Everybody Hates Chris s01e04 Episode Script

Since I was the only black kid at my school, I thought people stared at me all the time because they were fascinated with me.
Check it out.
His skin.
Was your hair always like this? Do you know Gary Coleman? But I found out they were just scared of me.
She didn't come out of that classroom for a whole week.
Can you tell me what's going on? There's rumor about the fight.
I had a fight with Caruso, the school bully.
He beat me so bad, I had to take the Underground Railroad home.
Fight! Fight! But somehow that story turned into this story.
Chris hit him in the jaw so hard, my tooth fell out.
Chris knocked Caruso's eye out, put it back, and then knocked it out again.
Chris beat the snot out of him.
You can check his nose-- no snot! Chris chased him home, knocked out his family, then took their house.
Now, when a rumor like this gets started, you never know where it's going to end up.
Are you sure about this? Yes, sir.
After Chris kicked his teeth out, he said, "And I better not see you trying to smile, cracker.
" Cracker Yes, sir.
Cracker.
Dr.
Raymond was the school principal, and the last thing I needed was for him to think I was making trouble.
Thanks kid.
That kid snitched so much, he made more money than the teachers.
Raise it up.
Higher.
Higher! Right there, it's good.
All right.
My brother Drew loved karate, and he didn't take lessons.
All he had to do was see somebody do something, and then he could copy it.
Today, you'd call that a "music producer.
" Chris! Breathe, breathe! Ahhhh What are you doing? Practicing karate.
What are you going to do with karate? My father didn't see the reason of learning anything that didn't get you a job.
So how's school, Chris? You working on anthropology or paleontology, something complicated, I bet.
My mother thought I was learning all kinds of things 'cause I went to a white school.
Nope, it's just regular arithmetic.
Y'all hear that? White kids are working on arithmetic.
Around here, they're still doing math.
My mother always thought bigger words meant something better.
Okay, say the blessing, baby.
Where's the meat? We don't have any.
Didn't you buy some porchops? No, that meat was too expensive.
I know we got some canned Spam or some Vienna sausage or bacon or beef jerky.
Some mean, what kind of meal is that without meat? It's a vegetarian meal.
Do I look like a vegetarian to you? I work 60 hours a week.
I lift papers and boxes all night.
I don't want vegetables.
I need meat.
Didn't you get paid today? I quit my job yesterday.
Oh, I need you to be home early on Thursday so I can pick up my check.
How come you quit? They were disrespecting me, Julius.
My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
Check, please? And I mean anying.
Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people.
I don't need this.
My husband has two jobs.
I don't need to be here right now.
Hold my calls.
Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls.
" Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs! My mother seemed to always find work when she needed it, so my father didn't complain that much.
That's okay, baby.
I guess all those other people are just crazy.
That look means "I know I'm wrong, but I'll be damned if I'll admit it.
" How about steak sauce? We got steak sauce? Hey, killer.
Oh! Oh! I've heard what you've been saying, Meadowlark.
What? I haven't been saying anything! You don't think I have enough problems without people thinking I'm going around stomping other people's teeth out? Do I need that?! Then who's been saying it then? There's "Got your back" guys and "I'll be back" guys.
Greg! Greg was a "I'm running like a bitch" guy.
You two, in my office now.
Dr.
Raymond hated his job because he didn't get paid enough.
* Relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it * So he blew off steam by dancing the nights away with a few close friends.
* Relax, don't do it, when you want to step to it * * Relax, don't do it * You think I like calling you into my office? That's not a rhetorical question.
What's a rhetorical question? It's a question that doesn't need an answer because you already know the answer when you ask it.
Who asked you? Exactly.
Now let me be clear.
If I have any more trouble from either of you, you're going to detention.
Detention was a step up from my old school.
In my old school, if you did something wrong you had to fight the principal.
You want to fight so bad?! Fight me! I ain't scared of you! Well, bring it! Bring it! Oh, no, you didn't! Come on! You, you, you! You should have seen what happened when he tried to suspend her.
Why am I in trouble? You heard.
He beat me up.
No, I didn't.
And he called me a white cracker.
Can you believe this cracker? You got a point, son.
Any more trouble, that's detention.
Ain't this about a bitch? What's this? Meat.
Fresh sausage links.
I got a deal from the meat man.
In Bed-Stuy, "getting a deal" meant you bought something that was stolen.
Now, everybody knew the stuff was stolen, which was cool, as long as it wasn't stolen from you.
Hey! This is mine! Julius, look at all of this.
We'll be eating sausage every meal for a whole week.
If you hadn't quit your job, maybe we'd have a little variety.
Huh? Meat is good for society.
He said you beat him up? Yeah, and I mean, like, Raymond believed it.
A hundred kids saw me getting chased home.
And now, everyone's afraid of me.
Caruso's already beaten the heck out of me every day, and I can't even try to defend myself without gettin' sent to detention.
You know, I can't take this.
Well, why don't you just punch him in the face? You did do it before.
I didn't just walk up there and pow, punch him in the face.
I had a plan which didn't include getting beat down, chased home and sent to detention.
It was like I was getting my ass kicked for getting my ass kicked.
Back at home, my mother was cooking.
I never knew how many meals you could make with sausage.
Chicken-fried sausage, sausage on a stick, kung-pao sausage-- but the was only one problem.
I hate sausage.
Oh, come on, baby.
You haven't even tried it.
That's 'cause I hate sausage.
That look means "There's a smack over here, if you want it.
" Can she just eat her vegetables? I thought vegetables wasn't a meal.
Now, I should send you to Africa, since you don't want to eat.
My mother could deal with a lot of things, but a child who wouldn't eat wasn't one of it.
You're going to sit there until you eat that sausage.
That look means "I'm still thinking about knocking you out of that chair.
" Go to bed, girl.
People go to war over a lot of things: oil, land, lies, but this one started over sausage.
Geez, what was that?! At school, Caruso tortured me every chance he got.
A battery! A 'D' They're packing heavy.
Come on, man.
Let's just go.
No, no! I'm getting tired of him.
Look out! Get out of here! If I'd have had a brick, I'd have hit him.
Maybe he didn't see who threw it.
Now, where was these guys when two guy got shot * Everybody hates Chris.
* After being beat down and set up by Caruso, detentio was about the safest place I could be, as long I followed the rules.
The rules are clearly posted.
I suggest you read them.
The rules were simple: you talk Ten minutes of detention.
If you eat Ten minutes of detention.
If you sleep Ten minutes of detention.
If you did anything in detention other than sit down and shut up Ten minutes of detention.
Since I was the new guy in detention, everybody tried to get me in more trouble.
What? Ten minutes.
- But for what? - 20 minutes.
I didn't tell my mother I was in detention because then she'd come up to school.
And there's nothing worse than a mad black woman at an all-white school.
I thought I told you to be here, so I pick up my check.
I missed my bus.
What were you doing that you missed your bus? Uh, I uh, I just forgot? Oh.
So you forgot to come home? I'll look pathetic and she'll take pity.
Uh-uh.
What's this? It's a bucket and a mop for mopping.
Do the steps, the bathroom and the hall.
This will help you to remember to get your butt home on time.
I'm going to pick up my check.
After two days, Tanya hadn't taken a bite of sausage.
And after having it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, she wasn't the only one who hated it.
mm! Now, this is good.
Isn't it good, baby? Yeah.
Yeah, it's good.
Mmm! It's better than those sausage-o's we had this morning, I'll tell you that.
Well, anybody want some cake? Does it have sausage in it? We didn't usually have cake, but my mother was trying to get at Tanya.
Can I have some cake? You can have some sausage.
I told you.
Sausage.
Another day, another sausage Look, Tonya, if you don't want sausage, then you're probably better off eating lunch at school, then.
I hate school lunch.
You want some sausage? Xie xie nin, Mama.
- What? - It's "Thank you, Mom" in Chinese.
When my brother got into something, he got into it.
You know, he's getting Asian girls to this very day.
Eh! Chris.
I didn't get my check yesterday because I Was late getting over there.
I need you to have your behind home on time.
Do you understand me, boy? Yes, ma'am.
How many days did you get? Three.
Ooh, I better get in there.
I can't be late getting home today.
You are late.
Ten minutes.
But I was right outside the door.
Outside is not inside.
Bu.
.
Would you like to try for minutes? I wonder how many minutes I'd get for knocking her upside the head with this book? Mo.
.
Eh! S chool Don't! But Eh! That look means, "Get in this house before I smack the wax out your ears.
" Baby, just try it.
It's good.
After a few days of sausage for breakfast, lunch and dinner, would you believe my mother started running out of ideas? Mmm! Sausage and Pop Tarts.
You're eating the sausage.
Can I talk to you for a minute? Excuse me children, your father would like to talk to me.
Let's talk.
Baby, if she doesn't eat they could call child welfare on us.
Mm-mm, Julius, that little girl is testing me.
And if I let her tell me what she will and won't eat; the next thing you know, she'll be telling me what she will and won't wear.
Then, the next thing you know, she'll be telling me when she will and won't come home! And then the next thing you know, she's going to end up pregnant-- and I ain't taking care of no babies.
My mother always thought anything that Tanya did wrong would eventually get her pregnant.
And she ain't taking care of no babies.
But it's been two days.
Oh, Julius, it's been three days.
Right.
Three days.
Did you feed her something? Here's a peanut butter sandwich.
When your mama comes down, talk to the side, so she can't smell your breath.
And eat the crust.
I don't like crust! I don't like crust.
Just eat it, girl.
Would you believe my father had to come back and finish the crust? I'm sorry, baby.
Julius! I understand what you're trying to do.
We can put her on punishment.
Whatever.
I mean but we have to feed her.
The next time, why don't you let somebody know before you buy a whole crate of sausage! Thank you! Next time why don't you let somebody know when you quit your job.
I'm sorry? Hey, uh I-I was going tell you - I'm going to get chicken next time.
- Okay.
My man got some hook-up on the chicken.
Dr.
Raymond pulled me out of detention because he thought talking to me would keep me out of trouble.
Son, I know things are rough for you here.
But just because you don't have a father But I do have a father.
Well, when your mother is on drugs My mom's not on drugs.
I understand, but being born a crack baby is no excuse.
I wasn't born a crack baby.
Look, son.
I'm trying to help you.
I know it's rough, but I suggest you try to fit in.
And the next time you throw a battery, that's an automatic suspension.
Why do I have to get suspended? Caruso's the one that started it.
He's calling me names and beating butt every chance he gets.
And I never called him a "cracker.
" Are you sure about this? Yeah.
Good.
To this day, I don't know if he believed me or he thought I was packing.
Stay out of trouble.
So what happened? Oh.
Raymond let me go.
But he thinks I'm a crack baby.
Listen, I just want to get home.
My mother is making spaghetti tonight.
It was the only time that week she made a meal that actually went with sausage.
Hey, it's Tenspeed and Brownshoe.
What, no detention today? Look, why don't you just leave me alone? I mean, what do you want me to do? Go around and tell everybody that you beat the heck out of me? Yeah.
Fine.
I'm just getting tired of you messing with me.
Oh, "I'm just getting tired of you messing with me.
" You just can't reason with a bully.
I don't care.
Greg I told you, running like a bitch.
I know it looks like I'm taking the high road, but all I'm doing is buying me.
Remember, bullies are kind of like dogs.
They usually don't chase you unless you run.
What are you doing? I'm getting revenge.
* You can't hide * Think he went outside?! Just how long is he going to wait to stop this? All of you.
In my office.
Now.
Pick that stuff up.
Despite numerous internal injuries, seeing Caruso go to detention still felt good.
That night, I got home on time, my mother got her check, but Tanya still wouldn't eat her sausage.
Baby, just try it, okay? But I don't like it.
But if you don't try it, you'll never know.
I didn't used to like your father, and now I do.
And I definitely didn't like you, Tanya.
I never liked Drew.
And I hated your mother.
Come on, baby, you can do it.
Just try it.
A little bit.
Okay.
It's good.
Now I'd love to sit here and tell you that we had the sort of loving family that worked out all its problems with love, compassion and patiente that we ended every day with hugs and laughter but here's what really happened that night: Baby, just try it, okay? But I don't like it.
You're going to eat this sausage! Do you hear me?! God, do you think I'm playing with you?! Oh, no! No! Rochelle! No! Rochelle! Rochelle, no, no, no, no! It took us about an hour to get my mother off of Tanya's behind, but eventually, Tanya did eat her sausage.
And as for my mother, well, to this very day, she still ain't raising no babies.