had enough of this.
This is just ridiculous.
What exactly are you going to do if you spot a Bigfoot? And it's a massive if.
When we see him, you're going to gun it full speed at the bank - and I'm going to get the rope.
- Gun it? What's the maximum speed of the SHERP? - In the water? - Yeah.
- I don't really know.
Let's open it up and find out.
And immediatelythere was a problem.
This is full speed? I think we're going to need something much faster.
OK.
Back to camp? Yeah.
So, we headed for dry land.
- I love this moment.
- This is the good bit.
And back at Bigfoot HQ .
.
we ditched the SHERP and Matt revealed the next phase of Operation Find An Imaginary Creature.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Huh? - Now, they are cool.
OK, phase two, motocross bikes, but not just your normal motocross bikes, these are Alta Redshifts.
These are awesome.
I've heard about these.
Yeah, they're supposed to be great, and they're pure electric, so they're quiet, stealthy, just what we need for sneaking up on Bigfoot, huh? Now, which one do you want, the white or the yellow? - I'd really like - You take the white one, that's a good choice.
All right, now, we've done the Bigfoot groundwork.
Now we need to get up to higher ground.
- Why? - Do you want to ride the bikes, yes or no? Yes.
So, now Matt wanted us to climb the nearest mountain.
Still, could be worse.
This is so much fun! And it's so fast! Whoa-ho-ho! With backing from some of Tesla's guys who, let's face it, know a thing or two about making electric stuff go fast, Alta has been quietly taking the motocross world by storm.
Normally, I just hate the fact that there's no petrol engine, but in this I just don't miss it.
I don't either, I've got to be honest.
And if you're a total novice like me, you don't have to use the gears.
Yeah, there's no clutch, no nothing.
Super, super smooth.
I love it.
But the cutting edge of two-wheeled off-roading That's outrageous! .
.
does come at a premium.
It's a little pricey for a dirt bike.
12 grand.
For the technology, 12 grand seems like good value.
Without a doubt, this is the most impressive thing I've been on or in that has an electric motor.
It's magnificent.
And it's so quiet.
Oh, what a thing! What a way to save the planet.
This is definitely the future.
I'm blown away at the performance, I've got to say.
But then Whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop! .
.
from the sublime to That could be Bigfoot poop.
Oh, come on! I'm telling you, totally could be.
He's walking along here.
It's got all kinds of nuts.
It looks like human food in it.
Don't see any doughnut.
Oh, really? MATT SNIFFS - It smells like - BLEEP.
CHRIS LAUGHS Can we just get to the top of wherever we're going, please? All right.
All right, I'll tell you what, hotshot, I'll race you.
First one to the top wins.
- Ready? - Yeah.
- Go! The race was on, but straight awayI had a problem.
Matt.
He really is a bit handy at this whole biking thing.
Stop hitting me with rocks! - Sorry.
- I'm nothing like as good as him.
But I've got two things on my side.
One, sanity.
Two, guile.
I can feel a short cut coming on here.
But the trouble with short cuts is Where do we go here? .
.
there's usually a good reason why they aren't just called "the way".
Oh, this is a nightmare.
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? There he is! Where did he come from? I've got to stay ahead of him.
I've got to stay ahead of him.
I can't hear him.
I'm right behind you! Right, I've just got to stay in front of him for as long as possible, haven't I? Oh, he's not looking where he's going! Oh, I've gone wide here! Oh! Through, on the back wheel as well! - I got him! I got him! - You cheeky sod! Oh, the dust isn't good.
Now I can't see anything.
- Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - I see the top.
Where's he gone? Where do you Oh, it's up here.
Please have fallen off.
Please have fallen off.
No, he's not fallen off.
Hey! - Oh! - Excellent! - With a pro dismount at the top! - Yes! We'd made it to the top of the mountain.
And as the sun set on our first day in the forest, there was just one important job left to do.
Yes, we were going to talk to Bigfoot.
HE HOLLERS OK, you have a go.
- I'm sorry? - Give it a try.
- Really? - Yeah.
HE HOLLERS Nice.
There sure are a lot of places for Bigfoot to hide out there.
What would you do if you saw a Bigfoot? Well, I guess it depends what kind of mood he was in.
- He's angry.
- Well, I guess I'd run like hell.
Yeah, but it says here, in your Bigfoot field guide, that you have no chance whatsoever of outrunning an adult male Bigfoot.
Who said I had to outrun Bigfoot? I only have to outrun you.
Oh, dear.
And we'll pick up that utter insanity later in the show.
Oh, OK.
Now it is time to put a star in our reasonably fast car.
He's an award-winning comedian, he's the star of Not Going Out and he holds two Guinness World Recordsfor darts.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lee Mack.
- Hello.
How are you? - Hello.
- Have a seat.
- All right.
Welcome.
Welcome.
- I agree with you, by the way.
I think Bigfoot does exist.
- Good.
- It's America, isn't it? Anything can happen in America.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's your next President.
LAUGHTER All right.
All right.
All right.
So, it's your first time here, right? First time, yeah.
And you went out on the track with Chris for a little training.
- How did that go? - That was pretty scary.
- Yeah? - I don't know about you, but I find it quite nerve-racking if you're driving when someone grabs the steering wheel.
- He had to grab the wheel? - He had to grab the wheel.
- I hope that's what he was aiming for.
- Where were you going? LAUGHTER Because it was hard enough concentrating without that, - do you know what I mean? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I did look tense, to be fair.
Yeah.
Let's take a look.
- Lee Mack.
- Hi.
- Great to have you at the Top Gear track.
- It's great.
- In our reasonably fast car.
- Here we go.
- Go.
Remember the hand position.
- Mirror, signal, indicate.
- Hand position.
Oh, it's all right, I've got a spare clutch.
Right, let's go.
Look at this.
Remember that hand position.
Quarter to three.
- Bollocks to the hand position.
- That was fifth gear.
- I've gone to third too early, have I? - You've gone to fifth.
- Second to fifth.
- What do I do now? - You're going to go up to the 100m board.
- Am I in the right gear? - No, - totally the wrong gear.
- I don't mean the jeans and the shirt.
Keep going round to the 100, follow round to the 50, at the arrow we're taking a left.
Do I need to worry about brakes at this stage? - No.
- Go sharp left now.
- Arrow, taking left.
- Fourth gear.
- There's a man in the middle of the road! - Oh, it's a cameraman.
- Left, fourth gear.
Around there.
Left here.
Between the tyres.
- I'm getting into this.
- Round to the right afterwards.
- What do you mean? - Don't hit the tyres.
Don't hit the tyres! Over to the right-hand side.
Did you pass your driving test first time? I passed my driving test the second time.
I took it in Wales because I was working in Wales.
I got the sack, went back to London, thought, "I've put it in now, "I might as well go back.
" "What did I get the sack for?" I hear you ask.
- What? - I was a holiday camp entertainer at a caravan site.
- To the left.
- And I did something I shouldn't have done! - Oh! - I can't tell you in the car! All you have to know is, I was so angry, I put a fish behind the sofa so the next people coming would smell it.
I talk a lot when I'm nervous.
- Over here.
- What the frick are you doing with my hand? - There, go, tyres, grass.
That's it.
- That cannot be allowed.
I had to intervene.
Over there.
- What? - This is chaos.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Anyone want a lift? I've stalled it.
That felt when I was in the car like I was going like a rocket, but that hardly looked like I was moving.
Sometimes when it looks slow, it's really fast.
I don't think that's one of those times.
All right, now, there is another thing we need to talk about because what did you put in Room 101 a few years ago? Top Gear.
Well, thanks for stopping by.
- No, come on, what happened? - It was a mistake.
I actually meant to put in Friends.
That would have made more sense.
I handed them the wrong tape.
- They put it in the wrong thing.
- Sometimes that happens.
Right, I pointed out on the show that it wasn't Top Gear that I was putting in.
I might not be good at driving, but I'm good at reversing into cul-de-sacs, watch this.
I put in the ridiculous interest people have in cars.
I like cars but for different reasons, perhaps, than these - let's call them lunatics.
Like, I like service stations.
I like a nice travel rug.
I like a nodding dog.
What I don't want to see is speed.
It's not fast and furious, it's sort of slow and indifferent.
You're all looking at me I feel like I'm in a zombie film.
Everyone's just staring at me, about to get me.
- Yeah.
- I like other things connected with cars.
But don't you own a classic car? I do own a classic car, yeah.
What is it? It's a Triumph TR4A, which is unusual to say that after saying you're not that interested in cars.
- There it is.
- Do you still drive it? I still drive Well, I did until 48 hours ago because we moved house, and on the day we moved house, it went up in flames.
For insurance reasons? - What are you suggesting? - I don't know.
I'm nervous enough being on this show anyway because I told the insurance people I was a postman.
What do you mean, it went up in flames? - What happened? - Well, I was moving it and I hadn't driven it for a few weeks, and I was thinking, "Why isn't it starting, and why am I smelling fire?" Those two things were connected, I found out.
- Yeah? - The engine was on fire, but I didn't realise, so I popped the bonnet.
Pop! Like that.
- But it doesn't come up, does it? It goes Pop! - Ah.
I had to get my fingers underneath it.
It was boiling hot! I was trying to find the Ah, ah! I eventually got it open and then me and my son, we'd packed everything, we were moving.
So, an empty pint bottle, milk bottle, in, fill it up, run out In and out It took a good few minutes before we managed to put that fire out.
- Damage? - Well, he burned his hand but, you know, what the hell? LAUGHTER All right, there's a new series of Not Going Out, yeah? There is a new series.
Thursday nights, nine o'clock.
And in fact, I'm already writing the one for the new series next year, and genuinely true This probably isn't the time or place, but I have written an episode where .
.
a good-looking American man moves in next door and my wife takes a shine to him.
And I was wondering .
.
if you've got David Schwimmer's number.
I was wondering if you would like to I mean, obviously we wouldn't hold you to it, but it would be a sort of verbal contract - whether you would come and do the show.
What do you think? I'm not asking Chris, no disrespect.
- Yeah.
- I haven't got a lazy eye.
I'm aiming this at you, Matt LeBlanc.
You're seriously asking me to come and do your show? I'm asking you to do one episode of my sitcom Not Going Out to be filmed any time between 1st of December, mid-February.
I mean, we don't have to get into the admin now, but I have brought a contract if you'd like to sign it.
- OK.
- Yes! He's in! And by the end of the episode, we prove the existence of Bigfoot.
- I'm in.
- Right, there you go.
I am in.
All right, shall we see a clip of Not Going Out? - Please do, yeah.
- All right, let's show the clip.
- Bridge! - Mum, he's trying to annoy me.
That's because all men are hideous! - Bridge! - Stop it, Charlie.
It's not bridge! Can we all stop shouting, please? - Bridge! - She just said it's not bridge! I feel sick! - But, Daddy - Yes, Charlie, what is it? Bridge! Well, that, you see, that is the reality of cars, isn't it? That's the reality.
When you've got three kids, I don't care what the suspension's like.
The kids being in the car overpowers everything about cars.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but if you give them a comfortable car with great suspension, they give you less pain.
You haven't met my kids, have you? All right, I think we should get down to business.
OK, I'm nervous about this.
Time to see your lap.
How do you think you did? I reckon I'm in the top two.
- Top two? - Yeah, of all time.
Judging by that training video, I would say .
.
that's a stretch.
Let's have a look and see.
OK, good off the line, but then a bit of a stumble there.
Right, just remember, if you go fast, girls find you more attractive.
That's not true.
OK, following round now, cheeky line, you cut the corner a bit.
You're running wide.
Whoa! I've lost control of the mother chuffer! I'm back in control.
Everyone, calm down.
Oh, you beast! Get in there! Right, go, go, go! Round Chicago.
Quite wide.
And you appear to be in about eighth gear.
Go up here now, just keep accelerating, sunshine.
Don't worry about your health and safety.
Hammerhead.
I'd say, steady and safe.
It's all right, for you, isn't it, LeBlanc, with your feet up in the studio? I'd get out of the way if I was you, mate! Oh! I could do with a drinks break.
Oh, my God! Second to last, the trickiest corner, for me.
Why isn't there any road signs in this place? And over the line in a controlled manner.
I'd like to change my statement and say that there are some very sensible girls out there that now find me attractive.
- That was sensible driving, wasn't it? - Yeah.
Some of the racing greats have always looked slow, but they were going fast.
Alain Prost.
They made it look easy, and maybe, just maybe, you're in that camp.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever been patronised as much as that moment.
Leaderboard, what do you think? If you had to make a prediction, where would you be? I'm going to say it starts with a one, yeah? Tell me, yeah, that's all I want to hear.
- It starts with a one.
- Come on! - AUDIENCE: Yeah! - All right, you did it - I'm going 1 .
.
49.
Am I way off? You can't just make up your own time.
Let's put me down for a 1:49.
Ladies and gentlemen, you've been a lovely audience, see you next week on Top Gear.
- I love it.
- 1:49.
- What is it? - It's so funny.
This is like my favourite part, to hold this and watch people squirm.
- You are evil, aren't you? - Yeah, I really am.
- Yeah.
- All right, Lee Mack, you did it in a 1:55 What?! - Behind - Can I finish? In a 1:55.
2.
- That puts youright there.
- Wow.
Wow.
- But you had fun.
- I had fun.
- You had fun.
That's all that matters.
It's relegation zone, but that's all right.
Ladies and gentlemen, Lee Mack.
Now, let's talk city cars.
There are loads of them out there, but they all pretty much look the same and cost pretty much the same.
So, how do you choose which one you should buy? 0-60? Not important, you're in a city.
Top speed? Not important, you're in a city.
But I have a foolproof method to decide which city car to buy, and earlier today I headed out on to our track to demonstrate.
There's only one thing that matters in a city car.
Reverse parking.
So, we're going to have a reversing race.
One lap of the Top Gear short track.
Hammerhead, the follow-through, and Chicagobackwards.
With windows completely blacked out, we'll been navigating by rear-view camera alone.
I'll be in the Suzuki Swift, and driving the Ford Fiesta, Mr Happy.
Well, this is absolute madness.
I mean, he's had bad ideas in the past, and dangerous ideas.
But this combines both.
Are you ready? This is going to be great.
This is going to be anything but great.
- Three, two, one - What the? - Reverse! No, no, no, no, no! Oh! No! Completely lost it.
I don't know where I am.
I have no idea where I am.
Oh, it's going a bit quicker than I thought! HE LAUGHS Oh, my God.
Hunt him down.
Here we go.
Oh! - Bollocks.
- Oh, - BLEEP - hell.
Sorry! No, no, no, no, no! Oh! Oh! No! I can't tell you how fast 37 feels going backwards! - Holy - BLEEP! Whoops.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Now, I don't actually know where I am.
I was using him as a guide.
Is this right? I reckon the finish line is about there.
Yes! Rory Reid, nailed.
Have I won? - I won, right? - No.
- Who won? - No, you came second.
Oh.
What have we learned? We've learned that if you want to have a backwards race in a car that you can't see out of the front of, the Fiesta's the superior vehicle.
- I'm going to agree with that.
- Yeah.
And if you want a car with a reversing camera that's basically the quality of a pirate VHS, then, yeah, - go for the Swift.
- Right, let's go.
- I feel a bit sick.
- I'm not surprised.
- I'm going to walk.
- That's a good point.
I can't see out of it.
Let's leave it there.
I'll walk too.
OK, now, earlier on, we were in the California woods - with a whole bunch of off-road toys.
- And an invisible gorilla.
Why do you have to be like that? We agreed not to use the G word.
Let's just get back to the film, where the hunt was about to get a lot more serious.
You're an asshole.
LAUGHTER Daybreak in the wilderness.
Predictably enough, our bait traps lay undisturbed.
Nevertheless, I had woken early, wondering what new madness Matt had planned in his hunt for Bigfoot.
OK, the story so far.
No sleep at all last night cos the bugs are really, really big and angry.
As for the noises, there's some terrible noises out in the woods.
I mean, I don't believe in the Bigfoot thing, but big, loud, angry noises.
- Don't forget to floss.
- Jesus! - How long have you been there? - A long time.
What are you doing?! Getting serious about finding Bigfoot.
You've lost your mind! ALARM BLARES It's on.
Time to bring out the big guns.
Come on.
Showtime.
You wait there.
Something had triggered my bait traps.
And if it was what I thought it was, I had just the tools to track it down.
Oh, yeah.
For me.
Cool, right? That thing's awesome.
Look at the suspension on it! What has he got for me? How big is that trailer?! - And who's that guy? - Come on, let's go.
No, no, no, no, no.
Wait there.
Who's this guy here? - Has he been in there the whole time? - Yeah, yeah, he's very patient.
That's Stuart, he's your pilot.
You're going to be my eyes in the sky.
Why does an ATV need a pilot, Matt? - It flies.
- It flies? - Yeah.
- I hate flying.
I know.
Come on, let's go.
You find some open ground and big Stu will take care of the rest.
Go, go, go, go.
Go! This is the Can-Am X3 XRS Turbo R.
This is the fastest, most extreme ATV you can buy right now.
0-60 in under five seconds, on the dirt.
Flat-out, it'll do about 90mph.
It's quick! At 20 grand, the Maverick isn't exactly cheap.
But, trust me, you'll be having way too much fun to care.
I love this thing! There's these big bumps and I feel like I should lift, but I don't need to, I can carry flat-out speed through all of this.
It's incredible.
Wow.
And this is the SkyRunner.
Nowhere near as fast as the Maverick, but £100,000 does apparently buy you a flying car.
That is quite a concept.
And finding some flat ground, it was time for big Stu to do whatever it is he does.
Right, I think this is where you take over, OK? This might be the time to tell you that I don't like flying much.
Especially when all the important bits appear to have come from a camping shop.
Anything else I should know? In case of emergency, your exits are here and here.
I'm not sure about this.
But big Stuwas.
That's quite potent there.
BLEEP.
Oh, my Lord! Ho-ho-ho! Wow! Wow! It's a flying car.
It's a flying car! There's a point at which fascination meets terror, and I'm slightly there.
Whoa.
That's a bit close to the trees.
Meanwhile, back IN the trees - Hey, Chris, how's it going up there, buddy? - The world has gone mad .
.
in a really good way! All right, well, I need you to tell me where that thing is.
Where are you? Where are you? - OK, I've got two trails of dust down there.
- How far away am I? About 400 metres ahead of you.
OK, OK, I think I can close that.
I don't know what it is, but it's fast.
It's furiously fast.
Which way do I go up here? OK, it's a left turn.
- A left turn.
- Left? - 300 metres.
- 300 metres, OK, good.
- Next right.
You've got to take the next right.
- Got it! - 200 metres.
- Are you sure I'm on the right road? - 100 metres.
I don't see any dust yet.
You're heading straight for it.
But then we discovered it wasn't Bigfoot that had triggered the alarm, it was something else.
Whoa.
What is that? Chris, can you see what it is? What is it? All I can see is dust.
Determined to find out who had been messing with my traps, we gave chase.
I can't see good enough to get any closer.
You've got to speed up.
You've got to speed up, mate.
It's shooting grapefruit-size rocks at me.
PINGING Whoa.
This is This is so sketchy.
I'm going to have to back off.
We're not going to catch him like this.
We're not going to catch him like this.
We need to land.
- We need to get down there to block him off.
- Good idea.
Land that thing.
So, we sped ahead of the dust trails and found a clearing.
OK, here comes the landing.
Here comes the landing.
I'm going to hold on.
And Ooh-ho-ho! There we go.
Right, let's get out of here.
I'll just leave you to Thank you.
Sorry.
With Chris now back in his comfort zone - Woo-hoo-hoo! - .
.
I kept up the pursuit from the rear and he closed in - from the front.
- All right, I'm coming.
- I'm coming.
- OK, great.
- Where is he? Come on.
And finally, with our trap set What is that? .
.
there was nowhere else to run.
Oh, we got you.
- Whoa! - Did you see that? It's the Stig.
No, it isn't.
I get it.
It's Stigfoot.
THEY LAUGH The producers, unbelievable.
They're having a laugh, aren't they? RUSTLING - You saw that, right? - Yeah.
I'll tell you, those were such cool vehicles.
So cool.
And you know what my favourite was? The electric dirt bikes.
The Altas.
How cool were those? So fast and so quiet.
- Yeah.
- You could hear the birds chirping, you could hear the rustle in the bushes.
You could hear the crack of Chris's head on the rock when he fell off.
- They were great.
- They are the future.
- Yeah.
- And what about the SHERP, though? - Oh.
- It's unstoppable.
You could invade a country with that thing.
Yeah, and, like a good one too, like a Sweden.
Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I love all the off-road stuff, that was great.
But I need to know, at the end, what was in the bushes? - What did you see? - I don't know, Chris.
- What did you see? - I don't know what I saw.
But it was something, right? - Was it a bear? - No.
- Was it a gorilla? - No.
- Was it big? - Yes.
- Did it have feet? - Yes.
That's good enough for me.
You're in the club.
You're next.
OK, that's all we have time for tonight.
On next week's show, it's all about Japan as we explore the weird and wonderful cars from the Land of the Rising Sun.
See you then.
Good night.