The Middle s03e09 Episode Script
The Play
High school-- In some ways, it was a lot different for Sue.
In other ways, it was exactly the same.
Oh, no.
Lacrosse tryouts? I'm never gonna make anything.
Did you leave the price tag on your helmet? Yeah.
Ohh.
Good girl.
Uh, mom, can we call grandma Pat and grandpa Tag? Oh, Brick, you want to talk to them? Not really, but grandparents and special friends day is next week at school, and we get extra credit if we bring a grandparent or a special friend.
Well, grandma and grandpa are on their cyber seniors computer cruise, remember? They're not gonna be home for a couple of weeks.
Maybe grandpa big Mike? Great! Give him a ring and work out the deets, and let me know when it's all confirmed.
Oh, wouldn't it be awesome for you if I was the kind of mom that would do that? Sorry about lacrosse, Sue.
Did you leave the tag on that stick? Yep.
Attagirl.
Mom! Dad is totally out of control! He says I'm grounded and no video games! Tell him he can't double up on punishments like that.
I can when you double up on being a moron.
Oh, my God.
What would you do if one of your friends challenged you to drive blindfolded? Get smarter friends? You know, I'm not gonna share my accomplishments with you anymore if this is how you guys react! Ohh.
Frankie, guess what? In the Orson Community Theater's upcoming production of "The Wizard Of Oz," I have just been cast as The Mayor of Munchkinland.
Wow! I have lines and everything.
Hey, uh, would your kids be interested in trying out? They're looking for Munchkins.
We've only got three.
Not very much of a land.
Nah, it's not really Axl and Brick's thing, and Sue's already tried out for so much stuff this year, if she didn't make something else, it could send her over the edge.
Oh, kids don't have to audition.
Everybody gets in.
Everybody? Everybody.
So over the clutter and through the stoves, to grandfather's house Brick went.
Oh.
Hey, I know you.
From that time we ate turkey.
You're Kevin.
Kenny! Brick.
Well, if you say so.
Actually, Uncle Rusty, I was looking for grandpa big Mike.
Grandparents and special friends day is coming up at my school, and I wanted to see if he could come to my class.
Nah, they're tearing down a red roof inn in Traverse City, and, uh, dad's down there picking up 40 toilets.
Shoot.
I'm straddling check, check-minus territory here.
I could really use the extra credit.
Hey, maybe you could come.
Well, what are they paying? Uh, they're not paying anything.
Oh.
Well, uh, I've been looking for a reason to put on a pair of pants, so sure.
Great.
So, uh oh, you-- You want a cup of coffee? Uh, d-do you drink coffee? Nope.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Coffee's bad.
Cigarettes are bad, too.
I gotta go have both, but, um, let me be a cautionary tale for you.
- What are you doing? - Snapping pennies.
Hey, it's your fault.
You took away my video games, and now I'm forced to come up with a way to entertain myself.
It's pretty sweet, actually.
Six holes in every screen.
I'm the winner.
I think that's a matter of opinion.
Hey, Sue.
Guess what? I heard today that the Orson Community Theater is doing "Wizard Of Oz," and they really need more teenagers to be Munchkins.
What do you say? It could be fun, huh? I don't know.
I kinda had my heart set on trying out for drill team.
Well, drill team is really cool.
I mean, everybody knows that, but the great thing about the play is, all kids get in.
They take everybody.
Everybody? Everybody.
Well, I guess it could be fun.
Yay, I'm in a play! Yay! Ding-dong! The witch is dead which old witch? the wicked witch ding-dong! The wicked witch is dead wake up, you sleepyhead rub your eyes, get out of bed wake up, the wicked witch is dead You know, you have a very pretty voice.
Who, me? No But thank you.
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing Say, you know, we could really use some more strong-voiced Ozians.
I'm a sucker for a soprano.
Oh, you're sweet, but I'm just here to pick up my daughter.
Hey, guys.
You're sounding good! I'm trying to convince your mom here to be one of the Ozians.
Ohh.
No way! Mom, you should totally do it.
No.
I mean, I would love to, but I don't think I have time.
Anyway, the play is really your thing.
But think of how much cooler it could be if the play was our thing.
Ohh.
Yeah! It could be our thing! Oh.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't really see myself as a performer.
I don't know which one of us was enjoying it more.
Yes, I do.
It was me.
I realized I never do anything just for the joy of it, just for fun.
Being in a play was like being part of a family-- Well, the kind that puts their dirty dishes in the sink, not on the back of the toilet.
Yep.
I was having the time of my life.
Frankie, have you got a second? Sure.
Just highlighting my solo.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this.
I'm gonna have to let Sue go.
What? What do you mean, let her go? Look at her.
Positively, absolutely Undeniably What? What's the problem? Frankie, she's got crazy eyes.
Crazy eyes? It's like she's having a panic attack in her eyes.
This is a day of inde pendence for all the Munchkins and their des cendants.
I don't know what you're talking about.
She looks fine to me.
I'm sorry.
The theater-- She is a cruel mistress.
You understand, right? No.
No, I don't understand.
My daughter is a person with hopes and feelings, and I was told everybody gets in.
It's true.
All the kids get in.
However, all the kids don't necessarily stay in.
Well, you could have put that in the flyer.
Please.
You don't get it.
She never makes anything.
You can't tell her this.
She'll be crushed.
Oh, wow.
You're right.
That's why you should be the one to tell her.
ding-dong! The merry-oh sing it high, sing it low let them know the wicked witch is dead Well, Uncle Rusty stood me up.
What? Yep.
A little embarrassing.
I was the only one there without a special friend.
At least Charlie's grandpa talked to me for a while.
Did you know president Obama's not a U.
S.
citizen? Damn it, Frankie.
I knew asking my brother was a bad idea.
This is your parents' fault for going on that stupid cyber cruise.
They're old.
Why do they gotta learn new stuff? Ohh.
Thanks, dad.
You got in my line of vision.
I was at level five, and now I gotta start back at the beginning.
Oh, hey, Sue.
Do you got a minute? I was just gonna go run my line.
Oh, I think that can wait.
Listen, honey, I have some terrible news.
Grandma died? No.
No, but keep that in perspective as to what terrible news really is.
Listen, gene talked to me last night, and he said he was really sorry, but unfortunately You're off the play.
What?! Why? I guess there were some complaints that your eyes were more interesting to watch than the lead performance.
Ohh.
I'm really sorry, honey.
Oh, it stinks.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe we're not in the play.
Uh, yeah, well That's not exactly true.
So we are doing the play? No, we're not.
So we're off the play.
No, no.
That's not it.
So we're on the play.
- We're not.
- We're not? Right.
We're not.
What? Your mom's in.
You're out.
Just say it.
Thank you, Mike.
I was getting there! What? But you're gonna quit, right? Well, quitting is certainly something that I could do, although I am the strongest voice of all the Ozians And it is for charity, but if you really want me to quit, then I-- I want you to quit.
Okay, well, let's not jump into any rash decisions.
Just sleep on it, and if you still want me to quit in the morning, I will.
I want you to quit.
You know, it's still too soon to really know how you feel.
Let's give it another day.
I want you to quit.
Let's be super, super sure.
Frankie, you have a call on line one.
Sue wants you to quit.
It was settled then.
I was just gonna have to quit.
Why do I have to quit? Just 'cause Sue has stupid crazy eyes? Maybe I don't wanna quit.
So don't quit.
Yeah, sure.
Right.
I won't quit, and then I'll be the worst mother in the world.
Ohh! You know, it's not fair.
I'm really loving it, Mike.
The people there are so nice to me, and I get to wear these pretty costumes, and they bring me tea.
Nothing has made me this happy in years.
No offense taken.
And they like my voice.
The last time I sang in the car, the kids threw cheetos at me.
Wow.
Must have really hated it to give up cheetos.
Ohh.
Why do I always have to make the sacrifice just 'cause I'm the mom? Frankie, you work hard.
If you've found something that makes you happy, you should stick with it.
I know, right? And she's not a kid anymore.
If Sue's upset, well, that's life.
She'll bounce back.
It's not like she hasn't had any practice.
That's true.
And even if you do quit, it's not gonna help her any.
She's still off the play.
Oh, that's good.
I gotta write that one down.
You know, if you really think about it, if I'm in the play Then Sue's in the play.
Yeah, don't go with that one.
and then I heard the door, and then I came here.
Brick's grandparents and special people day-- Any of that ring a bell? Oh, well, I-I don't think that was, uh, that was actually a firm commitment.
Nothing's ever a firm commitment with you.
This is what you do.
You didn't even bother to show up at my wedding.
Well, who has a wedding on a weekend? Everyone on Earth.
You know, Brick was really counting on you, and You know what? Forget it.
I'm not gonna even bother explaining it to you, 'cause you're never gonna get it.
Hey.
Thought you could use a snack.
Now is grandma dead? She's fine, but speaking of grandma, well, you know, that reminds me of a funny story.
When I was little, your grandma and I decided it would be fun to get matching mother-daughter dresses, so we went shopping all over town looking for the right ones, and finally, we found the perfect dress, but they only had one, and it fit grandma, but it didn't fit me.
Ohh.
Anyway, grandma got the dress, and I was so happy.
She bought the dress? Well, yeah, but she looked so beautiful in it.
She wore it in front of you? Of course, but you're missing the point.
Grandma was so happy, and I was happy because she was happy.
I don't understand why you didn't keep shopping until you found dresses in both your sizes.
No, no, no, no, no.
I was happy because she-- But isn't that the point of mother-daughter dresses-- To get the same dress? Yeah, but-- Gosh.
Who knew grandma was so selfish? I am so glad you're my mom and not her.
Okay, I'm done.
There's no way I'm telling her.
So I stayed in the play and just Fudged the truth a little bit.
Wow.
Busy night.
I've gotta go to the bank and the cleaners, and I should probably go to the drug store, 'cause I've had this headache for, like, five days.
It's not a throbbing, like, "wah-wah" headache, you know.
It's more of a dull, constant "eh," so I'll probably be gone Hey! It's Brick's Uncle.
I'm here for, uh, grandparents and special friends day.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Uh, th-that was last week.
Th-they're taking a test.
Now is really not the best time.
Oh, no, it's not the best time for me at all, but I'm here, so how does this work? What, do they, uh, sing me a song, give me a cupcake or somethin'? Oh.
Well, I-I guess we might have a minute.
Uh is there anything you'd like to share with the students? Yeah.
Yeah, I got somethin'.
They tell you you gotta learn your a-b-c's, but what they don't tell you is, you gotta learn them backwards while balancing on one foot with a flashlight in your face while some guy you went to high school with calls you a punk on account of he became a cop and you swerved a little and hit a fire hydrant.
Ha! Oh! Look at that.
Time for lunch.
Let's please form a line, uh, by the door.
Go! Hey, come on.
I'll take you to lunch.
Uh, I don't know.
I think I'm supposed to tell the principal if I leave the school.
No, we don't need to bother the principal.
You know, they don't want some stranger coming in, saying he's gonna take a small child.
Hmm.
Bye, guys.
Gotta go.
Taking aunt Ginny to the movies.
Of course, she calls it "The Picture Show.
" Isn't it nice how good mom is to the aunts? What? You cannot be that big of an idiot.
You really have no idea where mom's going? No.
Think! Bob's been picking her up all week.
She's been humming stupid songs all around the house.
Last night she came home with green glitter in her hair.
Oh.
Stop it! That's right, Sue.
Mom's still in the play.
What?! You know, when you said lunch and bowling, I didn't realize you could do it all in one awesome place.
Yeah.
Hey, you're a pretty good bowler, too, you know? What did you end up with? for a 7-year-old.
No, I'm 10.
Oh.
Well, you should be better then.
Okay.
Time for you to take the wheel.
What? Well, you gotta learn to drive some time, don't ya? Um, don't I have to be 16? Who says? The state does.
I don't have a license.
Oh.
Me neither.
I like to keep off the grid.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's do it.
Does this really seem like a good idea? I mean, mom won't even let me make toast.
Oh, come on now.
Put her in drive.
There you go.
Now give it a little gas.
I'm so nervous.
Well, there's nothing to be nervous about.
Worst-case scenario, we both die, and that's gonna happen at some point anyway.
Okay.
I'm driving! Driving.
Okay, now keep your eye on the road! Jeez, I learned that lesson the hard way.
Hey, this is kind of embarrassing, but, uh, could you give me your name one more time? Is it Hey, dad.
We had the best day.
Uncle Rusty took me out of school, and we ate ribs, and I bowled a 39.
I learned that I do not like beer, though.
Oh.
He did pretty well.
Oversteered a little bit, but that's why you gotta-- Not let him drive? What, are you nuts? Oh.
Oh, he was fine.
Dad let us drive.
We turned out okay.
You wanna rephrase that? Okay, uh Dad let we drive.
Us turned out okay.
Is that what you're looking for, grammar police? Rusty, you can't disappoint a kid, then make up for it by stuffing him with ribs and taking him out to do something illegal and dangerous.
Oh.
Brick's happy.
Sure, until the next thing comes along that you miss.
Look, you're in and out of our lives, and I get tired of making excuses about where you are or why you're not around.
The kids ask about you.
I say, "oh, you know Uncle Rusty," but they don't.
Brick.
Listen, uh You know, just 'cause I don't, uh, show up for things, well, that-- that doesn't mean that I don't care for ya.
Hey, I got ribs, bowling, a driving lesson, and extra credit.
I'm all good.
Yeah.
Same goes for you.
Hello, mother.
Is there something you'd like to tell me? I'm sorry! I love you.
I love you so much.
You're so good, and I'm so bad.
I'm so, so bad, and I'm weak! That's what I am.
I'm weak, and I'm sorry, and-- Not now! But you're right.
I have no excuse.
None.
Except that I love doing the play.
I was so excited to have something that was just for me, that was my thing, 'cause there I'm a singer, and today a Munchkin barfed, and no one expected me to clean it up, 'cause there I'm not a mom.
I'm Ozian number four, and that just made me feel Special.
Wow.
I didn't realize how much the play meant to you.
But you know what? I don't want to do the play without you, so tomorrow we're marching down there and demanding that they find a place for you, too.
The play's gonna be our thing.
Pat, pat here, pat, pat there and a couple of brand-new straws that's how we keep you young and fair in the merry old land of Oz And sure enough, they found a place for Sue-- Underneath the stage.
C7 to B6.
Got it.
B6, go.
Can you even dye my eyes to match my gown? uh-huh jolly old town C1 to C5.
Where's C5?! C5-- It won't reach.
There must be a knot.
Clip, clip here, clip, clip there we give the roughest claws that certain air of savoir faire in the merry old land of Oz ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho ha, ha, ha, ha, ha that's how we laugh the day away in the merry old land of Oz The thing is, in life, if you just did your own thing, well, you wouldn't be part of a family, 'cause it's just more fun when you go through it together.
Come on.
Go, Axl! You can do it! Whoo!
In other ways, it was exactly the same.
Oh, no.
Lacrosse tryouts? I'm never gonna make anything.
Did you leave the price tag on your helmet? Yeah.
Ohh.
Good girl.
Uh, mom, can we call grandma Pat and grandpa Tag? Oh, Brick, you want to talk to them? Not really, but grandparents and special friends day is next week at school, and we get extra credit if we bring a grandparent or a special friend.
Well, grandma and grandpa are on their cyber seniors computer cruise, remember? They're not gonna be home for a couple of weeks.
Maybe grandpa big Mike? Great! Give him a ring and work out the deets, and let me know when it's all confirmed.
Oh, wouldn't it be awesome for you if I was the kind of mom that would do that? Sorry about lacrosse, Sue.
Did you leave the tag on that stick? Yep.
Attagirl.
Mom! Dad is totally out of control! He says I'm grounded and no video games! Tell him he can't double up on punishments like that.
I can when you double up on being a moron.
Oh, my God.
What would you do if one of your friends challenged you to drive blindfolded? Get smarter friends? You know, I'm not gonna share my accomplishments with you anymore if this is how you guys react! Ohh.
Frankie, guess what? In the Orson Community Theater's upcoming production of "The Wizard Of Oz," I have just been cast as The Mayor of Munchkinland.
Wow! I have lines and everything.
Hey, uh, would your kids be interested in trying out? They're looking for Munchkins.
We've only got three.
Not very much of a land.
Nah, it's not really Axl and Brick's thing, and Sue's already tried out for so much stuff this year, if she didn't make something else, it could send her over the edge.
Oh, kids don't have to audition.
Everybody gets in.
Everybody? Everybody.
So over the clutter and through the stoves, to grandfather's house Brick went.
Oh.
Hey, I know you.
From that time we ate turkey.
You're Kevin.
Kenny! Brick.
Well, if you say so.
Actually, Uncle Rusty, I was looking for grandpa big Mike.
Grandparents and special friends day is coming up at my school, and I wanted to see if he could come to my class.
Nah, they're tearing down a red roof inn in Traverse City, and, uh, dad's down there picking up 40 toilets.
Shoot.
I'm straddling check, check-minus territory here.
I could really use the extra credit.
Hey, maybe you could come.
Well, what are they paying? Uh, they're not paying anything.
Oh.
Well, uh, I've been looking for a reason to put on a pair of pants, so sure.
Great.
So, uh oh, you-- You want a cup of coffee? Uh, d-do you drink coffee? Nope.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Coffee's bad.
Cigarettes are bad, too.
I gotta go have both, but, um, let me be a cautionary tale for you.
- What are you doing? - Snapping pennies.
Hey, it's your fault.
You took away my video games, and now I'm forced to come up with a way to entertain myself.
It's pretty sweet, actually.
Six holes in every screen.
I'm the winner.
I think that's a matter of opinion.
Hey, Sue.
Guess what? I heard today that the Orson Community Theater is doing "Wizard Of Oz," and they really need more teenagers to be Munchkins.
What do you say? It could be fun, huh? I don't know.
I kinda had my heart set on trying out for drill team.
Well, drill team is really cool.
I mean, everybody knows that, but the great thing about the play is, all kids get in.
They take everybody.
Everybody? Everybody.
Well, I guess it could be fun.
Yay, I'm in a play! Yay! Ding-dong! The witch is dead which old witch? the wicked witch ding-dong! The wicked witch is dead wake up, you sleepyhead rub your eyes, get out of bed wake up, the wicked witch is dead You know, you have a very pretty voice.
Who, me? No But thank you.
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing Say, you know, we could really use some more strong-voiced Ozians.
I'm a sucker for a soprano.
Oh, you're sweet, but I'm just here to pick up my daughter.
Hey, guys.
You're sounding good! I'm trying to convince your mom here to be one of the Ozians.
Ohh.
No way! Mom, you should totally do it.
No.
I mean, I would love to, but I don't think I have time.
Anyway, the play is really your thing.
But think of how much cooler it could be if the play was our thing.
Ohh.
Yeah! It could be our thing! Oh.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't really see myself as a performer.
I don't know which one of us was enjoying it more.
Yes, I do.
It was me.
I realized I never do anything just for the joy of it, just for fun.
Being in a play was like being part of a family-- Well, the kind that puts their dirty dishes in the sink, not on the back of the toilet.
Yep.
I was having the time of my life.
Frankie, have you got a second? Sure.
Just highlighting my solo.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this.
I'm gonna have to let Sue go.
What? What do you mean, let her go? Look at her.
Positively, absolutely Undeniably What? What's the problem? Frankie, she's got crazy eyes.
Crazy eyes? It's like she's having a panic attack in her eyes.
This is a day of inde pendence for all the Munchkins and their des cendants.
I don't know what you're talking about.
She looks fine to me.
I'm sorry.
The theater-- She is a cruel mistress.
You understand, right? No.
No, I don't understand.
My daughter is a person with hopes and feelings, and I was told everybody gets in.
It's true.
All the kids get in.
However, all the kids don't necessarily stay in.
Well, you could have put that in the flyer.
Please.
You don't get it.
She never makes anything.
You can't tell her this.
She'll be crushed.
Oh, wow.
You're right.
That's why you should be the one to tell her.
ding-dong! The merry-oh sing it high, sing it low let them know the wicked witch is dead Well, Uncle Rusty stood me up.
What? Yep.
A little embarrassing.
I was the only one there without a special friend.
At least Charlie's grandpa talked to me for a while.
Did you know president Obama's not a U.
S.
citizen? Damn it, Frankie.
I knew asking my brother was a bad idea.
This is your parents' fault for going on that stupid cyber cruise.
They're old.
Why do they gotta learn new stuff? Ohh.
Thanks, dad.
You got in my line of vision.
I was at level five, and now I gotta start back at the beginning.
Oh, hey, Sue.
Do you got a minute? I was just gonna go run my line.
Oh, I think that can wait.
Listen, honey, I have some terrible news.
Grandma died? No.
No, but keep that in perspective as to what terrible news really is.
Listen, gene talked to me last night, and he said he was really sorry, but unfortunately You're off the play.
What?! Why? I guess there were some complaints that your eyes were more interesting to watch than the lead performance.
Ohh.
I'm really sorry, honey.
Oh, it stinks.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe we're not in the play.
Uh, yeah, well That's not exactly true.
So we are doing the play? No, we're not.
So we're off the play.
No, no.
That's not it.
So we're on the play.
- We're not.
- We're not? Right.
We're not.
What? Your mom's in.
You're out.
Just say it.
Thank you, Mike.
I was getting there! What? But you're gonna quit, right? Well, quitting is certainly something that I could do, although I am the strongest voice of all the Ozians And it is for charity, but if you really want me to quit, then I-- I want you to quit.
Okay, well, let's not jump into any rash decisions.
Just sleep on it, and if you still want me to quit in the morning, I will.
I want you to quit.
You know, it's still too soon to really know how you feel.
Let's give it another day.
I want you to quit.
Let's be super, super sure.
Frankie, you have a call on line one.
Sue wants you to quit.
It was settled then.
I was just gonna have to quit.
Why do I have to quit? Just 'cause Sue has stupid crazy eyes? Maybe I don't wanna quit.
So don't quit.
Yeah, sure.
Right.
I won't quit, and then I'll be the worst mother in the world.
Ohh! You know, it's not fair.
I'm really loving it, Mike.
The people there are so nice to me, and I get to wear these pretty costumes, and they bring me tea.
Nothing has made me this happy in years.
No offense taken.
And they like my voice.
The last time I sang in the car, the kids threw cheetos at me.
Wow.
Must have really hated it to give up cheetos.
Ohh.
Why do I always have to make the sacrifice just 'cause I'm the mom? Frankie, you work hard.
If you've found something that makes you happy, you should stick with it.
I know, right? And she's not a kid anymore.
If Sue's upset, well, that's life.
She'll bounce back.
It's not like she hasn't had any practice.
That's true.
And even if you do quit, it's not gonna help her any.
She's still off the play.
Oh, that's good.
I gotta write that one down.
You know, if you really think about it, if I'm in the play Then Sue's in the play.
Yeah, don't go with that one.
and then I heard the door, and then I came here.
Brick's grandparents and special people day-- Any of that ring a bell? Oh, well, I-I don't think that was, uh, that was actually a firm commitment.
Nothing's ever a firm commitment with you.
This is what you do.
You didn't even bother to show up at my wedding.
Well, who has a wedding on a weekend? Everyone on Earth.
You know, Brick was really counting on you, and You know what? Forget it.
I'm not gonna even bother explaining it to you, 'cause you're never gonna get it.
Hey.
Thought you could use a snack.
Now is grandma dead? She's fine, but speaking of grandma, well, you know, that reminds me of a funny story.
When I was little, your grandma and I decided it would be fun to get matching mother-daughter dresses, so we went shopping all over town looking for the right ones, and finally, we found the perfect dress, but they only had one, and it fit grandma, but it didn't fit me.
Ohh.
Anyway, grandma got the dress, and I was so happy.
She bought the dress? Well, yeah, but she looked so beautiful in it.
She wore it in front of you? Of course, but you're missing the point.
Grandma was so happy, and I was happy because she was happy.
I don't understand why you didn't keep shopping until you found dresses in both your sizes.
No, no, no, no, no.
I was happy because she-- But isn't that the point of mother-daughter dresses-- To get the same dress? Yeah, but-- Gosh.
Who knew grandma was so selfish? I am so glad you're my mom and not her.
Okay, I'm done.
There's no way I'm telling her.
So I stayed in the play and just Fudged the truth a little bit.
Wow.
Busy night.
I've gotta go to the bank and the cleaners, and I should probably go to the drug store, 'cause I've had this headache for, like, five days.
It's not a throbbing, like, "wah-wah" headache, you know.
It's more of a dull, constant "eh," so I'll probably be gone Hey! It's Brick's Uncle.
I'm here for, uh, grandparents and special friends day.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Uh, th-that was last week.
Th-they're taking a test.
Now is really not the best time.
Oh, no, it's not the best time for me at all, but I'm here, so how does this work? What, do they, uh, sing me a song, give me a cupcake or somethin'? Oh.
Well, I-I guess we might have a minute.
Uh is there anything you'd like to share with the students? Yeah.
Yeah, I got somethin'.
They tell you you gotta learn your a-b-c's, but what they don't tell you is, you gotta learn them backwards while balancing on one foot with a flashlight in your face while some guy you went to high school with calls you a punk on account of he became a cop and you swerved a little and hit a fire hydrant.
Ha! Oh! Look at that.
Time for lunch.
Let's please form a line, uh, by the door.
Go! Hey, come on.
I'll take you to lunch.
Uh, I don't know.
I think I'm supposed to tell the principal if I leave the school.
No, we don't need to bother the principal.
You know, they don't want some stranger coming in, saying he's gonna take a small child.
Hmm.
Bye, guys.
Gotta go.
Taking aunt Ginny to the movies.
Of course, she calls it "The Picture Show.
" Isn't it nice how good mom is to the aunts? What? You cannot be that big of an idiot.
You really have no idea where mom's going? No.
Think! Bob's been picking her up all week.
She's been humming stupid songs all around the house.
Last night she came home with green glitter in her hair.
Oh.
Stop it! That's right, Sue.
Mom's still in the play.
What?! You know, when you said lunch and bowling, I didn't realize you could do it all in one awesome place.
Yeah.
Hey, you're a pretty good bowler, too, you know? What did you end up with? for a 7-year-old.
No, I'm 10.
Oh.
Well, you should be better then.
Okay.
Time for you to take the wheel.
What? Well, you gotta learn to drive some time, don't ya? Um, don't I have to be 16? Who says? The state does.
I don't have a license.
Oh.
Me neither.
I like to keep off the grid.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's do it.
Does this really seem like a good idea? I mean, mom won't even let me make toast.
Oh, come on now.
Put her in drive.
There you go.
Now give it a little gas.
I'm so nervous.
Well, there's nothing to be nervous about.
Worst-case scenario, we both die, and that's gonna happen at some point anyway.
Okay.
I'm driving! Driving.
Okay, now keep your eye on the road! Jeez, I learned that lesson the hard way.
Hey, this is kind of embarrassing, but, uh, could you give me your name one more time? Is it Hey, dad.
We had the best day.
Uncle Rusty took me out of school, and we ate ribs, and I bowled a 39.
I learned that I do not like beer, though.
Oh.
He did pretty well.
Oversteered a little bit, but that's why you gotta-- Not let him drive? What, are you nuts? Oh.
Oh, he was fine.
Dad let us drive.
We turned out okay.
You wanna rephrase that? Okay, uh Dad let we drive.
Us turned out okay.
Is that what you're looking for, grammar police? Rusty, you can't disappoint a kid, then make up for it by stuffing him with ribs and taking him out to do something illegal and dangerous.
Oh.
Brick's happy.
Sure, until the next thing comes along that you miss.
Look, you're in and out of our lives, and I get tired of making excuses about where you are or why you're not around.
The kids ask about you.
I say, "oh, you know Uncle Rusty," but they don't.
Brick.
Listen, uh You know, just 'cause I don't, uh, show up for things, well, that-- that doesn't mean that I don't care for ya.
Hey, I got ribs, bowling, a driving lesson, and extra credit.
I'm all good.
Yeah.
Same goes for you.
Hello, mother.
Is there something you'd like to tell me? I'm sorry! I love you.
I love you so much.
You're so good, and I'm so bad.
I'm so, so bad, and I'm weak! That's what I am.
I'm weak, and I'm sorry, and-- Not now! But you're right.
I have no excuse.
None.
Except that I love doing the play.
I was so excited to have something that was just for me, that was my thing, 'cause there I'm a singer, and today a Munchkin barfed, and no one expected me to clean it up, 'cause there I'm not a mom.
I'm Ozian number four, and that just made me feel Special.
Wow.
I didn't realize how much the play meant to you.
But you know what? I don't want to do the play without you, so tomorrow we're marching down there and demanding that they find a place for you, too.
The play's gonna be our thing.
Pat, pat here, pat, pat there and a couple of brand-new straws that's how we keep you young and fair in the merry old land of Oz And sure enough, they found a place for Sue-- Underneath the stage.
C7 to B6.
Got it.
B6, go.
Can you even dye my eyes to match my gown? uh-huh jolly old town C1 to C5.
Where's C5?! C5-- It won't reach.
There must be a knot.
Clip, clip here, clip, clip there we give the roughest claws that certain air of savoir faire in the merry old land of Oz ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho ha, ha, ha, ha, ha that's how we laugh the day away in the merry old land of Oz The thing is, in life, if you just did your own thing, well, you wouldn't be part of a family, 'cause it's just more fun when you go through it together.
Come on.
Go, Axl! You can do it! Whoo!