The Middle s01e17 Episode Script

FRANKIE: Out here in the middle we have a proud history of lending a helping hand.
Chipping in and doing what we can for the common good.
We who don't have three kids and a job, that is.
[PHONE RINGING.]
That's why at our house we have what I like to call my sucker list.
Because only a sucker would answer a call from any of these people.
Jessica Kirkwood, auction chairwoman.
Let it ring.
Reverend Hayver, church rummage sale.
Let it ring.
FRANKIE: Unfortunately, Mike lives in an old-fashioned world.
Phone rings, you answer it.
Hello.
Hi, Sally.
FRANKIE: Sally Meenahan, hospitality mom.
Yeah, of course, we'll be at Axl's game.
[WHISPERS.]
No, no.
Best season in a long while, huh? Run the snack bar? Frankie's gonna be there.
I don't see any reason she can't do it.
[FRANKIE SIGHS.]
Okey-doke.
Bye, Sally.
- She wants you to work the snack bar.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Yeah, I got that.
Sucker list, Mike, sucker list.
Are you blind? I was gesturing wildly enough to land a plane.
Consider this payback for the time that you volunteered me to take the aunts to see Mac Davis.
Hey, you can't stack them that way.
The new snack-bar supervisor has crazy high standards.
FRANKIE: Oh.
Ah! Oh, my gosh, here she comes.
Look busy.
Okay, Team Snack Bar.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Morgan.
FRANKIE: Uh-huh.
- I promised the Junior Achievers that I'd make this snack bar profitable, and that is going to happen, ha, ha.
Every dollar we earn is another step towards putting doors on the bathroom stalls.
We can do this, right? SALLY & FRANKIE: Right.
- I can't hear you.
Right? Right.
FRANKIE: So while I was in snack-bar hell Sue was in a hell of her own babysitting Brick.
What are you watching? Revenge of the Pod Zombies.
It's too scary for you.
Go to bed.
If you've moved up to the level where you can babysit me at night then I've moved up to the level where I can watch a scary movie.
I have to call Mom and Dad and see if it's okay.
If you have to call Mom and Dad maybe you're not mature enough to babysit me at all.
[WHISPERS.]
Mature.
Fine, 10 minutes.
So catch me up.
These zombies, why are they seeking revenge? Oh.
I love watching my boyfriend warm up.
Oh, which one is he? Oh, there, the cute one with the dark hair.
Number 23.
Wait, uh, that's your boyfriend? The That one there with the hair in his eyes? Oh, since when? Six weeks next Wednesday.
Six weeks.
Wow, well, that's That's plenty of time to, uh, you know, meet the parents and everything.
Oh, they're dead.
Which is okay, because he said they were really lame.
I'm just messing with you, Mrs.
Heck.
I know who you are.
- Oh, ha, ha.
You do? - Totally.
Hi.
I wanted to meet you a while ago, but you know how Axl is.
No, I don't.
Tell me.
Oh, you know, he's just shy in that really adorable way of his.
But once you get to know him, he's so hilarious.
Axl Heck, number 23? Oh, and every day he leaves a note in my locker telling me another reason he loves me.
FRANKIE: Axl had been in love for six weeks? In retrospect, I guess there were signs.
Mom, what rhymes with "tenderly"? Mom, I think I'm in love.
Shh! No talking during the McDreamy scenes.
[WHISTLE TWEETS AND MORGAN GASPS.]
Time to form a cheer-amid.
Great finally meeting you, Mrs.
Heck.
- You too.
- Bye.
Hey.
[WHISPERS.]
Call me.
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Yeah.
Six weeks.
Her name's Morgan.
I'm gonna snoop out some more information.
You work the stands and see if the dads know anything.
Who am I kidding? They won't.
Oh, my God, Mike.
Can you believe it? Our little boy's in love.
GIRLS [ON TV.]
: Aah! - This is too scary.
I I think we should turn it off.
No, if we turn it off now, we won't get to the happy-ending part.
