Roseanne s01e06 Episode Script
Lovers' Lanes
well, this is called "lover's lane" and it's the bowling show.
that was the first show, i think, where i really started to be having fun and you know, doing more than just delivering a flat line- you know, a flat punchline.
i got to act funny.
i got to do funny things.
i got to like, kinda blow my character out a little bit and have fun.
- pETE: hey, girls.
- jACKIE: pete, please we're trying to eat.
jackie, you ought to be in a better mood.
it's friday.
what are you girls doing tonight? well, we were gonna go out and try to find some dim-witted bald guys.
was that supposed to mean me? what are you gonna do, pete? i'm gonna go out and redefine the word "manhood" for some woman.
well, you know, you've already redefined it for me.
you wish.
i could use some manhood myself.
- sylvia.
- well, what am i, dead? there's still some tread in these old tires.
well, it would be fun to go out tonight.
fun? hell, it's a necessity.
we should go dancing.
let's drive out to the night monkey.
ooh, i've never been there.
is it nice? oh, it's a real class joint.
you can meet men there from the finest prisons.
and you have a better idea? - don't i always? - let's hear it.
- well, it's kind of wild.
- what? it's something you'd never think about in a million years.
- what? - bowling.
- no.
no way.
- come on, it'd be a blast.
- for who? - for me.
yeah, for you.
every time we go bowling, it's the same thing.
you screw around and you mess up everybody's game.
she's right.
you have no respect for the sport.
come on, i love bowling.
it's the perfect workout.
six seconds of exercise, drink beer a half an hour.
i really need an excuse to get dan out of the house.
otherwise, he's gonna make me sit with him and watch "big-time wrestling.
" oh, i forgot that was on tonight.
sonny boy crusher takes on mike the mangler.
there's no way i'm gonna miss that.
what about you, booker? you wanna go bowling? - are you kidding? - no, for reals.
you wanna go? - who else is going? - i am.
oh, yeah.
jackie's been begging me all day to go with her.
you gonna beg me? it's friday night, booker.
i thought you'd have plans.
yeah, i do, actually.
i'm going bowling with you.
great.
see, crystal, we're all going.
what are you gonna do, sit home and check the expiration dates on all your dairy products? all right, i'll go.
but, roseanne, you got to promise to behave yourself.
i promise to be on my best friday night behavior, crystal.
bowler's honor.
come on, everybody! let's go! shake a leg! - get it? - yeah.
it's gonna work out fine, babe.
we're gonna get home just in time to see snakeman take on the human clamp.
oh, that reminds me of our honeymoon.
- we need money.
- yeah, give us our money.
your money? i don't care whose money it is, just give it to us.
well, not till we hear the magic word.
now.
ooh.
no, the magic word.
- please! - please! what beautiful, obedient children.
pay 'em off.
- how much? - five bucks a hit.
okay, here you go, five smackeroonies apiece.
and that's it for tonight.
don't come crying for more.
and, d.
j.
, don't draw on it this time.
- i get the front seat.
- no, you don't.
- yes, i do.
ah-ha! - no, you don't.
five bucks apiece for them little beggars.
that's a lot of money.
yeah, but look at it this way.
for five bucks, they're out of our hair all night.
hell, let's give 'em each a hundred, maybe they'll move to cleveland.
becky, come on! yeah, get a move on before my hand cools down.
your what? feel this, baby.
there's a 200-point game pulsating through these fingers.
let's not waste it on bowling.
mom, d.
j.
took the front seat and it's not his turn.
all right, that's it.
in the trunk with both of you.
what's taking becky so long? puberty.
she's getting dressed up for her boyfriend.
what boyfriend? - chip.
- chip who? you know, $5.
00 really doesn't go that far.
well, neither does the little girl with two broken legs.
pumpkin, i'd hate to see you hobbling around for the rest of your life.
now, who's this chip guy? give.
all right, he works at the bowling alley.
he's not that tattooed guy that sweeps up the parking lot, is he? no, he goes to school with becky on the weekdays and only works at the bowling alley on the weekends.
she's got the major hots for him.
oh, she does, does she? whoa! whoa! look at you.
oh, are we gonna be working the lounge tonight? what are you all dressed up for just to go bowling? any particular reason? no.
well, what about chip? chip, chip, chip, chip.
shut up.
darlene, i'm gonna kill you and burn everything you own.
- come here, you.
come here.
