The King of Queens s03e11 Episode Script
Better Camera
Hey, how you doing? Fine.
Thanks.
I'm Lou.
I just moved in next door.
So you did? Excuse me! [Door bangs.]
(Arthur) Hey, you're not gonna believe who's outside.
Lou ferrigno.
(Doug) Ferrigno, get out of here.
I'm telling you it's him.
The incredible hulk.
He just moved in next door.
(Carrie) You're crazy.
I was just-- I was just looking for something.
Oh! Here it is.
Great! Got it.
[Door bangs.]
Hey! Hey! Oh! Everything looks good in here.
Sanitation! My eyes are gettin' weary my back is gettin' tight I'm sittin' here in traffic on the queensboro bridge tonight but I don't care, 'cause all I want to do is cash my check and drive right home to you 'cause, baby, all my life I will be drivin' home to you (Salesman) Hi, guys.
Merry Christmas.
Can I help you with something? I've got great deals here.
Oh, yeah, actually I'm looking for a gift for the wifey.
Could I see those 2 cameras right there? These are both excellent.
I have them both at home.
Does, uh, this one have a zoom? Yes, it does.
But it doesn't say zoom on the sticker.
Then it doesn't have it.
So, can I ring you up? Hang on a sec.
Deac? W-what do you think of this one? It's nice.
Hey, maybe I could buy Kelly one, too.
Whoa! 80 bucks! I can't do that man.
She loses everything.
Ok.
I can do $40.
I'm gonna go for this one.
Oh.
Well, thank you for making my camera look that much better.
And thank you for making me look great whenever we walk down the street together.
Ok, I was just kidding and you went to a really dark place.
Hey, Arthur.
Douglas.
Tell me if this sounds repetitive.
"Dear Mr.
ferrigno.
"I thought your work on the incredible hulk was in a word, incredible.
" Why are you writing him a letter? It's going with my screen play.
I think Lou ferrigno is just the man to get it produced.
Oh, Arthur.
Not the screen play again.
Don't give it to him.
Just don't.
Why not? He's our neighbor.
I don't want him to think we're freaks.
Oh! And I suppose Mr.
Gary sinise thought I was a freak when I gave him a copy.
You threw it at him on the subway, and yes! Listen, once word gets out that Lou ferrigno lives here, he'll have 50 scripts on his doorstep.
I'm gonna make sure the first script in that pile is "reconsidering Sandy.
" The title doesn't even make sense.
I--I read it and there's no one in there named Sandy.
You obviously don't understand how the business works.
Hey.
Hey, hon.
You know, how come you never greet me at the door naked like the other wives? What other wives? I don't know.
You read about them.
I'll get on that.
Ok, almost done with my shopping.
I've just gotta get something for Kelly.
Hey, who couldn't use a toad's umbrella.
Hmm? No, it has to be nice.
Last year she got us those crystal candlesticks, and we got her toilet paper that looks like money.
Speaking of gifts, I got you a gift today that's gonna make you one happy lady.
Really? What is it? Oh, no, I'll never tell.
Come on, what is it? No, it's a surprise, but I will say this: It's really, really nice.
All right, give me a clue.
Ah, ok.
Well, it's about big-- oh! Is it a camera? Damn it! How did you get camera from this? Well, you kind of held it up to your face, and I think you made a snapping motion.
You couldn't just leave it alone, could you? You had to ask for a clue? Did I know you were gonna mime taking a picture? So what do we do? Do I give it to you now or do.
We wait till Christmas? Well, if you give it to me now, I could actually take pictures during Christmas.
Like I could bring it to my office holiday party.
I guess.
And I could take a picture of you doing your traditional Santa-stuck-in- the-fireplace gag.
That should be captured on film, yes.
Wait here.
It's in the closet.
[Announcer speaking on t.
V.
.]
You turned on the t.
V.
I'm giving you a gift! I'm sorry.
Ok.
Ok.
All right.
Well, anyways, merry Christmas.
And just remember, if we could've held out till Christmas morning, there'd be a beautiful bow on that plastic bag.
