The Simpsons s33e17 Episode Script

1 Salt peanuts, salt peanuts ♪ Salt peanuts, salt peanuts.
♪ D'oh.
You know, you play pretty well for someone with no real problems.
That's 'cause I had the best teacher.
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We'll stream anything, even shows that Peacock rejected.
We've got vintage cartoons with the racism and violence edited out, so they're four seconds long.
Gurr, why, look, it's Mr.
Crow Jangles.
Scratch that itch, scratch that itch ♪ The lotto's gonna make you rich ♪ Hey, that's a Bleeding Gums Murphy song.
But they changed the lyrics.
He never would've sung this garbage.
Only a dollar ♪ Scratch and you'll holler.
♪ This is sacrilegious.
Listen to the original.
So filled with sorrow ♪ Can't face tomorrow.
♪ Get in it to win it ♪ It just takes a minute ♪ Neither the state lottery nor any of their employees ♪ Or agents make any warranty express or implied ♪ Including warranties of merchantability and fitness ♪ For a particular purpose or assumed liability ♪ For the accuracy, completeness or usefulness ♪ Of information from this song.
♪ I can't believe they're using a jazz legend to sell lottery tickets.
Why do you hate the lottery? It's my retirement plan.
Ugh.
The lottery is a tax on people who can't calculate the insanely low odds of winning because they went to schools that are underfunded because of guess what scams like the lottery.
And they trick poor dopes into buying tickets they can't afford.
Only a dollar ♪ Scratch and you'll holler ♪ I've got a one-in-50 million chance to win.
♪ Bleeding Gums would've been furious.
He hated gambling.
Really? How do you know? Because I'm Bleeding Gums's biggest expert.
I edit his web page.
All right, all right, working on that title.
And I made a bust of his embouchure.
So that's what an embouchure is.
I learned something today.
And now to forget it.
Gone.
- Scratch that itch ♪ - Scratch that itch ♪ I can buy a diamond collar for my bitch ♪ Sólo un dólar ♪ Scratch y usted llegará holler ♪ That's the end of our pitch.
♪ Oh, lighten up, Lisa.
As Jesus said, "You've got to play to win.
" He didn't say that.
After he turned water into wine, he said a lot of stuff that he didn't remember in the morning.
Hey, Sticks, Soaky, Count Four Count, Hi Hat Pat, The Three Bottoms, Salty Joe and the Irregular Heartbeats No Nickname Henderson, Daly Night, Nighty Day, and the Backup Boys.
Ooh, woo, ooh ♪ We're expendable.
♪ I am sure you're all as upset as me.
Hell yeah! - About what? - About Bleeding Gums's music being misappropriated by the lottery.
It happens all the time.
America's only original art form is stealing Black music.
Well, there's only one way to stop them: boycott the lottery.
Shh.
They're announcing the lotto numbers.
Six, 27, 32, 14 Oh, man.
Come on.
Let me tell you something, people.
One more number, and I'm a winner.
If it happens, that's the last you'll see of me.
I despise this town, especially the death-stalking ghouls who watch local news.
And the last number is 62.
I lost.
In other news, Kent Brockman's "Hooray for Springfield!" airs tomorrow at 8:00.
Oh, I love this town.
Just once, I want to be one of those guys who wins the lottery and blows it on a single binge that haunts him to his grave.
Aw, what's wrong? A jazz god's work has been misappropriated.
But I'm gonna fix it.
Come here, kid.
This is important.
Lisa, if you ever listen to one thing I say, it's this: don't try to save anyone or anything.
Please, please, do not waste your time chasing lost causes.
The environment? It's over.
Democracy? Hanging by a thread.
Broadcast television? Only losers still watch that.
So promise me you won't waste time on this jazz dealy.
You have my word.
I won't waste any more time on lost causes.
Because time spent on lost causes is never wasted.
What did you just mutter? Something that undercut what I said.
That's my girl.
The Springfield Lottery has been accused of misappropriating a revered musician's work.