[GIRL SCREAMS ON TV.]
There is no happy-ending part! So apparently, along with being head cheerleader she's like on a zillion student committees, gets straight A's and founded the Young Hoosier Honor Society.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Still, they've been dating for six weeks and this is the first we hear of her? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
I don't know if I trust this girl.
- Hi, Mrs.
Heck.
- Hey, Morgan.
Now that we've officially met and my relationship with Axl is out in the open I realized the awkward position we put you in by not telling you about our relationship.
- I'm sure you have a ton of questions.
- Well, actually, I do.
Come on in.
For starters, we're not having sex.
That's something we should wait for at least until college.
We're young.
We have to build a solid foundation before thinking about stuff like that.
FRANKIE: I love her.
- Hi, Mr.
Heck.
Morgan.
- Hi.
We didn't get to meet yesterday, but I brought you some muffins I made.
Thanks.
These blueberry or boysenberry? Both.
Ha, ha.
[MOUTHS.]
I love her.
I'll go wake Axl.
Oh, actually, could I do it? I really wanna see his sleepy face.
I bet it's really cute.
Oh.
Don't worry, I'll just knock on the door.
- Wouldn't be appropriate to go in.
- End of the hall.
I love her.
I love her more.
There's one thing that's kind of bugging me, though.
- What's she doing with Axl? - Right? I mean, it's weird, right? I Look, is that bad for me to say? - I mean, I adore him.
- No, I know.
It's just that she's just so going places.
And he doesn't seem to wanna go anywhere.
Heck curse.
We're irresistible and we have a gift for luring in women who are clearly out of our league.
[CHUCKLES.]
[RUSTLING NEARBY.]
[BOTH SCREAM.]
- What are you doing? - I was too scared to sleep.
This is the only room in the house where I got to keep the lights on all night.
I couldn't sleep either.
Every time I closed my eyes I saw zombies ripping the guts out of Taylor Lautner.
We should tell Mom we saw the movie.
No, you can't tell Mom.
She'll think I'm a bad babysitter.
You are a bad babysitter.
You let me watch a scary movie I am too young for.
Besides, Mom always makes it better when I'm scared.
Did the mom in the zombie movie make it better? No.
She ate her baby's face off.
Hi, guys.
Oh, my gosh.
He was so adorable when I woke him up.
Yep, morning's his most adorable time of day.
Okay, here we go.
What are you doing? I don't wanna watch it again.
Trust me.
If we watch it during the day we'll see how silly it is, and we'll totally laugh about it and the movie will lose its power over us.
[GIRL SCREAMS ON TV.]
Oh, my God.
I thought those zombies were eating hamburger last time.
They're really eating that nun's liver.
I just realized zombie-ism is just cannibalism in virus form.
- This could actually happen.
- Aah! FRANKIE: While my two kids who were usually happy were unhappy my one kid who was never happy, was.
He'd had girlfriends before, but this was something special.
The last seven weeks and two days have been so great.
I know, right? But I don't think we should go out anymore.
You wanna just sit in the car and explore our bodies? Axl, what I'm saying is I think we should break up.
[STAMMERS.]
What? Why? What? - What did I do? - Nothing.
It's just I don't know.
Like, last week, we were at the library and I was doing research and you just kept staring at that video-game magazine.
It had a hologram of a dragon.
- Which is cool, but a whole hour? - I Look, you are really fun.
I just think that I may need someone a little less fun and more focused, you know? But we're, like, in love.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, is Morgan staying for dinner? - No.
FRANKIE: Oh, that's too bad.
I found a pan in the drawer, I thought I'd try cooking something.
You know, we could always order in.
[AXL SNIFFS.]
Hey.
Hey, what's wrong? [SOBBING.]
She broke up with me.
- What? - Mom, I feel like I'm dying.
Oh.
Oh, honey.
I know.
I know.
Shh.
FRANKIE: Oh, God, I forgot how soft his skin was.
What's up with Axl? He's crying.
There's only one logical explanation.
He's become a pod zombie.
Don't be ridiculous.
[FRANKIE KISSES AXL.]
Okay, that is weird.
Hey.
[SOBBING.]
- Hey, what's this? - Nothing.
- You break a leg or something? - No, I'm fine.
- Then why are you crying? - I'm not crying, okay? God.
Way to go, Mike.
We were hugging.
FRANKIE: Ever since Mike made him feel embarrassed about crying Axl was emotionally closed off.
Axl, I want you to know there is nothing wrong with a man showing his feelings.
You got your hug, now get off me, okay? This is just something I want you to hear.
[38 SPECIAL'S "HOLD ON LOOSELY" PLAYS ON TAPE.]
MIKE [CRYING ON TAPE.]
: Frankie, it's me.
[MIKE SNIFFS.]
You hear that? It's our song, baby.
It came on the radio and I Oh, I had to call you.
Please, Frankie.
Please take me back.
I'm so lost without you.
Oh, God, is that Dad? Yes.
Yes, it is.
He left this on my machine after we broke up for a few weeks when we were first dating.
Are you serious? MIKE [SINGING ON TAPE.]
: Your baby needs someone to believe in I'm gonna hold on loosely But I won't let go See? Everyone hurts sometimes, even your dad.
Dude, he sounds like such a dork.
Is that how I sounded? God.
[MIKE SOBBING ON TAPE.]
Who's the dork? MIKE [ON TAPE.]
: If you get this, call my pager.
I'm at the Chi Chi's on Route 42, waiting by the payphone.
The Chi Chi's where we sat in back and fed each other nachos, remember? [MIKE SOBS ON TAPE.]
I love you, Frankie.
I love you so much, my heart's Frankie, what are you doing? Are you nuts? Where did you get that? What? What even is that? I can't believe that you saved that.
Besides, I don't even think that's me.
Oh, okay.
I gotta go.
- Mike.
- What is the matter with you? What? I think it's sweet.
It's not sweet.
It's not anything.
- Give me that tape.
- No, I love this tape.
Oh, you even made up your own lyrics to 38 Special for me.
You said I was your angel from above.
Where is that part? MIKE [ON TAPE.]
: My shirt still smells like your hair.
Aah! La-la-la.
I can't hear it.
- So you love me, so what? - Stop saying that.
- Give me the tape.
- What, love? - You want me to stop saying "love"? - Oh, man, and you played it for our son? Frankie, give me the damn tape, I'm gonna destroy it.
It's embarrassing.
Embarrassing that your son knows that you loved his mother enough to cry? That's what's embarrassing you? Hey, let's pull out some pictures of you and your giant perm.
I know they're in here somewhere.
I didn't do this to embarrass you.
Axl is going through a really tough time.
He's never been open with his emotions and he just needs to see that it's okay to cry.
But it isn't.
I think that tape makes that perfectly clear.
MIKE [ON TAPE.]
: Oh, man.
[SOBBING.]
Oh, God.
Frankie! FRANKIE: After days of avoiding Axl Mike realized he couldn't do it forever.
Hey.
Hey.
Not much to eat? Nope.
So, you know, Axl, about the thing you heard the other day - The tape? - We don't have to give it a name.
I just thought that I should say - You don't have to explain.
- Don't look at me.
Just let me say that, for whatever reason women love it when men cry.
It's why your mom sees every damn Sean Penn movie that comes out.
Ha, ha, yeah, she's pretty gay for him.
Yeah, so, you know what you heard on that thing that your mom played for you kind of got me your mom.
So Yeah.
I guess so.
Think I see some cheese back there.
Sweet.
- Good talk.
- Yep.
MORGAN [SINGING.]
: And the home of the brave [CROWD APPLAUDING AND CHEERING.]
Is there nothing she can't do? God, I miss her.
Ehlert Motors is proud to sponsor the Thundering Hens division playoff with this very generous donation of $25.
So when shopping for your next car, remember the Ehlert motto: Who cares? [HORN BLARING.]
[INAUDIBLY.]
We do.
We [ALL CHEERING.]
CHEERLEADER: Go home team.
Yeah.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Whoo! Oh, this is so close.
CHEERLEADERS: Let's go, defense.
[ALL CHEERING.]
Axl is on fire.
He keeps looking at Morgan.
Well, he's channeling his heartbreak into his game.
I bowled a 280 the night you broke up with me.
Sue, I need you to take me to the bathroom.
I'm not missing the game.
Fine, stay here alone with pod Mom and Dad.
- I'm taking Brick to the bathroom.
- Okay.
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white.
I'm pretty sure there's a boy's bathroom around here somewhere.
Oh.
Here it is.
Brick? Did you already go in? No one's allowed in the east wing after dark.
I'm just waiting for my brother.
He's in the bathroom.
Couldn't be that bathroom.
It's been locked for two days.
Brick.
Way to rebound, son.
Make this shot.
Let's go to State.
Come on.
CHEERLEADER: Go, Hens, go.
Why is he stopping? Axl, what are you doing? I'm not afraid of my feelings, Morgan.
I love you.
And I know you still love me.
So I'm not gonna shoot until you take me back.
MAN 1: This is crazy.
MAN 2: I don't know.
I don't know.
Tell me, does this sound like the actions of a man not going anywhere? COACH: Axl, get your head in the game.
[CROWD BOOING.]
Go, you jackass.
I got money on this game.
Axl.
Now's not the time.
SUE: Brick, where are you? Brick! You can always check the basement.
[WHIMPERS.]
[SIGHS.]
SUE: There you are.
You scared me.
Brick? Brick? [GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
Aah! [SPEAKS IN SPANISH.]
[SCREAMS.]
[CROWD SHOUTING.]
FRANKIE: On the one hand, I was proud he was showing his feelings.
On the other hand, if we win this, we go to State! Axl, there will be other girls.
Shoot the damn ball! I'm gonna hold on loosely, but I won't let go.
GIRL: Oh, just AXL: Tell me you'll hold on too.
- I'll shoot and we all win.
TEAMMATE: Give me the ball.
Come on.
Because our love is so strong, it's [HORN BLARES AND CROWD BOOS IN SLOW MOTION.]
Oh, man.
Well, this isn't too embarrassing.
Help, the pod zombies got Brick! MAN 1: What? MAN 2: What? [SUE PANTING.]
- I'll get Brick, you get the car.
MIKE: Uh-huh.
[CAR HORNS HONKING.]
That's it.
I'm never feeling anything again.
- Good boy.
- Thanks for blowing our season, Romeo.
Hey, man.
Come on, he's a stupid teenager.
You know how they are.
Lock the doors.
Oh, no.
Zombies.
Don't eat my brain.
[BOYS LAUGH.]
Thanks a lot, Brick.
Why were you standing there staring at me like a zombie? I was memorizing the fire escape plan in case the zombies set the place on fire.
Oh, you idiot.
Zombies are afraid of fire.
That doesn't even make sense.
Okay, what is going on? You two have been acting weird all week.
I let Brick watch a scary movie, now he's scarred for life and so am I.
And I am a horrible, horrible babysitter.
Is that what this is all about? If there really were zombies, don't you think it would be on the news or Access Hollywood or something? Come on.
See? I told you Mom would make it better.
Axl, that was so romantic what you did.
WILLA: Would you lose a game for me someday? Uh If coach ever lets me play again, I guess.
Ha, ha.
Hey, wanna get some pizza with us? Oh.
Well, okay, ha, ha.
[SASHA & WILLA GIGGLE.]
I gotta eat, I guess.
FRANKIE: And just like that, he was blissfully off to his next heartbreak.
Leaving us to deal with the mess he left behind.
- There's their car.
- Turn it over.
MIKE: Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Um All right, everybody roll with the motion and avoid eye contact.
I've been on the other side of this.
They're gonna get bored and move on eventually.