House, M.D. s02e10 Episode Script
HOU-210 - Failure to Communicate
So there I am, on my 25th birthday, driving from Wheeling, West Virginia, to Bensonhurst, in a Dodge Dart with no radio and a gunrunner named Barrelhead, who insisted we sing every Jimmy Buffett song he could recall.
What could I say? The man was heavily armed.
So, 500 renditions of MargaritaviLLe later My first cover.
Eight thousand words on how Barrelhead and his friends were transporting handguns for sale to New York City.
The day the magazine hit the stands, the DA hit me with a subpoena.
He wanted to know Barrelhead's real name.
And Greta had been managing editor for three whole days.
So she invited me across the street to the fancy bar where they use real glasses.
And after about the sixth vodka and tonic, she said, "Fletch, I want you to know the magazine is behind you.
" Well, I was impressed.
I said, "You think you can get the DA off my back?" And she said, "No, but when you get out of jail, you'll still have a job.
" I'm 45.
I've given up a lot.
I've given up the road, that life Thanks, Elizabeth.
No regrets.
My lovely wife.
I've given up drinking.
I've given up drugs.
Greta taught me there's two things you never give up.
One's rock and roll.
The other's a source.
Greta Sims.
Great memories, Greta.
We'll miss you, Greta.
I only hope you can adjust to the lack of stress in your Fletch? Fletch? Fletcher? Fletch? Fletcher? Fletcher? Honey? Sweetie? Are you okay? Are you okay? I flung the investment.
What did you say? I flung the investment.
Why consign? Why consign? I'll call 911.
It's proficient.
Why disqualify the rush? I'm tabled.
I'm tabled.
Need your advice.
What's the best diagnostics department within 60 miles of here? We are.
Yeah.
"We" aren't here.
House is in Baltimore lying to Medicaid about his billings.
So? I'm board certified.
You are not House.
Why'd you put me in charge of the department if you think I can't handle it? Because it's temporary, and because I was ordered to.
What are the symptoms? Oh, come on.
You're gonna diagnose him without meeting him? Prove that you're as brilliant as House? I need to know the symptoms to know which hospital to recommend.
EMT's report: patient struck his head and is suffering from aphasia.
A neurological problem.
You know, I know a lot of good people in that field, seeing as I happen to be a neurologist.
You're pouting.
Not at all.
Taylor's pretty good.
House was ready to hire him till he got my resume.
It's Fletcher Stone.
Wrote 12 books, exposed three administrations.
Before he exposes us I get it.
Famous patient needs famous doctor.
I'll call Taylor.
Thank you.
Or maybe you should call him.
What if I say something stupid? God.
House is easier.
You taking any drugs? I displaced my function.
Accolade.
He used to drink regularly, but he's been clean and sober for nearly a year.
Mr.
Stone, you think you're speaking normally, but your speech is impaired.
He knows what he wants to say, but when he reaches for a word, he finds something else.
I grapple average.
Tanzer glisten? He doesn't know that he's saying it wrong? It all sounds right to him.
I want you to write your name and draw a face.
It's called agraphia.
Loss of ability to write.
Most often, it's temporary.
How hard did he hit his head? It was a pretty good crack.
It made a really ugly sound.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Of golf.
Don't give me a sentence.
Just say "yes" or "no.
" Do you understand me? Yes.
Elizabeth.
Fletch.
Is he okay? We don't know.
This is Fletch's editor.
Greta Sims.
I wanted to make sure that the EMTs told you the right story.
How many stories are there? He didn't trip.
He just fell.
Out of the blue.
His foot jerked a little bit, first.
That's what made it look like a trip.
Don't say anything.
Don't attempt to defend your billing practices.
Your billing practices are indefensible.
We've been over this.
If I thought you were capable of listening, I'd shut up.
That makes no sense at all.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Every case you have rates a five on the complexity scale? Dr.
House has a rather specialized practice.
Ah.
Okay.
Then let's go through these.
All of these? If you have lunch reservations, cancel them.
All right.
Patient If he didn't trip, something made him fall.
Stroke, seizure? Thirty people saw him trip.
One person says he didn't.
Who are we gonna believe? His symptoms can all be explained by the head trauma.
It causes a contusion or a seizure.
That causes the aphasia.
We should get an EEG.
If it was a stroke, could be a clotting issue.
Even if he fell, drug use is far more likely.
I'm ordering a tox screen.
Chase.
We're not done with the differential.
You're not my boss.
I'm House's boss.
House is your boss.
The math is pretty simple.
Are you signing my paychecks? Are you hiring and firing? This is not about that.
The only thing you've been asked to do is supervise House, in case he does something insane.
Which might, you know, save a life.
Somebody's gotta be in charge.
Why? What, do you think we should all just do whatever we wanna do? Maybe have a race to the diagnosis.
I think it should be a discussion among peers.
I think we're grown-up enough to reach a consensus.
Patient, 62 years old.
You prescribed Viagra.
I look in vain for the words "erectile dysfunction" in the notes for Dolores Smith.
She had a heart condition.
And you ran out of nitroglycerin? She also had low blood pressure, so nitro would be dangerous.
The little blue pills improve blood flow.
They're vasodilators.
That's why you sometimes get headaches.
I think Dr.
House understands Of course I do.
The woman has a heart condition, she's on her own.
A man can't nail his office assistant, it's national crisis time.
Are you seriously expecting us to foot the bill for off-label use of medication? Fine.
I'll pay for it.
How much are the pills? She took how many? Put the money away.
Are you trying to bribe me? No.
I could.
There's an ATM in the lobby.
My client's an idiot.
But is he wrong about the pills? Off-label use is not sanctioned You're retiring in three weeks.
You've been doing this job nearly 20 years.
Aren't you tired of administering policy that you disagree with? I never said I disagree What can they do to you? And Dr.
House is sorry about his earlier outburst.
Absolutely.
You do background checks on Medicaid personnel? I do what's necessary for my client.
Wow.
New personal record.
Yeah.
Timing's good for me, too.
Got a reservation at a little place in the Inner Harbor.
You booked us dinner reservations? Best Maryland crab in Maryland.
Don't you have a plane to catch? Not for hours.
Your flight leaves at 7:00.
You did a background check on me? And mine doesn't leave till 9:00 p.
m.
It looks like you'll be dining alone.
You checked on my flight so you could be sure to be on a different one.
I thought we were past the avoidance stage.
I didn't think we'd be finished this soon.
Where's your crucifix? I left it at the jeweler's to be cleaned.
Right.
This will show us if there's a problem with your carotid artery that might cause a blood clot.
If it went to his brain, it could explain the aphasia and the falling down.
And you're giving him an EEG.
Is that for the same thing? It's just a precaution.
I think the trauma caused some swelling and we need to keep him stable until the body can repair the damage.
And you think they're both wrong? We're just covering all the bases.
We're being safe.
His O2 stats are going down.
Fluid in his lungs.
I'll push 40 IV Lasix.
We need to intubate.
He's losing his respiratory drive.
Put him down.
Put him down.
And then there were two.
Aphasia and fluid in the lungs.
Seizure can't cause both.
Neither can a stroke.
Unless he had an abnormal heart rhythm.
And then there was one.
Urine test was positive for amphetamines.
Amphetamines don't cause pulmonary edema.
They do if you smoke them.
Well, in one of his books, he talked about giving up drugs and alcohol.
How it changed his life.
Everybody lies.
When he started wanting to hear every minute of my day, it should have been a clue he was the jealous type.
But you know, in that first stage of a relationship, where it's like your body's full of these chemicals that make you think everything they do is charming.
Excuse me.
HeLLo.
Hey, honey.
How are the kids? Do they miss me? This may take a minute.
So, what's new with Mr.
Aphasia? Cuddy called you? Everybody covers their ass.
Pulmonary edema.
Chase did a tox screen.
It came back positive for amphetamines.
He did the dance of victory.
I'm betting there's another shoe.
I thought the kids didn't call you.
I know the way you tell stories.
Foreman went to talk to Stone about his drug test, found him running a temperature.
So it's not the drugs.
They've just got such a bad rep.
Honey, you shouldn't do that.
Okay, I gotta hang up.
They're probably trying to reach me.
You don't have call waiting? I'm hanging up on you now.
It's $5 a month.
Drugs don't cause fever.
Encephalitis or meningitis are the obvious suspects.
Start him on antibiotics.
It could be an autoimmune disease.
Lupus, Behcet's We could start him on a high dose of steroids.
Except if he does have encephalitis, steroids could weaken his immune system.
Foreman.
How high a fever? Put me on speakerphone.
And why haven't you called me? What? You think you guys can have a party as soon as the parents are gone, and I won't hear about it? Start with broad-spectrum antibiotics for possibLe bacteriaL meningitis, and an antiviral in case we luck out and it's herpes encephalitis.
What if it's autoimmune? Well, then we're screwed, which is why we need more information.
Any genetic issue with the family? The man can't taLk.
His medicaL records are sketchy.
And the wife's only known him a couple of years.
MRI show anything? The CT scan was negative.
"CT.
" That's like short for "MRl," right? ExceLLent.
That's going to save us a Lot of time.
We've got an MRl scheduled in 20 minutes.
Earliest Foreman could get the machine.
I teach you to lie and cheat and steal, and as soon as my back is turned, you wait in line? Get an MRl and get a better medical history.
The man can't talk! Who cares? He's probably gonna lie anyway.
My flight's a little late, I'll be back in a few hours.
So, you're in charge of us because you're in charge of him? Any family history of neurological problems? No.
Have you been out of the country in the last five years? Yes.
Three years? Yes.
Two years? He stopped traveling for work two years ago, after we got serious.
Any vacations? His last one was six months ago.
This golf resort at Key Biscayne.
No way it was a golf resort.
Knowing Fletch, I assumed he was working his way through every bar in the Keys, a last hurrah before settling down.
Alcohol? No.
Amphetamines? No.
You tested positive.
He doesn't use drugs.
I told you.
When we got engaged, we decided we wanted a different kind of life.
And he dropped the macho journalism.
No more taking crazy chances.
That includes his health.
He asked me not to tell Elizabeth.
So he's been lying to her about his drug habit? Well, yes and no.
BE, before Elizabeth, he used drugs recreationally.
I wasn't crazy about it, but that thrill-seeking behavior is what made him the kind of journalist that he was.
And now? AE? Man's twisted himself into knots for her.
Completely cleaned up his act.
But the drugs? They're medicinal.
Sort of.
He was having trouble sleeping.
This new suburban lifestyle.
Lack of excitement was throwing him off.
So he started with sleeping pills.
When they knocked him out, he needed something to perk him back up during the day.
Every day? No slippery slope there.
Keep the stain! Knife can't force.
We're not gonna tell your wife.
We're not cops.
There's a little edema, brain swelling, and an area of scarring.
Is that what's causing the aphasia? Actually, that's what's odd.
The scarring's not in the area of the brain normally associated with conduction aphasia.
And it's old.
Happened before he hit his head.
Maybe a small stroke or some other underlying condition that could be causing this.
Or it might have nothing to do with it at all.
Have you ever had head trauma before? An accident? Ever had any numbness on one side before? Dizziness? What is the durable? No.
ALL departing passengers for FLight Number 870, the pLane wiLL be deLayed by one haLf-hour.
We apoLogize for any inconvenience.
I got you some coffee.
So, what do you want to talk about? The scarring on the MRl could be anything.
MS, toxins, any one of 100 demyelinating diseases.
If it's meningitis, we have to ID the bug fast.
We need to do a lumbar puncture.
I'm not doing an LP with this edema.
We could paralyze him.
What does House say? "The person you are trying to reach is out of the area or has turned off their phone.
" So, what are your orders? We need more information.
There is no more information.
We'll break into his place.
Have fun.
How's the patient? Fine.
Where are you going? Dinner.
Oh, well, I'll join you, and you can bring me up to speed.
Oh, sorry.
Reservation for two.
When people give themselves away, it's by little things.
That woman over there She's not sneering at her coffee.
She's recovering from Bell's palsy.
And the cashier at the coffee place She doesn't want anyone to know, but she's dying of ALS.
There's a particular sort of twitchy, stiff arm that's characteristic.
And then there's you.
Why aren't you wearing your cross? I told you I left it at You keep jewelry cleaner under the sink so you won't have to go a day without it.
True, you forgot it that morning that our pipes burst, but then you went back and waded through the flood to retrieve it.
So, why no wading today? Didn't you bring a book to read, or something? Nothing.
Caffeine pills and amphetamines.
