Roseanne s02e19 Episode Script
All of Me
[NO DIALOGUE AUDIO-- OPENING THEME PLAYING.]
[LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHTER.]
SO THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF STAYING OUT OF THINGS.
HEY, ALLS I'M DOING IS HAVING A NICE LITTLE FAMILY CASUAL GET-TOGETHER.
I'M NOT GETTING INVOLVED.
YOU CAN'T HELP YOURSELF, CAN YOU? YOU'RE AN ADDICT.
HEY, SHE'S MY SISTER, AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO MEET HER NEW FRIEND, LIKE THE SUPPORTIVE, LOVING PERSON THAT I AM.
HO HO! YOU'RE NOSY, ALICE! NOSY! I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED, DAN.
GARY! GARY, I COULD JUST SEE YOU HOLDING ONTO THE BACK OF THE TRUCK, SCREAMING AT SAM, "STOP! STOP!" I WAS WEARING LOAFERS, TOO.
I MEAN, NO TRACTION.
WHO'S SAM? SAM IS ONE OF THE INSTALLERS THAT WORKS FOR GARY'S GLASS COMPANY.
GARY LEARNED THE GLASS BUSINESS FROM HIS UNCLE, WHO HE USED TO WORK FOR IN THE SUMMERS, SO THAT HE COULD STAY IN SHAPE FOR WRESTLING.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT? YOU WRESTLED? YEAH.
YEAH.
165 POUNDS.
WIRY AND QUICK.
YOU ARE.
I ARE WHAT? WIRY AND QUICK.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? OH, I DIDN'T MEAN QUICK THAT WAY.
SO FINISH THE STORY.
DID SAM STOP, OR WERE YOU EVENTUALLY CRUSHED AND THEN FREED BY THE JAWS OF LIFE? WELL, YES.
NOW, SAM STOPPED, BUT--OH, GARY, YOU TELL IT.
OK.
HE STOPS ALL OF A SUDDEN.
I FALL DOWN.
IT PULLS ALL MY BELT LOOPS OFF, AND I'M SITTING ON THE GROUND WITH MY BELT UNDER MY ARMS.
ISN'T THAT A GREAT STORY? AREN'T THEY CUTE? WELL, THEY CAN'T HELP BUT BE CUTE, DAN.
THEY'RE YOUNG, AND THEY'RE IN LOVE, AND THEY'RE HEADED FOR A RAVINE.
NOW, NOW, BE SUPPORTIVE.
I'M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE, BUT SHE'S MAKING ME PUKE.
SHE'S ACTING JUST LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL.
ROSEANNE.
OK, EVERYBODY, DINNER'S READY.
COME AND EAT, CHILDREN.
OH, THANK YOU.
ARE THEY DOING THAT TONGUE THING? UH YEAH.
I USED TO WORK FOR SHERWOOD PLATE GLASS.
I WORKED WITH JIM SHERWOOD ON A COUPLE OF JOBS.
NICE OLD GUY.
HE'S A SLY OLD GUY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? HE'S OK.
HE'S OK?! HOW CAN YOU BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THIS MAN AND SAY HE'S OK? I DON'T KNOW, BECAUSE MAYBE I STILL HAVE PARTIAL USE OF MY BRAIN.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
AND DO GOOD WORK.
GARY'S COMPANY'S KNOWN FOR ITS GOOD WORK.
GARY'S GOT A REPUTATION.
THEN YOU TWO HAVE GOT A LOT IN COMMON.
JACKIE'S GOT A REPUTATION FOR BEING A GOOD COP.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
I'M JUST STARTING OUT ON THE FORCE, BUT GARY'S GOT A VERY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS.
HEY, YOU RISK YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY.
UM, WHERE'S THE HEAD? YONDER.
AHEM.
I'M LEAVING.
GOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, ANYWAY.
GOOD.
HEY, WAIT YEAH, TAKE GARY.
FOR GARY.
TAKE GARY WHERE? SHOW HIM THE GROUNDS.
MAYBE I'LL TAKE HIM OUT BACK AND TELL HIM WHAT HE'S REALLY GETTING HIMSELF INTO.
DAN.
MAYBE I'LL TELL HIM WHAT A CRAZY, NEUROTIC FAMILY THIS REALLY IS.
DAN.
DAN MAYBE I'LL TELL HIM THAT YOU STILL GOT YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS, AND WHEN THEY'RE NAUGHTY, YOU GET MAD AT THEM.
WELL, HE'S MY HUSBAND.
I HAVE TO TELL HIM EVERYTHING.
HEY, GAR.
YOU LIKE MOTORCYCLES? NO, NOT REALLY.
YOU LIKE BOATS? NAH.
HOW ABOUT A DRAFTY OLD GARAGE WITH A LOT OF GOOD JUNK LAYING AROUND? OH, YEAH, SURE.
COME ON OUT.
I'LL SHOW YOU MY MOTORCYCLE AND MY BOAT, AND WE CAN STAND AROUND AND GET THE FLU AND YOU TWO HENS CAN YAK IT UP.
YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK.
YAK YAK.
THIS IS A NICE LITTLE WORK AREA YOU GOT HERE.
YEAH, THANKS.
MY LITTLE ESCAPE.
YEAH, I HEAR YOU.
YOU MUST HAVE BEEN MARRIED.
NO, NOT YET.
UM BUT JACKIE TELLS ME YOU AND ROSEANNE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL? YEAH.
HARD TO BELIEVE.
AND YOU GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY STUPID.
NO, I'M ONLY KIDDING.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
WE'RE REALLY HAPPY.
IT'S OK, DAN.
