Roseanne s02e17 Episode Script
Hair
ROSEANNE, YOU ALL READY TO GO? [CRYING.]
I DON'T WANT TO! I FEEL LIKE A USED PIECE OF GUM THAT SOMEBODY STUCK UNDER THE TABLE, JUST WAITING FOR THE EXCITEMENT OF DRYING UP AND HITTING THE FLOOR.
COME ON, ROSEANNE, COME ON.
YOU GOT TO GET IT UP FOR THIS INTERVIEW.
I CAN'T EVEN GET IT UP TO PUT MY SHOES ON.
COME ON.
UP AND AT 'EM.
[IMITATING A BUGLE.]
I HAVE REACHED AN ALL-TIME LOW.
I QUIT MY JOB AT WELLMAN, I DIDN'T MAKE IT AT PHONE SALES, I GOT FIRED BY SOME ZIT-FACED BRAT AT CHICKEN DIVINE.
NOW I'M ACTUALLY GOING IN TO APPLY FOR A JOB, WHEREIN I WILL MAKE COFFEE, ANSWER PHONES, AND SWEEP THE FLOORS.
YES, BUT THOSE ARE ALL THINGS THAT YOU DO VERY, VERY WELL.
THOSE ARE ALL THINGS THAT I DO AT HOME.
YES, BUT NOW YOU'LL BE GETTING PAID FOR 'EM.
AND BESIDES, YOU MIGHT LIKE THE PEOPLE.
AND THAT CAN ALWAYS MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE.
I'M JUST GETTING YOU BACK OUT IN THE WORLD AGAIN.
VOILA! I LOVE IT.
WHAT DID I TELL YOU? YOU LOOK JUST LIKE EVA GABOR.
OH, STOP.
DOESN'T SHE LOOK JUST LIKE EVA GABOR? I LOVE EVA GABOR.
I TOLD YOU THIS GIRL IS WONDERFUL.
ISN'T SHE WONDERFUL? SHE'S WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I'M WONDERFUL.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO AHEAD AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR NEXT WEEK BEFORE WE GET BOOKED UP? HOW'S THURSDAY LOOK? WIDE OPEN.
MM-HMM.
OH, THANK YOU.
WONDERFUL.
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
HAPPY? OH, I'M ALWAYS HAPPY.
HAVE YOU ALWAYS HAD BLACK HAIR? I'M NOT AT ALL HAPPY WITH WHAT THEY DID TO MY HAIR.
I DON'T BLAME YOU.
HI! AND YOU ARE UH, ROSEANNE CONNER.
DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT? NOT FOR MY HAIR.
MY FRIEND CRYSTAL ANDERSON SAID THAT SHE TALKED TO YOU.
OH, YES.
YOU'RE HERE ABOUT THE JOB.
YEAH, I GUESS.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE? YEAH.
'CAUSE IF THE COFFEE'S NO GOOD, I AIN'T WORKING HERE.
WE DRIP BREW OUR COFFEE BECAUSE THE OTHER WAY MAY RAISE YOUR CHOLESTEROL.
AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING THIS WEEK.
I'M VERY CAREFUL ABOUT MY CHOLESTEROL.
MY HUSBAND ARTHUR DIED OF A HEART ATTACK.
OH, I'M SORRY.
OH, IT WAS HE NEVER EVEN DRANK COFFEE.
THAT'S DEBBI.
THAT'S IRIS.
THIS IS ROSEANNE.
HI.
HI.
HI.
HI.
THAT'S MY STAFF.
I'M MARSHA.
HERE.
SIT DOWN.
SOWHY DON'T YOU TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF? WELL, I'M MARRIED AND I HAVE 3 KIDS.
AND, SO, LIKE, I NEVER CAN COME IN BEFORE 9:00 BECAUSE I HAVE TO GET THEM OFF TO SCHOOL.
AND I CAN'T STAY AFTER 5:00 'CAUSE THEN I HAVE TO GO HOME MAKE DINNER.
WEEKENDS ARE OUT BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY, BESIDES MY KIDS, I HAVE A HUSBAND WHO'S LIKE TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON ME, AND, UM THEN 3, 4 DAYS A MONTH I'M UNBEARABLE.
PERFECT.
CAN YOU START TOMORROW? WHY? 'CAUSE I NEED SOMEONE TO START TOMORROW.
WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M GONNA TAKE THIS JOB.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS JOB.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO APPLIED.
OH, YOU'LL LIKE IT HERE.
LOOK, YOU ALREADY KNOW EVERYONE.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I WOULD JUST KIND OF LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
THINK ABOUT WHAT? IF IT'S THAT MISERABLE, YOU EITHER QUIT OR I UNLOAD YOU.
WELL, AS LONG AS THERE'S SOME KIND OF HUMILIATION AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
Dan: DON'T DRAIN ME DOWN CHAIN ME DOWN OR BRING ME DOWN THE MIRROR'S ALL STEAMED UP.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET READY FOR MY CRAPPY, STINKING NEW CAREER? YOU GOTTA BE POLITE.
BE CHEERFUL.
KILL 'EM WITH A SMILE.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE AND I'M GONNA TELL THAT NICE LADY THAT I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS JOB.
HOW AM I RIGHT? BECAUSE MY ATTITUDE DOES STINK.
