Roseanne s02e18 Episode Script
I'm Hungry
MEG, ROSIE'S DOWN AT THE COFFEE SHOP GETTING LUNCHES.
I CAN JUST PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER.
YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE SOMETHING? PLEASE, MARSHA, I'M TRYING TO DIET.
I JUST LOST 3 POUNDS.
CHOW TIME.
I ONCE LOST 42 POUNDS.
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
HOW? COMMUNIST GUERRILLAS LOCKED ME IN A BAMBOO CAGE FOR 6 MONTHS.
YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU GET IRRITABLE? ONLY FOR THE FIRST MONTH.
TURKEY SANDWICH.
WITH NOTHING ON IT? THERE'S SOME TURKEY ON IT, BUT I'LL BET YOU COULD SCRAPE IT OFF.
THEIR TURKEY'S VERY FRESH.
THEIR CHICKEN, TOO.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
WOMEN GO THROUGH THIS POULTRY PHASE.
YOU ARE RIGHT, ROXANNE.
WHEN I WAS IN MY 30s, I ATE NOTHING BUT TURKEY, CHICKEN, AND TUNA.
I LIVED ON TUNA.
WELL, TUNA ISN'T EXACTLY POULTRY, BUT IT'S VERY LIKE POULTRY.
I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME KIND OF DRESSING ON IT, OR IT TASTES LIKECLOTH.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, JACQUES? TOSSED GREEN, LEMON.
THANKS.
LUCKY YOU.
DIDN'T YOU ORDER LUNCH, DEBBIE? NO.
MY EATING HAS GOTTEN COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.
I MEAN, I'VE BEEN HAVING BREAKFAST, THEN LUNCH, AND THEN I HAVE DINNER.
WELL, YOU JUST DESCRIBED MY MORNING.
YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE.
IT'S A SHAME YOU KEEP IT HIDDEN BY ALL THAT EXTRA WEIGHT.
ROSEANNE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT KEEPING SLIM.
DAN'S CRAZY ABOUT HER NO MATTER HOW SHE LOOKS.
THANKS, CRYSTAL.
OH, I'M SORRY, ROSEANNE.
I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO SOUND LIKE-- UH, WELL, IT'S JUST SHE'S SO HAPPILY MARRIED, AND YOU'RE JUST NOT ON THE MARKET ANYMORE IS ALL I MEANT.
NO, CRYSTAL.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DO NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'M GONNA START NOW BY PICKING A DAY NEXT WEEK TO GO ON A DIET.
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT WEEK'S BAD.
MARCH IS OUT.
OW! I MUST HAVE PUT THESE PANTS IN THE DRYER! AAH! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? MY PANTS SHRANK.
HOW DARE THEY.
OH, I GUESS THEY DIDN'T SHRINK.
I JUST GREW.
I THINK WE'VE GROWN TOGETHER, I HOPE.
WE GOT TO GO ON A DIET.
WHAT'S THIS "WE" JAZZ? MY PANTS FIT FINE.
WELL, MY PANTS DON'T FIT ME.
WELL, YOUR PANTS DON'T FIT ME EITHER.
HA HA HA, DAN.
LET'S BURN THE WEIGHT OFF WITH HUMOR.
LOOK AT YOURSELF.
YOU ARE TOO FAT! YOU'VE GOT TO GO ON A DIET.
YOU GO ON A DIET.
I'M GOING TO DINNER.
YOU GOT TO MOVE, DEEJ.
MAKE ME.
HOW ABOUT A KISS, HOT STUFF? I'M OUT OF HERE! GO WASH YOUR HANDS.
A LITTLE SUGAR-FREE, MY PET? I'M SERIOUS, DAN.
WE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE EATING ALL THIS FRIED STUFF.
YOU GUYS GOING ON A DIET AGAIN? NO.
YES.
SO I GUESS THIS MEANS WE'RE GONNA HAVE ROAST CHICKEN FOR 3 NIGHTS UNTIL THEY GET BACK TO REALITY.
WE'RE GONNA LOOK BETTER, AND WE'RE GONNA FEEL BETTER.
WE WON'T EAT BETTER.
YOU KNOW HOW WE HATE BEING LIKE THIS.
HEY, ROSEANNE, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE DON'T GO OUT A LOT.
WE DON'T HAVE A BIG HOUSE.
FOOD IS THE ONE LUXURY WE CAN AFFORD.
WELL, FOOD AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE A LUXURY, DAN.
I MEAN, IT'S SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOU ALIVE.
IT AIN'T SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? YOU THINK YOUR MOM NEEDS TO LOSE WEIGHT? NO.
I LIKE YOU MUSHY.
YOU COULD STAND TO LOSE A FEW, MOM.
I DIDN'T ASK YOU.
I KNOW.
DAD DID.
WELL, YOUR DAD REALLY SHOULDN'T TALK.
MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO GET HEAVY WHEN THEY GET OLDER.
THEY ALL DO.
BUT IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD ON WOMEN.
WELL, THAT IS ABOUT THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE EVER SAID.
AW, FACE IT.
YOU'RE BOTH TANKS.
HEY, YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.
IT'S YOUR FAULT I GOT FAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
OH, RIGHT.
LIKE I INVENTED DOUBLE DUTCH CHOCOLATE.
NO, BUT I GAINED 20 POUNDS WITH THAT PREGNANCY.
ME, TOO.
OK, 40 POUNDS WITH EACH KID.
ME, TOO.
REMEMBER WHEN I WAS THIN AND BEAUTIFUL? HONEY, YOU'RE STILL BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'VE HAD 3 BEAUTIFUL KIDS.
WELL, I CAN'T USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE FOREVER.
SURE YOU CAN.
NO, I CAN'T USE THAT FOREVER.
A COUPLE OF MORE YEARS, MAX, BUT NOT FOREVER.