Same stuff he told us he was taking.
And Topamax.
An anticonvulsant? But he said there was no history of prior seizure.
It's not even prescribed to him.
Still doesn't explain his fever.
He's probably just using it for weight loss.
Just gives us another lie.
He must really be devoted.
Should we check the home? If he wanted to hide something from his wife, why wouldn't he hide it in the office? Or maybe she's hiding something.
Nothing but aspirin and flu meds in the bathroom.
Looks like this stuff's been sitting here for weeks.
Home improvement.
He probably thought he could take the project on, then realized it was a little more than he could handle.
You got a point to make, or did you just feel like giving a long, unnecessary explanation for something medically irrelevant? What happened to the Foreman who always has an answer? The guy who practically wears a sign saying, "I'm as good as House, but I'm nicer.
" I never said that.
I guess it's safe to be confident when House is there to overrule you.
Now that it's all on you It's different.
Yeah.
Either you left it behind on purpose, or by mistake.
The only reason you'd leave it behind intentionally is if it no longer meant anything to you.
But since it was a gift from your mom, that would mean you had a fight with her.
But since you don't talk to ghosts, that's unlikely.
Leave it alone, Greg.
Yeah, I'm good at that.
So that leaves forgetting it unintentionally.
But then we have to explain why you didn't go back for it when you realized I didn't realize until I got to the airport.
Nope.
You were wearing makeup when you got to the airport.
You can't put on makeup without looking at yourself.
You can't look at yourself without touching that thing.
Why does this matter to you? It's an anomaly.
Anomalies bug me.
Then you're gonna suffer.
I think it's his stomach.
I teal indigent.
Was it something you ate? He keeps doing that.
I teal indigent.
Are you hungry? No.
No, he's in pain.
Is it a sharp pain? No.
Teal indigent! Taste? Yes.
A metallic taste? Yes! I'll be right back.
I suppose it's also possible that the clasp broke, but then you'd be carrying the thing around in your purse We had a fight.
We had a fight, and I was angry and not thinking straight, and I walked out without my makeup and without my cross.
I stopped at the drugstore to buy makeup, but I couldn't buy a cross, because they don't have an aisle for personal talismans! So you had a fight.
I'm sure it'll blow over.
It was about nothing.
Of course it was.
Mark's tired.
He's worried.
He's got mobility problems.
It's normal to blow up over little things.
I don't mind fighting over little things.
I didn't mind fighting over big things.
That I could understand.
We fight over nothing.
You know, a mailbox with a sign that says, "Last pickup 5:00 p.
m.
" Does that mean last pickup to go to the post office, or last pickup to leave the post office and be sent out of town? You fought over mail delivery? I tried to get him to drop the subject, but he wouldn't.
I told him he was right.
He thought I was being condescending.
You were.
He's pushing me out of his life.
Maybe you're misinterpreting.
Did I misinterpret with you? At least, this time I recognize it.
That's the benefit of convincing the only two men you've ever loved they're better off without you.
Yeah, it's all your fault.
You know, "Stacy" in the original Greek means "relationship killer.
" I'm going to go wash my face, so I look like a grownup again.
Hello.
It's for you.
House.
Do you know your phone's dead? Do you ever recharge your batteries? They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.
I thought you should know your aphasia guy is tasting metal.
Where's his creatinine? Cameron's got him on dialysis, and he's stable for the moment.
Unlike Cuddy, who's suicidal.
It's either meningitis or encephalitis.
Or maybe autoimmune.
That's perfect.
Seems like you really narrowed it down over dinner.
Here's the plan.
We talk to House.
We've been trying.
He's not answering his cell.
It's obvious we have to do the lumbar puncture.
There's no choice anymore.
You have to do it just right.
What are you talking about? Either you've decided to do a lumbar puncture, or you have to fire me so that I can't fire all of you as soon as I get back in charge.
Is Cuddy there, ranting? If I'd known you'd be out of contact They can handle it.
Right.
So far, only three organ systems have failed.
Okay, they can't.
Doesn't matter.
The guy's not stable enough to move.
So go rant in your own office.
Fine.
Call me when you're done.
What do you mean by doing the LP just right? We're not gonna screw it up.
The odds are, this guy knows something we don't.
He could know the answer to the meaning of life, the man can't communicate! Have you had any indication that he's tried to communicate something important? No.
Well, that's because you guys haven't scared him enough.
I'm sure you've been all, "Oh, we'll take real good care of you.
" Why shouLd he say anything? When you prep him, tell him he's gonna die.
Crush aLL hope.
Don't Let Cameron do it.
Cuddy, you got a problem with any of that? You're scheduled for a lumbar puncture, but you shouldn't count on that having the answers.
If your husband continues to decline You'll die.
If there's anything you haven't told us How you holding up? I know what you just heard is scary as hell, but Couldn't tackle the bear.
Couldn't tackle the bear.
They took my stain.
Attention, pLease.
Due to weather conditions, aLL fLights are grounded tiLL further notice.
Cots are being provided on the Lower LeveL.
We apoLogize for the inconvenience.
I don't believe it.
You want me to run down and reserve you a cot with a view? Where's your knapsack? Checked it through.
That's right.
I forgot.
It's hard for you to carry and walk.
I booked a room at the airport hotel when I saw how bad the weather was.
It's the last one available.
Your leg can't handle a night on a cot.
Thanks.
I'm ready.
Right.
The hotel's upstairs.
Does Mark know about this? Mark knows that when things are bad, I always like to have an escape route planned.
I have to know what's going on here.
Because when you have a fight with Mark and you try to avoid me, then I have to think that That I'm feeling vulnerable, and I don't want to be around you, because it might lead to something.
Right.
But then, a hotel room Might also lead to something.
So, which is it? Our relationship's like an addiction.
It's like Really good drugs? No, it's like Vindaloo curry.
Okay, sure.
Really, really hot Indian curry they make with red chili peppers.
I know what it is.
Didn't think it was addictive.
You're abrasive and annoying, and you come on way too strong.
Like Vindaloo curry.
And when you're crazy about curry, that's fine.
But no matter how much you love curry, you have too much of it, it takes the roof of your mouth off.
And then you never want to see curry for a really, really long time.
But you wake up one day and you think, "God, I really miss curry.
" You're a jerk.
I know.
If you hadn't just had a fight with Mark For once in your life, will you shut up? House.
You're on speakerphone.