HEY, ROSE, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE? YOU'VE BEEN WANTING TO GET BACK TO WORK, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
I DO WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE THIS HELLHOLE THIS PRISON WITHOUT BARS THIS DEN OF INEQUALITY THIS MONKEY ON OUR BACKS.
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT IN THE BEST FRAME OF MIND.
NO, NO, I AM IN A PERFECT FRAME OF MIND.
I'M IN A GREAT FRAME OF MIND.
I'M JUST GONNA GO IN THERE-- EEK! AND I'M GONNA TELL MARSHA THAT I QUIT, AND THAT'S IT.
SEE YA.
ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO-OO [TOILET FLUSHES.]
OH! OH! OH-OH-OH-OH-OH! WHAT TIME WILL MARSHA BE HERE? OH, HER FIRST APPOINTMENT TODAY WON'T BE UNTIL 11:00.
SO WHY DON'T I GO AHEAD AND GIVE YOU THE TOUR.
WELL, I'VE ALREADY SEEN THE COFFEE MAKER, AND I'VE MET ARTHUR.
WELL, BASICALLY, ALL WE NEED IS SOMEBODY TO CATCH THE PHONE, MAKE COFFEE, AND EVERY NOW AND THEN MAKE A PATH ACROSS THE ROOM WITH A PUSH BROOM.
OH, AND CLEAN UP AFTER WORK.
I MEAN, I'M SURE I CAN DO THAT AND EVERYTHING.
I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I REALLY EVEN WANT TO TAKE THIS JOB.
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS CUT? OH, IN MOLINE.
WHY? DON'T YOU LIKE IT? OH, IT'S A GREAT LOOK.
REAL SPORTY.
YOU KNOW PEOPLE IN MOLINE? NO.
JUST MY PARENTS.
YEAH? MY PARENTS ARE BOTH DEAD.
WOW.
COOL.
I AM SO STUPID.
I AM SO, SO STUPID.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM.
HI.
YOU'RE ROSEANNE? YEAH.
HI.
OOH, YOU BIT THESE DOWN TO THE KNUCKLES.
YEAH.
WELL, MY REAL NAILS ARE LONG AND BEAUTIFUL.
THESE STUBS ARE JUST FAKE.
SO WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, DEBBI? EVER BEEN MARRIED, ROSEANNE? YEAH, ONCE, AND IT KEPT DRAGGING ON AND ON AND ON.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 WEEKS, AND IF HE KEEPS THIS UP, IT'S GOING TO BE OVER.
BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS.
THIS IS TORTURE.
I MEAN, MY LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID TO ME? HE TRIED TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD.
YOU POOR THING.
ON PURPOSE.
YOU KNOW, MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS KILLED BY A MORTAR ATTACK.
OH, BUMMER.
I THINK THAT SAYS IT ALL.
UH, WHERE'S THE FILTERS? SO, I TOOK IN MY BUICK.
THEY MAKE ME WAIT.
AND NOT A CLEAN CHAIR TO SIT ON.
FINALLY THE FELLA SAYS, "I'LL GIVE YOU A LOANER.
" WELL, I GET IN THE CAR, NOT ONLY DOESN'T THE HEAT WORK, THE WINDOWS DON'T ROLL ALL THE WAY UP, AND NO RADIO.
I SAW MY WHOLE VILLAGE BURN TO THE GROUND.
OH, MY GOD.
HOW AWFUL.
YEAH, BUT NO RADIO-- I MEAN, THAT'S NO SMALL POTATOES, EITHER.
COULD I HAVE A LITTLE COFFEE? OH, SURE.
I'LL GET IT, MRS.
WELLMAN.
I TAKE IT LIGHT WITH JUST A HALF PACK OF SWEETENER.
OH, AND COULD YOU PUT IN JUST A SOUPCON OF COLD WATER SO I DON'T BURN MY TONGUE.
ANYTHING FOR THE DOG? DIDN'T YOU USED TO WORK FOR ME? YES, I DID.
FOR 11 YEARS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
ROXANNE, ISN'T IT? YEAH.
ROXANNE CONWAY.
CONWAY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HI, MEG.
HOW YOU DOING, HONEY? WELL, I'VE BEEN BETTER, AND NOW I THINK I'M GETTING THIS FLU AMONG OTHER THINGS.
HAVE ROSEANNE'LL GET YOU SOME TEA.
OH, NO, COFFEE IS JUST FINE.
YOU KNOW, I STILL HAVE THIS ROUGH PATCH ON MY HAND HERE.
DID YOU HAVE DEBBI LOOK AT THAT? YEAH, I LOOKED AT IT.
IT'S REALLY GROSS.
DID YOU SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT THIS? OH, I THINK YOU'VE GOT IMPETIGO.
OH, REALLY.
WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A SKIN RASH.
MY KIDS GET IT ALL THE TIME.
IT'S FROM WIPING YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR HAND LIKE THAT.
YOU JUST NEED TO PUT SOME ANTIBIOTIC CREAM ON IT, YOU KNOW, AND THEN-- AND THEN [WHISPERING.]
you know wash your hands every once in a while.
ALL DONE, SWEETIE.
OK, JACQUES.
HERE WE GO.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
I'LL GET IT.
ART'S BEAUTY SHOP.
ART SPEAKING.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? YEAH.
WEDNESDAY? LET ME CHECK THE BOOK.
UHLET'S SEE.
HOW'S 10:00? GREAT.
THANK YOU.
THAT'LL BE 16 EVEN.
THANK YOU, ROXANNE.
