Home Improvement s03e05 Episode Script

Oh, nice hit! Yes.
Oh, yeah, that'll be fine.
OK, bye-bye.
Tim, you know what my problem is? (louder) Tim! You know what my problem is? Huh? You know what my problem is? You repeat yourself.
No.
I am just too nice.
That's what I was gonna say.
Can I watch this fight, please? No.
Here.
Wait.
(turns sound down) Why are you turning the sound down? I need your help.
Here What's the point of listening to the fight if I can't hear their skulls being batted around? You know that woman - Marilyn Sanders - who's always raising money for everything? Cute blonde with the really big eyes? Those "eyes" are way bigger than they were six months ago.
Anyway, she talked me into heading up this library fund-raiser.
I don't have time for this.
I got the job and the boys and my inattentive husband.
Huh? Tim, come on.
Tell you what you do.
What? You call her up and you lie to her, tell her you gotta spend all this time with your husband 'cause he's got a severe mental problem.
Where's the lie? What do you think, could we put the kids in the middle? Al has just cleaned this window with Binford's standard-size squeegee, perfect for daily jobs.
For the big job, you might want to turn to Binford's mega squeegee.
This can clean the windshield of a big rig in one stroke.
And a storefront in under a minute.
And Al's mother's back in less than an hour.
Now remember, if it doesn't say "Binford" on it, somebody else probably makes it.
(musical flourish) That brings us to the final segment here on Tool Time.
When men get done doing a real hard job, sometimes we don't look like we want to, right, Al? No, we don't.
I'm usually hot, greasy, sweaty And bleeding.
But help is on the way.
To give us some grooming tips from the job site, we've invited those boys from Bay City, Michigan, back - the guys from K&B Construction Company.
Let's give 'em a big Tool Time welcome.
Come on, everybody.
Timmy! You all remember Pete and Dwayne.
You got a new member - Gus.
Gus, what'd you do before you joined up with K&B? Tim, I spent nine years teaching 12th-grade math.
Dwayne spent nine years taking 12th-grade math.
Could we? Great.
What kind of grooming tips you got for us? Well, Tim, probably the biggest concern in construction today is when you've got to go somewhere really fancy straight from the job site.
That's right, buddy.
You can't show up looking like this to Vegas Night at the Kiwanis.
So what's a guy to do? Well, Tim, we like to use the tools of our trade to clean up our act.
Let me show you.
Tim, I want you to take a look at my boot and tell me what you see.
All right.
Marv, move in and let's take a look at this.
Oh.
Good golly, Molly.
I see a little bit of concrete shavings, maybe some tar something maybe you should have wiped off before you came in.
It's not gonna look like that for long, 'cause all I have to do is take an ordinary sock, roll it around my screwdriver like this, stick the screwdriver in my drill All right.
and voilà, I've got myself a nifty boot buffer.
(whirring) Hey, hey! Now there's a tip we can all use.
I've always said you can tell a man by the shine of his shoes.
And by how clean his nails are.
You need a little work on those nails.
That's why we've got this line of Binford hand-care products in attractive packaging.
Environmentally sound.
I know they're dirty now, Tim, but sometimes on the job site, when you ain't got no water, you can't get your nails clean.
So before I step out to the discos, I take a ten-penny nail, and I scrunch out all that filth and crud.
Marv, you wanna come in for a closeup? No, let's not do that now.
Out of respect for people who might be having a meal, we'll forgo that demonstration, but thanks so much for showing us that.
OK, OK.
Anything else you guys got for us? Well, Tim, probably the biggest grooming problem out on the construction site is well, helmet hair.
Oh, yeah, hat head.
Not a real big problem on your end, is it? Why don't I just buff that up to a high gloss? Tim, I've found that a good, strong air compressor works beautifully to add bounce to a lifeless hairdo.
You wanna give it a shot? Right here.
All right.
OK, that's better.
That's all the time we have.
Next time we get to more grooming tips, the guys can come back.
Al, why don't you tell us what's on the next show? Next week, we'll be doing our salute to electrical (air hisses) wiring! That's all the time we have.
Thanks for joining us on Tool Time.
I'm Tim Taylor.
See you next time.
Al.
Hi.
Did you hear what happened? What's that? Mr.
Binford died.
Mr.
Binford? Yeah, he had a heart attack this morning.
Oh I can't believe that.
Does Tim know? I don't think so.
Oh, boy, he's gonna be devastated.
Mr.
Binford was like a father to him.
And don't do that again.
Oh, that was a fun show.
Thanks, guys.
A lot of fun.
Brace yourself, Tim.
Something awful has happened.
You saw your mom in the shower? Mr.
Binford died.
How can you play darts at a time like this? Because the foosball table's broken.
Mr.
Binford passed away.
Don't you think we should talk about this? He's dead.
Now get outta my way.
I think you need to grieve.
I think you need to get outta my way.
If you don't wanna talk about it, I certainly do.
Oh, come on.
Mr.
Binford's death was very traumatic for me.
There was there was something left unresolved between us.
Between you and John? Yes.
Last week, I asked if we could have a hot-water spigot on the water cooler.
He said he didn't think it was necessary.
So the next morning, I was very curt to him when I said hello.
Yeah? Well, that's it.
Now I have to live with that for the whole rest of my life.
Boy, that's a terrible burden, Al.
I know.
It's probably nothing compared to what you must be going through.
I'm not going through anything.
When was the last time you spoke with him? Yesterday.
You did? How'd he sound? Alive! Did he say anything about my being curt to him? Did he say? As a matter of fact, that's that's all we talked about.
I'm convinced that that's what killed him, Al.
Al, it was a joke.
Ooh-ooh.
Al, come on! Sorry, Tim, but I I don't have my usual sense of humor.
And frankly, I find your attempt at levity a little inappropriate.
What am I gonna do, cry in my beer? If you did, I wouldn't look down on you.
It's not gonna bring him back.
All right? That's not the point.
You suffered a big loss.
We all did.
Pull it together, will you, Al? I just I didn't really need that spigot! I just thought maybe it would be nice to have some hot chocolate once in a while.
It devastates him when they run out of corn nuts.
Oh, good.
Guys, hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
I got 250 flyers I gotta send out for the library fund-raiser.
I gotta stuff 'em, fold them, stamp them, address them tonight.
Who wants to volunteer? Good luck.
See ya.
Bye.
Who wants their allowance this week? I'll help.
So will I.
Me too.
I knew I could count on you boys.
There you go.
Looks like Mom's suckered you guys into helping out.
Uh-huh.
You're next.
Hi.
So how was your day? John Binford died.
What? He had a massive heart attack.
You're not gonna make us go to the funeral.
There's no way I'm going.
Hey, guys, be quiet for a sec.
When is the funeral gonna be? Tuesday at noon.
A school day.
Oh poor Mr.
Binford.
Yeah, I really loved him.
Will you guys show a little respect? Yeah, please.
Why don't you guys get changed? Let's go play some basketball at the Y.
Yeah! Honey, why basketball? What about John Binford? I don't think he can play in his condition.
Tim, don't you wanna talk about this? Not really.
Well, I'd like to talk about it.
Why don't you call Al? I don't wanna talk to Al.
I wanna talk to you.
I mean, John Binford meant a lot to both of us.
He not only gave you your first job, he loaned us the money for this house.
He was the first person there when all the boys were born.
He was a sweet, wonderful man.
You're not gonna cry, are ya? Well, yeah, I might.
What is it with everybody today? You're crying.
Al, today at Big Mike's, was blubbering like a baby.
Honey, there is nothing wrong with crying when somebody close to you dies.
It wasn't just his crying.
He was singing "Oh, Danny Boy.
" Dad, we're ready.
All right.
Why don't you guys head out to the car? You are avoiding your emotions.
I know you've gotta be feeling something.
I'm feeling like playing a little basketball.
And I wish everybody would mind their own business about this.
John is dead.
He's gone.
End of the line.
Next stop, tool heaven! Ball.
All right, sodas for the winners in the biggest basketball victory in YMCA history.
Huh.
Yeah, some victory - you and Brad beating me and Mark.
Who you gonna take on next? Nana and Grandpa? Forget about it! Nana's way too tough under the boards.
I think we should take on Nana and Grandpa.
Good, Mark.
What do you wanna drink? How about a brewski? How about a root brewski? Dad, I was real proud of you tonight.
Thanks.
It wasn't easy driving to the basket against Mark.
I'm talking about what happened with Mr.
Binford.
I think you've been taking it like a man.
Well, I don't think Mom thinks so.
She thinks I should get all teary-eyed over this thing.
That would be stupid.
It wouldn't be stupid.
Dad, guys don't cry.
Yes, guys cry.
Like when? If you scratch the paint on that hot rod, you watch Yeah, but you don't cry.
How do you know that? 'Cause you don't let stuff get to you.
Stuff gets to me.
Well, the great part is, no one can tell.
(Wilson humming) (door shuts) Hey, Wilson.
Hi-ho, Tim.
What are you doing? I'm aerating my lawn with my new steel-tipped aerator sandals.
Do you ever cry, Wilson? Anytime I step on my foot with one of these silly sandals.
Yeah, I can understand that.
No, seriously.
Do you ever cry? Well, Tim, I have been known to weep on occasion.
Well, I'm not much in the tears department.
I'm afraid Brad is growing up thinking that's the way it should be.
And that bothers you? Kind of, yeah.
Hmm.
Does this have anything to do with Mr.
Binford? How'd you hear about that? Jill told me she needed somebody to talk to.
She said you were out shooting hoops.
You know, Wilson, the trouble is, Binford and I were really, really close, and I seem like I'm the only person not crying about this.