I ALREADY KNOW THAT ANYTHING I TELL JACKIE GOES RIGHT BACK TO ROSEANNE.
BINGO.
HEY, BEING SINGLE IS NO BARGAIN, LET ME TELL YOU.
IT'S TOUGH MEETING PEOPLE.
YOU SEEM TO BE DOING OK.
OH, YEAH.
JACKIE, SHE'S, UM SHE'S SOMETHING.
JACKIE'S A GOOD KID.
YEAH, I'M NUTS ABOUT HER, MAN.
IT'S LIKE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER.
AND THE TRUTH IS I DON'T WANT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT HER BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M THINKING ABOUT HER, I'M HAPPY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SHE'S FUN.
SHE'S SEXY, AND SHE'S BRIGHT.
SHE'S A LITTLE CRAZY, TOO, BUT THAT'S OK WITH ME, BECAUSE I COULD USE A LITTLE CRAZINESS IN MY LIFE.
SHE CAN PROVIDE THAT.
YEAH.
I'M IN LOVE WITH HER, DAN.
HAVE YOU TOLD HER THAT YET? NO WAY.
THAT A BOY.
SIS? WHAT? I KNOW YOU REALLY LIKE GARY RIGHT NOW, AND YOU'RE THINKING THAT MAYBE HE'S THE GUY.
I KNOW.
I THINK HE IS.
I MEAN, HE'S GOOD, AND HE'S GENTLE.
ISN'T HE GENTLE? AND I LIKE HIS LOOKS.
YOU FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE, DON'T YOU? I JUST WANT TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU, AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THE ONLY REASON I'M SAYING IT IS BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH.
WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE HIM.
SIS.
OK, WHAT? TELL ME.
I DON'T WANT US TO GET INTO A FIGHT OVER THIS.
NO, WE WON'T GET IN A FIGHT.
OK, 'CAUSE THAT'S NOT WHY I'M MENTIONING IT.
MENTIONING WHAT? WHAT I'M GOING TO MENTION.
WHAT? REMEMBER LAST YEAR, YOU AND THAT GUY TONY? OH, ROSEANNE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
TONY! OH THIS IS NOTHING LIKE TONY.
WITH TONY, I WAS THIS GUSHING LITTLE HIGH SCHOOL GIRL.
I WAS TONY'S LOVE SLAVE.
TONY.
WELL, NOT JUST WITH TONY, SIS.
YOU'VE BEEN THIS WAY WITH A LOT OF GUYS.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE I HAVE, BUT WITH GARY, IT'S DIFFERENT, BECAUSE GARY AND I DO THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO ALL THE TIME-- OR WE WILL.
WE WILL AS SOON AS THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO DO.
YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT.
OK, JUST DROP IT.
OH, NOW SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
NO, I REALLY DON'T BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING COMPLETELY DEFENSIVE.
NO, I'M NOT BEING DEFENSIVE, ROSEANNE.
YOU'RE MORE DEFENSIVE THAN I AM.
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY BOYFRIEND, WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME OUT AND SAY SO?! WELL, HE'S NOT TAKING OVER MY LIFE.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, OK? NEVER MIND.
WE OBVIOUSLY CANNOT DISCUSS THIS LIKE TWO ADULTS, BECAUSE ONE OF US IS A CHILD.
OH? HOW AM I ACTING LIKE A CHILD? OH, FORGET ABOUT IT.
OH, SHE CAN BLAME IT, BUT SHE CAN'T NAME IT.
"I CAN BLAME IT, BUT I CAN'T--" YOU ARE WELL, YOU'RE YEAH, I AM SO WHAT OF IT? SO WHAT OF IT? JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, OK? NO, NOT OK.
DON'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE PEP RALLY YOU WANT TO GO ON-- I CAN'T BELIEVE I BRING HIM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE AND-- I SAID FORGET IT! AHH! SO YOU WANT TO GO OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT? SURE, IF YOU DO.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE? OH, I'M EASY.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE? LANFORD TAVERN OK? UM, YEAH, THAT'S FINE.
NO, IF YOU WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE-- NO, L.
T.
's FINE.
I DON'T KNOW IF WE CAN GET IN.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SAM'S BROTHER WORKS THERE.
SAM, HUH? YEAH.
OH, I GOT TO TELL YOU.
FRIDAY, SAM'S BACKING UP THE TRUCK.
I SAID, "LET ME GET OUT, AND I'LL HELP GUIDE YOU BACK.
" SO, OF COURSE, WHAT DOES SAM SAY? "NO PROBLEM.
GOT YOU COVERED.
" YEAH.
RIGHT.
SO HE STARTS BACKING UP, NO IDEA WHERE HE'S GOING, AND HE JUST ROARS THE THING BACKWARDS WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING, AND STOPS.
I GET OUT, HE'S THIS FAR FROM THE LOADING DOCK.
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS GUY'S GOT A SIXTH SENSE.
YOU GOTTA MEET HIM.
WE'LL GO OUT WITH HIM SOMETIME.
YEAH, WE MIGHT AS WELL.
YOU TALK ABOUT HIM ENOUGH.
BUT WHAT IF I MEET SAM, AND ALL HE DOES IS TELL GARY STORIES? WELL, YOU'LL PROBABLY LOVE THOSE.
YEAH, YOU AT WORK WITH SAM AND THE GLASS TRUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? NOTHING.
NOTHING.
I'M I'M JUST FEELING A LITTLE TIRED, THAT'S ALL.
WELL, NO WONDER.
YOU JUST USED UP A LOT OF ENERGY.
YEAH, BUT I WAS TIRED BEFORE I USED UP ALL THAT ENERGY.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MAD AT ME.
