The Middle s01e19 Episode Script

FRANKIE: Out here in the middle, family rules.
It's ingrained from the day you're born.
You do for family.
For the past year, I've spent every Saturday taking care of my great aunts, Edie and Ginny.
I drive them to the grocery store, liquor store and whatever else they need to get them through to next Saturday.
But this Saturday I had a problem.
Mr.
Ehlert's making us all come in today.
He's trying to break our spirit by isolating us from the ones we love.
I can't do the aunts.
We're maxed out.
Hey, could you keep it down in there? I'm trying to watch TV.
FRANKIE: And that's when it hit me.
The lump eating cereal on the couch in his underpants had a driver's license.
Hey, Axl, I'm gonna need you to start helping out with Aunt Edie and Aunt Ginny starting today.
Whoa, I get it.
Talk as loud as you want.
God.
I'm serious.
There's no reason you can't contribute.
They're your aunts too.
You do for family.
You know what? I see your point.
And I'd be up for doing the old-lady thing today.
- Except, sadly, my car doesn't work.
- Oh.
You can drive mine.
Dad can take me to and from work.
God, you are so unfair.
I already do as much as you do around here.
I just don't complain about it.
When we get old, we're not counting on him to take care of us.
Another plan? FRANKIE: Yeah.
Brick? Kevin Siccola invited you to his birthday party next Saturday? How long has this been in your backpack? Oh, sorry.
[GRUNTS.]
Brick, that's not very nice.
- Come on, this will be fun.
- I don't wanna go.
He only invited me because his mom made him invite everyone.
Hey, you don't know that.
Yes, I do, he told me when he gave me the invitation.
You know how you're gonna get him back? You show up.
- So you're forcing me? - We would never call it that, but yes.
[SIGHS.]
MIKE: Hey.
FRANKIE: Oh, hey, I'm almost ready.
Mr.
Ehlert's on the warpath, might wanna wait in the car.
EHLERT: Frances! - Want me to take care of him for you? - That would be so great.
Car, go.
If you're not gonna sell any cars, at least could you wash out the coffee mugs? Um, Mr.
Ehlert, this is my husband, Mike.
Mike, Mr.
Ehlert.
MIKE: How you doing? EHLERT: Oh, hi, Mike.
Tall men, little wives.
Ha, ha.
Always funny.
Ha-ha-ha.
[FRANKIE & MIKE CHUCKLE.]
And when Keith Smart hit that last shot, the whole place just about exploded.
- I can't believe you were there.
- Saw it with these two eyes.
Best day of my life.
That includes my wedding the birth of my children, and the day we liberated Iraq.
Okay, ready to go.
- Well, Don, it was great meeting you.
- You too, Stretch.
I'm just saying there's a lot of bluster, but he seems pretty harmless.
Oh, my God.
Just because he likes sports doesn't make him a nice guy, Stretch.
Hey, wait up.
Faster.
Walk faster.
I was just thinking Now, my team's not in it this year, and it'd just be painful for me to watch.
So, uh Oh, my God.
- These are tickets to the Final Four.
- Yep, both games on Saturday.
- Don't know what to say.
- That's what I like about you.
Mr.
Ehlert, this is too generous for my husband, who doesn't even work here.
Yeah, blah, blah, I get it.
You just have yourself a good time there, Stretch.
And, Frances, you were 10 minutes late this morning.
Come in early tomorrow or I'll dock you.
Sue, I can't go to this birthday party.
It will be horrible.
Tons of kids chasing each other, running.
They eat sugar, and then they run more.
For no reason.
- Then tell Mom you don't wanna go.
- I tried, but she doesn't get it.
She thinks I have trouble fitting in.
[WHISPERS.]
Fitting in.
Well, then, maybe you should just suck it up and go.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Or you could call as Mom and tell her I can't come.
What? Brick, I can't do that.
Sure you can.
You have such a grown-up voice.
Really? Wow, you sounded so mature when you just said that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Please, Sue, if you do this for me, I'II I'll do your math homework.
You'll get an A, I promise.
[SIGHS.]
[LINE RINGS.]
WOMAN [ON MACHINE.]
: Hello, you've reached the Siccolas.
Please leave a message.
