Psych s01e04 Episode Script

How long do we have to wait? Until we catch our bad guy.
Can I sleep? You can't sleep on a stakeout, Shawn.
You can eat.
You can chew gum.
But you can't drink because if you drink, you're gonna have to pee.
And the target always comes out right when you got to pee.
Now I think I gotta pee.
Well, then, Shawn, your bladder is going to get some training tonight, too.
We've got action.
Now, I want you to stay down.
I know, I know, I know.
Go! Go! Come on.
I got you.
I got you red-handed, you lying son of a bitch.
"I don't know what happening to your newspaper, Henry.
" You're transparent, Clark.
You didn't think I could nab a liar like you? I can explain! Tell it to the Neighborhood Watch Association.
Give the paper to the boy, Clark.
What the hell are you doing? Checking baseball scores.
My fantasy team is killing me.
This is the Chief's office! I know, she runs the league.
I'm kidding.
She's in a meeting.
She won't mind.
Plus, we look really important hanging out in here.
Gus, have you tried this chair? It's a pregnancy chair.
We have gotta get one for the office immediately.
My birthing canal has never felt so in line.
We need to get out of here.
She told me to wait.
For what? Gus, I'm not a mind reader.
No, that's just what you tell everybody.
I want you to try this chair.
I'm not trying that chair, Shawn.
I'll sit on the birthing ball.
I kid you not, that thing is like a refreshing waterfall cascading down your vertebrae.
It might help with your stomach issues.
Who told you I had stomach issues? My nose? The vent in the bathroom? Air fresheners all over the place? I'm trying a new medication for my lactose intolerance.
I believe the problem is physical.
And I think it can be cured by what I'm now referring to as the magic springy bounce-up chair.
Hey, Shawn, smoothies are here.
Pineapple? Of course.
Thanks, Buzz.
You're having food delivered? They were already going out.
Oh, boy.
I'm telling you Wow.
What did I tell you? Now, take a hit off this bad boy and complete the moment, you've earned it.
What do you think this is, Mr.
Guster? I apologize.
This will never happen again.
Give me that.
Boys, out! What is this, Gus, a smoothie? You know these things stain.
Mmm.
But they are very delicious.
Chief, would you like some? That's not my smoothie.
I don't care whose smoothie it is.
I don't even remember why I asked you to stay now.
You want us on that case with the blonde woman.
No.
Mmm-hmm, Wintersby, Wilacheck, Wislerbottom? No, no, it's Wilcroft? No, that's not Okay, wait a minute, were you listening in on my conversation? I don't know if I heard it psychically or if I saw you walk by with her and Detective Lassiter, but I definitely heard the word "psychic.
" The woman, Raylene, said she visits an occasional psychic.
She wasn't asking for one.
Well, not in so many words.
No, not in any words.
This is a bank robbery case.
We don't need psychics for a bank robbery case.
Bank robbery? Mmm-hmm.
I didn't read anything in the paper about a bank robbery.
It was four years ago.
So, it went unsolved? It was solved.
Well, then what does she need a psychic for? Gus, that is a perfectly reasonable question.
Thank you, Chief.
We'll be leaving now.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm still confused.
Her husband's partners are getting out of jail.
This is a routine warning that we issue when someone may potentially be in danger.
This is the part where we offer up our services.
No, I think this is the part where we leave.
That's a good idea.
But Believe it or not, Mr.
Spencer, crimes were solved long before you got here.
And they continue to be solved when you're not around.
Oh, I remember what I wanted to tell you.
What? Stay out of my chair.
Bank robbers? Dude, that's awesome.
We should go find Lassiter and our future client.
We gotta go.
Dude, this woman is on an eternal quest for a good psychic? That's me! I'm gonna go find them.
I'm staying right here.
Great idea.
Wait ten seconds, and make an entrance.
Drink some.
Are you saying that I'm in danger? Your husband's partners are being paroled today.
I have reason to believe their first order of business is gonna be to try and find that lost money.
But the only person who knew where that money ended up was my husband.
I know that.
But do they? Hey, Lassi.
Juliet.
Oh, I don't believe we've met.
Or did we meet? In a bank? No, that's not it.
Why am I getting "bank"? Piggy bank? Sperm bank? Doesn't matter.
I'm Shawn Spencer.
I am the official head psychic here at the department.
You don't have a title.