BESIDES, I'M GOING ON A DIET, DAN.
I'M STARTING RIGHT NOW.
GO.
I'LL BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK.
THIS WHOLE FAMILY HAS GOT TO START EATING BETTER, I SWEAR.
THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M GONNA START SHOPPING BETTER.
'CAUSE THE WHOLE PLACE IS FULL OF JUNK.
LOOK AT THIS.
CHIPS, PRETZELS, MACARONI AND CHEESE OOH, WE GOT MALLOMARS.
THE KITCHEN'S FULL OF JUNK.
THE KIDS HAVE GOT TO EAT.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO EAT JUNK.
YEAH, WE DO.
WE NEED JUNK.
DAN, LOOK AT YOURSELF.
HEY, I GET MORE EXERCISE IN ONE DAY THAN MOST GUYS DO IN A WEEK.
I'M OUT THERE HAULING AND LUGGING AND PUSHING AND SHOVING.
I'VE GOT GREAT MUSCLE TONE UNDER HERE.
FEEL THAT PYTHON.
GO ON.
FEEL RIGHT THERE.
I DON'T WANNA FEEL RIGHT THERE.
I JUST WANNA GET RID OF SOME OF THIS JUNK.
SHE'S FLIPPED, DAD.
HOSE HER DOWN.
LISTEN.
JUST 'CAUSE YOUR PANTS ARE TIGHT ONE DAY DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE GONNA THROW AWAY $40 WORTH OF GROCERIES.
WELL, HEY, DRASTIC TIMES ARE GONNA CALL FOR DRASTIC MEASURES HERE.
I MEAN, I CAN HARDLY GO ON A DIET HAVING TO LOOK AT All THIS HORRIBLE, HIDEOUS, YET DELICIOUS FOOD.
HERE.
OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
NOW I'M GONNA FIX MYSELF SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT.
I BELIEVE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS IN THAT CABINET.
Roseanne: YEAH, I THINK I DID PRETTY GOOD TODAY.
I HAD, LIKE, A REALLY LIGHT BREAKFAST, AND THEN A REALLY LITTLE LUNCH.
THEN I HAD THIS DIET SODA.
THEN I HAD SOME OF THESE CARROT STICKS OF DEBBIE'S FOR A SNACK, AND THEN A REALLY LITTLE DINNER.
THAT'S IT? THAT'S IT.
YOU DID REAL GOOD, BABE.
I DID DO GOOD.
HOW DID YOU DO? I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING.
DAN, YOU HAD A GREAT BIG HUNK OF MEAT LOAF FOR DINNER.
I ONLY ATE HALF THAT MEAT LOAF.
I THREW THE REST IN THE GARBAGE.
DAN.
THAT'S HALF MY DINNER IN THE TRASH.
ALL RIGHT THEN.
HOW MANY SANDWICHES DID YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH? I HAD 2, BUT IT WAS THAT SLICED CHICKEN, REMEMBER? DID YOU HAVE THAT DIET SHAKE? AND I HAD A SHAKE.
DIET SHAKE? I HAD A SHAKE.
THE DIET SHAKE? IT WAS A CHOCOLATE SHAKE, ALL RIGHT? I NEED A LITTLE SUGAR IN THE AFTERNOON.
ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS YOU DID GOOD.
WE BOTH DID GOOD.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, DAN, AS MY REWARD FOR DOING GOOD, BOY, I AM GONNA GO IN THERE AND TAKE A NICE, LONG, HOT, PRIVATE BATH.
BOY, I WOULD LOVE TO GET AND YOU DESERVE ALL 10.
I'LL STAND GUARD AGAINST ALL INTRUDERS.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
OH, THAT'S PROBABLY SIS.
YOU JUST GO IN THERE AND TAKE YOUR BATH, AND I'LL TELL HER TO CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
OK.
THANKS, HONEY.
[RING.]
[RING.]
YEAH, JACKIE, I'LL TELL HER.
YEAH, JACKIE.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
YEAH, JACKIE.
UH-HUH.
YEAH, JACKIE.
YEAH, JACKIE.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
YEAH--NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO.
IT'S JUST A SMALL GREASE FIRE.
OOH.
[COUGHS.]
IT'S OUT.
IT'S OUT.
YEAH, BAKING SODA.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
JACKIEOH, JACKIE, I GOT TO GO.
D.
J.
HURT HIMSELF.
YEAH.
TALK TO YOU LATER.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
AH HA HA! OH, JACKIE, YOU--YOU'RE THE NUTTIEST.
MM, MM, MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.
WELL, LOOK AT YOU! GOT TO GO.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
THE VERY FIRST WEEK YOU AGREE TO GO ON A DIET, I CATCH YOU CHEATING.
EXCUSE ME.
YOU AGREED TO GO ON A DIET.
OH! OW! OW.
OH, ICE CREAM HEADACHE.
BRAIN FREEZE, HUH? WELL, YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU GO HAVE SOME WARM TAP WATER.
I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU, DAN.
YOU DID SAY YOU'D DO THIS WITH ME.
YOU SAID THAT, AND DON'T TRY TO DENY IT.
AND YOU WERE CHEATING JUST THEN, TOO, WEREN'T YOU? DON'T TRY TO DENY THAT EITHER.
YOU DID SAY WE'LL GO ON A DIET, AND IF WE ARE GONNA DIET, I SAY LET'S STICK TO THE DIET.
EATING POTATO CHIPS ISN'T GONNA HELP ANYTHING.
WHO'S EATING POTATO CHIPS? WHAT? YOU SAID POTATO CHIPS.
WHO'S EATING POTATO CHIPS? I MEANT ICE CREAM.
BUT YOU SAID POTATO CHIPS.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU, DAN.
DON'T YOU TRY TO TURN THIS THING AROUND ON ME.
I WANNA SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS BATHROOM.
GOOD MORNING.
