Desperate Housewives s01e22 Episode Script

Previously on Desperate Housewives: My electronic monitoring device.
I'm on house arrest.
It's a condition on my bail.
Investigations began, I need you to check into someone else's background.
There is this plumber I know.
boundaries were pushed, Bree, you are not going to regret taking this journey with me! and the news Peterson called me into his office today.
went from bad He changed his mind.
He's going to hold that promotion for Duggan.
to worse.
I'm pregnant, and it might be yours.
Edie Britt's favorite moment of every day was her arrival at the construction site of her new home, because she knew what was about to happen: Her sudden appearance was always sure to generate a few appreciative glances, a few lascivious looks, and some downright ogling.
Sadly for Edie, the one man she wanted most to notice her paid her no attention at all.
Yes, Edie needed attention to feel good about herself, and she was determined to get it.
Miss Britt, you look extra beautiful today.
Oh Cyrus, you're so sweet.
So anyhow, I--I was wondering if-- maybe-- I could-- take you out to dinner sometime? Oh honey.
You are so far out of your league that you're playing a completely different sport.
Hey there.
Hi Edie, what's up? Nice ensemble.
You busy? No, not really.
Oh, good.
I bought a bunch of fresh donuts from my construction workers, and as you can see, bought a few too many.
So I thought maybe you and I could-- Susan! Hey there, Edie.
Wha--what are you--? Mike and I are back together.
Uh.
Super! I knew you'd be happy for us.
So what's going on? Uh, Edie was just about to-- Free donuts! Want'em or not? Sweet, thanks! Why don't you go put these on a plate? Oh, and save me one with sprinkles! I cannot believe you are still coming on to him.
You said you two were finished.
You thought he was a murderer.
And that was your cue to come over and flirt? You wasted your time.
And your donuts.
Not if you choke on them.
Thanks Edie, the donuts were great.
A pleasure.
See ya.
I'll run home and get some milk to go with those donuts.
Hey.
It's a shame you gotta keep running back and forth.
Well, I can't have donuts and juice.
It's unnatural.
No.
I mean, we should move in together.
C'mon, what do you say? Uh, um-- I say, um, oh! Hold that thought! Edie, Edie! Stop! What now? I was just rude back there, gloating and everything, and I apologize.
Thank you, Susan.
Very big of you.
And on a completely unrelated topic, Mike and I are moving in together.
See ya! Yes, Edie Britt needed the attention of men to feel good about herself.
Hey Cyrus! You have lunch plans? No.
And even she was amazed at how far she was willing to go to get it.
Elsborough hotel.
Half an hour.
Welcome to the majors! season 1, episode 22 "Goodbye For Now" Mr and Mrs Edwin Mullins were finally leaving Wisteria Lane.
In the past year, their street had played host to arson, violence, blackmail, and murder.
Fearing they too would be infected by this moral decay, the Mullins' felt it was time to say goodbye.
Strangely enough, none of their neighbors seemed to notice they were moving out.
Hey.
I thought you might be thirsty.
No, I'm good.
So how's your roommate doing? He's hanging in there.
Yeah, well-- I had to tell him some news that was a little bit upsetting for him.
No kidding.
Excuse me? What do you get off telling John he's not good enough to raise a child? That kid could be his! It is a complicated situation.
Seems pretty simple to me.
You're an unfeeling bitch.
Why did you hit the lawn boy? Well, if you saw what he did to our begonias, you'd slap him too.
I can't tell from--from this.
I can't tell anything with any-- Hey! Hey Lynette, what are you doing here? What's this? You told me Duggan's coming back to work today.
I thought I'd do something special for him.
Aha.
And this won't have anything to do with you checking up on me and Annabelle? What? Yesterday, you brought pictures of the kids.
The day before that, you brought me soup.
Lynette, honey-- it's gotta stop.
Tom.
I don't care about you working with Annabelle.
I told you that.
This is for Duggan.
He had a heart attack.
I don't care about Annabelle.
Hey, Lynette! Ah! Speak of the devil! And I mean that.
Well.
You're becoming a regular fixture around here, aren't ya? Oh, yeah, I wanted to do something nice for Duggan.