And there is serious doubt as to whether you're really even psychic.
I solved the McCallum disappearance.
And the Summerland murder.
Oh, and I found your keys.
And your badge.
Out.
Shawn, where are my keys? No.
Out! If you don't mind, we're a little busy.
We have a Excuse us, Raylene.
Do we know each other? No, we don't.
I'm sorry.
Psychic, remember? Sometimes I can't turn it off.
Do you do readings? Yes, we do it all.
Full service.
I'm a bit of an enthusiast.
I used to have a regular girl read for me.
Really? Here's a card.
We're at the beachfront location.
I could put my cell number on the back if you have any questions.
Any time, really.
Thank you, you're so kind.
This is a pharmaceutical company.
Like I said, we do it all.
Well, I always say, "A man with many hats " "Doesn't like his haircut"? Exactly.
I thought I was the only one who read that book.
It's my favorite.
Mine, too.
Really? And scene! I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know Theyjust don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end Dude, what took you so long? This is good stuff.
You gotta see what happened to this car.
I mean, it was really What? What happened here? Oh, that? Oh, I had a drywaller come in and take out a wall.
A wall? This is a rental! What do you think our landlord is gonna say? Gee, I don't know, "Thank you"? Gus, this place was way too cramped.
My name is on that lease.
Don't worry, I'll make sure you get a thank you note, too.
You're taking my name off the lease.
And the door, and these Frisbees.
Gus, don't be ridiculous.
Look, I'm almost positive this isn't a load-bearing wall.
But if you're really concerned, why don't you go jump up and down in the attic and make sure? What is she doing here? Ah, she's our first real client.
Actually client? Hired for the job? Actual client.
Go on, man.
I have to admit, when I met you at the police station, I was intrigued, so I checked your recent track record.
It's amazing, really.
Well, it's a team effort.
Not really.
I do most of the work.
What can we help you with, ma'am? I need you to get in contact with someone.
Well, tracking people down is our specialty.
What? Oh, it's not, now? This one might be a little tricky.
How tricky? Is the person out of the state? Country? He's dead.
Ah, and I assume that's why you need a psychic.
Hold on.
Dead? Like dead, dead? Currently being eaten by worms? He's actually entombed in a mausoleum.
Gus, he's ascended to the next dimension.
It's fine.
No, Shawn, I think we might be at a bit of an impasse.
What exactly do you need to know? My husband was not a perfect man.
He got himself in a bit of trouble.
Okay, I'll be honest, it was a lot of trouble.
He got involved in a bank robbery.
He was one of three, but the only one who didn't go to prison.
Unfortunately, the reason he didn't get caught was that he drove his car down an embankment Wait.
I see rain.
No roads, no.
There was a fiery crash, wasn't there? Yes.
What would you like me to ask, Raylene? Well, this is hard to say.
But he was the one designated to bury the money.
They were to all meet later and divide the cash.
Only his partners were caught first.
So why wait until now? His partners think that I know where he hid the money.
If I don't give it to them, they're gonna kill me.
Shawn, can I speak to you outside, please? I guess.
Dude, what is wrong with you? Shawn, I don't know how to break this to you, but you are not psychic.
Clue me in on the problem here.
It's a big problem when the job requires extensive conversing with the dead.
Gus, what is the question that she wants answered? Where is the money, right? That doesn't require any actual dead guy chitchat.
We simply trace his last steps, do a little research, ask a few questions, and bingo! Stop saying "bingo.
" You know how I hate that.
Okay, fine.
Yahtzee.
We're not doing it, Shawn.
Mahjong.
Gus! Mrs.
Wilcroft.
Raylene.
Raylene.
Your problem is outside of our reach.
You are in real danger.
I'd like to recommend police protection.
I'm pleased to be of service.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I know they're in there.
Just so you know, I am uncomfortable with inter-office romance.
I wasn't considering it.
And I'm completely uncomfortable with the implication.
So, it wasn't true, the rumor about you and your last partner? I'm not going to dignify that with a response.
This is them.
JULIET: The bank robbers? Yeah, a little worse for the wear than the day I arrested them.
You caught them? I was part of a team, but, yeah, it was mostly me.
That's a big deal.
Would've been a big deal if I had found the money and closed the case.
Things like that make a career.
Instead, I got a bunch of loose ends, a dead guy, and 3.