All: GOOD MORNING.
I BROUGHT BREAKFAST.
YAY! YOU'RE RIGHT, ROSEANNE.
THIS IS THE BEST BAKERY.
I MEAN, THESE DOUGHNUTS ARE THE CAKIEST.
ROSEANNE, YOU'RE STILL NOT EATING ANYTHING? NO.
YOU SURE? YEAH.
I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY.
WELL, YOU HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING.
HOW ABOUT A BRAN MUFFIN? NO.
NO.
I'VE BEEN GOOD FOR A WEEK NOW.
ONE LITTLE MUFFIN'S NOT GOING TO HURT YOU.
ARTHUR ATE BRAN EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE.
SO I BET HE HAD A PRETTY CLEAN COLON.
YES, HE DID.
I LIKE THAT IN A MAN.
NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO BE CAREFUL, BUT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME I SHOULDN'T HIDE UNDER ALL THE EXTRA WEIGHT.
WELL, OF COURSE I DID, BUT YOU CAN'T STARVE YOURSELF, ROSEANNE.
MAYBE JUST A HALF.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR ENERGY UP.
I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M EATING THIS THING.
HABIT.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I NEED TO LOSE A FEW INCHES, I EXERCISE.
YEAH.
IT'S THE BEST.
WHEN I EXERCISE, I GET SO RELAXED.
IT'S LIKE I ACTUALLY ZONE OUT.
YOU? ZONE OUT? NO, REALLY.
I DO STRETCHING FIRST, THEN 20 MINUTES OF LOW-IMPACT AEROBICS TO GET MY HEART RATE UP, THEN A HALF HOUR OF TONING ALL MY PROBLEM ZONES.
IT'S REALLY MADE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT EXERCISE? DODGING MACHINE-GUN FIRE ON A BEACH.
YEAH, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU GET ALL SWEATY, THEN YOU COULD JUST DIVE RIGHT INTO THE OCEAN.
I KNOW.
IT'S SO REFRESHING.
HEY, IRIS, HOW COME YOU'RE ALL THE TIME MAKING THESE DEMENTED COMMENTS ABOUT BEING BLOWN AWAY AND STUFF? THE TRUTH? YEAH.
I'M SHELL-SHOCKED.
COME ON.
HEY.
I STAND HERE ALL DAY LISTENING TO WOMEN BELLYACHE.
IT'S MY WAY OF SAYING, "SHUT UP, OR I'LL TURN YOUR HAIR INTO A BONSAI TREE.
" YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, IF YOU WOULD EXERCISE EVERY DAY AND GET YOUR METABOLISM GOING, YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT.
I COULD EAT ANYTHING I WANT.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'D IMPROVE YOUR CIRCULATION.
YOU'D HAVE MORE ENERGY DURING THE DAY.
I COULD EAT ANYTHING I WANT? HALF-HOUR WALK EVERY MORNING WOULD GET YOU INTO GOOD PHYSICAL CONDITION.
AND HELP SUPPRESS YOUR APPETITE.
I COULD EAT ANYTHING I WANT? THERE'S ALREADY SUGAR IN THAT CEREAL, D.
J.
TOUGH NOOGIE.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD EAT MORE FRUIT.
I DON'T LIKE FRUIT.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE AN APPLE.
WHERE'S MOM AND DAD? I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THEY'RE STILL ASLEEP.
Jackie: ANYBODY HOME? JACKSON.
MORNING.
THEY WEREN'T IN THERE.
WHAT UP, JACK? HI.
WHERE'S YOUR MOM? I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE HER A RIDE TO WORK.
NO CLUE.
I JUST CHECKED THEIR BEDROOM, AND NOBODY'S HERE.
AH.
PROBABLY OUT WALKING.
YEAH.
RIGHT.
NO.
YOUR MOM SAID THAT THEY WERE GONNA START WALKING EVERY MORNING.
I THINK THAT'S GREAT.
YOU WANT SOME TOAST? YEAH.
THANKS.
BUTTER? IN THE FRIDGE.
AUNT JACKIE, HOW COME MOM IS SO HEAVY AND YOU'RE SO THIN? GENETICS.
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! BUT IT'S NOT ALL GENETICS.
A LOT OF HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH DEPENDS ON IF YOU WERE A HEAVY KID, 'CAUSE, UH, THAT'S WHEN ALL YOUR FAT CELLS ARE FORMED, YOU KNOW.
AND THEN, YOU ONLY HAVE A CERTAIN NUMBER OF FAT CELLS IN YOUR BODY, AND THEY EITHER GET BIGGER OR SMALLER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALL PRETTY THIN.
BUT MOM WASN'T A HEAVY KID.
YOU GUYS WERE BOTH THE SAME-- IT'S JUST A THEORY, OK? PLUS THERE'S ALSO THE ENVIRONMENT, AND THERE'S BEING PREGNANT THREE TIMES AND HAVING KIDS AROUND WHO NEED TO EAT CONSTANTLY AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY.
AND THERE'S ALSO EXTRA TARTAR SAUCE ON HER FISH STICKS AND EXTRA MAYO ON HER ROAST BEEF AND EXTRA ROAST BEEF ON HER KAISER ROLL.
SO BASICALLY YOU'RE SAYING MOM JUST EATS A LOT.
NO.
NO.
WELL, YEAH.
YEAH.
BUT, LOOK, SHE'S OUT EXERCISING.
SHE'S NOT EXERCISING.
YOU SAID SHE'S WALKING.
YOU KNOW, A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP.
AWESOME.
DID YOU MAKE THAT UP? UH-HUH.
[COUGHING.]
DAN, HOW'S THE WALK? GREAT.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? TO PICK UP YOUR MOM.
WELL, DAN, I WAS PRETTY GOOD TODAY.
ME, TOO, BABE.
