The Middle s03e07 Episode Script

Halloween-- a time to dress up and show another side of yourself, or in Sue's case, six sides.
So? What do you think? Oh my God.
Oh, wow, honey.
That's great, and it's so big.
Aren't you too old to still be dressing up for hall-lame-ween? It's a costume party, Axl, so why don't you just shut up? Why don't you just get lost like all the rest of the dice in this house? Hmm? Have you given any thought on how you're gonna fit in the car? Carly's dad is taking us to the party in his pickup truck.
He said I can ride in the back.
It's safe.
He's gonna strap me down with a bungee cord.
It's them! Oh, no! Ohh! Come on, snake eyes! Roll her again, roll her again.
Hey, you two.
Stop it.
Pick up your sister and help load her into the truck.
I'm just gonna say it.
I hate Halloween.
Well, you're about to hate it a lot more.
We're stuck taking Brick's social skills group trick-or-treating next week.
Hmm.
That doesn't sound like us.
How'd you get roped into that? I was picking Brick up and somebody said, "wouldn't it be great if they trick-or-treated together?" And then everyone was talking about which mom should go and then they all looked at me and said, "we know you work.
" Sounds to me like they were giving you an out.
No, they didn't say, "we know you work.
" They said, "we know you work And you're a bad mom and you don't care about your kids.
" Why do you do this to yourself? Oh, come on.
Like you've never been guilted into anything.
Nope, 'cause I don't care what other people think about me.
That's because you're dead inside.
And I don't care that you think that.
See how that works? Oh, hey, Sue.
How was your party? Not great, dad.
Not great.
Aw.
Sorry to hear that.
Well, see you in the morning.
Hey, dad? Can I ask you something? Okay.
What do boys want? Uh, you know, your mom is just down the hallway.
It's just, I went to this party, and I guess I thought everyone was gonna be in costume like me.
Aw, Sue, not again.
You got to check this stuff out before you go.
No, everybody was in a costume, just not like me.
How about Mr.
Metzger making us memorize the whole opening of "a tale of two cities"? Definitely the worst of times, am I right? Aw, I bet they thought you looked cute.
They used me as a table, dad.
I just felt like, I don't know, everybody got some memo or something that I didn't get.
I mean, since when do you have to wear a teeny catholic schoolgirl outfit with fishnets to have a conversation? You know, your mom really likes to chat at night.
Is that all boys like? Is that all you liked? She's not a deep sleeper.
You could just poke her.
She'll wake right up.
I just, I-I need some advice, dad.
What do you think? Well, you know, honey, uh, the thing is What I've found, uh, is Tomorrow's a new day.
No, no, no No, no, no Eh--no.
All right, I get it.
You're not feeling it.
So what do you want to be? I think I'd like to be a large leather-bound book with pages that really turn.
On the pages, I want illustrations and writing.
I'm leaning toward sanskrit.
You see any book costumes here? They're not exactly a hot seller this year.
Can't you just make me one? Ah.
Wrong family.
By the way, I was thinking I'd rather not go trick-or-treating with the social group.
I sort of prefer trick-or-treating by myself.
Yeah, well, Brick, that's kind of why you're in the group.
But all the kids there are just Kind of, I don't know, weird.
And I suppose you got in there by mistake? Hey, I am not the weirdest one.
But your teacher said you're in the top five.
Listen, when you get to seventh or eighth weirdest, then we can talk.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Watch it.
Uh, I said I'm sorry.
Stupid lady.
Hey! I said I was sorry! I said "I'm sorry" twice, and then he calls me "stupid lady.
" I mean, isn't it kind of a given in life that when you say, "I'm sorry," the other person says, "that's okay"? Right, how hard is that? "That's okay.
" Here, turn around.
I just want to show you what happened.
No, that's all right.
I-I believe you.
Okay, no, but-- you just pretend t-to be his cart Frankie-- and then I'll be my cart.
I'll just show you how I got it.
You don't have to show-- half of that, just like that.
Hey! Stupid lady.
Frankie, the guy was a jerk.
So what? Shake it off.
Who cares what some idiot thinks? I do.
You know what it is? I'm just too nice.
Yeah.
That's one theory.
(Man's voice moans diabolically) Oh, hey.
Did you talk to Sue about what we talked about last night? We talked last night? Yeah.
I woke you up.
We talked for, like, ten minutes.
I told you, you can't talk to me when I'm sleeping.
The seven hours between bedtime and breakfast, this world is dead to me.
Well, I guess the girls at the party were dressed Sort of sexy and somebody put a drink on her, so she was kind of down.
Oh, no.
What did you say? Did you tell her it's okay? Did you tell her she's beautiful? Did you tell her there's all these amazing boys out there who will like her for who she is? Basically.
I told her tomorrow's a new day.
"Tomorrow's a new day?" That's what you told her? What, it's not? Look, this is your department.
Obviously, you've been slacking off on the girl talk.
You really got to get on that.
Okay, that's fine, but you know, studies show that girls who are close with their fathers start having sex later in life.
Hey, Sue.
How's it going? Uh so listen, uh, here's the thing.
