Desperate Housewives s02e23 Episode Script

oh, please, that's what neighbors are for.
well, welcome to wisteria lane.
when you're finished unpacking, why don't you come over for a cup of coffee? oh, wow! i have a neighbor who just asked me over for coffee.
i'm sorry.
you must think i'm a lunatic.
oh, no, no, i don't.
i think you're charming.
and your baby looks like a genius to me.
oh, she is.
and we're gonna be so happy here.
(gasps) look at your new home.
you're not gonna walk me into a wall, are you? of course not, but when yosee it for the first time, i want you to get the whole impact.
ta-da! okay, now i know it's a little more cramped than we're used to, but we can't stay at bree's forever.
she's gonna be coming back from that spa vacation soon.
besides, it's gonna be fun.
why are you doing this to me? i get good grades.
i don't do drugs.
i've never come home pregnant.
honey, i am trying my hardest to stand on my own two feet.
all right, i've got six book proposals in the works.
i'm gonna try to supervise the rebuilding of this house, but you know, i can't do it without your support.
and i want you to be proud of me.
(sighs) fine.
let's take a look inside.
ohh! that's my girl.
(giggles) so is there anything you should prepare me for? no! no.
it's all good.
oh! but you should know that your bed doubles as the dining table, and the toilet's in the shower.
honey, look.
i bought us matching golf outfits for our lessons tomorrow.
yeah, about that-- i can't go.
i gotta pick up trash on the freeway.
i'm sorry? i have to do my community service.
it's part of my parole, remember? oh, okay, well, i'll just call the country club and cancel our lessons.
no, no, no.
i an, i paid already.
might as well go without me.
i don't wanna go alone.
it was your idea in the first place.
and i'd love to be there with you, too, if i didn't have to scrape slushies and condoms off route 57.
look, what's the big deal? just go take the stupid lesson.
fine, if you feel that way about it.
hey, i'm sorry.
oh, would you look at this crap? he has been doing that all day.
ralph has a little crush.
so? so can't i get a gardener who isn't trying to sleep with someone in my house? you pay 6 bucks an hour.
it's all about the perks, honey.
susan, have you talked to lynette? uh, no.
have you trieder cell? yeah, she isn't picking up.
do you know where she is? uh, no, i'm sorry.
susan, i think you do.
i really don't, tom.
is everything okay? yeah.
yeah, we just had a fight.
listen, if you talk to her, will you please ask her to call me? thank you.
(cell phone rings) hello? he was just here.
i think you should call him.
i can't.
i can't.
i'm sorry.
i just can't.
mom! yeah.
hang on.
i'll call you later.
okay.
bye.
yeah? when is daddy coming? i wanna show him my dive.
he's not coming, sweetheart.
but you could show me.
(indistinct conversations) you have to talk to noah.
but he creeps me out.
who cares? this is my life we're talking about.
i need a big-time lawyer in my corner, and where else are we gonna get that kind of money? noah's not gonna give me a dime if he knows it's for you.
he hates your guts.
tell him it's for you.
tell him you want a car.
tell him you're ready for him to buy your love.
trust me.
dying men are nothing if not sentimental.
why do you need so much, anyway? i thought only guilty men needed expensive lawyers.
felicia has obviously been planning this for months.
who knows what other kind of evidence she's planted? with my luck, they'll open up the martha huber murder again, try to nail me with some d.
n.
a.
you swore to me that you had nothing to do with that.
i didn't.
look, why are we arguing? i'm your father.
do what i'm telling you to do.
you're not my real father.
you ungrateful little i rescue you from that miserable junkie.
i give you a home, a life worth living, i need the money, zach.
if you won't do it for me, at least do it for your mother.
after all, she killed herself trying to protect you.
i met bree van de kamp the first day she moved to wisteria lane.
there are certain people, who, when you meet them, can't help but make a delightful first impression.
hello.
i'm bree van de kamp, your new neighbor.
is this your frog? bree was not one of them.
yes.
why? well, it seems that my son stole it from your yard.
oh, well, i don't mind.
if he likes it so much, he's welcome to keep it.
well, don't tell him that.
if he doesn't feel guilty, he'll never learn shame.
hey, what's going on? oh.
um, this i our new neighbor.
it seems her son accidentally took my garden frog.
oh.
please don't make excuses for him.
that is exactly what his father does.
rex! this is my husband rex.
hi.
we're not weird.
we just seem like we are.
and this is my son the criminal.
go on.
i'm sorry i stole from you.
just so you know, my mom did teach me right from wrong, so my actions should in no way influence your opinion of her as a parent.
wow.
well, is there anything you'd like to say to my son? feel free to be harsh.
no, i'm i'm good.
well, now that we've finished with all this unpleasantness, i want to assure you that we are going to be good neighbors, and i hope in time, great friends.
that sounds lovely.
come on.
oh, wait.
i'm--i'm sorry.
it was rex, andrew and what was your name again? bree? what? you're bree van de kamp, right? do i know you? orson hodge.
