The Middle s02e06 Episode Script

- Out here in the middle, - Halloween's huge: The trick-or-treating, the costumes.
But our favorite thing is the night we all get together as a family to carve pumpkins.
Why am I the only one carving a pumpkin? Why do we even do this if they don't appreciate it? Same reason we keep feeding them: habit.
- I'm ready to carve.
- There you go.
At least somebody's in the Okay.
Why don't we trade? You hold the marker and I'll take the giant knife.
I forgot to tell you, I met the Norwoods, the new neighbors down the block.
They invited us to drop by this weekend.
What for? They don't know us.
It's not just us.
Other people are gonna be there.
- What, like a party? - Uh, I don't know.
It's a get-together.
Some people might call it a party.
- So, what day is this party? - I think it's Sunday.
- So it's a Halloween party? - Yeah, I guess it is.
- Yeah.
I'm not dressing up.
- Mike, come on.
We never get invited to Halloween parties anymore.
- It'll be fun.
- It's ridiculous.
Grown-ups running around telling each other how cute they are.
Costumes on kids are cute.
Costumes on adults are sad and a little creepy.
Okay, I'm ready to carve.
Ha, ha! The junior high got permission to move the Halloween dance to nighttime.
Sorry, Brick.
You're on your own this year.
Yes.
Finally.
- For years, - Sue had dragged poor Brick around as part of her Halloween costume.
Trick or treat.
Trick or treat.
Trick or treat.
Well, excuse me for wanting your childhood to be fun unlike Axl ever did for me.
Oh, if I could only go back in time and right all the wrongs I've ever done to you.
Well, what are your big Halloween plans? Bet they're not better than going to a dance, at night.
FY your information we're going to a totally rocking haunted house.
It's run by people who work in a morgue.
There's real blood and actual body parts.
They don't Tweet the address till Halloween night.
They move it every year, or else the cops will shut it down.
Seriously, it's illegally gross.
That does sound rocking.
Who's gonna take Brick trick-or-treating? Dad and I have a very fun Keep your mind open.
- costume party to go to.
Just think about it.
I could bring him if you want.
You like severed fingers? - Who doesn't? - You don't.
Okay.
Dad and I will take you trick-or-treating before the party.
I'll get the aunts to come hand out candy.
They're old.
They like kids again.
- Guess what.
I have a date for the dance.
- What? I didn't know it was a date dance.
Now that it's at night, everyone's going as couples.
- Oh.
- But here's the best part.
Natalie heard from Brian who heard from Stacey that Wylie Janousek likes you.
- Really? Wylie Janousek? - Yep.
He's gonna ask you to the dance and you're gonna get your first kiss, and it will be so romantic.
Oh, my God! Aah! Heh! Wait.
Who's Wylie Janousek again? It doesn't matter.
Aah! Hey, there.
I picked you up a little something at the mall.
Oh, yeah? Hmm.
Interesting choice.
Not sure if it's my color.
And I already have so many fringy vests.
- No.
- Oh.
Come on.
You'll make such a cute hippie.
Wait.
Does it make any sense when you see it next to this? Fine, you don't wanna be hippies.
I'll take it back and get us something else.
Who do you wanna be? I wanna be Mike.
- How about Bonnie and Clyde? - Or Bonnie and Mike? Oh, Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein? Or Mike and bride of Mike? You're gonna be embarrassed when you're the only one not dressed up.
No, I don't think I will.
Oh, fine.
Wear the same two boring plaid shirts until you die.
That's the plan.
- Sue.
Uh, hi.
- Hi, Wylie.
Yeah.
Listen, I don't know if you've heard anything but people have been saying that, you know, I like you.
Oh? I hadn't heard anything.
Well, it's just sort of out there, and I just You know, I want you to know I don't.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Thank you for clearing that up.
Even though I hadn't heard it.
You can't ever have too much information.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You know that bus crash on the interstate? They got there before the paramedics and swiped a couple of the bodies.
Ha-ha-ha.
I heard no one's ever gotten through without barfing.
Mrs.
Heck, nice to see you.
I told Michelle about how gnarly it's gonna be, and she wants to come.
Best part: She'll bring some of her hottie friends.
Wait.
Do we really want chicks there? They'll get all scared.
Dude, think about it.
Girls get scared, throw up all over the place Iook to us for comfort, boom, we're making out with them.
Oh, sweet.
Kissing's gross enough, but wouldn't it be worse after the girl just threw up? Your brother prefers to learn his lessons the hard way.
Well, change in plans.
Sue Heck will not be attending the Halloween dance this year.
- Why? What happened? - Funny story.
Everyone decided to go with dates, which I think is fantastic.
Heh.
Even better, there's this boy who I heard liked me.
But he came up to my locker just to tell me that he doesn't like me.
Isn't that hilarious? I didn't really wanna go anyway.
Heh.
I'll just stay home and hand out candy with the aunts.
Yep, three single ladies, drowning our sorrows in candy.
Oh, honey.
Oh, unless Brick wants to go trick-or-treating with me.
Hey, you know, there's always the church teen group.
I think they're doing a Halloween hayride this year.
Oh, yeah? Whenever there's an exciting event for kids the church always offers an alternative.
Three, two, one.
Happy New Year.
A holy hayride.
That could be really fun.
The New Year's thing was fun.
So, okay.
Thank you.
So Halloween finally arrived.
Sue was off to the hayride, Axl was off to his body parts and the aunts were prepped and ready.
Okay, one piece of candy per kid.
Watch out for grabbers and repeaters.
I shouldn't have to say this, but if you run out of candy you can't give out cigarettes and pills.
- We've been giving out candy for years.
We'll be fine.
Hey, baby.
Power to the people.
Ooh, who's the square in the plaid shirt? Oh, right.
It's that costume that always sells out first every year: Mike.
- Hey, Brick, let's go.
- Ready.
Wow, look at you all wearing a skirt and everything.
- Who are you supposed to be? - He's Shirley Temple.
You don't recognize me? From history? Okay, I'll give you a hint.
I died from bayonet wounds in the Great War.
I'm Sergeant Charles MacKenzie, the Scottish World War I hero.
I don't expect a lot of adults to get it.
I don't think a lot of kids are gonna get it.
Hey, I thought you were gonna get a date for me.
- Are we picking her up later? - Oh, yeah.
Uh - Do you have a date for my friend? - No.
Sorry, dude.
I tried.
You sure this is where the directions said to go? The Tweet said to turn left onto the dirt road after the seventh barn.
We passed a hundred barns.
Well, maybe if you were a better barn counter, we wouldn't be lost right now.
Trick or treat.
Oh, look, a princess, a ghost, and a Catholic schoolgirl.
I am Sergeant Charles Stuart MacKenzie.
I died in France.
Bayonet injury? Is none of this ringing a bell? Brick, just get the candy and move on.
They're not gonna get it.
You couldn't talk him into Superman or something? I'm not good at talking anybody into doing anything they don't wanna do.
Not when they don't wanna look stupid.
Hello, hello, blokes.
Anybody call for a chimney sweep? - Jeez.
- Hey, Bob.
You look so cute.
You look so cute.
So you couldn't talk Crabby Pants into the vest, huh? Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating? - It's not for me.
I just donate all the candy to the sick kids in the hospital.
Mm-hm.
Got a little chocolate on your face there.
Oh, hey, listen, big man, I just shotgunned three Pixy Stix.
You do not wanna mess with me.
Ha-ha-ha! See? Even Bob dressed up.
I wouldn't count on winning any argument that starts with "even Bob.
" You know, I just don't get you sometimes.
Halloween is a night of fantasy, of being somebody you always wanted to be.
Haven't you ever just wanted to be somebody else, just for one night? Am I married or unmarried in this scenario? No, I'm serious.
Isn't there some dream, some fantasy you know, something else you hope for in life? - Not really.
- Nothing? - No.
I'm content.
- You're content? With this life? The one we're living right now? Yep.
Why? Meanwhile, Sue was looking toward a pretty dreary Halloween with stodgy old Reverend Hayver and the rest of the kids with nothing to do.
And then something amazing happened.
- Happy Halloween, Sue Heck.
- Reverend TimTom.
You remembered my name, after only meeting me two times and then coming to my family's barbecue.
That's amazing.
But what are you doing back in Orson? - I thought you moved to Dayton.
- Sue, I'm the roving rev.
I go where the teens need me the most.
The teens in Orson need you too.
I can be troubled.
I once took cough syrup even though my cough was mostly over.
Oh, I'm never too far away.
I've either just been here or on my way back through.
Well, Sue Heck, what do you say we get this party started? Plenty of ghosts on Halloween Some are nice and some are mean I know a ghost pleasant as can be I ain't talking about Casper Or Jacob Marley Sea to sea, coast to coast He's the absolute most He's the Holy Ghost Halloween night was in full swing.
It was nice to know that Aunt Edie and Aunt Ginny were holding down the fort.
Hello? Hey, it's Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons.
Does no one read history on this block? I'm thinking he might just wanna go with Groundskeeper Willie.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold up.
That is a lot of toilet paper you got there.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, my mom asked me to get it for her.
Oh, wow.
What a nice kid you are, going shopping for your mom on Halloween instead of running around pulling pranks and causing trouble.
- Um - I'm gonna call the police right now and recommend you for some kind of plaque or something.
- What? - Nothing.
You wanna be a Halloween narc that's fine with me.
- I should've let them TP some house so the poor family has to clean up - Whatever.
- Come on, Brick.
Well, don't just leave it there.
This is three-ply.
This is coming with us.
I know that Halloween can be kind of scary.
But you know what's even scarier? Just being a teen in this crazy world, huh? But there's no judgment in God's yearbook.
You're all voted Most Likely to Dance.
Grab a partner, and let's get ready to rock.
Hey, Sue Heck.
I could use a tambourine player.
Got it.
I got it.
Dress like a devil Dress like a ghoul Jesus don't mind He's pretty cool Dress like a player Dress like a ref One year, I dressed like Gandhi And collected for UNICEF Halloween Oh, well, it's Halloween And by the way It's really All Saints' Day That's too fast, Sue Heck.