MAD AT YOU? NO, I'M BUT I AM MAD AT YOU FOR MAKING LOVE WITH ME WHEN YOU DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO MAKE LOVE WITH ME.
SEE? I KNEW YOU'D BE MAD AT ME.
JACKIE, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S OK.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE TO MAKE LOVE AT THE SAME TIME.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
JACKIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
RIGHT! SO NEXT TIME YOU'LL JUST TELL ME, OK? RIGHT, RIGHT.
OK.
SO, HOW ABOUT DINNER? YOU STILL FEEL LIKE GOING OUT? YEAH, IF YOU DO.
I'VE HAD IT, ROSEANNE.
I HAVE REALLY, REALLY HAD IT.
IT'S TRUE, YOU KNOW? ALL WE EVER WIND UP DOING IS WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.
IF WE WANT TO GO OUT AND EAT, HE PICKS THE RESTAURANT.
IF WHEN WE WANT TO WATCH THE TV, HE GETS TO HOLD THE REMOTE.
DO WE EVER COME OVER AND JUST HANG AROUND WITH YOU AND DAN? NO.
RIGHT.
WELL, MAYBE HE'S MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS BECAUSE YOU'RE SITTING THERE GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT AND LETTING HIM MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS.
YEAH, BUT YOU SEE, WHAT HE DOES IS, HE LETS ME LET HIM MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS.
HE KNOWS THAT I DON'T WANT TO WATCH CABLE SPORTS NEWS.
WELL, HAVE YOU TOLD HIM THAT? NO.
BUT HE SHOULD KNOW.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL HIM THAT.
NO, HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ YOUR MIND.
NO, BUT, YOU KNOW YOU KNOW, ROSIE, HE SHOULD KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT BY NOW, I MEAN, YOU'D THINK.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE REALLY MESSING UP A GOOD THING HERE.
I MEAN, YOU MEET A GUY-- A REALLY NICE GUY, AND YOU'RE BLOWING IT.
YOU MEAN, YOU REALLY DO LIKE HIM? JACKIE! WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT IF I TELL HIM ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT ME, THEN HE WON'T LIKE ME SO MUCH BECAUSE MAYBE HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO ONLY LIKES WOMEN THAT HE CAN CONTROL.
WELL, NOW, YOU WOULD LIKE TO FIND OUT ABOUT THAT.
AND IF IT IS TRUE, THEN YOU DON'T WANT HIM AROUND ANYWAY.
I DON'T? NO.
JEEZ, YOU ARE A-- YOU HAVE YOUR OWN MOODS, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS.
YOU'RE A 3-DIMENSIONAL HUMAN BEING HERE.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME.
MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE GIDGET ON AN APHRODISIAC FOR THAT PAST THREE WEEKS.
IT'S JUST I LIKE HIM SO MUCH, AND I WANT HIM TO LIKE ME.
THEN JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO KNOW THE REAL YOU.
I MEAN, MAYBE HE'LL LIKE THAT GIRL JUST AS MUCH.
I CAN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE, ROSEANNE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO TALK TO HIM.
I AM BEING SUPPORTIVE.
ROSEANNE, STAY OUT OF THIS.
I AM STAYING OUT OF THIS.
SO, DID YOU TALK TO HIM? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO? AT 11:30? DON'T TELL ME GARY'S COMING OVER.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO COME OVER, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HIM UP AND TELL HIM THAT YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO COME OVER? NO, THAT'S STUPID.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE HIM MAD.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA END UP GETTING MAD AT YOURSELF.
SHE WANTS TO BE BY HERSELF, BUT SHE'S GOING TO LET HIM COME OVER AND SPEND THE NIGHT.
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST, YOU KNOW THEN HE CAN SPLIT? OH, ICK! YOU BETTER TALK TO HIM.
IF YOU'RE TIRED, JUST CALL AND TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE TIRED.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BUT YOU BETTER--YEAH.
OK, OK, BUT YOU BETTER TALK TO HIM, AND THEN YOU CALL ME IN THE MORNING, OK? OR ELSE I'LL JUST POP OVER, AND WE'LL HAVE BREAKFAST OR SOMETHING.
YEAH.
OK, BYE.
GREAT.
NOW, TURN OFF THE LIGHT.
SHE IS JUST TOTALLY GONE OVER THIS GUY.
SHE'S SO INFATUATED, SHE DOES WHATEVER HE TELLS HER TO DO.
AND SHE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING TO HIM.
I MEAN, SHE'S JUST LIKE THIS PUPPET, AND HE'S JUST, LIKE, PULLING ON HER STRINGS.
ROSEANNE, STAY OUT OF THIS.
IT'S AWFUL, BECAUSE IF SHE DOESN'T SPEAK UP, SHE IS, LIKE, GOING TO BLOW IT WITH THIS GUY, AND I REALLY CAN'T STAND TO SEE HER DO THAT AGAIN.
PLEASE, I BEG YOU.
SHE'S MY SISTER.
STAY OUT OF JACKIE'S LOVE LIFE.
WELL, MAYBE I WOULD IF I HAD ONE OF MY OWN.
ALL RIGHT.
IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
YEAH? IT'S ME.
COME ON, JACKIE, LET ME IN.
I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
WHAT'S GOING ON? NOTHING.
I'M JUST SITTING AROUND.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, JACKIE.
WHAT IS GOING ON? I MEAN YOU SAY IT'S OK FOR ME TO COME OVER, THEN YOU CALL ME BACK AND TELL ME NO, NO, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T COME OVER.
AND THEN YOU SAY, "NO, REALLY, IT'S OK, COME ON OVER.
" I THINK YOU OWE ME BETTER THAN THAT.
