Queer as Folk s03e08 Episode Script

ÿþ1 ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX.
SHAKE IT, DUDE.
Various: HEY, I GOT A NICE TIGHT ASS, DADDY, YOU WANT A NICE TIGHT ASS? YOU WANT TO FUCK ME? HEY, YOU CAN DO MY FRIEND AND ME FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.
C'MON, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU LIKE YOUNG DICK? YOU CAN SUCK ME FOR 50 BUCKS.
I'LL DO WHAT- EVER YOU WANT.
Man: THAT'S ALL I GOT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
Various: FUCK YOU! NO DISEASE! SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[ Laughter .]
YEAH, YOU LOOK GOOD.
ARE YOU WORTH IT? YEAH, YOU WANT IT.
YOU KNOW YOU DO.
YOU COME ON OVER, YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
DO YOU WANT TO FUCK A NICE HOT ASS, MAN? I'M REALLY TIGHT.
DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.
.
.
[ Groaning .]
.
.
.
TAKE YOUR MONEY.
YOU DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT.
.
.
ARE YOU ASLEEP? ARE YOU KIDDING? I FEEL LIKE OUR BED'S ON THE STREET.
HUH.
OR THE STREET'S IN BED WITH US.
Man: YOU LIKE YOUR MEAT FRESH? THAT DOES IT.
NO, MICHAEL, MICHAEL.
MICHAEL, HEY.
HEY, SAVE YOUR SHOES.
ALL RIGHT, THAT ONLY WORKS ON CARTOON CATS.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST? [ Sigh .]
Various: WORTH EVERY PENNY.
HERE ALL NIGHT.
Ben: HEY, MAN.
.
.
WHOO! YOU WANT A LITTLE MORE EXPERIENCE.
.
.
GUYS.
YEAH, COME ON, MAN.
GUYS.
GUYS! UH, YOU MIND? PEOPLE ARE, UH.
.
.
ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE.
UH, YEAH? DO.
.
.
DO YOU MIND? WE'RE TRYING TO WORK HERE.
Boy: YOU CAN SUCK IT FOR A BILL.
Ben: LOOK, UH, I'M.
.
.
I'M NOT.
.
.
I'M NOT TRYING TO CAUSE ANY TROUBLE, OKAY? I'M JUST TRYING TO JUST ASK YOU NICELY TO PLEASE FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO DO YOUR BUSINESS.
Man: HEY, I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SLEEP? [ Laughing .]
FINE.
FINE.
WE'LL.
.
.
SEE WHAT THE COPS HAVE TO SAY.
Various: OH-H, COPS! OH! MOTHERFUCKER! YOU JUST COST ME 100 BUCKS.
YEAH, LIKE SOMEONE WOULD PAY A BILL FOR THAT PIECE OF CHICKEN.
ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO ME.
HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW OLD DO YOU WANT ME TO BE? YOU CAN'T BE MORE THAN 16.
YOU LIKE YOUNG DICK? YOU COULD SUCK IT FOR A BILL.
FOR TWO YOU CAN FUCK ME.
WITHOUT A CONDOM.
Various: I'M YOUNG AND I'M HOT.
C'MERE, BUDDY, DON'T.
.
.
DON'T DRIVE AWAY.
NO, NO.
THANKS.
IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.
j& SOFT FOCUS FOR FULL APPEAL j& j& PICTURE IS FLAWLESS j& j& NO CONTEXT FOR SELF-ESTEEM j& j& BUT BE PUSHED TO GIVE YOU LOVE ON THAT j& j& AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE j& j& TOO MUCH PERFECTION j& j& PURE SUBSTANCE FOR WANNABES j& HEY.
j& KEEPS YOU BEATING TO A.
.
.
j& WANT SOME PEACH YOGURT? NO, THANKS.
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S A LOT HEALTHIER THAN ALL THOSE CIGA- RETTES YOU'RE CONSUMING.
YOU.
.
.
YOU'VE BEEN DEPRESSED FOR PRACTICALLY THE ENTIRE FIRST MONTH'S RENT.
I'M SORRY, I'M A LOUSY ROOMMATE.
I'LL MOVE OUT IF YOU WANT ME TO.
DID I SAY THAT? LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU TO CHEER UP.
I CAN'T HELP IT.
I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.
YEAH.
LAST NIGHT, I DREAMT ABOUT HIM AGAIN.
HE SOMEHOW LEARNED HOW TO LEVITATE AND WE WERE FUCKING, MID-AIR.
I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS.
PROBABLY THAT I SHOULD SEE A SHRINK.
IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT THESE THINGS TAKE TIME, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT TO SOMEHOW GET OVER HIM.
MOVE ON.
TELL YOURSELF ETHAN'S HISTORY.
WHO'S TALKING ABOUT ETHAN? I'M TALKING ABOUT BRIAN.
BRIAN? BUT I.
.
.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER HIM.
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.
I THOUGHT I WAS TOO.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU MADE THE BIGGEST FUCKING MISTAKE OF YOUR PATHETIC, STUPID LIFE? BURY IT IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS AND.
.
.
FORGET ABOUT IT? OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S NOT WORKING.
WELL, THEN DEAL WITH IT.
TELL HIM YOU STILL LOVE HIM.
YEAH, RIGHT.
HE'D FUCKING LAUGH IN MY FACE.
WRITE HIM A LETTER.
HE'D TEAR IT UP.
I DON'T KNOW, ATTEMPT SUICIDE? HE'D LET ME DIE.
OKAY, DO YOU REMEM- BER WHAT I DID WHEN I WAS MADLY, PASSIONATELY IN LOVE WITH BILLY HAUSER? MADE AN IDIOT OF YOURSELF.
NO! NO! I SIGNED UP FOR EVERY CLASS HE WAS IN.
I WENT TO.
.
.
I WENT TO SWIM PRACTICE.
I GOT INVITED TO EVERY SINGLE PARTY I KNEW HE'D BE AT.
WHEREVER HE WENT, THERE I WAS.
HE COULDN'T AVOID ME.
WHOA, LOOK AT YOU.
WHAT? I PUT ON THE WRONG THING, DIDN'T I? I SHOULD'VE WORN THE BUR- GUNDY, SHOULDN'T I HAVE? I'M GOING TO PUT ON THE BURGUNDY.