Tonight, because this crap station is still stuck with me, I'm hosting a debate between the state lottery and Lisa Simpson, who has anointed herself the world's foremost Bleeding Gums Murphy expert.
I'm still working on that name.
But I can tell you he would not want his incredible music used for this carnival of greed known as the lottery.
- Little girl, you claim to know everything about Mr.
Murphy.
- I do.
- Do you even know his first name? - Oscar.
- Do you know his favorite key? - B-flat.
Mm, that's right.
Favorite brand of reed? Légère.
Favorite type of jazz? - Straight-ahead.
- Huh.
Do you know the name of his first recording? Well, his first album was Broken Elevator Blues.
- Yes - But his first recording was at Minton's Playhouse playing alongside Thelonious Monk when Bleeding Gums was 16.
Hmm, right again.
She'll know that.
She'll know that.
Aha.
How old is his son? He has a son? I did not know that.
No further questions, Your Honor.
But this isn't a courtroom.
Overruled.
We'll be right back.
I feel like a fool.
How could I love someone so much and not know something so important about him? Don't worry, Lisa.
- To me, you're perfect.
- I am? Yes.
But I'm just an image created by your mind, so I say what you want.
Oh, that's pleasant.
Come on, Lis.
Let's play Target Lisa.
Sorry, I'm too sad.
I can barely play the soulless sounds of Kenny G.
No one likes Kenny G.
That's why they killed Kenny A through F.
I didn't even know my hero had a son.
Watching you cry makes me feel the need to act.
Ah, much better.
I'm gonna find your son.
And I'm gonna find out what he thinks about the way your songs are being used.
Well, here's a clue.
I named him after my favorite piano player.
Monk.
M-Monk Murphy.
That's right.
Now that you've got the name, just check the phone book.
What's a phone book? I have been dead a long time.
Hi.
I'm Lisa Simpson.
And you're Monk Murphy.
Oh, my God.
You look just like your father.
Let me guess.
You're one of the musicians my dad mentored.
Do you want to come in and see pictures of him? Well, I don't want to impose on your time.
- Okay.
- Oh, yes! Please, please, please.
Let me just tell you, I loved your dad.
For a blues musician, he could really cheer people up.
Just thinking about him makes me smile.
And I found out he recorded a song just for you.
"Monk's New Tune.
" Before I was saved by my better half ♪ I once disappeared ♪ In a black-and-white photograph.
♪ Please, I'm sorry.
That's not something I can enjoy.
I understand.
You miss your dad.
I do.
But I can't enjoy music because I can't hear it.
Never could.
I was born profoundly deaf.
Oh.
But this whole time we were talking, - you seemed to hear everything.
- I read lips.
Then read this: I'm your dad's biggest fan.
Did you love him as much as I do? Yes.
He was a great dad.
He even refereed my soccer games.
You know, his whole world was music and me.
So he took it kind of hard when he found out that I couldn't hear.
This boy's hearing loss is so profound, you could fire a gun right next to his head, and he wouldn't hear it.
That's not how you tested him, is it? Of course not.
There have been great advancements, though.
With a cochlear implant combined with auditory and language therapy, he could potentially hear quite well.
But I have to warn you, like any important medical miracle, it's only for rich people and doctors who get a huge discount.
Son, I'm gonna work night and day to get you that cochlear implant.
Uh, do you have any other skills besides playing jazz? I also teach jazz.
Uh, how are you paying for this appointment? With this.
Looks like about $16.
Yeah.
I had a good month.
Wow.
That must be when your father wrote "Sixteen Bucks Just Ain't Enough.
" Do you still want to get the cochlear implant? I do.
Very much.
But I take after my dad.
He played jazz for a living.
I run a nonprofit.
I make a lot more than he did but not enough.
Wait.
Did you know they're using your dad's song for the Springfield Lottery? Oh, my God.
What? But he hated gambling.
I know.
Did he tell you that? Uh, no.
I learned it on the website, Bleeding Gummy Bears.
Yes! Finally nailed the title.
But the lottery must be giving you money.
Enough for the implant.
