The Middle s01e03 Episode Script
The Floating Anniversary
FRANCES: This was supposed to be my anniversary.
That's me in the car.
Don't wait up because I don't know when I'll be home.
As much fun as this looks a couple of days ago, we had a different plan in mind.
Happy anniversary.
Oh, honey.
I don't have anything for you.
I had long ago learned not to get Mike presents.
What the hell is this? What'd you give me this for? I mean, thanks, but What'd you spend on this? You kept the receipt? FRANCES: This was actually our 16th and 17th anniversary.
We kept postponing the 16th until it floated right into number 17.
I know how busy you been and how badly you wanna get away, so A trip to the carpet remnant store.
- I love it.
Oh! - Heh, heh.
FRANCES: I know.
It's a little pathetic to get so excited about a carpet remnant but the rug in our bedroom had some serious mileage on it.
I told you.
I wasn't kidding.
On Friday, I'm taking you to French Lick we'll stay overnight at the Route 33 Motor Lodge then we'll pick out our remnant on Saturday, and head back home.
I love it.
Except for the "heading home" part.
- Nobody wants to see that.
- I think old people kissing is sweet.
I think we're done here.
Brick.
Packed your lunch.
Let's go.
Hey, can I drive to school today? Not today.
Mom and I have a lot to do.
Plus, we don't wanna die.
If I don't practice, I'm never gonna get my license.
That's why we taught you to walk.
If you stop by the lot after school, I'll sneak you in for a test drive.
- Okay? - Okay.
Get going.
You don't wanna miss the bus.
- Let's go.
SUE: Bye, Mom.
All right.
Have a good day.
See you, guys.
- Hey - Mom? I don't feel good.
FRANCES: Uh-oh.
One sick kid could lead to a whole houseful of sick by Friday and there goes the anniversary.
You're fine, not sick.
Positive attitude.
A bus ride will make you feel better.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
I really don't feel good.
FRANCES: Okay.
If you have to throw up, do it on Mommy's carpet.
The problem is, I had to work that day.
But when you're a working mom, you gotta get creative.
There's ginger ale in the cup holder.
If you need anything, honk twice.
I wish I could stay home and watch TV and have you make me soup.
Oh, sorry, honey.
Wrong family.
Is it against the rules for me to be here? Of course not.
Just keep your head below the window.
Meanwhile, third period at Sue's school was set aside so kids could do whatever clubs they had gotten into.
Since Sue didn't get into any clubs she was sent to the front office to make student IDs a job she referred to as the Lamination Club.
I'm Brendan Nichols.
This is my first day.
Is this where I get my ID made? Are you okay? I'm about done being Mr.
Nice Guy.
The month's almost over and sales are What in the name of good God Almighty is that? It's a houseplant.
A houseplant? This is not your house.
How many times have I told you? No bringing personal items into work.
The only thing any of you need to be worrying about taking care of is me.
You don't need a houseplant stealing your focus from what you should be working on, selling cars.
I'm sorry.
I'm not thinking clearly.
I gave blood this morning.
EHLERT: Well, don't do it again.
BOB: It was very selfish of me, sir.
Did they give you a cookie? Thanks.
Lou, did you see the red sedan that was parked here? Hear that engine? This baby's got 260 horses.
Can you play the radio? [WHISPERING.]
Radio.
FRANCES: How could this happen? I purposely put Brick in the ugliest car on the lot and marked it up by 25 percent.
MAN: Frankie, the, um, package that you left in the back of the red sedan has been placed in the green hatchback.
And Pete says it needs a Kleenex.
Frances, what the hell is your son doing here? Mr.
Ehlert, I am so sorry.
It's just been the worst day.
Hey, Mom.
Oh, you're talking about Axl who is here because he got his learner's permit and we are thinking of buying him a car.
All right.
Show him that yellow car.
It's got a tape deck.
- You're buying me a car? - Wrong family.
This isn't the best day for practice.
I have to find your brother.
- I'll take him out for you.
- Are you sure? Thank you, Bob.
He's good unless he has to turn.