uh, susan's dentist friend.
we met after her house burned down.
oh.
i'm so sorry.
i didn't recognize you.
small word, huh? yes.
uh, excruciatingly so.
ah.
what are you doing here? well, three or four times a week, i visit my--my friend.
what about you? oh, i just thought id be a lovely place to take a nice, long rest.
ah.
um, listen, i told my friends that i was, um, i was at a spa, so if you run into susan, i-- your secret is safe.
and seriously (lowers voice) i am not like these other people.
oh, i can tell.
a real lady always stands out in a crowd.
well, that was very sweet.
enjoy your rest, bree van de kamp.
boy, do i feel for you.
trying to convince your friends that you're still normal, and you're surrounded by a bunch of loons.
you, too? oh, please.
dr.
barr goes out of his way to make me feel like a complete psychopath.
i think he's crazier than the patients, actually.
you know that, um, that woman in the wheelchair? what's her story? yeah, she's a kooky one.
she hasn't spoken a word since she got here.
she just sits there all day long waiting for your friend to come and visit.
he talks to her for hours, but i don't even think she can hear him.
oh, hi.
you said to stop by for coffee sometime.
i got coffee.
so i can't believe you caught me spraying for ants.
i must look like a wreck.
actually, you look kinda sexy.
you've gotta be kidding.
oh, the way you're taking charge--it's impressive.
they're just ants, and they're tiny.
of course, they do outnumber me.
oh, you said you wanted to handle things yourself, and you're making it happen.
it's good to see.
thanks.
even if it does mean you're not in the market for a relationship right now.
oh.
did i say that? you certainly implied it.
well, sometimes i say things i don't mean.
i blame it on my frequent exposure to ant spray.
what the hell is this? karl.
what do you want? well, i can't believe you're forcing our daughter to live in a house with wheels.
i think we need to talk about this.
it's temporary, and if you don't mind, i'm having coffee.
oh, it's okay, susan.
hey, sorry.
i don't mean to chase you out, buddy, but, uh, this is really a family thing.
oh, no, i understand.
cool.
mmm.
ll call you later.
you've got a great swing.
you just need a little help around the greens.
you know what they say-- drive for show, putt for dough.
am i right? (laughs) that is so true.
all right.
i'll see you out there.
okay.
make me something strong.
i have nine more holes with that guy.
jim, it was just an hour ago that the road crew working here on route 57 saw a member of thr own killed by oncoming traffic.
the victim was a hispanic male in his early 40s who, for years, was a prominent businessman in the area.
police aren't releasing a name until the next of kin can be notified.
we, of course, will keep you updated (cell phone rings) on any late-breaking developments as this tragic story unfolds.
(ring) reporting live from route 57, this is craig siyumina.
back to you.
mrs.
solis! why you home? carlos is dead, xiao-mei.
no, please don't kill him.
no, you don't understand.
he's already dead.
there was an accident.
he's all over the highway.
no he in kitchen.
hey, babe.
why you home so early? oh, honey! oh, you're not dead! who said i was dead? the police.
they called me.
what are you talking about? honey, they didn't know all the details, but a witness said that they saw you run into the carpool lane to pick up a lawn chair that had fallen off some truck, and then a bus hit you right in front of the road crew.
why aren't you at the road crew? i paid ralph to go in my place.
what? well, carlos, they had your name.
oh, no.
poor ralph.
oh! why is your back all sweaty? i was working out on the treadmill.
barefoot? (scoffs) for god sakes, gabrielle, ralph just died, and you're worried about my feet? i mean, what the hell is wrong with you? my fault.
sorry.
you must find that very peaceful.
why would you assume that? because that's all you've been doing for three sessions.
i still don't know anything about you, except that you rake in remarkably straight lines.
is that what you're doing, asking me all those ridiculous questns about my childhood, trying to get to know me? well, here's a clue.
i'm not crazy.
i just have a few issues.
and psychotherapy is how we help you deal with those issues.
what kind of treatment did you think you were going to get? honestly, i was hoping that you'd medicate the hell out of me.
you don't need anything stronger than what i've already prescribed for you.
i have aspirin at home that packs more of a punch.
it says here your husband died, you had a boyfriend who killed himself, and you suffer from alcoholism.
that's a lot of trauma for one year.
what about your kids? oh, they're fine.
andrew is backpacking through europe, and danielle is away at cheerleading camp.
what's your relationship with them like? what do you mean? are you close? do they share things with you? what do you feel about them? you know, i really don't have time for this nonsense.
are you going to give me some serious drugs or not? no.
fine.
then i'm going back to my room.
you know, bree, i can't force you to open up to me, but i can make it easier for you to focus on your problems.
and how are you going to do that? i'm gog to tell the orderlies to confiscate all your personal items.
i committed myself voluntarily.
when you signed those pars, i became responsible for your well-being, and i will help you in any way i see fit.
i don't need that much help, because i am not like your other patients.
oh, sure, you are.
you just don't know it yet.
your s confessed to murder.
we've got it on tape.
my son has the mind of a child, detective.
he'd confess to sinking the "titanic.
