Roseanne s02e23 Episode Script

ROSEANNE, DO YOU KNOW DAD WAS THINKING ABOUT RETIRING? WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO ALL DAY? STAY HOME WITH GRANDMA? YOU KNOW, I BET HE'LL BE DEAD WITHIN A MONTH.
LOOK, IF I STOPPED YOU FOR SPEEDING, WHICH HAIRSTYLE DO YOU THINK COMMANDS MORE RESPECT, THIS OR THIS? NAH.
IF YOU STOP ME FOR SPEEDING, I'LL PULL ALL YOUR HAIR OUT.
WHEN DID DAD CALL YOU? SUNDAY, WHEN HE ALWAYS CALLS ME.
HE CALLS YOU EVERY SUNDAY? YEAH.
WELL, NO, NOT EVERY SUNDAY.
MOM CALLS YOU EVERY SATURDAY.
NO, SHE DOESN'T.
I CALL HER.
WELL, I'M OFF TO FIGHT CRIME AND KEEP LANFORD SAFE.
OH! WOULD YOU GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE? LOOK, FIRST OF ALL, THE SAFETY WAS ON.
SECOND OF ALL, A POLICE REVOLVER DOES NOT GO OFF SIMPLY BY BEING DROPPED ON THE FLOOR.
WELL A WASTE OF TAXPAYERS' MONEY, I'M TELLING YOU.
THAT GOES IN THERE.
OH, DAN, SOME GUY NAMED WALT CALLED YOU.
THANKS FOR SUPPER.
BYE.
WALT? WHEN? A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO.
SEE YOU LATER.
BECKY, WRAP IT UP.
ONE SEC! TRY JERRY POLSON.
YEAH.
I GOT TO GO.
IT'S THE 'RENTS.
BYE.
THANK YOU.
WHAT'S WRONG? I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
WHAT WAS GONNA BE A REALLY GREAT PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT IS TURNING INTO THE SNOOZE OF THE CENTURY.
WHY, WHAT'D THEY DO-- INVITE YOUR DAD? NO.
FIRST, WAYNE FRANKEL ISN'T COMING, AND NOW RICHIE BOWER CAN'T COME 'CAUSE HIS PARENTS ARE MAKING HIM GO TO SOME STUPID FUNERAL.
WELL, MAYBE SOMEBODY IN THEIR FAMILY DIED.
YEAH, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
A PARTY IS A PARTY.
DARLENE, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A LITTLE MONEY SATURDAY HELPING ON THAT DRYWALL JOB? THAT KID WALT FLAKED OUT ON ME.
HOW MUCH? NEVER MIND HOW MUCH.
YES OR NO? START AT 6:00.
BREAKFAST AT THE DINER? DINER IT IS.
CAN I FINISH THE DISHES LATER? I THINK THIS NEEDS TO SOAK.
YEAH.
I'LL DO IT LATER.
DAD, HOW ABOUT A LITTLE ROUNDBALL UNDER THE LIGHTS? SURE.
DAN.
HONEY, I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE.
WHAT? WELL, THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.
WHAT? WHAT YOU JUST DID.
WHAT? WHAT? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW? WELL, YOU GOT TWO DAUGHTERS, DAN.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE BECKY WANTS TO MAKE SOME MONEY, TOO.
BECKY MEASURING DRYWALL? [BRITISH ACCENT.]
THAT IS FOR TO LAUGH.
HA HA HA HA HA! NO, THAT'S NOT FOR TO LAUGH.
I MEAN, YOU JUST ASK DARLENE TO GO AND THEN YOU JUST ASSUME BECKY DOESN'T WANT TO GO.
THAT REMINDS ME OF MY DAD WHEN HE USED TO ASK JACKIE TO GO FISHING AND JUST ASSUMED I DIDN'T WANT TO GO.
ROSEANNE, YOU DON'T LIKE FISHING.
I LIKE IT BETTER THAN REJECTION.
I DIDN'T REJECT ANYBODY.
BECKY DOESN'T LIKE HAMMERS AND SAWS.
HOW DO YOU KNOW? 'CAUSE I TRIED TO SAW HER IN HALF ONE TIME, AND SHE STARTED SCREAMING.