6 million in cash that vanished into thin air.
It's funny, they don't look so mean.
What do you mean "mean"? They look like repairmen.
Big repairmen, but they don't look like killers.
Duck! Eyes of a serpent, ears of a bat.
Send us a signal from Shawn.
I hear a voice.
Can I see you outside, please? It wants me to come outside.
Now? I should go.
Is that my bathrobe? What are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a séance.
You can't have a séance! Gus, there are no rules against having a séance.
Anyone can have one.
It's like a garage sale.
Or plastic surgery.
Okay, first of all, technically, you need to have a permit to have a garage sale.
Secondly, you cannot speak to the dead.
Oh, Gus, you don't understand at all, do you? I don't need to make contact with the dead.
No, I need to speak with all the people in that room.
They're witnesses.
We can piece together the rest based on the information they give us.
I'm already on to something.
Check this out.
The dead guy was on the lam for three days with the cash.
He had help.
From whom? I'm almost there.
Raylene? Yes, Shawn? I'm sensing the last time he called before the accident.
Ellen was the only one who talked to him.
Ellen.
Yes, I feel that deeply.
You didn't tell the police that, did you? No, I was afraid.
He's my brother.
I didn't want to turn him in.
No, of course not.
Where did he call from? A pay phone outside a store.
Yes, it was a store, I feel it.
Which store? I think it was a Thriftymart.
Up north.
He'd been driving.
I've always imagined it was the one near Pismo.
Pismo! Yes, but the spirits are confused, they need more specific directions.
Nearest cross street? Just past the park we used to hike with Roger.
Who's Roger? He's our cousin.
Really? But wait, there's more.
The spirits are asking me.
What is Roger's address? I really haven't seen Roger in years.
Come on, Ellen! Work with me! Think harder.
Okay, sorry.
How about a phone number? Okay.
Gus, what have you done? You've broken the chain of spiritual trust.
I didn't break anything.
Don't ruin it for everyone, Gus.
I'm not ruining anything.
Listen, Raylene, I have to apologize to you.
You seem like a very decent person.
But what you need is protection, not this.
A bodyguard, a policeman.
I can assure you, there is no spirit in here.
What? And let me make you a guarantee, there is absolutely no way there will be any sort of contact with zombies You okay? I think that's all for tonight, ladies.
Did you do that? Why would I ruin our totally cool window? For effect, to make me think you contacted an evil ghost.
Gus, please.
Why didn't you float that idea by me sooner? That's genius.
Somebody obviously wants us off this case.
I think it's those convicts.
But whoever it is, we'll never find them.
I just saw them run off.
You sure about that? Yeah.
Ladies, stay here.
We're going after them.
Or it.
Let's get some tacos.
Okay.
And then the window just shattered.
And you think ghosts did it? No.
No.
No.
Though there may have been some women present who thought ghosts were responsible.
I blame it on the two convicts from the Holmby Bank robbery.
I'm sorry, I still don't understand why that means you need to see the entire case file.
Oh, no, no, Juliet, we don't need to see the whole thing.
No.
No, just the cover page, one or two others, here, there.
Definitely the witness list.
Well, you gotta see that.
And the Chief's okay with this? Oh, yeah.
I don't think so.
No? No.
I liked the other girl better.
Not me.
Hey, since we're here, we should do some digging.
Good idea, why don't you dig me getting the hell out of here and going to get some sleep? Hey, I set you up for that.
Lobbed it right over the plate.
Mr.
Spencer! Oh! Hey, you, what a surprise.
You look different.
Yes, I took your advice.
Three weeks without a cigarette.
Well, it has certainly enhanced your aura.
And remember, it wasn't my advice, it was your grandma's spirit.
Have you spoken to her again? She's here.
Now? Yes.
Where? In this hallway? No.
In the records room.
I thought I felt something eerie in there.
Me, too.
Unfortunately, I'm not allowed down there.
Please.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Not too much light.
You don't want to scare her away.
Yes.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I can feel her, all right.
She's She's over by the W's.
Why? No.
W.
This is it! I'm nervous.
Don't be.
I want you to relax.
Breathe.
Close your eyes.
Why would she be in the W's? I don't know.
Did you know any W's? That bastard Walter.
Walter.
Your ex? Wow! Yes.
I hear something.
Yes, me, too.
Paper.
No, it's not paper.