Right? Nope.
I'm afraid I haven't gotten any money.
I'm sorry, what? I was destined to find you.
My new mission in life is to make you happy.
You're my new cause.
Hold up.
I'm not anybody's cause.
I enjoy who I am.
I love my community.
And, you know, sometimes I like turning off annoying sounds by just closing my eyes.
Oh, yes.
I hate annoying noises.
Now just listen.
Here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna bring those publishers to their knees.
You and I are g gonna lawyer up, and I Then, eventually, the Supreme Court will hear going to restore your dad's legacy.
Now? I have to eat.
I have a blood sugar thing.
It's so much easier if you don't work against me here.
It's cool.
They know me here.
Mind if I open this window? This place has windows? I'm home.
Ooh, they put up a memorial wall.
That's McCoy Tyner.
He played with Coltrane.
Gerald Wilson, the west coast Duke Ellington.
And look, Sarah Vaughan.
Oh, no.
Etta Pryor passed? No, baby, I didn't.
I am not gonna lean against this wall anymore.
Now scat.
No, no, no.
Baby, please.
Not that kind of scatting.
We just wanted some information about my dad.
Monk Murphy? Your dad used to bring you here when you was just a baby.
You know, I wrote so many songs about you.
Like, uh, um, um, "Please Change the Baby's Diaper.
" "That Baby Spit Up on My Good Dress.
" And "Who Brings a Baby to a Jazz Club?" Now, that was a smash hit.
Oh, it's so good to see you again.
No one knew your dad better than me.
I knew him better than his mama, his preacher and his supplier at the Sunglass Hut.
Great.
Who owns the rights to his music? I don't know.
But I do know this.
Let me tell you about Bleeding Gums.
He was a scoobedy, scoobedy, scoobedy, scoobedy man ♪ With no business sense ♪ Oh, look, don't you listen to him, 'cause nobody knew Bleeding Gums like me.
I went on tour with him, tour with him, tour with him ♪ Tour with him, tour with him through the '90s ♪ - Bad businessman ♪ - Yeah, through the '90s ♪ - Went on tour with him, tour with him, tour with him ♪ - Bad business, bad business ♪ - Tour with him, tour with him through the '90s ♪ - Bad businessman ♪ - Havana, New Orleans, Manhattan ♪ - Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪ - And Tokyo, Paris and Amsterdam ♪ - Bad businessman ♪ - In the '90s ♪ - Not helping, not helping ♪ - He was a bad, bad ♪ - Not helping, not helping ♪ - In the '90s ♪ - Not helping, not helping.
♪ Oh, what's that? "Treasured Artist Records.
" His publisher.
That's where we go.
- Bad businessman ♪ - Through the '90s.
♪ Now we'll find out who's selling your dad's music.
"Check Is in the Mail Publishing.
" "Fair Shake Records, a Subsidiary of Exploitainment Partners.
" "Rhythm and Soul Records, Harvey Whitebread, Owner.
" Ugh.
Oh! Here we are.
Look, before I can even talk to you, sign this.
Please.
Why'd you do that? All I got was "please.
" That mustache makes his lips hard to read.
Ah, thanks.
I work hard on not having readable lips.
Or handwriting.
Or fingerprints.
Yeah.
How could you sell Bleeding Gums's song to the lottery? It belongs to him and his family.
No, you're right.
Uh, Bleeding Gums wrote it.
Then he came to us to distribute it.
He should've read the contract boilerplate, which we never showed him nor told him actually existed.
And, boy, is there a lot of boilerplate.
But, uh, he got his share.
"Worldwide royalties, 92 cents"? This is half of what they promised.
This is the 21st century, bub, where artists own their work.
Although they often have to release it for free on the Internet.
But we are gonna sue you.
We don't own the rights anymore.
We sold them to a powerful consortium including Nike, Lay's potato chips, Turkish oligarchs and Evil Corp.
His hologram's been on tour in Europe.
Oh, I been so lonely ♪ Since the day I was born ♪ All I got is this rusty ♪ This rusty old horn.