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? IT'S ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER WHO'S UPSTAIRS FEELING UNLOVED, UNWANTED, AND ALONE, AND SHE AIN'T EVEN MARRIED.
YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND.
DON'T TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
SHE'S PROBABLY UP THERE RIGHT NOW, CRYING HER EYES OUT.
OH, GOLLY, KATIE BAR THE DAMN DOOR.
ROSEANNE, FORGET ABOUT IT.
I'M NOT GOING UP THERE.
THIS IS BULL.
WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING, PUT IT OUT OF YOUR MIND.
FINE, DAN.
JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
BOY, ARE YOU JAM, PUMP IT UP [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
AND THE JAM IS PUMPIN' LOOK AHEAD TO PARTY JUMPIN' PUMP IT UP A LITTLE MORE GET THE PARTY GOIN' ON THE DANCE FLOOR SEE, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE PARTY'S AT AND YOU I WANT A PLACE TO STAY GET YOUR BOOTY-- AAH! HI.
WHAT? CAN I COME IN, OR DO I GOT TO GET MY HAND STAMPED? PUMP UP THE JAM? HOW LONG WERE YOU STANDING THERE? JUST ONE VERSE.
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT? OH, I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WANTED TO HELP ME OUT ON THAT DRYWALL JOB SATURDAY.
I THOUGHT YOU GOT DARLENE TO DO IT.
YEAH, BUT I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN THE FUN.
WHAT FUN, STANDING AROUND SOME GUY'S BASEMENT? WELL, IT'S A HALF-DAY'S WORK.
I THOUGHT YOU COULD USE THE EXTRA CASH.
IS THIS HINGE COMING LOOSE? YOU'RE JUST UP HERE TO SPY, AREN'T YOU? NO.
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH YOUR MOM'S DEPARTMENT.
HEY, I KNOW HOW YOU AND MOM WORK.
YOU GET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE SO MOM CAN COME IN HERE AND "CLEAN.
" HEY, BECKY, WHY DO YOU ASSUME THERE'S SOME ULTERIOR MOTIVE FOR ME COMING UP HERE? BECAUSE YOU ONLY COME UP HERE FOR TWO REASONS-- TO SAY GOOD NIGHT AND TO FIX THE TOILET.
NOW IT'S ONLY 7 P.
M.
[TOILET FLUSHES.]
TOILET'S WORKING FINE.
SO WHAT'S GOING ON? WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? THIS IS ABOUT THE DISHES, ISN'T IT? NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DISHES.
IT'S NOT ABOUT ANYTHING, BECKY.
WHAT'S WITH THIS ATTITUDE? I JUST CAME UP HERE TO ASK YOU A SIMPLE QUESTION-- DO YOU WANT THE JOB? YES OR NO? WELL, IF I SAY NO, CAN I STILL GO TO THE PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT? HEY, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO.
THIS IS NOT A TRICK QUESTION.
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN TO SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.
ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME GO, I'LL GO.
HEY, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.
IF YOU WANT TO COME ALONG, COME ALONG.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, FINE! FINE! FINE! WAS THAT ABOUT THE DISHES? WELL, WAS I RIGHT? YEAH, YOU WERE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.
I WAS HOPING I WAS WRONG.
WELL, YOU WEREN'T.
WHAT HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW.
I WENT UP THERE TO ASK HER A QUESTION.
THE NEXT THING I KNOW, WE WERE SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER.
WHAT WERE YOU SHOUTING ABOUT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE THIS OLD PORCH.
LIKE BEING ON THE BACK OF A CABOOSE THAT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
WELL, YOU MAY NOT BE GOING NO PLACE, BUT I'M GOING IN, 'CAUSE I'M FREEZING MY BUTT OFF.
YOU JUST NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER, DAN.
YOU KNOW, GET, UH, INTERESTED IN HER LIFE.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, BABY? HANG OUT AT THE MALT SHOP? MAYBE.
HEY, IF YOU DO, BRING ME BACK SOMETHING.
HEY, DEEJ, YOUR FLY'S OPEN.
HUH? DAD, 7:00 TONIGHT, DON'T FORGET.
BLACK HAWKS, OILERS.
I'LL BE THERE.
THE BEVERAGES WILL BE THERE.
THE CHIPS WILL BE THERE, BUT, BECKY, YOU WON'T BE HERE 'CAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO THAT PARTY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
TOO BAD.
LIKE I CARE.
SO WHO'S THROWING THIS SHINDIG? SHINDIG? YEAH.
IT'S A WORD FROM THE OLDEN DAYS.
UM, IT'S AT JOYCE'S HOUSE.
OH, JOYCE.
YEAH.
SHE'S A NICE GIRL.
YOU NEVER MET HER.
WELL, YEAH, BUT THROWING A PARTY AND ALL, THAT'S A PRETTY NICE THING TO DO.
SO, BECKY, YOU THINK HER PARENTS ARE GONNA SPRING FOR A LIVE BAND LIKE BILLY WALL'S PARENTS DID LAST YEAR? REMEMBER THAT, DAN, AND THE COPS SHOWED UP? BOY, I BET THAT WAS RAD.
SO, BECKY, WHO YOU TAKING TO THIS SHINDIG? NOBODY SPECIAL.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT JIMMY MELON, SPELLON MELS MELTREIGER? YEAH, JIMMY MELTREIGER.
I LIKE HIM.
WELL THERE--YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THINGS ABOUT HIM I LIKED.
UH, I DIDN'T LOVE THE GUY.
BECKY DID UNTIL HE DUMPED HER.
HE DIDN'T DUMP ME.
GET REAL.
YOU HIT THE GROUND LIKE A SAFE.
HE DUMPED YOU? HE DIDN'T DUMP ME, DAD! I MEAN, YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM.
WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NOSY? I'M NOT BEING NOSY.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW.
YOU WANT TO KNOW? HE USED ME TO GET TO KNOW SUSAN NOONAN, AND THEN HE DUMPED ME, AND NOW HE'S GOING OUT WITH HER, OK? AND NOW YOU KNOW EVERYTHING! AND NOW I'M GONNA BE IN MY ROOM IN CASE YOU WANT TO COME UP AND DO A LITTLE MORE SPYING! GOOD.
ROSEANNE, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW YOU'VE HELPED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BECKY.
HEY, DAD, YOU READY FOR ME TO SLAUGHTER YOU? OH, SO NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.
IS THERE A BIG STORM BREWING HERE? I MEAN, LIKE, SHOULD I SPLIT? 'CAUSE I GOT TO DO SOME BAKING.
NO, IT'S JUST THE USUAL FAMILY TENSION.
YOU KNOW, THIS ONE AIN'T TALKING TO THAT ONE, THAT ONE AIN'T TALKING TO THIS ONE.
WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT'D I DO? HOW COME ALL THE TIME, YOU THINK IT'S MY FAULT? OK, LIKE, ASSUME IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
SO, WHAT HAPPENED? OH, IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
WELL, DAN GOES OVER TO DARLENE AND HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS TO MAKE SOME EXTRA MONEY, YOU KNOW? WELL, BECKY NEEDS TO MAKE SOME EXTRA MONEY, TOO, 'CAUSE SHE SPENDS MORE MONEY ON CLOTHES, FOR ONE THING, THAN DARLENE DOES.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.
HE JUST ASKED DARLENE, AND HE TOTALLY OVERLOOKED BECKY.
YOU KNOW, GARY DOES THAT STUFF WITH HIS DOGS.
LIKE HE'LL ALWAYS FAVOR THE COLLIE.
UH-HUH.
WELL, THIS IS ABOUT ME.
I KNOW.
GO AHEAD.
SO I GET ALL OVER DAN.
YOU KNOW, I TELL HIM, HEY, YOU GOT TWO DAUGHTERS, AND THE WHOLE DEAL AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW, SO THEN HE GOES UP AND HE ASKS BECKY TO GO.
AND SHE OF COURSE SAYS NO.
'CAUSE WHO WANTS TO GO ANYPLACE AFTER YOUR MOM MAKES YOUR DAD ASK YOU? YOU KNOW, DOGS CAN SENSE WHEN YOU'RE APPEASING THEM, TOO.
NOW, TRY TO STAY WITH ME HERE, SIS.
SO, ANYWAYS, THEN WE'RE SITTING HERE AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE AND HE'S TRYING TO TALK TO BECKY AND EVERYTHING AND HE'S GETTING ALL PALSY-WALSY WITH HER, ALL THIS CRAP.
HE'S JUST DRIVING HER NUTS 'CAUSE HE'S ASKING HER QUESTION AFTER QUESTION AFTER QUESTION.
SHE JUST FINALLY GOES CRAZY.
NOW SHE AIN'T TALKING TO HIM, HE BLAMES ME, SO HE AIN'T TALKING TO ME.
NOTHING TO DO THIS WEEKEND, SIS? NO, I JUST DON'T WANT DAN PULLING THE SAME KIND OF HEAD-TRIP ON BECKY LIKE DADDY USED TO PULL ON ME.
WHAT HEAD-TRIP? YOU KNOW, HOW HE'D ALWAYS THINK OF SOMETHING REALLY FUN TO DO AND THEN HE'D ONLY ASK YOU TO GO WITH HIM.
HE DID NOT.
HE DID, TOO.
HE DID NOT.
I WAS THE ONLY ONE HOME.
THAT'S WHY.
ANYWAY, YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD BEAR TO BE WITH MOM.
JACKIE, YOU KNOW YOU'RE DADDY'S FAVORITE.
I AM NOT.
BEER BREAK.
PEE BREAK.
THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL, JACKIE? HE CALLS YOU EVERY SUNDAY.
HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL? HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL KNOWING MOM CALLS ME ALL THE TIME AND SHE NEVER CALLS YOU? LUCKY.
HONORED.
OFF THE HOOK.
FREE, THRILLED.
ELATED.
GLAD THAT SHE'S STILL ALIVE, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO HER.
GLAD THAT EVERY TIME THE PHONE RINGS, I KNOW-- OH, ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! AMAZING.
AND YOUR PARENTS CAN STILL RUIN A WEEKEND.
ROSEANNE, DAN AND BECKY HAVE A PERFECTLY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
NOT ANYMORE.
DAN SPENDS JUST AS MUCH TIME WITH BECKY AS YOU DO WITH DARLENE.
YEAH.
YEAH, WHAT? YEAH, YOU HAVE JUST AS CRUMMY RELATIONSHIP WITH DARLENE AS I HAVE WITH BECKY.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND.
WHAT WAS THE SCORE OF DARLENE'S BASKETBALL GAME TUESDAY NIGHT? UH S.
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW MUCH MONEY DID SHE LOSE ON THE SUPER BOWL? WHAT, SHE'S GAMBLING? A BUCK AND A HALF PLUS A PREYING MANTIS SHE FOUND AT THE LANFORD CLUB.
WHAT WAS SHE DOING IN THE LANFORD CLUB? YOU DON'T KNOW? I HOPE SHE WASN'T DEVASTATED BY YOUR LACK OF INTEREST.
HEY, ME AND DARLENE HAVE A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.
YEAH, YOU TRADE WISECRACKS.
KIND OF THE SAME WAY THAT MOM AND I TRADE PUTDOWNS.
I AM NOT LIKE MOM.
ME AND DARLENE DO A LOT MORE THAN JUST TRADING WISECRACKS, I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW.
WE LOVE SPENDING TIME TOGETHER.
DARLENE, HONEY YOU WANT TO TAKE A WALK WITH ME DOWN TO THE STORE LATER ON? GEE, I'D LOVE TO, MOM, BUT I RATHER STAY HOME AND DRILL SOME SCREWS INTO MY TOES.
YOU GOT TO LOVE HER SENSE OF HUMOR.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? TO WATCH THE GAME.
ON TV? NO.
THE BULLS AND KNICKS ARE ACTUALLY COMING OVER AND PLAYING IN OUR LIVING ROOM.
YOU WANT TO HELP ME MOVE THE COUCH? YEAH.
WE'LL PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WELL, I'M JOINING YOU.
YEAH, BUT YOU HATE BASKETBALL.
YEAH, I KNOW THAT, BUT I LOVE MY LITTLE DAUGHTER.
HEY, YOU WANT TO WATCH THAT MARY HART SPECIAL? SEVEN, MOM.
OH, RIGHT.
HEY, HEY.
ME AND YOU, WE HAVE SOME GOOD TALKS, DON'T WE? MOM, WHAT'S GOING ON? I MEAN, WHY IS DAD AT THE MALL LEECHING ON BECKY? NOTHING'S GOING ON.
YOU'RE LYING.
I'M NOT LYING.
WELL, HOW COME YOU'RE NOT AT THE MALL SHOPPING WITH BECKY? WELL, I WAS GOING TO GO, BUT, YOU KNOW, I HEAR THERE'S SOME GREAT GAME ON.
YEAH, OK.
NO, NO.
WELL, ME AND YOUR DAD WERE JUST CHECKING IN WITH YOU AND BECKY, YOU KNOW? PARENTS JUST HAVE TO DO THAT EVERY NOW AND THEN.
YOU JUST KIND OF, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND YOU JUST HAVE TO SHOUT DOWN THERE, "HEY, EVERYTHING OK IN THERE?" THEN YOU HOPE FOR A GOOD ANSWER.
IS EVERYTHING OK? YEAH.
NOW SHUT THE DOOR.
I'M GETTING A DRAFT.
IS THAT HOW YOU'RE GONNA GET THROUGH YOUR LIFE, JUST ALL THESE WISECRACKS? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO? WELL, IT WORKED FOR YOU-- I MEAN, NOT THAT MY WISECRACKS CAN EVEN COMPARE WITH YOURS.
DIFFERENT LEAGUE, YOU KNOW, BUT I MEAN IT'S COOL.
YOU'RE ALWAYS COMING UP WITH THIS OFF-THE-WALL STUFF, AND I LIKE IT.
I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT AS SAPPY AS ALL THOSE OTHER KIDS' PARENTS.
THINK SO? YEAH, RIGHT.
WELL, LOOK, HOW ABOUT THIS? IS THIS ONE A GOOD ONE? WHAT? NO, DAD.
LISTEN, YOU HATE THIS, DON'T YOU? OF COURSE NOT.
BE HONEST.
I KNOW YOU HATE SHOPPING.
ONLY PARTS OF IT, LIKE THE WAITING THE WALKING THE SEARCHING, THE CARRYING, STANDING THERE LIKE A FOOL WHILE SOMEONE TAKES AN ALARM OFF YOUR NEW PANTS.
THEN WHY DID YOU COME DOWN HERE WITH ME? YOU COULD HAVE JUST DROPPED ME OFF.
WHY DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAD TO HANG WITH ME ALL DAY? MOM.
MOM.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE WANTS EVERYTHING TO BE JUST RIGHT.
UH-HUH.
SHE GOT IT INTO HER HEAD THAT YOU AND I WEREN'T SPENDING ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER, SO HERE WE ARE-- ON A SPREE.
DAD, WE SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, YOU WERE EVEN UP IN MY ROOM A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.
YEAH, AND YOU ACTED LIKE IT WAS A CRIME AGAINST NATURE.
WELL, THAT'S JUST 'CAUSE YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T USUALLY COME UP THERE.
YEAH, I--II KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN, I GUESS, UH WE REALLY DON'T TALK A WHOLE LOT ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE.
BUT I TELL MOM STUFF, AND SHE PRETTY MUCH TELLS YOU EVERYTHING, HUH? NOT ALWAYS.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN TALK TO ME, TOO.
YOU KNOW I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
I MEAN, I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER, TOO, BUT I REALLY ADORE YOU.
DAD.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
I'M JUST SAYING, BABY, YOU KNOW-- YO, CONNER.
YO, DANA.
WHAT'S THE HAPS? WE'RE LIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ULTIMATE.
WHO ARE YOU HERE WITH? MY OLD MAN.
HIYA, KIDS.
[COUGH COUGH.]
OH, HI, MR.
CONNER.
SO WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING? OH, WE'RE GONNA GO TO CHECK OUT SOME TAPES AT THE MUSIC MEISTER.
ARE YOU TRAPPED FOR THE WHOLE DAY? WELL, SORT OF.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY.