" this letter was sent some months ago to the chicago police, saying the person they arrested for the melanie foster murder was innocent.
we have a hunch you wrote it.
really? i didn't know hunches were considered evidence in a court of law.
(chuckles) they aren't.
but this is.
we found some of the assailant's d.
n.
a.
on this jacket.
now all we need is a matching sample.
you, by any chance, recognize the jacket? it's not caleb's.
you can try and deny it, but no.
you don't understand.
that jacket belongs to my other son.
(coughing) and out of nowhere, he just attacked me.
my brother's never been violent.
i'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you.
but he did.
let me just take you home.
this has been pretty traumatic for me.
i-i-i think that you should come over for the next few days so we can talk it out.
we broke up, mel.
it is not my job to hold your hand.
well, maybe i shouldn't go home right away.
maybe i should go to the cops first.
the cops? i was attacked.
it's my civic duty to report it, don't you think? mel, i just told you that caleb did not mean to do what he did, okay? melanie, please.
screw you.
no, you cannot tell anybody about this! i can tell who i want! get your hands off of me! we're talking about my brother here! your brother is going to go to jail for the next ten years, so i say let go! hey, melanie! what?! you leave my family alone! uhh! we all met lynette scavo the day she moved onto wisteria lane.
we quickly decided she would be our friend, mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy.
playing russian roulette with my ovaries and-- lynette! hi.
hi.
hi.
uh, we just wanted to come welcome you to the neighborhood.
um, but we could come back later.
yeah.
no, wait.
actually, wait.
this is perfect.
you know why? beuse we need some impartial judges.
lynette let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant-- begged you--and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career.
you agreed to a baby.
a baby, singular.
lynette, we've just met these people.
then--then you go in for an ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats.
then and only then does your husband tell you that twins run in his family.
i didn't think it was that big a deal! your family had eight sets of twins over three generations, not to mention your relatives in kentucky with triplets! triplets! so i ask you, do i not deserve to punish this man severely? well, actually, i think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
what are you, a scientist? no.
no, i write children's books.
um, we, uh, just came over to introduce ourselves, but we can, um, do that at another time.
no, wait.
please stay.
it's okay.
we're okay.
we're okay, right? honey, we don't wanna frk out the new neighbors.
i'm sorry that you saw my panic attack.
i won't let it happen again, especially since this is my last pregnancy.
right.
you're the boss.
i'm just your love slave.
aw.
well, don't encourage him.
honey, clearly,our new neighbo that you have been gifted with a phenomenal husband.
(boy) cannonball! guys? could you come here for a second? we need to have a serious ta.
okay, we have had a great vacation, but tomorrow we're going home.
except we're not going to our home.
we're gonna go stay with grandma.
is dad gonna be there? no, dad is not gonna be there, but he--he is gonna come and see you guys all the time.
we are still gonna be a family.
it's just we won't be living in the same place anymore.
so is there any questions you wanna ask me? can we go swimming now? (boy) cannonball! mike, what a surprise.
yeah.
how's it goin'? good, good.
i'm just came in to get a new battery for my watch.
so whatcha doin'? oh, just buying something for my grandma.
it's her 90th birthday.
here we go.
this will sweep her right off her feet.
it's elegant, and she can build on it for anniversaries.
lucky grandma.
(laughs) you dog.
you're gonna ask susan to marry you, aren't you? i didn't say that.
man, i'm cool.
as far as i'm concerned, san's old news, so mazel tov.
i don't suppose there's any hope of you keeping your mouth shut about this, is there? i wanted to surprise her.
oh, trust me, brother.
she'll be surprised, and not just by how small that rock is.
ach) look, i-i know it's an expensive car, but i need one, so can i get the money? you're a lousy liar, kid.
i read the papers.
i know what happened to your father.
my guess is he's in the market for a fancy lawyer to get him some rich man's justice.
please.
paul young put deirdre in a box.
my daughter.
your mother.
so we're clear, i don't write checks to monsters.
(voice breaking) why can't you just give me the money? you're dying.
you don't need it.
i do.
don't cry, zach.
it pisses me off.
well, you said all of this was gonna be mine, so when do i get it?! "empire" is a highfalutin word, but that's what i've built.
unfortunately an empire can only be ruled by an iron fist and a strong gut.
i wanted to give it to you, zach, but i'm starting to have my doubts about you.
so what? are you cutting me off? i don't have any use for weakness.
get out.
what, are you gonna kill me? prove you're a tough guy? see? that's why i can't give you the keys to the kingdom, kid.
no balls.
we met gabrielle solis the day she moved to wisteria lane.
we were all excited to get a glimpse of a successful new york model.
hello? we saw more hi there.
than we bargained for.
i'm mary alice.
hi.
this is susan, uh, lynette and bree.
welcome to the neighborhood.
well, i am gabrielle solis.
would it be better if we came back at another time? oh! no, no.
i was just changing out of my sweaty clothes.
i didn't realize moving was such great cardio.
hey, babe, we haven't tried it in the kitchen yet.
honey, uh, i think it's time to unpack the pants.
right.
it's nice to meet you ladies.
let me guess--newlyweds? four months, and i've dressed like this for two of 'em.