YEAH, I THINK THAT WALKING STUFF IS REALLY HELPING 'CAUSE I DON'T EVEN FEEL HUNGRY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE AND SIT DOWN AND JOIN THE FAMILY, BABE.
YOU KNOW, ORDINARILY RIGHT NOW, I'D SURE BE IN THE MOOD FOR SOMETHING SWEET, BUT NOT EVEN INTERESTED.
Man: SAY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TASTED REAL BUTTERSCOTCH? CREAMY, SMOOTH BUTTERSCOTCH WITH WALNUTS, SURROUNDED BY DELICIOUS MILK CHOCOLATE.
HAVE A YUMMY BAR.
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU OK? YEAH, YEAH.
I JUST I'MI'M GOING TO GET A DIET SODA.
Woman: THIS WEEK ONLY AT THE KING'S TABLE-- OUR FAMOUS SURF 'N' TURF PLATTER, WHICH INCLUDES A 10-OUNCE CHARBROILED FILET MIGNON, A 10-OUNCE MAINE LOBSTER TAIL WITH DRAWN BUTTER, AND STEAK FRIES OR CREAMED SPINACH, ALL FOR ONLY 8.
99.
Man: AT BUCKY BURGERS, OUR BURGERS ARE FLAME-BROILED.
EVEN THE BACON WE PUT ON OUR CHEESEBURGERS IS FLAME-BROILED.
AND WE USE REAL CHEESE, AND ALL OUR BUNS ARE TOASTED.
SO BRING THE WHOLE FAMILY TO BUCKY BURGERS.
I'M HUNGRY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I HAVEN'T HAD ONE THING.
I CAN'T TAKE IT! DON'T DO IT, ROSEANNE.
DON'T DO IT.
I WANT ONE COOKIE! I'LL WALK AN EXTRA MILE TOMORROW.
YOU'LL HATE YOURSELF TONIGHT! I'LL WALK 2 MILES FOR ONE COOKIE! DARLENE, WHERE'S THOSE MALLOMARS? FREEZER.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID ONE.
I GOT ONE FOR YOU.
I DON'T WANT IT, AND NEITHER DO YOU.
OH, YES, I DO, DAN! I DO! TRUST ME! I DO! ROSEANNE! NOW, NOBODY SAID THIS WAS GONNA BE EASY, AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE.
FOOD'S A TOUGH THING TO BEAT.
IT'S EVERYWHERE.
YOU CAN HEAR IT.
YOU CAN SMELL IT.
HELL, IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN TASTE IT.
BUT WHEN THAT BIG CALORIE COUNTER IN THE SKY LOOKS DOWN IN HIS BOOK, I WANT US TO DO HIM PROUD.
THERE'S GONNA BE CALORIES.
THERE'S GONNA BE CARBOHYDRATES.
BUT IT'S OUR JOB TO KEEP 'EM DOWN, PUSH 'EM BACK, HOLD 'EM TO 3, AND FORCE A TURNOVER.
BUT WE CAN'T EAT TURNOVERS! WE CAN'T EVEN HAVE POP TARTS! WE GOT TO ZIG.
WE GOT TO ZAG.
WE'RE GONNA STICK AND MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.
WE'RE THE UNDERDOGS IN THIS GAME, BUT RIGHT NOW WE'RE WINNING, SEE.
BUT REMEMBER, THE FINAL SCORE-- IT'S UP TO US.
IT'S UP TO US.
IT'S UP TO US.
OH, THAT WAS VERY INSPIRING, DAN.
NOW, GIVE ME THOSE COOKIES! BECKY! BECKY, CALL VIC AND RITA NEXT DOOR! WELL, I PUT IT BACK, COACH.
WAY TO GO, 37.
I DIDN'T EAT NOTHING.
BOY, BUT I COULD SURE GO FOR SEEING THAT BUCKY BURGER COMMERCIAL AGAIN.
YOU GUYS WERE WALKING FOR AN HOUR.
THE OLYMPICS ARE ONLY 2 YEARS AWAY.
THEN YOU STILL HAVE TIME.
WHAT EVENT? CHILD THROWING.
MAYBE I SHOULD START GETTING UP AND WALKING WITH YOU GUYS.
ME, TOO.
NO, NO.
THESE WALKS ARE PRIVATE.
OOH.
DO YOU GUYS MAKE OUT WHILE YOU'RE WALKING? Roseanne: DAN! WHAT? THEY FIT! THEY FIT! HEY! NOW LET ME TRY 'EM ON.
YOU KNOW, I'M SO HAPPY.
I KNOW.
I DID IT.
IT'S NOT THAT MUCH OR NOTHING.
IT'S A SMALL THING.
BUT MY PANTS FIT, AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IF I COULD DO THIS GOOD, MAYBE I CAN DO EVEN BETTER.
MAYBE WE REALLY CAN EXERCISE EVERY DAY, AND MAYBE I REALLY CAN LOSE SOME MORE WEIGHT.
I FEEL GREAT! THAT'S GREAT, BABE.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TIME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA WALK TO WORK.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
I'M REALLY WALKING TO WORK.
I THINK IT'S ABOUT WE PROBABLY WALKED FARTHER THAN THAT THIS MORNING.
EASY.
YEAH.
MAYBE I CAN, LIKE, WALK HOME FROM WORK, TOO.
I CAN DO THAT EVERY DAY.
THAT WOULD BE, LIKE, AN EXTRA 5 MILES A DAY.
GO FOR IT.
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
BYE, MOM.
BYE, MOM.
BYE, MOMMY.
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT IS REALLY GREAT.
I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOUR MOM.
OOH! IT'S, LIKE, I'M NOT WALKING TO WORK.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CHEST, BACK, TORSO.
AND 1, 2, TWO MORE.
TOGETHER, APART, DOWN, AND UP.
TOGETHER, APART, DOWN, AND UP.
AND FINISH.