I OWE YOU? WELL, YEAH, YOU OWE ME.
OK, LOOK, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP, YEAH, I THINK AT LEAST YOU OWE ME THE COURTESY OF TELLING ME, FACE TO FACE.
YOU KNOW, JUST SAY, "LOOK, GARY, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE THE GREATEST GUY "I EVER MET, AND EVEN THOUGH "THIS IS THE BEST RELATIONSHIP "AND THE BEST SEX I'VE EVER HAD, "FOR SOME UNFORESEEN, RIDICULOUS REASON, I WANT TO BREAK IT OFF.
" SO, THEN, YOU THINK WHATEVER REASON I MIGHT HAVE IS JUST RIDICULOUS? AMAZING.
OF EVERYTHING THAT I JUST SAID, THAT'S THE ONE THING YOU FOCUS ON? YOU COULDN'T HAVE COME BACK TO ME WITH, "GEE, GARY, YOU REALLY THINK IT'S THE BEST RELATIONSHIP?" OR, "GEE, YOU REALLY THINK IT'S THE BEST SEX?" NO.
BECAUSE JUST YOU IMPLIED THAT ANY REASON I MIGHT HAVE IS GONNA BE RIDICULOUS, ANYWAY.
JACKIE, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE? LOOK, YOU GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME, I DON'T THINK IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I WANT TO HEAR IT.
ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, I WANT TO HEAR.
YOU KNOW, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'D LIKE TO HEAR YOU SAY SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE.
WHY DO I HAVE TO DECIDE EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME? YOU KNOW? THIS IS OUR RELATIONSHIP, IT'S NOT MY RELATIONSHIP.
IT'S OUR RELATIONSHIP.
HELP ME FLY THE DAMN PLANE.
SEE, I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN IF WE SLEPT TOGETHER.
WHAT? ALL THIS ALL THIS COMPLICATED AND ALL THE CONVERSATIONS AND ALL THIS ARGUING.
JACKIE, THIS ISN'T COMPLICATED.
THIS IS VERY SIMPLE.
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME.
WHY? WHAT DID I DO? YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME? [KNOCKING.]
HELLO? JUST A MINUTE.
JUST GIVE ME ONE SEC.
DID YOU TALK TO GARY? YEAH.
YEAH.
HANG ON A SEC.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU IN HERE.
YOU DIDN'T CALL ME AFTER HE LEFT LAST NIGHT.
I'M ASSUMING HE CAME OVER, KNOWING YOU'RE SUCH A WIMP.
YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAID WERE GOING TO SAY.
I'M NOT A WIMP, ROSEANNE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY COFFEE? NO.
SO, DID YOU TALK TO HIM? YEAH, I TALKED TO HIM.
OK? HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WAS UPSET LAST NIGHT.
HEY, YOU GOT COFFEE.
YOU'RE SITTING THERE, "OH, HI.
I JUST WANT TO BE BY MYSELF.
"I DON'T WANT GARY TO COME OVER.
" SO, DID YOU END UP TALKING TO HIM, OR DID YOU LET HIM COME OVER AND THEN TALK TO HIM? YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH.
I GUESS I DO.
YEAH.
YEAH, YOU DO.
THANKS A LOT.
WELL, NO NEED TO THANK ME.
GOOD-BYE, ROSEANNE.
GARY, COULD YOU EXCUSE US FOR A COUPLE MINUTES? I'D LIKE TO TALK TO JACKIE.
GARY, JUST STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
GARY, COULD YOU JUST, LIKE, GO IN THE BATHROOM FOR A MINUTE? UM, I'LL--I'LL JUST UM.
YEAH, I'LL BE IN HERE.
NICE BUTT.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN THE BATHROOM.
YES, YOU DID.
NO, I DIDN'T.
WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE, ANYWAY? I MEAN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SAID NOTHING TO HIM-- IF YOU HADN'T OPENED YOUR BIG MOUTH.
YEAH, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.
SHUT UP.
SHUT UP.
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM THAT, EITHER? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.
WELL, I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP, OK? I'M DOING OK BY MYSELF, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY? THAT MAN STANDING IN MY BATHROOM RIGHT NOW LOVES ME.
NO, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.
HE LOVES PERFECT WOMAN.
THE WOMAN WITH NO OPINIONS.
WELL, PERFECT WOMAN JUST HAPPENS TO BE IN THIS BODY RIGHT NOW.
AND WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I CAN ACTUALLY BECOME PERFECT WOMAN.
I'VE BEEN PULLING IT OFF FOR FOUR WEEKS, SO WHAT THE HELL? IT'S WORKING OUT PRETTY NICE.
HE LOVES ME, ROSEANNE.
WHY WOULD I WANT TO MESS THAT UP? OR, NO.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT ME TO MESS THAT UP? I DON'T, BUT THIS ISN'T EVEN YOU.
YOU'RE LOSING YOURSELF IN THIS GUY.
HE LOVES ME, ROSEANNE.
I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE TO YOU ANYMORE.
HEY, I'LL--I'LL CALL YOU, OK? HERE.
OH.
I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE.
YOU'RE GOING TO KICK ME OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT? YEAH, I'M GOING TO KICK YOU OUT OF MY APARTMENT.
AND I WANT YOU TO BUTT OUT OF MY LIFE.
COME ON, JACKIE.
GOOD-BYE.
I'M SORRY.
GOOD-BYE.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL [EASY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING.]
[WOMAN SCATTING.]
THERE'S A SOMEBODY I'M LONGIN' TO SEE I HOPE THAT HE TURNS OUT TO BE SOMEONE WHO'LL WATCH OVER ME-E-E SOMEONE WHO'LL WATCH OVER ME
[LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHTER.]
