King of the Hill s03e07 Episode Script

1 GOOD OLD MASON 1500.
HANDLES LIKE THE DAY I BOUGHT HER.
I TELL YOU WHAT.
THIS IS THE ONLY MOWER I'D WANT WITH ME IF I WERE EVER STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND.
YOU ARE GOING TO KILL AT THAT LAWNMOWER FOCUS GROUP TOMORROW, HANK.
NOW, DALE, A FOCUS GROUP IS NOT A COMPETITION.
IT'S A CHANCE FOR THE INFORMED LAWN MOWER CONSUMER TO GIVE VALUABLE INPU TO THE MASON CORPORATION IN A COMFORTABLE MALL SETTING.
I THINK IT'S JUST AN HONOR TO BE INVITED.
YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YOU WHY WE'VE GOT TO GO TOMORROW.
LOOK AT YOUR AVERAGE PICKUP TRUCK.
WITH AIRBAGS AND VANITY MIRRORS IT'S ONE FOCUS GROUP AWAY FROM TURNING INTO A POWDER ROOM.
WE CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO THE MASON 1500.
WE SURE CAN'T, CAN WE? BILL, THE ONLY REASON I INVITED DALE AND BOOMHAUER AND NOT YOU IS 'CAUSE YOU'RE COMING OVER FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AND I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET SICK OF ME.
OH, HANK, I WILL NEVER BE SICK OF YOU NOT EVEN WHEN WE'RE SHARING A CLOUD IN HEAVEN.
( sighing ): ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN COME.
BUT WHEN I MAKE A POINT, JUST NOD.
Tilly: HANK, YOU ASKED ME TO TELL YOU WHEN CELINE DION IS OFF THE FIELD.
SHE'S OFF.
THANKS, MOM.
( chuckles ) AREN'T MOMS GREAT? ( all agreeing ) I TELL YOU WHAT I'M THANKFUL FOR-- THAT IT'S MY MOM'S TURN TO SPEND THANKSGIVING WITH US.
SHE EATS THE DARK MEAT AND DOESN'T COMPLAIN.
BOY, I TELL YOU SHE'D WHAT THE? YOU LAWN JOCKEYS WERE STANDING HERE WHEN I LEFT TWO MONTHS AGO.
PATHETIC.
DAD, YOU CAME LAST THANKSGIVING.
THIS YEAR IT'S MOM'S TURN, REMEMBER? WELL, I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANY FUSS.
YOUR MOTHER CAN EAT IN THE YARD.
NOW, IN ADDITION TO ALL THE THINGS WE NORMALLY DON'T TALK ABOU IN FRONT OF MY DAD LET ME ADD MY MASON COMPANY FOCUS GROUP.
HOW COULD YOU BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS FOCUS GROUP? YOUR FATHER IS GOING TO RUIN THIS THANKSGIVING AS SURELY AS SQUANTO AND HIS BAND OF INDIANS RUINED THE FIRST ONE.
OH, WILL YOU LOOK AT THE TIME? WE'VE GOT TO GET THIS DINNER ON THE TABLE BECAUSE WE ARE GETTING UP AT 4:00 TOMORROW MORNING.
HUH? IT IS A TWO-HOUR DRIVE TO THE MALL AND I WANT US THERE RIGHT WHEN THE DOORS OPEN.
I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN UP THAT EARLY IN MY LIFE UNLESS FISH WERE INVOLVED.
HANK, THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING IS, IN MY OPINION, THE BIGGEST SHOPPING DAY OF THE YEAR AND I WILL NOT SPEND ANOTHER YEAR GIVING DALLAS MAVERICKS CRAP BECAUSE THE COWBOYS STUFF WAS ALL SOLD OU SO I WANT US IN BED BY 7:30.
I WON'T BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP THAT EARLY.
YOU ARE NOT EVEN TRYING.
HAVE ANOTHER BEER.
OH, WELL, IT'S WORTH A SHOT.
DEAR LORD, WE ARE GRATEFUL THAT COTTON HAS FORGOTTEN OUR CAREFULLY WORKED OU HOLIDAY-PARENT ROTATION SCHEDULE SO THAT WE MAY ALL BE TOGETHER ON THIS DAY.
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
( noisy chewing and belching) TILLY, DID YOU MAKE THIS STUFFING? 'CAUSE IT TASTES LIKE GARBAGE.