I suppose filling his bloodstream with butter fat might be considered nice.
Actually, it's fruit-juice sweetened.
Can I cut you? a piece? Everyone, I need to see you right now.
OK, listen up.
I just spoke with Tim Duggan's wife, and it looks like he's not going to be returning to work after all.
Seems that he had a relapse last night, which unfortunately puts us in a very tight spot.
We'll work together as a team and do what we need to do.
So Jerry, you're taking the Hollister account.
Susanne, you're covering Faraday Springs, and Annabelle, I want you to take the lead on the Travellers' Hotel chain.
You're leaving for Hawaii in three days.
I can't handle Travellers' by myself.
Especially not if they're moving into print.
Well, choose someone to take with you.
Oh, OK, um-- I choose-- Tom! Let's see.
I've beaten you at Bridge and Mah-jongg and Hearts.
This is your last chance to redeem yourself this time.
Stop it, you're going to make me laugh.
OK.
OK, I'll be good! Miss it! Miss it! Miss it! Bree-- - Come on, I want to psyche you out! OK, time's up, take your best shot! I'm not ready yet.
Hurry up, there are people waiting.
- One more minute.
Come on, take your best-- Don't do that! George-- Do you have an erection? I'm sorry.
What on earth-- - You were blowing on my ear! I was teasing you! - Exactly! You have got to get rid of it.
There are children present! How? I don't know, um-- Think of something unpleasant! Like what? Like famine or disease or-- hobos! Whatever, just hurry! You can't be mad about it! It's not something men can control! I kept this friendship going because I thought Rex's dislike of you was paranoid, but you had feelings for me all along! God, this is such a betrayal! Come on, Bree! The only thing I am guilty of is loving you in silence.
Well, you shouldn't be doing that.
In case you've forgotten, I'm married.
To a selfish two-faced liar who betrayed you with a hooker! I told you that in confidence.
How dare you throw it back in my face? So-- you're ending our friendship? After everything I've done for you? What is that supposed to mean? Nothing.
It didn't mean anything.
George, I do love you-- as a friend.
I wish you could love me the same way back, but since you can't-- Goodbye.
Later that day, Edie Britt witnessed something disturbing.
Something she was determined to put a stop to.
So is Susan coming? She said she might be a little late.
They've already started moving a few of Mike's things over to her house.
Already? Wow! Good for her.
Yeah, it's nice to see Susan so happy again.
Yeah, I'm happy for Susan.
But don't you think she and Mike are moving a little fast? Two days ago, she was thinking he was a murderer, and now she's moving in with him? Hnn.
- She found that was in self-defense.
I think they've cleared everything up.
- Yeah, good point.
Mike's a decent guy.
Yeah, that's true.
Of course, though-- with the gunshot wound-- That's right.
Did he ever explain that? No.
And I know guns, and that wound was not self-inflicted.
Mmm.
And then, what about Mrs Huber's blood-stained jewelry? Yeah, that didn't walk into Mike's garage by itself.
Maybe this is a mistake.
There's one thing I've learned: Men can't be trusted.
Hold it.
Are you saying that we should put a stop to this? Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to sit her down and share our concerns.
Yeah, we could do that.
Tyah-- Edie, do you want to be a part of it? Well, normally I prefer not to get involved.
But-- if there's any way that I can help Susan We need to talk.
OK.
When I was packing up your stuff in your bedroom, I found a box of bullets.
Oh.
Look, I feel really bad about Deirdre, and I know you must want to find out who killed her.
But if we're moving in together, we can't have this stuff hanging over us.
You've got to get rid of it.
All of it.
The file, the map, the gun Especially the gun.
And leave this to the police.
They're the professionals.
What can I say? Seems like a reasonable request.
Oh.
Really? That was easy.
Maybe after lunch we could talk about your leather bean bag chair.
"I realize now that I've treated you badly.
"I'm the one who needs to get help, not you.
"So I have to go away for a while.
In the meantime, Mrs Tilman will look out for you.
I don't consider it a burden.
You know you're welcome here.
"I left you some things.
I hope you can take comfort in them.
"I got you a new mitt.
Work on your curveball while I'm gone.
"I love you.
Dad.