(laughs) he's insatiable.
hey, what are you doing? now? babe, it's kind of late.
you don't wanna have sex with me? you always wanna have sex with me.
you wanted to have sex with me an hour after your hernia operation.
i'm a little preoccupied.
a good man died today.
don't take it personally.
xiao-mei said the strangest thing to me.
when i told her you were dead, she said, "please don't kill him.
" that poor kid.
oh.
we really need to get her some english lessons.
(engine sputtering) julie, what are you doing? i'm trying to sleep.
morning, ladies.
karl! what are you doing? i've got a little surprise planned for my girls.
so just sit back and relax.
we'll be there shortly.
no, no, no, no.
no, turn my house around.
latte? (karl) out to the right, ladies.
my gift to you.
you bought us a house? let's have a look around.
there's three bedrooms, a gourmet kitchen for what it's worth.
there's a guest house in the back that you could use as a studio.
there's a pool.
a pool? really? aah! what's the catch? there's no catch.
it's yours, susie.
yours and julie's, no strings attached.
(sighs) i can't accept this.
i just--i gotta get out of this mess on my own.
this is not charity.
i owe you for everything i've done over the years, for all the heartache i've inflicted on you.
consider it payback.
mom! there's a pool and a jacuzzi! at least no one can drive off with it while you're sleeping, huh? hey, it's susan.
just wanted you to know i let the electrician in your house.
i hope you're having a great time at the spa.
bree, hi.
it's betty.
i'm--i'm sorry to leave this on the machine, but the police have evidence that implicates matthew in the murder of melanie foster.
we have to find them, bree.
we have to find them and get danielle back.
(bree) you let go of me right now! hey, hey! what's going on here? i am trying to leave, and these morons won't let me.
do you know that you can be arrested for kidnapping, for detaining someone?! why do you need to leave? because my daughter is in danger.
something happened at cheerleading camp.
okay, there's no camp.
that was a fib on my part.
i found out that she ran away with a boy, and the boy is a murderer.
a murderer? i can tell by your tone that you don't believe me.
bree, let's talk about this in my office.
i don't have time for therapy, you quack! now let me out of here! let go of me! you idiot, let go of me! you know tt i committed myself voluntarily! you can't do this to me! no! bree, please, don't struggle.
if anything happens to my daughter, so help me, god we're only trying to help.
mr.
young, you'll need to come up to the house to sign some legal documents.
what for? noah taylor's will called for an immediate transference of his entire estate to you upon his death.
so everything's mine? that's correct.
hi, dad.
(paul) so, did you have any luck with your grandfather? yeah, i talked to noah.
he's not gonna give us the money.
damn it, zach! sorry? go back and talk to him.
no, i-i don't think he's gonna change his mind.
terrific.
am i gonna see you tomorrow? no, i-i can't come tomorrow.
what about monday? uh, next week's bad for me, too.
i'll--i'll call you when i know.
zach? zach! is there anything i can do? yeah, get me a new phone with a different number.
and fill in this stupid lake.
careful with those.
the last of the crystal.
okay.
hey, what's going on? oh, hi.
um, we're just moving.
hey! it's the plumber.
you come over to help susie move into her new house? new house? oh, she didn't tell you? i bought a place for my girls.
you let him buy you a house? uh, well, he's not moving in with us.
after that speech about wanting to go it alone, and after i offered to let you stay with me? to be fair, you just had a spare room, and this is a whole house.
(chuckles) hey, no offense, if you're not using your back, you're just in the way.
you saw me buying that ring, and you just had to cut me off.
you bought me a ring? suze, let me handle this.
a man's gotta protect his family.
uh, mike, about that ring put that box down.
what, you gonna hit me, huh? (susan) stop it! oh, my what are you-- just stop it! oh, that's enough! just get off! get off! go! go! oh, my god.
what? stop! that's enough.
enough, enough.
back up.
and that ring-- that was for me, right? not now.
(susan) oh, my ohh! karl, are you okay? are you okay? let me see.
oh, my god.
whew.
(susan) can you sit up? (karl) whew.
xiao-mei, do you have a second? this is probably silly, but it's been bothering me.
when you said, "please don't kill him," did you mean carlos? ralph dead, not mr.
solis.
i know.
it's just, you said "kill," not "dead.
" and i'd have to do be pretty angry to kill someone, so i guess my question is, do i have a reason to be angry at mr.
solis? please, so much laundry.
xiao-mei how did you rip your panties? i fall down.
says here dr.
bader examined xiao-mei last week, and everything was fine.
yeah, i know.
it's just, she's been having pain down there.
so if you couldtake a it'd make me feel so much better.
of course.
(lowers voice) um, and, doctor, uh, while you're down there, could you check if she's still a virgin? i'm sorry? you don't even have to say it out loud.
if you see hymen, just give me a thumbs up.
(boys speaking indistinctly) what's this now? i wanna swim.
well, we already swam.
now it's time to pack.
hey, hey, hey! what's going on? dad would let me swim.
(sighs) well, dad's not here, so i decide, and i decide no.
oh, porter, what are you doing? hey! hey, get down off that right now.
i mean it! okay! okay, okay, porter, just stop, all right? just come on inside, and we'll forget the whole thing.
aah! aah! no! (both) daddy! daddy! daddy! hey, guys.
god! ooh, god, i've missed you so much.
oh, you, too, munchkin.
where's porter? is he okay? he broke his arm.
they took him up to x-ray.
hey, guys, why don't you look after your sister for me, okay? mommy and daddy need to talk.
i've got nothing to say to you.
i just called because i had to.
honey, whatever you saw, i can explain it.
i am not interested, and if you wanna keep those fingers, i would move 'em awayfrom my b lynette, i am not cheating on you.
i never have, and i never will.
i saw you with that woman.
her name is nora.
i met her 12 years ago.
i don't care what her name is.
i met her before you.
she was a dancer on a cruise ship.
we had a one night stand.
i haven't thought about her in years.
then why are you going to atlantic city every other weekend to visit her? (sighs) i have another child, lynette.
what? she got pregnant from the one night stand.
nora raised the kid without ever telling me.
i only just fo jd out about it.
that is why i have been going back and forth.
i am not having an affair.
uhh! the little girl's name is kayla.
she's 11 years old.
i know i should've told you about this sooner.
it's just that i wanted to take a paternity test to be sure, and i'm definitely the dad.
why did she wait so long to contact you? she said she wanted to raise the kid alone, and i i guess she's changed her mind, hoy.
baby, i am so sorry.
noready for that yet.
okay.
you have no idea how badly you scared me.
i am so sorry.
i had already let you go.
dad! i got a blue cast.
hey, buddy.
you sure did.
that's pretty cool.
hey.
it itches.
can we go home now? yeah.
we're going home.
have they rung up your prescription yet? no, they're getting it right now.
good.
add that on.
you're dying your hair honey wheat blond? oh, it's not for me.
it's for danielle.
that hair is going back to the color god intended.
you actually think she's gonna sit still as you towel this through her hair? oh, i will tie h down if necessary.
i'm also thinking of checking her body for piercings while i'm at it.
you're overreacting.
she's just going through a phase.
that's what girls her age do.
they also get pregnant and become drug addicts.
and that color hair is the gateway.
would you please, uh, add that to our bill? i'm telling you, bree, you're gonna have to stop riding 'em so hard.
i am trying to ensure that they turn into responsible adults.
trust me, rex, in the end, we will be rewarded.
how can you be so damn sure of yourself all the time? why is my certainty a flaw? i know what i'm about, i know my values, and i know what's right.
why shouldn't i stay the course? am i right, mr.
williams? my mother always took a firm hand with me, and i thank her for it.
exactly, and look how well you turned out.
(chuckles) look, you're a good mother, but there's a limit.
you have got to relinquish some control, or else you're gonna regret it.
excuse me.
do you have the time? yeah, it's just after 8:00.
oh, i was afraid of that.
afraid of what? well, i'm only supposed to be restrained until 7:00.
you see, i have a problem with sleepwalking.
they just tie me up so that i don't wander off and hurt myself.
yeah, well, i'm sure a nurse will be in here soon.
one can only hope.
of course, if a doctor gets here first and sees that someone forgot to release me, i'm sure they'd get in a lot of trouble.
lady, i can't let you out of your restraints.
i'd get fired.
oh.
well, i certainly would not want that to happen.
what's your name? alfred.
oh! does anybody ever call you "alfie"? no.
and why should they? so, um, alfred, i was wondering if you could maybe loosen my restraints.
they're incredibly tight, and i'm sure there are no rules against making me more comfortable.
do you think i'm stupid? i beg your pardon? two seconds after i loosen these little restraints, you'll try to scratch my eyes out and make a run for it.
well, i'm not falling for it, you psycho little bitch.
in fact, i hope they keep you tied up for the next month.
'cause i'd get a real kick out of watching a prissy little whack job like you lying in your own filth.
know what i mean? oh.
are you all right? uh, yeah.
a little hopped up on pain medicine, but, um, i chipped my tooth on the salad shooter.
oh.
oh, you know, you should, um, call my friend orson.
he's a dentist.
i'm sure he'll see you right away.
thanks.
so about that ring you bought-- is there anything particular you'd like to ask me? nope, not as long karl's got you wrapped around his finger.
okay, that's ridiculous.
karl doesn't have me wrapped around anything.
you accepted a house from him, and you're nuts if you believe he doesn't have an ulterior motive.
he's karl.
he's playing me.
but that house is gonna be a great place for my daughter to live.
and when he makes his move, he's gonna realize that i was really playing him.
so about that ring i i just don't want to get deeper into this and suddenly realize your heart's somewhere else.
mike, my heart is in the exact right place.
ugh.
i can't have hthis c now my tooth is throbbing.
of course.
okay.
you don't even wanna know what my answer would have been? can we please get out of here? this place is gross.
and, god, i'm starving.
yeah, i know, but we don't have any money, remember? that's why we should go to my house.
i know the combination to my mom's safe.
okay, i've told you a thousand times, it's way too risky.
no.
something you should know before we embark on this little adventure-- i can get pretty bitchy when i'm not fed.
(tv turns off) listen, i hope i'm not out of line here, but did you ever spend any time in prison? , you can tell from my teeth? jailhouse dentistry-- unmistakable and not pretty.
yeah, i did a little time in kansas a few years back.
were you a prison dentist? uh, during dental school, we did freebie work on some of the poor guinea pigs behind bars.
no offense.
you know, i had the feeling when i first saw you in the movie theater that we'd met before.
i don't think so.
oh, i'm pretty sure.
i think i know you.
any chance i was one of your guinea pigs? no.
the only prison work i did was back in virginia.
diploma says you graduated from minnesota.
i'm licensed in three states.
open wide, please.
don't talk.
i wouldn't want to hurt you.
carlos, you promised you'd come home today.
well, i don't care what tanaka wants! rattling around this stupid house all by myself is not what i signed up r! no, no, no, don't hang up on me.
i'm not done yelling at you! mrs.
solis.
how are you? the best you've ever had.
what's so funny? me and my friend justin had this bet.
see who could lose their virginity first this summer at bible camp.
guess i beat him to the punch.
you were a virgin? so it didn't show? uh, no.
no, i mean, i guess it was, well, weird when you started naming the american presidents in order.
ah, i wish you hadn't heard that.
i was just trying to no, no, you were good.
just, if it comes up in school, paul revere was never president.
oh.
thanks.
i, uh, had a really awesome time, mrs.
solis.
well, good.
i'm glad, because this can never happen again.
why? the only reason i did this was because i was angry at carlos.
now, thanks to you, i'm not angry anymore.
well, you should be.
i mean, the guy's never around.
hell, he's probably off having his own affair right now.
oh.
(chuckles) i seriously doubt that.
how do you know? because carlos doesn't have an adulterous bone in his body.
what we just did he could never do.
for him, sex isn't just sex.
it's a sign of intimacy.
it's the way he shows love.
you know, instead of talking and listening and spending time with me.
what was that for? thought you needed a kiss.
well, since this is our last time, i guess we can make the most of it.
so you really trust him, huh? completely.
like all good mothers, gabrielle had purchased several top-of-the-line baby monitors.
she had planned to use them to keep a close watch on her newborn child.
that plan was about to change.
so i'm gonna go shopping and then i'm gonna see my trainer, and i'll definitely be gone for, like, three hours.
okay.
well, i gotta go.
have fun.
(lynette) not later, penny.
mommy's gotta change you now 'cause you stink.
(xiao-mei) here, taste this.
(carlos) oh, man! xiao-mei, that is amazing.
you like? oh, yeah.
sorry if i'm making a mess.
it's okay.
mu shu pork supposed to be messy.
i wish gabrielle could cook like this.
have you ever tried her enchiladas? one time they make me sick.
ugh.
he will, and he'll meet you for a romantic motor home rendezvous, and you'll propose, he'll accept, and you'll both live happily ever after.
you really think that's what's gonna happen? it's my deepest hope.
oh, there he is.
we're in.
POLLY? THAT'S A GOOD NAME.
NO WAY.
PAMELA.
i said i wanted penny.
oh, lynette eight hours of grueling labor.
that's not fair.
neither are stretch marks, but what are you gonna do? i've only known one penny in my whole life, and she was a slut.
isn't your aunt named penny? yeah, that's her.
our daughter is officially named.
you may go now.
all right, i'll let you win this one, but i get to name the next one.
you promised me we'd stop at four.
remember? you wanted four kids, i wanted one, and somehow we compromised on four.
can we please stop now? lynette, you're hurting me.
i will stop as soon as you promise.
okay, i promise.
okay.
honey, i i didn't mean to upset ya.
it's just we've been so happy.
sweetie, sometimes when you're at work, and i'm home alone with three young boys, i'm not so happy, and now i'm gonna be alone with four kids.
each one is a blessing, yes, but i don't think i can take any more blessings.
more blessings could make me lose my mind.
do you understand? yeah.
thank you.
honey, that really hurt.
did it hurt for eight hours? no.
okay, then.
i must have been crazy, agreeing to this.
honey, you're gonna feel differently once you meet kayla.
she is sweet, smart little girl, plus it'll help you get past your resentment of nora.
i don't well, here goes.
hey, you! you must be lynette.
and you must be nora.
i guess it'd be weird if we hugged.
probably.
wh-where's kayla? oh, she didn't come.
we got into this huge fight, and i was, like i just couldn't stand to look at her face on that long plane trip, so i dumped her at the neighbors'.
but, hey, come on, you got me.
so, anyway, kayla is doing great.
she's so pretty.
she's so smart.
she's practically a star on her soccer team.
i have the cutest picture.
you know, we wouldn't need a picture if you had actually brought her like you promised.
oh, gosh, i'm sorry.
you know, but i just haven't had much time to get away on my own since, , i've been taking care of your kid for the past 11 years, super dad.
okay, sorry, sorry,sorry, s i know it's been hard.
you've done an amazing job.
thank you.
i think, so, too.
apology accepted.
anyway, i wasn't sure that i wanted kayla here if we were gonna talk about business.
business? i was hoping that we could talk about child support since i've got, like, you never told me i had a daughter.
my lawyer thinks that i have a very good case.
we can't afford this.
we have four kids.
tom just lost his job.
that'd bankrupt us.
i'm the bad guy now when he's the one that knocked me up and abandoned his child? how could he abandon her if he didn't even know she existed? that doesn't let him off the hook.
you know, you better do right by me unless, of course, you wanna be known as mrs.
deadbeat dad! (lowers voice) just take it easy.
are we just gonna keep talking louder? is that the plan? you wanna just keep raising your voice 'cause that's how you get what you want, right you make a scene, you throw a tantrum, and everyone gets scared and backs off.
well, i don't work that way, lady.
i don't care that my husband was so phenomenally stupid and/or drunk to actually have sex with you.
i'm not gonna let it ruin my life.
(loudly) am i talking loud enough for that to get through to you? i'm just gonna pay the bill.
karl, we've been through a lot together.
we will always be connected by julie, but i know why you bought me that house, and i'm not momoving into it.
susie, come on, i-- carl, we are not getting back together.
not ever.
you need to just stop and realize that it's over.
i'm gonna marry mike.
so i need you to sign these because i have to be divorced first.
mike popped the question no.
he was going to, but then you clocked him in the mouth with a salad shooter, remember? actually, i'm going to pop the question to him tomorrow night.
guess it cuts down on the suspense knowing he bought you a ring.
you would think so, but, no, it doesn't.
this is a lot to ask for a man who still loves you, susie.
i know.
but if you really do love me, you'll let me go.
okay, susie.
i can do that.
well, you know where to find me if it doesn't work out.
oh, shut up.
i don't see another way to make this work.
we've gotta p into the pensions.
oh, i don't like the sound of that.
well, it's that or the kids' college fund.
we'll write nora one big check, and in return, she'll sign away her claim for the back child support.
if we're lucky, she'll take the bird in the hand.
okay, what are we talkg about? how much? well, we need to show her we're serious.
$30,000? are you kidding? $30,000? if she takes you to court, we'll lose d end up paying all at once.
we could lose the house.
oh, we are screwed.
we are just plain screwed.
tom! i am trying very hard to be strong right now, and you melting down is not helping me.
i'm sorry.
i know we're using up a huge chunk of our savings, but if it keeps that crazy woman out of our life, it is the best money we have ever spent.
we will be okay.
hey there.
i was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
what do you wanna talk about? anything at all.
as you said, i i have a lot of issues.
well, i assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
saw right through that, did ya? well, i'm a trained professional, bree.
the human mind is my playground.
well, i'm glad that you're having fun.
i'm sorry.
i don't mean to be flip.
but you came here because you were troubled, and then you refuse any help we give you.
things were falling apart at home, and i just i just needed a place to rest, that's all.
i think there's more to it than that.
do y? i think it has to do with your kids.
you don't want to talk about them.
why is that? probably because i'm ashamed.
ashamed? my children were my life.
they were the reason that i got up in the morning, so to have failed them as a parent you think you failed them as a parent? well, my son is a sociopath, and my daughter hates me enough to have run away from home.
i'm certainly not gonna get "mother of the year" anytime soon.
if your kids were here right now, what would you tell them? i would beg my son andrew for forgiveness for having given up on him, and i would tell my daughter not to worry, that i have a plan to protect her.
and just what is that plan? i've got everything ready to go-- flowers, candles, elvis costello cd all cued up.
but who has the ring? he does.
so, wait, you're gonna get down on one knee, pop the question, and while you're down there, dig in his pocket? what if you pull out his key chain? then i'm gonna have to find a way to force it on my finger.
(static) (carlos) oh, xiao-mei, where'd you learn to kiss like that? sorry, that's penny's baby monitor.
it's always picking up weird frequencies.
no, no, no! don't turn it off.
ohh! move over.
my knees hit the dashboard.