- what? tell us about this stud we're gonna be meeting tonight.
mother, you're not going to meet him.
well, we're gonna be at the bowling alley, and chip's gonna be at the bowling alley.
we're bound to run into one another.
please don't embarrass me.
please.
oh, honey, there's no way we'd embarrass you.
please, if you really loved me, you'd pretend you're not my parents.
all right, get out of our house, little girl.
thank you.
so, little becky has got her first boyfriend, huh? oh, i wonder what this guy is like.
rosie, you know girls always go for guys who remind them of their fathers.
not if they listen to their mothers.
come here, baby.
give snakeman a little kiss.
all right, becky, where is this romeo? you promised.
you're not my parents.
you don't know me, you've never seen me.
that's right, rosie charm.
we swore a oath.
just give me my money, and i'll go.
we don't give money to strangers.
mother.
- all right, now here.
don't elope with this.
- thanks.
- what size shoe you wear, dan? - eleven.
eleven, a very common size.
i bet five different men wear those bowling shoes every day.
five men who bowl and sweat and have who knows what kind of hygiene health.
crystal, would you stop flirting with my old man? she's right, rosie.
these are kind of grungy.
check 'em out.
it's some kind of fungus in there.
get away.
you're making me sick.
you can't see fungus.
i think that's that good-luck mold they stick in 'em.
this looks like the party lane.
i'm here, dan.
you can start having fun.
they didn't tell me it was scag night.
you got your own shoes, huh? yeah, i don't use those rented things.
dan, they're loaded with germs.
roseanne, you're supposed to put your shoes under the bench.
says who? it's just part of good bowling.
see, all the league bowlers place their shoes neatly under the bench.
you could never be in a league.
come on, baby, let's go pick out a couple of balls.
- you pick me one out.
- no, roseanne, pick out your own ball so you get the proper fit.
- come on, i'll help you.
- rOSEANNE: oh, this is work.
you any good at this game? yeah, i'm pretty good.
i haven't played in a long time, but i used to be a high scorer.
we're talking about bowling, booker.
that, too.
so you care to make a friendly wager? - yeah.
- all right, if i win, then you have to spend the night at my place.
that's pretty friendly.
if the stakes are too high, just say so.
well, it sounds like a one-sided bet.
actually, no.
see, 'cause if you lose, then we both win.
i've got a 160 average, booker.
there's no way you're gonna beat me.
what if you win? then you spend the night at my place.
sounds good.
scrubbing my bathroom.
whatever gets you in the mood.
is that a bet? yeah.
yeah.
oh, i love you guys' shirts.
didn't you have a hit record out the year i was born? come on, you guys.
warm-up frame.
bOOKER: come on, danny! hey! all right.
all right.
all right.
hey, everybody, quiet, would ya? can't you see somebody's trying to bowl here? dan, you're up.
let's go, show 'em how it's done.
show us that special gutter ball.
this is it.
history in the making.
dan conner is on his way to a 200 game.
- check the score lately? - i know the score, booker.
what am i up, it's very early in the game.
but i am bowling better than i ever have.
why do you think that is? - yeah! - danny! - danny! - hey! you are sizzling.
sss book, you're up.
hey, what's going on with you and booker? nothing.
oh, that's why he's drooling all over himself.
we made a bet.
what kind of bet? a friendly bet.
how friendly? extremely friendly.
where was i when mom and dad were dropping you on your head? it's fine.
he's been lucky so far, but his game's about to fall apart.
ooh! now he's crumbling.
he only knocked down, uh he only knocked down, what, ten pins on that one.
dAN: roseanne it's your turn.
- i just bowled 20 minutes ago.
- get up there.
- honey? - what? if you manage to knock down one pin, i'll be your love slave for life.
yeah, but what do i win? honey, that was sensational.
you managed to keep it in our lane.
hey, darlene, what you doing? what are you doing here? oh, i'm looking for chip.
i got to go to the ladies room.
okay, darlene, where is he? i promised becky i wouldn't tell.
well, you'd better tell me, darlene, or i'm gonna have to start dancing.
mom, no.
right here in front of all your friends.
hear that music.
mom, please! oh, i can't stop myself.
i must dance.
okay, okay.
you win.
chip's the guy behind the counter.
rOSEANNE: the blond? - yes.
- oh, he's cute.
don't tell becky i told you.
oh, honey, you know i'm smarter than that.
i'll just hold it over your head for the rest of your life.
so, how's this bet between you and booker going? booker is beating the pants off of me.
literally.
hurry up.
hurry up.