SO THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF STAYING OUT OF THINGS.
HEY, ALLS I'M DOING IS HAVING A NICE LITTLE FAMILY CASUAL GET-TOGETHER.
I'M NOT GETTING INVOLVED.
YOU CAN'T HELP YOURSELF, CAN YOU? YOU'RE AN ADDICT.
HEY, SHE'S MY SISTER, AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO MEET HER NEW FRIEND, LIKE THE SUPPORTIVE, LOVING PERSON THAT I AM.
HO HO! YOU'RE NOSY, ALICE! NOSY! I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED, DAN.
GARY! GARY, I COULD JUST SEE YOU HOLDING ONTO THE BACK OF THE TRUCK, SCREAMING AT SAM, "STOP! STOP!" I WAS WEARING LOAFERS, TOO.
I MEAN, NO TRACTION.
WHO'S SAM? SAM IS ONE OF THE INSTALLERS THAT WORKS FOR GARY'S GLASS COMPANY.
GARY LEARNED THE GLASS BUSINESS FROM HIS UNCLE, WHO HE USED TO WORK FOR IN THE SUMMERS, SO THAT HE COULD STAY IN SHAPE FOR WRESTLING.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT? YOU WRESTLED? YEAH.
YEAH.
165 POUNDS.
WIRY AND QUICK.
YOU ARE.
I ARE WHAT? WIRY AND QUICK.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? OH, I DIDN'T MEAN QUICK THAT WAY.
SO FINISH THE STORY.
DID SAM STOP, OR WERE YOU EVENTUALLY CRUSHED AND THEN FREED BY THE JAWS OF LIFE? WELL, YES.
NOW, SAM STOPPED, BUT--OH, GARY, YOU TELL IT.
OK.
HE STOPS ALL OF A SUDDEN.
I FALL DOWN.
IT PULLS ALL MY BELT LOOPS OFF, AND I'M SITTING ON THE GROUND WITH MY BELT UNDER MY ARMS.
ISN'T THAT A GREAT STORY? AREN'T THEY CUTE? WELL, THEY CAN'T HELP BUT BE CUTE, DAN.
THEY'RE YOUNG, AND THEY'RE IN LOVE, AND THEY'RE HEADED FOR A RAVINE.
NOW, NOW, BE SUPPORTIVE.
I'M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE, BUT SHE'S MAKING ME PUKE.
SHE'S ACTING JUST LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL.
ROSEANNE.
OK, EVERYBODY, DINNER'S READY.
COME AND EAT, CHILDREN.
OH, THANK YOU.
ARE THEY DOING THAT TONGUE THING? UH YEAH.
I USED TO WORK FOR SHERWOOD PLATE GLASS.
I WORKED WITH JIM SHERWOOD ON A COUPLE OF JOBS.
NICE OLD GUY.
HE'S A SLY OLD GUY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? HE'S OK.
HE'S OK?! HOW CAN YOU BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THIS MAN AND SAY HE'S OK? I DON'T KNOW, BECAUSE MAYBE I STILL HAVE PARTIAL USE OF MY BRAIN.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
AND DO GOOD WORK.
GARY'S COMPANY'S KNOWN FOR ITS GOOD WORK.
GARY'S GOT A REPUTATION.
THEN YOU TWO HAVE GOT A LOT IN COMMON.
JACKIE'S GOT A REPUTATION FOR BEING A GOOD COP.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
I'M JUST STARTING OUT ON THE FORCE, BUT GARY'S GOT A VERY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS.
HEY, YOU RISK YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY.
UM, WHERE'S THE HEAD? YONDER.
AHEM.
I'M LEAVING.
GOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, ANYWAY.
GOOD.
HEY, WAIT YEAH, TAKE GARY.
FOR GARY.
TAKE GARY WHERE? SHOW HIM THE GROUNDS.
MAYBE I'LL TAKE HIM OUT BACK AND TELL HIM WHAT HE'S REALLY GETTING HIMSELF INTO.
DAN.
MAYBE I'LL TELL HIM WHAT A CRAZY, NEUROTIC FAMILY THIS REALLY IS.
DAN.
DAN MAYBE I'LL TELL HIM THAT YOU STILL GOT YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS, AND WHEN THEY'RE NAUGHTY, YOU GET MAD AT THEM.
WELL, HE'S MY HUSBAND.
I HAVE TO TELL HIM EVERYTHING.
HEY, GAR.
YOU LIKE MOTORCYCLES? NO, NOT REALLY.
YOU LIKE BOATS? NAH.
HOW ABOUT A DRAFTY OLD GARAGE WITH A LOT OF GOOD JUNK LAYING AROUND? OH, YEAH, SURE.
COME ON OUT.
I'LL SHOW YOU MY MOTORCYCLE AND MY BOAT, AND WE CAN STAND AROUND AND GET THE FLU AND YOU TWO HENS CAN YAK IT UP.
YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK.
YAK YAK.
THIS IS A NICE LITTLE WORK AREA YOU GOT HERE.
YEAH, THANKS.
MY LITTLE ESCAPE.
YEAH, I HEAR YOU.
YOU MUST HAVE BEEN MARRIED.
NO, NOT YET.
UM BUT JACKIE TELLS ME YOU AND ROSEANNE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL? YEAH.
HARD TO BELIEVE.
AND YOU GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY STUPID.
NO, I'M ONLY KIDDING.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
WE'RE REALLY HAPPY.
IT'S OK, DAN.
I ALREADY KNOW THAT ANYTHING I TELL JACKIE GOES RIGHT BACK TO ROSEANNE.
BINGO.
HEY, BEING SINGLE IS NO BARGAIN, LET ME TELL YOU.
IT'S TOUGH MEETING PEOPLE.
YOU SEEM TO BE DOING OK.
OH, YEAH.
JACKIE, SHE'S, UM SHE'S SOMETHING.
JACKIE'S A GOOD KID.
YEAH, I'M NUTS ABOUT HER, MAN.
IT'S LIKE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER.
AND THE TRUTH IS I DON'T WANT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT HER BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M THINKING ABOUT HER, I'M HAPPY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SHE'S FUN.
SHE'S SEXY, AND SHE'S BRIGHT.
SHE'S A LITTLE CRAZY, TOO, BUT THAT'S OK WITH ME, BECAUSE I COULD USE A LITTLE CRAZINESS IN MY LIFE.
SHE CAN PROVIDE THAT.
YEAH.
I'M IN LOVE WITH HER, DAN.
HAVE YOU TOLD HER THAT YET? NO WAY.
THAT A BOY.
SIS? WHAT? I KNOW YOU REALLY LIKE GARY RIGHT NOW, AND YOU'RE THINKING THAT MAYBE HE'S THE GUY.
I KNOW.
I THINK HE IS.
I MEAN, HE'S GOOD, AND HE'S GENTLE.
ISN'T HE GENTLE? AND I LIKE HIS LOOKS.
YOU FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE, DON'T YOU? I JUST WANT TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU, AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THE ONLY REASON I'M SAYING IT IS BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH.
WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE HIM.
SIS.
OK, WHAT? TELL ME.
I DON'T WANT US TO GET INTO A FIGHT OVER THIS.
NO, WE WON'T GET IN A FIGHT.
OK, 'CAUSE THAT'S NOT WHY I'M MENTIONING IT.
MENTIONING WHAT? WHAT I'M GOING TO MENTION.
WHAT? REMEMBER LAST YEAR, YOU AND THAT GUY TONY? OH, ROSEANNE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
TONY! OH THIS IS NOTHING LIKE TONY.
WITH TONY, I WAS THIS GUSHING LITTLE HIGH SCHOOL GIRL.
I WAS TONY'S LOVE SLAVE.
TONY.
WELL, NOT JUST WITH TONY, SIS.
YOU'VE BEEN THIS WAY WITH A LOT OF GUYS.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE I HAVE, BUT WITH GARY, IT'S DIFFERENT, BECAUSE GARY AND I DO THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO ALL THE TIME-- OR WE WILL.
WE WILL AS SOON AS THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO DO.
YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT.
OK, JUST DROP IT.
OH, NOW SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
NO, I REALLY DON'T BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING COMPLETELY DEFENSIVE.
NO, I'M NOT BEING DEFENSIVE, ROSEANNE.
YOU'RE MORE DEFENSIVE THAN I AM.
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY BOYFRIEND, WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME OUT AND SAY SO?! WELL, HE'S NOT TAKING OVER MY LIFE.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, OK? NEVER MIND.
WE OBVIOUSLY CANNOT DISCUSS THIS LIKE TWO ADULTS, BECAUSE ONE OF US IS A CHILD.
OH? HOW AM I ACTING LIKE A CHILD? OH, FORGET ABOUT IT.
OH, SHE CAN BLAME IT, BUT SHE CAN'T NAME IT.
"I CAN BLAME IT, BUT I CAN'T--" YOU ARE WELL, YOU'RE YEAH, I AM SO WHAT OF IT? SO WHAT OF IT? JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, OK? NO, NOT OK.
DON'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE PEP RALLY YOU WANT TO GO ON-- I CAN'T BELIEVE I BRING HIM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE AND-- I SAID FORGET IT! AHH! SO YOU WANT TO GO OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT? SURE, IF YOU DO.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE? OH, I'M EASY.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE? LANFORD TAVERN OK? UM, YEAH, THAT'S FINE.
NO, IF YOU WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE-- NO, L.
T.
's FINE.
I DON'T KNOW IF WE CAN GET IN.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SAM'S BROTHER WORKS THERE.
SAM, HUH? YEAH.
OH, I GOT TO TELL YOU.
FRIDAY, SAM'S BACKING UP THE TRUCK.
I SAID, "LET ME GET OUT, AND I'LL HELP GUIDE YOU BACK.
" SO, OF COURSE, WHAT DOES SAM SAY? "NO PROBLEM.
GOT YOU COVERED.
" YEAH.
RIGHT.
SO HE STARTS BACKING UP, NO IDEA WHERE HE'S GOING, AND HE JUST ROARS THE THING BACKWARDS WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING, AND STOPS.
I GET OUT, HE'S THIS FAR FROM THE LOADING DOCK.
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS GUY'S GOT A SIXTH SENSE.
YOU GOTTA MEET HIM.
WE'LL GO OUT WITH HIM SOMETIME.
YEAH, WE MIGHT AS WELL.
YOU TALK ABOUT HIM ENOUGH.
BUT WHAT IF I MEET SAM, AND ALL HE DOES IS TELL GARY STORIES? WELL, YOU'LL PROBABLY LOVE THOSE.
YEAH, YOU AT WORK WITH SAM AND THE GLASS TRUCK.
HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? NOTHING.
NOTHING.
I'M I'M JUST FEELING A LITTLE TIRED, THAT'S ALL.
WELL, NO WONDER.
YOU JUST USED UP A LOT OF ENERGY.
YEAH, BUT I WAS TIRED BEFORE I USED UP ALL THAT ENERGY.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MAD AT ME.
MAD AT YOU? NO, I'M BUT I AM MAD AT YOU FOR MAKING LOVE WITH ME WHEN YOU DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO MAKE LOVE WITH ME.
SEE? I KNEW YOU'D BE MAD AT ME.
JACKIE, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SAY SOMETHING.
IT'S OK.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE TO MAKE LOVE AT THE SAME TIME.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
JACKIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
RIGHT! SO NEXT TIME YOU'LL JUST TELL ME, OK? RIGHT, RIGHT.
OK.
SO, HOW ABOUT DINNER? YOU STILL FEEL LIKE GOING OUT? YEAH, IF YOU DO.
I'VE HAD IT, ROSEANNE.
I HAVE REALLY, REALLY HAD IT.
IT'S TRUE, YOU KNOW? ALL WE EVER WIND UP DOING IS WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.
IF WE WANT TO GO OUT AND EAT, HE PICKS THE RESTAURANT.
IF WHEN WE WANT TO WATCH THE TV, HE GETS TO HOLD THE REMOTE.
DO WE EVER COME OVER AND JUST HANG AROUND WITH YOU AND DAN? NO.
RIGHT.
WELL, MAYBE HE'S MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS BECAUSE YOU'RE SITTING THERE GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT AND LETTING HIM MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS.
YEAH, BUT YOU SEE, WHAT HE DOES IS, HE LETS ME LET HIM MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS.
HE KNOWS THAT I DON'T WANT TO WATCH CABLE SPORTS NEWS.
WELL, HAVE YOU TOLD HIM THAT? NO.
BUT HE SHOULD KNOW.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL HIM THAT.
NO, HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ YOUR MIND.
NO, BUT, YOU KNOW YOU KNOW, ROSIE, HE SHOULD KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT BY NOW, I MEAN, YOU'D THINK.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE REALLY MESSING UP A GOOD THING HERE.
I MEAN, YOU MEET A GUY-- A REALLY NICE GUY, AND YOU'RE BLOWING IT.
YOU MEAN, YOU REALLY DO LIKE HIM? JACKIE! WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT IF I TELL HIM ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT ME, THEN HE WON'T LIKE ME SO MUCH BECAUSE MAYBE HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO ONLY LIKES WOMEN THAT HE CAN CONTROL.
WELL, NOW, YOU WOULD LIKE TO FIND OUT ABOUT THAT.
AND IF IT IS TRUE, THEN YOU DON'T WANT HIM AROUND ANYWAY.
I DON'T? NO.
JEEZ, YOU ARE A-- YOU HAVE YOUR OWN MOODS, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS.
YOU'RE A 3-DIMENSIONAL HUMAN BEING HERE.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME.
MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE GIDGET ON AN APHRODISIAC FOR THAT PAST THREE WEEKS.
IT'S JUST I LIKE HIM SO MUCH, AND I WANT HIM TO LIKE ME.
THEN JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO KNOW THE REAL YOU.
I MEAN, MAYBE HE'LL LIKE THAT GIRL JUST AS MUCH.
I CAN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE, ROSEANNE.
YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO TALK TO HIM.
I AM BEING SUPPORTIVE.
ROSEANNE, STAY OUT OF THIS.
I AM STAYING OUT OF THIS.
SO, DID YOU TALK TO HIM? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO? AT 11:30? DON'T TELL ME GARY'S COMING OVER.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO COME OVER, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HIM UP AND TELL HIM THAT YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO COME OVER? NO, THAT'S STUPID.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE HIM MAD.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA END UP GETTING MAD AT YOURSELF.
SHE WANTS TO BE BY HERSELF, BUT SHE'S GOING TO LET HIM COME OVER AND SPEND THE NIGHT.
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST, YOU KNOW THEN HE CAN SPLIT? OH, ICK! YOU BETTER TALK TO HIM.
IF YOU'RE TIRED, JUST CALL AND TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE TIRED.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BUT YOU BETTER--YEAH.
OK, OK, BUT YOU BETTER TALK TO HIM, AND THEN YOU CALL ME IN THE MORNING, OK? OR ELSE I'LL JUST POP OVER, AND WE'LL HAVE BREAKFAST OR SOMETHING.
YEAH.
OK, BYE.
GREAT.
NOW, TURN OFF THE LIGHT.
SHE IS JUST TOTALLY GONE OVER THIS GUY.
SHE'S SO INFATUATED, SHE DOES WHATEVER HE TELLS HER TO DO.
AND SHE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING TO HIM.
I MEAN, SHE'S JUST LIKE THIS PUPPET, AND HE'S JUST, LIKE, PULLING ON HER STRINGS.
ROSEANNE, STAY OUT OF THIS.
IT'S AWFUL, BECAUSE IF SHE DOESN'T SPEAK UP, SHE IS, LIKE, GOING TO BLOW IT WITH THIS GUY, AND I REALLY CAN'T STAND TO SEE HER DO THAT AGAIN.
PLEASE, I BEG YOU.
SHE'S MY SISTER.
STAY OUT OF JACKIE'S LOVE LIFE.
WELL, MAYBE I WOULD IF I HAD ONE OF MY OWN.
ALL RIGHT.
IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
YEAH? IT'S ME.
COME ON, JACKIE, LET ME IN.
I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
WHAT'S GOING ON? NOTHING.
I'M JUST SITTING AROUND.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, JACKIE.
WHAT IS GOING ON? I MEAN YOU SAY IT'S OK FOR ME TO COME OVER, THEN YOU CALL ME BACK AND TELL ME NO, NO, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T COME OVER.
AND THEN YOU SAY, "NO, REALLY, IT'S OK, COME ON OVER.
" I THINK YOU OWE ME BETTER THAN THAT.
I OWE YOU? WELL, YEAH, YOU OWE ME.