SEE, YOU DID FEEL IT, RIGHT? OH! YEAH.
CAN'T MOVE.
I CAN JUST PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER.
YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE SOMETHING? PLEASE, MARSHA, I'M TRYING TO DIET.
I JUST LOST 3 POUNDS.
CHOW TIME.
I ONCE LOST 42 POUNDS.
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
HOW? COMMUNIST GUERRILLAS LOCKED ME IN A BAMBOO CAGE FOR 6 MONTHS.
YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU GET IRRITABLE? ONLY FOR THE FIRST MONTH.
TURKEY SANDWICH.
WITH NOTHING ON IT? THERE'S SOME TURKEY ON IT, BUT I'LL BET YOU COULD SCRAPE IT OFF.
THEIR TURKEY'S VERY FRESH.
THEIR CHICKEN, TOO.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
WOMEN GO THROUGH THIS POULTRY PHASE.
YOU ARE RIGHT, ROXANNE.
WHEN I WAS IN MY 30s, I ATE NOTHING BUT TURKEY, CHICKEN, AND TUNA.
I LIVED ON TUNA.
WELL, TUNA ISN'T EXACTLY POULTRY, BUT IT'S VERY LIKE POULTRY.
I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME KIND OF DRESSING ON IT, OR IT TASTES LIKECLOTH.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, JACQUES? TOSSED GREEN, LEMON.
THANKS.
LUCKY YOU.
DIDN'T YOU ORDER LUNCH, DEBBIE? NO.
MY EATING HAS GOTTEN COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.
I MEAN, I'VE BEEN HAVING BREAKFAST, THEN LUNCH, AND THEN I HAVE DINNER.
WELL, YOU JUST DESCRIBED MY MORNING.
YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE.
IT'S A SHAME YOU KEEP IT HIDDEN BY ALL THAT EXTRA WEIGHT.
ROSEANNE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT KEEPING SLIM.
DAN'S CRAZY ABOUT HER NO MATTER HOW SHE LOOKS.
THANKS, CRYSTAL.
OH, I'M SORRY, ROSEANNE.
I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO SOUND LIKE-- UH, WELL, IT'S JUST SHE'S SO HAPPILY MARRIED, AND YOU'RE JUST NOT ON THE MARKET ANYMORE IS ALL I MEANT.
NO, CRYSTAL.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DO NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'M GONNA START NOW BY PICKING A DAY NEXT WEEK TO GO ON A DIET.
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT WEEK'S BAD.
MARCH IS OUT.
OW! I MUST HAVE PUT THESE PANTS IN THE DRYER! AAH! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? MY PANTS SHRANK.
HOW DARE THEY.
OH, I GUESS THEY DIDN'T SHRINK.
I JUST GREW.
I THINK WE'VE GROWN TOGETHER, I HOPE.
WE GOT TO GO ON A DIET.
WHAT'S THIS "WE" JAZZ? MY PANTS FIT FINE.
WELL, MY PANTS DON'T FIT ME.
WELL, YOUR PANTS DON'T FIT ME EITHER.
HA HA HA, DAN.
LET'S BURN THE WEIGHT OFF WITH HUMOR.
LOOK AT YOURSELF.
YOU ARE TOO FAT! YOU'VE GOT TO GO ON A DIET.
YOU GO ON A DIET.
I'M GOING TO DINNER.
YOU GOT TO MOVE, DEEJ.
MAKE ME.
HOW ABOUT A KISS, HOT STUFF? I'M OUT OF HERE! GO WASH YOUR HANDS.
A LITTLE SUGAR-FREE, MY PET? I'M SERIOUS, DAN.
WE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE EATING ALL THIS FRIED STUFF.
YOU GUYS GOING ON A DIET AGAIN? NO.
YES.
SO I GUESS THIS MEANS WE'RE GONNA HAVE ROAST CHICKEN FOR 3 NIGHTS UNTIL THEY GET BACK TO REALITY.
WE'RE GONNA LOOK BETTER, AND WE'RE GONNA FEEL BETTER.
WE WON'T EAT BETTER.
YOU KNOW HOW WE HATE BEING LIKE THIS.
HEY, ROSEANNE, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE DON'T GO OUT A LOT.
WE DON'T HAVE A BIG HOUSE.
FOOD IS THE ONE LUXURY WE CAN AFFORD.
WELL, FOOD AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE A LUXURY, DAN.
I MEAN, IT'S SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOU ALIVE.
IT AIN'T SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? YOU THINK YOUR MOM NEEDS TO LOSE WEIGHT? NO.
I LIKE YOU MUSHY.
YOU COULD STAND TO LOSE A FEW, MOM.
I DIDN'T ASK YOU.
I KNOW.
DAD DID.
WELL, YOUR DAD REALLY SHOULDN'T TALK.
MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO GET HEAVY WHEN THEY GET OLDER.
THEY ALL DO.
BUT IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD ON WOMEN.
WELL, THAT IS ABOUT THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE EVER SAID.
AW, FACE IT.
YOU'RE BOTH TANKS.
HEY, YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.
IT'S YOUR FAULT I GOT FAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
OH, RIGHT.
LIKE I INVENTED DOUBLE DUTCH CHOCOLATE.
NO, BUT I GAINED 20 POUNDS WITH THAT PREGNANCY.
ME, TOO.
OK, 40 POUNDS WITH EACH KID.
ME, TOO.
REMEMBER WHEN I WAS THIN AND BEAUTIFUL? HONEY, YOU'RE STILL BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'VE HAD 3 BEAUTIFUL KIDS.
WELL, I CAN'T USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE FOREVER.
SURE YOU CAN.
NO, I CAN'T USE THAT FOREVER.
A COUPLE OF MORE YEARS, MAX, BUT NOT FOREVER.
BESIDES, I'M GOING ON A DIET, DAN.
I'M STARTING RIGHT NOW.
GO.
I'LL BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK.
THIS WHOLE FAMILY HAS GOT TO START EATING BETTER, I SWEAR.
THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M GONNA START SHOPPING BETTER.
'CAUSE THE WHOLE PLACE IS FULL OF JUNK.
LOOK AT THIS.
CHIPS, PRETZELS, MACARONI AND CHEESE OOH, WE GOT MALLOMARS.
THE KITCHEN'S FULL OF JUNK.
THE KIDS HAVE GOT TO EAT.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO EAT JUNK.
YEAH, WE DO.
WE NEED JUNK.
DAN, LOOK AT YOURSELF.
HEY, I GET MORE EXERCISE IN ONE DAY THAN MOST GUYS DO IN A WEEK.
I'M OUT THERE HAULING AND LUGGING AND PUSHING AND SHOVING.
I'VE GOT GREAT MUSCLE TONE UNDER HERE.
FEEL THAT PYTHON.
GO ON.
FEEL RIGHT THERE.
I DON'T WANNA FEEL RIGHT THERE.
I JUST WANNA GET RID OF SOME OF THIS JUNK.
SHE'S FLIPPED, DAD.
HOSE HER DOWN.
LISTEN.
JUST 'CAUSE YOUR PANTS ARE TIGHT ONE DAY DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE GONNA THROW AWAY $40 WORTH OF GROCERIES.
WELL, HEY, DRASTIC TIMES ARE GONNA CALL FOR DRASTIC MEASURES HERE.
I MEAN, I CAN HARDLY GO ON A DIET HAVING TO LOOK AT All THIS HORRIBLE, HIDEOUS, YET DELICIOUS FOOD.
HERE.
OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
NOW I'M GONNA FIX MYSELF SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT.
I BELIEVE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS IN THAT CABINET.
Roseanne: YEAH, I THINK I DID PRETTY GOOD TODAY.
I HAD, LIKE, A REALLY LIGHT BREAKFAST, AND THEN A REALLY LITTLE LUNCH.
THEN I HAD THIS DIET SODA.
THEN I HAD SOME OF THESE CARROT STICKS OF DEBBIE'S FOR A SNACK, AND THEN A REALLY LITTLE DINNER.
THAT'S IT? THAT'S IT.
YOU DID REAL GOOD, BABE.
I DID DO GOOD.
HOW DID YOU DO? I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING.
DAN, YOU HAD A GREAT BIG HUNK OF MEAT LOAF FOR DINNER.
I ONLY ATE HALF THAT MEAT LOAF.
I THREW THE REST IN THE GARBAGE.
DAN.
THAT'S HALF MY DINNER IN THE TRASH.
ALL RIGHT THEN.
HOW MANY SANDWICHES DID YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH? I HAD 2, BUT IT WAS THAT SLICED CHICKEN, REMEMBER? DID YOU HAVE THAT DIET SHAKE? AND I HAD A SHAKE.
DIET SHAKE? I HAD A SHAKE.
THE DIET SHAKE? IT WAS A CHOCOLATE SHAKE, ALL RIGHT? I NEED A LITTLE SUGAR IN THE AFTERNOON.
ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS YOU DID GOOD.
WE BOTH DID GOOD.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, DAN, AS MY REWARD FOR DOING GOOD, BOY, I AM GONNA GO IN THERE AND TAKE A NICE, LONG, HOT, PRIVATE BATH.
BOY, I WOULD LOVE TO GET AND YOU DESERVE ALL 10.
I'LL STAND GUARD AGAINST ALL INTRUDERS.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
OH, THAT'S PROBABLY SIS.
YOU JUST GO IN THERE AND TAKE YOUR BATH, AND I'LL TELL HER TO CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
OK.
THANKS, HONEY.
[RING.]
[RING.]
YEAH, JACKIE, I'LL TELL HER.
YEAH, JACKIE.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
YEAH, JACKIE.
UH-HUH.
YEAH, JACKIE.
YEAH, JACKIE.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
YEAH--NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO.
IT'S JUST A SMALL GREASE FIRE.
OOH.
[COUGHS.]
IT'S OUT.
IT'S OUT.
YEAH, BAKING SODA.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
JACKIEOH, JACKIE, I GOT TO GO.
D.
J.
HURT HIMSELF.
YEAH.
TALK TO YOU LATER.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
AH HA HA! OH, JACKIE, YOU--YOU'RE THE NUTTIEST.
MM, MM, MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.
WELL, LOOK AT YOU! GOT TO GO.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
THE VERY FIRST WEEK YOU AGREE TO GO ON A DIET, I CATCH YOU CHEATING.
EXCUSE ME.
YOU AGREED TO GO ON A DIET.
OH! OW! OW.
OH, ICE CREAM HEADACHE.
BRAIN FREEZE, HUH? WELL, YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU GO HAVE SOME WARM TAP WATER.
I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU, DAN.
YOU DID SAY YOU'D DO THIS WITH ME.
YOU SAID THAT, AND DON'T TRY TO DENY IT.
AND YOU WERE CHEATING JUST THEN, TOO, WEREN'T YOU? DON'T TRY TO DENY THAT EITHER.
YOU DID SAY WE'LL GO ON A DIET, AND IF WE ARE GONNA DIET, I SAY LET'S STICK TO THE DIET.
EATING POTATO CHIPS ISN'T GONNA HELP ANYTHING.
WHO'S EATING POTATO CHIPS? WHAT? YOU SAID POTATO CHIPS.
WHO'S EATING POTATO CHIPS? I MEANT ICE CREAM.
BUT YOU SAID POTATO CHIPS.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU, DAN.
DON'T YOU TRY TO TURN THIS THING AROUND ON ME.
I WANNA SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS BATHROOM.
GOOD MORNING.
All: GOOD MORNING.
I BROUGHT BREAKFAST.