UH, DAD I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME SHE TRIED TO POISON ME WITH A BAKED CHICKEN? ( sighs ) IT WAS CHICKEN ALMONDINE.
IT WAS CYANIDE, WOMAN.
UH, DAD, COULD YOU PLEASE SHOW MOM SOME RESPECT WHILE BOBBY'S IN THE ROOM? YOU HEARD HIM, BOBBY.
LEAVE THE ROOM.
Hank: NO, SIT DOWN, BOBBY.
COULD YOU AT LEAST RESPECT GRANDMOM UNTIL WE GET TO DESSERT? DIDI'S YOUR GRANDMOM TOO, BOBBY-- YOUR PRETTY GRANDMOM.
DAD.
'COURSE, BAD AS TILLY WAS IN THE KITCHEN SHE WAS EVEN WORSE IN THE BEDROOM.
I SAID THE WOMAN WAS LOUSY IN THE SACK.
( sighs ) TO THE STUFFING.
MIGHT TASTE LIKE GARBAGE, BUT IT SURE FILLS YOU UP.
Hank: COME ON, PEGGY TURN OFF YOUR ITTY-BITTY HEADLAMP AND LET'S GET SOME SLEEP.
THIS IS SIX MALLS OVER TEXAS, HANK.
IF YOU GO UNPREPARED, IT WILL EAT YOU ALIVE.
Tilly: GOOD NIGHT, PEGGY.
THAT WAS A LOVELY DINNER.
GOOD NIGHT, SON.
HMM.
WELL, MOM SEEMED TO ENJOY HERSELF TONIGHT.
YOU DEFENDED TROY AIKMAN MORE THAN YOU DEFENDED YOUR MOTHER.
MOM KNOWS HOW IT IS WITH DAD AND THERE WERE SIX DROPPED PASSES.
ALL TROY CAN DO IS GET IT THERE.
OKAY, EVERYONE.
FOLLOW MY BEAM.
HURRY, CAREFULLY.
Cotton: GOOD MORNING.
HOPES WE WASN'T TOO LOUD LAST NIGHT.
JUST SO YOU KNOW YOU KIDS ARE ON YOUR OWN TODAY.
I'M TAKING BOBBY ICE-SKATING AT THE MALL.
WE'RE GOING TO GO MEET GUYS.
I'M THE BAIT.
WHAT? GUYS LOVE SINGLE MOMS.
Cotton: OOH, I FORGOT HOW MUCH OLD LADIES STINK.
GOOD GOD, YOU'VE GOT A FAT NECK, HANK.
SO, DAD, I THOUGHT WE'D SPLIT UP AT THE MALL.
AH, ARE YOU GOING TO TALK THE WHOLE WAY? Cotton: I'M GOING TO HEAD DOWN TO THE CORN DOG SHACK AND WATCH THE GIRLIES MAKE LEMONADE.
GOOD-BYE, PEGGY.
NO TIME.
OH, FIRE TRUCK! HI.
HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE TO GLUE A RUBBER SOLE BACK ON A LADIES' LOAFER? FIVE MINUTES.
LADIES' LOAFER? THAT'S A MEN'S LOAFER.
IT IS A UNI-LOAFER.
AH, HAVE IT YOUR WAY.
THIS IS GOING TO TAKE AWHILE.
HEY, HERE COME LEFTOVER TURKEYS.
( laughing ) AH, HELL, YOU'RE HERE? I AM EVERYWHERE YOU WANT TO BE HANK HILL.
I'M JONATHAN BURROWS, YOUR MODERATOR.
MY RESEARCH ASSOCIATES AND I AT RESEARCH ASSOCIATES HAVE ONLY ONE CLIENT-- THE AMERICAN CONSUMER.
YES, WE ARE BEING PAID BY THE MASON CORPORATION BUT WE'RE PAID TO BE INDEPENDENT.
I'LL DO ALL THE TALKING WHAT'S THE MATTER? WE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE RUN INTO YOUR DAD IN THE MEN'S ROOM AND WE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM THAT WE WERE BEING PAID $50 TO PARTICIPATE IN A FOCUS GROUP.
MOSTLY, "MAY.
" DAD, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
( chuckling ) NOW, WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO DO IS TURN AROUND, HEAD OUT THE DOOR AND WELL, ONCE YOU'RE OUT THE DOOR THERE REALLY IS NO WRONG TURN.
