The Golden Girls (1985) s01e13 Episode Script

Thank you for being a friend Traveled down the road and back again Your heart is true You're a pal and a confidante And if you threw a party Invited everyone you knew You would see the biggest gift would be from me And the card attached would say "Thank you for being a friend" What are you doing? What does it look like? I'm putting clam sauce in my suitcase.
Ma, I think they serve a snack on the flight.
Heh-heh-heh.
You kill me.
Ma, why are you taking all this food to Phil's? Because the only time your brother's wife goes into the kitchen, it's to get a cold beer.
Ma, she has no time to cook.
She works all day.
Welding.
My son married a welder.
Too bad she didn't weld his zipper shut.
They got ten kids they can't afford.
Grab that.
Come on, Ma, now be nice.
They're looking forward to your visit.
The six boys are giving up their bedroom for you! It'll be a miserable week.
I don't know why I'm going.
- Ma, it's your grandson's graduation! - Big deal.
Animal grooming school.
He'll know how to make that fluffy ball at the end of a poodle's tail.
Dorothy, I've just discovered a great new way to meet more men! More men? You're gonna need a turnstile in your bedroom.
I enrolled in a CPR class.
For six consecutive hours, I was on my back while dozens of eligible men pressed their lips to mine and breathed air into my limp little body! So what? You did the same thing at McSorley's Bar Super Bowl weekend.
How do I look? - Ooh.
- Oh, terrific! I'll say! To the untrained eye, that polyester could almost pass for silk! - It is silk.
- Oh, sure, Rose, and Cheryl Tiegs really buys her clothes at Sears.
- So where are you going? - Out with a friend from work.
The same friend you've been out with five times in the last three weeks? - Yes.
- All right, spill it.
Who is he? His name is Dr.
Jonathan Newman.
He's a psychiatrist at the grief center.
So Rose, you're seeing a psychiatrist? It's about time! The woman gives names to her gingerbread men! - I'm ready to go to the airport.
- I'm going that way.
I can take you.
- Oh, thanks, Rose.
- Fine.
Wait, you can't run out of here! We want to hear more about this doctor of yours.
Oh, well, there's not much to tell.
He's a great guy and I like him a lot.
- Can't wait to meet him! - And his eligible doctor friends! That's right.
He's very busy, but we'll have him over soon.
- Well, when? - Soon, I promise.
Come on, let's go.
Ma, have a wonderful trip and call me the minute you get there.
And please, Ma, try not to argue with Phil's wife.
We get along OK.
Phil's wife has her good points.
She's sweet, she's reliable, and when her father gets out of prison, she'll be a wealthy woman.
Let's roll, Rose, I'm leaking clam sauce.
- You're angry.
- I am not.
Yes, I can tell.
When you're really angry, you purse your little lips so tight, they almost disappear.
See? Have her lips come out yet? - Nope, she's still mad at me.
- I'm not mad.
But if I were, I'd have every reason to be.
Rose, come on now.
You're about to swallow your chin.
It's just that the invitation to dinner should've come from me.
I asked you three times in this past week to invite Dr.
Newman to dinner, - and you always put it off.
- I didn't put it off.
I just forgot.
That's why when he called, I invited him myself.
- He says he's looking forward to coming.
- You should've still asked me first.
You're right, but he's on his way over.
We made a terrific dinner.
So why don't you just relax and enjoy a lovely evening.
You don't understand.
Jonathan is a very special person.
I don't want you doing or saying anything that would embarrass him.
Come on, it's gonna be wonderful.
Now stop worrying and go check on dinner.
I can't wait to meet Dr.
Newman.
He was fascinating on the phone.
He analyzed my dream! What dream? That recurring dream I have where I'm running naked through a train that keeps going through tunnel after tunnel, while a sweaty bodybuilder chases me.
He said he thinks it's sexual.
He thinks? For God's sake, Blanche, you smoke a cigarette after that dream.
- Not all my dreams are sexual.
- (doorbell rings) I also dream about food.
'Course, I'm usually naked while I'm eating the food.
You know, maybe all my dreams are sexual.
Lucky me! Oh, no, thank you, little boy, we already take the Miami Herald.
Who was that? One of the Donaldson boys trying to sell us a newspaper subscription again.
(doorbell rings) Oh, those Donaldson kids won't take no for an answer.
Neither would their father at our Fourth of July barbecue.
Hello, I'm Dr.
Jonathan Newman.
- Are you absolutely sure? - Yes, may I come in? Oh, please, please.
Please, come right in.
May I take your height? Hat! Thank you.
You must be Dorothy.
Rose has told me all about you.
I wish I could say the same.
Oh, Blanche, Blanche, this is Dr.
Jonathan Newman.
Get out of here! Blanche.
- But Dorothy, he's a - A little early, yes, but we're delighted to see him.
Hi, Jonathan.
Hello, Rose, you're looking lovely this evening.
Oh, wait a minute! Rose Nyland, you devil, you! - I just figured out what's going on here! - Blanche.
You were sore at me for inviting your friend without asking you, so you hired this guy to come over and teach me a lesson! You! You God, I wish I was dead.
