King of the Hill s04e05 Episode Script
Aisle 8A
1 LOOK AT HER.
THE RUBBERMASON 170L.
SURE-GRIP HANDLES, MULTI-TERRAIN TIRES 50-GALLON CAPACITY.
YEAH.
MM-HMM.
[ Mutters .]
GENTLEMEN, THIS TRASH CAN IS INDESTRUCTIBLE.
YOU CAN TIP IT, YOU CAN RUN IT OVER WITH YOUR TRUCK YOU CAN DROP IT FROM THE MOON AND PROVIDED IT MADE IT THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE IT WOULD HIT THE GROUND, READY TO ACCEPT YOUR REFUSE.
OOH, HOW MANY BEER CANS DO YOU THINK SHE CAN HOLD? A THOUSAND? SHE CAN HOLD A THOUSAND BEER CANS WHEN SHE'S HALF FULL WITH A THOUSAND BEER CANS.
HEY, I SEE YOU GET NEW DEEP FRYER.
WELL, ACTUALLY KAHN, IT'S AN INJECTION MOLDED JOKING.
YOU HILLBILLIES CHEW ON THA WHILE I'M JETTING OFF TO HAWAII FOR BIGGEST COMPUTER CONVENTION THERE IS.
SYSTEMS EXPO MAUI, IN HAWAII.
DANG OL' HAWAII, MAN.
DANG OL' GRASS SKIRTS, MAN.
DOOOW, DOOOW, DOOOW DOOOW, DOOOW, DOOOW.
YEAH, MAN.
THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART.
MY BOSS WANTS ME TO GIVE BIG-TIME SPEECH.
I GET FIVE WHOLE MINUTES.
PEONS ONLY GET THREE.
YOU EVER MAKE FIVE-MINUTE SPEECH, HANK? Kahn: NOOOO! ONLY THREE.
BABY-SITTER VIOLATE PAROLE? YEAH, I'D SAY THAT'S AN ISSUE.
KAHN, WE HAVE NO NANNY FOR CONNIE.
O-O-OH! CRUEL, CRUEL FATE! THIS MAUI SPEECH COULD BE MY STEPPING-STONE FROM SYSTEMS ANALYST TO SENIOR SYSTEMS ANALYST.
CONNIE'S OLD ENOUGH TO STAY BY HERSELF, RIGHT? NO, KAHN.
MAYBE CONNIE CAN STAY WITH ONE OF THE NEIGHBORS.
OH BUT WHICH EVIL IS LESSER? ( beeping ) ( sighs ) THE SMOKE DETECTORS WORK, KAHN THE TOILET SEATS ARE CLAMPED DOWN AND I PUT NEW, NON-SLIP DAISIES IN EACH TUB.
SO, ALOHA.
HERE'S CONNIE BABY-SITTING BOOK.
VERSION 4.
0, WITH SEAFOOD ALLERGY UPGRADE.
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW IS IN HERE.
IT TEACH YOU HOW TO BE A PARENT THIS WEEK.
WHAT TIME CONNIE SHOULD EAT, ACCEPTABLE READING MATERIAL NEWSWEEK? HUH.
NOT IN THIS HOUSE.
OH, HOW VERY NICE.
YOU INCLUDED RECIPES.
( gasps ) OH, LOOK-- AND PICTURES.
WELL, THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SCRAMBLED EGGS LOOK LIKE.
( horn honking ) OH, THAT'S THE LIMO TO AIRPORT.
THIS IS ANTIBACTERIAL HAND GEL.
LEAVE A THIN, PROTECTIVE FILM ON YOU AT ALL TIME.
I SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO BE LIVING WITH YOU.
MY PARENTS WON'T EVEN LET ME GO IN A CHAT ROOM.
I KNOW.
AND MY DAD SAID WE COULD CAMP OU IN THE LIVING ROOM-- IN OUR SLEEPING BAGS.
IN OUR SLEEPING BAGS! YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEEING EACH OTHER IN NOTHING BUT YOUR PAJAMAS.
I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.