How did the LP go? Give me the Reader's Digest condensed version.
PreLiminary resuLts are some kind of infection which narrows it down From infinity, yeah.
At the rate his organs are deteriorating, he's got maybe a day or two.
Okay.
Well, call me back when you have something.
He was trying to teLL us something.
What did he say? You were wrong.
It wasn't the fear.
He opened up to me when I A sympathetic presence after a traumatic moment.
Classic interrogation technique.
What did he say? You knew that I'd Act the way you always do? Yeah, I did.
What did he say? He couldn't tackle the bear.
Now all we need is the English-Aphasic dictionary.
A fluent aphasic retrieves words that are stored somewhere close to the one he wants.
They could be filed by sound or by meanings.
So if he wants to say "table," he could say "label" or he could say "chair.
" Or he could just say "jabberwocky.
" There's no way to tell.
He also said, "They took my stain.
" Hold on.
I'm gonna take this phone downstairs, so I don't disturb you.
Is that okay? Sure.
Keep him talking.
Write down everything he says.
Stacy.
That new makeup you bought, do you mind if I borrow it? What did you mean by "stain"? Dirty, soiled No, no.
What about rhymes? Pain? Brain? Thane? He is dying from some kind of infection, and you all are playing word games? Is there anything else you haven't told us? Let's start this again.
"Bear.
" Is it "bare" as in "naked"? Crimson Desire shows up well on Sheetrock.
That's why I chose it.
You must have gotten one new phrase out of him.
Something.
We've been talking to him for hours.
Maybe he's just given up.
You sure you've told me everything you found at his home and office? No, we're hiding something.
Maybe it's not a rhyme or a synonym.
What else is there? You think we should just start guessing randomly? Maybe House is wrong.
Hope that's not the end of the thought.
He mentioned "stain" once before, when Chase was giving him the MRl.
Before we scared him.
He did? It's in your notes.
So he onLy taLks during MRIs and Lumbar punctures? Your theory is he can only talk with a needle in his back or When his wife's not in the room.
The more devoted, the more reason to lie.
That's cynical.
You disagree? No, I'm just kveLLing.
Our little girl is growing up.
Okay, what's the best way to rip a woman from the side of her dying husband? You woke me up to lie to a patient's wife? Tell her there's been a miscommunication over their insurance coverage.
Not a big deal.
Tell me.
If it is your aim to sell me the same crazy ideas that House does, how are you an improvement on House? I brought you a coffee.
Your flight's been boarding for 20 minutes.
I'll take a later one.
Greg, they can't leave without you.
You checked your knapsack.
Are we in? Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Gregory House.
I'm your attending physician.
Your wife's not there.
Start talking.
They took my stain.
I couldn't tackle the bear.
They took my stain.
Okay, shut up now.
Nice work, Cameron.
Give him the list again.
Let us know when something sounds right.
Dirty, soiled, pain, brain Yes.
Where does that get us? We're already paying plenty of attention to his brain.
We've got an MRl, got a CT Are we sure he wasn't reacting to "pain"? He's been on painkillers.
Oh, come on, Chase.
Drugs didn't do this to him, even if he is an addict.
I dissuade the tonal category.
Oh, please, Mr.
Sleeping Pills, Amphetamines, Bring Me Up, Bring Me Down WiLL passenger Gregory House pLease report to Gate 7.
Gregory House to Gate 7.
Ever hear this one? You buiLd a house.
Each waLL has a southern exposure.
A big bear comes wandering by.
What color is the bear? White.
It's a polar bear.
You built your house in the North Pole.
Polar.
Whatever your name is.
Patient! Are you bipolar? What? I can't see.
Is he nodding? Yes.
Topamax isn't just off-label for weight loss.
It's off-label for mood disorders.
Plenty of bipolars are manic in the daytime, depressive at night.
He's been medicating for years with alcohol, sleeping through the bad hours.
It expLains the danger journaLism.
ExpLains everything, incLuding the kitchen sink.
Okay, technicaLLy, it's the kitchen cabinets.
He starts a project, then he stops.
Except bipolar disorder does not cause seizures.
And it doesn't shut down your kidneys.
But what it does do Excuse me, sir.
May I see your ID? I'm on the phone.
I'm on the phone.
Now, pLease.
House? What is it? I'm a doctor.
This is an emergency caLL.
You have to come with me, sir.
I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think you're gonna take me on? I kick and I bite.
You're either on that plane, or you're going into custody.
House? Are you still there? Being bipolar makes you take risks.
You seek excitement, you make up stories.
I dime value tale lever! Fine, maybe your stories are legit.
But people would start to wonder.
Annoyed poLiticians, entire governments wouLd be on your ass.
So you couldn't tell anybody you were bipolar.
Which was fine.
Until you fell in love.
And you wanted that life.
And you hear that there's a surgical cure.
You can give the woman you love the life she wants.
All you have to do is change.
Bilateral cingulotomy.
An experimentaL surgery that some peopLe cLaim heLps mood disorders.
And if it's done by Gamma Knife, there's no trace of cutting.
That's the neural scarring we saw on the MRl.
Which explained nothing, because it wasn't even in the right area.
It's not the surgery, it's the secrecy.
What causes recurring fever, neurological problems, lethargy that you fight with caffeine pills and amphetamines? It wasn't your secret psych disorder.
It wasn't your secret daiLy drug use.
It was your secret trip for your secret surgery in Caracas or Buenos Aires.
Which, by the way, didn't work, given the state of your kitchen cabinets.
House.
Shut up.
What's going on? Is he right? Your doctors know you better than I do.
That man on the speakerphone, he never even met you, and he knows you better than I do.
You love me? Yes.
Yes.
You just don't trust me.
Get some bLood on a sLide.
Do not put it through a computer this time.
Yeah.
Cerebral malaria.
I'll get him started on intravenous quinidine.
If a human being had actually looked at his blood anywhere along the way, instead of just running tests through the computer, the parasites would have jumped right out at them.
Price of the electronic age.
Fletch.
She'll be back.
Give her time to miss you.
FinaL boarding caLL for FLight Number 7 I'm counting on you to get me off the no-fly list.
Is your patient gonna be all right? Physically, his chances are good.
Physically? Two people who weren't meant to be together.
Maybe they'll get a happy ending just because they both want it so much.
Yeah, that's usually the way it works.
He loved her enough to convince himself he could change.
But he couldn't, could he? Thank you.
You know what Woody Allen said about relationships.
Irrational and crazy, but we go through it all because We need the curry.
What could I say? The man was heavily armed.
So, 500 renditions of MargaritaviLLe later My first cover.
Eight thousand words on how Barrelhead and his friends were transporting handguns for sale to New York City.
The day the magazine hit the stands, the DA hit me with a subpoena.
He wanted to know Barrelhead's real name.
And Greta had been managing editor for three whole days.
So she invited me across the street to the fancy bar where they use real glasses.
And after about the sixth vodka and tonic, she said, "Fletch, I want you to know the magazine is behind you.
" Well, I was impressed.
I said, "You think you can get the DA off my back?" And she said, "No, but when you get out of jail, you'll still have a job.
" I'm 45.
I've given up a lot.
I've given up the road, that life Thanks, Elizabeth.
No regrets.
My lovely wife.
I've given up drinking.
I've given up drugs.
Greta taught me there's two things you never give up.
One's rock and roll.
The other's a source.
Greta Sims.
Great memories, Greta.
We'll miss you, Greta.
I only hope you can adjust to the lack of stress in your Fletch? Fletch? Fletcher? Fletch? Fletcher? Fletcher? Honey? Sweetie? Are you okay? Are you okay? I flung the investment.
What did you say? I flung the investment.
Why consign? Why consign? I'll call 911.
It's proficient.
Why disqualify the rush? I'm tabled.
I'm tabled.
Need your advice.
What's the best diagnostics department within 60 miles of here? We are.
Yeah.
"We" aren't here.
House is in Baltimore lying to Medicaid about his billings.
So? I'm board certified.
You are not House.
Why'd you put me in charge of the department if you think I can't handle it? Because it's temporary, and because I was ordered to.
What are the symptoms? Oh, come on.
You're gonna diagnose him without meeting him? Prove that you're as brilliant as House? I need to know the symptoms to know which hospital to recommend.
EMT's report: patient struck his head and is suffering from aphasia.
A neurological problem.
You know, I know a lot of good people in that field, seeing as I happen to be a neurologist.
You're pouting.
Not at all.
Taylor's pretty good.
House was ready to hire him till he got my resume.
It's Fletcher Stone.
Wrote 12 books, exposed three administrations.
Before he exposes us I get it.
Famous patient needs famous doctor.
I'll call Taylor.
Thank you.
Or maybe you should call him.
What if I say something stupid? God.
House is easier.
You taking any drugs? I displaced my function.
Accolade.
He used to drink regularly, but he's been clean and sober for nearly a year.
Mr.
Stone, you think you're speaking normally, but your speech is impaired.
He knows what he wants to say, but when he reaches for a word, he finds something else.
I grapple average.
Tanzer glisten? He doesn't know that he's saying it wrong? It all sounds right to him.
I want you to write your name and draw a face.
It's called agraphia.
Loss of ability to write.
Most often, it's temporary.
How hard did he hit his head? It was a pretty good crack.
It made a really ugly sound.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Of golf.
Don't give me a sentence.
Just say "yes" or "no.
" Do you understand me? Yes.
Elizabeth.
Fletch.
Is he okay? We don't know.
This is Fletch's editor.
Greta Sims.
I wanted to make sure that the EMTs told you the right story.
How many stories are there? He didn't trip.
He just fell.
Out of the blue.
His foot jerked a little bit, first.
That's what made it look like a trip.
Don't say anything.
Don't attempt to defend your billing practices.
Your billing practices are indefensible.
We've been over this.
If I thought you were capable of listening, I'd shut up.
That makes no sense at all.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Every case you have rates a five on the complexity scale? Dr.
House has a rather specialized practice.
Ah.
Okay.
Then let's go through these.
All of these? If you have lunch reservations, cancel them.
All right.
Patient If he didn't trip, something made him fall.
Stroke, seizure? Thirty people saw him trip.
One person says he didn't.
Who are we gonna believe? His symptoms can all be explained by the head trauma.
It causes a contusion or a seizure.
That causes the aphasia.
We should get an EEG.
If it was a stroke, could be a clotting issue.
Even if he fell, drug use is far more likely.
I'm ordering a tox screen.
Chase.
We're not done with the differential.
You're not my boss.
I'm House's boss.
House is your boss.
The math is pretty simple.
Are you signing my paychecks? Are you hiring and firing? This is not about that.
The only thing you've been asked to do is supervise House, in case he does something insane.
Which might, you know, save a life.
Somebody's gotta be in charge.
Why? What, do you think we should all just do whatever we wanna do? Maybe have a race to the diagnosis.
I think it should be a discussion among peers.
I think we're grown-up enough to reach a consensus.
Patient, 62 years old.
You prescribed Viagra.
I look in vain for the words "erectile dysfunction" in the notes for Dolores Smith.
She had a heart condition.
And you ran out of nitroglycerin? She also had low blood pressure, so nitro would be dangerous.
The little blue pills improve blood flow.
They're vasodilators.
That's why you sometimes get headaches.
I think Dr.
House understands Of course I do.
The woman has a heart condition, she's on her own.
A man can't nail his office assistant, it's national crisis time.
Are you seriously expecting us to foot the bill for off-label use of medication? Fine.
I'll pay for it.
How much are the pills? She took how many? Put the money away.
Are you trying to bribe me? No.
I could.
There's an ATM in the lobby.
My client's an idiot.
But is he wrong about the pills? Off-label use is not sanctioned You're retiring in three weeks.
You've been doing this job nearly 20 years.
Aren't you tired of administering policy that you disagree with? I never said I disagree What can they do to you? And Dr.
House is sorry about his earlier outburst.
Absolutely.
You do background checks on Medicaid personnel? I do what's necessary for my client.
Wow.
New personal record.
Yeah.
Timing's good for me, too.
Got a reservation at a little place in the Inner Harbor.
You booked us dinner reservations? Best Maryland crab in Maryland.
Don't you have a plane to catch? Not for hours.
Your flight leaves at 7:00.
You did a background check on me? And mine doesn't leave till 9:00 p.
m.
It looks like you'll be dining alone.
You checked on my flight so you could be sure to be on a different one.
I thought we were past the avoidance stage.
I didn't think we'd be finished this soon.
Where's your crucifix? I left it at the jeweler's to be cleaned.
Right.
This will show us if there's a problem with your carotid artery that might cause a blood clot.
If it went to his brain, it could explain the aphasia and the falling down.
And you're giving him an EEG.
Is that for the same thing? It's just a precaution.
I think the trauma caused some swelling and we need to keep him stable until the body can repair the damage.
And you think they're both wrong? We're just covering all the bases.
We're being safe.
His O2 stats are going down.
Fluid in his lungs.
I'll push 40 IV Lasix.
We need to intubate.
He's losing his respiratory drive.
Put him down.
Put him down.
And then there were two.
Aphasia and fluid in the lungs.
Seizure can't cause both.
Neither can a stroke.
Unless he had an abnormal heart rhythm.
And then there was one.
Urine test was positive for amphetamines.
Amphetamines don't cause pulmonary edema.
They do if you smoke them.
Well, in one of his books, he talked about giving up drugs and alcohol.
How it changed his life.
Everybody lies.
When he started wanting to hear every minute of my day, it should have been a clue he was the jealous type.
But you know, in that first stage of a relationship, where it's like your body's full of these chemicals that make you think everything they do is charming.
Excuse me.
HeLLo.
Hey, honey.
How are the kids? Do they miss me? This may take a minute.
So, what's new with Mr.
Aphasia? Cuddy called you? Everybody covers their ass.
Pulmonary edema.
Chase did a tox screen.
It came back positive for amphetamines.
He did the dance of victory.
I'm betting there's another shoe.
I thought the kids didn't call you.
I know the way you tell stories.
Foreman went to talk to Stone about his drug test, found him running a temperature.
So it's not the drugs.
They've just got such a bad rep.
Honey, you shouldn't do that.
Okay, I gotta hang up.
They're probably trying to reach me.
You don't have call waiting? I'm hanging up on you now.
It's $5 a month.
Drugs don't cause fever.
Encephalitis or meningitis are the obvious suspects.
Start him on antibiotics.
It could be an autoimmune disease.
Lupus, Behcet's We could start him on a high dose of steroids.
Except if he does have encephalitis, steroids could weaken his immune system.
Foreman.
How high a fever? Put me on speakerphone.
And why haven't you called me? What? You think you guys can have a party as soon as the parents are gone, and I won't hear about it? Start with broad-spectrum antibiotics for possibLe bacteriaL meningitis, and an antiviral in case we luck out and it's herpes encephalitis.
What if it's autoimmune? Well, then we're screwed, which is why we need more information.
Any genetic issue with the family? The man can't taLk.
His medicaL records are sketchy.
And the wife's only known him a couple of years.
MRI show anything? The CT scan was negative.
"CT.
" That's like short for "MRl," right? ExceLLent.
That's going to save us a Lot of time.
We've got an MRl scheduled in 20 minutes.
Earliest Foreman could get the machine.
I teach you to lie and cheat and steal, and as soon as my back is turned, you wait in line? Get an MRl and get a better medical history.
The man can't talk! Who cares? He's probably gonna lie anyway.
My flight's a little late, I'll be back in a few hours.
So, you're in charge of us because you're in charge of him? Any family history of neurological problems? No.
Have you been out of the country in the last five years? Yes.
Three years? Yes.
Two years? He stopped traveling for work two years ago, after we got serious.
Any vacations? His last one was six months ago.
This golf resort at Key Biscayne.
No way it was a golf resort.
Knowing Fletch, I assumed he was working his way through every bar in the Keys, a last hurrah before settling down.
Alcohol? No.
Amphetamines? No.
You tested positive.
He doesn't use drugs.
I told you.
When we got engaged, we decided we wanted a different kind of life.
And he dropped the macho journalism.
No more taking crazy chances.
That includes his health.
He asked me not to tell Elizabeth.
So he's been lying to her about his drug habit? Well, yes and no.
BE, before Elizabeth, he used drugs recreationally.
I wasn't crazy about it, but that thrill-seeking behavior is what made him the kind of journalist that he was.
And now? AE? Man's twisted himself into knots for her.
Completely cleaned up his act.
But the drugs? They're medicinal.
Sort of.
He was having trouble sleeping.
This new suburban lifestyle.
Lack of excitement was throwing him off.
So he started with sleeping pills.
When they knocked him out, he needed something to perk him back up during the day.
Every day? No slippery slope there.
Keep the stain! Knife can't force.
We're not gonna tell your wife.
We're not cops.
There's a little edema, brain swelling, and an area of scarring.
Is that what's causing the aphasia? Actually, that's what's odd.
The scarring's not in the area of the brain normally associated with conduction aphasia.
And it's old.
Happened before he hit his head.
Maybe a small stroke or some other underlying condition that could be causing this.
Or it might have nothing to do with it at all.
Have you ever had head trauma before? An accident? Ever had any numbness on one side before? Dizziness? What is the durable? No.
ALL departing passengers for FLight Number 870, the pLane wiLL be deLayed by one haLf-hour.
We apoLogize for any inconvenience.
I got you some coffee.
So, what do you want to talk about? The scarring on the MRl could be anything.
MS, toxins, any one of 100 demyelinating diseases.
If it's meningitis, we have to ID the bug fast.
We need to do a lumbar puncture.
I'm not doing an LP with this edema.
We could paralyze him.
What does House say? "The person you are trying to reach is out of the area or has turned off their phone.
" So, what are your orders? We need more information.
There is no more information.
We'll break into his place.
Have fun.
How's the patient? Fine.
Where are you going? Dinner.
Oh, well, I'll join you, and you can bring me up to speed.
Oh, sorry.
Reservation for two.
When people give themselves away, it's by little things.
That woman over there She's not sneering at her coffee.
She's recovering from Bell's palsy.
And the cashier at the coffee place She doesn't want anyone to know, but she's dying of ALS.
There's a particular sort of twitchy, stiff arm that's characteristic.
And then there's you.
Why aren't you wearing your cross? I told you I left it at You keep jewelry cleaner under the sink so you won't have to go a day without it.
True, you forgot it that morning that our pipes burst, but then you went back and waded through the flood to retrieve it.
So, why no wading today? Didn't you bring a book to read, or something? Nothing.
Caffeine pills and amphetamines.
Same stuff he told us he was taking.
And Topamax.
An anticonvulsant? But he said there was no history of prior seizure.
It's not even prescribed to him.
Still doesn't explain his fever.
He's probably just using it for weight loss.
Just gives us another lie.
He must really be devoted.
Should we check the home? If he wanted to hide something from his wife, why wouldn't he hide it in the office? Or maybe she's hiding something.
Nothing but aspirin and flu meds in the bathroom.
Looks like this stuff's been sitting here for weeks.
Home improvement.
He probably thought he could take the project on, then realized it was a little more than he could handle.
You got a point to make, or did you just feel like giving a long, unnecessary explanation for something medically irrelevant? What happened to the Foreman who always has an answer? The guy who practically wears a sign saying, "I'm as good as House, but I'm nicer.
" I never said that.
I guess it's safe to be confident when House is there to overrule you.
Now that it's all on you It's different.
Yeah.
Either you left it behind on purpose, or by mistake.
The only reason you'd leave it behind intentionally is if it no longer meant anything to you.
But since it was a gift from your mom, that would mean you had a fight with her.
But since you don't talk to ghosts, that's unlikely.
Leave it alone, Greg.
Yeah, I'm good at that.
So that leaves forgetting it unintentionally.
But then we have to explain why you didn't go back for it when you realized I didn't realize until I got to the airport.
Nope.
You were wearing makeup when you got to the airport.
You can't put on makeup without looking at yourself.
You can't look at yourself without touching that thing.
Why does this matter to you? It's an anomaly.
Anomalies bug me.
Then you're gonna suffer.
I think it's his stomach.
I teal indigent.
Was it something you ate? He keeps doing that.
I teal indigent.
Are you hungry? No.
No, he's in pain.
Is it a sharp pain? No.
Teal indigent! Taste? Yes.
A metallic taste? Yes! I'll be right back.
I suppose it's also possible that the clasp broke, but then you'd be carrying the thing around in your purse We had a fight.
We had a fight, and I was angry and not thinking straight, and I walked out without my makeup and without my cross.
I stopped at the drugstore to buy makeup, but I couldn't buy a cross, because they don't have an aisle for personal talismans! So you had a fight.
I'm sure it'll blow over.
It was about nothing.
Of course it was.
Mark's tired.
He's worried.
He's got mobility problems.
It's normal to blow up over little things.
I don't mind fighting over little things.
I didn't mind fighting over big things.
That I could understand.
We fight over nothing.
You know, a mailbox with a sign that says, "Last pickup 5:00 p.
m.
" Does that mean last pickup to go to the post office, or last pickup to leave the post office and be sent out of town? You fought over mail delivery? I tried to get him to drop the subject, but he wouldn't.
I told him he was right.
He thought I was being condescending.
You were.
He's pushing me out of his life.
Maybe you're misinterpreting.
Did I misinterpret with you? At least, this time I recognize it.
That's the benefit of convincing the only two men you've ever loved they're better off without you.
Yeah, it's all your fault.
You know, "Stacy" in the original Greek means "relationship killer.
" I'm going to go wash my face, so I look like a grownup again.
Hello.
It's for you.
House.
Do you know your phone's dead? Do you ever recharge your batteries? They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.
I thought you should know your aphasia guy is tasting metal.
Where's his creatinine? Cameron's got him on dialysis, and he's stable for the moment.
Unlike Cuddy, who's suicidal.
It's either meningitis or encephalitis.
Or maybe autoimmune.
That's perfect.
Seems like you really narrowed it down over dinner.
Here's the plan.
We talk to House.
We've been trying.
He's not answering his cell.
It's obvious we have to do the lumbar puncture.
There's no choice anymore.
You have to do it just right.
What are you talking about? Either you've decided to do a lumbar puncture, or you have to fire me so that I can't fire all of you as soon as I get back in charge.
Is Cuddy there, ranting? If I'd known you'd be out of contact They can handle it.
Right.
So far, only three organ systems have failed.
Okay, they can't.
Doesn't matter.
The guy's not stable enough to move.
So go rant in your own office.
Fine.
Call me when you're done.
What do you mean by doing the LP just right? We're not gonna screw it up.
The odds are, this guy knows something we don't.
He could know the answer to the meaning of life, the man can't communicate! Have you had any indication that he's tried to communicate something important? No.
Well, that's because you guys haven't scared him enough.
I'm sure you've been all, "Oh, we'll take real good care of you.
" Why shouLd he say anything? When you prep him, tell him he's gonna die.
Crush aLL hope.
Don't Let Cameron do it.
Cuddy, you got a problem with any of that? You're scheduled for a lumbar puncture, but you shouldn't count on that having the answers.
If your husband continues to decline You'll die.
If there's anything you haven't told us How you holding up? I know what you just heard is scary as hell, but Couldn't tackle the bear.
Couldn't tackle the bear.
They took my stain.
Attention, pLease.
Due to weather conditions, aLL fLights are grounded tiLL further notice.
Cots are being provided on the Lower LeveL.
We apoLogize for the inconvenience.
I don't believe it.
You want me to run down and reserve you a cot with a view? Where's your knapsack? Checked it through.
That's right.
I forgot.
It's hard for you to carry and walk.
I booked a room at the airport hotel when I saw how bad the weather was.
It's the last one available.
Your leg can't handle a night on a cot.
Thanks.
I'm ready.
Right.
The hotel's upstairs.
Does Mark know about this? Mark knows that when things are bad, I always like to have an escape route planned.
I have to know what's going on here.
Because when you have a fight with Mark and you try to avoid me, then I have to think that That I'm feeling vulnerable, and I don't want to be around you, because it might lead to something.
Right.
But then, a hotel room Might also lead to something.
So, which is it? Our relationship's like an addiction.
It's like Really good drugs? No, it's like Vindaloo curry.
Okay, sure.
Really, really hot Indian curry they make with red chili peppers.
I know what it is.
Didn't think it was addictive.
You're abrasive and annoying, and you come on way too strong.
Like Vindaloo curry.
And when you're crazy about curry, that's fine.
But no matter how much you love curry, you have too much of it, it takes the roof of your mouth off.
And then you never want to see curry for a really, really long time.
But you wake up one day and you think, "God, I really miss curry.
" You're a jerk.
I know.
If you hadn't just had a fight with Mark For once in your life, will you shut up? House.
You're on speakerphone.
How did the LP go? Give me the Reader's Digest condensed version.
PreLiminary resuLts are some kind of infection which narrows it down From infinity, yeah.
At the rate his organs are deteriorating, he's got maybe a day or two.
Okay.
Well, call me back when you have something.
He was trying to teLL us something.
What did he say? You were wrong.
It wasn't the fear.
He opened up to me when I A sympathetic presence after a traumatic moment.
Classic interrogation technique.
What did he say? You knew that I'd Act the way you always do? Yeah, I did.
What did he say? He couldn't tackle the bear.
Now all we need is the English-Aphasic dictionary.
A fluent aphasic retrieves words that are stored somewhere close to the one he wants.
They could be filed by sound or by meanings.
So if he wants to say "table," he could say "label" or he could say "chair.
" Or he could just say "jabberwocky.
" There's no way to tell.
He also said, "They took my stain.
" Hold on.
I'm gonna take this phone downstairs, so I don't disturb you.
Is that okay? Sure.
Keep him talking.
Write down everything he says.
Stacy.
That new makeup you bought, do you mind if I borrow it? What did you mean by "stain"? Dirty, soiled No, no.
What about rhymes? Pain? Brain? Thane? He is dying from some kind of infection, and you all are playing word games? Is there anything else you haven't told us? Let's start this again.
"Bear.
" Is it "bare" as in "naked"? Crimson Desire shows up well on Sheetrock.
That's why I chose it.
You must have gotten one new phrase out of him.
Something.
We've been talking to him for hours.
Maybe he's just given up.
You sure you've told me everything you found at his home and office? No, we're hiding something.
Maybe it's not a rhyme or a synonym.
What else is there? You think we should just start guessing randomly? Maybe House is wrong.
Hope that's not the end of the thought.
He mentioned "stain" once before, when Chase was giving him the MRl.
Before we scared him.
He did? It's in your notes.
So he onLy taLks during MRIs and Lumbar punctures? Your theory is he can only talk with a needle in his back or When his wife's not in the room.
The more devoted, the more reason to lie.
That's cynical.
You disagree? No, I'm just kveLLing.
Our little girl is growing up.
Okay, what's the best way to rip a woman from the side of her dying husband? You woke me up to lie to a patient's wife? Tell her there's been a miscommunication over their insurance coverage.
Not a big deal.
Tell me.
If it is your aim to sell me the same crazy ideas that House does, how are you an improvement on House? I brought you a coffee.
Your flight's been boarding for 20 minutes.
I'll take a later one.
Greg, they can't leave without you.
You checked your knapsack.
Are we in? Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Gregory House.
I'm your attending physician.
Your wife's not there.
Start talking.
They took my stain.
I couldn't tackle the bear.
They took my stain.
Okay, shut up now.
Nice work, Cameron.
Give him the list again.
Let us know when something sounds right.
Dirty, soiled, pain, brain Yes.
Where does that get us? We're already paying plenty of attention to his brain.
We've got an MRl, got a CT Are we sure he wasn't reacting to "pain"? He's been on painkillers.
Oh, come on, Chase.
Drugs didn't do this to him, even if he is an addict.
I dissuade the tonal category.
Oh, please, Mr.
Sleeping Pills, Amphetamines, Bring Me Up, Bring Me Down WiLL passenger Gregory House pLease report to Gate 7.
Gregory House to Gate 7.
Ever hear this one? You buiLd a house.
Each waLL has a southern exposure.
A big bear comes wandering by.
What color is the bear? White.
It's a polar bear.
You built your house in the North Pole.
Polar.
Whatever your name is.
Patient! Are you bipolar? What? I can't see.
Is he nodding? Yes.
Topamax isn't just off-label for weight loss.
It's off-label for mood disorders.
Plenty of bipolars are manic in the daytime, depressive at night.
He's been medicating for years with alcohol, sleeping through the bad hours.
It expLains the danger journaLism.
ExpLains everything, incLuding the kitchen sink.
Okay, technicaLLy, it's the kitchen cabinets.
He starts a project, then he stops.
Except bipolar disorder does not cause seizures.
And it doesn't shut down your kidneys.
But what it does do Excuse me, sir.
May I see your ID? I'm on the phone.
I'm on the phone.
Now, pLease.
House? What is it? I'm a doctor.
This is an emergency caLL.
You have to come with me, sir.
I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think you're gonna take me on? I kick and I bite.
You're either on that plane, or you're going into custody.
House? Are you still there? Being bipolar makes you take risks.
You seek excitement, you make up stories.
I dime value tale lever! Fine, maybe your stories are legit.
But people would start to wonder.
Annoyed poLiticians, entire governments wouLd be on your ass.
So you couldn't tell anybody you were bipolar.
Which was fine.
Until you fell in love.
And you wanted that life.
And you hear that there's a surgical cure.
You can give the woman you love the life she wants.
All you have to do is change.
Bilateral cingulotomy.
An experimentaL surgery that some peopLe cLaim heLps mood disorders.
And if it's done by Gamma Knife, there's no trace of cutting.
That's the neural scarring we saw on the MRl.
Which explained nothing, because it wasn't even in the right area.
It's not the surgery, it's the secrecy.
What causes recurring fever, neurological problems, lethargy that you fight with caffeine pills and amphetamines? It wasn't your secret psych disorder.
It wasn't your secret daiLy drug use.
It was your secret trip for your secret surgery in Caracas or Buenos Aires.
Which, by the way, didn't work, given the state of your kitchen cabinets.
House.
Shut up.
What's going on? Is he right? Your doctors know you better than I do.
That man on the speakerphone, he never even met you, and he knows you better than I do.
You love me? Yes.
Yes.
You just don't trust me.
Get some bLood on a sLide.
Do not put it through a computer this time.
Yeah.
Cerebral malaria.
I'll get him started on intravenous quinidine.
If a human being had actually looked at his blood anywhere along the way, instead of just running tests through the computer, the parasites would have jumped right out at them.
Price of the electronic age.
Fletch.
She'll be back.
Give her time to miss you.
FinaL boarding caLL for FLight Number 7 I'm counting on you to get me off the no-fly list.
Is your patient gonna be all right? Physically, his chances are good.
Physically? Two people who weren't meant to be together.
Maybe they'll get a happy ending just because they both want it so much.
Yeah, that's usually the way it works.
He loved her enough to convince himself he could change.
But he couldn't, could he? Thank you.
You know what Woody Allen said about relationships.
Irrational and crazy, but we go through it all because We need the curry.