Yes, it's clearly paper.
You have to concentrate.
Breathe deeply.
No, uh-uh.
I'm definitely not feeling anything anymore.
I think we've lost her.
I'm so sorry I couldn't reach her.
It's okay.
I know how temperamental the spirit world can Your hand! Oh! It was the spirits! Yes.
It's a message from beyond.
What does it say? I think I should keep it to myself.
It's a private message.
Dude, you look so peaceful when you're sleeping.
Never come in my apartment again.
You hear me? I've seen the Holmby Bank file.
Look, Shawn, I don't want to The cousin is the key.
Which cousin? The one the sister mentioned? And then immediately regretted.
You could see it.
She let it slip.
Dude, the guy runs a cemetery.
Which one? Oh, I don't know, the one David Wilcroft is buried in? I'll bet you dollars to donuts he knows exactly where the money is.
Look, it's all right here on my hand.
His name is Roger Blaine, creepy as all get-out.
Lives on the grounds, alone, no wife, no kids.
Not that part.
That's the Italian seamstress I met at the Renaissance fair.
How much further is this place? I don't know, And you didn't get me a donut? I did get you a donut.
Then I ate it.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
Solving a crime? That happens to be our job description.
No, driving so far on a whim.
A whim, he says.
A guy dies and gets buried by his own weirdo cousin in a tiny cemetery way up the coast in a town with a population of 200.
That is not a whim, that is a clue.
You think the cousin has the money? Roger Blaine? That even sounds like an alias.
He could've killed Wilcroft.
Or it could have been the sister.
Gus, they're all kind of creepy.
The dead guy, the undertaker, the sister, Raylene.
Oh, there's nothing creepy about Raylene.
Nothing creepy about the melodramatic widow? No.
Are you serious? Who marries a bank robber? Who sees a psychic every week? There's nothing wrong with her, Shawn.
Okay.
What is this thing you have with women in jeopardy? They have a name for this, you know.
It's called the Stockholm syndrome.
No, it's not.
Florence Nightingale's disease? Are you trying to be funny? You can't ridicule me because I want to help.
I can when you want to help too much.
You have an unnatural affinity for this woman that I simply cannot wrap my brain around.
She dresses like she's on her way to a PTA meeting.
Fine.
She reminds me of somebody who was very important to me.
Who? Don't worry about it.
Oh, no.
What? Don't say it.
What? Don't say Meredith Baxter Birney! It's not MBB! This is unhealthy.
Okay, you were in love with her, too.
I loved her because she was Mrs.
Keaton, and she gave birth to APK.
It's not her anyway.
Well, who is it? My babysitter.
Your babysitter.
Yes, my babysitter.
Gus, Mrs.
Pilderman was in her late 60s.
Mrs.
Pilderman was 37 years old and she was a nurse, Shawn.
She taught me things, like, you know, about books and art.
Things like that.
Things like skinny-dipping? I did not go skinny-dipping with Mrs.
Pilderman! Well, at least that sheds some light on it.
Huh, nobody's home.
No, somebody's here.
You can see through doors now, that's the new thing? I can smell the laundry vent.
No, you can't.
Okay.
Oh, Gus, please with the supersmeller.
You have to stop! Oh, dude, I can smell it, too.
I told you.
Jeans and socks and underwear and a Bounce sheet.
Make jokes.
How long do you think it takes to dry a load of clothes? Thirty minutes? Somebody's here and not answering the door.
Gus, I apologize.
That's very impressive detective work.
I feel a little bad about the donut thing now.
You should.
Dang it! Let's try the back.
Just stay and watch.
Go on, G.
Whoa! You're not Roger! No, no, you're You're David Wilcroft.
Aren't you supposed to be dead? Gus? Gus? Look.
It's not that easy to explain.
I'm not a real criminal.
I just I got in a little over my head.
You robbed a bank.
I didn't want to.
I was in a bad place.
They trusted me.
I was supposed to stash the cash.
You lost the money.
Yeah.
How'd you know? It was raining.
Really hard, for two whole days.
It was the worst rainstorm in 30 years.
You couldn't find it.
Yeah.
By the time the roads reopened, every marker I left was gone, it was washed away.
I lost three and a half million dollars.
Driving back, I nearly drove off the road.
It was then I realized I'd be better off dead.
And you have been digging ever since.
Every chance I can get out there without the risk of being seen by hikers or mountain bikers, I dig.
You know what? Raylene is in agony over this.
I didn't mean her any harm.
You were never gonna tell her? I couldn't.
Excuse us a moment.
What? Gus, what's happening with you and this guy's wife? Are you having feelings for this woman? That's ridiculous.
No, no, Gus.
Gus, this is wonderful.
Look, we didn't know he was alive.
When she came to us she was technically available.
Shawn.
Stop it.
I'm not hitting on your wife.
No, he's not.
But there's some serious crushing going on here.
Dude, I am not blind.
"A man with many hats doesn't like his haircut"? What book is that from? She's a charming woman.
A charming woman? Oh, you're Jane Austen now? She's an adult, she is attractive, she's mature.
Shawn David, help me out here, tell him that this is healthy.
Raylene is a very dynamic woman.
Everybody is drawn to her.
Look, guys, I know you want to turn me in.
But you gotta understand I'm close.
I am so very close.
I've covered nearly every inch inside the Kalish trail loop where I buried it.
And you want us to let you find it? Get her to hide someplace, someplace safe.
I just want to return the money and get on with my life.
Hmm? We have to think this through.
Yeah.
You know, in my mind, they were the lucky ones, they got to go to prison, pay off their debt to society.
I've been living as a dead man.
If Raylene's going to find out that I'm alive, at the very least, don't let it come from a stranger, let it come from me.
We're letting him go? He's not going anywhere until he finds that money.
I doubt that'll be anytime soon.
He did have cool hair, though.
God, we're missing something else here! He's the key to solving this puzzle.
We need to tell Raylene.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're holding all the cards here, Gus.
Why would we do that? Because she's in danger.
Maybe we can fix that.
Your husband, he's alive.
Gus! Remember the part where we weren't going to tell her? We never said that! David's alive? We found him.
He's with his cousin.
Roger? No, no, no.
That can't be.
I'm sure your head is spinning and that you don't feel completely safe right now.
But rest assured, we do have a plan.
We are gonna put the convicts back in jail.
Where they belong.
And are gonna stay for a while.
We'll put these guys behind bars, where they belong.
So who authorized this stakeout? What? You know, who set it up? I did.
I mean, who sanctioned it? Approved it? Above you.
Above me? You know, I don't think I like where this is going.
I just mean it should be officially sanctioned as per the police code.
Which one? Ticky-tack.
Doesn't apply.
In most cases someone still has to authorize it.
Oh, that's right, I remember now.
I did! Well, what about 42.
211? What about it? Well, it states that It's superseded by 15.
75.
Not necessarily.
If you're in the jurisdiction of a 23.
40, it is.
Maybe.
Maybe? Technically, a 23.
40 only applies in federal cases.
What are you doing in here? I thought we could share info.
What are we looking at? Get the hell out of my car! Shouldn't you be wondering how I slid in and lounged for two minutes without you noticing? You're new and pretty, so it's okay.
You've got ten seconds before I latch the doors and haul you down to the station.
They don't know where the money is.
What? Isn't that why you're following them? So they'll lead you to the money? Psychic.
It's amazing.
You'll get used to it.
Look, the dead guy buried the money and then lost it, but that's beside the point.
I think we can cut our losses, put those two back behind bars, if we work together.
And how do we do that? Well, first, we dress up as musketeers and make a very special pact.
Come on, you've watched them pull at least a handful of probation violations.
You've been tailing them.
You saw what they did to my office.
They haven't been anywhere near your office.
They were near enough to bust out my window two nights ago.
No, you're wrong.
You lost them, anyway.
We'll talk tomorrow.
Bye, Juliet.
They don't want our help? Of course they don't.
But they also lost our guys.
Did you see where they went? Did I see where they went? You mean did I see their car turn right on Riverside? Or did I see the parking tag from the 2400 Motel? Touché! Did you see what kind of whiskey they bought? Shawn, please.
Time is being wasted.
This is breaking and entering.
No, no, no.
Only if we break something.
And then enter something.
Entering is just entering.
I'm not breaking a law, Shawn.
Look, you wanna save your little widow? We've got to find some evidence to put these guys away.
I'm standing firm on this.
Fine, what about the window? If it just opens, does that count? Depends.
Ooh.
Hey, I see something.
Shawn? I might be able to slide this chain off.
Shawn? Gus, I'm trying to concentrate.
You might wanna turn around.
What? Whoa! You guys parked round back, huh? Okay, okay! Was that really necessary? Were we resisting? Man, window inspector? In a motel? Okay, I lied.
I did.
I'm sorry.
The truth is I'm a psychic.
That's what I do.
Perhaps you've read about me in the paper recently.
I've been in jail four years.
You don't have papers? I thought you guys had TV and yard darts and mahjong and Okay, I come bearing a message from a departed being.
David Wilcroft wants you to know that he lost the money.
It's gone forever.
Why you telling us this? He is concerned that you're going to harm Rins Racquel Raylene.
Raylene.
Oh, that's funny.
That is funny.
Jesse, can you make sure that we are not disturbed? You can Can you prove you're a psychic? Sure.
Sure.
You are a bank robber.
Yes, you did not like prison.
You are wearing the same pants that you were released in, and you have packed on a few pounds since being No, look, man, I'm talking about real proof! Like a test.
Now, look, if you're right, you live.
If you're wrong Man, you don't wanna be wrong.
Here's the thing.
It's not really a parlor trick.
No.
And I don't want to cheapen it.
Look, prove it now.
Let's go.
What's wrong with you, man? Move! Okay! Okay! How many fingers? How many fingers? Are you kidding? Do I look like I'm joking around? How many fingers? We gotta be able to come up with something better than that.
All right, man.
Time's up.
Four.
All right, how many now? Two.
Now can we move on? Because Gus and I have some questions that we Three.
For instance, why was it so funny Three.
And is it possible Still three.
Now it's technically two and a half fingers.
And the guy with the gun is flipping me the bird.
You can see my fingers, can't you? No.
No.
Yes, yes, yes, I can.
It's the reflection of the TV bouncing off the mirror to the water pitcher here.
All right.
Okay, maybe not.
We're gonna try this one more time.
Now, how many fingers? Dude, you need to stop picking three.
Respect, man.
Gee.
Oh, man! That's Yep.
They're back here.
I can't believe we lost them.
Don't think that wasn't on purpose.
To Wilcroft.
A hell of a wheel man.
He was the wheel man? Yeah.
You should know that, right? Well, Shawn's visions sometimes are scattered.
Incomplete.
How does a wheel man miss a turn on a mountain road? I tell you what, he didn't miss that turn.
I bet he just drove straight off.
You wanna know why? Because he was trying to get away from his wife.
Damn, you're good.
No, no.
That can't be, why would he be We called her the Viper.
Man, she was cold as hell.
We had to do whatever she said, man.
We had no choice.
Who? The wife.
Raylene? You know her? Well, she came to us, she wanted to contact David.
Figures.
That was her only weakness.
The occult.
Man, she'd stop at nothing to get her hands on that money.
No, she only wanted the money to protect herself from you two.
From us? Yeah.
Man, the last thing we would ever do is cross her.
All we wanted to do was get away from her.
Especially David.
Man, she ran him around like he was an animal.
He did whatever she said.
Look, man, I don't know if you guys got caught up in the charm or whatever, but I'll tell you, man, that was her key.
She could play anybody.
I'm telling you she is a very dangerous lady.
Raylene was the mastermind? I already knew that.
Because I'm a psychic.
Come on, guys.
We should go.
You don't want to go out that way.
Why? We got company outside.
Is there another way out of here? I can't believe I just crawled through a bathroom window.
It has to be a lie.
Gus, you're attracted to dangerous women, man.
It happens.
Joan Jett, for example.
Penny Marshall.
Grace Jones.
Or the woman who played Pinky Tuscadero.
She seemed so sincere.
So vulnerable, you know? Yeah! Turns out she's a domineering snake lady who drove her browbeaten husband to fake his own death.
And we, we led her right to the poor bastard.
Lizzie Borden, Kathy Bates! Raylene! This is not you Whoa! What, today's gun day? Sit.
"Just rush in here.
" Bad idea, Shawn.
Let her hang herself.
Quiet.
Raylene, I am sensing that this is going to end very, very badly.
Find me my money.
I know you have it.
He doesn't have it.
I'm the only one who knows where the money is.
Whoa! He doesn't know where the money is.
Of course I know where the money is.
Shawn, I don't know what your strategy is, but you don't know where the money is.
You have five seconds.