- ( PINS CLATTERING .]
- ss-so close.
come on, danny, hit the spare.
you got it.
oh, booker's really on a roll, roseanne.
all we got to do is, like, break his concentration.
yeah, we break his concentration.
right.
yeah, you can handle that.
yes, and once again, i will save you from your pitiful self.
yes! the ruler! iceman dan conner has picked up that difficult spare.
and let's see it again in slow motion.
the ruler.
- hey, can i be your bowling groupie? - take a number.
jackie, watch carefully as i put the game out of reach.
booker, did you get that infection cleared up? i have got to go over there and talk to him.
then go.
darlene, you don't understand.
you don't just walk up to a guy and start talking to him.
no, you hide behind a video game all night drooling like a geek.
i have to figure out exactly what to say.
well, go buy some popcorn.
all right, this is it.
here i go.
- hi.
- hi.
how are you doing? oh, fine.
- how are you doing? - fine.
so, you're working tonight? yeah, i was supposed to go to the steel vipers concert.
my mom said i couldn't go unless she came with me.
- i told her to forget it.
- parents are so uncool.
they won't let you go anywhere alone.
yeah.
your parents here tonight? no way.
they just dropped me off.
i'm here by myself.
you sell pretzels here? yes, ma'am.
pretzels, popcorn, peanut, whatever you want.
- i got to go.
- no, wait, you don't have to leave.
i'll just be a second.
come on, sit down.
- okay.
- oh, why don't you finish waiting on this beautiful young woman.
no, that's okay.
you can wait on her.
oh, you're so kind.
listen.
uh give me two pretzels and two beef jerkys.
okay, coming up.
nice weather we're having, huh? - you want any sodas to go with that? - no.
the snacks are just fineroony.
so, you like working here, chip? yes, it's okay, i guess.
- what do they pay you? - enough.
- you gonna be working here forever? - nope, i get off at nine.
that's 3.
50.
four bucks.
keep the change, honey.
thanks.
she gave me a tip, and all she bought was pretzels.
- that was real cool.
- yeah, real cool.
hey, look at what i found.
- where did you find it? - stuck to a video machine.
what have you got in your pocket? - ice cream sandwich.
- smart move.
i was saving it for later.
booker, you're up.
last frame.
game's already in the bag.
this is just a formality.
shut up and bowl.
what's the matter with you, honey? she bowled a 97.
well, they just ought to take you outside and shoot ya.
i'm never gonna play this game again.
yes, you are, honey.
you'll do it again next week, and you'll be just as annoying as you were tonight.
oh, yeah.
good one, booker.
roseanne, you're up.
that's it.
read 'em and weep.
- did you really think i was gonna pay up? - yes.
would you really want me there against my will? absolutely.
- all right, booker, a bet's a bet.
- that's right.
what, it would be so bad? what? spending the night with me.
would that be such a horrible thing? it might be nice.
yeah, just nice.
it would be incredible.
yeah, it would be incredible.
not tonight.
what? not on a bet.
not tonight and not on a bet.
you welcher! come on, roseanne, would you get up there? it's the last frame.
- ah! - cRYSTAL: get it over with.
dAN: come on.
all right, what's my score? uh, let's see.
seven.
what inning is it? get up there and bowl.
come on, roseanne.
come on, roseanne.
come on! well, you can razz me all you like, but i am unshakable.
oh, yeah? i can get a strike any time i want.
how's that? i pretend like the pins are the kids and this is your head.
have at it.
la-la-la-la-la-la-la! come on, roseanne! la-la-la-la! aND IT'S A BODY BLAST, AND THE hUMAN cLAMP GOES DOWN.
oh, it's all over now.
snakeman's got it wrapped up.
- tHE hUMAN cLAMP IS UNDEFEATED IN 47 CONSECUTIVE MATCHES - this is like all-male porno, except for they're wearing bathing suits.
i was a pretty good wrestler in junior high school.
coach used to call me damaging dan conner.
god, don't make me listen to that boring story again.
whoa! whoa! look out, ladies and gentlemen! it's a crunch suplex! no! he got her over! he's going for it! he's going for the finger four! he's bouncing off the ropes! ladies and gentlemen, look out! holy cow! he's setting her up for a heart punch! oh! it's illegal in 30 states! holy cow, ladies and gentlemen! iceman dan conner has gone berserk! he's setting her up! he's got her! one, two, three.