Hello, Mrs.
Siccola.
- [WHISPERS.]
Allison.
- I mean, Allison.
This is Frances Heck, mother of Brick Heck.
Sadly, Brick will be unable to attend Kevin's birthday party this Saturday.
Please accept our sincere regrets.
Bye.
Oh, this is Frances Heck, mother of Brick Heck.
[SUE GIGGLES THEN SQUEALS.]
I can't believe I just did that.
- I've never lied before in my whole life.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Really? - Have you? - No.
[WHISPERS.]
I'm lying.
What do you mean you're not sure who you're taking? I'm just saying.
He gave me the tickets.
I have to weigh my options.
[YAWNS.]
Taking anyone other than your wife to the Final Four is a dangerous option.
You have tickets? No way, you can't take Mom.
She wouldn't even appreciate it.
I'll see who treats me best in the next couple days and that person gets to go with me on Saturday.
Gee, I wish I weren't so thirsty.
Of course I'm taking you.
I just wanna see how far I can push this.
[PHONE RINGING.]
No frosty mug? Hello? Yeah.
Oh, hi, Aunt Edie.
Ah.
Now, if there were only some way to get this into this.
Hey, what's going on? Oh, it was Aunt Edie, she called to tell me my Great-Uncle Mac died.
- Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
He was 91.
I hadn't seen him that much lately, but when I was little every time we visited him, he'd give us a slice of bologna.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
He was Aunt Edie's favorite brother.
She's upset.
Oh, jeez.
They're shipping him back for the funeral.
It's gonna be Saturday.
Saturday, huh? This Saturday? Hey, guys.
I just heard some sad news.
Your Great-Great-Uncle Mac died.
Oh, my God.
No.
[CRYING.]
Oh, it's okay, honey.
I know it's hard.
But he had a good long life.
Was he the one who used to wear suspenders? - No, that's your Uncle Nate.
- It is? Uncle Nate was the one with the big toe for a thumb.
That's Uncle Lou.
Lou's the one who can take out his eye.
No, that's your cousin Roy.
Uncle Mac was your Aunt Edie's favorite brother.
You only met him once when you were very little.
Oh.
So the one with a big toe for a thumb is still okay? We should visit him sometime.
He's funny.
Okay, listen, guys.
I could use some help for the next few days, all right? Remind me to call Mrs.
Siccola and tell her Brick can't come to Kevin's party.
Mom's gonna call Mrs.
Siccola and then she's gonna find out that we already called.
Don't panic.
Here's what we're gonna do.
You're gonna call Mrs.
Siccola again and say I can come to the party.
So when Mom calls and says I can't, it will all make sense.
[LINE RINGS.]
Okay, good.
WOMAN [ON MACHINE.]
: Hello, you've reached the Siccolas.
Please leave a message.
Hi there, Allison.
Just calling to let you know that my son can come to the party after all.
Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Who's your son? You didn't say who you were.
[GASPS.]
Hi, forgot to say my name.
It was Frances Heck letting you know Brick can't come to the party.
He can.
He can come to the party.
At least for now.
Not that we're expecting anything to happen.
All signs are clear that he is coming.
Did I say Axl? Because I meant Brick.
You know, I just wanted to be accurate.
Hello? So this funeral - It's really on Saturday? - Yeah, that's what she said.
Does your sport coat still fit? Oh, and don't wait till the last minute to see if you have a shirt.
Huh.
Seems like there's a lot to do.
Tsk.
I'm thinking they should just maybe push it till Sunday.
- What? - Oh, I don't know.
Just Sunday seems like a better day.
You know, the Lord's day and all that.
Saturday - Not such a great funeral day to me.
- Yeah.
Well, that's what day it is, Mike.
Besides, what do you care what day the? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, if you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting you are opening a door you do not want to open.
It's the Final Four, Frankie.
- Final Four.
- It's his funeral, Mike.
- Final funeral.
- I know, but Is anyone really gonna miss me if I can't be there? If it was immediate family, I'd definitely go.
It just might be if you keep go down this road.
I barely knew the guy.
I met him at our wedding and one other time.
I thought he was the guy with the toe for a thumb.
But we're not going for his sake.