OOH.
CHOO-CHOO TRAINS? OH, MAN! AH, THE TURTLES.
THESE MAY WORK.
EEK! MAN, WHAT YOU DOING, MAN COMING OVER LIKE THIS, MAN? I NEED SOME ADVICE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SLEEP IN.
YOU KNOW, IF THERE'S A GIRL IN THE HOUSE.
YEAH, MAN, I TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.
DANG OL' GIRL IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW, MAN.
UH-HUH.
AND WHAT SHOULD I WEAR? WELL, YOU KNOW, CAN'T GO WRONG WITH SILK, MAN.
CAN'T HANDLE FLANNEL, MAN, DANG OL' ITCHY BOTTOM, MAN.
SHE WEARS TOP AND HE WEARS BOTTOM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, MAN? YEAH, I WAS THINKING THE NINJA TURTLES WITH UNDERWEAR.
I TELL YOU WHAT, MAN, LET ME KNOW, MAN HOW THAT DANG OL' WORKS OUT, MAN.
FIRST CALL, MAN.
Bobby: I ALWAYS PUT MY NAPKIN ON MY LAP.
I SIT DOWN, BOOM-- ON MY LAP.
( giggles ) THIS IS A GREAT DINNER, MRS.
HILL.
WELL, WE HAVE YOUR MOTHER TO THANK FOR THAT.
SHE RECOMMENDED THAT I STIR THE MACARONI WITH A SPOON.
NO MORE BURNED HANDS, HANK.
AND THE STEAK TASTES SO CLEAN.
WELL, THAT'S THE PROPANE, CONNIE.
YOU SEE, IT'S A MUCH SMOOTHER GRILL THAN CHARCOAL.
AND AT A FRACTION OF THE COST.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED? PROPANE IS CALLED LIQUID PETROLEUM.
BUT ISN'T IT A GAS, MR.
HILL? PLEASE, CONNIE, CALL ME HANK.
Connie: AND MY DAD JUST CRAWLED OUT THE WINDOW AND NEVER PAID.
SO, THIS IS GOSSIP.
( chuckles ) WELL, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
IF YOU'RE DONE, MRS.
HILL I'LL TAKE YOUR PLATE IN WITH MINE.
AND SHE HAS MANNERS, TOO.
MAY I TAKE THOSE PLATES OUT OF YOUR WAY, SIR? AND CAN I TEMPT YOU WITH SOME TOASTER STRUDELS? OR ARE WE WATCHING OUR FIGURES? JUST TAKE THE PLATES, BOBBY.
VERY GOOD, SIR.
( sighs ) THIS IS NICE-- JUST THE TWO OF US THE SQUEAK OF THE GLOVES THE LEMONY SMELL.
OH, THERE'S STILL A BIG HUNK OF FAT ON THIS ONE.
THANKS.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM.
WELL, LET ME HOOK YOU UP WITH SOME MORE SUDS.
( rapping ): MY NAME IS WHAT? MY NAME IS WHO? MY NAME IS SLICKA, SLICKA SLIM SHADY EXTENDED CLUB MIX ( imitates drum machine ) UH-HUH, BREAK IT DOWN, UH-HUH HEY, DEEJAY, EVERYBODY IS A WICK, WICK, WHACK ALL RIGHT, KIDS, LIGHTS OUT.
GOOD NIGHT, MR.
AND MRS.
HILL.
IT'S PRETTY DARK.
ARE YOU SCARED? IT'S NOT THAT DARK IN HERE.
OH, BUT, SURE, I COULD BE A LITTLE SCARED.
I COULD GET MY NIGHT LIGHT.
NO.
THAT'S OKAY, BOBBY.
GOOD NIGHT.
I GUESS I'M TIRED, TOO.
( bell ringing ) SO, ARE YOUR LIPS NUMB? A GENTLEMAN DOES NOT KISS AND TELL.
- YOU CHICKENED OUT.
- YES, SIR, I DID.
NOW SHE'S GOING TO THINK YOU DON'T LIKE HER.
I KNOW.