WHOA, WHOA, YOU LOOK GREAT.
I'D BUY A PAINTING FROM YOU ANY DAY.
DID GUS EAT? YEAH, ALL DONE.
WHAT'D YOU GIVE HIM? A SPANISH OMELETTE WITH, UH, LOTS OF PEPPERS AND ONIONS.
YOU DIDN'T! OF COURSE I DIDN'T.
MOMMY MADE YOU YOUR FAVORITE, HUH? OATMEAL AND RAISINS.
Gus: [ Babbling .]
HE LOOKS A LITTLE FLUSHED.
DOES HE LOOK FLUSHED TO YOU? NO, HE DOES NOT LOOK FLUSHED.
NOW, YOU BETTER GET A MOVE ON.
I'M GOING TO DROP HIM OFF AT DAYCARE ON THE WAY TO MY OFFICE.
BYE, BABY.
MMM.
.
.
OH-H-H.
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, PUMPKIN.
MAMA.
I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU ALL DAY, LAMBSKIN.
THIS IS THE GREATEST GOODBYE SINCE RHETT AND SCARLETT.
OH, I CAN'T HELP IT.
I'VE BEEN WITH HIM PRACTICALLY EVERY MOMENT SINCE HE'S BEEN BORN.
WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LET HIM GO WHEN HE TURNS 18 ANYWAY, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL START GETTING USED TO IT.
I MEAN, COME ON.
YOU WANTED THIS JOB.
I KNOW! I'M JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.
YOU'RE INTELLIGENT.
YOU'RE ACCOMPLISHED.
YOU CAN HANDLE ANYTHING AND ANYBODY.
NOW, YOU GO OUT IN THAT WORLD AND YOU TAKE A GREAT BIG BITE OUT OF IT.
THANKS.
[ Beeping of car horn .]
OOH! OH! OKAY.
MMM.
BYE! Gus: MAMA? Melanie: SAY BYE-BYE.
[ Moaning .]
GO, HERE WE GO.
OH, COME ON.
DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN.
GOOD.
OKAY, COME ON.
COME ON, BABY, AND YEAH, YOU GOT IT.
OH-H.
GOOD, OH-H-H.
THAT'S NICE.
NICE.
OKAY, ONE MORE.
COME ON, BABY.
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD, BABY.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
AH, PERFECT! AH-H-H! [ Grunting .]
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
[ Panting .]
OH, IF THAT'S WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN YOU COME, I'M AMAZED YOU HAVEN'T BEEN EVICTED.
IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE ANYWAY.
YUP, YOUR FRIEND STOCKWELL CHASED ALL THE HUSTLERS OFF LIBERTY AVENUE AND NOW THEY'RE RIGHT UNDER OUR BEDROOM WINDOW.
SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT CITY LIVING, NOW YOU CAN'T BEAT IT FOR THE CONVENIENCE.
SOME OF THEM LOOK 14.
TOO YOUNG EVEN FOR YOU.
[ Cackling .]
Ben: I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS ONE KID.
HE SAID FOR 200 BUCKS THAT I COULD FUCK HIM WITHOUT A CONDOM.
Brian: YOU SHOULD HAVE.
AT LEAST HE'D HAVE ENOUGH FOR HIS PROTEASE INHIBITORS.
WAIT, LOOK WHO'S HERE! TED! CHRIST! DOES HE HAVE TO ANNOUNCE IT? IT'S TED! WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN WEEKS! COULDN'T WAIT TO GET HERE.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT TOOK.
RRR.
H-H-HEY! I REALLY HAVE TO HAND IT TO YOU, THEODORE.
YOU KNOW, MOST GUYS WHO JUST LOST EVERYTHING AND BEEN HUMILIATED IN ALL THE MAJOR MEDIA WOULD HAVE TOO MUCH SELF-RESPECT THAN TO SHOW THEIR FACE IN PUBLIC.
.
.
BUT NOT YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SAY THANK YOU OR FUCK YOU.
PEOPLE FORGET ABOUT THESE THINGS.
BY NOW THEY'RE ON TO THE NEXT HEADLINE.
YEAH, "FORMER PORN KING HOMELESS.
" Ben: NO, YOU WILL BE BACK ON YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
Ted: BETTER BE.
MY MORTGAGE ISN'T GOING TO PAY FOR ITSELF.
IT WON'T HAVE TO.
I HAVE DECIDED TO GET A SECOND JOB.
NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO, I-I GOT MYSELF INTO THIS MESS, I'LL GET MYSELF OUT.
Emmett: THAT IS VERY NOBLE, BUT WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.
NO.
.
.
NOW I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.
THAT MAKES TWO OF US.
HEY, COME ON, LET'S, UH.
.
.
LET'S GET CHANGED, AND HIT THE STAIRMASTER.
AND WORK UP A SWEAT.
YEAH! RELEASE THOSE ENDORPHINS, BURN OFF SOME LACTIC ACID.
YEAH, YEAH.
COME ON, COME ON! YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
EXERCISE IS PROBABLY JUST WHAT I NEED.
[ Popping of joints .]
OH-H.
TEDDY.
.
.
TEDDY, WHAT IS IT? MMM.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? MM-MMM.
I.
.
.
IS IT.
.
.
TED? [ Moaning .]
DID YOU DO YOUR.
.
.
EHN.
IS IT THE THING.
.
.
WHERE THE.
.
.
NO.
UH.
Lindsay: CONSTANCE DALYEAU WAS A PROSTITUTE TOULOUSE LAUTREC DISCOVERED AT ONE OF THE BROTHELS HE FREQUENTED.
THE LEGEND GOES THAT WHEN HE WENT TO HER ROOM, SHE WAS NAKED AND PAINTING.
INSTEAD OF MAKING <i>L'AMOUR,</i> HE INSISTED THAT SHE FINISH HER CANVAS.
HE THEN INTRODUCED HER WORK INTO THE SALONS OF PARIS, MUCH TO THE HORROR OF THE CRITICS.
HMM.
OH, SHE'S RELATIVELY UNKNOWN TODAY.
.
.
BUT IF SHE HAD BEEN A MAN, YOU CAN BE SURE SHE'D BE AS RENOWNED AS DEGAS OR MANET.