We're going for Aunt Edie.
- Funerals are for the living.
- That's what I'm saying.
If this teaches us anything, it's that we should live life while we're here.
In Indiana, where the Final Four is.
[BOTH SIGH.]
When am I ever gonna get a chance like this again? You know what? I'm not gonna sit here and explain to you what the right thing to do is.
This is between you and yourself.
And if you would rather go to the Final Four instead of my 91-year-old uncle who used to give me bologna's funeral then you go.
It's up to you.
Okay.
- I wanna go to the Final Four.
- That's what you want.
- It is.
- Fine.
Then it's settled.
We don't have to talk about it again.
All right, I get it, you're still mad.
I'm not mad, Mike.
I guess I just don't understand, that's all.
I don't understand why you can't just come to the funeral and tape the games.
Tape the games? So instead of being there, I can watch it three hours later sitting on my couch after everybody else already knows who won.
Tape the games? Seriously, tape the games? Tape the funeral.
I won't have to worry about anybody telling me how it ends.
Forget it, Mike, I guess we just have cultural differences I wasn't aware of.
Cultural differ What cultural differences? - We're both from here.
- You'd never know it.
Death is a big deal to my family.
We do death very well.
Not like your family, you toss them in a hole and drink.
Either way, they end up in the same place.
How are we gonna explain to Axl why his father isn't going? This is an amendment to what we said before.
We do for family.
Unless something better comes along and then to hell with it.
I don't know why we're talking about it.
You won, Mike.
You won, you're not going, you won.
You won, you won, you won.
Fine, I'll go to the funeral.
- Thank you.
- Fine.
Then it's settled.
We don't have to talk about it again.
COMMENTATOR [ON TV.]
: Get the ball rolling with some 2009 highlights.
[CROWD CHEERING ON TV.]
- Okay, I get it, you're sulking.
- Am I not allowed to sulk anymore? I'm not allowed to go to the Final Four and not allowed to sulk? I think if you put this in perspective you'll see Look, you wanted me to go to the funeral, and I'm going.
You won, you got what you wanted, so be happy.
But I don't want you to go because I want you to go.
I want you to go because you wanna go.
- Well, I don't.
- Well, you should.
How would you feel if you died and someone came because someone made them? What they wanted was to be at a basketball game.
I'd feel dead.
I wouldn't care.
Matter of fact, I'll specify in my will that if I die during any sporting event no one has to come to my funeral.
Why don't we take you to the nearest stadium and shoot you out of the T-shirt cannon at halftime? Look, it doesn't matter if I want to or don't want to.
This is obviously important to you, and I get that.
I said I'm going and I'm going, so just leave it alone.
If you can't go to this funeral with a smile on your face, then don't go.
- Fine, I won't.
- Don't.
- Fine.
- It's settled.
We don't have to talk about it again.
- So I heard Dad's going to the games FRANKIE: No.
FRANKIE: Brick was learning a band of criminals is only as strong as its weakest link.
I can't handle the pressure.
I'll go to Mom, turn myself in.
Pull yourself together.
The only way this goes bad is if you lose it.
I never should have lied.
You talked me into it.
You're in this as deep as I am.
You got your math homework done.
You got your precious A.
I don't wanna be a part of this anymore.
I want out.
I want out.
You should have thought of that before you got in.
Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna call as Mom again and tell her someone's been using Mom's name.
So whatever they called and said, it's the opposite.
Okay.
WOMAN [ON MACHINE.]
: Hello, you've reached the Siccolas.
Please leave a message.
Hello, Allison.
Listen, I just wanted to let you know there's some kids in the neighborhood pretending to be me.
And RSVP'ing in crazy ways.
So you shouldn't trust any calls you may have received previously.
But I'm the real mom.
You can tell because I'm so stressed out.
I can't tell you the last time I took a bath, and we both WOMAN [OVER PHONE.]
: Hello.
Who is this? Oh, hi.
You're there.
[MOUTHS.]
Keep going.
Uh, yeah, so I was just saying how we're both moms.
We know how hard it is when we're trying to go to the bathroom and the kids are pounding on the door, right? Wait.
This isn't Frankie Heck, it's Sue Heck.
It's always been Sue Heck.
I'm sorry, I've never done this before in my life.
I got a 79 on my math test.
I needed my brother's help and I'm so weak.
Please don't tell my mom.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So I picked up Aunt Edie's photo albums for the funeral.
- I didn't know Aunt Edie lived with us.
- What? I found this picture of her and me when I was a baby.
She said she lived here for a while.
Oh, yeah, after you were born, your mom and I both had to work and you'd never sleep, so Aunt Edie moved in and helped take care of you.
- Hmm.
Hmm.
I wanna go to the funeral.
I really do.
FRANKIE: And there it was.
Mike wanted to go to the funeral.
He didn't want to want to go.
But he did.
I am recording the games.
I got beer in the fridge, bags of chips.
When I get home I'm taking off my pants and watching the whole thing.
Uh, that's really cutting edge that you're taping that on your VCR.
For those who aren't living in the '80s, I'll be getting tweets of the score.
Breathe a word of that score to me and that phone's going in the ground with Uncle Mac.
I don't get it.
Why hasn't Mom punished us yet? She must know.
Or does she? [WHISPERS.]
Does she? I just wish she'd punish me and get it over with because the guilt is killing me.
Mom trusted me.
She'll know I'm not the child she thinks I am and I'll have lost that trust forever.
Okay, guys, time to go.
SUE: There's something I have to tell you.
I called Mrs.
Siccola.
I called her about the party.
Oh, honey, thank you.
Oh, I've been meaning to do that all week.
And an A on your math homework too.
You are my good girl.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
We got away with it.
But at what cost, Brick? At what cost? Come on, Aunt Edie's probably already there.
We don't wanna be late.
[MIKE GROANS.]
- I don't feel so good.
- Yeah, nice try, you're still going.
No, I got this pain in my gut.
I feel like I might be sick.
That's how you know you're doing the right thing.
[SIGHS.]
[DIRGE PLAYING ON ORGAN.]
Brick, what are you doing? I'm trying to find the guy with the toe for a thumb.
Oh, no! No, Uncle Mac, gone too soon, huh, Dad? Awesome.
Welcome, friends.
We're here today to remember Mac Freehold friend, uncle, cousin and, of course, beloved brother.
Mac was especially close to his baby sister Edie who has some thoughts she'd like to share with us now.
Thank you, pastor.
I just wanna thank you all for coming.
It means so much to have you here At my birthday party.
[CROWD MURMURING.]
EDIE: You know, I have friends who just dread their birthday.
But I just say, consider the alternative.
FRANKIE: I couldn't believe it.
I had dragged Mike away from the event of a lifetime, so he could be here.
Even though Aunt Edie apparently wasn't.
Hey, Aunt Edie, I think you're a little confused.
We're not here for that.
We're actually here for [SINGING.]
Happy birthday to you ALL [SINGING.]
: Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Edie Happy birthday to you I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
How was I supposed to know it was all for nothing? Go to Indianapolis.
You can still catch the second game.
We'll find a ride home.
Take Axl and go.
Okay.
[MIKE GROANS.]
Axl, you're gonna have to drive.
[MIKE GRUNTS.]
Hey, get us there by tip-off, I'll buy you a Hoosier dog.
[MIKE GROANS.]
FRANKIE: That's the thing about life.
You wake up, you never know what's gonna happen.
You get handed tickets to the Final Four, your uncle dies.
Think your husband's faking it and he has appendicitis.
Do you have any allergies? Anything we need to know? One thing.
If you know the scores from the Final Four, don't tell me.
SURGEON: Don't worry, we're gonna pop that appendix out and you'll be good as new.
ANESTHESIOLOGIST He's almost out.
SURGEON: Hell of a game, huh? - Oh, best finish I ever saw.
Great day to be a Duke fan.
MIKE: No! FRANKIE: At the end of the day, wrong or right, you do for family.
Whether they appreciate it or not.
Whether they even know it or not.
You do it because it's just what you do.
Here's your soup.
With little crackers and everything.
Aw.
I didn't want you to get it because I wanted you to.
I wanted you to get it because you wanted to get it.
Okay, then.
MIKE: Frankie, I was kidding.
You know I don't care what you want, just bring me my soup.