- do you quit? - one more.
four.
that was the first show, i think, where i really started to be having fun and you know, doing more than just delivering a flat line- you know, a flat punchline.
i got to act funny.
i got to do funny things.
i got to like, kinda blow my character out a little bit and have fun.
- pETE: hey, girls.
- jACKIE: pete, please we're trying to eat.
jackie, you ought to be in a better mood.
it's friday.
what are you girls doing tonight? well, we were gonna go out and try to find some dim-witted bald guys.
was that supposed to mean me? what are you gonna do, pete? i'm gonna go out and redefine the word "manhood" for some woman.
well, you know, you've already redefined it for me.
you wish.
i could use some manhood myself.
- sylvia.
- well, what am i, dead? there's still some tread in these old tires.
well, it would be fun to go out tonight.
fun? hell, it's a necessity.
we should go dancing.
let's drive out to the night monkey.
ooh, i've never been there.
is it nice? oh, it's a real class joint.
you can meet men there from the finest prisons.
and you have a better idea? - don't i always? - let's hear it.
- well, it's kind of wild.
- what? it's something you'd never think about in a million years.
- what? - bowling.
- no.
no way.
- come on, it'd be a blast.
- for who? - for me.
yeah, for you.
every time we go bowling, it's the same thing.
you screw around and you mess up everybody's game.
she's right.
you have no respect for the sport.
come on, i love bowling.
it's the perfect workout.
six seconds of exercise, drink beer a half an hour.
i really need an excuse to get dan out of the house.
otherwise, he's gonna make me sit with him and watch "big-time wrestling.
" oh, i forgot that was on tonight.
sonny boy crusher takes on mike the mangler.
there's no way i'm gonna miss that.
what about you, booker? you wanna go bowling? - are you kidding? - no, for reals.
you wanna go? - who else is going? - i am.
oh, yeah.
jackie's been begging me all day to go with her.
you gonna beg me? it's friday night, booker.
i thought you'd have plans.
yeah, i do, actually.
i'm going bowling with you.
great.
see, crystal, we're all going.
what are you gonna do, sit home and check the expiration dates on all your dairy products? all right, i'll go.
but, roseanne, you got to promise to behave yourself.
i promise to be on my best friday night behavior, crystal.
bowler's honor.
come on, everybody! let's go! shake a leg! - get it? - yeah.
it's gonna work out fine, babe.
we're gonna get home just in time to see snakeman take on the human clamp.
oh, that reminds me of our honeymoon.
- we need money.
- yeah, give us our money.
your money? i don't care whose money it is, just give it to us.
well, not till we hear the magic word.
now.
ooh.
no, the magic word.
- please! - please! what beautiful, obedient children.
pay 'em off.
- how much? - five bucks a hit.
okay, here you go, five smackeroonies apiece.
and that's it for tonight.
don't come crying for more.
and, d.
j.
, don't draw on it this time.
- i get the front seat.
- no, you don't.
- yes, i do.
ah-ha! - no, you don't.
five bucks apiece for them little beggars.
that's a lot of money.
yeah, but look at it this way.
for five bucks, they're out of our hair all night.
hell, let's give 'em each a hundred, maybe they'll move to cleveland.
becky, come on! yeah, get a move on before my hand cools down.
your what? feel this, baby.
there's a 200-point game pulsating through these fingers.
let's not waste it on bowling.
mom, d.
j.
took the front seat and it's not his turn.
all right, that's it.
in the trunk with both of you.
what's taking becky so long? puberty.
she's getting dressed up for her boyfriend.
what boyfriend? - chip.
- chip who? you know, $5.
00 really doesn't go that far.
well, neither does the little girl with two broken legs.
pumpkin, i'd hate to see you hobbling around for the rest of your life.
now, who's this chip guy? give.
all right, he works at the bowling alley.
he's not that tattooed guy that sweeps up the parking lot, is he? no, he goes to school with becky on the weekdays and only works at the bowling alley on the weekends.
she's got the major hots for him.
oh, she does, does she? whoa! whoa! look at you.
oh, are we gonna be working the lounge tonight? what are you all dressed up for just to go bowling? any particular reason? no.
well, what about chip? chip, chip, chip, chip.
shut up.
darlene, i'm gonna kill you and burn everything you own.
- come here, you.
come here.
- what? tell us about this stud we're gonna be meeting tonight.
mother, you're not going to meet him.
well, we're gonna be at the bowling alley, and chip's gonna be at the bowling alley.
we're bound to run into one another.
please don't embarrass me.
please.
oh, honey, there's no way we'd embarrass you.
please, if you really loved me, you'd pretend you're not my parents.
all right, get out of our house, little girl.
thank you.
so, little becky has got her first boyfriend, huh? oh, i wonder what this guy is like.
rosie, you know girls always go for guys who remind them of their fathers.
not if they listen to their mothers.
come here, baby.
give snakeman a little kiss.
all right, becky, where is this romeo? you promised.
you're not my parents.
you don't know me, you've never seen me.
that's right, rosie charm.
we swore a oath.
just give me my money, and i'll go.
we don't give money to strangers.
mother.
- all right, now here.
don't elope with this.
- thanks.
- what size shoe you wear, dan? - eleven.
eleven, a very common size.
i bet five different men wear those bowling shoes every day.
five men who bowl and sweat and have who knows what kind of hygiene health.
crystal, would you stop flirting with my old man? she's right, rosie.
these are kind of grungy.
check 'em out.
it's some kind of fungus in there.
get away.
you're making me sick.
you can't see fungus.
i think that's that good-luck mold they stick in 'em.
this looks like the party lane.
i'm here, dan.
you can start having fun.
they didn't tell me it was scag night.
you got your own shoes, huh? yeah, i don't use those rented things.
dan, they're loaded with germs.
roseanne, you're supposed to put your shoes under the bench.
says who? it's just part of good bowling.
see, all the league bowlers place their shoes neatly under the bench.
you could never be in a league.
come on, baby, let's go pick out a couple of balls.
- you pick me one out.
- no, roseanne, pick out your own ball so you get the proper fit.
- come on, i'll help you.
- rOSEANNE: oh, this is work.
you any good at this game? yeah, i'm pretty good.
i haven't played in a long time, but i used to be a high scorer.
we're talking about bowling, booker.
that, too.
so you care to make a friendly wager? - yeah.
- all right, if i win, then you have to spend the night at my place.
that's pretty friendly.
if the stakes are too high, just say so.
well, it sounds like a one-sided bet.
actually, no.
see, 'cause if you lose, then we both win.
i've got a 160 average, booker.
there's no way you're gonna beat me.
what if you win? then you spend the night at my place.
sounds good.
scrubbing my bathroom.
whatever gets you in the mood.
is that a bet? yeah.
yeah.
oh, i love you guys' shirts.
didn't you have a hit record out the year i was born? come on, you guys.
warm-up frame.
bOOKER: come on, danny! hey! all right.
all right.
all right.
hey, everybody, quiet, would ya? can't you see somebody's trying to bowl here? dan, you're up.
let's go, show 'em how it's done.
show us that special gutter ball.
this is it.
history in the making.
dan conner is on his way to a 200 game.
- check the score lately? - i know the score, booker.
what am i up, it's very early in the game.
but i am bowling better than i ever have.
why do you think that is? - yeah! - danny! - danny! - hey! you are sizzling.
sss book, you're up.
hey, what's going on with you and booker? nothing.
oh, that's why he's drooling all over himself.
we made a bet.
what kind of bet? a friendly bet.
how friendly? extremely friendly.
where was i when mom and dad were dropping you on your head? it's fine.
he's been lucky so far, but his game's about to fall apart.
ooh! now he's crumbling.
he only knocked down, uh he only knocked down, what, ten pins on that one.
dAN: roseanne it's your turn.
- i just bowled 20 minutes ago.
- get up there.
- honey? - what? if you manage to knock down one pin, i'll be your love slave for life.
yeah, but what do i win? honey, that was sensational.
you managed to keep it in our lane.
hey, darlene, what you doing? what are you doing here? oh, i'm looking for chip.
i got to go to the ladies room.
okay, darlene, where is he? i promised becky i wouldn't tell.
well, you'd better tell me, darlene, or i'm gonna have to start dancing.
mom, no.
right here in front of all your friends.
hear that music.
mom, please! oh, i can't stop myself.
i must dance.
okay, okay.
you win.
chip's the guy behind the counter.
rOSEANNE: the blond? - yes.
- oh, he's cute.
don't tell becky i told you.
oh, honey, you know i'm smarter than that.
i'll just hold it over your head for the rest of your life.
so, how's this bet between you and booker going? booker is beating the pants off of me.
literally.
hurry up.
hurry up.