DON'T WORRY.
I'M BUSTING A MOVE TONIGHT.
( Bobby yawns ) BOY, I'M SO TIRED.
I'D BETTER HURRY UP AND GET TO BED BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT HERE AT THE TABLE.
UGH.
HOW MANY COWS DO YOU PEOPLE EAT IN A YEAR? WAIT.
WE FIGURED THIS OUT ONCE.
CAN I PLEASE BE EXCUSED? UH WELL, SURE.
ME, TOO, PLEASE.
YOU RUSHED OFF BEFORE DESSER AND I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF SNAGGING US EACH A PIECE OF BUNDT CAKE.
I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH.
SO DID I.
IF YOU JUST BRUSHED YOUR TEETH THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING TO EAT BUNDT CAKE? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AGAIN.
WHY DON'T YOU EVER THINK? ( groans ) CONNIE, DO YOU LIKE YOUR SYRUP WARM OR COLD? PERSONALLY, I COULD GO EITHER WAY.
CAN YOU BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE FOR FIVE MINUTES SO I CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM? YES.
CONNIE, HONEY, IT'S PAST 8:00 ALREADY.
UM I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING IN THERE FOR SO LONG.
I THINK SHE'S TAKING A BOBBY BREAK.
HANK, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CONNIE TO SCHOOL, HONEY.
BOBBY AND I ARE LATE ALREADY AND THERE ARE NO SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS FOR SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS WHO ARE LATE.
( groans ) IS MRS.
HILL HOME? NO.
SHE LEFT FOR SCHOOL ALREADY.
I I'M JUST I'M SORRY? UM, IT'S JUST I AND I HUH? "MR.
HILL, I JUST GOT MY FIRST PERIOD.
" BAAAAAH! OH, GOD.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT A THING, CONNIE.
I PASSED THE OSHA EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT COURSE ALL NINE YEARS.
I WAS REQUIRED TO TAKE IT.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? PRETTY SURE.
( groans ) COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
"VACCINATION RECORD.
" "COMPLETE LIST OF PRIME NUMBERS.
" DON'T WORRY, CONNIE.
WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS SOMEHOW.
OKAY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TO TIE A TOURNIQUET? NO.
( sobbing ) OH, MAN! THIS IS THE BEST SPEECH EVER WRITTEN.
J.
F.
K.
GOT NOTHING ON ME.
"PROFILES IN JEALOUSY.
" HA-HA! YOU NEED TO RELAX, KAHN.
COME.
WE THROW FRISBEE.
WHERE IT LAND, THAT'S WHERE WE MAKE CRAZY LOVE.
OH, YEAH! I AM BAD BOY OF SYSTEMS ANALYSIS.
( cell phone ringing ) Man: Tom Landry Middle School.
I NEED TO SPEAK WITH MRS.
PEGGY HILL.
I'M SORRY.
DISTRICT POLICY PROHIBITS DISTURBING A TEACHER IN THE CLASSROOM.
PEGGY IS MY WIFE, AND I WANT HER DISTURBED RIGHT NOW.
I'll connect you to her voice mail.
NO, BUT I The person you have reached Hello.
This is Peggy Hill.
I am so sorry I cannot take your call.
Please leave a message.
is not available.
To leave a message ( phone ringing ) HELLO? HMM UM Hello? AAH! IS SHE GOING TO BE OKAY? SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
I'VE TAKEN CARE OF THINGS FOR NOW BUT HERE IS A LIST OF PRODUCTS FOR CONNIE WHICH YOU CAN PICK UP AT ANY PHARMACY.
OH COULDN'T YOU JUST GIVE HER THIS STUFF? YOU ARE A HOSPITAL.
NO.
YOU HAVE TO GO AND BUY THEM.
I MEAN, LET'S SAY I GOT STITCHES.
YOU MIGHT SEND ME HOME WITH A BOX OF BAND-AIDS IF I ASKED FOR THEM, RIGHT? BAND-AIDS AREN'T GOING TO WORK IN THIS SITUATION.