WHAT A REMARK- ABLE STORY.
MM-HMM.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS? I USED TO TEACH ART HISTORY.
.
.
AND I'M ALSO A PAINTER MYSELF.
AH, WELL, YOU'VE SOLD ME.
WONDERFUL.
WELL, WE'LL WRITE UP THE ORDER AND HAVE IT DELIVERED TO YOU JUST AS SOON AS THE SHOW IS OVER.
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.
THE PLEASURE IS ENTIRELY MINE.
Man: OH, ALFRED! HELLO, SIDNEY.
THANKS TO THIS CHARMING YOUNG WOMAN, I NOW OWN A DALYEAU.
A SPLENDID CHOICE.
HMM.
WHAT A NICE MAN.
HE'S BEEN COMING TO THE GALLERY FOR OVER 10 YEARS.
NEVER BOUGHT A THING.
HOW'D YOU DO IT? OH, IT WAS EASY.
I LOVE ART AND I LOVE PEOPLE.
HMM.
DO YOU ALSO LOVE PARTIES? OH, I ADORE PARTIES.
GOOD.
THEN YOU CAN DEAL WITH FLORINDA ZECKENDORFF, FORMERLY HITLER'S MISTRESS, CURRENTLY PLANNING OUR OPENING.
SHE'LL BE STORMING IN HERE TOMORROW TO DISCUSS THE FINAL DETAILS.
SOUNDS LIKE A HANDFUL.
OH, SHE REMINDS ME OF MY EX-WIFE.
I BREAK OUT IN HIVES IF I STAND WITHIN TWO FEET OF HER.
PERHAPS I NEED A BIT MORE EXPERIENCE IN ORDER TO, UH, TAKE ON SUCH A FORMIDABLE TASK.
I'M SURE IF ANYONE CAN WITHSTAND THE ASSAULT OF A PANZER DIVISION SINGLE HANDED, IT'S YOU.
ENJOY.
NICE WORK ON THE STOCKWELL CAMPAIGN, BARB.
OH, THANK YOU, MR.
KINNEY.
BUT, UH, LIGHTEN UP ON THE AIRBRUSH.
YOU'RE MAKING HIM LOOK YOUNGER THAN ME.
OKAY.
MURPH? WHERE THE FUCK'S THE LAYOUT FOR MIGHTY MINTS? OH, I KNOW I PROMISED THAT TO YOU THIS MORNING.
ANY WAY I CAN HELP SPEED THINGS UP? SALARY CUT? PINK SLIP? HUH.
YOU'LL HAVE IT BY NOON.
AND STARTING TODAY THINGS SHOULD GO A LITTLE FASTER.
WE'RE HIRING A NEW STUDENT INTERN TO HELP WITH THE BUSY WORK.
OH, BRIAN, THIS IS JUSTIN TAYLOR, OUR NEW INTERN.
JUSTIN, THIS IS MR.
KINNEY, ONE OF THE PARTNERS IN THE AGENCY.
NICE TO MEET YOU, MR.
KINNEY.
Justin: I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU.
Brian: WHEN? AFTER I GOT THE JOB.
OH, YOU DON'T HAVE THE JOB UNTIL I SIGN OFF, AND I DON'T SIGN OFF UNTIL I ASK THE POTENTIAL CANDIDATE A FEW QUESTIONS, SUCH AS, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" AS PART OF OUR DEGREE CANDIDACY, WE'RE REQUIRED TO GET THREE CREDITS OF PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE IN OUR CHOSEN FIELD.
SO I WROTE A LETTER TO THE HEAD OF YOUR ART DEPARTMENT SAYING I WANTED TO INTERN, SUBMITTED MY TRAN- SCRIPT, SAMPLES OF MY WORK, AND HERE I AM.
HERE YOU AREN'T.
THERE'RE OTHER AGENCIES WHERE I DON'T WORK.
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
VANGARD'S THE BEST.
WORKING HERE WILL LOOK GREAT ON MY RESUME.
I'LL MAKE IMPOR- TANT CONTACTS.
I'LL LEARN THINGS THAT I WOULDN'T LEARN IN THE CLASSROOM.
LEARN THEM SOME- PLACE ELSE.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I WAS ACCEPTED BASED SOLELY ON MY MERIT.
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PLEASED.
HUH-HUH, TO SEE YOUR FACE EVERY DAY? I HAD NO IDEA THAT OUR FORMER RELATIONSHIP WAS STILL A PROBLEM FOR YOU.
WHO SAID IT WAS A PROBLEM? AND WHO SAID THAT WE WERE EVER IN A RELATIONSHIP? WELL, THEN I CAN SEE NO REASON THAT YOU WOULD OBJECT TO MY COMPLETING MY EDUCATION.
.
.
THAT YOU'RE PAYING FOR.
WELL, JUST.
.
.
DON'T EXPECT ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT.
I NEVER HAVE.
HERE, HONEY.
YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN AND EAT LIKE A CIVILIZED HUMAN BEING? UH-UH.
I GOT TO GO TO THE FRAMERS, THEN TO THE PRINTERS, THEN TO THE BANK.
OH-H.
THIS JOB MAKES TAKING CARE OF GUS LOOK LIKE CHILD'S PLAY.
Debbie: [ Laughing .]
THAT'S IT, ONE STEP AT A TIME.
[ Groan of pain .]
JESUS CHRIST, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? HE INJURED HIS BACK AT THE GYM.
[ Groaning .]
OOH, THAT COULD BE SERIOUS.
A FRIEND OF MINE SLIPPED A DISC AND HAS BEEN IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN EVER SINCE.
WONDERFUL! OKAY, LET'S SIT DOWN.
THAT'S IT, SLOOOWLY.
[ Moaning .]
DOES IT HURT, HONEY? THERE YOU ARE.
NOW, LET'S, UH.
.
.
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE LUNCH, STARTING WITH A VICACET APPETIZER.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN DRUGS.
I'LL TAKE MY PAIN STRAIGHT UP.
SHAME YOU CAN'T STAND THAT WAY.
WOULD YOU BRING ME A SCOOP OF BUTTER PECAN, DEBBIE? WHENEVER WE WANTED, UH, OUR DOG, FETCH, TO TAKE A PILL WE'D ALWAYS HIDE IT IN THE ICE CREAM.
