House, M.D. s04e01 Episode Script

Yeah, I said I'm sorry.
I'm just not feeling too hot.
You're sneezing.
You could do that in a movie theater.
Yeah, and I'll be in a nice soft chair when I collapse.
I'm exhausted, babe.
Oh, come on.
We're gonna be late.
Episode Four never comes to the big screen.
This is the pre-Lucasized version, remember? None of that Greedo shooting first crap.
Go without me.
What are you talking about? You love Star Wars.
Don't you? Ben? Since when? Since just before I started pretending I loved it.
I'm sorry.
I was just trying to be supportive.
Fine.
I'll go alone.
Baby, I'm sorry.
Me, too.
I'm so woozy I can hardly think.
We'll hang out at home.
No, you should go.
Did you just feel something? Feel? Like what? Is there an earthquake? In New Jersey? Oh, God.
What? I think I'm, like, hallucinating.
Call 911.
Twenty-six year old female, gas main exploded under her building, she was pulled out of the rubble after six hours.
Two surgeries for multiple fractures and burns.
I'm thinking the broken bones are a response to the building falling on her head.
And the fever? She's the only collapse victim whose body temperature was Put her on antipyretics.
Already have.
The fever is holding at 104.
Fluctuating consciousness.
Can't take the case.
I don't have a team.
So hire a team.
What for? I don't have a case.
Have you even interviewed anybody? You test-drive a car before you buy it.
You have sex before you get married.
I can't hire a team based on a 10-minute interview.
What if I don't like having sex with them? You've spent the last two weeks doing absolutely nothing.
Concert is over.
In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two-handed arpeggio technique count as "absolutely nothing"? Take the case, or you will spend the next month helping the collapse team change bandages.
I diagnose her alone, by the end of the day, you go away for a week.
Done.
It's not gonna work.
If he solves the case, we cure the girl.
And prove he doesn't need a team.
He's not gonna solve the case.
Not that fast.
Why not? Because he needs a team.
And this will prove to him Wanna change his mind about something? You need a more convincing argument than "you promised.
" Fever? Non-responsive to antibiotics, antipyretics.
Fluctuating consciousness.
Go! You talking to me? Yes.
Imagine that the roof of the storage closet collapses on your favorite floor buffer, which then starts overheating.
Why would I have a favorite floor buffer? Okay.
Maybe the electrical works got banged up in there from stuff falling on it? Hmm.
Interesting.
Brain damage, leading to hypothalamic dysregulation.
Nah.
If you're brought in covered in rubble, it's all about the MRls.
We'd have seen that.
Come on! Gotta earn that fiver.
Or stuff leaked in the holes, messing it up.
Lacerations lead to multiple portals for infection.
Bacterial would have responded to the antibiotics.
It's too high for viral.
Parasites or fungus is possible.
Or maybe lupus? My grandma has lupus.
Okay.
Auto immune, I'll run a lupus panel.
Infection fits best.
A complete history would be helpful, which leads to the worst part of the job, dealing with the floor buffer's family.
We talked every couple of weeks.
But Ben would know better than I.
No farms, no travel anywhere weird.
You get that, Dr.
Buffer? No travel, no farm.
The file says she was sick before the building collapsed.
Yeah, I figured it was just a cold.
Why, do you think it's related? Her being sick and her being sick? Often is.
She was unconscious when I found her.
We'd been fighting.
I just want to Just tell me she's gonna be okay.
I'm not even sure if you're gonna be okay.
We're gonna make her all better.
Show off.
You ought to be nicer to people.
Where are we going? You know how the laughter of little children is infectious? Well, parasites and fungi are even more so.
We're gonna find out which one is making her brain bubble over.
Where, the building? EPA's doing that job for us, they say it's clean.
Which means we're making a pilgrimage to Castle Blackberry.
Her name's Bradberry.
I should've asked them for keys.
No need, I'm sure we can find a large rock somewhere.
I'm not breaking into somebody's house.
I got principles.
I got some loose change here says you don't.
I'm not doing this for less than $50.
Where's the restaurant? What restaurant? The one you said you were taking me to for lunch? Oh! Uh This one's homier.
Dibs on the cold pizza! I'm sure it looked easier on YouTube.
Oops! Yeah.
You don't need a team.
You can't even get arrested without company.
You're right.
Only one solution, never replace them, ever.
Do you need help? Yeah, yeah.
Patronize the poor cripple.
Ow.
Let me get that.
I got it.
Will you just let me get it? I'll check the bedroom.
There's some interesting mold on the windowsill here.
It's gonna take me a while.
I'll cover the bathroom.
She had a secret diary.
Is there any other kind? What are you doing? There's a sale on liquid Tide.
If you're broke, I could lend you a tiny bit of the money I owe you.
No, no.
I wouldn't put you in that position.
What does the diary say? Basically a list of her sexual encounters, boys, girls, vibrating appliances If it was, you'd be quoting, not summarizing.
It's just a parade of sad banalities.
"I can hardly get out of bed.
Feeling blue.
" Then, three months ago, turns into a parade of happy banalities.
"It's starting to turn the corner.
Job's looking up.
" We can stop swabbing.
Her clichés are getting healthier.
Or she's less depressed.
Aren't there pills that do that? Anti-depressants don't cause fever.
Not on their own.
But the ER didn't know she was on MAO inhibitors, so they gave her Demerol, that's a nasty combo.
So, all you have to do is convince this kid that his girlfriend had a secret doctor, and a secret stash and a secret life.
It's been a while since a patient took a swing at you.
Can I watch? I only have to convince the mother.
Actually, I don't have to convince anyone.
This is total crap.
If she was seeing a psychiatrist, I'd know.
If she was on drugs, I'd know.
Mrs.
Bradberry, please sign the forms so we can start the dialysis.
But why anti-depressants? I don't understand.
Mrs.
Bradberry, please sign the forms so we can start the dialysis.
Stop saying that.
Dr.
Buffer, what is going on? What aren't you telling us? He's a janitor? More significantly, a blabbermouth.
House, shut up.
I am very sorry how Dr.
House handled this.
It is completely unforgivable.
Except if he's right.
Dialysis will filter her blood.
There's nothing to filter.
Save her life.
She wasn't depressed.
I'm miserable around Ben.
Not me, I like Ben.
February 12th.
Either she's depressed or she just thinks you're a jerk.
Neither suggests that you should be the one directing her medical treatment.
Does the diary say my daughter's taking these drugs? No, but medically Did you find drugs in their home? She's probably hiding them in her purse.
I thought it'd be rude to go searching under a thousand tons of rubble.
This was months ago.
We were in a fight.
It doesn't mean she's depressed and it doesn't mean she doesn't love me.
Fine.
Maybe the diary proves nothing.
On the other hand, half the country's on anti-depressants and it fits her symptoms perfectly.
No ring on your daughter's finger means you make the decisions.
I'm not sure that I know her well enough anymore.
You really wanna risk her life on how well he knows her? Wilson, you idiot.
Listen carefully, and no one will get hurt.
You must follow the instructions.
Any attempt to contact the FBI or other law enforcement agencies, or Cuddy, will be met with the And a large Coke, no ice.
Give it back.
What happened? Did someone kidnap your guitar, a $12,0001967 Flying V or something? Where'd you hide it? I'm flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant.
Yeah.
It takes a It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall.
What do you want? Me? Nothing.
But I'm sure the kidnapper wants whatever a kidnapper wants.
To see you interview five to seven well-qualified fellowship candidates.
I don't need a team.
You were bouncing ideas off a janitor.
And solved the case! Hi.
I'm Dr.
Cuddy.
If you can hear what I'm saying, blink once.
You can't talk right now.
You have a tube down your throat.
And try not to move your head.
You've been in a terrible accident, but it looks like you will have no permanent injuries.
You've had a bad fever, but it's gone now.
I've been here the whole time, honey.
Okay? I'm not leaving.
This is very important.
I need you to blink one for yes, twice for no.
Were you seeing a psychiatrist? Were you on MAO inhibitors, the anti-depressant? Megan, it's okay.
It doesn't matter, okay? I love you.
Honey? Honey, what's wrong? Megan, are you all right? What's happening? Are we upsetting her? Heart is beating too fast.
Get the family out of here.
Megan? Megan! Charging to 200.
Meg.
Meg! Megan! Clear! We shocked her back into sinus rhythm, but she's still tachycardic.
Fascinating.
Equally fascinating is, why are you here? I was gonna leave you alone if you won the bet.
But you lost.
I explained the fever, which is all we were talking about.
She confirmed the anti-depressants.
Go bet with someone else if you wanna explain the heart problems.
She confirmed them by winking.
Maybe there was a cute guy across the room.
She got better when I treated her.
Even I'm not that cute.
Two unrelated symptoms.
Just a coincidence? Or you're grasping at straws to avoid admitting you can't do this on your own.
Fine.
What explains the fever and persistent tachycardia? It could be anything.
Endocarditis? No.
Fever, no infection.
Um Keep going, you're doing great.
You win.
I don't believe you.
I'm not gonna play this game.
Just give me the damn résumés.
And my guitar.
I don't have it.
Although I did hear some plangent strumming from under that couch earlier.
Wow.
This kidnapper isn't just bold.
He's diabolical.
I guess he realized he probably shouldn't give it back to you until after you've had the interviews.
Huh! You didn't write anything.
So, what you're saying is, you didn't find that one big explanation 'cause there isn't one.
Clever.
Well, let's just say your anti-depressant theory does explain the fever.
What about the heart? And don't say a building fell on her.
Okay.
A structure collapsed Shut up.
Come on, it fits.
Crushed musculature releases potassium, causes V-tach.
You'd think she'd get crush syndrome after she was crushed, not two days later.
Microvascular occlusions, takes that long for the blood to reperfuse.
She'd have a baggy heart.
Echo it to confirm.
Is crush syndrome good or bad? Does it sound good? I mean, compared to the other things it could be.
There are no other things it could be.
Then why are you testing her? Excellent question.
What? What is it? The heart's fine.
Why is she sweating? Her fever's back.
Why would her fever be back? I can't say.
You don't know? Well, I know.
I just can't say, 'cause you'll hit me.
Let's discuss this in front of witnesses.
The DT's? So, she's an alcoholic now? Her first fever was from the medication for her depression.
Or you're wrong.
The second fever was from the self-medication for depression.
This is insane.
You don't think I would have noticed her being constantly drunk? You were practically living with Sylvia Plath.
You didn't notice that.
Tone it down or I will hit you.
Fine.
I'll do liver enzyme tests.
Liver enzymes can also be elevated from musculoskeletal trauma.
They'd be there whether she had a drinking problem or not.
They don't know that.
Just pretend to confirm.
What's the treatment? She's not an alcoholic.
Hair of the dog.
IV alcohol.
Taper it off after a few days.
She's sick and traumatized and half dead, you wanna make her drunk? Just do it.
You can't do this.
We lived together.
We were gonna have kids.
You barely even know her.
Apparently, neither did you.
Hello? Hi, can I speak to Trevor Kaufman? Yo, yo.
This is Trev.
What up? This is Dr.
Gregory House.
Can you come in tomorrow to interview? House? Are you serious? Awesome! Hey, I got the House interview! Oh, look at me, I got the House interview! Shut up! Would you shut up? I'm so cool.
Hey, give me the phone back.
Give the phone back, seriously, man.
I got a page.
No, you didn't.
They called a code.
No, they didn't.
You got a page, but not from us.
Did you ever see Raid on Entebbe? Yeah.
In the end they release the hostages.
How's that working for you? The Ugandans played fair.
They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.
Once again, I'm in awe of the kidnapper's tactical brilliance.
What is El Fuego Del Amor, and why do you need 10 of them? It's a telenovela.
I'm learning Spanish.
Say adiós.
Are you erasing my TiVo? House, not the season finale! I don't negotiate with terrorists.
I smoke them out of their hidey-holes.
Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize.
Bring it on.
Fever's down.
Sweating is abated.
Heart's working fine.
I guess House was right, again.
That's good news, right? It is good news.
So, what does this mean, she's an alcoholic? There's no other explanation? No, sorry.
It doesn't make any sense.
Dr.
Cuddy, she's doing this thing with her mouth again.
It's been on and off for the last couple of hours.
Is she trying to talk? No.
I think she's screaming.
Morning.
Huh! Where did you come from? Apes, if you believe the Democrats.
I heard you were there when I was proven right.
The alcohol treatment took away the heart and fever problems.
Yes, I was also there when you were proven wrong.
She'd been silently screaming for two hours.
Amylase and lipase are through the roof.
She has pancreatitis.
IV alcohol could cause pancreatitis.
Okay.
You're not gonna argue with me? No.
You think I'm right? No.
Why not? No.
That's not really a yes or no question.
Which is why I'm not answering it.
If it's not the IV alcohol, it's gotta be Not interested.
If I'm wrong, she's gonna die.
Are you sure you're still Dean of Medicine? I'm not interested in arguing because I'm not interested in enabling you.
You need someone to bounce ideas off of.
You need a team.
Don't follow me.
MAO inhibitor caused the fever, alcohol caused the pancreatitis, alcohol withdrawal caused the V-tach.
Your logic is irrefutable.
You're wrong.
Well, who are you gonna believe? A classic toy, or a woman who, if she had any confidence in her ideas, wouldn't feel the need to distract you with a water bra? Are you really just gonna treat the pancreatitis? Are you here to enable me? I don't want her to die because you're stubborn.
Wow.
So, you can enable and rationalize at the same time.
Guess you are still Dean of Medicine.
If you're right, then this guy, who's not an ass, who's not a workaholic, who's not a sociopath, has somehow missed both her depression and severe alcoholism.
Yes.
Imagine that, a couple with secrets! Why would she lie? Okay, alcoholism, you don't wanna advertise, but If you're right, there'd be an abnormality on the pancreas.
At least do an MRI to confirm.
Oh, my God! This guy means business.
Or guys, could be multiple guys.
Or gal.
Who knows? All I can say is, this reeks of boldness.
I am not hiring a team.
You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird sound, almost like a scream.
I thought this was gonna be fun.
I mess with you, you mess with me, eventually you give in.
But you've shown a startling lack of humor, which got me thinking.
Oh, God.
What's the real reason you won't hire a team? I told you.
I don't need a team.
Then hire three people and let them sit on their asses.
That wouldn't be right.
Three years ago, you hired a team.
What's changed? I've become a man of principle.
I've gotten smarter.
What answer will make Socrates shut up? What's changed is, you hired a team.
You connected with a team, you worked with a team and you lost a team.
Damn.
There's no abnormalities in her pancreas.
You fall in love.
You get married.
Hiring employees can be even tougher, because you know, eventually, they're gonna leave.
There's increased T2 signal on her hepatic capsule, if you know what I mean.
You got hurt.
Get over it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my patient's about to start bleeding out of her mouth and anus.
Internal bleeding.
Not anymore.
Now it's all over the place.
Why are you here? That's my patient down there.
You're here because I'm here.
I am done enabling you.
I know.
The alcohol didn't cause the pancreatitis, the internal bleeding did.
The question is, what caused the internal bleeding? I hate myself.
You do know that the patient had a building lying on her.
Four days ago.
Bleeding can start at any time.
She's bleeding from five different sites.
Do you think they synchronized their watches? She got Warfarin after her hip surgery.
It's designed to mess with bleeding patterns.
Fever, heart and bleeding.
Three problems, three completely different explanations.
She must be the unluckiest woman in the world.
I only cling to this crazy theory because it's been proven right every step of the way.
Each treatment worked.
Yes.
She looks perfectly healthy.
This much bleeding is a symptom of something more.
And you need a team, because you're wrong and you're gonna kill this woman.
If I had a team, this patient would be dead, because they'd be here instead of me and they wouldn't notice the size of this woman's uterus.
Hi.
How's it going? Mind if I observe? Got a big room up top with a big window just for that.
Stop that.
You wanna look at vaginas, there are websites for that.
You think I'm made of money? Can you get him out of here? Enlarged uterus means that she was recently pregnant.
She's a good liar, but I doubt she can hide a baby from her boyfriend.
Scraping in the uterus indicates that she had an abortion, and nothing in her medical history.
Only one reason to hide an abortion.
Boyfriend wants babies, she doesn't.
She's bleeding everywhere.
Unless the guy was performing an abortion with a shotgun Stop enabling him.
It's not the abortion, it's what she did after.
The boyfriend would have noticed condoms, he would notice abstinence.
He would not notice the pill, which means I don't need a team! Hey, where's your mother in common law? Dr.
House, this is Doug McMurtry.
His girlfriend was working with Megan when She's dead? She passed this morning.
Well, then why are you still here? I need the old lady's consent to do some treatment.
What'd you find out? I wish I could tell you, but since you're not legally related What the hell did you find out? Your girlfriend had an abortion.
See why I didn't tell you? I'd be insane to also tell you that she's on the pill.
No, she's not.
If they'd known she was on it, they wouldn't have given her a blood thinner after her hip surgery.
The combination caused the bleeding.
It's good news.
It's treatable.
Just give her Tamoxifen, which is normally a breast cancer That's not true.
We wanna have kids.
Hmm.
See, I already did the blood tests.
And either she lied to you, or her blood lied to us.
Tell Megan I'm glad she's gonna be okay.
How're you doing? I got cancer.
You're on an oncology ward.
Everybody's got cancer.
You want sympathy, you ought to try the hardly-anything- wrong-with-me ward.
In fact, why don't I take you there right now? How sick are you? Can you walk? Are you a doctor? Admitted today.
First day of a five-day chemo course.
Yeah, you can walk.
Come on, let's go.
Does Dr.
Wilson know you're here? Well, if he didn't, this would be really stupid.
'Cause then he wouldn't know where his patient was.
He might think he'd been kidnapped.
Now the room upstairs is bigger, it's got cable, better-looking sponge bath nurses.
If you feel sick, you call me directly, not Dr.
Wilson.
He's getting his last set of hormone shots.
You put her on Tamoxifen? An anticancer drug? It blocks estrogen receptors.
Does it also block breathing, and kidney function? She's crashing.
Doesn't mean I was wrong.
This is Dr.
Marvin.
We're bringing this patient over now.
Thanks.
Anybody here a doctor? Kidney failure, spiking fever, breathing difficulties.
Any theories? Am I in an M.
Night Shyamalan movie? You're House, right? Okay, I assume you know me because I once insulted you, your patient, or your relatives.
If that's so, I apologize.
I was drunk that day.
Patient initially presented with crush injuries.
I know you because Dr.
Cuddy issued a memo.
Telling you to cooperate fully with me? No.
Figured that was a long shot.
Anybody here not get that memo? Fungal infection.
Don't you have a patient? She shot herself in the leg while high on meth.
Wouldn't hurt her to be in pain for a little while.
Fungal infection would be in her eyes by now.
Haemophilus? Doesn't explain the remitting fever.
You've heard that I've got a job opening, right? I just care about people.
Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome.
ARDS doesn't explain anything, except the breathing.
If you care about people, you're not getting the job.
I was lying.
Crush syndrome.
Doesn't explain the breathing.
What was the problem with ARDS? Only explained the breathing.
The crush syndrome? It didn't explain the breathing.
Are you a fan of symmetry? Sure.
Weird.
'Cause your eyes are lopsided, and by eyes I mean breasts.
ARDS and crush syndrome, both reactions to severe trauma.
Why can't she have both? Because Because then, there's nothing we could do.
Boy, you remind me of someone.
Send me your résumé.
I'll put it on top of the pile that I'm never gonna look at.
I couldn't leave.
You don't seem like the type of person who would give up on giving up.
I love her.
You loved somebody.
Somebody who didn't drink, wanted to have babies and wasn't miserable.
I know she lied, but What are you doing? Why are you saying these things to him? The woman you love doesn't exist.
This woman is dying.
She has Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome and crush syndrome.
Her body's basically giving up.
We can keep her on supported dialysis and hope for the best.
Never mind.
She has a lump in her arm.
Does that mean you're wrong? Well, that'd be good news for you guys.
We'll know after a biopsy.
Which patient is that? Megan House's patient.
Yeah.
Didn't you get my memo? Sure.
Got both memos.
Both.
And the second memo said to ignore the first memo.
Yeah, seemed odd.
I did an MRI and Of course you did.
What'd you find? It's kind of freaky.
She's got growths all over the place.
She's got tumors? Not exactly.
The growths are eosinophilic granulomas.
They are usually from allergic reactions, so I'm putting her on steroids.
Allergy to what? She doesn't have allergies.
We don't know.
Unfortunately, the only drug she's had enough of to have this kind of reaction is cephalosporin.
And why is that unfortunate? 'Cause she was on it two months ago.
That's what you mean, right? She took it for strep throat so she can't be allergic to it.
It would seem so.
What is this hospital doing to her? She has had three separate medical disasters, and now she's dying of an allergy she can't possibly have? Mr.
Lee.
I just have to check Sam? Are you okay? What are you doing here? I was taking a nap.
Where's my patient? You stole my patient.
You kidnapped my guitar.
Give him back.
Only when you give her back.
It's a she? It's certainly not a dude.
It's a guitar.
You took a human being! Now who doesn't have a sense of humor? I'm monitoring the guy remotely.
What, are you listening for the distant sound of screaming? The nurses know to call me.
They don't know who he is! His name's right there on the chart.
Now go away.
I'm working.
They give him the wrong meds, who the hell knows what's gonna happen? House! Bad things would happen.
He's in Room 318.
What are you giving Megan? Megan? Nothing.
Nothing? What's going on? What's wrong with her? Her? Nothing.
Then why are you giving her drugs? Just some amphetamines to wake her up.
Everything could be explained by her lying to you.
The anti-depressants, the drinking, the pill, until now.
Now she's allergic to something the chart says she's not allergic to.
That's not her lying, that's the chart lying, which doesn't make sense.
You know Liz Masters? No.
Yeah, she worked with Megan.
That was her boyfriend you met outside the morgue.
Mmm.
This is her chart.
She's on MAO inhibitors for depression.
She's on the pill.
She had an abortion a month ago, and she's allergic to cephalosporin.
What's going on here? What, are you saying this isn't Megan? Yes.
Ben? Since when? Since right before I began pretending I loved it.
She's the same size as Megan, the same build, the same hair color.
They were both horribly injured, unrecognizably.
EMT teams do not second-guess family members' identifications at accident scenes.
No.
Liz died yesterday.
This isn't Liz.
I know Megan.
I know her hair, I know her hands, I know her smell.
What's your name? Liz.
Oh, God! Your girlfriend never lied to you.
Oh, God.
I did it all by myself, Mommy.
You talking to me? Go away.
I did it all by myself, Mommy.
How'd you know it was me? There's a scent given off by wounded feral cats.
You were wrong.
I got everything right, just treated the wrong They had a good relationship.
He couldn't even identify her.
And you were wrong about needing a team.
She almost died.
So, I almost need a team.
You were content with your "people are idiots" theory.
But Cameron would never have accepted that this guy knew nothing about the love of his life.
And as soon as you claimed it was multiple conditions, Foreman would have done anything to prove you wrong, and then Chase would have done anything to prove you right.
Any one of them would have solved this days ago.
Hire a team.
I don't care how you do it.
Just do it.
Sometimes I am wrong.
I have a gift for observation.
For reading people and situations, but sometimes I am wrong.
This will be the longest job interview of your life.
I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal.
And you'll often be right.
Look to your left.
Now look to your right.
By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone, as will 28 more of you.
Wear a cup.