PLEASE, DON'T TRY BAND-AIDS.
( groans ) "AISLE 8A.
" BOY, WE SURE ARE A LONG WAY FROM AUTOMOTIVE.
YOU HAVE YOUR LIST? YES.
JUST BECAUSE I STARTED MY PERIOD DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T HOLD ON TO A PIECE OF PAPER.
OKAY, THEN, I'LL JUST, UH, WAIT RIGHT HERE FOR YOU.
( sighs ) COME ON, CONNIE, PICK SOMETHING.
ANYTHING.
DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.
OH OH! AW NO.
HOLD ON, CONNIE.
THIS REALLY SUCKS, MR.
HILL.
MY MOM TAUGHT ME NOTHING.
$6.
95 FOR ONE STUPID BOX?! OH, I ONLY HAVE FIVE DOLLARS.
CAN I BORROW TWO STUPID DOLLARS? IT-IT'S OKAY, CONNIE.
IT'S ON ME.
WE'LL GET YOU ALL SET UP HERE.
OH CHUCK.
Connie: YOU KNOW, MR.
HILL MAYBE THIS ISN'T SUCH A BIG DEAL AFTER ALL.
NOPE.
NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL.
IN FACT, THIS IS SUCH A LITTLE DEAL THAT WE WON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
NOW, HOW DO I CHANGE ONE OF THESE THINGS? DUH, INCOMING! I CAN'T LOOK.
SHE NEVER EVEN GOT TO SEE HER FIRST TRASH DAY.
( gasps ) HA-HA! BIG BAD CAN! WHERE'S BOBBY? IT'S CONNIE.
HANK, WHAT IS IT! YOU KNOW, THE SPECIAL TIME IN GIRLS' LIVES AND FRESHNESS AND ALL THAT? OH, MY LORD.
OH, POOR CONNIE.
POOR CONNIE? POOR ME.
I HAD TO LEARN ABOUT MEGA ABSORBENCY.
YOU WENT DOWN AISLE 8A? WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS AND I CAN'T GET YOU PAST AISLE 5.
I WASN'T JOYRIDING, PEGGY.
IT WAS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME SOONER? I TRIED CALLING YOU.
I TRIED CALLING MINH AND KAHN.
I EVEN HUNG UP ON MY OWN MOTHER.
AND SHE'S SUCH A NICE WOMAN.
WELL, HANK, YOU DID YOUR BES BUT I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
YOU KEEP TRYING MINH AND KAHN.
I'LL TALK TO CONNIE AND THEN I'LL TALK TO BOBBY.
I DON'T THINK BOBBY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THIS.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I KNOW ABOUT THIS.
DO YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE, HANK? NO.
UH-OH.
LAST TIME YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME I LEARNED ABOUT GOLDFISH HEAVEN.
COME ON, BOBBY.
LET'S GO TO WHATABURGER.
ALL RIGHT! OH, GOD.
WHERE'S LADYBIRD? I NOW PASS THE TORCH TO MY GOOD FRIEND KAHN SOUPHANOUSINPHONE.
( applause ) ( cell phone rings ) HELLO? OH, HANK HILL! WHAT YOU WANT? KAHN IS AT THE PODIUM! OH! Kahn: GENTLEMEN AND LADIES OF SYSTEMS ANALYSIS WHAT REALLY BRING US TOGETHER HERE? SYSTEMS OR THE SUNSHINE? I THINK WE DO BEST TO REMEMBER THE WORDS OF MAYA ANGELOU ( screams ) BOBBY, YOU ARE AT AN AGE NOW WHEN WELL, THINGS ARE STARTING TO CHANGE.
AND, WHILE SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEARNED THROUGH GUESSING OR CERTAIN EDUCATIONAL FILMS SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEARNED FROM YOUR PARENTS.
MOM, WHY DON'T YOU GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS WHILE I GET ANOTHER ORDER OF ONION RINGS.
CONNIE STARTED HER PERIOD.
WHAT'S THAT, NOW? SHE HAS TAKEN HER FIRST STEPS TO BECOMING A WOMAN.
SHE CAN'T BE A WOMAN.
I'M STILL A KID.
LOOK AT ME.
I EVEN GOT THE KID'S MEAL.
I LOVE THIS TOY! OH, BOBBY.
HONEY, YOU WILL CATCH UP EVENTUALLY.
THIS YEAR, NEXT YEAR, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHEN BECAUSE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MOMMY'S LITTLE MAN.
( groaning ) SO CONNIE YOU WANT TO GO JUMP OFF THE BIKE RAMP? NO.
PLAY SOCCER? NO.
GO SWIMMING AT THE REC CENTER? ( sighing ) YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO, BOBBY? SIT HERE! FINE! YOU SIT ON THAT COUCH! I'M YOUNG.
I'M YOUNG AND ALIVE AND I'M GOING OUTSIDE TO ENJOY LIFE! WORD IS, CONNIE'S AUNT FLO IS IN TOWN.
YEAH, PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE STARTED HER PERIOD.
SHE'S GOT THE CURSE, AND I THINK I CAUSED IT-- ALL MY HORMONES BEING TOO CLOSE TO HER HORMONES.
IT'S ALL OVER, BOBBY.
I HEARD THAT WHEN GIRLS GET THE CURSE THEY ONLY GO OUT WITH HAIRY HIGH SCHOOL GUYS WITH CARS.
I'VE GOT PEACH FUZZ AND A BIKE.
WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?! I WANT TO WAKE HER UP FROM THIS CHICKEN- FRIED NIGHTMARE.
MOM! DAD! IT IS VERY NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, KAHN JR.
GO WITH YOUR MOTHER, YES.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN THANK ME FOR TAKING CARE OF THIS, KAHN.
IT WASN'T EXACTLY EASY.
THANK YOU? YOU LUCKY I DON'T SUE YOU.
LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
YOU'VE GOT NO CASE.
THERE'S STILL TIME.
HURRY.
SHE'S GOT ROOM FOR THREE MORE.
HEY, MAN, DANG OL', WHAT YOU DOING, OL' TRASH MAN? NO TAKIN', I'M 'BOUT GONNA CALL 911, MAN.
EVERYTHING I LOVE IS TAKEN FROM ME! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHE WAS MY CAN.
Narrator: The mother sings a gentle song welcoming her calf to a watery new world.
OH, MINH! SHE DOING IT AGAIN.
HELP ME.
MAKE HER STOP.
I'M ON IT.
( sniffling ) MOM, I WAS REALLY MEAN TO BOBBY AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
HE ANNOYING LITTLE BOY.
MOM! KAHN JR.
, YOU HAVE A P.
M.
S.
IT'S HARD, BUT VERY EASY TO UNDERSTAND.
YOU JUST YELL AND YELL OR YOU JUST CRY AND CRY.
BUT IT FEELS LIKE I'M DOING BOTH OF THOSE AT THE SAME TIME.
CONNIE, YOU FEEL THINGS MORE NOW.
MAKE SAD MOVIES TRULY EXCELLENT.
YOU WATCH TITANIC ON THE RIGHT DAY IT BLOW YOU AWAY.
AND YOU GET INTUITION.
AND I GET TO HAVE BABIES.
WHOA! SLOW DOWN, KAHN JR.
I TELL YOU NOW WHAT MY MOTHER TOLD ME.
( speaking Laotian ) BOBBY HILL ( speaking Laotian ) MOM, YOU DON'T KNOW BOBBY.
HE'S NOT LIKE ALL THE OTHER BOYS.
ALL MEN ARE THE SAME.
BUT NOW YOU ARE DIFFEREN AND YOU MUST ACT DIFFERENT, LIKE AN ADULT.
EXCEPT AT MOVIE THEATER, WHERE YOU CHILD AND YOUR FATHER AND I STUDENTS.
( sighing ) UH SO, UH DR.
HERTIG SAYS YOUR TEETH ARE LOOKING GOOD.
THAT A BOY.
DAD, I THINK CONNIE IS GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME BECAUSE SHE HATES ME.
SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU.
YES, SHE DOES.
SHE'S NO LONGER THE GIRL WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.
NOW SHE'S JUST THE WOMAN WHO YELLS AT ME.
BOBBY, EVERY WOMAN HAS A PERIOD UH, OF TIME, EVERY MONTH EVEN MOM? BOBBY, IF WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS YOU CANNOT ASK ME QUESTIONS LIKE THAT.
MY BAD.
NOW, EVERY MONTH A WOMAN HAS THIS TIME WHEN SHE GETS VERY ANGRY AT EVERYTHING.
AND USUALLY MEN ARE THE EVERYTHING.
IT'S LIKE A TIRE FIRE.
TRYING TO PUT IT OUT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.
YOU JUST GOT TO LET IT BURN.
GRAB A BEER AND LET IT BURN.
HANK HILL, YOU RUIN MY LIFE.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? UH, CONNIE LEFT SOME THINGS AT MY HOUSE.
I THOUGHT SHE MIGHT WANT THEM BACK.
HEY, MR.
HILL.
THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY WITH YOU.
SORRY IT WAS SO BORING.
( nervous chuckle ): YEP.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! WHY DIDN'T SHE CRY AT YOU? ALL SHE EVER DOES IS CRY AT ME.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU.
I THINK IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY FOR ALL OF US.
TOMORROW'LL BE EASIER.
FOR ME, ANYWAY.
SURE, EVERYTHING EASY FOR YOU.
YOU WORLD'S BEST FATHER.
I SEEN THE MUG! ME? I'M NOTHING.
I WANT MUG, TOO, HANK HILL.
WELL, I JUST SO HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOOK HERE THAT MIGHT HELP YOU OUT WITH THAT.
OH, AND, UH, I ADDED AN EXTRA CHAPTER AT THE BEGINNING.
AISLE 8A? WHAT IS AISLE 8A? YOU KNOW, IT'S THE ONE NEXT TO THE DEODORANTS AND THE, UH OINTMENTS.
( groaning ) YEAH, I KNOW.
IS THIS A BAD TIME? MY MOM SAYS WE SHOULDN'T BE ALONE TOGETHER ANYMORE AND THAT YOU ONLY WANT ONE THING.
DID SHE SAY WHAT THAT WAS? BECAUSE I AM SO CONFUSED.
ME, TOO.
THIS SUCKS.
SO NOW YOU'RE A WOMAN.
TECHNICALLY, I THINK I'M ONLY A WOMAN FOUR DAYS A MONTH.
ONLY FOUR DAYS? WELL, THAT'S FOR MOST PEOPLE.
BUT YOU'RE SUPER-ORGANIZED.
I BET YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT IN TWO DAYS.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.
( sighing ) YOU KNOW, IF I WAS BECOMING A MAN I WOULDN'T DUMP YOU.
I DON'T WANT TO DUMP YOU, BOBBY.
I STILL WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
BUT FOR THOSE FOUR DAYS WHEN I'M A WOMAN I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.
DEAL.
I'LL SEE YOU IN TWO DAYS! DO YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE, HANK? NO.
THE RUBBERMASON 170L.
SURE-GRIP HANDLES, MULTI-TERRAIN TIRES 50-GALLON CAPACITY.
YEAH.
MM-HMM.
[ Mutters .]
GENTLEMEN, THIS TRASH CAN IS INDESTRUCTIBLE.
YOU CAN TIP IT, YOU CAN RUN IT OVER WITH YOUR TRUCK YOU CAN DROP IT FROM THE MOON AND PROVIDED IT MADE IT THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE IT WOULD HIT THE GROUND, READY TO ACCEPT YOUR REFUSE.
OOH, HOW MANY BEER CANS DO YOU THINK SHE CAN HOLD? A THOUSAND? SHE CAN HOLD A THOUSAND BEER CANS WHEN SHE'S HALF FULL WITH A THOUSAND BEER CANS.
HEY, I SEE YOU GET NEW DEEP FRYER.
WELL, ACTUALLY KAHN, IT'S AN INJECTION MOLDED JOKING.
YOU HILLBILLIES CHEW ON THA WHILE I'M JETTING OFF TO HAWAII FOR BIGGEST COMPUTER CONVENTION THERE IS.
SYSTEMS EXPO MAUI, IN HAWAII.
DANG OL' HAWAII, MAN.
DANG OL' GRASS SKIRTS, MAN.
DOOOW, DOOOW, DOOOW DOOOW, DOOOW, DOOOW.
YEAH, MAN.
THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART.
MY BOSS WANTS ME TO GIVE BIG-TIME SPEECH.
I GET FIVE WHOLE MINUTES.
PEONS ONLY GET THREE.
YOU EVER MAKE FIVE-MINUTE SPEECH, HANK? Kahn: NOOOO! ONLY THREE.
BABY-SITTER VIOLATE PAROLE? YEAH, I'D SAY THAT'S AN ISSUE.
KAHN, WE HAVE NO NANNY FOR CONNIE.
O-O-OH! CRUEL, CRUEL FATE! THIS MAUI SPEECH COULD BE MY STEPPING-STONE FROM SYSTEMS ANALYST TO SENIOR SYSTEMS ANALYST.
CONNIE'S OLD ENOUGH TO STAY BY HERSELF, RIGHT? NO, KAHN.
MAYBE CONNIE CAN STAY WITH ONE OF THE NEIGHBORS.
OH BUT WHICH EVIL IS LESSER? ( beeping ) ( sighs ) THE SMOKE DETECTORS WORK, KAHN THE TOILET SEATS ARE CLAMPED DOWN AND I PUT NEW, NON-SLIP DAISIES IN EACH TUB.
SO, ALOHA.
HERE'S CONNIE BABY-SITTING BOOK.
VERSION 4.
0, WITH SEAFOOD ALLERGY UPGRADE.
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW IS IN HERE.
IT TEACH YOU HOW TO BE A PARENT THIS WEEK.
WHAT TIME CONNIE SHOULD EAT, ACCEPTABLE READING MATERIAL NEWSWEEK? HUH.
NOT IN THIS HOUSE.
OH, HOW VERY NICE.
YOU INCLUDED RECIPES.
( gasps ) OH, LOOK-- AND PICTURES.
WELL, THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SCRAMBLED EGGS LOOK LIKE.
( horn honking ) OH, THAT'S THE LIMO TO AIRPORT.
THIS IS ANTIBACTERIAL HAND GEL.
LEAVE A THIN, PROTECTIVE FILM ON YOU AT ALL TIME.
I SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO BE LIVING WITH YOU.
MY PARENTS WON'T EVEN LET ME GO IN A CHAT ROOM.
I KNOW.
AND MY DAD SAID WE COULD CAMP OU IN THE LIVING ROOM-- IN OUR SLEEPING BAGS.
IN OUR SLEEPING BAGS! YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEEING EACH OTHER IN NOTHING BUT YOUR PAJAMAS.
I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.
OOH.
CHOO-CHOO TRAINS? OH, MAN! AH, THE TURTLES.
THESE MAY WORK.
EEK! MAN, WHAT YOU DOING, MAN COMING OVER LIKE THIS, MAN? I NEED SOME ADVICE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SLEEP IN.
YOU KNOW, IF THERE'S A GIRL IN THE HOUSE.
YEAH, MAN, I TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.
DANG OL' GIRL IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW, MAN.
UH-HUH.
AND WHAT SHOULD I WEAR? WELL, YOU KNOW, CAN'T GO WRONG WITH SILK, MAN.
CAN'T HANDLE FLANNEL, MAN, DANG OL' ITCHY BOTTOM, MAN.
SHE WEARS TOP AND HE WEARS BOTTOM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, MAN? YEAH, I WAS THINKING THE NINJA TURTLES WITH UNDERWEAR.
I TELL YOU WHAT, MAN, LET ME KNOW, MAN HOW THAT DANG OL' WORKS OUT, MAN.