Why do you think that is? I don't know.
As long as I can remember, I've been like this.
When my father died, I know I was real sad, but I don't remember crying.
Well, Tim, maybe crying isn't your outlet.
The shedding of tears is just one way that people mourn.
(grunts) Oh? Oh, yes.
In parts of Mexico, the bereaved decorate the grave with smiling puppets, and then they eat chocolate coffins.
Melts in your mouth, but not in the ground.
On the Solomon Islands, they hang the dead man's arms on his hut.
And in feudal Japan, when a lord died, the ronin samurai would show their loyalty by disemboweling themselves.
Whew, talk about guts.
Point is, Tim, when you lose somebody who's close to you, you have to find a way to mourn.
It's what enables you to accept the fact that person is really, truly gone.
(grunts) Yeah.
Thanks, Wilson.
That was real Hey, where have you been? Well, let's see.
After I ate dinner alone, then I went to the mailbox and mailed the 250 flyers which I stuffed, stamped and addressed myself because you took the boys to play basketball.
I should have stuck around and talked to you.
I would have preferred that, yeah.
I'm sorry, Jill, but, you know, I didn't know how to talk about this stuff.
I'm really uncomfortable with this death thing.
Which is why we have kids instead of pets, 'cause they last longer.
Honey, I knew that you were upset about it.
But, you know, you didn't know why.
John Binford was the greatest guy in the world to me.
And you know what the first thing I thought about when I heard he was dead? Are they gonna cancel the show? Am I out of a job? That is so selfish.
I don't think that's selfish.
You were thinking about the welfare of your family.
It's not selfish.
What if I told you I was worried if the show went off the air, no one would recognize me at the mall? That would be a selfish thing, yeah.
I just don't know how to mourn for John Binford.
Is there anything I can do to help you? No.
I'm pretty sure that people have to learn how to mourn for themselves.
People mourn in different cultures in different ways.
In some cultures, they put chocolate puppets in coffins.
In the Chinoogie Islands, or someplace, they actually hang arms on aluminum siding as a way to do this.
And Ronny the samurai - you don't even wanna know what he does.
I don't know, Tim.
It may take a while, but I think that you're gonna find a way to grieve.
You know, I just hope that you don't cut anything off.
Does everybody know what time it is? (all) Tool Time! That's right.
Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Whoo! (grunting) Thank you, Heidi, and thank you, everybody.
Welcome to Tool Time.
I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
You all know my assistant - Al "Cry Me a River" Borland.
Ha-ha-ha.
If I didn't let my feelings out, Tim, I would not be the man I am today.
That's food for thought, isn't it? Anyway, today, we're gonna talk about John Binford.
Founder of Binford Tools.
Uh, John Binford passed away this Thursday.
And, um John Binford was a heck of a guy.
He was the kind of guy you could call 24 hours a day if anything as bothering you.
He was always there for you.
The kind of guy who would forgive someone for being curt.
Or Russell or whatever your name might be.
Uh John Binford believed in me when I was just a tool salesman many years ago.
He handpicked me to host what has now become Michigan's fourth-highest-rated cable tool show.
I owe a lot to John Binford.
In his honor, I've made him a special tombstone.
Al.
This is outta one piece of Michigan limestone.
I'm very impressed, Tim.
Thanks, Al.
I chiseled this out of limestone in the shape of a claw hammer, which is the first hammer that Binford designed.
Yes, it was.
John once told me that with the right tool, you can fix anything.
Huh.
Unfortunately, um there's no tool that can fix how I'm feeling right now.
I'm gonna miss you, John.
You know, I think we should bid John farewell in the Tool Time fashion - a little tribute to John Binford with a Binford Do you think this is a little dangerous, Tim? No, wait.
Warren, the protective drop cloth, please.
Have you tried this? The drop cloths will collect all the nails.
It'll be perfect.
You've tried this? Hold on, hold on.
(electronic whirring) Klaus, some music, please.
( Taps) So long, Johnny.
(chuckling) Tim, just be careful.
Get the Pull the pull the plug! (nail guns continue firing) Hey.
That's all of our show today.
I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
I gotta get outta here.
Hi, guys.
How was the funeral? It was great.
There was tool reps from everywhere.
All these I remember from the old days.
You never saw so many tear-stained beer bellies.
And poor Al, blubbering about some water spigot? He was broken up about that, wasn't he? Not as broken up as you were.
You cried? He cried more than the widow.
That's 'cause she didn't have to pay for parking.
I'm gonna go change.
Dad, I can't believe you cried.
I can't believe I did, either.
I thought I said goodbye on Tool Time.
Once I started talking with those guys, it just came out.
But you know what? After I was crying, I felt like a pathetic old woman.
Remember, if it doesn't say "Binford" on it somebody else's name is probably there.
(musical flourish) Stay down! That brings us to the next segment I don't feel so good.