" I don't understand! Why wouldn't he come see me? Why just run away? Your father's been very troubled, dear.
I'm sure he did what he felt was best for you.
And he wants me to take comfort in this junk? I hate baseball! You'd think he would know that! Zach-- Susan's coming! - OK.
OK, guys.
Interventions are never pretty.
So stay strong, 'cause she's probably going to cry.
Bon jour! Oh, hi! I didn't know the cooking lesson would be a group activity.
Well, the more the merrier, right? As long as nobody makes fun of my lousy crêpes.
How come I'm the only one wearing an apron? I know it seems like we're ganging up on you, but-- You were moving so fast, we thought a sort of-- intervention was necessary.
I know it's tough to hear.
And none of us wanted to do this.
I appreciate what you guys are trying to do.
I really do.
Um-- I'm not going to change my mind.
In my life, I've been hurt a lot.
Karl, and, uh-- Well, it just taught me to be cynical and expect the absolute worst from people.
And I don't want to live like that anymore.
And when Mike asked me to move in with him, I was just happy.
Just ridiculously happy.
I still am.
I want to go with that feeling.
I'd love him, and I'd love him! So I'll expect the best from Mike, and I know he'll deliver that in return.
OK? - Honey! - OK! - That was so good-- This is the worst intervention I've ever been to.
This is fun! It's forever since we had lunch.
Well, as happy as I am to see you, I actually have an agenda.
I ran into someone last week who said you guys were looking to hire.
Is that true? Yeah.
Are you thinking of coming back? Because, say the word, then I-- No, not me.
I was actually thinking more about Tom.
Oh! Tom.
Yeah, he's been thinking about making a move for a while.
He kind of feels like he's done everything he can where he is now.
Well, Tom's certainly-- solid.
He's more than solid.
Tom's ideas are spectacular.
He's passionate about his work.
His visual instincts are off the chart.
Is he as good as you? He's-- apples, I'm oranges.
We excel in different areas.
Trust me, you should give Tom a look.
I don't need apples.
I need someone like you.
Cut-throat.
Ruthless.
Jeez, Nat! You make me sound like some kind of shark.
Ah! OK! You know, actually, if that's the kind of exec you're looking for-- You got a shark for me? Yes.
A very pretty shark.
So, here's what I'm thinking.
I'll see if Dr Morrisson at the Lipstone Clinic can come in and consult.
You want to bring someone else in? Your body isn't responding to the medication the way it should.
And the tests we've run have all come back negative, so I-- I just want to be on the safe side.
Excuse me.
I need to take this.
I don't know why, but I have this overwhelming feeling that you'll be fine.
I really do.
Lee Craig has the biggest ego of any doctor I know.
If he wants to consult with someone, that means he's stomped.
Which means I'm screwed.
Don't say that.
- Damn it, Bree! Do you understand what's going on here? I could die! So could I.
What? I could walk across the street tomorrow and be hit by a car.
What in God's name is your point? All I'm saying is that we're both going to die eventually.
And that the time we have left, whether it's two days or two decades, I think that we should be nice to each other.
You're right.
Um, Ms Tilman-- Paul Young's been missing the last couple of days.
Have you seen him? Why ask me? I saw him leave a box on your doorstep, and I've also seen Zach over here.
If I did know where Mr Young was, why would I tell you? Look, um-- The police think I killed your sister, and I'm sure you do, too.
But I swear to you, I had nothing to do with it.
And you think Paul Young did? Well-- no, that's not what I'm saying.
You've got to admit, it's a neat theory.
Care for a snack? and so, it's not such a stretch.
I wonder if Paul avenged his wife's death by killing Martha for blackmailing them.
But perhaps I'm alone in there.
You're not.
Aren't you sweet.
Tea? - Thanks.
Do these journals say anything about why your sister was blackmailing the Youngs? Not specifically.
But I'd gotten a definite impression that it involved a murder, and now here you are saying your friend was murdered Any reason you haven't shown these to the police? Are you in favor of the death penalty? Um-- yeah.
So am I.
We had it in Utah.
Not in this state though.
A shame.
Don't you agree? Yeah, I do.
I like you so much, Mr Delfino.
You know where Paul Young is? I'm afraid not.