Oh, it is so nice! You like it? Yeah, I love it! I knew you'd like it, 'cause it's got a wrist strap, and you can hook it up to your belt.
And it comes with batteries.
But well, whatever, you know, whatever.
This is a great camera.
You did really good.
Thank you.
So if I guess what you got me, can I get it now? Ok.
A snow saucer? Sure I can't get you anything, Lou? Some vanilla wafers? No, thank you.
We have some very nice popsicles if you're looking for something light.
That's all right.
So, let's talk Turkey.
What are we thinking? Do we like? Well, Arthur, I have read reconsidering Sandy, and to be honest with you, I was pretty confused.
Confused about what? Well, first of all, there are 3 different characters named Mike.
Let me ask you a question, Lou.
Have you ever met anyone else named Lou? Well, yes.
Slice of life, my friend.
I just writes it the way I sees it.
So, what's the next step? Can you get us a meeting at the William Morris office? I don't think so.
[Grunts.]
Ho, ho, ho.
I get it.
I understand your problem.
Look.
Even though you're not right for the lead character of smithy, don't worry, I have a very nice part in mind for you.
Henchman number 2.
That's another thing.
There is no henchman number 1.
Oh, hi, Lou! How are you? Good.
So, how're you liking the neighborhood? It's great.
I grew up around here.
Great to be back.
Uh-huh? Um, is he bothering you? Darling, can't you see I'm in a business meeting here.
Excuse me.
Good lord! Did you see what's going on in there? Yeah, I see it.
I went in there for a ringding, and your father ran at me like a badger.
Today was gift day at work.
Check it out.
Hot ziggity! You hit the mother lode! What do we get going on here, huh? Well, we've got some wine, got a basket of, uh, soaps and skin creams from one of the partners, um, some home made biscotti.
Home made? Cheapo! [Giggles.]
Oh, I didn't even open this one.
This one's from pruzan.
He just made partner.
He gave one of these to all the secretaries.
What is it? I don't know, I don't know! It's another camera.
It's a small one isn't it? It's like a key chain one or something? I don't know.
It's called the scamp.
Which cereal box did that come out of? [Both laugh.]
Here we go all right.
Actually it's got a Panoramic setting.
That's kinda cool.
Does it? And it takes this new kind of film, I guess it just.
Pops right in there and.
Oh, my God! It's already winding.
Wow, you can hook it up to a computer.
Huh! [Exclaims.]
But--but the one you got me is totally, you know Totally what? Well, you know, yours has a whole The strap thing.
You know what you got here? You got yourself a better camera.
No, come on.
No, we're better.
Who's to say better, huh? We're taking pictures of the same thing.
Doesn't make the people look any better, right? Actually this scamp can backlight you like an angel.
Come on, don't be ridiculous.
I love your camera, and I'm taking your camera to my office party tomorrow night, ok? Honey? All right.
Ok.
Darling, I'm losing Lou here.
Would you mind making him up a 12 egg omelet? (Carrie) Ok.
Time to party on now with the same people I see Thank you so much for my scamp.
I just love it.
It's just so cool! It was so above and beyond.
Hey, it's a great little camera for a great little worker.
Ok, here we go.
Now let's take some pictures with your great camera, huh? Ok.
Ok.
Right here, we'll just load in some film.
Ok.
Ok.
Here we go.
Easy as pie.
Ok.
Ow! Ok.
That pinched a little bit.
Yeah.
We've got to wind the wheels up on the sprocket thing.
Ok good.
Finito.
All right.
Good.
That was easy.
Ok.
Ok.
Hey, Carrie! Oh, hi, Amy! Doug, you remember Amy? Oh, sure.
Hi, how are you? Hi.
So I just loaded up some film.
I'm gonna get a shot of you two, all right? Ok.
All right.
(Carrie) Ok, here we go actually, you know what, I'm looking for the flash thing.
You should have bought your scamp.
It's totally intuitive.
Oh, yeah, Doug got me this great camera.
I-I'm gonna use this.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Ok.