♪ Well, you tell your consortium that there's 46 pounds of trouble standing right here.
It could take years and years to beat them, but you're into that, right? - Not really.
- What? I'm happy.
Let me rephrase that.
I was happy until a little girl came and told me I wasn't.
Please, stop helping me.
No, no, no, no, no.
Give me one more chance.
Read my lips.
Nope.
I guess you were right, Dad.
I'm ready to quit.
I'm proud of you, sweetie.
I've never even tried.
I'm very proud of you, boy.
I'm going to my room.
Nothing beats a lonely, dark room after a giant mistake.
Love you.
Mm.
I think something's wrong with Lisa.
Something was wrong with Lisa.
Good news, Marge.
I got it all handled.
Oh, boy.
Maybe I should talk to her.
She just told me she agreed with everything I said.
If you interfere, it'll ruin all my hard work and send this home into a tailspin that it may never recover from.
Are you sure she's okay? She's in her happy place, sad music.
All right, then.
Good night, sweetie.
Uh, sweetie? Could you close your eyes? They're really bright.
Can't face tomorrow.
♪ This is so sad.
What's on the B side? - - Oh.
Hmm.
I'm taking a walk.
I just wish you were here.
You always knew what to say.
Little Lisa, I'm always magically here for you, like Will Smith in The Legend of Bagger Vance or, better yet, Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy.
May I drive you to the Kwik-E-Mart, Miss Lisa? Yes, Hoke.
And teach me about equality and civil rights in a way that doesn't make me feel too guilty.
In return, in 30 years, I will ask you your last name.
Hey, whoa.
What are you doing? I was forming an unlikely friendship.
Hey, me, too.
Against how many odds? All.
But I see you as so much more than that.
It's your legacy I'm fighting for.
And evil corporations can't win against someone like me who has a big heart, gumption and Oh, crap.
I'm just a kid, this is real life, and there's only so much I can do.
All right.
I surrender to reality.
Little Lisa, you're finally starting to understand what the blues is all about.
Is this where Monk Murphy works? Yes.
He's directing a production of Richard III.
I believe it's the first time an eight-year-old deaf girl - has played that role.
- Wow.
I am so there.
Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York.
Son of York! Son of York! A mentor.
Just like your dad.
Uh, I came to apologize.
Hey, you really don't need to apologize to me.
Oh, really? But I worked so hard on it.
Four drafts.
Single-spaced.
It's really good.
How about you just give me the gist? Sure.
You'll love the gist.
It's such a great gist.
Okay, here we go.
"Your dad saved me once when I was really sad.
"So when I found out you existed, "even before I met you, "I thought saving you somehow was what I was meant to do.
"Now I know the right thing to do "would have been to just listen to you when you said you didn't need or want saving.
" Awesome.
And guess what? I'm getting the implant.
That's wonderful.
How did you get the money? I finished ninth in the lottery.
"Get in it to win it, it just takes a minute.
" Ugh.
Forget I asked.
- - Okay, I'm about to activate the device.
This is gonna be so great.
I've picked something very special for the first sounds you'll ever hear.
Screw you, Bart! "Screw you, Bart"? I heard that.
Wow.
Beautiful.
Woo-hoo! A forgotten prank made me the center of attention.
Oh, no, no, that's not it.
This is what I wanted you to hear.
Well, I hear the man say ♪ Heads up, fellas ♪ I hear the band play ♪ Monk's new tune ♪ My ears hear ♪ The music my hands ♪ Were blessed to play.
♪ Oh, my God.
I can hear his voice for the first time.
Thank you, Lisa.
This is totally going on the website.
Oh, you made an old jazz man happy, little Lisa.
Also, uh what's a website? Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk ♪ Talk about things you'd like to do ♪ You've got to have a dream ♪ If you don't have a dream ♪ How you gonna have a dream come true? ♪ Couldn't you dream us getting better seats? Much better.
Ooh, you've got to have a dream ♪ If you don't have a dream ♪ How you gonna have a dream come true? ♪ Shh.