The Middle s02e21 Episode Script

Mother's Day.
It's about more than brunch, corsages and cards.
It's about taking a moment to make that special woman in your life feel extra special.
This Sunday is Mother's Day.
And I've got a real soft spot when it comes to moms.
So, Frances, you'll need to work so the boys can spend the day with theirs.
But, Mr.
Ehlert, I'm an actual mother.
I can't work on Mother's Day.
Hey, maybe you'll get a pity sale.
Just look a little more raggedy than usual and put on a sad face.
Yeah, that's the one.
Okay, back to work.
Don't worry.
I'll cover for you Sunday.
Really? Oh, thank you.
Wait.
But didn't you say you and your mom were doing a whole spa-day thing? That was the plan, but she's spending the day with her new boyfriend.
And she hasn't exactly told him about me yet.
- How long have they been dating? - About a year.
I have to stop now.
I only scheduled Legos from 4:55 to 5:19.
Which leaves me two minutes of transition time till my mom comes.
He's a little quirky.
Quirky.
- Hey, that's your mom.
- Hey, there's your mom.
Arlo, I'm a minute early.
Don't sweat it.
He's ready to go, aren't you, pal? Brick had fun.
Mind if the boys did this again? Arlo is wide-open.
- Brick too.
Sounds good.
- Great.
You could have asked me.
Lot of work, that kid.
Lot of work.
Oh, epic fail.
You munched it bad, Darrin.
Ha, ha.
Okay.
I gotta dash.
Stew in your stupid, bro.
You blew it.
You will not believe what a bonehead Darrin is.
- Oh, I might.
- You don't text a chick to ask her to prom before the 15th.
It's like an ironclad rule.
In my opinion, you don't text a chick to ask her anything.
You talk to her face-to-face.
Yeah, well, I'm not some dinosaur from the 1800s.
No offense.
Oh, none taken.
So, what's so special about the 15th? It's basic science.
Two weeks out, you go after your gold-circle hotties your premium floor-level seats.
And if you land one, sweet, but if you get shot down you lower your requirements day after day as the chicks' desperation grows until they converge and, bam you lock in your level somewhere between front row and loge.
If you start too early, you got no chance at the floor seats.
You're stuck up in the nosebleeds with some uggo.
Mike, you're not gonna believe this.
Mr.
Ehlert wanted me to work on Sunday.
This Sunday.
Mother's Day? Oh, I know.
I was just too stunned to respond.
What a jerk.
Sue, Axl, Brick, get in here.
Oh, so that's why everybody was making those potholders.
- I probably should have done one.
- How could we forget Mother's Day again? I count on you guys to remember this stuff.
How was I to know it's a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar.
I feel horrible.
I just love Mom so much.
She deserves the best Mother's Day ever.
That ship has sailed.
We got three days to slap something together that doesn't suck.
What does your mom like? - She likes driving us places.
- Doing our laundry and stuff.
And making us soup.
No, she doesn't.
Whose mom are you thinking of? I'm talking about a present.
What present would she like? This should be easy.
The woman has nothing.
Last year, I remember her saying she wished everyone would just leave her alone for the day.
I enjoyed that menopause book I read on the airplane.
Hang on, Brick.
Let's let Sue finish.
Sue, she really said that? I totally remember her screaming it to Grandma.
Hm.
You really think we could pass that off as our present? The gift of not us.
I like it.
So listen, I wanna float something by you.
Oh, no.
That thing from the magazine? Fun, but I don't think it'd work with our height difference.
I disagree, but I was talking about Mother's Day.
Now, the kids and I have been talking about what to get you for weeks now and we were wondering how you would feel if as your gift, we just left you alone for the day.
Yes.
Oh, Mike, yes.
I would love it.
Not that I don't wanna be with you and the kids.
We know.
We wanna be with you too.
- But if they're excited about the idea - They are pretty excited.
If they're excited, I guess we should do it.
Went for it.
All you gotta do is make her a card and we're home free.
Card? Aww So Mother's Day was here and I woke up to a sound I'd never heard before: silence.
Mike? Axl? Brick? Sue? I didn't know what to do first.
Read? Sleep.
Ooh, watch Oprah.
Ooh, maybe even go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door.
Damn it, don't have to go.
Since I accidentally borrowed a few People magazines from my last dentist visit I decided to read.