Turn! [CAR HORN HONKING AND TIRES SCREECHING.]
- So, Ax, I hear you play football? - Yeah.
I used to play a little ball myself when I was your age.
In those days they called it foosball.
Wrists used to swell up something awful.
Seems like yesterday I was right where you are now.
I'll tell you, though, a driver's license changes the whole deal.
Once you're out of that house, whew boy.
No family for me.
It's all Bob, all the time.
If I wanna go to the arcade again tonight until it closes, I do it.
No family wondering where I am.
I'm a bag in the wind.
Dude, are you crying? Eyes on the road.
FRANCES: Hiding Brick all day had worn me out.
I needed French Lick more than ever.
- Mom, can I talk to you? - Yeah, sure.
I saw this boy today FRANCES: Now, I know I should have been thrilled by this.
My daughter was telling me about her first big crush.
But I was so tired, all I could do was pretend to listen.
And then I saw something amazing something I was beginning to think I'd never see in my lifetime.
Brick was making a sandwich.
Just this morning he was sick, and now an actual sandwich.
Like that guy who got hit by lightning and knew how to play the piano.
So, what do you think? Is it a good plan? Oh, sure, honey.
That's a great plan.
Heh, yay! Brick, did you make your own lunch? - Uh-huh.
Did it all by myself.
- Hey.
FRANCES: And suddenly everything seemed hopeful.
One less thing I'd have to do tomorrow and the rest of my life.
Brick would make sandwiches, Axl would learn to drive and soon time for trips to the carpet remnant store whenever I wanted.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Or so I thought.
- Hello? EDIE: Frankie.
Oh, hi, Aunt Edie.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Be right over.
My aunts Ginny and Edie had been smoking and coughing for 70 years without considering there might be a connection.
Damn arthritis.
I'm sorry to bother you but here it is 6:00 and we can't open our medicine.
Oh, and another thing.
I failed my driving test today so you're going to have to help get us around.
- What? - I have a foot appointment Tuesday.
And she has get her wheelchair tuned up on Thursday.
And while it's there, you'll have to carry her around.
But don't worry, she's not that heavy anymore.
Okay.
Hold on, I'm gonna have to write this down.
And, dear, could you make me a sandwich? FRANCES: I should have figured this was the way the world worked.
Soon as the kids gain a shred of independence, the old folks spring a leak.
Lost another one.
Oh! Lost another one.
[CHUCKLES.]
FRANCES: Shuttling everybody around all week had made me nuts but at least I had one thing to look forward to.
Okay, Mike, I'm all packed for tonight.
Swing by the mall at 5 and pick up Aunt Ginny at the eyeglass place.
We should be on the road by 8, Sounds like somebody wants to get to the Route 33 Motor Lodge.
Ha, ha.
Mike.
Do you two even know what you look like? Okay, Axl, you're in charge, and I want you to know we trust you.
Then I should have the car keys in case there's an emergency.
I trust you with the kids, not the car.
[SIGHS.]
Sue, what is that you're wearing? It's my idea for telling Brendan that I like him.
Remember? You said it was a great plan.
Oh, honey [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
- Hello? EDIE: We just heard from the doctor.
It's emphysema.
Oh, Frankie.
I don't know how I'm gonna live without her.
Calm down.
Just calm down.
I'll be right there.
Sue, just please change the shirt.
We'll talk more later.
Aunt Ginny, I am so sorry.
I It's the dog? The dog has emphysema? Poor Doris.
How could this have happened? You're kidding, right? The vet says she has to be in a smoke-free environment until she regenerates lung tissue.
What could I say? - So what? Now we're not going? - I don't know.
The kids can't watch her.
You can't leave her alone for more than Someone has to change the nicotine patch.
She's going through withdrawal.
Perfect.
I wanna go on the trip, Mike.
Believe me, I need this trip, okay? I eat standing up, I've been reading the same article in People for a month.
No one wants to get away more than me.
Your problem is you're letting these people control your whole life.
- Aunt Ginny has a son.
- You know Travis is in prison.
And Aunt Edie's kid fried his brain huffing paint.