Blanche, let's go get the hors d'oeuvres.
Excuse us.
I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life! - I made a fool of myself, didn't I? - Yes! Oh, I feel awful, just awful! Listen, if you don't want tonight to turn into a total disaster, you have to stop being so self-conscious.
Oh, well, you're right, of course.
Dr.
Newman is a guest in our home.
If I'm self-conscious, he'll be ill at ease.
I can't allow that to happen.
It would be unsouthern.
- That's a good belle.
- Dorothy, get the door.
Shrimp? She's pretty uptight.
I'm gonna have fun teasing her tonight.
- Why don't we just start dinner? - Oh, good.
What are we having? Short ribs.
Anyway, you'll never guess what happened.
I'm sitting in this bar in Nairobi when who do I see? My roommate from Harvard! He decided to go someplace exotic where he didn't know a soul either.
Small world, isn't it? Not from where I'm standing.
I did it again.
I apologize.
Please forgive me.
Blanche, I'm sure he was only joking.
Don't be self-conscious about my height.
I'm not.
- Really? - Really! Look, everybody has something about themselves they'd like to change.
The trick is getting beyond it.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'd love to know what it feels like to be the center on the Boston Celtics, but all in all, I'm pretty happy with who I am.
Oh, God, he gives me goose bumps when he talks like that.
- Why don't I fix us all some coffee? - You've done enough.
- I'll get it.
- I'll help you.
What a delightful man.
You know, he has the most positive attitude of anyone I have ever met.
And he's wearing the cutest little gray suit I think I've ever seen.
You just can't help yourself, can you, Blanche? I'm home.
- Ma, what are you doing here? - There was no reason to stay.
I thought your grandson's graduation was next week.
There isn't gonna be a graduation.
The big dope failed.
- Ma, you're kidding.
- You wouldn't be surprised if you saw him.
the whole time I was there was drink beer and shoot cans with a BB gun.
- Sophia! - Oh, um Uh Ma, this is Rose's friend, Dr.
Jonathan Newman.
- Dr.
Newman, this is my mother, Sophia.
- Nice to meet you, Sophia.
Nice to meet you too.
I hope this doesn't sound rude, but I've just gotten back from a long trip and I'm very tired.
- If you'll excuse me.
- Of course.
Nice to have met you.
Likewise.
Dorothy, can I see you for a minute? - Yes, Ma, what is it? - That guy over there, is he a midget? - Yes.
- Thank God.
I thought I was having another stroke.
My goodness, I didn't realize it was getting so late.
- I really can't stay for coffee.
- Oh.
Ladies, I want to thank you for a wonderful evening.
Thank you for coming.
We certainly enjoyed having you.
And we hope we'll see you again soon.
And I'll see you tomorrow at the office, Jonathan.
Rose, could we have dinner tomorrow after work? There's something important I want to talk to you about.
- OK, sure.
- Great.
Good night.
Good night.
- Well, what do you think? - He's quite a man! Oh, he certainly is, Rose.
I'm glad you both feel that way, because I think Jonathan's gonna ask me to marry him.
(breaking glass) Marry him? Honey, what makes you think he's going to ask you to marry him? I know he wants to get remarried.
Our relationship is getting much more serious, and he just asked me to dinner to talk about something important.
Believe me, he's gonna ask me to marry him.
And how do you feel about that? I don't know.
I like him a lot, but But you were embarrassed to have us meet him.
Oh, yes.
I hate myself for feeling like that, but it's true.
When Jonathan and I are alone together, everything's wonderful.
But, when we're around other people, I'm uncomfortable.
I know they're staring at him and they're talking about us and it bothers me.
I know it shouldn't, but it does.
I mean, how big a man is shouldn't make or break a relationship.
Not a word, Blanche.
Rose, you're involved in a relationship that has very special problems and only you and Jonathan can decide whether those problems are worth working out.
I can appreciate what you're going through, Rose.
I once went through a very similar situation myself.
- You once dated a little person? - Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No, what I was referring to was a relationship I had in high school with a young man named Benjamin.
You have to understand that in those days in the South, a lot of things were still taboo.
Certain people were not to mix.
So Benjamin and I had to meet in secret.
We knew if any of the bigots in town found out about us, there'd be a terrible scandal.
And then one day, I had to make a decision.
Benjamin invited me to our senior prom.
I didn't know what to do.
Should I go out with this boy I really cared for, or should I bow to the pressures of an unjust society? So, what did you do? I walked into that gymnasium on Benjamin's arm.
Heads turned, jaws dropped.
Why, the room was buzzing all evening.
I didn't care.
I had followed my heart.
And I've never regretted it.
Oh, Blanche, that's a beautiful story.
That must have taken real courage for both of you! And it's terrible to think that the two of you were almost kept apart just because Benjamin was black.
Black? Benjamin wasn't black.
He was from New Jersey.
I went to my senior prom with a Yankee! A Yankee, a Yankee? That is incredible! And to think they made a movie about that deadbeat Gandhi, when there's a story like this that hasn't been told.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I'm more confused than ever.
Goodnight.
Honey, is there anything at all we can do to help? - No, I have to work this out for myself.
- Why don't you sleep on it? - I know you'll make the right decision.
- Goodnight, honey.
A Yankee from New Jersey.
You're a profile in courage, Blanche.
(Blanche) Why don't you sleep on it, Rose? I know you'll make the right decision.
The right decision the right decision (knock on door Come in.
Let's go, Rose.
Everyone's waiting for you! I don't think I can go through with this.
What's the matter, honey? You and Jonathan have a fight? No, it's just that I think marrying Jonathan might be a mistake.
He is a lot shorter than I am.
- Really? I hadn't noticed.
- Me neither.
How could you miss it? Everyone notices.
- Wherever we go, people stare at him! - Maybe they're staring at you, honey.
At me? Only a good friend would tell you this, but that color you dye your hair? Honey, that hasn't existed since they discontinued the Ford Falcon.
Let's go.
- Let's get this wedding on the road.
- Sophia, why are you in a priest's outfit? Because I'm the one who's gonna marry you.
- But that doesn't make any sense! - What the hell do you want from me? It's your dream.
- Come on, let's get you married! - But I'm still not sure! Rose, you can't disappoint your guests! The guests? But I have to think of what's best for me! That's only in real life, Rose.
In a dream, you do what's best for the guests.
All right, all right! Aah, there's my little girl! - Daddy, I can't believe it's you! - Daddy? - You mean your dead daddy? - Yes.
You see what lengths people went to to come to your wedding? I heard you were getting remarried and I wanted to meet the lucky guy! This is so strange! I always thought Daddy was much taller than that.
I don't remember him like that at all.
That's probably because his size didn't matter to you.
When you really care for someone, you see them for what they are on the inside! Nothing else matters.
Oh, actually, girls, Rose is right.
I am much taller.
I just appeared in the dream this way to make a point.
Oh, Daddy, you always did know the right thing to do.
Do you really think Jonathan and I will be happy together? Rose, all you can do is follow your heart.
No one can predict the future.
Not necessarily true, Daddy Lindstrom.
For Rose, you see, one of your wedding guests is none other than famed psychic Jeanne Dixon! Hello, Rose.
- Hello, Miss Dixon! - Please, call me Jeanne.
I know you want to.
Wow! Jeanne, could you tell me what the future holds? Sure! In January, Brooke Shields and Lady Di will star together in a Broadway musical comedy.
Senator Edward Kennedy will once again run for No, I mean what the future holds for me and Jonathan.
Rose, I'm not getting a clear picture on that.
I do know that Jackie O will tie the knot again Thank you very much, Miss Dixon.
Enjoy the wedding.
- Rose, what's the matter? - Oh, I don't know.
I'm so confused, Jonathan.
You see, I Do you mind? We'd like to talk in private! Why are we in the dream in the first place if she's throwing us out? Oh, Jonathan, I'm just not sure I can go through with this.
I know this may not be the perfect relationship, but I care for you very, very much.
If you feel the same way about me, we can lick any problem, big or small.
- Oh, I do care for you, Jonathan.
- Then will you marry me? Yes, yes, oh, yes.
(echoes) Yes, yes, yes - (knock at door - Rose? Oh, Rose, honey.
Wake up.
Rosie, wake up darling.
- Rose! - Wake up, wake up! Oh.
I just had the weirdest dream about Jonathan.
- Oh, was it a bad dream? - No.
No.
It helped me make up my mind about our relationship.
I'm gonna keep seeing him.
If we actually care about each other, we can lick any problem, big or small.
What's going on? Oh, Rose has decided to keep on seeing Jonathan.
Fine.
We're all adults here.
Let the man out of the pillowcase.
We don't mind if he sleeps over.
Thank you.
- What did you think? - Oh, it was delicious.
I love French food.
What was that you had? - Trout.
- What do they call it in French? Le trout.
Oh, French is such a romantic language.
Oh, I love the food, I love the wine, and especially the company.
I've put this off all evening, but there's something I want to talk to you about.
- What is it? - I want to talk about us.
Even though we've only been dating for a short period of time, I feel that our relationship is starting to get serious.
- I feel the same way.
- I want you to know I care for you a lot, but there's a problem we cannot continue to ignore.
Rose, in order for a relationship to be complete, each person has to accept the other for what he is.
I don't think that can ever happen between us.
Jonathan, you're wrong.
I can accept you.
I've had time to think this thing through and I can honestly say, it doesn't bother me that you're small.
Small? No.
I meant I can't see you anymore because you're not Jewish.
What? Rose, this has been a very difficult decision for me.
You're dumping me because I'm not Jewish? Oh, no, please understand, I come from a very religious family.
I can't believe this! I've been agonizing over this relationship and now you have the nerve to Rose, please lower your voice! People are staring at you.
Staring at me? They're staring at you! Well, yes, but I'm used to it.
I'm a very snappy dresser! I'm sorry I did that.
I guess I was upset.
I understand.
I guess this has been a difficult relationship for both of us.
Oh, it's been a wonderful relationship.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too, Rose.
How was the shrimp? Unfortunately, I'll never know.
You see, he's Jewish, and we can't see each other anymore.