You had some questions the other night, and, uh, if you're still interested, maybe I can answer a few of 'em.
You know, if you have any.
If you don't, that's--that's fine.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I have a ton of them! Well, I don't know if we have time for a ton.
Okay.
What do boys want? Still stuck on that one, huh? Is a rockin' bod the most important thing? You know what that is, right, dad? 'Cause sometimes I think it is, but do you not get any points for being interesting? And I mean, obviously, having a rockin' bod and being interesting would be the best combo, but if you're not, are you just out of the game? And what's the scale? And how do you even find this stuff out? Oh, and do you think my smile's too teethy? Wow.
Uh Do you want me to say that again? No.
Um, look, Sue Some boys like Some things about some girls, but then there are other girls who have other things, and the thing is, what you want to do-- not now, but at some point in the future-- is find the person That likes the things that you have that are good.
Okay? And tomorrow's a new day.
It's just, at my school, people don't always, you know, know who I am, and I've always been pretty okay with that, but now I'm in high school and there's just all these boys and-- and the girls are different and the boys are different, and I am just not on anybody's radar and I don't know exactly why.
Is it something I'm doing? Is there something I should be doing? Uh, you know Maybe you could stop dressing like a third-grader.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, Sue, I didn't-- I didn't mean-- no, you're right.
I get what you're saying.
You do? Yeah! Yeah, you know, I-I've changed a lot on the inside.
Maybe my outsides haven't changed as much.
I gotta bring my inner Sue out, like when Beyonce became Sasha fierce.
Thanks, dad.
Okay, sure.
We can talk again, but it feels like we don't need to.
Is this a valid Halloween costume? I don't know.
What are you supposed to be? I'm the ghost of Ernest Hemingway.
Hemingway.
What's with the belt? The sheet's too long, and mom won't let me cut it 'cause it's the one we use when grandma comes.
Look, I'm just trying to get through the night.
You want some advice? Take it, little brickster.
This man is legendary-- agility, speed, candy-to-hand ratio Half the houses in the neighborhood would run out of candy 'cause of him.
Wait.
Hang on.
I'm getting an idea here.
What say we go trick-or-treating after all? We clean the neighborhood out of candy, then when they all run out and have a bunch of crying kids kicking their doors down, we show up and sell it all back to them.
We sell the suckers back their suckers.
That's genius.
So that's a "yes" on the Hemingway? 'Cause with a different belt this could also pass as salinger.
Hello? So Sue took Mike's advice to heart and decided to have her outsides match her insides.
"Teen Vogue" says hats are really in.
I found this is aunt Edie's closet.
Remember when I bought this at that garage sale? I didn't throw it out.
I didn't throw it out, and ponchos came back! Animal prints-- very hot for fall.
Rawr! Axl, is Sue, you know, fitting in at school? She's kind of getting a pass right now 'cause everyone thinks she's just one of those freaks who likes to dress up for the whole week of Halloween, but if she carries this into November, I won't be able to help her.
Sue.
Hold up a sec.
Check it out.
I turned a grocery bag into a purse.
Yeah, that's great.
Listen, um, here's 20 bucks.
After school today, maybe you could stop by the mall and buy yourself a smart outfit.
Ask the girl for help.
Wow.
Really? Thanks, dad! Ask the girl! Finally it was Halloween and Axl and his buddies were embracing the spirit of the holiday by setting out to scam their neighbors.
Remember, just grab and go, no chitchat.
Once we hit the whole neighborhood, we come back here, change into new costumes, and go right back at it.
Wait.
Instead of putting on new costumes, why don't we all just switch? Because then we'll just be three guys with the exact same costumes.
That won't be any different.
I'm not following.
Just give it a second.
We could be here all night.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Hey, dad.
So? What do you think? Uh I went to the mall, and I almost got this shirt that said, "I believe I can fly," that had a hippo with wings, but then the salesgirl said this is more what high school girls are wearing.
Do I look mature? Did you see what your daughter's wearing? Here's the other thing.
His cart was in my Lane.
I had the right of way.
You gotta see what your daughter's got on.
So you excited for the party tonight? Oh, yeah.
It's gonna be totally sick.
That's high school for "awesome.
" And check this out! I just got this.
Wow, nice.
Well, have fun.
It's fine.
You really think that's fine? She's wearing a t-shirt, Mike-- one that's actually in style.
What's wrong with it? Hold on.
Hey.
Since it's Halloween, I thought you might be wearing a costume.
I mean, uh, I liked that big dice thing.
Costume party was last week.
This is just boys and girls hanging out in Melissa Thurston's basement.
Oh.
Fun.
It's too tight, it's too grown-up, and she's going to a party in a basement.
I know what goes on at basement parties, Frankie.
I did some of my best work in basements.
Get back in there.
Really look this time.
Hey.
Wow, you guys must be really thirsty tonight.
Oh.
These aren't for drinking.
We're, uh, dissolving mildew off the bathtub.
Ohh.
Well? You don't have a problem with the shirt.
You have a problem with what's inside the shirt.
She's growing up, Mike.
I don't know what to tell you.
I do.
Let's stop it.