YAY! YOU'RE RIGHT, ROSEANNE.
THIS IS THE BEST BAKERY.
I MEAN, THESE DOUGHNUTS ARE THE CAKIEST.
ROSEANNE, YOU'RE STILL NOT EATING ANYTHING? NO.
YOU SURE? YEAH.
I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY.
WELL, YOU HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING.
HOW ABOUT A BRAN MUFFIN? NO.
NO.
I'VE BEEN GOOD FOR A WEEK NOW.
ONE LITTLE MUFFIN'S NOT GOING TO HURT YOU.
ARTHUR ATE BRAN EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE.
SO I BET HE HAD A PRETTY CLEAN COLON.
YES, HE DID.
I LIKE THAT IN A MAN.
NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO BE CAREFUL, BUT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME I SHOULDN'T HIDE UNDER ALL THE EXTRA WEIGHT.
WELL, OF COURSE I DID, BUT YOU CAN'T STARVE YOURSELF, ROSEANNE.
MAYBE JUST A HALF.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR ENERGY UP.
I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M EATING THIS THING.
HABIT.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I NEED TO LOSE A FEW INCHES, I EXERCISE.
YEAH.
IT'S THE BEST.
WHEN I EXERCISE, I GET SO RELAXED.
IT'S LIKE I ACTUALLY ZONE OUT.
YOU? ZONE OUT? NO, REALLY.
I DO STRETCHING FIRST, THEN 20 MINUTES OF LOW-IMPACT AEROBICS TO GET MY HEART RATE UP, THEN A HALF HOUR OF TONING ALL MY PROBLEM ZONES.
IT'S REALLY MADE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT EXERCISE? DODGING MACHINE-GUN FIRE ON A BEACH.
YEAH, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU GET ALL SWEATY, THEN YOU COULD JUST DIVE RIGHT INTO THE OCEAN.
I KNOW.
IT'S SO REFRESHING.
HEY, IRIS, HOW COME YOU'RE ALL THE TIME MAKING THESE DEMENTED COMMENTS ABOUT BEING BLOWN AWAY AND STUFF? THE TRUTH? YEAH.
I'M SHELL-SHOCKED.
COME ON.
HEY.
I STAND HERE ALL DAY LISTENING TO WOMEN BELLYACHE.
IT'S MY WAY OF SAYING, "SHUT UP, OR I'LL TURN YOUR HAIR INTO A BONSAI TREE.
" YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, IF YOU WOULD EXERCISE EVERY DAY AND GET YOUR METABOLISM GOING, YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT.
I COULD EAT ANYTHING I WANT.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'D IMPROVE YOUR CIRCULATION.
YOU'D HAVE MORE ENERGY DURING THE DAY.
I COULD EAT ANYTHING I WANT? HALF-HOUR WALK EVERY MORNING WOULD GET YOU INTO GOOD PHYSICAL CONDITION.
AND HELP SUPPRESS YOUR APPETITE.
I COULD EAT ANYTHING I WANT? THERE'S ALREADY SUGAR IN THAT CEREAL, D.
J.
TOUGH NOOGIE.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD EAT MORE FRUIT.
I DON'T LIKE FRUIT.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE AN APPLE.
WHERE'S MOM AND DAD? I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THEY'RE STILL ASLEEP.
Jackie: ANYBODY HOME? JACKSON.
MORNING.
THEY WEREN'T IN THERE.
WHAT UP, JACK? HI.
WHERE'S YOUR MOM? I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE HER A RIDE TO WORK.
NO CLUE.
I JUST CHECKED THEIR BEDROOM, AND NOBODY'S HERE.
AH.
PROBABLY OUT WALKING.
YEAH.
RIGHT.
NO.
YOUR MOM SAID THAT THEY WERE GONNA START WALKING EVERY MORNING.
I THINK THAT'S GREAT.
YOU WANT SOME TOAST? YEAH.
THANKS.
BUTTER? IN THE FRIDGE.
AUNT JACKIE, HOW COME MOM IS SO HEAVY AND YOU'RE SO THIN? GENETICS.
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! BUT IT'S NOT ALL GENETICS.
A LOT OF HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH DEPENDS ON IF YOU WERE A HEAVY KID, 'CAUSE, UH, THAT'S WHEN ALL YOUR FAT CELLS ARE FORMED, YOU KNOW.
AND THEN, YOU ONLY HAVE A CERTAIN NUMBER OF FAT CELLS IN YOUR BODY, AND THEY EITHER GET BIGGER OR SMALLER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALL PRETTY THIN.
BUT MOM WASN'T A HEAVY KID.
YOU GUYS WERE BOTH THE SAME-- IT'S JUST A THEORY, OK? PLUS THERE'S ALSO THE ENVIRONMENT, AND THERE'S BEING PREGNANT THREE TIMES AND HAVING KIDS AROUND WHO NEED TO EAT CONSTANTLY AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY.
AND THERE'S ALSO EXTRA TARTAR SAUCE ON HER FISH STICKS AND EXTRA MAYO ON HER ROAST BEEF AND EXTRA ROAST BEEF ON HER KAISER ROLL.
SO BASICALLY YOU'RE SAYING MOM JUST EATS A LOT.
NO.
NO.
WELL, YEAH.
YEAH.
BUT, LOOK, SHE'S OUT EXERCISING.
SHE'S NOT EXERCISING.
YOU SAID SHE'S WALKING.
YOU KNOW, A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP.
AWESOME.
DID YOU MAKE THAT UP? UH-HUH.
[COUGHING.]
DAN, HOW'S THE WALK? GREAT.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? TO PICK UP YOUR MOM.
WELL, DAN, I WAS PRETTY GOOD TODAY.
ME, TOO, BABE.
YEAH, I THINK THAT WALKING STUFF IS REALLY HELPING 'CAUSE I DON'T EVEN FEEL HUNGRY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE AND SIT DOWN AND JOIN THE FAMILY, BABE.