NOW, THIS IS FOR IRIS, AND THIS IS FOR YOU.
OH, I COULDN'T ACCEPT THIS.
OH, WHY NOT, ROXANNE? BECAUSE I WORKED FOR YOU FOR 11 YEARS, SO I ALREADY HAVE OF COURSE YOU DO.
SAY GOOD-BYE, JACQUES.
SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE JOB SO FAR? WELL, IT'S JUST LIKE BEING HOME.
I SWEEP, I ANSWER PHONES, AND I DO LAUNDRY.
ROSEANNE, WHERE ARE THE CLEAN TOWELS? AND I LISTEN TO CHILDREN WHINE.
UH, TOP CABINET, LEFT SIDE.
WE THINK YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.
I APPRECIATE THAT, BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT I COULD COME IN HERE FOR JUST HALF A DAY AND GET ALL THIS STUFF DONE.
ARTHUR LIKES HAVING SOMEONE FULL-TIME.
MARSHA ARTHUR'S DEAD.
WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A PROMOTION? I'D HAVE TO SAY NO BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA KEEP THIS JOB.
IT MEANS $2.
00 MORE AN HOUR PLUS TIPS.
TIPS FOR WHAT? SHAMPOOING HEADS.
CAN YOU DO THAT? YEAH, I CAN DO THAT.
I CAN DO ANYTHING.
I'M A CONWAY.
SUSAN NOONAN SAID THAT HER MOTHER SAW YOU SWEEPING UP PEOPLE'S HAIR IN THE BEAUTY PARLOR.
WELL, YOU TELL SUSAN NOONAN THAT I SAW HER MOM GETTING HER ROOTS BLEACHED AND HER MOUSTACHE WAXED.
HEY, BECKY, YOUR MOTHER'S GOT A JOB, OK? SHE'S DOING THE BEST SHE CAN.
ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME? YEAH.
I BOUGHT IT AFTER WORK.
TRES CHIC.
PERFUME? YEAH, YOU KNOW, I FIGURED I DESERVED IT.
SURE YOU DO, BABE.
HEY, WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE DAY.
ACTUALLY, I--I WAS KIND OF CELEBRATING.
I GOT A PROMOTION.
PROMOTION? PROMOTION TO WHAT, SHAMPOO GIRL? WHAT? NOTHING.
WHAT? NEVER MIND.
WHAT? I'M JUST WRONG, THAT'S ALL.
HONEY, I KIND OF EXPECTED YOU WOULD BE SUPPORTIVE.
I WAS WRONG.
OH.
OK, I'M SORRY.
WHAT KIND OF PROMOTION DID YOU GET? SHAMPOO WOMAN.
I STAND CORRECTED.
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
GOOD GOING, MOM.
THANKS, DEEJ.
YEAH.
THAT'S GREAT, HONEY.
FAR CRY FROM SWEEPING HAIR, HUH? I STILL DO THAT.
SO IS THERE A RAISE INVOLVED WITH THIS PROMOTION? YES, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE MONEY.
IT'S KIND OF A-- IT'S KIND OF A PRESTIGE THING.
RIGHT.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE KIND OF LOOK UP TO YOU WHEN YOU'RE SHAMPOOING THEM.
THEY HAVE NO CHOICE.
HEY, IT'S A JOB, RIGHT? IT'S A GOOD JOB.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
IT'S A GOOD JOB.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YOU SAID, "HEY, IT'S A JOB, RIGHT?" I MEANT TO SAY IT'S A GOOD JOB.
GOOD JOB.
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT A GOOD JOB.
IT'S A DEGRADING JOB, BUT NOBODY THERE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IT IS.
THAT'S YOUR JOB.
NICE GOING, D.
J.
WHAT? HEY, ROSEANNE I'M REALLY SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED THIS JOB.
OH, I DON'T LIKE THIS JOB.
YOU LIKED THIS JOB A MINUTE AGO IN THE KITCHEN.
WELL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I LIKE.
I MEAN, I LIKE THE PEOPLE.
I MEAN, I GUESS I LIKE THEM.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW THEM OR NOTHING, BUT I LIKE THEM, AND THEY LIKE ME, AND THAT JUST MAKES SWEEPING UP HAIR NOT SO BAD.
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S A COMPLETELY DEGRADING JOB, AND-- BUT-- BUT I FEEL HAPPY, YOU KNOW, UM THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT KNOWING WHERE I'M GOING WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING AND LIKING THE PEOPLE THAT I WORK WITH AND KNOWING THAT I MAYBE MIGHT GO BACK THERE AGAIN TOMORROW AND KNOWING THAT THEY WANT ME.
I MEAN, I'M HAPPY.
SO WHAT'S THE SECRET, BABE? LOWER STANDARDS? WELL, I JUST DON'T THINK MY STANDARDS COULD GET ANY LOWER THAN YOU, AND I MARRIED YOU.
AAH! YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, I NEVER IMAGINED IN MY WHOLE LIFE THAT I'D HAVE YOU WASHING MY HAIR.
WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT HOLDING YOUR HEAD UNDER WATER MORE THAN ONCE.
OK, GO AHEAD AND SIT UP.
OK.
YEAH.
MARSHA'S READY FOR YOU.
CRYSTAL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT'S A TIP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
BUT I WANT TO, ROSEANNE.
IF IT WAS ANYBODY ELSE, I'D TIP THEM.