GOT IT.
DO YOU REALLY THINK I COULDN'T HEAR WHAT YOU JUST SAID? FETCH HEARD EVERY- THING WE SAID TOO, BUT HE COULDN'T RESIST THE BUTTER PECAN.
I HAVE TO RUN, YOU GUYS.
THERE'S A NEW SHOW AT THE GALLERY.
MR.
BLOOM PUT ME IN CHARGE.
I EVEN HAVE TO MEET WITH THIS PARTY PLANNER TOMORROW.
PARTY? DID SOMEONE SAY PARTY? HA-HA-HA.
LINZ, UM.
.
.
YOU KNOW I WOULD, UM.
.
.
NEVER ASK A FRIEND FOR A FAVOUR.
IT'S.
.
.
IT'S.
.
.
IT'S.
.
.
IT'S MANIPULATIVE, IT'S UNFAIR, IT'S DOWNRIGHT BAD MANNERS.
HOWEVER.
.
.
UM, DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT NEED A WAITER? VALET? HAT CHECK GIRL? WELL, I.
.
.
IT.
.
.
IT'S JUST, UM, EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED, WE COULD REALLY USE THE CASH.
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
THANKS.
BYE.
BYE.
OOH, UH, WOULD YOU, UH.
.
.
WOULD YOU HAND ME A MENU, SWEETIE? [ Groaning .]
ALL RIGHT, TO HELL WITH THE BUTTER PECAN, JUST GIVE ME THE PILLS.
j& EACH NIGHT YOU HELD ME IN YOUR ARMS j& j& STILL YOU NEVER DID KEEP ME WARM j& j& CONVERSATION WAS A WASTE OF TIME j& j& YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED WHAT WAS ON MY MIND j& j& IT'S FUNNY HOW I CAN'T RECALL YOUR TOUCH j& j& SPENDING TIME ALONE WITH YOU.
.
.
j& VODKA TONIC.
Bartender: COMING RIGHT UP.
BRIAN.
THE UBIQUITOUS JUSTIN TAYLOR.
FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.
FANCY THAT.
WHERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND? I DON'T DO BOYFRIENDS.
SINCE WHEN? SINCE WE BROKE UP.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LOVE THAT WAS GOING TO LAST FOR AN ETERNITY? ETERNITIES AREN'T AS LONG AS THEY USED TO BE.
BUY YOU A DRINK? MMM.
.
.
OH, I LOVE THIS SONG.
DO YOU LIKE THIS SONG? IT FILLS THE VOID.
I HAVEN'T DANCED IN FOREVER.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
NO RUSH.
I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.
DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE AT WORK IN THE MORNING? SO DO YOU.
YEAH, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, I DON'T HAVE TO IMPRESS MY BOSS SO HE DOESN'T FIRE MY ASS.
THANKS FOR THE DRINK.
WE HAVE THIS NEW VILLAIN, ICE TINA.
SHE'S THIS EVIL DRAG QUEEN WHO FREEZES RAGE WITH THIS DIRTY LOOK AND JUST WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE RAGE IS GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS DAYS AS A FROZEN TV DINNER, J.
T.
DEFROSTS HIM WITH THE WORLD'S HOTTEST BLOW JOB.
BEN? BEN! OH! I'M SORRY.
WERE YOU SAYING SOMETHING? WELL, NO WONDER YOU WEREN'T ANSWERING ME.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST PREOCCUPIED.
NO, NO.
FORGOT TO TAKE THESE EARPLUGS OUT OF MY EARS WHEN WE WOKE UP.
AHH.
REALLY CUTS DOWN THAT STREET NOISE.
YEAH, AND PESKY BOYFRIENDS WHO WON'T SHUT UP.
OH-H.
OKAY.
YOU CAN REPEAT IT TO ME ON THE WAY TO THE BUS STOP.
I PROMISE TO GIVE YOU MY UNDIVIDED AT.
.
.
.
.
.
TENTION.
CHRIST.
IS.
.
.
IS HE DEAD? NO, NO.
HE'S SLEEPING.
WAKE HIM UP, TELL HIM TO MOVE.
HELLO? HELLO? HEY.
HUH! WHAT? WHOA! OH JEEZ.
YOU'RE THAT KID.
.
.
THAT KID FROM THE OTHER NIGHT, THE ONE WITH THE "CONDOMS OPTIONAL" POLICY.
OFFER STILL STANDS.
I ALSO GIVE TWO- FOR-ONE DISCOUNTS.
WHAT ARE YOU, THE Q-MART? WE'RE NOT INTERESTED.
AND I DON'T WANT YOU SLEEPING IN FRONT OF MY DOOR, SO GET LOST.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AROUND HERE AGAIN, YOU UNDERSTAND? YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
FUCK YOU TOO.
HEY, KID.
.
.
YEAH, "DON'T COME BACK," I GOT IT.
NO, I WAS GOING TO ASK, UM.
.
.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ATE? Debbie: BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU EATEN, HUH? MYSELF, I LOVE TO COOK.
IT'S THE ITALIAN IN ME.
Ben: HUH.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOM? SHE LIKE TO COOK? BET SHE MISSES YOU.
ME, I GO A DAY WITHOUT SEEING MY MICHAEL, I'M A WRECK.
RIGHT, BABY? MOM, DON'T.
HE RAN AWAY ONCE WHEN HE WAS 10.
I WAS WORRIED OUT OF MY MIND.
IT'S A ROTTEN THING TO DO TO YOUR MOTHER.
YOU EMBARRASSED THE SHIT OUT OF ME BY SHOWING UP AT THE LITTLE LEAGUE IN THAT COACH'S UNIFORM YOU BOUGHT AT THE GOODWILL.
Debbie: I FELT BAD.
HE WAS THE ONLY KID ON HIS TEAM WITHOUT A FATHER.
SOME KIDS HAVE ALL THE LUCK.
Ben: SOUNDS LIKE YOU AND YOUR DAD AREN'T TOO CLOSE.
HE'S DEAD.
WHERE'S YOUR MOM? IN JAIL, FOR KILLING HIM.
WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMEPLACE YOU COULD GO, A NICE FOSTER FAMILY.
YEAH, IT'S BETTER THAN THE STREETS.
YEAH? AT LEAST MY CLIENTS PAY TO FUCK ME.
Michael: HEY.
HEY, WATCH THE LANGUAGE.
THAT'S MY MOM YOU'RE TALKING TO.
Ben: OKAY, WHAT ABOUT.
.
.
THE GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER YOUTH SHELTER? YEAH, THEY EVEN GOT A BACK-TO-SCHOOL PROGRAMME.
THAT'S RIGHT.
RIGHT ON.
I'LL BE SURE TO CHECK THAT OUT.
HEY, BRIAN.
IT'S MR.
KINNEY.
WHERE IS EVERYONE? THEY'RE OUT TO LUNCH.
HMM.
WELL, THAT'S GOOD THAT SOME PEOPLE CAN AFFORD THE LUXURY TO EAT WHEN EYE-CONIC OPTICS WILL BE HERE IN TWO HOURS AND THESE BOARDS ARE FOR SHIT.
CAN I HELP? CAN YOU HELP? UM, YEAH, YOU CAN TELL THEM I WANT ONE CELL PER BOARD, BLACK FOAM CORE, AND, UH.
.
.
CENTURY FONT IN 16.
.
.
NO, MAKE THAT 20.
WANT TO WRITE THAT DOWN? ONE CELL PER BOARD, 20-BY-30, BLACK FOAM CORE, CENTURY FONT IN 16.
.
.
NO, MAKE THAT 20.
SO HOW'S IT GOING, TAYLOR? GOOD.
EVERYONE'S INCREDIBLY NICE, AND I'VE ALREADY LEARNED MORE THAN I WOULD IN AN ENTIRE SEMESTER OF SCHOOL.
THAT'S GREAT.
WHICH SAYS A LOT ABOUT YOU, ACTUALLY.
ABOUT ME? YEAH, THEY SAY THE TONE OF THE WORKPLACE IS ESTABLISHED FROM THE TOP.
SO IT'S A GREAT COMPLIMENT TO YOU THAT YOU HAVE SUCH A DEDICATED AND HARDWORKING STAFF.
WELL, MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE HARD ON YOU.
NOW, GET BACK TO WORK.
YES, MR.
KINNEY.
Woman: NOW, WE'LL HAVE THE BAR THERE, THE BUFFET THERE, AND THE DESSERT TABLE THERE.
EXCUSE ME.
YES, DEAR? WELL, WOULDN'T IT BE NICER TO HAVE WAITERS CIRCULATING AMONG THE GUESTS WITH TRAYS OF FOOD? THAT WAY EVERYONE CAN ENJOY THE SHOW.
IT'S JUST EASIER TO JUST LET THEM SERVE THEMSELVES.
BESIDES, SIDNEY APPRECIATES KEEPING THE COST DOWN.
NOW, FOR THE MENU, WE'LL HAVE THE USUAL, MINI-QUICHES, FINGER SANDWICHES.
MINI-QUICHES? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG, DEAR? WELL, I WAS HOPING FOR SOMETHING A BIT MORE.
.
.
IMAGINATIVE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT NICE GIRL WHO USED TO WORK HERE? OH, THAT GIRL WAS 65.
SHE RETIRED.
WELL, I'VE NEVER HAD ANY COM- PLAINTS BEFORE.
PERHAPS I'D BETTER GO OVER THESE DETAILS WITH SIDNEY.
MR.
BLOOM PLACED ME IN CHARGE.
WELL, THEN PERMIT ME TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE BEEN DOING THESE EVENTS FOR OVER 15 YEARS.
MAYBE IT'S TIME TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
OH, AND WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST? SOMETHING SPECIAL, UNIQUE, THAT REFLECTS THE THEME OF THE EVENING.
OH, I DON'T KNOW, FOR INSTANCE, COOKIES WITH.
.
.
MINI-IMPRESSION- IST PAINTINGS.
IMPRESSIONIST COOKIES.
OOH! I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL SIDNEY, AND WHILE I'M AT IT, I'LL TELL HIM THAT HIS OFFICE GIRL SHOULD BE ANSWERING PHONES AND TAKING MESSAGES.
NOT INTERFERING WITH THE WORK OF HIGHLY RESPECTED PROFESSIONALS.
OH, YOU NEEDN'T BOTHER TELLING HIM ANYTHING, MS.
ZECKENDORFF BECAUSE.
.
.
YOU'RE FIRED.
OH, YOU CAN'T FIRE ME.
I'VE KNOWN SIDNEY FOR YEARS.
HIS EX-WIFE AND I ARE LIKE THIS.
YES, HE TOLD ME.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, DEAR, I HAVE TO GO HANG A MONET.
Vance: TO INTRODUCE EYE-CONIC OPTICS' NEW LINE OF.
.
.
EYE CANDY, WE DECIDED TO GIVE THE BUYER SOMETHING TO REALLY LOOK AT.
Brian: A DELIGHT TO THE EYES.
A FEAST FOR THE SENSES.
.
.
AN EYE- POPPING ARRAY OF COLOURS AND IMAGES TO DELIVER THE MESSAGE THAT WHEN YOU WEAR EYE-CONIC OPTICS' EYE CANDY, YOU SEE THINGS YOU DON'T WITHOUT THEM.
UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO BE A VOYEUR.
WOULD YOU BUY A PAIR OF THESE SUNGLASSES IF YOU SAW THIS AD? OH, SURE.
HMM.
I DON'T LIKE THE LETTERING.
THE FONT CAN ALWAYS BE CHANGED.
UH, IT'S NOT THE FONT, IT'S THE COLOUR.
OUR ART DEPARTMENT RESEARCHED IT.
IT'S WHAT THE FOCUS GROUPS MOST RESPONDED TO.
WELL, THEY MAY BE RESPONDING TO IT TODAY, BUT WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW? IN SIX MONTHS? YOU'LL BE AHEAD OF THE WAVE, NOT RIDING IT.
IT'S ORANGE.
WHAT WAS THAT? NOTHING.
NO, NO, NO.
YOU SAID ORANGE.
EVERYONE AT ART SCHOOL SAYS ORANGE IS THE NEW BLUE.
IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF COOL TONES.
IT'S SOMETHING HOT.
HMM.
I WANT ORANGE.
THEN ORANGE IT'LL BE.
RIGHT, BRIAN? YOU GUYS HAD BETTER BE CAREFUL OR THIS KID'LL HAVE YOUR JOB.
YOU REALLY DON'T MIND WATCHING "SPIDER-MAN" AGAIN? NO, NO, NO.
NOT AT ALL.
WE'VE ONLY WATCHED IT NINE TIMES.
Various: YOU PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKER! TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY TRICK.
Ben: HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! BEN, DON'T.
IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.
I'LL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY TRICK! HEY, YOU PUNKS WANT TO FIGHT? [ Mixed yelling .]
PLEASE, BE CAREFUL! YOU FIGHT ME, OTHERWISE GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! Boy: WE'LL BE BACK, BASTARDS! [ Jeering .]
[ Panting/ groaning .]
WHO DIED AND MADE YOU SUPERMAN? [ Coughing .]
Lindsay: SHE WAS SO CONDESCENDING.
"YES, DEAR.
WHAT, DEAR?" IF SHE CALLED ME "DEAR" ONE MORE TIME, I'D HAVE CLOCKED HER.
[ Chuckle .]
AS YOUR WIFE AND YOUR ATTORNEY, I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T.
SO INSTEAD, I FIRED HER.
NO.
YUP, I FIRED SOMEONE.
ME! OH, SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD EVERY REASON TO NAIL THE BITCH.
WHAT'D YOUR BOSS SAY? OH, HE OFFERED TO GIVE ME A RAISE.
SAID HE'S WANTED TO CAN HER FOR YEARS, BUT JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE NERVE.
OH, THERE YOU GO! EXCEPT THERE'S STILL A PARTY TO GIVE IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS, AND NO PARTY PLANNER TO GIVE IT.
I'VE TRIED EVERYONE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M GOING TO DO.
[ Sigh .]
[ Mumbling .]
THERE'S THESE TWO WOMEN I KNOW, PLANNED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WEDDING, BUT EVERYTHING WENT WRONG, AND THEY WERE EVEN GOING TO CANCEL IT.
BUT THEN ALL THEIR FRIENDS.
.
.
POOLED THEIR TIME AND TALENTS.
.
.
AND THEY CAME UP.
.
.
WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CELEBRATION THAT YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE.
.
.
IN LESS THAN A DAY.
IS ANY OF THIS RINGING A BELL? TED? [ CD j&j&j& .]
TEDDY? Ted: DOWN HERE.
OH-HO, YOU ALL RIGHT? YEAH, AS LONG AS I SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE ON MY BACK.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE.
[ Chuckling .]
DID YOU TAKE YOUR PAIN PILLS? YES, MOTHER.
NOT WITH THAT, I HOPE.
YOU KNOW WHAT COMES FROM TOO MUCH PILLS AND LIQUOR.
AH-H.
WELL.
.
.
AT LEAST I'M OUT OF PAIN.
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
OH, THERE MAY BE MORE.
I'M WAITING TO HEAR FROM FIELD AND STEEN.
ABOUT THE.
.
.
NEW FISHING ROD YOU ORDERED? WELL, THAT'S "FIELD AND STREAM".
THIS IS AN ACCOUNTING FIRM.
I HEARD THEY HAD AN OPENING, SO I CALLED ALAN FIELD, HE'S AN OLD FRIEND, AND HIS ASSISTANT SAID HE'D RETURN.
HO-HO! [ Ringing of telephone .]
AH.
.
.
WELL, LOOK AT THAT, LIKE I TOLD YOU.
MAYBE THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
UH, AT LEAST I AM.
THEODORE SCHMIDT RESIDENCE.
EMMETT, IT'S LINZ.
OH, HI.
HOW'S TEDDY? DOING LOTS BETTER.
Lindsay: That's good.
LISTEN, YOU REMEMBER THAT PARTY I TOLD YOU ABOUT? AT THE, UH, ART GALLERY.
OH, HONEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT YOU ON THE SPOT.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER.
REALLY? I'M GOING TO WORK LINZ'S PARTY.
OH-H.
SO DO YOU WANT ME TO, UM, POUR THE CAB OR PARK THE CARS? OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD! OH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! OKAY! [ Chuckling .]
THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT OF GRATITUDE JUST TO SAY "SHRIMPBALL"? ACTUALLY, I WON'T BE WAITING AT THE EVENT.
.
.
I'LL BE GIVING IT.
OH-H.
"ORANGE IS THE NEW BLUE"? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? SHE ASKED ME.
WELL, WHO TOLD YOU TO ANSWER? I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
AH, BY UNDERCUTTING ME IN FRONT OF THE CLIENT? YOUR JOB WAS TO PUT UP THE BOARDS, WHICH YOU COULD BARELY DO, AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
I'M SORRY.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT WON'T.
YOU'RE THROUGH.
ARE YOU FIRING ME? YOU WANTED ON-THE-JOB EXPERIENCE, RIGHT? LESSON ONE: YOU FUCK UP, YOU'RE GONE.
BUT YOU GOT THE ACCOUNT.
AND SHE GOT MY BALLS, THANKS TO YOU.
BRIAN.
.
.
MR.
KINNEY? I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE.
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE FIRST ONE.
NOW PACK UP YOUR SHIT AND GO HOME.
I GUESS I.
.
.
SHOULD'VE EXPECTED THIS.
AFTER ALL, YOU NEVER WANTED ME HERE TO BEGIN WITH, DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO SEE MY FACE EVERY DAY WHEN YOU CAME IN TO WORK.
ALTHOUGH I GUESS A PART OF ME WAS KIND OF HOPING THAT EVENTUALLY YOU WOULDN'T MIND IT.
MAYBE YOU'D EVEN GET USED TO IT.
[ Chuckling .]
YEAH.
I GUESS I WAS WRONG, TO THINK THAT.
.
.
MMM.
UH, FUCK IT.
NEVER MIND.
WHAT? THAT WHEN YOUR LITTLE ROMANCE WITH PAGANINI JUNIOR WAS OVER, YOU COULD COME RUNNING BACK? YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SORRY.
I KNOW.
IT'S STUPID.
ALMOST AS STUPID AS FALLING FOR HIS BULLSHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
BUT YOU'RE YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCED.
WHAT, AND YOU'RE SO SMART? IF YOU HAD ANY FUCKING BRAINS AT ALL, YOU NEVER WOULD'VE LET ME LEAVE.
YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME I WAS MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, THAT I WOULD LIVE TO REGRET IT.
THAT WHAT YOU GAVE ME WAS WORTH 1,000.
.
.
A MILLION TIMES MORE THAN ANYTHING HE HAD TO OFFER.
YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME THAT YOU LOVED ME.
THAT YOU WOULD GO ON LOVING ME, EVEN AFTER I WAS GONE.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE WAITING TO HEAR? YES.
BUT AS USUAL, YOU NEVER SAID IT, SO IT'S JUST AS WELL THAT I GO.
THAT'S SO LIKE YOU.
YOU DON'T HEAR WHAT YOU WANT, SO YOU LEAVE.
TRY STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE.
HAVE SOME BALLS.
Boys: [ Laughing/jeering .]
COME ON, WE'RE NOT CALLING THE POLICE, MICHAEL.
BUT I.
.
.
I DON'T WANT THEM HANGING OUT IN FRONT OF OUR APARTMENT.
WHAT IF ONE OF THEM HAD A KNIFE, OR A GUN? YOU COULD'VE BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED, OR EVEN KILLED.
THEY'RE JUST KIDS.
THEY'RE NOT KIDS.
THEY'RE HUSTLERS.
THEY'RE DRUG ADDICTS AND THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND NOW THERE'S ONE IN OUR GOD- DAMN BATHROOM.
I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE HIM OUT ON THE STREET TO GET THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF HIM.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? I THOUGHT HE COULD STAY HERE.
WHAT? FOR JUST ONE NIGHT.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? NOT FOR ONE MINUTE.
NOT FOR ONE SECOND.
COME ON, IT'S CHRISTMAS.
IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS.
WELL, THEN SHOW A LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, A LITTLE LOVE TOWARDS YOUR FELLOW MAN.
WHAT IF HE RIPS US OFF? OR MURDERS US IN OUR BEDS? WHAT IS HE GOING TO TAKE, THE CD PLAYER? [ Opening of door .]
OKAY, WHO WANTS TO FUCK ME FIRST? THAT'S NOT WHY WE BROUGHT YOU UP HERE.
WELL.
.
.
THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT? FOR YOU NOT TO GET KILLED.
BIG LOSS IF I DID.
I'M GOING BACK TO WORK.
Ben: NOT WITH THAT.
SOMEONE SHOULD PROB- ABLY LOOK AT IT.
I'LL TRY TO PICK UP A DOCTOR.
UH-UH.
YOU'RE STAYING HERE TONIGHT.
ALONE.
NOW PUT THIS ON AND FOLLOW ME.
[ Sighing .]
Ben: OKAY.
.
.
Boys on street: WANT A GOOD TIME? WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUDDY.
Lindsay: OKAY, THAT'S TOO HIGH.
NOW THAT'S TOO LOW.
Emmett: OKAY, GIRLS, LINE UP! [ Snapping of fingers .]
OOH, THERE'S THE MAN IN CHARGE.
Emmett: OKAY.
.
.
Lindsay: I THINK YOU CAN DO THE SAME WITH THAT ONE.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
WHO, OR SHOULD I SAY WHAT, ARE THOSE PEOPLE? MR.
BLOOM, I CAN EXPLAIN.
YOU SEE.
.
.
Emmett: HONESTLY! PUT OUT A CALL FOR DRAG QUEENS, NOT DREG QUEENS.
MR.
BLOOM, THIS IS EMMETT HONEYCUTT, THE NEW EVENT PLANNER.
HOW DO YOU DO? UH, MAY I JUST SAY.
.
.
NO, MAY I JUST SAY THAT I TOOK A GREAT RISK IN ENTRUSTING YOU WITH TONIGHT'S EVENT.
I CERTAINLY HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE DOING.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
OH-H! DragQueen: I LOVE A MAN WHO'S FORCEFUL.
TESTY, ISN'T HE? OH GOD, EM, PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT, AND I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
GOOD.
[ Shattering of glass .]
[ Gasping .]
OH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY? I REALLY WANTED TO GET BACK INTO THE WORLD AND PROVE MYSELF, AND NOW, ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE HOME WITH GUS, CHANGING HIS DIAPER.
SAME WITH ME AND TED.
YEAH, EXCEPT FOR THE DIAPER THING.
IN FACT, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WOULD EVER WANT TO LEAVE THEIR HOUSE.
.
.
.
WHEN IT'S SO MUCH SAFER JUST TO CLOSE THE DOOR.
BUT IF YOU CLOSE THE DOOR, NOTHING'LL EVER HAPPEN, WILL IT? WELL, YOU'LL JUST SIT THERE IN YOUR SAFE LITTLE ROOM FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
.
.
WONDERING WHAT MIGHT'VE BEEN.
Both: [ Sighing .]
OKAY, GIRLS, LET'S, UH.
.
.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
Lindsay: OKAY.
.
.
NOW, THAT'S TOO LOW.
THAT'S TOO HIGH.
HE'S STILL ASLEEP.
MUST'VE BEEN EXHAUSTED.
I'M SURE WITH THE HOURS HE KEEPS.
YOU KNOW, TO.
.
.
LOOK AT HIM.
.
.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU'D THINK HE WAS LIKE ANY OTHER TEENAGER.
WELL, HE'S NOT.
.
.
AND HE'S NEVER GOING TO BE.
JESUS, MICHAEL, WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF COMPASSION? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU TO BE SO UNCARING.
IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE THIS IS HEADING.
"GEE, MOMMY, CAN I KEEP POOCHIE? I'LL WALK HIM.
I'LL FEED HIM.
HE WON'T BE ANY TROUBLE, I PROMISE!" WELL, THE ANSWER'S NO.
WE'RE NOT TAKING IN A STRAY.
DID I ASK YOU TO? LOOK, I LOVE HOW GOOD-HEARTED YOU ARE.
.
.
.
AS LONG AS I DON'T ACT ON IT.
BUT ONE NIGHT IS ENOUGH.
SO WE SHOULD JUST TOSS HIM BACK ON THE STREET, LIKE EVERY- BODY ELSE? HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT OUR HELP! HE'LL BE THE FIRST TO TELL YOU.
WELL, HE'S WRONG, BECAUSE THE WAY HIS LIFE IS GOING, IT'LL BE OVER BEFORE HE'S 20.
WHAT TIME IS IT? IT'S ALMOST NOON.
OH, FUCK! WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME? FIGURED YOU COULD USE THE SLEEP.
WHAT I COULD USE IS CASH.
A LITTLE EARLY TO OPEN UP SHOP, ISN'T IT? LUNCH HOUR'S ONE OF MY BUSIEST TIMES.
ALL THE MARRIED BUSINESSMEN.
OKAY, AT, UH, LEAST HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT BEFORE YOU GO.
YEAH, YOU CAN'T EXPECT TO DO YOUR BEST WORK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
LISTEN, IF YOU NEED SOMETHING, OR YOU JUST WANT TO TALK.
.
.
HERE'S OUR NUMBER.
[ Sighing .]
AND, UH.
.
.
PUT THIS SOMEPLACE SAFE, IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY.
[ Closing of door .]
WE DID MORE FOR HIM THAN MOST PEOPLE.
WHAT WE DID WAS BUY OFF OUR CONSCIENCE FOR 100 BUCKS.
.
.
HALF THE PRICE OF FUCKING HIM WITHOUT A CONDOM.
Drag Queen: HM-MM, YES I AM A NATURAL BLONDE.
Man: HA-HA, YES, IT'S WONDERFUL.
THANKS.
.
.
TRY ONE OF THESE, MONSIEUR.
OH, NO, NO, I COULDN'T.
SURE YOU CANCAN.
[ Chuckling .]
[ Laughing .]
THIS IS AMAZING! I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT EMMETT ACCOMPLISHED.
WELL, HE'S BEEN WORKING LIKE A DOG.
I MEAN, <i>UN CHIEN.
</i> WE'VE NEVER HAD AN OPENING LIKE THIS.
MY CLIENTS ARE RAVING, AND I HAVE YOU TO THANK.
SO HOW MUCH IS IT GOING TO COST ME? YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT EMMETT IS VERY RESOURCEFUL.
MMM, THEN BOOK HIM FOR THE SURREALIST SHOW IN JUNE.
.
.
[ Mixed chatter .]
BUT HURRY.
IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO BE BUSY.
EXCUSE ME.
I FEEL LIKE THE TOWN SLUT ON PROM NIGHT.
.
.
AGAIN! [ Chortling .]
LOOK AT ALL THESE CARDS.
WOW.
I'M PROUD OF YOU, EM.
OH, THANKS, BABY.
CAREFUL ON THE BACK.
OH, SORRY.
SO, UM, WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHOULD WE BRING OUT THE PASTRIES? YOU'RE THE PLANNER.
WELL, THEN I SAY, FOLLOW ME.
TROOPS, IT'S TIME THOSE NAPOLEONS MET THEIR WATERLOO! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.
IT'S FUNNY.
USUALLY WHEN WE GO TO THESE EVENTS, IT'S FOR MY BUSINESS AND.
.
.
AND LINDSAY'S THERE TO SUPPORT ME, BUT TONIGHT, I'M THE WIFE.
YEAH.
GUESS I AM TOO.
Boys: [ Mixed chatter/shouts .]
Various: CHECK ME OUT, MAN.
COME ON, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED A HARD ASS.
HEY, COME ON BACK HERE.
I'VE GOT WHAT YOU WANT.
Various: YOU WANNA PLAY? Michael: BEN? Various: LONELY? WANNA HAVE SOME FUN? YOU GOTTA PAY.
HEY, DADDY, COME HERE.
.
.
I MASHED UP SOME FRESH GARLIC IN THE POTATOES.
OH, SMELLS GREAT.
Various: [ Jeering/laughing .]
HEY, NO DISEASE.
I'M CLEAN.
DADDY, YOU WANT A NICE TIGHT ASS? HEY, SEXY.
.
.
[ Knocking .]
MR.
KINNEY? TAYLOR.
COME IN.
SIT DOWN.
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME? I GAVE IT SOME THOUGHT.
I DECIDED YOU SHOULD TAKE ME BACK.
OH? EVEN THOUGH I HAVE MADE A FEW MISTAKES, I THINK YOU'D BE MAKING AN EVEN BIGGER ONE NOT TO GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE.
.
.
I SEE.
'CAUSE I NOW UNDER- STAND WHAT IT IS YOU WANT OF ME.
.
.
AND I KNOW WHAT I CAN EXPECT FROM YOU.
YOU ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'LL BE REQUIRED TO WORK LONG, HARD HOURS, SOMETIMES DEEP INTO THE NIGHT? IT'LL BE A PLEASURE TO WORK UNDER YOU, SIR.
AND YOU'RE NEVER.
.
.
TO PLAY VIOLIN MUSIC IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN.
I PROMISE.
GOOD.
WELL, THEN.
.
.
YOU CAN.
.
.
START.
.
.
IMMEDIATELY.
j& ALL THESE PEOPLE DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT j& j& THEY SIT AROUND AND CLEAN THEIR FACE WITH IT j& j& AND THEY LISTEN TO TEETH TO LEARN HOW TO QUIT j& j& TIED TO A NIGHT THEY NEVER MET j& j& YOU KNOW IT'S TIME j& j& THAT WE GROW OLD j& j& AND DO SOME SHIT j& j& I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY j& j& I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY j& j& ALL THESE PEOPLE DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT j& j& SWALLOWING WORDS WHILE GIVING HEAD j& j& THEY LISTEN TO TEETH TO LEARN HOW TO QUIT j& j& TAKE SOME HANDS AND GET USED TO IT j& j& ALL THESE PEOPLE DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT j& j& THEY SIT AROUND AND CLEAN THEIR FACE WITH IT j& j& YOU KNOW IT'S TIME j& j& THAT WE j& j& GROW OLD j& MOO! j& AND DO SOME SHIT j& j& I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY j& j& I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY j&