Mike & Molly s04e01 Episode Script

All right, people, this test is called the "Standardized City-Wide Academic Review.
" Which the Chicago Board of Education, in its infinite wisdom, has dubbed "The SCAR.
" Not to put too much pressure on you, but this is the first exam of many that will determine well, whether you win or lose at life.
I mean, not that acing it is any guarantee, because well, you know, I I crushed this thing when I was your age.
I crushed it.
But I pretty much crushed whatever they put in front of me: A.
C.
T.
s, S.
A.
T.
s, G.
R.
E.
s.
Not sure what I have to show for it.
Maybe S.
Q.
U.
A.
T.
Squat.
I mean, I still drive a beat up old car and live in my mom's basement, and I'm suffocating under a mountain of debt.
Sometimes, there are mornings I wake up and I just think, "Why are you even gonna get out of bed?" The bed which I'm still making payments on, by the way.
Okay Let's, uh, pick up our pencils.
You have one hour to complete this test and begin.
You know what? I'm just gonna stop you for one second.
Um, do you ever just kind of stand back and look at your life and think, "This is not where I ought to be"? You know? Or just think, "Do I have the courage to change? "Or am I gonna just keep "doing this over and over and over again until you die?" You know, or you die, or you're you're gonna die, too.
We're all gonna die.
'Cause you'll you guys only have fourth grade once.
I have I have all this for 30 more years.
Okay.
Listen up, 'cause this might be the best lesson I ever teach you.
Okay, don't settle! Follow your dreams wherever they may take you! Kids can somebody please hand me my purse? And my bag.
Molly! Mol, what the hell are you doing? I'm following my dream! The school called and said you just kind of left.
Had to.
My dream's that away! Well, okay.
Get in the car and let us take you that away.
No, thanks.
Having kind of a baptism thing here.
Stop the car.
Aw There's a big puddle here.
Back up.
Seriously? Well, at least you didn't get your feet wet, Princess.
Oh, how's she doing? She's worn out, the poor thing.
Yeah, I feel for her.
I am not paying for that door.
That's not my priority right now, Carl.
But for the record, I said, "Back up," not, "Hit the hydrant.
" This is just so weird.
I have never seen Molly act like this.
Mom, maybe you should tell him.
Tell me what? Nothing.
We shouldn't jump to conclusions.
Joyce, what's going on? Ah, boy I don't know how to say it.
Well, just say it.
There's a history of mental illness in our family.
Wow.
Nothing real bad.
Just barking, eating your own hair holding an imaginary baby.
Wow.
Well, hang on, now.
Let's-let's not go to crazy so fast.
I mean, all she did was flip out in front of a bunch of nine-year-olds, climb out a window and walk six miles in the rain.
Wow.
Mol? Yeah? You okay? Been better.
I made you some soup.
Is it turkey noodle? Yeah, but you gotta come out if you're gonna eat it.
There she is.
There you go, honey.
Thanks.
Sorry about your car door.
Oh, it's all right.
It's not the first time.
So, uh you want to tell me what happened today? I'm not sure.
You know? I just started feeling overwhelmed by everything and I don't know, leaving just seemed like the right thing to do.
Through the window? You know, anybody can leave through a door.
True.
Uh, the-the school called.
They're a little curious about your intentions.
I get that.
I'm a little curious, too.
Well whatever you need, just know I'm here for you.
Thanks for being so understanding.
Hey, you're my wife.
I love you.
Thanks.
Hang on, let me just There you go.
Oh, I hope that's soup I'm tasting.
I haven't had any yet.
Yeah.
Don't worry.
I've been a union rep for years.
I've gotten teachers off for doing a whole lot worse than you did.
Really? Oh, yeah.
Horrible, horrible things.
Keep you up at night.
And they're still teaching the little ones.
To be honest, I-I don't have a very good excuse for what I did.
You don't need a good excuse.
You're in a union.
Showtime.
Mr.
Wisney, would you like to begin? Ladies and gentlemen of the board, I'm not gonna waste your time by rehashing the so-called "incident" that may or may not have occurred with Ms.
Flynn.
But what I will discuss, though, is a woman who has been a model teacher for ten long years.
A decade.
A third of her life.
Year after year, day after day, for low pay and even less respect, this noble woman gave up her dreams to give the children of Chicago theirs.
I don't want to teach anymore.
Shh.
No, I just I don't want to do it.
No, y-y-you you don't you don't have to.
Just show up, play 'em a movie and cash your check.
You're in a union.
Mr.
Wisney? Sorry, sir.
As I was saying, Ms.
Flynn represents all that is right with our school system.
Really? I jumped out a window.
Sure, she's feisty and outspoken.
But do you know what else is? America.
All right, all right.
I can't I can't listen to any more of this.
Just park it.
Okay, the kids of Chicago deserve teachers that care about them, who who want to be there for them.
And that that may have been me at one point, but it's not me now.
I something's changed in me, something's broken, or maybe something's fixed, I don't know.
But I know that I can't do this one more day.
You realize, Ms.
Flynn, if you quit you'll lose your pension, your health care and all your benefits.
Really? Is that true? No.
No, no, no, no.
You know what? It's benefits that suckered me into this in the first place.
No, I am I am out of here.
I just have to get my purse.
Just-just Why does your squad car have an orange door? That's police business, none of your concern.
Fine.
How's your wife doing? Have her marbles been located? You told him? We're roommates.
We share what goes on in our lives.
And he knows what happened to the car door.
Then why'd you ask? It's a funny story.
I wanted to hear your version of it.
My wife's doin' fine.
Thanks for your concern.
In fact, that's probably her telling me that she's back to work.
Hey, sweetie.
How'd it go? Yeah, my benefits are pretty good, why? Here you go, big guy.
Thanks.
My heart goes out to you.
I appreciate it.
Yeah.
My cousin Petey put his crazy wife in a home.
Just outside of Columbus, Ohio.
Which is ideal for your situation, because if Molly breaks out, she can't get to you on foot.
Nobody's crazy, and nobody's going in a home.
Yet.
She's just working some things out.
Hey, I'm not judging.
If anything, I'm jealous.
Of what? It's a well-known fact that mentally unstable women are wildcats in between the sheets.
You, my friend, will be the grateful beneficiary of said madness.
Oh See you later.
Whoa, whoa, uh Where-where you going? Just out for a drink.
Okay, well, hang on a second, let me put on my shoes.
Oh, no, sweetie, you stay here.
For the kind of dark, ugly drinking I'm gonna do tonight I need the company of some hardcore booze bags.
We're ready! Let's go before my afternoon buzz wears off.
You should limber up before she comes home.
No, you know what the real problem is is that I'm just so angry.
At Mike? No.
- At me? - No, why would I be angry at you? Never mind.
No, the one I'm really mad at is me.
Why? You're such a nice person.
No, I'm not nice.
I'm a phony and-and a fraud.
I didn't become a teacher because it was my passion.
I did it because it was safe and I was too scared to go after my real dream.
Oh, that just breaks my heart.
Honey, what is it you really wanted to do? Yeah.
Forget it.
- It doesn't matter now.
- Don't say that.
What is your dream? Come on.
We're family.
Yes.
- You can tell us anything.
- No, you're just gonna laugh.
No.
No.
Whatever it is, we support you 100%.
Musical theater.
Well, that's just ridiculous.
Hey, this is a surprise.
I brought you some tuna noodle casserole from the school cafeteria.
Aw, you didn't have to do that.
You're my son.
I love you.
Where's the Nutty Professor? Ah, geez.
Does everybody at the school know? Gossip is the fuel that heats that place.
I even saw the Deaf kids signing about it.
Well, don't worry, she's-she's doing good.
Really? I don't speak Deaf, but I know this means "crazy.
" Come on, let's go heat this up.
The truth is, I have no idea what's going on with Molly.
Well, I don't want to throw salt on the wound, but if you two ever have kids, you should know you got loony on your dad's side, too.
For the last time, she's not loony.
She's just going through something.
Welcome to marriage.
People change.
They get old, they get grumpy, they get ugly as a monkey's butt.
But you stay.
And you know why? Because you promised Jesus to stick it out.
Just remember, marriage is not for the faint of heart.
I'll never understand why the gays want it so bad.
But who knows? Maybe they'll fix it up like they do a sketchy neighborhood.
A boy like that who'd kill your brother Forget that boy and find another One of your own kind Stick to your own kind.
See? It just feels good to sing.
Oh Well, honey, if that's what you really want to do, we support you.
Yeah, even if you have no talent.
Oh, thank you for saying that, that's so sweet Oh! Excuse me.
You know what the best part of all of this is? Is just kind of getting back with you guys, you know? Oh Just guh, locking in, and with Mike and work and, you know, trying to have a baby, I just forgot about my two best friends.
Aw Aw We were always there for you.
Yeah, all you had to do was knock.
Oh, I am! I'm knocking now! - Who's there? - It's me Who is there? Whoa! Hey.
Do you have a problem? You mean besides the loud drunks at the next table? I'm sorry, we didn't hear them.
We were singing.
Boy, this one's drunk, loud and stupid.
Hey.
You better watch your mouth, Sasquatch.
All right.
Okay, take take it easy, Mom.
Oh, this is your mom? Well, how did that come out of that? Say that again and I'll kick you in the balls.
Okay.
All right, all right.
All right, I think you just need to to back off.
Oh, what you gonna do, Stumpy? Fight me? No.
I'm not gonna fight you.
And I have a very good reason I have three of them.
Number one Run! Run Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Ow, ah Ow.
Hey.
Hey Thought I heard you up here.
Hey there, hi there.
What happened to your hand? Oh, I just, you know, took a little spill.
Scraped my knuckles.
Let me see.
Oh, it's not a it's not a Let me see.
Oh, sweetie, it's all bruised.
What is that, a tooth? No.
No, it's a it's a pebble.
You drink a lot, you fall a lot like you do.
My poor wife.
You're having a hell of a time, aren't you? It hasn't been the best couple of days.
And I ow owe you an apology.
For what? So many things.
Quitting my job without talking to you.
Making you live here and put up with my family.
Keeping secret credit cards.
What? Just let me finish.
Most of all, for not being able to give you the baby I know you wanted so much.
Hey.
I don't want you to worry about that.
That baby'll come whenever it's supposed to come.
And if it doesn't, we'll deal with it.
Really? Yeah.
The important thing is that no matter what's going on around us, we stay tight.
Stay connected.
Yeah, of course.
And be honest with each other, no matter what.
Yeah, goes without saying.
Good.
Now, uh, I'm gonna give you one more try.
Explain to me why this pebble has a gold filling.
You know, there's something so freeing about knowing that my whole future is wide open.
Uh-huh.
I don't ever have to make sacrifices.
I can feel free to pursue my dream to sing and dance on Broadway, or, you know, I can get going on that book I've been meaning to write.
Or maybe I'll just open my own business and get filthy rich.
I like that third one.
It's just time management, really.
Are you gonna be okay with me making more money than you? You did when you were a teacher.
You know the first thing I'm gonna buy is a new car for you.
Sure.
Like a sports car? Oh, God, no.
You'd look like Fred Flintstone in a sports car.
Will you be insulted if I buy myself a bigger engagement ring? Have at it.
Okay.
I mean, I'm gonna keep the old one.
You know, maybe make it into a necklace, or oh, maybe like a a diamond stud earring.
For you.
Good night.
All right.
Oh, boy.
Oh, God, what have I done? Come here.
Oh, my God, why did I quit my job, and give up all my benefits, and God, I probably need a tetanus shot from that woman's tooth.
I know, sweetie, I know.
We're gonna be fine.