That's a little too slow.
Hey, you know what? What do you say I just follow you? Axl's plan to scare the girls was working, especially now that they were lost.
- I'm scared.
- Me too.
- lf you're scared, come a little closer, huh? - I'm serious.
- This road reminds me of that story.
- What story? It was like 10 years ago.
There were these teenagers in a car on their way up to that abandoned drive-in on Route 4 and they disappeared.
Then, like, years later, a farmer was plowing his field and he found a shallow grave with a bunch of chopped-up teenagers in it.
But when they finally counted up all the body parts there was an extra head, with no body.
- They were okay, right? - No, Darrin.
No.
No.
Look, I'm not Groundskeeper Willie, Hannah Montana, a bagpiper or anybody from Gossip Girl.
Gossip Girl.
Well, I don't know any of those people but, to me, you look like Sergeant Charles MacKenzie.
You know who I am? The man's a legend.
Mom, can I stay at Mr.
Johnson's? He knows who I am.
- I'll walk him home later, Frankie.
- Okay.
The Seaforth Highlanders would never leave a man behind.
Aye, indeed.
Oh, hey, don't worry about that tambourine.
You're a very enthusiastic player.
That's nothing to be down about.
I just thought this year was gonna be the best ever because I'm on cross-country.
Did I tell you I'm on cross-country? Yeah.
Yeah.
I think you mentioned it a couple times during the song.
But I just feel like I'm behind in everything.
Getting my braces off.
My first kiss.
I'm sorry.
I don't wanna ruin your Halloween.
Maybe I should just skip the hayride and go home.
So you're in a rough patch.
You know who else hit a rough patch? Jesus.
He was dead.
But then three days later he was back on his feet, rocking it resurrection-style.
My point is, you never know what's right around the corner.
You know, I think I will go on that hayride.
Thank you, Reverend TimTom.
You really do get teens.
Great job, Frankie.
Now, save that.
We're making caramel apples later.
- Wanna go next, Mike? - Don't worry.
He doesn't.
Hey, I finally get it.
You're the Brawny guy.
Oh, sorry.
We're a hippie and Mike.
I love this song.
Dance with me.
Come on.
Put your beer down and get into it.
- Where are you? - I see you in there.
- What's your problem? - Give us candy.
- Candy, candy, candy! - We want candy.
It's stuck in the mud.
We're gonna have to get out and push.
I'm sure that guy who killed those teens is probably gone by now.
All right.
Ready? It's a bat! It's trying to fly in my hair! - Get if off! - It's trying to fly in my hair! Oh, my God! - Get it off me! - What's happening? Oh, my bad.
- We're good.
- We got this.
Totally under control.
Frankie.
Hey.
What's? What's going on? Are you really mad? "What's going on?" What's going on is that you wouldn't dance.
Everybody was dancing.
The smoking-baby guy.
The screaming Mel Gibson guy.
Both of The Situations.
- Oh, but not Mike.
- What are you talking about? I was out on the dance floor.
Yeah, but you wouldn't dance.
You just stood there like a maypole while I danced around you.
You looked ridiculous.
I looked ridiculous? What was this? - I'm being a hippie.
- Please.
That's your signature move.
You break it out at every wedding we go to.
I don't get what's happening.
I don't get what's happened to you.
You used to dance before we got married.
You really wanna go down this road of things we used to do before marriage? I just thought that, for one Halloween we didn't have to do the same old thing, sitting on the couch complaining about how kids are gonna smash pumpkins.
I thought, for once, we could put on some fringy vests and just have fun.
But no.
You're not fun.
You're Mike.
I'm fun.
We just have a different definition of the word, is all.
You think adults dressing up and bobbing for swine flu is fun and I'm right.
Aah! Why don't you get it? I just wanna have a good time.
- Who's stopping you? Go.
Have fun.
- I wanna have fun with you, Mike.
You should be happy.
Seventeen years, I still wanna have fun with you.
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
Just having fun.
Mike, this is the Donahues' yard.
They're our friends.
Yeah, I know.
They're also sort of annoying.
That's what makes this fun.
- Are you fun or not? - But they're home.
So we have to be quick.
- Oh, ha! Give me another one.
- I'll get the tree.
You get the bush.
This is fantastic.
Anything can happen You never know what's gonna come Anything can happen for anyone Sorry.
That's a nice costume.
Take a walk outside Do you? Do you wanna kiss? See the planets shine Okay.
See the stars align Anything can happen for anyone - Do you wanna go again? - Okay.
On a night like this Halloween is a night of surprises, all right.
Sue got her kiss.
Axl didn't.
Brick found someone who understood him.
So it's actually And Mike and I? Well, let's just say that we had some honest-to-goodness fun.
Until the cops came.
Busted.
Well, it's late.
We need to be going.
Strange.
Not one trick-or-treater this year.
Well, no wonder.
It snowed.
Yep, I have to say, Halloween this year turned out to be pretty groovy.
I guess on the night of the first snow, anything can happen.
- Unh.
- Okay.