He's literally the village idiot of Terre Haute.
- What about your mom? - Mom's taking care of Grandma.
How long do people live in your family? You do for family, Mike.
That's all there is to it.
If you did a little less, they'd start dying off and we could have a vacation.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Hello? What? No, no.
I've been at work all day.
Mike was supposed to Okay, just stay put.
I'll be right there.
- You forgot to pick up Aunt Ginny.
- You forgot to remind me.
How many times do I have to remind you? Did you want me to pin a note to your shirt? No.
You should have stuck it on my thermos like you always do.
I'm gonna go pick up Aunt Ginny.
Could you please remember to take the dog outside so it can do its business? - Dog's in a diaper.
- It doesn't know it's in a diaper.
It'll only go if it's outside.
[SIGHS.]
FRANCES: And so that's how Mike and I had a big, old, nasty fight on the loving celebration of our 16th and 17th anniversaries.
Don't wait up because I don't know when I'll be home.
Diapering a damn dog.
- Where's Mom? - Driving the old-mobile.
- Can I ask you a question about a boy? - I'd rather you not.
Okay, okay.
No, it's okay.
Well, his name's Brendan.
I'm trying to get his attention.
Well, don't do anything sexual.
Boys hate that.
Well, what did Mom do when she wanted you to notice her? Well, it was the other way.
She didn't know I was alive.
I had to make a grand gesture, so I went to a friend's barn - Lisa? - Your mom didn't like me very much so she told me her name was Lisa.
Hey, it got me here, didn't it? Wow.
A grand gesture, huh? - Thanks, Dad.
- Heh.
Yeah, it got me here.
So how was the big weekend? It didn't happen.
Mike and I got in this big fight.
He says I take on too much with the kids and my aunts.
But what am I supposed to do? Everybody needs something from me.
Must be hard, being needed.
I should tell you about my life but I don't wanna make you jealous.
Have I mentioned I'm a bag in the wind? I'm just so tired.
And now Mike's mad at me.
Before you take care of your relationship, you need to take care of you.
You're exhausted and you need to take a little break.
Right now.
- I can't.
- Of course you can.
You deserve it.
The world's not gonna stop if you take 15 minutes.
Ehlert will be over me because I didn't make coffee.
I'll do it, all right? That's my anniversary gift to you, all right? Go.
Enjoy.
FRANCES: Bob was right.
I did need 15 minutes.
I mean, it wasn't French Lick but it was something.
[SIGHS.]
When it was over I knew that had been the most worthwhile 15 minutes of my life.
Sometimes you don't know how badly you need something until What the? [ALARM BEEPING AND PEOPLE COUGHING.]
Who in the hell made the coffee? SUE: Mom, where are you? BRICK: Mom! Mom! AXL: Mom, I am so, so sorry.
Oh, my God, are you all right? BRICK: Where were you? AXL: Didn't know what to do.
All right, all right.
Hold on.
One at a time.
It is the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to anyone.
Honey, I'm sure it's not as bad as that.
It was.
Bit by bit I was able to piece together what had happened.
It seems the phrase "grand gesture" had stayed with Sue after her talk with Mike.
Um, this is Sue Heck with a special message for Brendan Nichols.
[SINGING.]
Why do birds suddenly appear Every time you are near [STUDENTS LAUGHING.]
Just like me They long to be Close to you FRANCES: It was a girl's worst nightmare.
Everyone in the school was laughing about that ridiculous Sue Heck.
The only bright spot was no one knew who Sue Heck was.
Meanwhile, Axl was offered a rare chance to practice his driving.
Hey, Mom.
Uh, Aunt Edie asked me to drive her to the mall.
So if you don't call me back to say "no" in 60 seconds I'll assume you're okay with it.
FRANCES: At the same time, Brick had decided to take the dog for a pull to show off the many sights of Orson.
This is my favorite place.
You're the first person, or dog, that I've ever brought here.
[GIRL SOBBING NEARBY.]
FRANCES: Apparently, Brick's favorite place was also Sue's favorite place to cry.
Sue? Oh, no.
Doris! Uh, Aunt Edie, I don't think that's okay.
It's all right.
It's my driving beer.
Isn't that Doris? [CRASH.]
Ma'am, I already spoke to your aunt, but I need to clear up a few things.
Your children were trying to get in touch with you? I am so sorry.
I just turned off my phone for 15 minutes.
You turned off your phone.
But you're a mom.
I just needed a break.
From what? Being a mom? No.
Well, yes.
I just have one question.
Why didn't a single one of you think to call your father? Dad hates it when we call him at work.
FRANCES: And so I decided to stop fighting it.
Maybe Queen Elizabeth or Julia Roberts could take 15 minutes in the bathroom with maxi pads on their eyes or plan a trip to the carpet remnant store, but not me.
I had flown too close to the sun and I had paid the price.
- I gotta show you something in the car.
- What, now? So, what did you wanna show me? Buckle up.
What? Mike.
Wait, what are you doing? It's our almost-18th anniversary.
I am taking you to French Lick and buying you a carpet remnant.
Mike.
Okay, look, stop.
No, you can't just do this.
This is crazy.
I don't even have my phone.
And what about the kids? And Aunt Ginny and Aunt Edie? MIKE: Took care of it.
[BOTH LAUGHING AND CHEERING.]
FRANCES: Turns out, after all these years, Mike's a genius.
Okay, time to turn off the TV and have a little family conversation.
Who watched last week's Wife Swap? I'll tell you all about it.
So there's this couple FRANCES: Mike was able to get Bob to give up his "bag in the wind" lifestyle and have a family for one night.
I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to tell you about the best episode.
FRANCES: And as for Mike and I - Happy? - Yeah.
- Route 33 Motor Lodge? Never disappoints.
- And the remnant? - It's so beautiful.
No natural fibers.
It's a shame we have to take it home and let it get covered with life.
You're right.
I think we need to take 15 minutes.
FRANCES: This isn't the easiest phase of life.
You've got young people and old people pulling at you from both directions.
But it's not so bad as long as you've got somebody in there with you.
And that's something you gotta remember to celebrate.
That's me in the car.
Don't wait up because I don't know when I'll be home.
As much fun as this looks a couple of days ago, we had a different plan in mind.
Happy anniversary.
Oh, honey.
I don't have anything for you.
I had long ago learned not to get Mike presents.
What the hell is this? What'd you give me this for? I mean, thanks, but What'd you spend on this? You kept the receipt? FRANCES: This was actually our 16th and 17th anniversary.
We kept postponing the 16th until it floated right into number 17.
I know how busy you been and how badly you wanna get away, so A trip to the carpet remnant store.
- I love it.
Oh! - Heh, heh.
FRANCES: I know.
It's a little pathetic to get so excited about a carpet remnant but the rug in our bedroom had some serious mileage on it.
I told you.
I wasn't kidding.
On Friday, I'm taking you to French Lick we'll stay overnight at the Route 33 Motor Lodge then we'll pick out our remnant on Saturday, and head back home.
I love it.
Except for the "heading home" part.
- Nobody wants to see that.
- I think old people kissing is sweet.
I think we're done here.
Brick.
Packed your lunch.
Let's go.
Hey, can I drive to school today? Not today.
Mom and I have a lot to do.
Plus, we don't wanna die.
If I don't practice, I'm never gonna get my license.
That's why we taught you to walk.
If you stop by the lot after school, I'll sneak you in for a test drive.
- Okay? - Okay.
Get going.
You don't wanna miss the bus.
- Let's go.
SUE: Bye, Mom.
All right.
Have a good day.
See you, guys.
- Hey - Mom? I don't feel good.
FRANCES: Uh-oh.
One sick kid could lead to a whole houseful of sick by Friday and there goes the anniversary.
You're fine, not sick.
Positive attitude.
A bus ride will make you feel better.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
I really don't feel good.
FRANCES: Okay.
If you have to throw up, do it on Mommy's carpet.
The problem is, I had to work that day.
But when you're a working mom, you gotta get creative.
There's ginger ale in the cup holder.
If you need anything, honk twice.
I wish I could stay home and watch TV and have you make me soup.
Oh, sorry, honey.
Wrong family.
Is it against the rules for me to be here? Of course not.
Just keep your head below the window.
Meanwhile, third period at Sue's school was set aside so kids could do whatever clubs they had gotten into.
Since Sue didn't get into any clubs she was sent to the front office to make student IDs a job she referred to as the Lamination Club.
I'm Brendan Nichols.
This is my first day.
Is this where I get my ID made? Are you okay? I'm about done being Mr.
Nice Guy.
The month's almost over and sales are What in the name of good God Almighty is that? It's a houseplant.
A houseplant? This is not your house.
How many times have I told you? No bringing personal items into work.
The only thing any of you need to be worrying about taking care of is me.
You don't need a houseplant stealing your focus from what you should be working on, selling cars.
I'm sorry.
I'm not thinking clearly.
I gave blood this morning.
EHLERT: Well, don't do it again.
BOB: It was very selfish of me, sir.
Did they give you a cookie? Thanks.
Lou, did you see the red sedan that was parked here? Hear that engine? This baby's got 260 horses.
Can you play the radio? [WHISPERING.]
Radio.
FRANCES: How could this happen? I purposely put Brick in the ugliest car on the lot and marked it up by 25 percent.
MAN: Frankie, the, um, package that you left in the back of the red sedan has been placed in the green hatchback.
And Pete says it needs a Kleenex.
Frances, what the hell is your son doing here? Mr.
Ehlert, I am so sorry.
It's just been the worst day.
Hey, Mom.
Oh, you're talking about Axl who is here because he got his learner's permit and we are thinking of buying him a car.
All right.
Show him that yellow car.
It's got a tape deck.
- You're buying me a car? - Wrong family.
This isn't the best day for practice.
I have to find your brother.
- I'll take him out for you.
- Are you sure? Thank you, Bob.
He's good unless he has to turn.
Turn! [CAR HORN HONKING AND TIRES SCREECHING.]
- So, Ax, I hear you play football? - Yeah.
I used to play a little ball myself when I was your age.
In those days they called it foosball.
Wrists used to swell up something awful.
Seems like yesterday I was right where you are now.
I'll tell you, though, a driver's license changes the whole deal.
Once you're out of that house, whew boy.
No family for me.
It's all Bob, all the time.
If I wanna go to the arcade again tonight until it closes, I do it.
No family wondering where I am.
I'm a bag in the wind.
Dude, are you crying? Eyes on the road.
FRANCES: Hiding Brick all day had worn me out.
I needed French Lick more than ever.
- Mom, can I talk to you? - Yeah, sure.
I saw this boy today FRANCES: Now, I know I should have been thrilled by this.
My daughter was telling me about her first big crush.
But I was so tired, all I could do was pretend to listen.
And then I saw something amazing something I was beginning to think I'd never see in my lifetime.
Brick was making a sandwich.
Just this morning he was sick, and now an actual sandwich.
Like that guy who got hit by lightning and knew how to play the piano.
So, what do you think? Is it a good plan? Oh, sure, honey.
That's a great plan.
Heh, yay! Brick, did you make your own lunch? - Uh-huh.
Did it all by myself.
- Hey.
FRANCES: And suddenly everything seemed hopeful.
One less thing I'd have to do tomorrow and the rest of my life.
Brick would make sandwiches, Axl would learn to drive and soon time for trips to the carpet remnant store whenever I wanted.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Or so I thought.
- Hello? EDIE: Frankie.
Oh, hi, Aunt Edie.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Be right over.
My aunts Ginny and Edie had been smoking and coughing for 70 years without considering there might be a connection.
Damn arthritis.
I'm sorry to bother you but here it is 6:00 and we can't open our medicine.
Oh, and another thing.
I failed my driving test today so you're going to have to help get us around.
- What? - I have a foot appointment Tuesday.
And she has get her wheelchair tuned up on Thursday.
And while it's there, you'll have to carry her around.
But don't worry, she's not that heavy anymore.
Okay.
Hold on, I'm gonna have to write this down.
And, dear, could you make me a sandwich? FRANCES: I should have figured this was the way the world worked.
Soon as the kids gain a shred of independence, the old folks spring a leak.
Lost another one.
Oh! Lost another one.
[CHUCKLES.]
FRANCES: Shuttling everybody around all week had made me nuts but at least I had one thing to look forward to.
Okay, Mike, I'm all packed for tonight.
Swing by the mall at 5 and pick up Aunt Ginny at the eyeglass place.
We should be on the road by 8, Sounds like somebody wants to get to the Route 33 Motor Lodge.
Ha, ha.
Mike.
Do you two even know what you look like? Okay, Axl, you're in charge, and I want you to know we trust you.
Then I should have the car keys in case there's an emergency.
I trust you with the kids, not the car.
[SIGHS.]
Sue, what is that you're wearing? It's my idea for telling Brendan that I like him.
Remember? You said it was a great plan.
Oh, honey [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
- Hello? EDIE: We just heard from the doctor.
It's emphysema.
Oh, Frankie.
I don't know how I'm gonna live without her.
Calm down.
Just calm down.
I'll be right there.
Sue, just please change the shirt.
We'll talk more later.
Aunt Ginny, I am so sorry.
I It's the dog? The dog has emphysema? Poor Doris.
How could this have happened? You're kidding, right? The vet says she has to be in a smoke-free environment until she regenerates lung tissue.
What could I say? - So what? Now we're not going? - I don't know.
The kids can't watch her.
You can't leave her alone for more than Someone has to change the nicotine patch.
She's going through withdrawal.
Perfect.
I wanna go on the trip, Mike.
Believe me, I need this trip, okay? I eat standing up, I've been reading the same article in People for a month.
No one wants to get away more than me.
Your problem is you're letting these people control your whole life.
- Aunt Ginny has a son.
- You know Travis is in prison.
And Aunt Edie's kid fried his brain huffing paint.
He's literally the village idiot of Terre Haute.
- What about your mom? - Mom's taking care of Grandma.
How long do people live in your family? You do for family, Mike.
That's all there is to it.
If you did a little less, they'd start dying off and we could have a vacation.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Hello? What? No, no.
I've been at work all day.
Mike was supposed to Okay, just stay put.
I'll be right there.
- You forgot to pick up Aunt Ginny.
- You forgot to remind me.
How many times do I have to remind you? Did you want me to pin a note to your shirt? No.
You should have stuck it on my thermos like you always do.
I'm gonna go pick up Aunt Ginny.
Could you please remember to take the dog outside so it can do its business? - Dog's in a diaper.
- It doesn't know it's in a diaper.
It'll only go if it's outside.
[SIGHS.]
FRANCES: And so that's how Mike and I had a big, old, nasty fight on the loving celebration of our 16th and 17th anniversaries.
Don't wait up because I don't know when I'll be home.
Diapering a damn dog.
- Where's Mom? - Driving the old-mobile.
- Can I ask you a question about a boy? - I'd rather you not.
Okay, okay.
No, it's okay.
Well, his name's Brendan.
I'm trying to get his attention.
Well, don't do anything sexual.
Boys hate that.
Well, what did Mom do when she wanted you to notice her? Well, it was the other way.
She didn't know I was alive.
I had to make a grand gesture, so I went to a friend's barn - Lisa? - Your mom didn't like me very much so she told me her name was Lisa.
Hey, it got me here, didn't it? Wow.
A grand gesture, huh? - Thanks, Dad.
- Heh.
Yeah, it got me here.
So how was the big weekend? It didn't happen.
Mike and I got in this big fight.
He says I take on too much with the kids and my aunts.
But what am I supposed to do? Everybody needs something from me.
Must be hard, being needed.
I should tell you about my life but I don't wanna make you jealous.
Have I mentioned I'm a bag in the wind? I'm just so tired.
And now Mike's mad at me.
Before you take care of your relationship, you need to take care of you.
You're exhausted and you need to take a little break.
Right now.
- I can't.
- Of course you can.
You deserve it.
The world's not gonna stop if you take 15 minutes.
Ehlert will be over me because I didn't make coffee.
I'll do it, all right? That's my anniversary gift to you, all right? Go.
Enjoy.
FRANCES: Bob was right.
I did need 15 minutes.
I mean, it wasn't French Lick but it was something.
[SIGHS.]
When it was over I knew that had been the most worthwhile 15 minutes of my life.
Sometimes you don't know how badly you need something until What the? [ALARM BEEPING AND PEOPLE COUGHING.]
Who in the hell made the coffee? SUE: Mom, where are you? BRICK: Mom! Mom! AXL: Mom, I am so, so sorry.
Oh, my God, are you all right? BRICK: Where were you? AXL: Didn't know what to do.
All right, all right.
Hold on.
One at a time.
It is the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to anyone.
Honey, I'm sure it's not as bad as that.
It was.
Bit by bit I was able to piece together what had happened.
It seems the phrase "grand gesture" had stayed with Sue after her talk with Mike.
Um, this is Sue Heck with a special message for Brendan Nichols.
[SINGING.]
Why do birds suddenly appear Every time you are near [STUDENTS LAUGHING.]
Just like me They long to be Close to you FRANCES: It was a girl's worst nightmare.
Everyone in the school was laughing about that ridiculous Sue Heck.
The only bright spot was no one knew who Sue Heck was.
Meanwhile, Axl was offered a rare chance to practice his driving.
Hey, Mom.
Uh, Aunt Edie asked me to drive her to the mall.
So if you don't call me back to say "no" in 60 seconds I'll assume you're okay with it.
FRANCES: At the same time, Brick had decided to take the dog for a pull to show off the many sights of Orson.
This is my favorite place.
You're the first person, or dog, that I've ever brought here.
[GIRL SOBBING NEARBY.]
FRANCES: Apparently, Brick's favorite place was also Sue's favorite place to cry.
Sue? Oh, no.
Doris! Uh, Aunt Edie, I don't think that's okay.
It's all right.
It's my driving beer.
Isn't that Doris? [CRASH.]
Ma'am, I already spoke to your aunt, but I need to clear up a few things.
Your children were trying to get in touch with you? I am so sorry.
I just turned off my phone for 15 minutes.
You turned off your phone.
But you're a mom.
I just needed a break.
From what? Being a mom? No.
Well, yes.
I just have one question.
Why didn't a single one of you think to call your father? Dad hates it when we call him at work.
FRANCES: And so I decided to stop fighting it.
Maybe Queen Elizabeth or Julia Roberts could take 15 minutes in the bathroom with maxi pads on their eyes or plan a trip to the carpet remnant store, but not me.
I had flown too close to the sun and I had paid the price.
- I gotta show you something in the car.
- What, now? So, what did you wanna show me? Buckle up.
What? Mike.
Wait, what are you doing? It's our almost-18th anniversary.
I am taking you to French Lick and buying you a carpet remnant.
Mike.
Okay, look, stop.
No, you can't just do this.
This is crazy.
I don't even have my phone.
And what about the kids? And Aunt Ginny and Aunt Edie? MIKE: Took care of it.
[BOTH LAUGHING AND CHEERING.]
FRANCES: Turns out, after all these years, Mike's a genius.
Okay, time to turn off the TV and have a little family conversation.
Who watched last week's Wife Swap? I'll tell you all about it.
So there's this couple FRANCES: Mike was able to get Bob to give up his "bag in the wind" lifestyle and have a family for one night.
I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to tell you about the best episode.
FRANCES: And as for Mike and I - Happy? - Yeah.
- Route 33 Motor Lodge? Never disappoints.
- And the remnant? - It's so beautiful.
No natural fibers.
It's a shame we have to take it home and let it get covered with life.
You're right.
I think we need to take 15 minutes.
FRANCES: This isn't the easiest phase of life.
You've got young people and old people pulling at you from both directions.
But it's not so bad as long as you've got somebody in there with you.
And that's something you gotta remember to celebrate.