OK.
MAYBE I'LL CALL YOU TONIGHT.
DANA, WAIT UP.
OK, OK.
I WON'T CALL.
JUST HOLD ON.
LOOK, UM WHY DON'T WE LET EACH OTHER OFF THE HOOK HERE.
YOU GO AND SHOP AND I'LL SPLIT.
WE WON'T TELL MOM.
DAD, THAT'S LYING.
OK.
HERE, BUY YOURSELF SOMETHING NICE, AND WHEN I GET HOME, I WANT TO HEAR ALL THE GOSSIP.
HEY, DAD.
YEAH? THANKS FOR, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.
YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT HERE'S A 10-SPOT FOR SAYING SO.
NO, THEY DON'T MAKE RUBBER.
THEY GET IT FROM TREES.
AND I ALREADY TOLD YOU HOW THEY GET TREES.
WOW, MOM, YOU REALLY DO KNOW EVERYTHING.
YEAH, AND I GET IT ALL FROM BOOKS.
DAD, DID YOU KNOW MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING? YEAH, THAT'S JUST ONE OF THE LITTLE THINGS WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH IN THIS FAMILY.
HEY, D.
J.
, YOU KNOW HOW THEY INVENTED PRIVACY, DON'T YOU? HOW? SCRAM.
I SEE.
SO, HOW DID IT GO? WHAT CAN I SAY? I LOVE THE MALL.
WELL, YOU MISSED A HELL OF A KNICKS GAME, BOY.
THEY HAD ABOUT SIX BILLION OVERTIMES.
NO KIDDING? WHO WON? SO, YOU AND BECKY OK? OH, YEAH, WE HAD A GREAT TIME.
SHE LOOKED AT CLOTHES, I WATCHED.
SHE LOOKED AT BOYS, I WATCHED.
SHE BUMPED INTO FRIENDS, I SPLIT.
SHE'S OK.
SHE LOVES ME, I LOVE HER.
WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M A MODEL DAD.
BOY, I FEEL LIKE I OUGHT TO GO OVER THERE TO THE DEPARTMENT STORE AND PICK YOU UP ONE OF THEM "DAD" JACKETS, YOU KNOW, WITH THE PATCHES ON THE ELBOWS AND EVERYTHING, WARD.
HOW DID YOU MAKE OUT WITH DARLENE-- YOU KNOW, THE DAUGHTER I REALLY LIKE? AH, WE'RE FINE.
GOD, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU CAME UP WITH THAT ONE.
AS YOU'LL RECALL, I DIDN'T START THIS.
OH, YEAH.
WELL, WHATEVER.
HI, DAD.
HOW'S IT GOING? YEAH.
NO KIDDING.
YEAH.
YEAH, THAT'S REAL INTERESTING, DAD.
IS MOM THERE? IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN BY LITTLE THINGS PARENTS ARE NAGGING ABOUT? YES.
YES.
IF THEY WANT US TO ACT LIKE ADULTS, WHY DO THEY STILL TREAT US AS IF WE WERE CHILDREN? MAYBE WE SHOULD TALK TO THEM.
EVERY TIME THEY NAG US, WE SHOULD TELL THEM WE'RE NOT CHILDREN ANYMORE.
TALKING WON'T HELP.
BUT MAYBE IF JOHNNY WOULD DO WHAT HIS MOTHER WANTS HIM TO DO AND WEAR HIS RUBBERS WHEN IT'S RAINY OR MUDDY OUTSIDE.
BUT GEE, WE CAN'T ALWAYS BE PERFECT.
SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE EATING HOT CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST.
WE SURE CAN'T.
WE CAN'T ALWAYS DO WHAT THEY TELL US TO DO.
WELL, THAT'S TRUE, BUT BEING AN ADULT DOESN'T MEAN BEING PERFECT EITHER.
BEING AN ADULT DOES MEAN THINKING OUT REASONS FOR AND AGAINST EATING CERTAIN FOODS, WEARING RUBBERS, SITTING LIKE A RAMROD.
ONCE YOU LEARN THAT WHAT YOUR PARENTS ASK YOU TO DO IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO ACCEPT IT.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL