House, M.D. s01e15 Episode Script

Collins working on King here, top of the key-- dribbling around him, coming around the corner there, he's up! Two points! Beautiful play.
Now, that's a great play.
If you testify, no one can protect you, especially the feds.
- We'll keep you safe, Joey.
- Right.
In Witness Protection.
This great new life he's giving you? You're sackin' groceries at some goat-town Stop and Shop, when one of Vitale's guys comes and puts two in the back of your skull.
Counselor, are you advising a witness to withhold evidence from a federal grand jury? He came forward.
He volunteered.
I'm advising him not to testify until I'm satisfied you can protect him.
Hey, you guys mind? I got money on this.
What do you want? We gave you everything you asked for.
- I asked for pasta.
- You got steak.
Enjoy it.
- What are you doin'? - What? Where's your quit candy? I just gave you a pack.
Yeah, sorry.
I forgot.
Joey, whatever they give us, what they tell you, you get popped, what am I gonna do, sue them? That's not what this is about.
You're gonna miss me.
- I'm your lawyer, Joey.
- You're my brother.
And I do this-- you know, I go into Witness Protection-- we're never gonna see each other again.
- That doesn't bother you? - It kills me.
There he goes.
Nice pick.
I gotta take a leak.
You all right? Yeah, yeah.
Just, uh, a little dizzy.
Get some air.
Hot.
- Joey.
- What'd you say to him? Yeah, nice try.
Come on! Let go of me! - Let go of me! Can't you see he's sick? - Joey! Let me go! Something's wrong with him! You're not getting out of this that easy.
Joey.
Either you're dead or you're testifying.
Don't have it.
Budget? Nope.
Revenue statement.
List of expenses.
House has been very busy.
Saving New Jersey from leprosy.
Yes, I know.
Getting me his numbers, that's your job.
- We're in a meeting.
- I need the lawyer.
Who'd you kill? Nobody.
But it's not even lunch.
I got served with a federal court order.
Some witness went into a coma.
They want me to take a look at him.
What? They want you to examine a sick person? This is a public relations nightmare.
Folk think our staff do that kind of thing around here, this place will be crawling with sick people.
I'm a doctor.
I'm not a lapdog for the feds.
I don't play fetch.
Nobody tells you what to do.
Am I right, Dr.
Cuddy? You have three choices.
Hire a lawyer to fight the order, treat the guy or go to jail for contempt.
Up to you.
Jail.
You'd like that.
No more naughty schoolgirl.
Conjugal visit-- that's her new fantasy.
We're not leaving until he's gone, or you show me one good reason for keeping him.
He's really out of it, huh? Causes of coma-- metabolic, structural-- He had his stomach pumped.
Why would they do that? Rule out poisoning.
Huh.
Not the typical first guess.
Nope, first guess was faking it.
The patient's a federal witness-- reluctant, I'm assuming.
He's also an eight on the Glasgow Coma Scale.
He's barely alive.
Pretty tough to fake.
Any recent history of head trauma? Bad car accident? Fall? They tell me no, but do an M.
R.
I.
to be sure.
Metabolic causes-- liver, kidney, diabetes-- Check for everything.
Feds are paying.
We're gonna turn a profit on this one, boys.
Dr.
House, Bill Arnello.
I'm a lawyer.
I represent Mr.
Smith.
What's wrong with him? Do I come to you with my problems? He's also my brother.
What? You changed your name? Smith wasn't good enough for you? His name's Joey.
He's my only brother.
He's important to you.
Got it.
So, no placebos for him.
We'll use the real medicine.
This was fun.
Let's do it again soon.
Brother in the Mafia? So, just joey? I was hoping for a nickname.
Joey Mango.
Joey the Wrench.
People know where I am.
I want you to do your job.
Diagnose him, fix him and keep him here.
We're a bit of a specialized hospital.
We generally only deal with patients while they're actually sick.
If you release my brother to the government, and he does what they want, even if you fix him, he's dead.
I need time to convince him of that.
Good news is, if you screw up, you don't have to worry about a malpractice suit.
Instead, one by one, I'll take away the things you love till there's nothing left.
So, on the Mafia thing, that's a yes.
Did House seem weird to you? Were you expecting him to be weird? We spoke about how we felt.
You told him you liked him? No, ofcourse not.
Wh-What are you talking about then? I asked him if he liked me.
Why would you do that? Because-- I like him.
You like him like him? Doesn't matter.
He doesn't like me.
Hey, he doesn't like anybody.
And nobody likes him.
M.
R.
I.
showed a subdural hematoma.
Bleeding around his brain caused pressure inside his head, which caused the coma.
These look like pseudo-membranes.
Those take time to form.
If it's an old injury, it wouldn't cause the coma.
Patient history indicates he was hit with a tire iron in 1996.
Brother says he was changing a tire and it slipped.
An old hematoma placed where this one is could have caused his coma.
- What about his liver? - L.
F.
T.
's are slightly elevated.
Key word is "slightly", as in not high enough to cause the coma.
It's the subdural.
I say we evacuate the cavity, see if he wakes up.
The neurologist thinks it's his brain and wants to open up his head? Frankly, I'm shocked.
And you get to use the "big boy" drill in Daddy's big red toolbox.
No drilling.
- Hi.
- Mr.
Smith.
Call me Joe.
Can you not do that? So, we're clear about the no drilling? He's okay now.
He can leave.
I'm not releasing him.
'Cause the brother doesn't want you to? Or because he had an unexplained coma.
Which sounds better? The hematoma caused the coma.
That's a catchy diagnosis.
You could dance to that.
I think Chase is right.
It still should be evacuated, but it's not an immediate threat.
Cameron's my girl.
I'd release him.
- Are you disagreeing with me because-- - I'm disagreeing because that's my medical opinion.
Ofcourse it is.
But unless I've been named as the fourth part of the "axis of evil", invaded and occupied, this is still not a democracy.
He's staying.
Send for hepatitis serologies and an autoimmune panel.
Hey, I'm with you.
Old enough to drink, old enough to do something really stupid and make yourself a baby.
He's my brother.
I'm watching him while our parents are in Barbados.
He's having trouble breathing, and there's a lot of wheezing.
Whistling, technically.
Upper airways.
Nose.
If he's got the croup, that-- that could become meningitis, right? Absolutely.
I-- I was just studying, and all of a sudden I hear him crying and sounding all weird.
Oh-- M-My parents are gonna kill me.
I doubt it.
You don't know them.
No, I doubt you were studying while your parents were away.
Hello, Officer.
You might wanna rinse this off before you let him play with it again.
What happened? Where is he? Vogler called Admitting.
Admitting called Justice.
Justice came and took him away.
And who called Vogler? He loses money.
So does Ophthalmology.
Who cares? This is a hospital.
- You can't just cut a department.
- You can't control him.
I am the only one that can control him.
# D-D-Dr.
House in the house # Impeccable timing as always.
You had no authority to release my patient.
My colleague has just informed me she has a singular talent.
You are just in time for a demonstration.
Dr.
House, from what I understand, your patient-- From what you understand-- He's not your patient.
How the hell do you understand anything? It's sad.
- You're not even a doctor.
- John Smith is here only because of a court order.
I had the records faxed to the judge.
She rescinded the order.
- Why bother? Just to piss me off? - Keeping the government off our ass.
Hmm.
Yeah.
- That makes no sense for a public institution.
- Okay.
- Okay, what? - Okay, sir.
Carry on.
He really cares about his patients.
Yeah, and he just walked out of here with nothin'.
Something's up.
Just started vomiting and passed out.
More lidocaine.
590, with epi.
Thirty-five-year-old male.
Vital signs are stable now.
Gave him two liters en route.
He was just released from here two hours ago.
You said he was good to go.
Watch that line.
He's still not responding.
So, the junior G-man badge isn't looking so good.
- His liver's worse.
- Comatose? No.
Completely different symptoms than the first time.
His serology tests came back positive for hepatitis "C".
Hep "C" is a chronic condition.
You don't think this is an acute situation? Coma, vomiting, abdominal pain.
Hep "C" explains everything.
- Except for the suddenness of the onset.
- What's wrong with the timing? You get home one night, your wife hits you with a baseball bat.
Likely causes: The fact that you haven't thanked her for dinner in eight years or the receipt for fur handcuffs that she found in your pants? Sudden onset equals approximate cause.
He also has high estrogen levels in his blood.
That's indicative of a chronic condition, not acute.
One test.
What do his other liver tests tell us? Normal albumen levels point toward acute.
Oh, okay, and, uh, why is her test better than mine? Because she's cuter, though it's close.
Do a liver biopsy.
When the results come back, we'll know what we're looking at.
Why wait to treat the hep "C"? If I'm right, Joey gets better that much faster.
Right.
Then he gets to testify.
And you get a gold star from Cuddy.
And what's the downside? Or is that the downside? Do I have a reason for not wanting you to get any stars? Fine.
Start the treatment.
It's all your idea.
Don't even mention my name.
There's nothing wrong with your theory.
Go.
But in the "humor me" department, get a biopsy while you're at it.
Foreman, we need to talk.
- You're off the case.
- What? - Why? - Somebody told Vogler that I lied to the transplant committee.
- You think I did? - You're too careful.
You wouldn't jump ship unless you knew what was in the water.
Stop.
You're embarrassing me.
But I want Vogler to think I think it's you.
And I want Cameron and Chase, Cuddy and Wilson, the nursing staff and the cashier in the parking lot to think that too.
Right.
The blood tests show you have hepatitis "C".
It's a virus that infects the liver.
No way.
It's not all bad news.
It can often be cured.
And even if not, it's manageable.
How'd my brother get this? It usually involves the exchange of bodily fluids.
Either-- Bodily fluids? What are you talkin' about? There are many ways the virus can be transmitted-- sharing needles, blood transfusions-- Hey! Nobody talks to my brother like this, okay? Fine.
No idea how he got it.
But he has hepatitis "C".
We're gonna start him on-- He doesn't have it.
Don't mention it again.
Don't treat him for it.
House has some directed donations, foundation support-- It's around here.
He makes you miserable.
Eight years he's worked here-- never made a dime for you.
Never listened to you.
He can change.
He's-- He hasn't changed in eight years.
Either he can't change, or you can't change him.
You have no idea how many times he's lied to you, undercut your authority, made you look like crap to other doctors.
Yes, I hate him, and here I am desperately trying to protect his job.
- What does that tell you? - That you don't hate him.
I do not protect people I like.
I protect people who are assets to this hospital.
No.
That's me.
You-- - You're softer.
- Right.
There are three female chiefs of medicine at major hospitals in this country, and we all got there using our feminine wiles.
- It's human nature to want to protect people we like.
- I don't like him.
To think if we just form the right team, we'll all get along and be able to pull the boat-- - I don't get along with him! - This is not a team.
It's not a boat.
It's not a machine that has a lot of parts that have to work together.
The metaphors are all crap.
This is a business.
That's all it is.
You like him.
That's bad for business.
Oh, this is all my fault.
Took another homework break with Betty Lou? No, last week I showed him a magic trick.
You pulled a quarter out of his nose.
It's a classic.
Yeah, and now he won't stop shovin' stuff up there.
- Dr.
House.
- Got a crisis here.
It's okay.
Stop! That's a neat trick.
They have to believe you'll actually hurt them.
Ah.
Your people insulted my brother.
What, they put Romano in the Parmesan cheese shaker again? Said he was a crackhead or a homo or somethin'.
Those idiots.
How many times am I gonna have to send them for sensitivity training? Nobody's saying he's a homo.
That would be really, really bad.
So let's put a nice, friendly spin on it.
Let's go with, "He got raped in prison".
I saw the jailhouse tats.
Put it together with the blood tests.
There were rumors, but joey never said anything about it.
If people find out he's bein' treated for hep "C"-- Feds get that chart, someone says somethin' to somebody, word will get out.
And then Joey's manhood, his rep-- he's destroyed.
You're worried about how his coworkers will react at the Wal-Mart in Des Moines.
He's not going into Witness Protection.
I'm not gonna let that happen.
Listen, I don't know if you know about this, but mob businesses sometimes keep two sets of books.
- One legit, one not.
- Exactly.
You jerkin' my chain? Doctors are busy.
Sometimes they forget to write things down.
Happens all the time.
Thanks.
Oh, and, uh, whatever you're not giving him for whatever he doesn't have, is that gonna fix him? I doubt it.
On your way to polish Vogler's car? Gone are the days of the grumpy old doc seeing patients in the basement of his house, getting paid a few chickens.
- How will I eat? - You know what Cuddy's been locked away with Vogler about all day today and yesterday? Floor polish costs through the roof? You.
Her secretary's been at the photocopier all day with your records.
That's all they're looking at in there.
My car's been stolen.
Or rein-car-nated.
Pink slip.
A gift from the Arnello brothers.
You know, they're gangsters, sure, but they're thoughtful too.
You can't keep it.
It's graft.
No, no, no, no.
Uh-uh.
Graft is if I tell him I'll only make him better if he slips me a couple bucks.
Or a payoff for something I'm not supposed to do.
If I'd asked for the payoff, which I didn't, I would've done the bad thing anyway.
So there's nothing wrong with this.
Right.
Damn.
Sixty-five.
Perfectly restored.
What do you think a guy like Joey would do if someone turned down a gift? That's kind of an insult, isn't it? He might hurt you.
It's definitely possible.
I'm screwed.
Gotta take the car.
Did you see House's new car? From Joey.
He obviously can't keep it.
You don't mind the hospital taking money from Vogler? That's different.
Vogler's legit.
That's worse.
Vogler's money came with strings.
Vogler doesn't set me up to have a mobster take a swing at me.
- I'm sure House didn't know-- - Joey's pressure dropped.
Pushed I.
V.
fluids, now he's holding a hundred systolic.
Septic? No, it looks like he's bleeding into his liver.
Varices.
See it with chronic hep "C" all the time.
Biopsy's back.
Two findings.
Number one, lymphocytic infiltrate and no bridging fibrosis.
Whatever's killing him's not hep "C".
It's acute.
Who said that? I forget.
What are you doing here? I told you you were off the case.
Right.
Your diabolic plan to convince the evil genius he's in the clear, so he'll let his guard down and make a fatal mistake.
Sure.
Well, it's clearly not gonna work now.
What evil genius? If we knew that, we wouldn't need a diabolic plan, would we? - House thinks someone ratted him out to Vogler.
- What, one of us? No, you guys love me too much.
Look, if it's not the hep "C", then what's the problem? What's causing the liver failure? Finding number two, toxins.
No.
He's only 30 years old, and his job doesn't expose him to heavy metals or environmental-- He's a 30-year-old mobster.
He doesn't have a job that results in accidental exposure to toxins.
He has a job that results in intentional exposure to toxins.
Someone's poisoned him.
Whatever this toxin is, it's doing the job and fast.
How long till we have the next round of test results? - About four hours.
- Too bad his liver's only gonna last another two.
- We're gonna have to get him a new one.
- What, in two hours? There is another way.
Relax.
It's kosher.
This is so bizarre.
Not really.
We just take Joey's blood out of his body and run it through a pig.
The pig's liver does what joey's can't.
It cleans the blood.
Which we send right back to him.
And the pig makes him better? Nope.
Just buys us some time to figure out what's poisoning your brother.
Like nothin'.
Like you do this all the time.
Oh, we've basically got a barn in the basement.
Cross off hemlock.
You thought he was being poisoned by hemlock? Dr.
Euripides tell you to check for that? It grows wild by the highways out here.
So, how much do you like House? - Chase has a big mouth.
- Yeah.
He's probably the one who ratted to Vogler.
- I don't think that he would-- - Does it hurt when you're with House? Little pain in the tummy, but it sort of feels good too? - I don't have the right to show interest in someone? - You absolutely do.
And I absolutely have the right to humiliate you for it.
Anything? White blood count's low, probably a result of the illness.
Nothing to connect to the liver.
Is he a smoker? Let me check.
Early signs of emphysema.
He's been smoking at least a dozen years.
Eighteen.
You got that from the white count? Nope.
Got that from the chest X-ray.
White count just tells me he's quitting.
Two weeks ago.
How's your tummy? Flat and taut.
I've been on the job for 12 years.
You put $3,000 in your wife's checking account this morning.
I wanna know where it came from.
I got a perfect record.
Where did you get the money? Cancel the thumbscrews.
I've got our culprit.
Who? Not who, "Hu".
- Huh? - Thanks for playing along.
Chai Hu.
Chinese herb in his "quit smoking" candy.
Reduces cravings.
Also reduces his white blood count.
Oh, yeah, he also took enough of them to poison himself.
We'll keep him on the pig for a few more hours, and then take him off the candy.
He'll be fine.
Pig won't be.
Oh, no.
Hey.
Hey, feelin' better? I'm famished.
I think they got fish sticks on the menu.
Ah, yeah.
Makes me miss prison.
So, the mobster's good to go? I'll keep him overnight, then let the feds know he's good to rat out whoever he wants.
- Brother won't be happy.
- Maybe I have to give back the car.
You should let Vogler tell the feds.
Why? Because it matters to him.
Because you humiliated him the first time Joey was released.
- You think you should still be in third there, ace? - He humiliated himself.
And because your job depends on the kind of mood Vogler's in at the end of his marathon with Cuddy.
Seriously, man, have you ever actually driven an automobile before? There are four gears, you know? The '66 came with a "shut up" button.
I have a problem with the tests.
I need to know-- It is my medical opinion that the patient is healthy and can be released.
Thanks for letting us know.
Get me the U.
S.
Attorney's office.
I see you found out what we're meeting about.
You're having a meeting? Well, whatever the reason, the coat looks good on you.
Chai Hu lozenges cause this kind of liver failure? No way.
Not by themselves.
But in combination with the interferon it's like gas to a flame.
- What interferon? - For the hep "C".
- What hep "C"? - Oops.
Is hiding a mobster's hep "C" that important? Is letting the feds know everything that important? You are a piece of work.
Even now, knowing-- Ed-- Edward.
Joey's back in a coma.
He's stable, but comatose.
Worse than before.
He's on a ventilator.
Question is, why? It's not his brain.
It's not a toxin.
Our friend Babe helped with that one.
- So, what else? - Hep "C".
We never really treated it.
We stopped the interferon when it started poisoning his liver.
Am I gonna have to write a song about it? His chronic hep "C" was not bad enough to produce these symptoms.
- The estrogen level indicates it is.
- It indicates something else entirely.
We can't give him interferon now.
There are still traces of the lozenges in his system.
It'll just poison him again.
Genetics.
We don't treat the virus, we change it.
A nonnucleoside allosteric inhibitor.
It's never been tried on a human being.
It could kill him.
- What's the difference? He's dead without it.
- They're running a trial on dogs at St.
Sebastian's out in Philadelphia.
I'll make the call.
What else could cause his estrogen level to be that high? Nothing.
We're gonna put the medicine in here.
Don't want it to burn his veins when it goes in.
And you have no idea if it'll work.
It's shown promise in testing.
Ma-Maybe there's nothing up there.
I watched him like a hawk.
Pretty sure you didn't.
I-- I didn't let him play with any more little toys.
Thus forcing him to shove a big one up there.
Stop, or I snap your nose off! He-- He's not too smart.
Genetics is a powerful force.
On the other hand, maybe he's smarter than you think.
What's goin' on? Just give me a second.
Always wanted to use one of these.
Tilt his head back.
I-- I don't know.
I do-- Just tilt his head back.
Nice grasp of concepts.
Relationships.
Very smart.
Very cool.
First the policeman, the fireman, then the fire truck.
Your brother was sending in teams to save the cat.
Wow.
Sometimes the simplest answer-- What types of comas do you just snap out of? He's not snapping out of this one.
He's not improving.
You've crossed out estrogen.
You got an explanation? Yes, I have, a very simple one.
And? It's private.
You think I'm the one-- running to Vogler.
You're currently top of the list.
Toxic comas-- Person's away from the cause long enough, they recover.
The feds checked for poisons.
We checked for poisons.
I didn't do it.
It's not a poison then.
An allergy.
- Did you hear me? - What about a food sensitivity? All his food is strictly controlled.
There's no correlation between his meals and his condition.
He had steak and potatoes before the first coma, and the hospital served fish sticks before the second one.
You can trust me.
Problem is, if I can't trust you, I can't trust your statement that I can trust you.
But thanks anyway.
You've been a big help.
So, where did you get the money? What? Someone paid you off.
What are you talkin' about? He wasn't poisoned.
You told us that-- Who's talking about poison? I'm talking about payoffs, graft.
Leave him alone.
You paid the marshal off.
I didn't pay him to poison my brother.
No.
It just worked out that way.
I gave the guy some money to bring in some decent food.
Better than fish sticks? I'm thinking steak.
We asked for pasta, but those stupid feds could care less-- He had steak before both comas.
Your brother has ornithine transcarbamylase deficiency.
Want me to write it down? Good, 'cause it takes a while.
It's genetic, can present at any time.
If the patient eats a large amount of protein, especially if he's not used to it-- What, that's it? He just stays off the red meat, and he's gonna be fine? Yes.
If I'm right and we stop the current treatment, he gets better.
If we stop the current treatment and I'm wrong, he dies.
- Why would you be wrong? - His estrogen level.
O.
T.
D.
doesn't explain his estrogen level.
But I have a theory.
There is one chemical that, if ingested, can cause a person's estrogen level to increase dramatically.
- What is it? - It's called estrogen.
Joey's taking estrogen? What, he wants a sex change? No, nothing like that.
It's called "Male Flame".
It's probably more consumer-friendly in the original Chinese.
It's an herbal aphrodisiac marketed to gay men.
- Ah, here we go.
- And it's sold on the same Web site that sells his Chai Hu lozenges.
Guess what's in it? It starts with an "E".
You wanna get hit too? That would be quite a trick.
He slapped me so hard, his brother turned straight.
Joey's a big-time mobster.
Guys like that don't get raped in prison.
They get gifts.
They get food, drugs, cigarettes.
Cable TV.
Joey is not gay.
Maybe not gay, but certainly delightful.
You, on the other hand, hitting a doctor, even if it was only Chase, and asking another one to keep Joey's chart fresh and homo-free-- that's a bit of an overreaction, wouldn't you say? It's almost like you're scared that it might be true.
You're wrong.
Okay.
Then don't stop the treatment.
But if you're wrong, he dies.
Okay.
He never said anything to me about it, not once.
That's what I love about you mob guys, so tolerant of others.
So accepting.
Only way he was coming out was way, way out.
Lose the tattoos, change his name, move to another town.
How's a guy like him gonna do that? Witness Protection.
It's not just for witnesses anymore.
You can go in now, sit with him if you want.
- How much longer? - It's only been three hours.
- If it's the O.
T.
D.
-- - If it's the O.
T.
D.
? What if House is wrong, huh? That severe a reaction, it'll take some time-- - He makes these assumptions about people, talks you into things-- - Mr.
Arnello-- He's awake.
He wants to see you.
You look like crap.
That's a joke.
See? I'm sick.
I said you look like crap.
You have no idea what I just went through out there.
You kept gettin' worse.
And Dr.
House kept sayin' all this crap.
You know, if-- if I think you're normal, then he's gonna keep giving you the medicine.
- If you weren't-- - Weren't what? Normal? Yeah.
He said you were a fag.
Witness Protection-- that's your big chance to be one.
- You believed him? - I don't know what to believe.
You were sick.
I had to make a decision.
I thought you were gonna die.
You believed him.
He stopped the medicine.
Here I am.
- I wanted to talk to you about this.
- There's nothin' to talk about.
You, uh, ordered some Chinese Internet health crap, and they sent the wrong pills, and you took 'em.
Yeah, yeah.
That, uh-- That must be it.
You wanna testify? Go ahead.
I told the doc.
He said it's okay.
- I don't expect you to understand.
- I don't.
All I need to know is you're my brother, Joey.
If you think this thing, whatever, is gonna make you happy, then I think you should do it.
You should.
Vogler wants to fire you.
Lose the whole department.
Good thing you fought for me though, right? Dress was a nice move, but you gotta follow it up.
Nasty weekend in Vegas.
Something that shows off your real administrative skills.
He threatened to fire me.
I'm sorry.
So, how long do I have? I've got a lot of personal stuff to pack up.
And I assume you're gonna want to throw a party.
I told him I know where the bodies are buried.
The stuff he needs to know that's not in the books.
I told him he can't ditch me.
He's only keeping you on because you know the secret handshakes.
He's a quick study.
Six months, he'll have the moves down.
He won't need you anymore.
- I'll deal with that then.
- So I stay.
Yes.
But some things are going to change.
Profits.
New world order.
Everything's about profits.
Yeah, that's real new.
You could rent out the Corvette every once in a while or lend it to a friend.
That would be easy, and it would be wrong.
But Cuddy stood up for you.
To a point.
To what point? I gotta do six more clinic hours a month.
So do two of them.
Why only two? 'Cause one of them's gone.
I gotta fire somebody.
Good morning.