But I know where he'll be on Thursday night.
That afternoon, while retrieving her mail, Gabrielle was surprised to finally learn the truth behind her pregnancy.
Very surprised.
Hey babe.
Wanna go online and check out schools? What's going on? I just want to say goodbye, because I'm leaving you.
What? Your health insurance sent us a letter because someone ordered a year's worth of my birth control pills.
And apparently our policy doesn't cover drugs bought by the kilo.
I told you it was Mamá! The prescription was dated, Carlos.
And Juanita was in a coma when this claim was filed! You did this, not your mother! At least be man enough to own up to it.
She would have been.
Stop! - Uh-uh! I'm pregnant, Caveman, remember? Where are you going? Away! I'm going to jail! I'll be gone tomorrow! I know.
That's why I only packed one bag.
What about the baby, Gabrielle? Huh? What about my baby? Oh, your baby? Fine, our baby! Hey, we're a family now! This baby needs its mother and its father! Oh Carlos.
Whoever said you were the father? Hey! Hey.
Hey! What the hell are you doing? Damn felon! All units, code D-16-30.
Suspect is in violation of house arrest.
Currently heading west on Parker Blvd.
This is unit 14, we're on our way.
They say the Feds have a runner.
- Let's go.
Is John here? If I say no, are you going to slap me again? He's working.
Why? I just left my husband.
Hang on! You think just because you mow my lawn you could bang my wife? Whoa! - Hey, hey, hey! Hey.
What's going on? Oh Tom, I have had the craziest day.
This morning, the guy of Spermetual Incurrence called me, and-- they offer me a job! Are you going to take it? I told Peterson about it.
He just upped their offer! He just made me vice president! O--of what? Tom! The firm! He gave me Duggan's old job! Isn't that wild? I gotta go tell Scottie.
I'll see you later! Oh Tom, I was just coming to find you.
What the hell, Dan? I mean, what the hell?! You promoted Annabelle over me? She got a little job offer.
I couldn't afford to lose her.
Not now.
Well guess what, you lose me! 'Cause I quit! Tom, don't overreact.
No.
The first time you passed me by, I took it like a good soldier.
But since Duggan's heart attack, I have already been doing the job! I have been doing it! And then you just hand it to Annabelle? OK.
You made your point.
Wha--? You make crappy decisions on a daily basis, Dan, I gotta tell you.
But this one, this is the stupidest.
Hey, watch yourself.
You have been running this company into the ground since you got here.
The way I see it, I'm getting out easy.
All right, Scavo.
You want to know why I gave that promotion to Annabelle? Why she got the nod instead of you? It was Lynette.
What? She went to my wife and begged her to get me to kill your promotion.
She said that if you start travelling more, it'll hurt your family.
She did that? Now I feel like a chum for trying to help you guys out.
I guess that was another one of my "crappy decisions".
Have your desk cleaned up by tonight.
You wouldn't tell us what you got against this kid? It's between him and me.
And my wife.
Is that what this is about? You doin' his wife? No.
I'm gay.
You're gay? - What? I'm gay.
Ahh, this is not happening again What do you mean, again? I want a lawyer.
George! Hi! What are you doing here? I'm shopping, obviously.
Why are you shopping here? You live on the other side of town.
My friend had an operation, I'm buying her some things.
Oh.
Well, that's very nice of you.
Wait, Bree.
I have to tell you something.
Well? You need to tell Rex to be more discreet when it comes to discussing your love life.
I'm sorry? I don't want to say anything more.
You just really need to tell him that.
Wait a minute! What in the world are you talking about? I was at the hospital, to see my friend who had had this operation, and I overheard two doctors talking about Rex's fondness for-- S&M.
You heard that? Apparently, he told them he has a-- box of toys, and he-- gets you to do-- very inappropriate things.
I see.
Bree, this is clearly none of my business, and I would have never brought this up, but hear these two men laughing about you I just thought you should know.
Thank you for telling me, but I think I'm-- I gotta go.
Hey, got some more boxes.
That's your answer to everything these days.
So what do you think we should do for dinner? Oh, I--I can't.
I just got an emergency phone call.
A busted water main.
- OK.
I'll keep it warm for you.