Look, I don't have an issue with the shirt, but if you do, you're the parent, too.
You have every right to tell her not to wear it, and I'll back you up 100%.
I don't want backup.
I want you to be the bad guy.
Ohh.
Honey.
I know, and maybe if you had agreed to go trick-or-treating with the social group, things would have been different.
Before you get mad, I cut my own sheets.
Ernest Hemingway liked boats anyway.
Now let's get this over with.
Come on, Brick.
It's not gonna be that bad.
It was gonna be that bad.
Okay, everybody, let's remember, when we get outside, we all have to stick together.
No wandering off.
This is very important.
Is everybody listening? Nobody was listening.
Nobody was ever listening.
That's why they were in this group.
How the hell was I gonna do this? Well, at a certain point, the social group became more of a social experiment-- how long could one woman stay chained to six nutty kids on Halloween before she completely lost her mind? Everybody thank the nice lady for letting us all use her bathroom.
Thank you! I have to go the bathroom.
Theo, you were just in there.
I didn't have too then.
This isn't red.
I only like red candy.
I can't eat candy that's not red.
I have to have red candy.
Zack keeps purring, Mrs.
Heck! Yeah, it's okay, Henry.
He can purr.
Just means he's happy.
Anybody got a piece of red candy they can trade with Scott? My socks got dirty.
We need to stop so I can put on my backup socks.
Still think I'm in the top five? Yep, it's no fun being a parent when you gotta tell your kid something they don't want to hear Sue, hold on.
I gotta talk to you.
Please, not now.
I looked up the best time to show up for a party on kickinitteenstyle.
com, and right now we're in the "casually cool" window, but if we wait too much longer, we'll be "party tardy," and I'll risk dissing my host.
We gotta go.
Especially when you don't get to tell them.
Trick or treat?! Thank you.
All right! Let's change costumes and hit woodland circle again.
Come on! Hey.
What's going on, little Gaga? Someone just stole our candy.
What? Who? Stay here.
Don't worry.
We'll get your candy back.
Let's do this.
Dad, you're driving so slow.
Slow or safe? Come back here! My shoes, Mrs.
Heck! Okay.
All right.
I can hear you.
Come on here.
All right, everybody just hold on for one second, all right? Ohh.
All right, give me a little rope here.
Yeah.
Hey, hey, stop tugging, Scott.
We're not moving anywhere.
Everybody could just stop moving, but no sitting.
Hey, ay.
Would you stop rubbing up against my leg, Zack? You're not a real cat.
Can I have French fries? Okay, Corey, for the last time-- nobody's giving out fries.
Those people were just eating dinner.
Excuse me.
We're trying to get by.
Oh, sorry.
Just give me a second.
Trying to get everybody up.
All right, guys, what did I say? No sitting! I have kids, too, and I'd never let 'em get away with that crap.
Did you hear that? Did you hear what she said? Yeah.
Why is she so mad? What's going on? What is wrong with people? And then it hit me.
These kids have to learn to be social and deal with people.
What kind of example would I be setting if I just let this-- I'm just gonna say it-- stupid lady get away with that comment? I had to do something.
You know what? That woman is not gonna ruin our Halloween.
We're going after her.
Come on.
Citizens of Orson, have no fear.
These stets are safe once again.
Here you go, little ones.
That'll be 10 bucks.
Dude.
What? I thought we were selling it back.
Wow.
Thank you so much.
Say "thank you," Kevin.
Thank you, superheroes! Hope we didn't mess up your trick-or-treating.
Oh, we're not trick-or-treating.
We're too old for that.
Now stay in school and eat your vegetables.
We're off.
Come on! Over the hedge! We're jumping! We're jumping! We're skipping houses! We'll get 'em on the way back! Around the tree! Around the tree! Let's work together! Come on! I see her! Hey.
Hey.
Yes? "You know, I said, 'm sorry," and when someone says, "I'm sorry," do you know what the correct response is? "That's okay.
" 'Cause we're all out here just trying our best, and when you say something nasty, that affects people.
That hurts people.
For your information, these kids all have social problems, all of 'em.
Like, this one won't eat anything that isn't red, and this one here meows.
My son whispers-- I talk too loud and interrupt! I got this, Henry.
The point is you don't know what some mom might be dealing with, 'cause not every kid is a perfect princess, which is an adorable costume.
See? I'm spreading goodness in the world, not rudeness and judgment, 'cause a world where people don't say "that's okay" after someone says "I'm sorry", is not a world that I want to live in.
I'm sorry? That's okay.
I guess the thing is, no matter what age we are, we can all use some social skills, 'cause like it or not, we're all tied together in this world.
Sometimes the things that tie us together are the things we're not quite ready to let go of.
Trade you a rolo for your skittles.
One rolo for 20 skittles? That's a total rip.
Is not.
Skittles are a billion times smaller.
I don't know.
Thanks, dad.
Dad, you gotta unlock the door.
Sue.
Have a good time.
But sometimes you gotta let 'em go anyway.
Oops.
I almost forgot my sweater.
You know what? Guys are gonna love that.
Sure, it's scary as hell, but as a wise man once said, tomorrow's a new day.