OUT OF MY WAY.
AH, DAMN.
WHY DON'T WE START BY INTRODUCING OURSELVES.
KAHN SOUPHANOUSINPHONE.
I AM SYSTEM ANALYST.
SO THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
WHAT KIND OF SYSTEMS? OH, WHY BOTHER EXPLAIN? YOU ALREADY IN OVER YOUR HEAD.
YOU, SIR? UH, LANE PRATLEY.
I OWN PRATLEY FORD, PRATLEY HYUNDAI AND, UH, I'VE GOT MY EYE ON PRATLEY CADILLAC.
MY DADDY AIN'T DOING SO GOOD.
HEY, YOU SOLD ME AN ESCORT ONCE.
BOYCE HUBERT.
MINISTER.
ALTHOUGH, I'VE LOST MY FAITH.
COURSE, I DID FIND A PRETTY GREAT PARKING SPACE ON MY WAY IN.
BUT THE LORD WORKS IN SUCH MYSTERIOUS WAYS WHO THE HELL KNOWS.
UH, MY NAME'S HANK HILL AND I HE RUNS A GAS STATION.
NEXT.
I'M COTTON HILL.
I KILLED 50 MEN.
IS THAT A REAL COMPUTER? YES.
OH, IN IN THAT CASE, MY NAME IS RUSTY SHACKLEFORD.
SHACKLEFORD.
HEY, YOU CAN JUST GO AHEAD AND CALL ME BOOMHAUER, MAN IT DON'T, LAST NAME NO ONE'S DONE A LOT OF DIFFERENT THING, YOU KNOW, HAD A JOB BACK THERE COMPANY SETTLEMENT I GE UH, WORKS COMP, TOO, MAN IT'S TAX FREE, MAN.
OKAY, UH, YOU, SIR? I'M BILL DAUTERIVE.
I'M A SERGEANT BARBER IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
I'M FIVE FOOT EIGHT AND THREE-QUARTERS INCHES TALL.
MY WIFE LENORE DIVORCED ME IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 1991.
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
SUPER.
WHAT A FINE LOT YOU ARE.
AND NOW I'D LIKE TO DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO THE BEST THAT THE MASON CORPORATION HAS TO OFFER THAT'S MY MOWER-- THE MASON 1500.
THE MASON SWEET! LORD HAVE MERCY.
THAT'S NOT MY MOWER.
THEY CALL THIS PROGRESS? THEY'VE PUSHED OUT ALL THE MOWER TO MAKE ROOM FOR "CRUISE CONTROL, ZERO-TURNING RADIUS "FEATHERWEIGHT SPACE-AGE POLYMERS OPTIONAL REAR-BAG ATTACHMENT, TOMMY HILFINGER SPORTS PACKAGE"? I LOVE THIS MOWER SO MUCH, MY MY HEART HURTS.
WHY? WHY DO YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH? BECAUSE HANK HILL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD ONE ON HIS MEAGER SALARY.
MY BOY'S A PUMP JOCKEY.
WORKS FOR TIPS.
DAD, I DO NOT WORK FOR TIPS.
PUMP JOCKEY.
DAD, I AM NOT A PUMP WORKS FOR TIPS.
I LIKE THE MOWER.
IT'S GOT A LOT OF NICE CURVES LIKE A PURTY YOUNG WOMAN.
HANK'S MOWER'S LIKE A DUMPY FISHWIFE.
( loud rock music playing ) WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR, LUANNE? MM, MAYBE IT'S TOO SOON SINCE BUCKLEY'S NOT GETTING ANY DEADER, LUANNE.
IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON.
YEAH.
LET'S GO! ( "Rock And Roll, Part II" playing ) ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? ( sobbing ) IT'S JUST THAT THEY'RE PLAYING BUCKLEY AND MY SONG.
HEY.
HEY.
WELL, YOU GOT TO LOVE A PRODUC WITH THIS MANY OPTIONS AND ADD-ONS.
SEE, THAT'S WHERE YOU MAKE YOUR MONEY.
YOU TAKE YOUR OPTIONAL REAR BAG.
NOW, IF I HAD A MASON DEALERSHIP I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE YOU IF YOU WALKED INTO MY SHOWROOM YOU'D RIDE OUT WITH THAT BAG BEHIND YOUR ASS.
YOU SOLD ME PINSTRIPES FOR MY ESCORT.
NO.