YOU KNOW, ORDINARILY RIGHT NOW, I'D SURE BE IN THE MOOD FOR SOMETHING SWEET, BUT NOT EVEN INTERESTED.
Man: SAY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TASTED REAL BUTTERSCOTCH? CREAMY, SMOOTH BUTTERSCOTCH WITH WALNUTS, SURROUNDED BY DELICIOUS MILK CHOCOLATE.
HAVE A YUMMY BAR.
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU OK? YEAH, YEAH.
I JUST I'MI'M GOING TO GET A DIET SODA.
Woman: THIS WEEK ONLY AT THE KING'S TABLE-- OUR FAMOUS SURF 'N' TURF PLATTER, WHICH INCLUDES A 10-OUNCE CHARBROILED FILET MIGNON, A 10-OUNCE MAINE LOBSTER TAIL WITH DRAWN BUTTER, AND STEAK FRIES OR CREAMED SPINACH, ALL FOR ONLY 8.
99.
Man: AT BUCKY BURGERS, OUR BURGERS ARE FLAME-BROILED.
EVEN THE BACON WE PUT ON OUR CHEESEBURGERS IS FLAME-BROILED.
AND WE USE REAL CHEESE, AND ALL OUR BUNS ARE TOASTED.
SO BRING THE WHOLE FAMILY TO BUCKY BURGERS.
I'M HUNGRY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I HAVEN'T HAD ONE THING.
I CAN'T TAKE IT! DON'T DO IT, ROSEANNE.
DON'T DO IT.
I WANT ONE COOKIE! I'LL WALK AN EXTRA MILE TOMORROW.
YOU'LL HATE YOURSELF TONIGHT! I'LL WALK 2 MILES FOR ONE COOKIE! DARLENE, WHERE'S THOSE MALLOMARS? FREEZER.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID ONE.
I GOT ONE FOR YOU.
I DON'T WANT IT, AND NEITHER DO YOU.
OH, YES, I DO, DAN! I DO! TRUST ME! I DO! ROSEANNE! NOW, NOBODY SAID THIS WAS GONNA BE EASY, AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE.
FOOD'S A TOUGH THING TO BEAT.
IT'S EVERYWHERE.
YOU CAN HEAR IT.
YOU CAN SMELL IT.
HELL, IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN TASTE IT.
BUT WHEN THAT BIG CALORIE COUNTER IN THE SKY LOOKS DOWN IN HIS BOOK, I WANT US TO DO HIM PROUD.
THERE'S GONNA BE CALORIES.
THERE'S GONNA BE CARBOHYDRATES.
BUT IT'S OUR JOB TO KEEP 'EM DOWN, PUSH 'EM BACK, HOLD 'EM TO 3, AND FORCE A TURNOVER.
BUT WE CAN'T EAT TURNOVERS! WE CAN'T EVEN HAVE POP TARTS! WE GOT TO ZIG.
WE GOT TO ZAG.
WE'RE GONNA STICK AND MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.
WE'RE THE UNDERDOGS IN THIS GAME, BUT RIGHT NOW WE'RE WINNING, SEE.
BUT REMEMBER, THE FINAL SCORE-- IT'S UP TO US.
IT'S UP TO US.
IT'S UP TO US.
OH, THAT WAS VERY INSPIRING, DAN.
NOW, GIVE ME THOSE COOKIES! BECKY! BECKY, CALL VIC AND RITA NEXT DOOR! WELL, I PUT IT BACK, COACH.
WAY TO GO, 37.
I DIDN'T EAT NOTHING.
BOY, BUT I COULD SURE GO FOR SEEING THAT BUCKY BURGER COMMERCIAL AGAIN.
YOU GUYS WERE WALKING FOR AN HOUR.
THE OLYMPICS ARE ONLY 2 YEARS AWAY.
THEN YOU STILL HAVE TIME.
WHAT EVENT? CHILD THROWING.
MAYBE I SHOULD START GETTING UP AND WALKING WITH YOU GUYS.
ME, TOO.
NO, NO.
THESE WALKS ARE PRIVATE.
OOH.
DO YOU GUYS MAKE OUT WHILE YOU'RE WALKING? Roseanne: DAN! WHAT? THEY FIT! THEY FIT! HEY! NOW LET ME TRY 'EM ON.
YOU KNOW, I'M SO HAPPY.
I KNOW.
I DID IT.
IT'S NOT THAT MUCH OR NOTHING.
IT'S A SMALL THING.
BUT MY PANTS FIT, AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IF I COULD DO THIS GOOD, MAYBE I CAN DO EVEN BETTER.
MAYBE WE REALLY CAN EXERCISE EVERY DAY, AND MAYBE I REALLY CAN LOSE SOME MORE WEIGHT.
I FEEL GREAT! THAT'S GREAT, BABE.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TIME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA WALK TO WORK.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
I'M REALLY WALKING TO WORK.
I THINK IT'S ABOUT WE PROBABLY WALKED FARTHER THAN THAT THIS MORNING.
EASY.
YEAH.
MAYBE I CAN, LIKE, WALK HOME FROM WORK, TOO.
I CAN DO THAT EVERY DAY.
THAT WOULD BE, LIKE, AN EXTRA 5 MILES A DAY.
GO FOR IT.
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
BYE, MOM.
BYE, MOM.
BYE, MOMMY.
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT IS REALLY GREAT.
I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOUR MOM.
OOH! IT'S, LIKE, I'M NOT WALKING TO WORK.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CHEST, BACK, TORSO.
AND 1, 2, TWO MORE.
TOGETHER, APART, DOWN, AND UP.
TOGETHER, APART, DOWN, AND UP.
AND FINISH.
SEE, YOU DID FEEL IT, RIGHT? OH! YEAH.
CAN'T MOVE.