It's, uh-- it just has to-- just has to warm up.
[Camera whirring.]
Still warming up? Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, holidays! Ok.
Ok, it's ready.
Here we go.
Hey you guys, you mind if we jump in? Oh, sure.
Ok, here we go.
Ok.
All right.
I'm gonna want a copy of this one.
[Carrie giggles.]
Ok.
Make sure you get the Christmas tree.
Uh, I don't think I can fit all that in there.
You know what, everybody squish.
Uh, squish some more.
Push your scamp.
It's got that awesome panoramic setting.
(Carrie) Ah.
No, I got this.
This one--this one's great.
Ok, here we go.
Amy, I'm only getting half your face, honey.
Everybody can fit a lot better without me in there, ok? I'm gonna go grab some food.
Ok, you know what, everybody just hang on one second.
Ok, here we go, panoramic setting.
And everybody say, "candy king.
" Ok.
(All) Candy king.
Oh, my God.
You brought your scamp? No.
What is this? You know what? Just do me a favor, ok? Return the camera I bought you.
[Stuttering.]
Ok, ok, you know what happened, I must have put this in my purse.
And then I forgot-- Carrie.
Take the picture with the camera you love.
I have no idea what this is, I really don't.
Let me check it out here.
Oh, the titleis 3 wood.
Thank you.
This is great.
Douglas, smile and hold it up.
God, this thing is a joy to use.
Honey, you sure you're ok with this whole camera thing? Yeah, yeah, I know I got nutty at the party the other night, but I don't know, why shouldn't you keep the better camera, right? Plus, bonus, gave me a chance to get you an even better gift.
[Doorbell ringing.]
Oh, that's probably Lou.
I asked him to stop by.
You two, just sit, watch and learn.
Lou.
Hi glad you could stop by.
Thank you.
I have a present for you.
Arthur, the cheese wheel was plenty.
Go ahead.
Open it.
Oh, the screenplay.
My revised screenplay.
You'll notice the lead character, smithy, is now a 250 pound weight lifter.
You played your hand well, Mr.
ferrigno.
Arthur, I really can't do anything with this script.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Have a nice holiday.
Ladies The game continues.
Come on.
Ok.
Ok, ok, ok.
[Humming.]
Aha.
Wow.
Giraffes! That is great.
Yeah.
Because giraffe's your favorite animal.
Your boss's not going to be giving you that, eh? No, he won't.
So, you like it? I love it.
So, try it on? Honey, I love this camera.
What a great gift! Thank you.
Yeah, well.
I thought you might like it.
It's another one for me.
This one's from Doug and Carrie.
It's another camera.
What? This is a really nice one.
It's in a box.
Yours came in plastic.
Wait a second.
This is the same camera Doug gave to Carrie.
She turned around and gave it to you.
What? How do you know? Because Doug and I went out to buy cameras together.
Look.
The film's already in it.
And they took a picture-- wait, wait, wait.
You were at the store with Doug and then you saw him buy a better camera for Carrie and then you bought me this one.
You lose cameras.
[Knocking on door.]
Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas.
Hi.
Hi, baby.
These are for you.
Thank you.
And I think, there might be a few things for you under there.
By the way, did I just see Arnold Schwarzenegger shoveling snow next door? Lou ferrigno.
[Exclaims.]
So, we missed you this morning.
Oh, I know, I'm sorry.
I had a date.
On Christmas morning? Yeah, it was with this jewish guy.
It was like the only time he was free.
It doesn't matter.
He didn't like me because I'm not jewish.
So you got any other gifts? I--I got this from Doug.
Oh, my lord, what are those? Giraffes? It's like a car crash.
It's hard to look at.
Yet I can't look away.
Not over yet.
Ooh, big one! I--I can't believe he got you this.
Mmm-hmm.
W-what is he, mad at you about something? Actually, you know what, he was mad at me.
But then he said everything was fine.
Oh, he was.
Oh.
I--I just meant it as a joke.
Maybe this sweater was meant to send a message.
So what time are Deacon and Kelly coming over? They should be here any minute.