NO, NO.
NO, LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU.
I FINANCED YOUR PINSTRIPES FOR YOUR ESCORT.
SO, IF I'M HEARING YOU PEOPLE THIS MOWER HAS SURPASSED YOUR EXPECTATIONS AND QUITE POSSIBLY, YOUR DREAMS? NOW, HOLD ON.
BOOMHAUER, BILL AND RUSTY AND ME DON'T LIKE IT.
AH! OF COURSE, YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
ANYTHING I LIKE, YOU DON'T LIKE.
THEN WHEN I SAY I DON'T LIKE SOMETHING-- FOR EXAMPLE, YOUR MOTHER-- YOU'VE GOT TO SAY HOW MUCH YOU LIKE HER EVEN MORE.
PLEASE KEEP MY MOTHER OUT OF THIS.
HOW ABOUT YOU, RUSTY? RUSTY? RUSTY? OH, SHACKLEFORD.
YES, I AM PRO-MOWER.
WHAT? I LIKE THE ASHTRAY.
DON'T BE AN IDIOT, DALE.
THAT'S THE GAS CAP.
HE'S AN IDIOT.
HE CAN USE IT HOWEVER HE WANTS.
THANK YOU, COLONEL.
( sighs ) WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE PRETTY CLOSE TO A CONSENSUS.
NOW, IF WE COULD DISCUSS THE ELECTRIC SEAT WARMER? WHY WOULD WE NEED OUR SEAT WARMED? THAT'S WHAT PANTS ARE FOR, RIGHT, BOOMHAUER? I DON'T KNOW, HANK.
DANG OL' GET NAKED ON THAT DANG OL' THING, MAN.
I'M GOING TO HEAT MY LITTLE VIBRATE MIGHT FEEL GOOD, MAN.
SO YOU'RE IN FAVOR OF THE MOWER, MR.
BOOMHAUER? HEY, MAN, YOU DANG OL' LISTEN, MAN.
( Hank sighs ) BOOMHAUER I'D LIKE TO MAKE A POINT.
I ALREADY MADE YOUR POINT, BILL.
WE DON'T LIKE IT.
WE LIKE THE OLD MODEL, THANK YOU.
IS THAT THE POIN YOU WANTED TO MAKE, MR.
DAUTERIVE? YES.
NO! HANK, YOU HAVE BEEN SPEAKING FOR ME FOR I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.
YEARS AND YEARS.
THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
WELL, STARTING TODAY WILLIAM FONTAINE DE LA TOUR DAUTERIVE SPEAKS FOR HIMSELF! THAT A BOY, PHIL.
AND WHAT I HAVE TO SAY WILL ROCK YOUR WORLD! I LIKE THE CUP HOLDER.
BILL, WE CAN ORDER YOU A CUP HOLDER AND I'LL ATTACH IT TO YOUR 1500.
NO, NO.
I'M SORRY, MR.
HILL.
MASON DOESN'T MAKE PARTS FOR MODELS THAT ARE BEING DISCONTINUED.
YOUR MOWER IS, UH OH, WHAT'S A NICE WORD FOR "OBSOLETE"? "COLLECTIBLE"? PERFECT.
BILL'S ON FIRE TODAY! WAY TO GO, BILL.
YOUR MOWER'S OBSOLETE, HANK.
WHEN SOMETHING GETS OLD AND TIRED YOU GOT TO TRADE UP.
YOU MEAN, LIKE YOU TRADED-IN MOTHER FOR DIDI? I DIDN'T TRADE YOUR MAMA IN.
A TRADE-IN HAS SOME VALUE.
I SCRAPPED HER.
LISTEN TO ALL OF YOU.
YOU'RE HYPNOTIZED BY A SLICK MOWER WITH ALL SORTS OF BELLS AND WHISTLES AND YOU'RE GOING TO FALL FOR IT.
WELL, I'M NOT.
MY MOWER IS RELIABLE, LOW-MAINTENANCE AND HAS HELD UP DAMN WELL OVER THE YEARS.
I'VE GOT A GOOD MOWER AND I HAVE GOT A GOOD MOTHER.
SO, LET'S SEE A SHOW OF HANDS.
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF THE NEW MODEL WAIT.
ARE WE VOTING FOR HANK'S MOM OR THE MOWER? THE MOWER.
OH! GENTLEMEN, YOU'VE MADE IT CLEAR THAT THIS NEW MOWER IS WHAT TODAY'S CONSUMER WANTS.
WHEN DO WE GET OUR $50? WE HAVEN'T EARNED IT YET.
THIS INVITATION SPECIFICALLY STATES THAT WE ARE TO DISCUSS THIS NEW LAWNMOWER FOR THREE HOURS-- FROM 9:00 A.
M.
TO NOON.
WE STILL HAVE AN HOUR AND A HALF.
( all grumbling ) GIVE US A BREAK, HANK.
WHEN YOU LITTLE REDNECK BOY, YOU COULDN'T DEFEND YOUR MOTHER.
NOW YOU COMPENSATE BY DEFENDING YOUR MOWER.
YOU CONFUSE PERSONAL ISSUES WITH TECHNOLOGICAL.
I HAVE FATHER ISSUES, TOO, BUT THIS IS A GOOD MOWER.
YEAH.
NO, IT'S NOT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M WILLING TO PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS.
I'LL PUT UP MY $50, LESS MY EXPENSES IF YOU STILL LIKE THE NEW MOWER AFTER I'VE HAD MY SAY.
THAT WORKS OUT TO OVER SEVEN DOLLARS APIECE.
PUT ON YOUR TAP SHOES, SHIRLEY.
( moaning softly ) WAIT TILL DAD SEES THIS! I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THOSE THINGS COTTON SAID ABOUT YOU.
IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
HE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU.
I WOULDN'T MIND COTTON'S RANTINGS IF HANK WOULD JUST STICK UP FOR ME.
WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, HANK DOESN'T STICK UP FOR ME, EITHER HIS OWN STEPMOTHER.
NOW, YOU FOLKS THINK THA JUST BECAUSE THIS MOWER IS NEW, IT'S IMPROVED SO WE SHOULD JUST GET RID OF THE OLD ONE, RIGHT? ABOUT THE SIZE OF IT THERE.
HOLD ON FOR A SECOND.
A LOT OF GREAT THINGS IN LIFE ARE OLD LIKE OLD GLORY, OLD FAITHFUL, OLD TESTAMENT.
"THOU SHALT NOT KILL.
" JUST BECAUSE A BAPTISM TURNS INTO A LITTLE DROWNING EVERYBODY'S GOT TO BLAME SOMEBODY.
REVEREND, THAT'S AN AWFUL THING.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? MITSUBISHI DIAMANTE.
HANK, IF YOU'RE JUST ABOUT THROUGH HERE I'D LIKE TO TAKE THE GOOD REVEREND OVER TO THE LO PUT HIM BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A BRAND-NEW, PRE-OWNED SONATA.
I'M NOT THROUGH HERE YET, LANE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS: YOU'D BUY THIS MOWER, RIGH WITH ALL THE BELLS AND WHISTLES? WELL, HELL, YEAH.
SO YOU'D BE THE ONE PAYING ALL THAT DEALER MARKUP, RIGHT? YOU'D BE JUST LIKE ME.
HO, HO, HEY, NOW, HONDO.
JUST A SECOND HERE.
THOSE GOTDANG MASON SONS OF BITCHES.
I'M CHANGING MY VOTE.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
WE'RE MAKING SOME PROGRESS HERE.
NOW, BOOMHAUER YOU LIKE THAT ELECTRONIC SEAT WARMER? YO.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT, BUT BOOMHAUER, WHEN YOU RIDE YOUR MOWER WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR BEER? MAN, I PLANT THAT DANG OL' BEER RIGHT BETWEEN THE LEGS, MAN.
BETWEEN HIS LEGS.
IN OTHER WORDS, THIS ELECTRONIC SEAT WARMER IS HEATING UP MORE THAN JUST BOOMHAUER'S CAN.
IT'S ALSO HEATING UP HIS CAN OF BEER.
OH, MAN! I DON'T WANT WARM BEER.
LIKE I GOT THAT DANG OL' EUROTRASH, MAN.
DRINKING THAT OLD, WARM CRAP.
ALL RIGHT, BOOMHAUER'S ON BOARD.
THAT MAKES THREE OF US.
YOU'LL NEVER SWAY ME.
I AM UNSWAYABLE.
I'D BE A LITTLE MORE IMPRESSED WITH YOU, DALE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE CHOCOLATE CHIP CRUMBS ALL OVER YOUR EYEBROWS.
NO WAY.