(xiao-mei) i move seat back.
better? oh, yeah.
are you done with my husband? good.
i have a little project for you.
okay, gaby, can we please talk about this?! you're the one that gave me permission, remember? you said, "go have sexwith somebody"! to have meaningless sex, carlos, not to sleep with the woman who's carrying our child! what is the matter?! look, we're even! you had an affair, and i had an affair! i had a reason to.
you were never here! i've been here, carlos.
i have tried so hard to not be selfish and to put your needs above mine.
i mean, for god sakes, look at me! i have agreed to be a mother for you! look, gaby, you have every right to be mad at me.
so i'm gonna go and check into a hotel room and let you cool down, but we are going to work this out.
forget the hotel, carlos.
get a lease.
i can go now, too? no, you can start dinner.
what?! you're not going awhere, not as long as you have my baby in your belly.
(speaks chinese) i don't know what that meant, but i didn't like the tone.
so just remember, am the boss of you, or else i'm gonna make this the worst nine months of your life.
hi.
hi.
did you get the check? yeah, i wanted to talk to you about that.
do you have a minute? tom?! i'm not the type of person that can keep things bottled up inside.
really? so i'm just gonna have to get this off my chest.
you made me feel really bad about myself yesterday at the restaurant.
my sincerest apologies.
you treated me like some sort of mercenary, like the only reason i came here was to extort money from you.
well, to be honest, first, we bought you pie, then you tried to extort money from us.
see? there it is again, lynette--that mean streak.
all i want is what's bestfor my fortom'schild.
as the mother of 80% of tom's children, i don't think it's in their best interest for you to drive us into bankruptcy.
of course it isn't.
here.
i signed the waiver that the lawyer sent over with the check.
and i'm not even asking for any back child support.
that's--that's--that's great.
thank yo see, lynette? see? it's not all about money.
it's not even a little bit about money.
it's about family.
'cause we're all a big family now.
sort of.
which ishy i took all the money that you gave me, and i put it all down on the sweetest little over on arden drive.
ar-arden drive over-- over by the mall? like, five minutes from here arden drive? it's perfect.
i could drop kayla off here anytime so she can play with her new siblings.
she can spend time with her dad.
well, to be clear, how are you going to live? hoare you going to pay the mortgage? you don't have a job here.
what is your problem with me, lady?! i don't understand! you don't know me.
you don't know what i can do.
and yet you just always, just (chitters) just--just (squeals) always on the attack.
it's ugly, and you should work on that.
here's what i think.
i think that we should all work on this, because i don't want every christmas to turn ugly just because you and i don't get along.
yeah, that would be a ame.
see, i told you she wasn't home.
her car's not even here.
and you said the safe was upstairs? damn it, my mother must have changed the combination.
okay.
wait here.
i'll be right back.
you did it.
you killed melanie.
you put your jacket on her body.
i saw it, matthew.
the police showed me the pictures.
now you weren't there.
you don't know what happened.
oh, god.
caleb hurt her, and melanie threatened to bring us all down because of that.
so your solution was to make your brother think he murdered a girl and to make me think it? what other choice did i have? i knew that you wouldn't had caleb over to the police.
i knew that you would protect him.
i would have protected you.
well, i really couldn't count on that.
matthew you don't love me as much as you love caleb.
you nevehave.
perhaps.
but it's because he's needed me more.
you are always going to find love in the world.
don't you understand? he was only ever going to get it from me.
you know, i know you believe that.
that's why i've tried so hard to forgive you.
and who knows? maybe one day i will.
(woman) 9-1-1.
what is your emergency? i need the police.
see, i told you she had cash.
daniel, i don't know what you're planning, but i need to talk to you right now.
give it up, mom.
we're leaving.
i'm calling the police.
do you remember that girl melanie foster? matthew is the one who killed her.
i know you don't want us to be together, but that's the lamest thing i've ever heard.
his mother told me what happened.
it's true.
let's go, danielle.
mom, please move.
no.
i gave up on your brother, and i'm not gonna make that mistake with you.
we don't have time for this.
where did you get that? what are you doing?! move away! danielle i want you to get out of the house now.
he's a killer.
shut up! don't point that at my mother! danielle! i'm serious.
go.
what's wrong with you?! i'm gonna shoot you! matthew, stop it! if that's what it takes to get my daughter stop it! to see who you really are stop pointing that at my mother! then fine.
what are you doing?! do it.
stop! it's okay, baby.
hey, it's just me again.
um when you got the invitation, i thought that you gave me the thumbs up, but i guess if that was actually some other type of finger gesture, uh well, i apologize for leaving you all these messages and wasting your time.
(generator shuts off) this is the street where i used to live and these were the people with whom i shared my life.
i met them the day they moved in.
and i saw what they brought with them beautiful dreams for the future.
and quiet hopes for a better life not just for themselves, but for their children, too.
if i could, would i tell them what lies ahead? would i warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? no.
from where i stand now, i see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled.
the trip is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon.
yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming, but that's really the point don't ya think? orson.
oh, hey.
i wanted to come by and see how you were doing after your great escape, and, uh, these are for you.
how sweet and unexpected.
do you wanna come in? i'd love to.