You know, I'm-- afraid I'll be too late for dinner.
I wasn't talking about dinner.
Need some help? - Uh, no.
No, I got it.
So if you have a plumbing emergency, shouldn't you get going? Um, they've already got somebody on it.
I'm just part of the relief crew.
Oh.
Well, I'll just get back to work.
Mom-- stalking? Are you really doing this? You just made such a huge deal to your friends about how much you trust him now.
That was before I found Mrs Huber's journal in his truck.
So-- what's in it? It's not about what's in it.
It's about the fact that he had it at all.
I would bet you anything he's not going on a plumbing job, and we're going to find out.
Mom-- If you don't trust him, why are you moving in with him? I don't have time to explain adult relationships to you.
Duck down! I think you lost him.
- He's six cars up.
We have to stay this far back, or he'll see us.
OK, great, but we can't see him either.
I gotta tell you, Mom, you're not great at this.
Oh yeah? When your father was cheating on me, I used to follow him all the time.
I know my stuff.
Here he is.
What's Mike doing? Who's that he's pulling up to? I don't know, but I'm going to find out.
What are you--? Unlock the doors.
All right, what the hell are you up to? Oh my God.
Wow.
Um-- OK.
Oh! Wow.
Uh-- Goodbye! Was that your wife? If that was my wife, do you think I'd be here with you? It wasn't Mike, was it? No.
No, it wasn't.
They're charging you with a hate crime? You remember when our cable guy was beaten up? That was me.
I thought you were cheating with him! With our gay cable guy? I didn't know he was gay! I didn't know Justin was either! Now the cops think I'm some kind of serial gaybasher.
Well, you sort of are.
You provoked me! You were pretending to have an affair just to punish me! Well, obviously! So now I need you to lie again.
I need you to tell the cops you were having an affair, and that I just beat up the wrong guy.
Guys.
I am not lying for you, Carlos.
Gabby, if this charge sticks, I get sent away for eight years.
Am I supposed to be impressed? Because of your little stunt with my birth control pills, I've lost my freedom for the next eighteen years! Gabby, please don't do this.
Gabby! Don't walk away! Gabby! OK, next time I won't bring my daughter to stalk my boyfriend.
It was a slight error in judgement.
Honey, please don't give me the silent treatment.
I'm not.
Did you say you read this? Yeah, part of it.
Why? Mrs Huber was blackmailing Zach's mom.
Zach? What are you doing up? Couldn't sleep, so I was just-- sitting here.
Thinking.
About what? Do you really want to know? Bree-- I'm not feeling too hot right now.
So just tell me.
What's up? I was thinking that the biggest mistake of my entire life was agreeing to marry you.
Let me guess.
I've done something wrong.
Forcing me into sharing your depraved pastime wasn't bad enough? You had to share my humiliation with your co-workers? What? Rex, everybody is talking about our sex life.
Every sordid little detail, right down to that box of perversions you keep in the closet! Bree, I never said anything to anyone, I swear to God! You're a liar.
Who told you this? Doesn't matter.
It does matter, because I never said anything! Then how do people know? Because we both know that I wouldn't say anything! Why would I tell people about what we do in bed? [---.]
Maybe you were bragging.
Or maybe you just subconsciously wanted to hurt me.
Congratulations, you did it! I am officially destroyed! I didn't say anything! - I don't believe you.
Oh.
Oh.
Rex? What? What is it? I think I'm having a heart attack.
No, you're not.
Bree, you're going to have to take me to the hospital.
Um-- All right, you-- go downstairs and, um, I will be-- I'll be right there.
Daddy? What are you doing? I'm waiting for your mother to take me to the Emergency Room.
What's wrong? - I'm having a heart attack.
Oh my God, where is she? That's a good question.
Daddy says he's having a heart attack.
I know.
I'm going to take him to the hospital.
Well, when? When I finish making the bed.
What? I never leave the house with an unmade bed.
You know that.
But Daddy needs to go the hospital.
There.
Now we can go.
Nothing is forever.
And the time comes when we all must say goodbye to the world we know.
Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted.
Goodbye to those we thought would never abandon us.
And when these changes finally do occur, when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken its place, all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome.