The Simpsons s33e12 Episode Script

1 What should we do now? We've captured the cad who poisoned all those copper barons, and it's barely 8:00.
Lucky thing I made an 8:15 reservation right here.
Why, this is the restaurant where you proposed.
Oh, you did remember our anniversary.
Well, look who else remembered.
Aster.
And he's carrying the Sapphire of Ceylon.
Oh, Mick, you think of everything.
- Ooh.
- Mmm.
- Aster! - Oh, let him go.
He can wear it with the diamond brooch he buried last week.
- Well, I'll drink to that.
- Darling, you drink to everything.
Mmm.
Oh, when I get married, I hope I have the breezy elegance of Mick and Moira.
Oh, I'm sure you'll have what your father and I have.
Yep, ten years, but we still got that magic.
Thanks, sweetie.
Mmm.
Ooh, change the channel.
Love It or Lift It is on.
They're going to unwrap Steven's new face tonight.
Ew, it's covered in Dad cheese.
I'm going to bed.
I'll leave you to your magic.
Ew.
Bart, I'm worried about Mom and Dad.
The mushroom spores are replicating.
Torch the fungus.
Lis, I'm holding the ammo for the whole team.
Bart, I need a reload.
Ow! Why do I feel that? Mom and Dad have completely given up.
Their relationship has no spark or romance.
You got me out of my game for girl words? They're nothing like the couples in movies or prescription drug commercials.
They don't dance on beaches or hang glide, They just watch TV and DustBust burp dust.
I don't know, this sounds like another Lisa thing - that's not actually a thing.
- Come with me.
What are our lovely parents up to this fine Sunday? Champagne brunch? Historic walking tour? Or is Mom crawling around on homemade kneepads? Good news.
The only ants I'm finding are already dead.
Leave the corpses.
It'll send a message to the colony.
You might be wondering, "Why does Dad have a trash can bungeed to his waist?" Answer: to catch his taco droppings.
Homer, if there's room in your taco trough, I've got a present from Maggie.
Hip hop.
Up top.
Nice throw.
Nice catch.
Okay, it's disturbing, but that's why, when it comes to parents, my policy is: - "don't look, don't care.
" - You should care.
You're gonna live with these two well into your adult years.
Do you want your future dates to be greeted by Captain and Mrs.
Underpants? Hey, baby, you look great.
- We got to go.
- Bart, introduce us.
We want to see her.
I hope you have what we have someday.
Couch love.
Couch love.
We got to do an intervention.
Mom, Dad, we need to talk.
Not during 21 Days in a Swamp.
They're about to reveal who they found inside the alligator.
Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody.
First of all, this is a safe space.
We love you.
But no child should have to see their parent wear a wastebasket.
- It's - All you loads do is sit on the couch and watch crappy TV.
We watch educational shows that teach real-world skills, like hauling crab out of the Bering Sea.
Do you kids know how to pull a gaff hook out of a crabber's forearm? They know nothing of the sort, Marge.
You've gotten into a rut.
Look at this room.
Two people, and yet there's, like, six throw blankets.
There's nine.
Each one serves a vital purpose.
And I think it's sweet that we're so at ease with one another.
There's so much you're missing out on.
Entertaining, travel, standing upright.
You won the school raffle for a week at The Saffron Togetherness Center.
But this voucher has sat on the fridge for a year.
Ugh, that thing.
We were hoping to win the kettle corn kettle.
But this place sounds perfect.
A tranquil setting that blissifies coupleosity by removing the distractions of technology and entertainment.
The Saffron Center sounds so romantic.
It's at the top of Honeymoon Mountain.
Unless you saggy-bottomed couch monsters have given up on romance.
What? I love romance.
Romance is like my oxygen.
But your mom doesn't want to go.
Oh.
Do you want to go? Of course I do.
Unless you're not into romance, no judgment.
I love romance.
- So, we're going.
- Great.
- Great.
- Great.
- It is great.
- Yep.
So great.
Hmm, no phones or television for the whole week, and the menu is keto-based.
Are you trying to pronounce "Cheeto-based"? No.
Deep down, I knew you probably weren't.
There's a group meditation on Saturday with Sharice.
- What time's it start? - Sunrise.
We won't be seeing Sharice.
There's silent sweat lodge yoga.
Oh, that's also at sunrise.
Hmm, "sunrise," "sunrise," "sunrise.
" Ooh, there's a sunset hike.
Nope, that starts at sunrise.
Hmm.
- This place sucks.
- Sucks so hard.
I only wanted to go because you did.
I never want to go anywhere! Then turn around, baby.
- We're going home.
- Already turning.
Homer! - Turn into the skid.
- I am! Th-Then turn out of the skid.
What does the skid want? Uh, are you okay? Yes.
Yes, I-I think so.
D'oh! Rocks! We have to jump now! Homer! Okay, I can pound that dent out.
I'll call AAA.
This seems like a good time to join.
Okay, no phone, no car.
But we made it out of the water and we're safe.
Homer, listen to me.
We are not safe.
We are in a dire situation.
We're soaking wet and it's very cold.
We have to fix that now.
We have to make a fire.
On our survival shows, they all use a bow drill.
- Find a sapling.
- Or we could do this.
That's amazing! Where did you learn that? Remember all those recall letters that said our phone - would swell up and explode? - But you exchanged that phone.
Nope.
I said I did.
Okay, fine, fine.
But we have a fire.
Now get those wet clothes off.
In front of the fauna? Just do it! Almost dry.
Okay, next step: figure out the way back to the road.
Help me up that tree.
- No No, Homer, no.
- I got you.
- Where'd you go? - Not that way.
- Up or down? - I'm not up! - Can't breathe! - Turn me around.
And watch my thingy! Ooch.
Ooh.
Rough bark.
Homer, don't look up.
Ow! Ow Dang, my thingy again.
Okay, if you see more than one road, we should walk to the one with a sit-down restaurant, because I could really go for a booth.
Oh, no.
All I see are trees.
Nothing but trees.
So we're lost? Wait! I see something! Something bright red! And it's close by! Ooh.
Ow.
- What'd you see? What is it? - I don't know.
But it looks man-made.
And right now, it's our only hope.
Are the clothes dry? Almost dry.
No, no, no! This is worse than Nude and Screwed season six when Jerry got airlifted out because howler monkeys bit his pixilated area! Homie, I know this looks bad.
We don't have clothes or fire or shelter or food or hope of rescue - or - I know what we don't have! But we have the red thing! And it's all we have! Now, run! Maybe it's a fire truck.
Ow! Or a double-decker bus.
Owie! Or a Twizzler factory.
Ow! Ooh, that went in me.
A bathtub? A sexy bathtub? Hmm.
"Since 1943, "Honeymoon Mountain has been a mecca of matrimonial merriment where newlyweds do that voodoo you do after saying 'I do.
'" A cigarette machine! Yes! A matchbook! We have something to jot phone numbers on! - Oh ah - Oh ah Oh, I can feel my front stuff again.
We can turn these abandoned snuggle shacks into shelter.
And warm clothes.
What the heck is that? I think it's a champagne glass Jacuzzi.
We might just be saved.
Bless you, old-time honeymoon horndogs.
It might be the melting fiberglass talking, but I think we'll be okay until they come and rescue us.
Oh, my God.
No one will know we never made it to the Saffron Center because of their stupid no-phone policy.
I hope their rooftop tantric pavilion falls into their Zen meditation garden.
No one's looking for us.
They don't even know we're missing.
Well, on Helicopter Hiker Hunters, they always say: "If you're lost, stay put, at least until the snow melts.
" That could be tomorrow or a month from now.
Oh, we've just got to survive here until they notice we're gone.
Luckily, we have a warm shelter, water And love.
That's sweet.
No, that's the name of this old massage oil.
Hmm Tomorrow we'll find food.
I'll throw another TV on the fire.
Oh, no berries, no nuts, our traps are all empty Oh, I thought I knew what hunger was, but now I know that was just not being full.
Last week there was Cheerios powder at the bottom of the bag, and I just threw it out.
That powder sounds so good.
Tell me about the powder again slowly.
Don't just complain offer solutions! Oh, great, now they're talking to each other.
- This has to work.
- Yeah.
Fish are way stupider than rabbits or nuts.
You stupid fish! Why don't you bite my bait-less hook?! Oh, be careful.
You'll get your shag pants wet.
I didn't used to wear carpeting! I used to wear pants! Made out of pants! Oh! Homer! Homer! Homer, get out of those wet clothes and get to the fire.
Grab it! Grab it! Don't let it get away! Oh! I've got fishnet stockings.
Oh, no! They're crotchless! Get him! Get him! Get him! Oh! Oh, no! Don't let it go! We got it! Oh, thank you! Thank you, you beautiful fish, thank you.
Group hug! Oh, oh, this is the best meal of my life.
Mmm Oh, God.
This is what I want to eat for every birthday now.
Mmm.
Ah We're gonna be okay.
It's amazing how the world seems brighter with a little food in your belly.
Yeah, you got that right.
- I miss the kids! - Oh.
What if we never see them again? Oh, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey.
We're gonna get back home, and you're gonna smother them with so much love, they'll never become functioning adults.
You promise? I promise.
Come on, dance with me.
I know together we can make a pretty world For me and for you What was that? Probably just the wind.
Don't worry, don't worry.
The clamshell will hold.
I think there's a hungry predator out there.
Oh.
Good thing we're in here.
It's coming in.
- It's gone.
- What was that? Wolverine! Where is it? Oh, my God, a wolverine! Just like the one that killed - The Wolverine Whisperer.
- We need a weapon.
Wh-What are you doing? I'm gonna lead it away.
You stay here.
Homer, no! Hey, you! Come and get the fat man! Oh, Homie.
Ha! You've been outsmarted by man: King of Nature! Destroyer of our planet! Inventor of Earth Day! Wait, what are you doing? Hey, no fair.
Cut that out.
Hey, you don't want to eat me.
I'm stringy.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm marbled.
I'm human Wagyu! Leave him alone! Uh please? Marge! Run! Run! I can't hold him much longer! Hip hop! Up top! Run, Marge, run! Marge, run! Marge, run! Marge Homer.
It's it's dead.
Marge! Oh, oh, are you hurt? I'm fine.
No, no.
No, you're not.
Where's your shoe? Hmm.
Oh Hmm? Oh, Marge.
Ooh! Did I surprise you? With that sexy wilderness musk, you're not sneaking up on anyone.
Mmm! I'll go forage some more moss for our love nest.
And later, I'll crotch milady a fish for dinner.
Oh, sounds perfect.
Hmm? Hey! Over here! Come back! Stop! Aw, damn it.
What happened? What is it? Oh, I screwed up.
There was a park ranger right there.
I should've yelled right away, but I looked at you and our little house, and and it it was too late.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so stupid! Homie, Homie, Homie, I get it.
But we've got to get out of here.
Look we can follow the tracks.
There has to be a ranger station nearby.
Okay, we'll pack up some water, wolverine jerky - And precious memories.
- Aw.
No, that's the name of this love jelly I've been using as bug repellent.
Say goodbye to the love shack.
Aw.
- You ready? - Mm-hmm.
- Hmm? - Bugs! They're in my nose! Ugh! We did it! There it is! Homer, wait.
Wait.
Just one more moment.
From now on, I'm gonna try to be more romantic, like the kids said.
Don't change anything, Homer.
Don't change anything.
I guess we could walk slowly.
We always do.
Sure you don't want to go inside where it's warm? No.
It's time for my favorite show.
Hmm? Mm Shh!