OK, LOOK, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP, YEAH, I THINK AT LEAST YOU OWE ME THE COURTESY OF TELLING ME, FACE TO FACE.
YOU KNOW, JUST SAY, "LOOK, GARY, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE THE GREATEST GUY "I EVER MET, AND EVEN THOUGH "THIS IS THE BEST RELATIONSHIP "AND THE BEST SEX I'VE EVER HAD, "FOR SOME UNFORESEEN, RIDICULOUS REASON, I WANT TO BREAK IT OFF.
" SO, THEN, YOU THINK WHATEVER REASON I MIGHT HAVE IS JUST RIDICULOUS? AMAZING.
OF EVERYTHING THAT I JUST SAID, THAT'S THE ONE THING YOU FOCUS ON? YOU COULDN'T HAVE COME BACK TO ME WITH, "GEE, GARY, YOU REALLY THINK IT'S THE BEST RELATIONSHIP?" OR, "GEE, YOU REALLY THINK IT'S THE BEST SEX?" NO.
BECAUSE JUST YOU IMPLIED THAT ANY REASON I MIGHT HAVE IS GONNA BE RIDICULOUS, ANYWAY.
JACKIE, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE? LOOK, YOU GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME, I DON'T THINK IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I WANT TO HEAR IT.
ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, I WANT TO HEAR.
YOU KNOW, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'D LIKE TO HEAR YOU SAY SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE.
WHY DO I HAVE TO DECIDE EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME? YOU KNOW? THIS IS OUR RELATIONSHIP, IT'S NOT MY RELATIONSHIP.
IT'S OUR RELATIONSHIP.
HELP ME FLY THE DAMN PLANE.
SEE, I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN IF WE SLEPT TOGETHER.
WHAT? ALL THIS ALL THIS COMPLICATED AND ALL THE CONVERSATIONS AND ALL THIS ARGUING.
JACKIE, THIS ISN'T COMPLICATED.
THIS IS VERY SIMPLE.
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME.
WHY? WHAT DID I DO? YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME? [KNOCKING.]
HELLO? JUST A MINUTE.
JUST GIVE ME ONE SEC.
DID YOU TALK TO GARY? YEAH.
YEAH.
HANG ON A SEC.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU IN HERE.
YOU DIDN'T CALL ME AFTER HE LEFT LAST NIGHT.
I'M ASSUMING HE CAME OVER, KNOWING YOU'RE SUCH A WIMP.
YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAID WERE GOING TO SAY.
I'M NOT A WIMP, ROSEANNE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY COFFEE? NO.
SO, DID YOU TALK TO HIM? YEAH, I TALKED TO HIM.
OK? HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WAS UPSET LAST NIGHT.
HEY, YOU GOT COFFEE.
YOU'RE SITTING THERE, "OH, HI.
I JUST WANT TO BE BY MYSELF.
"I DON'T WANT GARY TO COME OVER.
" SO, DID YOU END UP TALKING TO HIM, OR DID YOU LET HIM COME OVER AND THEN TALK TO HIM? YOU KNOW, ROSEANNE, YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH.
I GUESS I DO.
YEAH.
YEAH, YOU DO.
THANKS A LOT.
WELL, NO NEED TO THANK ME.
GOOD-BYE, ROSEANNE.
GARY, COULD YOU EXCUSE US FOR A COUPLE MINUTES? I'D LIKE TO TALK TO JACKIE.
GARY, JUST STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
GARY, COULD YOU JUST, LIKE, GO IN THE BATHROOM FOR A MINUTE? UM, I'LL--I'LL JUST UM.
YEAH, I'LL BE IN HERE.
NICE BUTT.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN THE BATHROOM.
YES, YOU DID.
NO, I DIDN'T.
WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE, ANYWAY? I MEAN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SAID NOTHING TO HIM-- IF YOU HADN'T OPENED YOUR BIG MOUTH.
YEAH, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.
SHUT UP.
SHUT UP.
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM THAT, EITHER? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.
WELL, I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP, OK? I'M DOING OK BY MYSELF, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY? THAT MAN STANDING IN MY BATHROOM RIGHT NOW LOVES ME.
NO, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.
HE LOVES PERFECT WOMAN.
THE WOMAN WITH NO OPINIONS.
WELL, PERFECT WOMAN JUST HAPPENS TO BE IN THIS BODY RIGHT NOW.
AND WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I CAN ACTUALLY BECOME PERFECT WOMAN.
I'VE BEEN PULLING IT OFF FOR FOUR WEEKS, SO WHAT THE HELL? IT'S WORKING OUT PRETTY NICE.
HE LOVES ME, ROSEANNE.
WHY WOULD I WANT TO MESS THAT UP? OR, NO.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT ME TO MESS THAT UP? I DON'T, BUT THIS ISN'T EVEN YOU.
YOU'RE LOSING YOURSELF IN THIS GUY.
HE LOVES ME, ROSEANNE.
I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE TO YOU ANYMORE.
HEY, I'LL--I'LL CALL YOU, OK? HERE.
OH.
I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE.
YOU'RE GOING TO KICK ME OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT? YEAH, I'M GOING TO KICK YOU OUT OF MY APARTMENT.
AND I WANT YOU TO BUTT OUT OF MY LIFE.
COME ON, JACKIE.
GOOD-BYE.
I'M SORRY.
GOOD-BYE.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL [EASY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING.]
[WOMAN SCATTING.]
THERE'S A SOMEBODY I'M LONGIN' TO SEE I HOPE THAT HE TURNS OUT TO BE SOMEONE WHO'LL WATCH OVER ME-E-E SOMEONE WHO'LL WATCH OVER ME