I got to hurry up.
What are we eating? A Christmas goose? I got chicken.
Damn! I could really go for goose, or a tray of brownies.
You're not gonna wear your giraffe sweater? Um, actually, I was gonna wear this.
Because-- come on, babe, here.
Put on the giraffe sweater.
This will be great.
I think that would really look good with those pants, too.
Black goes with everything.
Honey.
Um, are you sure you're not some mad about this whole camera thing? Not at all.
Are you sure? Because--because you do this sometimes.
You--you bottle things up, and then sometimes they come out in these little hostile ways.
What--what do you mean? Wait a second.
You don't like the sweater? Uh, well, I-- you think the giraffe sweater was hostile? [Stuttering.]
You tell me.
You think I bought you a bad sweater on purpose because I'm still upset about a camera? Like my sweater's so ugly, it could've only been bought as a joke? Wow! Oh, my God! A beautiful giraffe sweater, a joke? All right.
Come on, come on, come on.
Look at my closet.
You could see why, maybe I would wonder why giraffes.
You said that were your favorite animal.
At the zoo.
That doesn't mean I wanna be one.
You know what, I'm sorry I bought you a great camera and what I thought was a great sweater.
Obviously, I bombed again.
No, no, Doug, listen to me.
I'm sorry.
I take it back.
I love this sweater.
You know what, I'm gonna put it on.
No, no, now you're not allowed to.
You know what, I may not have great taste, but I got great Christmas spirit [doorbell ringing.]
Which is more than I can say for you.
I'm going down to greet our guests now.
Felice navidad.
Come on, kel.
Remember when you lost those ray-bans.
You told me I should only buy you cheap stuff.
Well, I guess you took that to heart.
I love giraffes.
Wearing this makes me feel closer to them.
The more you talk, the more I hate.
(All) Hey, merry Christmas.
Here's a mud cake.
Oh, what are those? Poppy seeds? Mmm-hmm.
Don't you hate the way they get stuck in your teeth? Come in.
Yes.
Right.
Why do you have giraffes on your sweater? Well, because they're tall and spotted and just so darn fun.
Thanks a lot.
What's the matter? Why did you give the better camera to Kelly when you know I bought her one? What better camera? The one you bought when we went to the store.
You know I bought her a piece of crap.
I'll be right back.
You gave my camera to Kelly? They know? He was with me when I bought it for you.
Well, you told me to get rid of it.
I said return it.
Now Deacon's mad at me because he bought a less nice camera for Kelly.
This camera has bitten me in the ass twice.
I'm out of ass cheeks.
[Doorbell rings.]
Hi, is Arthur here? Yeah, hold on.
Yo, Doug.
There's someone here looking for Arthur.
Hey.
Aren't you-- yes.
Lou, what a surprise.
Would you like some chicken? I know how you, weight lifters, like your chicken.
How did you get your script into my bathroom? Pretty clever, huh? If you're like me, you'll do most of your reading in the John.
So you broke into my house? I thought you'd like my moxie.
Apologize to them.
It's not all my fault.
Kelly, honey, I barely used the camera.
Why did you say anything to them? I didn't know he was gonna go back and tell her.
So, Lou, what do you say? Look, I just moved in.
I have a million things to do.
I haven't even finished unpacking.
Come on, let's read a scene together.
It'll come alive for you.
Would you stop it? Oh God! Look.
I'm sorry, uh It's Christmas.
We shouldn't be fighting.
Here, let me have that.
I-I'll read it.
Have a nice holiday.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Everyone, Lou ferrigno's right.
We shouldn't be fighting.
It's Christmas.
We're getting all worked up over presents.
I'm sorry, baby.
Me, too.
All right, come on.
Sit, sit, sit.
[Sighs.]
Doug.
I love this sweater.
I do.
'Cause you know why? Because you gave it to me and I love you.
Thank you.
I love you, too.
Thank you for my golf club.
This looks great and tastes wonderful.
[All chattering.]
So I guess I'm getting the snow saucer for my birthday? You ridin' high now, big man.
We'll see you again on your way back down.
Thanks.
I'm Lou.
I just moved in next door.
So you did? Excuse me! [Door bangs.]
(Arthur) Hey, you're not gonna believe who's outside.
Lou ferrigno.
(Doug) Ferrigno, get out of here.
I'm telling you it's him.
The incredible hulk.
He just moved in next door.
(Carrie) You're crazy.
I was just-- I was just looking for something.
Oh! Here it is.
Great! Got it.
[Door bangs.]
Hey! Hey! Oh! Everything looks good in here.
Sanitation! My eyes are gettin' weary my back is gettin' tight I'm sittin' here in traffic on the queensboro bridge tonight but I don't care, 'cause all I want to do is cash my check and drive right home to you 'cause, baby, all my life I will be drivin' home to you (Salesman) Hi, guys.
Merry Christmas.
Can I help you with something? I've got great deals here.
Oh, yeah, actually I'm looking for a gift for the wifey.
Could I see those 2 cameras right there? These are both excellent.
I have them both at home.
Does, uh, this one have a zoom? Yes, it does.
But it doesn't say zoom on the sticker.
Then it doesn't have it.
So, can I ring you up? Hang on a sec.
Deac? W-what do you think of this one? It's nice.
Hey, maybe I could buy Kelly one, too.
Whoa! 80 bucks! I can't do that man.
She loses everything.
Ok.
I can do $40.
I'm gonna go for this one.
Oh.
Well, thank you for making my camera look that much better.
And thank you for making me look great whenever we walk down the street together.
Ok, I was just kidding and you went to a really dark place.
Hey, Arthur.
Douglas.
Tell me if this sounds repetitive.
"Dear Mr.
ferrigno.
"I thought your work on the incredible hulk was in a word, incredible.
" Why are you writing him a letter? It's going with my screen play.
I think Lou ferrigno is just the man to get it produced.
Oh, Arthur.
Not the screen play again.
Don't give it to him.
Just don't.
Why not? He's our neighbor.
I don't want him to think we're freaks.
Oh! And I suppose Mr.
Gary sinise thought I was a freak when I gave him a copy.
You threw it at him on the subway, and yes! Listen, once word gets out that Lou ferrigno lives here, he'll have 50 scripts on his doorstep.
I'm gonna make sure the first script in that pile is "reconsidering Sandy.
" The title doesn't even make sense.
I--I read it and there's no one in there named Sandy.
You obviously don't understand how the business works.
Hey.
Hey, hon.
You know, how come you never greet me at the door naked like the other wives? What other wives? I don't know.
You read about them.
I'll get on that.
Ok, almost done with my shopping.
I've just gotta get something for Kelly.
Hey, who couldn't use a toad's umbrella.
Hmm? No, it has to be nice.
Last year she got us those crystal candlesticks, and we got her toilet paper that looks like money.
Speaking of gifts, I got you a gift today that's gonna make you one happy lady.
Really? What is it? Oh, no, I'll never tell.
Come on, what is it? No, it's a surprise, but I will say this: It's really, really nice.
All right, give me a clue.
Ah, ok.
Well, it's about big-- oh! Is it a camera? Damn it! How did you get camera from this? Well, you kind of held it up to your face, and I think you made a snapping motion.
You couldn't just leave it alone, could you? You had to ask for a clue? Did I know you were gonna mime taking a picture? So what do we do? Do I give it to you now or do.
We wait till Christmas? Well, if you give it to me now, I could actually take pictures during Christmas.
Like I could bring it to my office holiday party.
I guess.
And I could take a picture of you doing your traditional Santa-stuck-in- the-fireplace gag.
That should be captured on film, yes.
Wait here.
It's in the closet.
[Announcer speaking on t.
V.
.]
You turned on the t.
V.
I'm giving you a gift! I'm sorry.
Ok.
Ok.
All right.
Well, anyways, merry Christmas.
And just remember, if we could've held out till Christmas morning, there'd be a beautiful bow on that plastic bag.