- ( PINS CLATTERING .]
- ss-so close.
come on, danny, hit the spare.
you got it.
oh, booker's really on a roll, roseanne.
all we got to do is, like, break his concentration.
yeah, we break his concentration.
right.
yeah, you can handle that.
yes, and once again, i will save you from your pitiful self.
yes! the ruler! iceman dan conner has picked up that difficult spare.
and let's see it again in slow motion.
the ruler.
- hey, can i be your bowling groupie? - take a number.
jackie, watch carefully as i put the game out of reach.
booker, did you get that infection cleared up? i have got to go over there and talk to him.
then go.
darlene, you don't understand.
you don't just walk up to a guy and start talking to him.
no, you hide behind a video game all night drooling like a geek.
i have to figure out exactly what to say.
well, go buy some popcorn.
all right, this is it.
here i go.
- hi.
- hi.
how are you doing? oh, fine.
- how are you doing? - fine.
so, you're working tonight? yeah, i was supposed to go to the steel vipers concert.
my mom said i couldn't go unless she came with me.
- i told her to forget it.
- parents are so uncool.
they won't let you go anywhere alone.
yeah.
your parents here tonight? no way.
they just dropped me off.
i'm here by myself.
you sell pretzels here? yes, ma'am.
pretzels, popcorn, peanut, whatever you want.
- i got to go.
- no, wait, you don't have to leave.
i'll just be a second.
come on, sit down.
- okay.
- oh, why don't you finish waiting on this beautiful young woman.
no, that's okay.
you can wait on her.
oh, you're so kind.
listen.
uh give me two pretzels and two beef jerkys.
okay, coming up.
nice weather we're having, huh? - you want any sodas to go with that? - no.
the snacks are just fineroony.
so, you like working here, chip? yes, it's okay, i guess.
- what do they pay you? - enough.
- you gonna be working here forever? - nope, i get off at nine.
that's 3.
50.
four bucks.
keep the change, honey.
thanks.
she gave me a tip, and all she bought was pretzels.
- that was real cool.
- yeah, real cool.
hey, look at what i found.
- where did you find it? - stuck to a video machine.
what have you got in your pocket? - ice cream sandwich.
- smart move.
i was saving it for later.
booker, you're up.
last frame.
game's already in the bag.
this is just a formality.
shut up and bowl.
what's the matter with you, honey? she bowled a 97.
well, they just ought to take you outside and shoot ya.
i'm never gonna play this game again.
yes, you are, honey.
you'll do it again next week, and you'll be just as annoying as you were tonight.
oh, yeah.
good one, booker.
roseanne, you're up.
that's it.
read 'em and weep.
- did you really think i was gonna pay up? - yes.
would you really want me there against my will? absolutely.
- all right, booker, a bet's a bet.
- that's right.
what, it would be so bad? what? spending the night with me.
would that be such a horrible thing? it might be nice.
yeah, just nice.
it would be incredible.
yeah, it would be incredible.
not tonight.
what? not on a bet.
not tonight and not on a bet.
you welcher! come on, roseanne, would you get up there? it's the last frame.
- ah! - cRYSTAL: get it over with.
dAN: come on.
all right, what's my score? uh, let's see.
seven.
what inning is it? get up there and bowl.
come on, roseanne.
come on, roseanne.
come on! well, you can razz me all you like, but i am unshakable.
oh, yeah? i can get a strike any time i want.
how's that? i pretend like the pins are the kids and this is your head.
have at it.
la-la-la-la-la-la-la! come on, roseanne! la-la-la-la! aND IT'S A BODY BLAST, AND THE hUMAN cLAMP GOES DOWN.
oh, it's all over now.
snakeman's got it wrapped up.
- tHE hUMAN cLAMP IS UNDEFEATED IN 47 CONSECUTIVE MATCHES - this is like all-male porno, except for they're wearing bathing suits.
i was a pretty good wrestler in junior high school.
coach used to call me damaging dan conner.
god, don't make me listen to that boring story again.
whoa! whoa! look out, ladies and gentlemen! it's a crunch suplex! no! he got her over! he's going for it! he's going for the finger four! he's bouncing off the ropes! ladies and gentlemen, look out! holy cow! he's setting her up for a heart punch! oh! it's illegal in 30 states! holy cow, ladies and gentlemen! iceman dan conner has gone berserk! he's setting her up! he's got her! one, two, three.
- do you quit? - one more.
four.