And then I remembered something.
I'm blind.
But when I went to the junk drawer for my glasses, stupid thing was stuck.
But you know what? Not a problem.
I had a whole free day ahead of me and I'd been wanting to fix that drawer for weeks.
An hour later, I was done.
Just had to put the giant screwdriver back where it belonged and the rest of the day was mine.
Oh, there's that flashlight.
I decided to go through the batteries.
Gotta have a flashlight with batteries.
But when I went to put it in Mike's nightstand, it was stuck too.
And then I found something you never want to find in your husband's nightstand, something I couldn't ignore: an unpaid gas bill.
Billing! Billing! I pressed four.
I wanna talk to a human.
Human! Ugh! And then, after defrosting the freezer and Scotchgarding the winter shoes I don't even know how I ended up here.
Crap.
Oh, no.
It can't be 7:45.
This can't be happening.
I blew my whole Mother's Day.
- Hey, there she is, reading on the couch.
- We're home.
- So did you have a great Mother's Day? - So great.
- How was your day? - Oh, I'll let the kids tell you.
Guys? - Oh, it was amazing.
- Oh, it was so good.
- So awesome.
- Slow down.
One at a time.
- We wound up going to Brown County.
- You went to Brown County? I love Brown County.
I didn't know you were planning on going.
No, we weren't.
We were just driving around.
We were halfway there.
Figured, "What the hell?" There was this fair with all these rides and a huge Ferris wheel.
It was awesome.
I was a little scared at first, but then Axl tickled me and I forgot.
She had the funniest laugh, so we started laughing.
And then the whole Ferris wheel was laughing.
Then we had a picnic lunch.
- Of course you did.
- You should've been there.
We had rhubarb lemonade and pretzel-crusted fried chicken.
And these tiny cakes baked in a Jell-O mold.
And we met this amazing family named the Clarys.
They had these kids that were exactly our age.
- We ended up playing volleyball.
- Net face! - Net face! - Net face! - What's net face? - Whenever we needed a point Dad would stick his face in the net and go, "Net face.
Net face.
" And the Clarys would crack, aha-ha, and they couldn't make the point.
- You're so funny, Dad.
- Stop.
- Stop.
- Why don't you stop? Oh, hey, almost forgot.
We got something for you.
Oh.
You got one of those old-timey photos I always wanted to take as a family but nobody has had the patience to do it.
Yep.
Now you'll always remember this Mother's Day.
I sure will.
It's funny, I've never been a good gift-giver, but I gotta tell you I really think we nailed this one.
- Yep.
Play your cards right, I might even leave you alone on Christmas.
Hey, whoa, what's going on? What's this? What's happening? - I had a horrible Mother's Day.
- What are you talking about? - You said you had a great day.
- I lied.
I couldn't find my glasses and I shoved the spatula in the stuck drawer and the freezer was all crusty and I just frittered away the whole day.
The whole day.
And you guys had the best day ever in Brown County.
Oh, no, no.
It wasn't that great.
It was hot and it was crowded.
There were so many moms there.
No, that's not what I meant.
We didn't have fun, because we all missed you.
Oh, please.
Look at this picture.
You have never been happier.
It's as if you had the Mother's Day you would have had if I were dead.
No, Frankie, stop it.
We could have another Mother's Day, okay? - Yeah, next year.
- No, next weekend.
We can all go back to Brown County and do it again with you.
How does that sound? You think you might stop crying if we did that? I think I might.
Mom screwed up her Mother's Day, so next Sunday, we're doing it again.
Aww Second Mother's Day can't start without us.
Let's hit the road.
Quit messing with the phone and get in the car.
Shh.
It's the 15th.
I'm texting my number-one prom draft pick, Maddie Heldman.
Here it goes.
"You, me, prom.
" Answer in 30 minutes or I move on.
I'm glad we're doing a redo.
Last week, I forgot my money.
I couldn't buy anything at the gift shop.
This week, I've got $17 in my change purse and I plan on spending 13 of it.
- Oh, fun.
See, this is the way Mother's Day should be.
How often do we get to do things with just our family? Hi.
Arlo's here for his playdate.
Oh, yeah.
No, we're kind of doing a family thing today.
He's already put it in his date book.
If you change it, he could really flip out.
- Aw.
What happened to the fair? - Sorry, folks.
It's all coming down.
It was just special last week for Mother's Day.
Hey, who needs rides, anyway? Spending time with my family is all that matters.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Brick, you wanna take Arlo? Mrs.
Heck, are you still here? Yes, Arlo, I'm still here.
I've been here for 15 minutes.
Can you put your foot under the door so I believe you? This isn't happening.
I'm supposed to get a text from Maddie about prom and I got no bars.
I've been all over this place, from the candle shop all the way to the other candle shop.
No bars.
Okay, let's get this party started.
Ha-ha-ha.
Arlo, you can let go now.
- So, what should we do first? - Last week, we had a picnic lunch.
They give you big blankets to spread out in the park.
Oh, that sounds perfect.
And I heard all about that pretzel-crusted fried chicken and cake baked in Jell-O.
I would eat your shoe if it was baked in Jell-O.
You got it.
Axl, put your phone away.
Sue, decide already.
It's your mom's special day.
- We're having a picnic.
- Whoo! I'd like to purchase this Indiana cow creamer, please.
Wait a minute.
Pine-cone earrings with a matching necklace? Aah! I'm sorry.
We aren't serving food today.
That was just special last week for Mother's Day.
Okay, we got a choice between ham and cheese turkey and cheese, and cheese and cheese.
Frankie, it's your special day, so you get first dibs.
Mrs.
Heck, I have allergies.
Of course you do.
I'm allergic to wheat, gluten, dairy and cats.
Well, thank you, Arlo, but I don't think you're gonna be eating cat sandwiches.
Or maybe you will.
Okay, I just got the best gift from the gift shop.
It's a plaque that says Are you ready? - "Nurses call the shots.
" Get it? Shots? Because nurses give people shots.
Maybe it's only funny if you're a nurse, which I am not.
I'll be right back.
This is fun.
Yeah, this is fun.
Okay, Arlo, buddy, sitting a little close there.
How about giving me a few inches here, huh? So, what else did you guys do last week? Ah.
Well, we played volleyball.
Well, bring it on.
Net face! Net face! Axl, get over here.
We're gonna play volleyball.
Oh, my God.
I still can't get service because I'm stuck in this backwoods, hillbilly tourist trap.
Not a tourist trap.
It's a cultural center.
How cool is this hat? I mean, I love drinking beverages, but it's such a hassle holding the cups and now I don't have to.
I'll go back and get something else.
No.
No one's going anywhere until we play volleyball.
Mrs.
Heck? Okay, we're back.
Who wants to be on my team? Arlo, you're on Brick's side.
All this stupid redo stuff.
My last birthday kind of sucked.
Do I get a redo? How about Sue? She's had a crappy 14 years.
- Does she get a redo? - Hey.
But the Clary family isn't even here.
They're what made it fun.
We don't need the Clarys to have fun.
We got Hecks.
Okay, you ready? I got a killer serve.
Who's up for an old-timey photo? Are you sure you can't find a cute cancan-girl costume? I've always wanted to be a cancan girl.
You know, with the feather and maybe a bottle of hooch? They're already put away.
Look, I'm doing you a favor.
I'm supposed to be closed already.
Sue, Axl, Brick, let's go.
- Are you sure this time? - Positive.
Can you imagine how cool I'll be at school with this giant pencil? Everyone will be like, "There's the girl with the giant pencil.
" - I love it.
- How are you gonna sharpen it? Come on, Sue.
The photographer has to leave.
Arlo, stop yanking my chain.
Where's Brick? I don't know.
He was here a second ago.
Brick! I'll go look.
Wait, a signal.
I got it.
Heh.
I lost it.
Unh! Lady, I really gotta go.
How about I just take one of you and your son? He's not my Screw it.
Just take the picture.
Brick, you're supposed to be inside.
I needed a break from Arlo.
You know, it was an interesting experiment, but I don't need a friend.
I did it.
I finally got the perfect souvenir.
What does an octopus have to do with Brown County? Duh.
His hat says, "I heart Brown County.
" Plus, I just love the ocean so much.
Hey, there she is.
I found everybody and we're ready to take that picture.
It's over, Mike.
We took it.
It's something mother and son's friend will treasure forever.
If you want the kids to take a picture, they'll take a picture even if I have to crack heads to get it.
- Forget it.
Let's just give up and go home.
- Yes! - No way.
- Why not? It's what she wants.
- Excuse me.
Ferris wheel's up.
How about you let us take a ride? What? Sorry.
No can do.
Listen, this is for my wife.
She screwed up her Mother's Day.
This is a redo and nothing's going right.
But you got a Ferris wheel and she loves Ferris wheels.
This could turn the whole thing around for me.
I'll give you 10 bucks.
Happy Mother's Day, ma'am.
You got five minutes.
- We're going on a Ferris wheel! - Let's do this so I can go home.
Mrs.
Heck? Okay, we're back.
Brick, are you sure you don't wanna ride with Arlo? Sorry.
Love to, but I'm already in.
Whoo.
Whoo! Wow, isn't this great? Isn't this fun, kids? It is now.
I'm getting a signal.
I've got bars! Wow, you can see for miles.
I bet it wasn't this pretty last week.
- Isn't this wonderful? - Octie! Can you please be careful with Octie? I think I might wanna return him for a chicken-head oven mitt.
The text.
I finally got the text.
Ha, ha! Yes.
She said yes.
I'm going to the prom with Ashley.
Ha, ha.
Wait.
Who's Ashley? Oh, God.
I texted the wrong number.
Thanks for the crappy phone with the small buttons, Mom and Dad.
Ugh.
Well, this sucks.
I thought it would be hard to top last week's Mother's Day but I think we've done it.
Well, I'm sorry Mother's Day was so miserable for you.
- Mike, I'm not blaming you.
- Really? Because it sounds like you are.
No, no, it's not your fault.
I mean, maybe sneaking off to Brown County last week wasn't the greatest idea, but - I didn't sneak off.
Well, you didn't tell me.
You said you wanted to be left alone.
I didn't think you cared.
Oh, come on.
You know I have always wanted to come to Brown County.
Have you wanted to come to Brown County? Not that I remember.
You're here now, having the time of your life.
Well, we got kids in the gift shop, Axl on his cell phone, and I bring you to Brown County, you're not happy.
I gave you the day to yourself, you're not happy.
I worked hard to give you the Mother's Day you wanted.
Oh.
Pfft.
- What's a pfft? - You didn't work that hard.
You don't think I heard you three days before Mother's Day? "Sue, Brick, Axl, get in here!" Then you left me alone for Mother's Day.
How hard was that? - That's what you wanted.
- It's not.
- It's what you said.
- I didn't know what I wanted.
- I thought it'd be fun.
It wasn't.
- When I got the kids home I thought you'd thank me.
- For what? For sucking down Jell-O cakes with the Clarys while I had my arms in the toilet? You know, next Father's Day how about I take the kids out and leave you alone all day? - Huh? How about that? - Great.
Oh, yeah, you know what? You would just love that.
- It's so easy being a man.
- Not right now, it isn't.
I don't know what more I could've done.
I gave you two Mother's Days.
- Two crappy ones.
- Okay.
You know what, Frankie? And then Mike said something you shouldn't say to any woman on any day, especially her second Mother's Day.
You know what? That's it.
I'm out of here.
- Where you gonna go? We're stuck.
- No, you're stuck.
A little farther down than you thought, huh, Frankie? Let's get you to the couch.
Do you think Arlo ever heard that word before? Because he acted like he never heard that word.
You should have said it earlier, Dad.
Sure made him quiet in the car.
Yeah, but I should never have said that to your mom no matter how many Mother's Days she made me give her.
Okay, here we go.
Magazines, remote, peach pie from Neptune's Grill.
Happy Mother's Day.
I'm sorry, Mike.
I know I was acting crazy.
It's just that sometimes, as a mom When you're with your kids, you wanna be alone.
When you're alone, you wanna be with them.
No matter where you are, you feel guilty you're not in the other place, you know? - No.
- No? I don't feel guilt that way.
Ever.
Sorry.
Jeez, fathers shouldn't even get a day.
- No guilt.
That must be nice.
- It really is.
Okay, kids, let's vamoose and let your mom relax in peace.
- Okay.
Good night, Mom.
Love you.
- Wait, wait.
Where you going? It's still Mother's Day.
I wanna be with you.
Okay.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Yonk.
You know what? Not this close.
I just wanna see you guys.
Maybe you could go over there and just get along or something? - Sure, okay.
Uh-huh.
Perfect.
Now, this is the Mother's Day I always wanted.