Oh, it is so nice! You like it? Yeah, I love it! I knew you'd like it, 'cause it's got a wrist strap, and you can hook it up to your belt.
And it comes with batteries.
But well, whatever, you know, whatever.
This is a great camera.
You did really good.
Thank you.
So if I guess what you got me, can I get it now? Ok.
A snow saucer? Sure I can't get you anything, Lou? Some vanilla wafers? No, thank you.
We have some very nice popsicles if you're looking for something light.
That's all right.
So, let's talk Turkey.
What are we thinking? Do we like? Well, Arthur, I have read reconsidering Sandy, and to be honest with you, I was pretty confused.
Confused about what? Well, first of all, there are 3 different characters named Mike.
Let me ask you a question, Lou.
Have you ever met anyone else named Lou? Well, yes.
Slice of life, my friend.
I just writes it the way I sees it.
So, what's the next step? Can you get us a meeting at the William Morris office? I don't think so.
[Grunts.]
Ho, ho, ho.
I get it.
I understand your problem.
Look.
Even though you're not right for the lead character of smithy, don't worry, I have a very nice part in mind for you.
Henchman number 2.
That's another thing.
There is no henchman number 1.
Oh, hi, Lou! How are you? Good.
So, how're you liking the neighborhood? It's great.
I grew up around here.
Great to be back.
Uh-huh? Um, is he bothering you? Darling, can't you see I'm in a business meeting here.
Excuse me.
Good lord! Did you see what's going on in there? Yeah, I see it.
I went in there for a ringding, and your father ran at me like a badger.
Today was gift day at work.
Check it out.
Hot ziggity! You hit the mother lode! What do we get going on here, huh? Well, we've got some wine, got a basket of, uh, soaps and skin creams from one of the partners, um, some home made biscotti.
Home made? Cheapo! [Giggles.]
Oh, I didn't even open this one.
This one's from pruzan.
He just made partner.
He gave one of these to all the secretaries.
What is it? I don't know, I don't know! It's another camera.
It's a small one isn't it? It's like a key chain one or something? I don't know.
It's called the scamp.
Which cereal box did that come out of? [Both laugh.]
Here we go all right.
Actually it's got a Panoramic setting.
That's kinda cool.
Does it? And it takes this new kind of film, I guess it just.
Pops right in there and.
Oh, my God! It's already winding.
Wow, you can hook it up to a computer.
Huh! [Exclaims.]
But--but the one you got me is totally, you know Totally what? Well, you know, yours has a whole The strap thing.
You know what you got here? You got yourself a better camera.
No, come on.
No, we're better.
Who's to say better, huh? We're taking pictures of the same thing.
Doesn't make the people look any better, right? Actually this scamp can backlight you like an angel.
Come on, don't be ridiculous.
I love your camera, and I'm taking your camera to my office party tomorrow night, ok? Honey? All right.
Ok.
Darling, I'm losing Lou here.
Would you mind making him up a 12 egg omelet? (Carrie) Ok.
Time to party on now with the same people I see Thank you so much for my scamp.
I just love it.
It's just so cool! It was so above and beyond.
Hey, it's a great little camera for a great little worker.
Ok, here we go.
Now let's take some pictures with your great camera, huh? Ok.
Ok.
Right here, we'll just load in some film.
Ok.
Ok.
Here we go.
Easy as pie.
Ok.
Ow! Ok.
That pinched a little bit.
Yeah.
We've got to wind the wheels up on the sprocket thing.
Ok good.
Finito.
All right.
Good.
That was easy.
Ok.
Ok.
Hey, Carrie! Oh, hi, Amy! Doug, you remember Amy? Oh, sure.
Hi, how are you? Hi.
So I just loaded up some film.
I'm gonna get a shot of you two, all right? Ok.
All right.
(Carrie) Ok, here we go actually, you know what, I'm looking for the flash thing.
You should have bought your scamp.
It's totally intuitive.
Oh, yeah, Doug got me this great camera.
I-I'm gonna use this.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Ok.
It's, uh-- it just has to-- just has to warm up.
[Camera whirring.]
Still warming up? Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, holidays! Ok.
Ok, it's ready.
Here we go.
Hey you guys, you mind if we jump in? Oh, sure.
Ok, here we go.
Ok.
All right.
I'm gonna want a copy of this one.
[Carrie giggles.]
Ok.
Make sure you get the Christmas tree.
Uh, I don't think I can fit all that in there.
You know what, everybody squish.
Uh, squish some more.
Push your scamp.
It's got that awesome panoramic setting.
(Carrie) Ah.
No, I got this.
This one--this one's great.
Ok, here we go.
Amy, I'm only getting half your face, honey.
Everybody can fit a lot better without me in there, ok? I'm gonna go grab some food.
Ok, you know what, everybody just hang on one second.
Ok, here we go, panoramic setting.
And everybody say, "candy king.
" Ok.
(All) Candy king.
Oh, my God.
You brought your scamp? No.
What is this? You know what? Just do me a favor, ok? Return the camera I bought you.
[Stuttering.]
Ok, ok, you know what happened, I must have put this in my purse.
And then I forgot-- Carrie.
Take the picture with the camera you love.
I have no idea what this is, I really don't.
Let me check it out here.
Oh, the titleis 3 wood.
Thank you.
This is great.
Douglas, smile and hold it up.
God, this thing is a joy to use.
Honey, you sure you're ok with this whole camera thing? Yeah, yeah, I know I got nutty at the party the other night, but I don't know, why shouldn't you keep the better camera, right? Plus, bonus, gave me a chance to get you an even better gift.
[Doorbell ringing.]
Oh, that's probably Lou.
I asked him to stop by.
You two, just sit, watch and learn.
Lou.
Hi glad you could stop by.
Thank you.
I have a present for you.
Arthur, the cheese wheel was plenty.
Go ahead.
Open it.
Oh, the screenplay.
My revised screenplay.
You'll notice the lead character, smithy, is now a 250 pound weight lifter.
You played your hand well, Mr.
ferrigno.
Arthur, I really can't do anything with this script.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Have a nice holiday.
Ladies The game continues.
Come on.
Ok.
Ok, ok, ok.
[Humming.]
Aha.
Wow.
Giraffes! That is great.
Yeah.
Because giraffe's your favorite animal.
Your boss's not going to be giving you that, eh? No, he won't.
So, you like it? I love it.
So, try it on? Honey, I love this camera.
What a great gift! Thank you.
Yeah, well.
I thought you might like it.
It's another one for me.
This one's from Doug and Carrie.
It's another camera.
What? This is a really nice one.
It's in a box.
Yours came in plastic.
Wait a second.
This is the same camera Doug gave to Carrie.
She turned around and gave it to you.
What? How do you know? Because Doug and I went out to buy cameras together.
Look.
The film's already in it.
And they took a picture-- wait, wait, wait.
You were at the store with Doug and then you saw him buy a better camera for Carrie and then you bought me this one.
You lose cameras.
[Knocking on door.]
Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas.
Hi.
Hi, baby.
These are for you.
Thank you.
And I think, there might be a few things for you under there.
By the way, did I just see Arnold Schwarzenegger shoveling snow next door? Lou ferrigno.
[Exclaims.]
So, we missed you this morning.
Oh, I know, I'm sorry.
I had a date.
On Christmas morning? Yeah, it was with this jewish guy.
It was like the only time he was free.
It doesn't matter.
He didn't like me because I'm not jewish.
So you got any other gifts? I--I got this from Doug.
Oh, my lord, what are those? Giraffes? It's like a car crash.
It's hard to look at.
Yet I can't look away.
Not over yet.
Ooh, big one! I--I can't believe he got you this.
Mmm-hmm.
W-what is he, mad at you about something? Actually, you know what, he was mad at me.
But then he said everything was fine.
Oh, he was.
Oh.
I--I just meant it as a joke.
Maybe this sweater was meant to send a message.
So what time are Deacon and Kelly coming over? They should be here any minute.
I got to hurry up.
What are we eating? A Christmas goose? I got chicken.
Damn! I could really go for goose, or a tray of brownies.
You're not gonna wear your giraffe sweater? Um, actually, I was gonna wear this.
Because-- come on, babe, here.
Put on the giraffe sweater.
This will be great.
I think that would really look good with those pants, too.
Black goes with everything.
Honey.
Um, are you sure you're not some mad about this whole camera thing? Not at all.
Are you sure? Because--because you do this sometimes.
You--you bottle things up, and then sometimes they come out in these little hostile ways.
What--what do you mean? Wait a second.
You don't like the sweater? Uh, well, I-- you think the giraffe sweater was hostile? [Stuttering.]
You tell me.
You think I bought you a bad sweater on purpose because I'm still upset about a camera? Like my sweater's so ugly, it could've only been bought as a joke? Wow! Oh, my God! A beautiful giraffe sweater, a joke? All right.
Come on, come on, come on.
Look at my closet.
You could see why, maybe I would wonder why giraffes.
You said that were your favorite animal.
At the zoo.
That doesn't mean I wanna be one.
You know what, I'm sorry I bought you a great camera and what I thought was a great sweater.
Obviously, I bombed again.
No, no, Doug, listen to me.
I'm sorry.
I take it back.
I love this sweater.
You know what, I'm gonna put it on.
No, no, now you're not allowed to.
You know what, I may not have great taste, but I got great Christmas spirit [doorbell ringing.]
Which is more than I can say for you.
I'm going down to greet our guests now.
Felice navidad.
Come on, kel.
Remember when you lost those ray-bans.
You told me I should only buy you cheap stuff.
Well, I guess you took that to heart.
I love giraffes.
Wearing this makes me feel closer to them.
The more you talk, the more I hate.
(All) Hey, merry Christmas.
Here's a mud cake.
Oh, what are those? Poppy seeds? Mmm-hmm.
Don't you hate the way they get stuck in your teeth? Come in.
Yes.
Right.
Why do you have giraffes on your sweater? Well, because they're tall and spotted and just so darn fun.
Thanks a lot.
What's the matter? Why did you give the better camera to Kelly when you know I bought her one? What better camera? The one you bought when we went to the store.
You know I bought her a piece of crap.
I'll be right back.
You gave my camera to Kelly? They know? He was with me when I bought it for you.
Well, you told me to get rid of it.
I said return it.
Now Deacon's mad at me because he bought a less nice camera for Kelly.
This camera has bitten me in the ass twice.
I'm out of ass cheeks.
[Doorbell rings.]
Hi, is Arthur here? Yeah, hold on.
Yo, Doug.
There's someone here looking for Arthur.
Hey.
Aren't you-- yes.
Lou, what a surprise.
Would you like some chicken? I know how you, weight lifters, like your chicken.
How did you get your script into my bathroom? Pretty clever, huh? If you're like me, you'll do most of your reading in the John.
So you broke into my house? I thought you'd like my moxie.
Apologize to them.
It's not all my fault.
Kelly, honey, I barely used the camera.
Why did you say anything to them? I didn't know he was gonna go back and tell her.
So, Lou, what do you say? Look, I just moved in.
I have a million things to do.
I haven't even finished unpacking.
Come on, let's read a scene together.
It'll come alive for you.
Would you stop it? Oh God! Look.
I'm sorry, uh It's Christmas.
We shouldn't be fighting.
Here, let me have that.
I-I'll read it.
Have a nice holiday.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Everyone, Lou ferrigno's right.
We shouldn't be fighting.
It's Christmas.
We're getting all worked up over presents.
I'm sorry, baby.
Me, too.
All right, come on.
Sit, sit, sit.
[Sighs.]
Doug.
I love this sweater.
I do.
'Cause you know why? Because you gave it to me and I love you.
Thank you.
I love you, too.
Thank you for my golf club.
This looks great and tastes wonderful.
[All chattering.]
So I guess I'm getting the snow saucer for my birthday? You ridin' high now, big man.
We'll see you again on your way back down.