SEE FOR YOURSELF.
HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
( gasps ) WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?! OH, THOSE ARE JUST PEOPLE SENT HERE TO MONITOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS.
YOU KNOW, GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
( screams ) THAT'S FOUR.
ALL RIGHT.
I THINK I'VE GOT ENOUGH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE COMMENTS TO PUT TOGETHER A VERY POSITIVE REPORT.
NOT SO FAST.
I'VE STILL GOT 30 MINUTES.
AND TAIWAN WON'T BE FAR BEHIND.
AND SECOND ROCK THE CASBAH ROCK THE CASBAH SHAREEF DON'T LIKE IT.
( screams ) ( all laughing ) THAT'S IT.
THIS IS A ZERO-TURNING RADIUS MOWER, IS IT NOT? IT HAS A REAR-BAG OPTION AND IT'S MADE OF ULTRALIGHT, SPACE-AGE MATERIALS.
TAKEN ALONE EACH OF THOSE THINGS MIGHT BE GOOD BUT COMBINED, THEY'RE A PRESCRIPTION FOR TERROR.
I DON'T SEE OR LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
REVEREND HUBERT I DIDN'T DROWN THAT BOY! WOULD YOU DO ME THE HONOR OF GETTING ON THE MOWER? NOW, DRIVE TO THE WALL AND EXECUTE A 180-DEGREE TURN.
NOW ENGAGE THE ZERO-TURNING RADIUS.
WHAT? WHOA! WHOA! Kahn: THAT COULD HAPPEN ME.
I HATE THIS MOWER! THERE'S YOUR SPACE-AGE POLYMERS.
THERE'S YOUR ZERO-TURNING RADIUS.
THERE'S YOUR REAR-BAG OPTION.
MY CUP HOLDER! OH, NOW I KNOW WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS SPEAKING FOR ME, HANK 'CAUSE I'M NEVER RIGHT AND YOU ALWAYS ARE.
YOU KNOW, BILL, IF I'M ALWAYS SPEAKING FOR YOU AND I'M ALWAYS RIGH THAT MEANS YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT, TOO, DOESN'T IT? WELL, UH ( whispers ): IT DOES.
IT DOES.
IT DOES! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? I'M ALWAYS RIGHT.
THAT'S EVERYBODY BUT ONE.
PREACHER, IF Y'ALL ARE STILL IN THE BAPTIZING BUSINESS I'D LIKE YOU TO DROWN MY BOY, HANK.
THEY SAID THE LADIES ROOM WAS THE SECOND DOOR ON THE RIGH SO THIS MUST BE IT.
Cotton: I'LL TELL YOU WHO GETTING MY VOTE.
THE GUY WHO FIGURES OUT A WAY TO STRAP AN OLD WOMAN ON AN OLD MOWER AND RUN THEM BOTH OFF A CLIFF.
OH, HE'S DOING IT AGAIN AND IN PUBLIC.
DON'T GET ME WRONG, MR.
KAHN.
I LIKE A WOMAN WITH A BIG BUTT.
BUT TILLY WAS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION.
ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH, DAD.
DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, BOY.
I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
NO, DAD.
MY MOWER IS NOT TOO OLD AND MY MOM WAS NOT TOO OLD.
BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT MY MOM AND IT'S CERTAINLY NOT ABOUT MY MOWER.
IT'S ABOUT A BITTER OLD MAN WHO BLAMES EVERYBODY BUT HIMSELF FOR ALL HIS OWN PROBLEMS.
AND IF YOU EVER TALK ABOUT MY MOM OR MY MOWER LIKE THAT AGAIN, YOU'RE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOUSE.
AMEN.
( sputtering ) YOU GOT A FAT NECK, BOY! WELL, I'M NOT SURE IF THERE IS A GOD OR A HEAVEN BUT ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU IS YOUR DADDY'S GOING TO HELL.
HELLO, SON.
HOW WAS THE FOCUS GROUP? AH, NOT SO GREAT.
AND NOW I'VE GOT TO DO ALL MY SHOPPING.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, MOM? I DON'T NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU, HANK.
YOU'VE GIVEN ME ENOUGH ALREADY.
( snoring ) Hank: WELL, I GUESS PEGGY GOT A RIDE HOME WITH COTTON.
HUH, I'LL BE DIPPED.
PUMP JOCKEY! I AM NOT WORKS FOR TIPS!