WELL, JUST KEEP IT, ROSEANNE, OK? BUT LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, CRYSTAL.
ARE YOU GOING TO COME IN HERE EVERY WEEK AND DO THIS? WELL, I JUST MIGHT.
WELLLET'S MAKE YOU ANOTHER APPOINTMENT.
CRYSTAL, I REALLY WANT TO THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GET THIS JOB.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR, ROSEANNE, TO BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER.
THINK OF ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.
AND YOU THINK 10 BUCKS IS GOING TO EVEN IT? YOU SILLY.
LET'S GO SIT DOWN.
MARSHA'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
REALLY? UH-HUH.
EVERYBODY HERE LOVES YOU.
SHE TOLD ME.
I'M JUST SO PROUD OF YOU, ROSEANNE.
CRYSTAL, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, YOU-- YOU'RE--YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
WELL, NO, I'M NOT, EITHER.
YOUR SISTER IS, BUT-- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, IRIS, I LOVE WHAT YOU DID LAST WEEK, BUT I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
CAN YOU MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THAT? OH, I'M SURE YOU CAN, IRIS.
I'LL GO GET THE WAND.
CRYSTAL, HOW YOU DOING, HONEY? I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO WAIT.
THAT'S OK.
MARSHA, I'M GONNA GO OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP AND PICK UP THE LUNCHES NOW.
ARTHUR ALWAYS SAYS LUNCH IS THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.
UH-HUH.
DAN'S COMING BY WITH MY KIDS 'CAUSE IRIS IS GOING TO CUT THEIR HAIR FOR ME.
I'LL SEE YA.
WAIT TILL YOU MEET DAN.
HE'S REAL NICE.
HE'S JUST LIKE A GREAT BIG OLD TEDDY BEAR.
HEY, CRYSTAL, I TRIED THAT NATURAL CLAY FACIAL MASK SAMPLE YOU GAVE ME.
UH-HUH.
THAT STUFF WORKS.
WHAT I TELL YOU.
MY SKIN FEELS SO CREAMY SMOOTH.
AND IT GETS ALL THE GUNK OUT OF THOSE LITTLE CLOGGED PORES.
I NEED TO FIND A NEW DEODORANT.
I'M GETTING ALL THIS CHAFING.
HI, DAN.
HI, CRYSTAL.
IS ROSEANNE AROUND? SHE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HI.
I'M MARSHA.
DAN HAS GREAT SKIN.
HI, MARSHA.
I HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.
THAT MUST BE ARTHUR.
HEY, KIDS, I'M GONNA BE A COUPLE MINUTES, SO WHY DON'T YOU GUYS TEAR THE PLACE APART.
I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STICK AROUND.
WE'LL KEEP AN EYE ON THE KIDS.
WELL, YEAH, I KIND OF BETTER WAIT FOR ROSEANNE.
ARE YOU ROSEANNE'S HUSBAND? YES, MA'AM.
OH, HE'S CUTE.
HE'S HE'S VERY CUTE.
YEAH, BUT YOU NEED TO LOSE A LITTLE WEIGHT.
YOU'RE SO HANDSOME.
DON'T YOU THINK HE'S HANDSOME? MY NEPHEW IN BALTIMORE JUST LOST 60 POUNDS ON THAT COTTAGE CHEESE AND BANANA DIET.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY HEALTHY.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO NEXT DOOR TO THE HARDWARE STORE.
JUST TELL ROSIE I'LL BE-- SIT DOWN.
SHE'LL BE BACK IN 2 MINUTES.
THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU CUT YOUR HAIR SHORTER IN THE FRONT AND LET IT GROW A LITTLE IN THE BACK, YOUR NECK WOULD LOOK LONGER.
I'M GONNA GO TO THE HARDWARE STORE.
IT'S NOT HOT ENOUGH! THAT'S 'CAUSE IT'S NOT ON.
OH.
I WAS RIGHT THEN.
YOU KNOW, YOUR LITTLE BOY LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.
IT'S THE HAIR.
IT'S THE HAIR.
NO, I THINK IT'S THE EYES.
HE HAS VERY DARK EYES.
YOU GOT SWEET KIDS, ROSIE.
IS IT OK IF I CALL YOU ROSIE? YEAH.
DAN CALLS ME ROSIE.
ARTHUR USED TO CALL ME CHERYL.
NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF MY BUSINESS, MARSHA, BUT HOW LONG WERE YOU AND ARTHUR MARRIED? TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T MARRIED TO HIM LONGER.
MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED HIM SO BAD.
ARE WE READY TO CLOSE UP HERE? MY FIRST CLIENT'S ISN'T TILL NOON, SO I'M GONNA COME IN LATE.
I THINK I'M GOING TO RUN A BIGGER AD THIS WEEKEND.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK'S A GOOD IDEA? YOU OUGHTA RUN AN AD IN ONE OF THOSE HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPERS.
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THOSE GIRLS HAVE HAIR.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
ISN'T THAT A GREAT IDEA? YEAH, IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
I'LL CALL IN THE MORNING.
ROSEANNE, HAVE YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT THIS JOB YET? YEAH, I HATE IT.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU HATE IT, HONEY, BUT ARE YOU GONNA STAY WITH US? YEAH.
YEAH, I AM.
BUT I HOPE IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER 'CAUSE THEN I'D HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
SO WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW? YEAH.
I'LL BE HERE.
BYE-BYE.
BYE.
BYE.
GOOD NIGHT, ARTHUR.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
I DON'T WANT TO! I FEEL LIKE A USED PIECE OF GUM THAT SOMEBODY STUCK UNDER THE TABLE, JUST WAITING FOR THE EXCITEMENT OF DRYING UP AND HITTING THE FLOOR.
COME ON, ROSEANNE, COME ON.
YOU GOT TO GET IT UP FOR THIS INTERVIEW.
I CAN'T EVEN GET IT UP TO PUT MY SHOES ON.
COME ON.
UP AND AT 'EM.
[IMITATING A BUGLE.]
I HAVE REACHED AN ALL-TIME LOW.
I QUIT MY JOB AT WELLMAN, I DIDN'T MAKE IT AT PHONE SALES, I GOT FIRED BY SOME ZIT-FACED BRAT AT CHICKEN DIVINE.
NOW I'M ACTUALLY GOING IN TO APPLY FOR A JOB, WHEREIN I WILL MAKE COFFEE, ANSWER PHONES, AND SWEEP THE FLOORS.
YES, BUT THOSE ARE ALL THINGS THAT YOU DO VERY, VERY WELL.
THOSE ARE ALL THINGS THAT I DO AT HOME.
YES, BUT NOW YOU'LL BE GETTING PAID FOR 'EM.
AND BESIDES, YOU MIGHT LIKE THE PEOPLE.
AND THAT CAN ALWAYS MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE.
I'M JUST GETTING YOU BACK OUT IN THE WORLD AGAIN.
VOILA! I LOVE IT.
WHAT DID I TELL YOU? YOU LOOK JUST LIKE EVA GABOR.
OH, STOP.
DOESN'T SHE LOOK JUST LIKE EVA GABOR? I LOVE EVA GABOR.
I TOLD YOU THIS GIRL IS WONDERFUL.
ISN'T SHE WONDERFUL? SHE'S WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
YOU'RE ALL WONDERFUL.
I'M WONDERFUL.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO AHEAD AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR NEXT WEEK BEFORE WE GET BOOKED UP? HOW'S THURSDAY LOOK? WIDE OPEN.
MM-HMM.
OH, THANK YOU.
WONDERFUL.
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
HAPPY? OH, I'M ALWAYS HAPPY.
HAVE YOU ALWAYS HAD BLACK HAIR? I'M NOT AT ALL HAPPY WITH WHAT THEY DID TO MY HAIR.
I DON'T BLAME YOU.
HI! AND YOU ARE UH, ROSEANNE CONNER.
DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT? NOT FOR MY HAIR.
MY FRIEND CRYSTAL ANDERSON SAID THAT SHE TALKED TO YOU.
OH, YES.
YOU'RE HERE ABOUT THE JOB.
YEAH, I GUESS.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE? YEAH.
'CAUSE IF THE COFFEE'S NO GOOD, I AIN'T WORKING HERE.
WE DRIP BREW OUR COFFEE BECAUSE THE OTHER WAY MAY RAISE YOUR CHOLESTEROL.
AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING THIS WEEK.
I'M VERY CAREFUL ABOUT MY CHOLESTEROL.
MY HUSBAND ARTHUR DIED OF A HEART ATTACK.
OH, I'M SORRY.
OH, IT WAS HE NEVER EVEN DRANK COFFEE.
THAT'S DEBBI.
THAT'S IRIS.
THIS IS ROSEANNE.
HI.
HI.
HI.
HI.
THAT'S MY STAFF.
I'M MARSHA.
HERE.
SIT DOWN.
SOWHY DON'T YOU TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF? WELL, I'M MARRIED AND I HAVE 3 KIDS.
AND, SO, LIKE, I NEVER CAN COME IN BEFORE 9:00 BECAUSE I HAVE TO GET THEM OFF TO SCHOOL.
AND I CAN'T STAY AFTER 5:00 'CAUSE THEN I HAVE TO GO HOME MAKE DINNER.
WEEKENDS ARE OUT BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY, BESIDES MY KIDS, I HAVE A HUSBAND WHO'S LIKE TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON ME, AND, UM THEN 3, 4 DAYS A MONTH I'M UNBEARABLE.
PERFECT.
CAN YOU START TOMORROW? WHY? 'CAUSE I NEED SOMEONE TO START TOMORROW.
WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M GONNA TAKE THIS JOB.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS JOB.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO APPLIED.
OH, YOU'LL LIKE IT HERE.
LOOK, YOU ALREADY KNOW EVERYONE.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I WOULD JUST KIND OF LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
THINK ABOUT WHAT? IF IT'S THAT MISERABLE, YOU EITHER QUIT OR I UNLOAD YOU.
WELL, AS LONG AS THERE'S SOME KIND OF HUMILIATION AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
Dan: DON'T DRAIN ME DOWN CHAIN ME DOWN OR BRING ME DOWN THE MIRROR'S ALL STEAMED UP.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET READY FOR MY CRAPPY, STINKING NEW CAREER? YOU GOTTA BE POLITE.
BE CHEERFUL.
KILL 'EM WITH A SMILE.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE AND I'M GONNA TELL THAT NICE LADY THAT I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS JOB.
HOW AM I RIGHT? BECAUSE MY ATTITUDE DOES STINK.
HEY, ROSE, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE? YOU'VE BEEN WANTING TO GET BACK TO WORK, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
I DO WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE THIS HELLHOLE THIS PRISON WITHOUT BARS THIS DEN OF INEQUALITY THIS MONKEY ON OUR BACKS.
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT IN THE BEST FRAME OF MIND.
NO, NO, I AM IN A PERFECT FRAME OF MIND.
I'M IN A GREAT FRAME OF MIND.
I'M JUST GONNA GO IN THERE-- EEK! AND I'M GONNA TELL MARSHA THAT I QUIT, AND THAT'S IT.
SEE YA.
ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO-OO [TOILET FLUSHES.]
OH! OH! OH-OH-OH-OH-OH! WHAT TIME WILL MARSHA BE HERE? OH, HER FIRST APPOINTMENT TODAY WON'T BE UNTIL 11:00.
SO WHY DON'T I GO AHEAD AND GIVE YOU THE TOUR.
WELL, I'VE ALREADY SEEN THE COFFEE MAKER, AND I'VE MET ARTHUR.
WELL, BASICALLY, ALL WE NEED IS SOMEBODY TO CATCH THE PHONE, MAKE COFFEE, AND EVERY NOW AND THEN MAKE A PATH ACROSS THE ROOM WITH A PUSH BROOM.
OH, AND CLEAN UP AFTER WORK.
I MEAN, I'M SURE I CAN DO THAT AND EVERYTHING.
I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I REALLY EVEN WANT TO TAKE THIS JOB.
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS CUT? OH, IN MOLINE.
WHY? DON'T YOU LIKE IT? OH, IT'S A GREAT LOOK.
REAL SPORTY.
YOU KNOW PEOPLE IN MOLINE? NO.
JUST MY PARENTS.
YEAH? MY PARENTS ARE BOTH DEAD.
WOW.
COOL.
I AM SO STUPID.
I AM SO, SO STUPID.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM.
HI.
YOU'RE ROSEANNE? YEAH.
HI.
OOH, YOU BIT THESE DOWN TO THE KNUCKLES.
YEAH.
WELL, MY REAL NAILS ARE LONG AND BEAUTIFUL.
THESE STUBS ARE JUST FAKE.
SO WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, DEBBI? EVER BEEN MARRIED, ROSEANNE? YEAH, ONCE, AND IT KEPT DRAGGING ON AND ON AND ON.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 WEEKS, AND IF HE KEEPS THIS UP, IT'S GOING TO BE OVER.
BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS.
THIS IS TORTURE.
I MEAN, MY LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID TO ME? HE TRIED TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD.
YOU POOR THING.
ON PURPOSE.
YOU KNOW, MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS KILLED BY A MORTAR ATTACK.
OH, BUMMER.
I THINK THAT SAYS IT ALL.
UH, WHERE'S THE FILTERS? SO, I TOOK IN MY BUICK.
THEY MAKE ME WAIT.
AND NOT A CLEAN CHAIR TO SIT ON.
FINALLY THE FELLA SAYS, "I'LL GIVE YOU A LOANER.
" WELL, I GET IN THE CAR, NOT ONLY DOESN'T THE HEAT WORK, THE WINDOWS DON'T ROLL ALL THE WAY UP, AND NO RADIO.
I SAW MY WHOLE VILLAGE BURN TO THE GROUND.
OH, MY GOD.
HOW AWFUL.
YEAH, BUT NO RADIO-- I MEAN, THAT'S NO SMALL POTATOES, EITHER.
COULD I HAVE A LITTLE COFFEE? OH, SURE.
I'LL GET IT, MRS.
WELLMAN.
I TAKE IT LIGHT WITH JUST A HALF PACK OF SWEETENER.
OH, AND COULD YOU PUT IN JUST A SOUPCON OF COLD WATER SO I DON'T BURN MY TONGUE.
ANYTHING FOR THE DOG? DIDN'T YOU USED TO WORK FOR ME? YES, I DID.
FOR 11 YEARS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
ROXANNE, ISN'T IT? YEAH.
ROXANNE CONWAY.
CONWAY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HI, MEG.
HOW YOU DOING, HONEY? WELL, I'VE BEEN BETTER, AND NOW I THINK I'M GETTING THIS FLU AMONG OTHER THINGS.
HAVE ROSEANNE'LL GET YOU SOME TEA.
OH, NO, COFFEE IS JUST FINE.
YOU KNOW, I STILL HAVE THIS ROUGH PATCH ON MY HAND HERE.
DID YOU HAVE DEBBI LOOK AT THAT? YEAH, I LOOKED AT IT.
IT'S REALLY GROSS.
DID YOU SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT THIS? OH, I THINK YOU'VE GOT IMPETIGO.
OH, REALLY.
WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A SKIN RASH.
MY KIDS GET IT ALL THE TIME.
IT'S FROM WIPING YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR HAND LIKE THAT.
YOU JUST NEED TO PUT SOME ANTIBIOTIC CREAM ON IT, YOU KNOW, AND THEN-- AND THEN [WHISPERING.]
you know wash your hands every once in a while.
ALL DONE, SWEETIE.
OK, JACQUES.
HERE WE GO.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
I'LL GET IT.
ART'S BEAUTY SHOP.
ART SPEAKING.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? YEAH.
WEDNESDAY? LET ME CHECK THE BOOK.
UHLET'S SEE.
HOW'S 10:00? GREAT.
THANK YOU.
THAT'LL BE 16 EVEN.
THANK YOU, ROXANNE.
NOW, THIS IS FOR IRIS, AND THIS IS FOR YOU.
OH, I COULDN'T ACCEPT THIS.
OH, WHY NOT, ROXANNE? BECAUSE I WORKED FOR YOU FOR 11 YEARS, SO I ALREADY HAVE OF COURSE YOU DO.
SAY GOOD-BYE, JACQUES.
SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE JOB SO FAR? WELL, IT'S JUST LIKE BEING HOME.
I SWEEP, I ANSWER PHONES, AND I DO LAUNDRY.
ROSEANNE, WHERE ARE THE CLEAN TOWELS? AND I LISTEN TO CHILDREN WHINE.
UH, TOP CABINET, LEFT SIDE.
WE THINK YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.
I APPRECIATE THAT, BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT I COULD COME IN HERE FOR JUST HALF A DAY AND GET ALL THIS STUFF DONE.
ARTHUR LIKES HAVING SOMEONE FULL-TIME.
MARSHA ARTHUR'S DEAD.
WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A PROMOTION? I'D HAVE TO SAY NO BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA KEEP THIS JOB.
IT MEANS $2.
00 MORE AN HOUR PLUS TIPS.
TIPS FOR WHAT? SHAMPOOING HEADS.
CAN YOU DO THAT? YEAH, I CAN DO THAT.
I CAN DO ANYTHING.
I'M A CONWAY.
SUSAN NOONAN SAID THAT HER MOTHER SAW YOU SWEEPING UP PEOPLE'S HAIR IN THE BEAUTY PARLOR.
WELL, YOU TELL SUSAN NOONAN THAT I SAW HER MOM GETTING HER ROOTS BLEACHED AND HER MOUSTACHE WAXED.
HEY, BECKY, YOUR MOTHER'S GOT A JOB, OK? SHE'S DOING THE BEST SHE CAN.
ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME? YEAH.
I BOUGHT IT AFTER WORK.
TRES CHIC.
PERFUME? YEAH, YOU KNOW, I FIGURED I DESERVED IT.
SURE YOU DO, BABE.
HEY, WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE DAY.
ACTUALLY, I--I WAS KIND OF CELEBRATING.
I GOT A PROMOTION.
PROMOTION? PROMOTION TO WHAT, SHAMPOO GIRL? WHAT? NOTHING.
WHAT? NEVER MIND.
WHAT? I'M JUST WRONG, THAT'S ALL.
HONEY, I KIND OF EXPECTED YOU WOULD BE SUPPORTIVE.
I WAS WRONG.
OH.
OK, I'M SORRY.
WHAT KIND OF PROMOTION DID YOU GET? SHAMPOO WOMAN.
I STAND CORRECTED.
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
GOOD GOING, MOM.
THANKS, DEEJ.
YEAH.
THAT'S GREAT, HONEY.
FAR CRY FROM SWEEPING HAIR, HUH? I STILL DO THAT.
SO IS THERE A RAISE INVOLVED WITH THIS PROMOTION? YES, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE MONEY.
IT'S KIND OF A-- IT'S KIND OF A PRESTIGE THING.
RIGHT.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE KIND OF LOOK UP TO YOU WHEN YOU'RE SHAMPOOING THEM.
THEY HAVE NO CHOICE.
HEY, IT'S A JOB, RIGHT? IT'S A GOOD JOB.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
IT'S A GOOD JOB.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YOU SAID, "HEY, IT'S A JOB, RIGHT?" I MEANT TO SAY IT'S A GOOD JOB.
GOOD JOB.
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT A GOOD JOB.
IT'S A DEGRADING JOB, BUT NOBODY THERE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IT IS.
THAT'S YOUR JOB.
NICE GOING, D.
J.
WHAT? HEY, ROSEANNE I'M REALLY SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED THIS JOB.
OH, I DON'T LIKE THIS JOB.
YOU LIKED THIS JOB A MINUTE AGO IN THE KITCHEN.
WELL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I LIKE.
I MEAN, I LIKE THE PEOPLE.
I MEAN, I GUESS I LIKE THEM.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW THEM OR NOTHING, BUT I LIKE THEM, AND THEY LIKE ME, AND THAT JUST MAKES SWEEPING UP HAIR NOT SO BAD.
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S A COMPLETELY DEGRADING JOB, AND-- BUT-- BUT I FEEL HAPPY, YOU KNOW, UM THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT KNOWING WHERE I'M GOING WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING AND LIKING THE PEOPLE THAT I WORK WITH AND KNOWING THAT I MAYBE MIGHT GO BACK THERE AGAIN TOMORROW AND KNOWING THAT THEY WANT ME.
I MEAN, I'M HAPPY.
SO WHAT'S THE SECRET, BABE? LOWER STANDARDS? WELL, I JUST DON'T THINK MY STANDARDS COULD GET ANY LOWER THAN YOU, AND I MARRIED YOU.
AAH! YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, I NEVER IMAGINED IN MY WHOLE LIFE THAT I'D HAVE YOU WASHING MY HAIR.
WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT HOLDING YOUR HEAD UNDER WATER MORE THAN ONCE.
OK, GO AHEAD AND SIT UP.
OK.
YEAH.
MARSHA'S READY FOR YOU.
CRYSTAL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT'S A TIP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
BUT I WANT TO, ROSEANNE.
IF IT WAS ANYBODY ELSE, I'D TIP THEM.
WELL, JUST KEEP IT, ROSEANNE, OK? BUT LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, CRYSTAL.
ARE YOU GOING TO COME IN HERE EVERY WEEK AND DO THIS? WELL, I JUST MIGHT.
WELLLET'S MAKE YOU ANOTHER APPOINTMENT.
CRYSTAL, I REALLY WANT TO THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GET THIS JOB.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR, ROSEANNE, TO BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER.
THINK OF ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.
AND YOU THINK 10 BUCKS IS GOING TO EVEN IT? YOU SILLY.
LET'S GO SIT DOWN.
MARSHA'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
REALLY? UH-HUH.
EVERYBODY HERE LOVES YOU.
SHE TOLD ME.
I'M JUST SO PROUD OF YOU, ROSEANNE.
CRYSTAL, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, YOU-- YOU'RE--YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
WELL, NO, I'M NOT, EITHER.
YOUR SISTER IS, BUT-- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, IRIS, I LOVE WHAT YOU DID LAST WEEK, BUT I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
CAN YOU MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THAT? OH, I'M SURE YOU CAN, IRIS.
I'LL GO GET THE WAND.
CRYSTAL, HOW YOU DOING, HONEY? I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO WAIT.
THAT'S OK.
MARSHA, I'M GONNA GO OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP AND PICK UP THE LUNCHES NOW.
ARTHUR ALWAYS SAYS LUNCH IS THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.
UH-HUH.
DAN'S COMING BY WITH MY KIDS 'CAUSE IRIS IS GOING TO CUT THEIR HAIR FOR ME.
I'LL SEE YA.
WAIT TILL YOU MEET DAN.
HE'S REAL NICE.
HE'S JUST LIKE A GREAT BIG OLD TEDDY BEAR.
HEY, CRYSTAL, I TRIED THAT NATURAL CLAY FACIAL MASK SAMPLE YOU GAVE ME.
UH-HUH.
THAT STUFF WORKS.
WHAT I TELL YOU.
MY SKIN FEELS SO CREAMY SMOOTH.
AND IT GETS ALL THE GUNK OUT OF THOSE LITTLE CLOGGED PORES.
I NEED TO FIND A NEW DEODORANT.
I'M GETTING ALL THIS CHAFING.
HI, DAN.
HI, CRYSTAL.
IS ROSEANNE AROUND? SHE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HI.
I'M MARSHA.
DAN HAS GREAT SKIN.
HI, MARSHA.
I HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.
THAT MUST BE ARTHUR.
HEY, KIDS, I'M GONNA BE A COUPLE MINUTES, SO WHY DON'T YOU GUYS TEAR THE PLACE APART.
I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STICK AROUND.
WE'LL KEEP AN EYE ON THE KIDS.
WELL, YEAH, I KIND OF BETTER WAIT FOR ROSEANNE.
ARE YOU ROSEANNE'S HUSBAND? YES, MA'AM.
OH, HE'S CUTE.
HE'S HE'S VERY CUTE.
YEAH, BUT YOU NEED TO LOSE A LITTLE WEIGHT.
YOU'RE SO HANDSOME.
DON'T YOU THINK HE'S HANDSOME? MY NEPHEW IN BALTIMORE JUST LOST 60 POUNDS ON THAT COTTAGE CHEESE AND BANANA DIET.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY HEALTHY.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO NEXT DOOR TO THE HARDWARE STORE.
JUST TELL ROSIE I'LL BE-- SIT DOWN.
SHE'LL BE BACK IN 2 MINUTES.
THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU CUT YOUR HAIR SHORTER IN THE FRONT AND LET IT GROW A LITTLE IN THE BACK, YOUR NECK WOULD LOOK LONGER.
I'M GONNA GO TO THE HARDWARE STORE.
IT'S NOT HOT ENOUGH! THAT'S 'CAUSE IT'S NOT ON.
OH.
I WAS RIGHT THEN.
YOU KNOW, YOUR LITTLE BOY LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.
IT'S THE HAIR.
IT'S THE HAIR.
NO, I THINK IT'S THE EYES.
HE HAS VERY DARK EYES.
YOU GOT SWEET KIDS, ROSIE.
IS IT OK IF I CALL YOU ROSIE? YEAH.
DAN CALLS ME ROSIE.
ARTHUR USED TO CALL ME CHERYL.
NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF MY BUSINESS, MARSHA, BUT HOW LONG WERE YOU AND ARTHUR MARRIED? TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T MARRIED TO HIM LONGER.
MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED HIM SO BAD.
ARE WE READY TO CLOSE UP HERE? MY FIRST CLIENT'S ISN'T TILL NOON, SO I'M GONNA COME IN LATE.
I THINK I'M GOING TO RUN A BIGGER AD THIS WEEKEND.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK'S A GOOD IDEA? YOU OUGHTA RUN AN AD IN ONE OF THOSE HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPERS.
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THOSE GIRLS HAVE HAIR.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
ISN'T THAT A GREAT IDEA? YEAH, IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
I'LL CALL IN THE MORNING.
ROSEANNE, HAVE YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT THIS JOB YET? YEAH, I HATE IT.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU HATE IT, HONEY, BUT ARE YOU GONNA STAY WITH US? YEAH.
YEAH, I AM.
BUT I HOPE IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER 'CAUSE THEN I'D HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
SO WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW? YEAH.
I'LL BE HERE.
BYE-BYE.
BYE.
BYE.
GOOD NIGHT, ARTHUR.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL