Home Improvement s03e11 Episode Script

Did you hear what Samantha said in English? She told me she liked him.
She likes him? Hi.
Yeah.
Hi.
Uh, this is my friend Ashley.
Hi, Ashley.
Hi.
She's gonna study with me.
Yeah, we've got, like, a really big history test coming up.
Oh.
Well, here, let me clear this table and you can, like, use it.
No, it's OK.
We decided to study in my room.
Make sure you, like, leave the door open, OK? (phone rings) Hello? Yes, it is.
Reunion? What reunion? No, I never got an invitation.
I haven't lived there in 15 years.
Oh, gosh.
It's next Saturday? I don't know if I can get it together that fast.
I have to make hotel reservations, plane reservations, lose ten pounds Look, I'll tell you what.
Can I call you back tomorrow? What's your number? OK.
Bye-bye.
Hi.
Hi.
You will never guess what I just found out.
My high-school reunion is next Saturday in Washington.
Has it been 50 years already? I think I wanna go.
We just have to find somebody to stay with the kids.
I'll stay.
No way! I went to your reunion, you're going to mine.
You were miserable at my reunion.
You spent the whole night by yourself.
And why was that? Because you and your friends spent the whole night mooning your old principal.
I think she enjoyed it.
You are going with me.
I thought you hated your high school.
I loved this high school.
I hated Joanie Graham.
Well, Joanie the phony could be there.
You wanna risk it? I don't care if she is there.
She kept me away from my high-school prom.
She's not gonna keep me away from my reunion.
You know what? I hope that she comes.
I hope she comes and brings whatever-his-name-was.
Oh, yeah.
The guy that dumped you for her.
Jack.
Jack.
I know his name was Jack.
You think I forgot his name was Jack? Practically ruined my whole senior year.
Everybody in the school knew that my best friend was seeing my boyfriend, except me.
So you want to fly to DC to be mocked and humiliated? I could do that right here.
What do you think? Could we put the kids in the middle? What you got in this thing? Clothes.
We're only going to DC for two days.
And two nights.
That's four outfits.
And they said it might snow.
So what did you do, pack a snow shovel and a plow? No.
A parka and boots.
I'm not gonna walk in the slush in my high heels.
(thud) What you got in there? My essentials.
The makeup, the night cream, the day cream, the concealer, the cotton balls, magnifying mirror Why don't you just airmail the whole bathroom Oh! (thud) I wish I could.
There's a big difference between men and women.
Look what you're taking - the Godzilla bag.
And I got this.
Between this and what I got on, I got everything I need, including a suit.
You have a whole suit squished into that little pouch? Yeah, and I got a necktie in there somehow.
I don't know about this.
It's wrinkle-free.
You hang it up, couple hours - boom, the wrinkles are gone.
It's made out of space-age woven polyester.
(doorbell rings) Hi, Al.
Hi, Jill.
I hope I'm not late.
Hey, Tim.
How are you? What's in the bag? You're only staying here two days.
And two nights.
I bought cupcakes for dessert, if that's OK.
Oh, thank you, and thank you for giving up your weekend to stay with our kids.
No, no, it's my pleasure.
Where are the plane tickets? I thought you had 'em.
I hope I didn't jam 'em in that little wrinkle-free suit bag.
No, up on my dresser.
(groans) OK, Al, I've got a few instructions for you here.
Mark has a birthday party to go to tomorrow at the ice rink.
This is the address.
He's a little bit nervous 'cause he hasn't skated in about a year.
Brad has a girlfriend, Ashley, coming over to study.
Make sure that he studies his books and not her.
Now, Randy still has a little bronchitis.
Do not let him go outside.
Make sure he takes all this medicine.
One teaspoon of cough syrup twice a day, one teaspoon of antibiotic three times a day.
This has to live in the refrigerator.
Now, if his cough turns into a wheeze, kind of like a little whistly sound, discontinue the cough syrup and give him two puffs of this inhaler four times a day.
Unless it's like a big whistle, and then you should call the doctor, and then me.
I gave you all the doctor's number, pharmacy number, hotel number and our flight numbers right here.
Tim, do you have any instructions for Al? Don't let anybody touch my tools.
So, you'll be with us for two nights? Yeah, that's right.
I hope while you're in our nation's capital you'll have time to do some sightseeing.
(imitating his deep voice) Well, we certainly will attempt it.
We're gonna try to make it to the Smithsonian.
Ooh, excellent choice.
You know, it's home to Old Glory and the desk Thomas Jefferson used to draft the Declaration of Independence.
That's great.
We're hoping to see Don Garlits' Funny Car, "Swamp Rat.
" I'm afraid your room's not quite ready.
But if you'd like, we can hold your bags and you can check in with the reunion committee.
OK.
Good.
I just need your credit card.
OK.
Jill? Jill Patterson, give me an "A," give me a "D," give me an "A, M, S.
" Adams! Adams! You're the best! Yes! Oh! It's gonna be a very long weekend.
It is so good to see you, Jill.
Oh, you too.
I have absolutely no idea who you are.
Leslie Morrison.
We were co-captains of the cheerleading squad.
You look fabulous! Not that you didn't look fabulous before, but you just look even more fabulous now.
It's because of my nose.
I got a new one.
Oh, it's a beauty! Oh, oh.
Tim, this is Leslie Morrison.
This is my husband Tim.
Nose to meet you.
I mean Nice honker.
I'll have to catch up with you later, Jill.
OK.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Nice to meet you.
We'll see you later.
Oh, no.
She's here.
Who? Joanie Graham, the boyfriend stealer.
What are you doing? I don't want her to see me.
Well, honey I thought you didn't care.
I didn't think I did, until I saw her little weasely face.
Now I just want to get out of here and go home.
All right.
I'll call a cab, get the bags.
Tim! I came all this way to see my friends.
Are you just gonna let me leave? That's what you just asked me to do.
Well, what I want you to do is be supportive.
How do you want me to do that? Just shut up! Jill? Joanie! I am so happy to see you.
How are you? I'm fine.
I am really glad you came.
It's just been such a long time.
Yeah, really a long time.
They just told us that we have to check in at the reunion committee.
Maybe we'll see you around a little bit later.
OK.
Well, I hope so, 'cause I'd really love to sit and talk with you about some things.
Oh, hey, hey.
Not necessary.
It's water under the bridge.
Who comes to a reunion to talk about the past? Well, Jill I mean, we did go through a lot together.
Well, yeah, but that was, like, 20 years ago, you know? I mean, I don't even remember the name of the guy that came between us.
Jack.
It was Jack.
It'll be about five minutes more.
OK.
If you're so mad at Joanie, why did you tell her everything was all right? I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that it still bothers me.
Wait a minute.
Come here, sit down.
You didn't want to come here, but you came here.
You want me to support you, you want me to shut up.
You hate her, but you want her to still think you like her.
Exactly.
(groans) I'll tell you what.
If this were two guys, it'd be over 20 years ago.
We'd have rolled up our sleeves, broke each other's noses, had a couple of beers.
Tim, the reason I never resolved things with Joanie was because I was just so hurt by what she did to me.
My family moved around so much.
Joanie was the first girlfriend I ever had.
And she betrayed me.
It took me a long time to trust anybody after that.
Honey Betrayed you? She didn't even have the nerve to tell me herself.
I had to hear it from Alice the crossing guard.
Look, it was high school.
It was a long time ago.
People change.
I know.
Believe it or not, in high school, I was obnoxious.
So you think that I should just forgive and forget? Yes.
Forgive and forget.
It was 20 years ago.
The way I look at it, Joanie did you a big favor.
How's that? Well, she married Jack, who's probably fat and bald, and you ended up marrying the manliest man in Michigan.
That's true.
Yeah.
We'll have a good time.
Jack.
Jill! went up the hill.
You look great! So do you.
Really great.
Oh, Jack, this is my husband, um Tim.
Nice to meet you.
Good to meet you, Jack.
It's great to see you.
All Joanie talked about on the plane was Jill this, Jill that.
Boy, that's funny.
That's all Jill talked about - Joanie this, Joanie that.
We'd love to stay and talk, but we have to go get our room, so maybe we'll see you later.
OK, great.
Nice meeting you.
Good to meet you.
You were attracted to that? I'm sorry, but you promised me you were gonna keep the door open.
The wind blew it shut.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, right.
All those big gusts coming in from the bathroom? I don't think so.
All right, come on.
Ashley, you sit right over here.
Bradley, you sit No, Randy, no.
No cookies before dinner.
My ankles hurt.
I can't do this.
Are you remembering to glide? Al, I'm bored.
How about I just go out for a minute? No.
No, Randy.
Remember what your mother said.
I'm not going to the stupid party.
Look, you're doing great.
Come on.
You know? There's gonna be pizza there and party favors.
You know, I remember my first pizza/skating party.
I was 32.
Al! I'm not doing this.
Glide.
(clomping) All right, come on, you guys, back to your corners.
You haven't even cracked a book.
What are you reading? Let's go.
(beeping) Aw, gee.
Randy, it's time for your antibiotics.
Randy? Randy! Randy, what are you doing? Al, I've been stuck in the house for five days.
I know, but your bronchitis is gonna flare up.
Let's go inside.
Come on.
Let's go.
Randy! Al, what happened to you? You used to be so cool.
Now you're like Mom with a beard.
Well, I'm still cool.
That's not funny.
Randy, you open this door.
What? Brad, Ashley, would you? Open this door! Open this door this moment! All right, OK, so Mark! Brad! Come on, you guys, it's cold out here.
Come on.
Let's go.
Open this door.
I'm not kidding around! Problems, temporary Taylor dad? Oh, hi, Wilson.
Hi-ho.
Listen, Wilson.
You wouldn't happen to have any extra keys, would you? Yes, indeedy.
Great.
Matter of fact, I have a whole Taylor packet.
Tim leaves it with me for all the different baby-sitters.
Here we go.
We got some Band-Aids, some gauze, handcuff keys Here we go.
House keys.
Thank you, Wilson.
Those boys are they're a handful.
They are a puckish band of rapscallions.
You know, Wilson I always pictured myself getting married and having a bustling houseful of kids.
Boy, I'm starting to reconsider.
Well, Al, I wouldn't write off parenthood entirely.
When you start off with a baby, you're a baby as a parent.
Then as the children grow up, the parent grows too, so that hopefully, when adolescence is reached, you're both ready for it.
That's a wonderful thought, Wilson.
Well, being a bachelor, it's easy to come up with these things.
But I wouldn't worry about it, Al.
I suspect that someday you'll make an excellent parent.
You really think I'd make a good parent? Certainly.
I've seen the way you take care of Tim.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It doesn't look that bad.
You might as well have worn your pajamas.
Stop, stop, stop.
You're makin' it worse.
Why Why did you wait so long to take it out of the pouch? It'll be OK if you just leave it alone, all right? Needs air.
It just needs to breathe.
It needs to breathe.
It looks like it needs CPR.
Hi, Linda.
(Jill gasps) That's my old Spanish teacher, Mrs.
Grabowski.
Accent the word "old.
" Little Julie Patterson? Oh, it's Jill.
Sí.
¿Cómo está usted? Oh, it's so nice to see you.
En español, por favor.
Oh, um Señora Grabowski.
Sí.
Yo estoy bueno.
Este es mi bozo, Tim.
Esposo.
Oh, yeah.
Esposo.
Hola, Tim.
Uh fajita chimichanga.
Oh, Chris Keller! ¿Cómo está usted? Jill, Tim, I hope you don't mind.
We had 'em make a switch so we could sit at the same table.
(with false enthusiasm) The same table.
We were gonna just take our food to go.
I'm being supportive.
No, it's OK.
Let's sit.
Hi.
I'd like to welcome the Class of Adams High 1973 to the (feedback) Uh, we seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties.
(feedback) Jack.
You said you fixed this thing.
I thought I got the kinks out of that thing.
Um don't mind me, but you probably have a ground-loop problem between the amp and mixer.
You know about this stuff? Yeah, a little bit.
Check it out with me? I could do that.
Thanks.
Jack needs some help.
It's OK.
Go ahead.
Excuse me.
Everyone just have a good time.
Jack thinks he's so handy, but basically he screws up everything he touches.
It must be awful to be married to a man like that.
So So You look really great.
Really.
You too.
Really great.
So, um where are you living now? Detroit.
I work for a magazine there.
Great.
We're in San Francisco.
Tim seems he seems very nice.
Suit in a pouch? Exactly.
How long have you been married? Oh.
Um almost 16 years.
And the sparks are still there.
Do you have any kids? Yeah, we have three boys.
Three Oh, my Do you have pictures? I would love to see them.
OK.
Um Let's see.
There.
(gasps) Oh, they're so cute! Look at them! They're darling! Who's the guy behind the fence? You can't see his face.
Oh, that's Wilson.
That's our neighbor.
They're just adorable.
Um, these are mine.
Oh, she is beautiful.
Thank you.
Gosh.
They seem so grown-up.
Yeah, uh Katie is 16 and Jack Junior is 20.
Yeah.
Uh when we graduated What? I was two months pregnant.
I I don't know what to say.
I just can't believe that I never heard about that.
Jill, nobody ever heard about that.
We never meant for it to happen that way.
Jack and I fell in love and I never knew how to tell you.
Well, yeah.
I mean, I can see how it would have been hard to call me and say, "Guess what.
I'm in love with your boyfriend and I'm having his baby.
" I never could find that appropriate greeting card.
Ouch! This must have been just awful for you.
I wish that you would have told me.
How You wouldn't even talk How could I tell you? You were so angry about Jack.
You were furious, remember? Yes, I was, I was.
I was very angry about Jack.
But I think No, I know that I would have been there for you.
I really loved you.
You were my best friend.
Please.
Some best friend.
I took your boyfriend away.
As bad as that felt, in the long run it felt worse losing you.
You know, I've wanted to call you, like, a thousand times.
I wish that you would have.
I really missed you.
I missed you too.
No cause for alarm, but I think we'll have to exit the building quasi-quickly.
Este move-a-butt-a-now-a! Go.
Back door.
¡Fuego! Thank you for coming.
It turned out to be such a great night.
Well, the best part is that you and Joanie are friends again.
And you know what? When I was at the fire department with Jack, we got to talking.
He's a terrific guy.
Yeah, I always thought so.
Let me ask you a question.
If Joanie hadn't stolen him out from under you, would you have married him? No, I don't think so.
I like being the good-looking one in the relationship.
(director) Five, four, three, two (Brad) Al, we weren't doing anything.
(Al) No, I'm Ooh.
You catch something? (Ashley) I don't know.
I got caught in that.
(Brad) Clear.
(director) Here we go.
OK, guys?