One Really? The countdown? Two Three! Okay, it's in the crypt! The money's in the crypt? Well, David here certainly isn't.
Think about it, Raylene.
Roger runs the place.
It's the perfect hiding spot.
They can get in and out whenever they want.
Pry it open.
With what? With the stanchion.
Apparently those are called stanchions, Gus, were you aware of this? Yes, I was.
How did you figure out that money was in the crypt? I'm bluffing.
This is not a good time to bluff! I think it's a great time! She was going to kill us.
And besides, I've always thought a crypt was a great place to stash loot, you know? It's kind of like a vault, I mean, you can just get in there whenever you need to.
She's gonna figure out you're lying.
Eventually.
But, come on, it's gonna take a while to bust open a crypt.
Wow.
Not as long as I was hoping for.
Help him get it out.
Raylene, please.
What are you waiting for? That.
Son of a David? I don't believe this.
Well, what are you going to do, Raylene? Shoot all of us? None of you are armed.
I can do whatever I want.
Really now? Drop it.
You, move away from the stanchion.
What took you so long? Shut up! He does have nice hair.
Yeah, that takes a lot of upkeep, though, man.
Yeah.
You gotta worry about split ends Dandruff.
Dandruff.
It's horrible.
It's awful.
Yeah.
Let's get out of here.
The Wilcrofts are not talking at all to our investigators.
We get indications from their lawyers that they will plead the fifth to all charges, which leaves me with a whole slew of loose ends.
For instance, Detective Lassiter, could you tell me how you made the discovery that David Wilcroft was still alive? Well, actually, Chief, we never made that connection, per se.
We were on a stakeout Yes, I see that.
You describe it as "harrowing and intense.
" I'm sorry, those were my words.
You wanted me to spell-check it.
I still don't understand how that connected you to David Wilcroft.
Well, that's where we come in, Chief, some good work was done By Detective Lassiter.
He was amazing.
He figured out there was a connection to Roger Blaine, the cousin, who was involved with the faking of the death.
Burnt body, no DNA, pretty convenient, he deducted.
I never said that.
No, but you thought it.
That's how good you are, Lassy.
You practically solved this entire case up here without uttering a spoken word.
I did nothing of the kind.
I was following the money and protecting Raylene.
Who turned out to be the dangerous one.
Which I picked up from Detective Lassiter's massive brain.
Not true.
True.
Not.
It was so! Gentlemen, please.
So we still have no idea where the money is? I got nothing from him.
But if he figures anything out I'll be the first to know.
Would you excuse us for a moment? We're going to have a private conversation.
I know what you're doing.
Giving you credit? You're trying to get me to admit you're psychic.
You've already done that.
No, I haven't.
You're right.
I'm sorry, you didn't actually say it.
Spencer, no matter what you do, I will never, never ever say those words.
Which words? You know which words.
No, man, I lost my train of thought.
Which words? Oh, that you think I'm a psychic.
Those words? So when are you going to tell them where the money is? I don't know where the money is.
Sure you do.
You're seeing dirt.
Am I right? No! What am I going to say now? What are we doing here? It's Saturday, I thought we'd get some fresh air.
We drove an hour out of town to get some fresh air? Well, there's that, and we're gonna find the dread pirate Wilcroft's dirty booty.
Shawn, the guy's been digging for four years.
We're gonna find it in one afternoon? Ninety minutes.
Tops.
And I brought some chicken for a hearty snack.
And how do you plan on finding it? Well, he said he dug every inch of the Kalish Loop after he buried it here.
Right? Yes.
Three miles' worth.
But it was dark and it had rained.
And he said he thought it was right off the path, he may have gotten lost.
I heard the story, Shawn.
Did he realize there's a J.
Kalish and an L.
Kalish trail? Dude, it's completely defunct.
Check it out, only used by the rangers for back fires, medical access, mud slide emergency routes, like, for instance, during a torrential rainstorm.
Otherwise, it's gated and it looks completely abandoned from the road.
Okay, I find it, I get credit.
I'm the psychic, I have to get a vibration.
"Chief?" "Yes?" "I'm getting a trailhead, a pathway.
"And something else.
" "What is it?" "Chicken bones.
"Yes, tandoori style.
"Fresh!" "Oh, I bet they were delicious.
" "Yes.
" In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity If it's all right then you're all wrong But why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know I know, you know