FIRST CALL, MAN.
Bobby: I ALWAYS PUT MY NAPKIN ON MY LAP.
I SIT DOWN, BOOM-- ON MY LAP.
( giggles ) THIS IS A GREAT DINNER, MRS.
HILL.
WELL, WE HAVE YOUR MOTHER TO THANK FOR THAT.
SHE RECOMMENDED THAT I STIR THE MACARONI WITH A SPOON.
NO MORE BURNED HANDS, HANK.
AND THE STEAK TASTES SO CLEAN.
WELL, THAT'S THE PROPANE, CONNIE.
YOU SEE, IT'S A MUCH SMOOTHER GRILL THAN CHARCOAL.
AND AT A FRACTION OF THE COST.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED? PROPANE IS CALLED LIQUID PETROLEUM.
BUT ISN'T IT A GAS, MR.
HILL? PLEASE, CONNIE, CALL ME HANK.
Connie: AND MY DAD JUST CRAWLED OUT THE WINDOW AND NEVER PAID.
SO, THIS IS GOSSIP.
( chuckles ) WELL, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
IF YOU'RE DONE, MRS.
HILL I'LL TAKE YOUR PLATE IN WITH MINE.
AND SHE HAS MANNERS, TOO.
MAY I TAKE THOSE PLATES OUT OF YOUR WAY, SIR? AND CAN I TEMPT YOU WITH SOME TOASTER STRUDELS? OR ARE WE WATCHING OUR FIGURES? JUST TAKE THE PLATES, BOBBY.
VERY GOOD, SIR.
( sighs ) THIS IS NICE-- JUST THE TWO OF US THE SQUEAK OF THE GLOVES THE LEMONY SMELL.
OH, THERE'S STILL A BIG HUNK OF FAT ON THIS ONE.
THANKS.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM.
WELL, LET ME HOOK YOU UP WITH SOME MORE SUDS.
( rapping ): MY NAME IS WHAT? MY NAME IS WHO? MY NAME IS SLICKA, SLICKA SLIM SHADY EXTENDED CLUB MIX ( imitates drum machine ) UH-HUH, BREAK IT DOWN, UH-HUH HEY, DEEJAY, EVERYBODY IS A WICK, WICK, WHACK ALL RIGHT, KIDS, LIGHTS OUT.
GOOD NIGHT, MR.
AND MRS.
HILL.
IT'S PRETTY DARK.
ARE YOU SCARED? IT'S NOT THAT DARK IN HERE.
OH, BUT, SURE, I COULD BE A LITTLE SCARED.
I COULD GET MY NIGHT LIGHT.
NO.
THAT'S OKAY, BOBBY.
GOOD NIGHT.
I GUESS I'M TIRED, TOO.
( bell ringing ) SO, ARE YOUR LIPS NUMB? A GENTLEMAN DOES NOT KISS AND TELL.
- YOU CHICKENED OUT.
- YES, SIR, I DID.
NOW SHE'S GOING TO THINK YOU DON'T LIKE HER.
I KNOW.
DON'T WORRY.
I'M BUSTING A MOVE TONIGHT.
( Bobby yawns ) BOY, I'M SO TIRED.
I'D BETTER HURRY UP AND GET TO BED BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT HERE AT THE TABLE.
UGH.
HOW MANY COWS DO YOU PEOPLE EAT IN A YEAR? WAIT.
WE FIGURED THIS OUT ONCE.
CAN I PLEASE BE EXCUSED? UH WELL, SURE.
ME, TOO, PLEASE.
YOU RUSHED OFF BEFORE DESSER AND I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF SNAGGING US EACH A PIECE OF BUNDT CAKE.
I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH.
SO DID I.
IF YOU JUST BRUSHED YOUR TEETH THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING TO EAT BUNDT CAKE? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AGAIN.
WHY DON'T YOU EVER THINK? ( groans ) CONNIE, DO YOU LIKE YOUR SYRUP WARM OR COLD? PERSONALLY, I COULD GO EITHER WAY.
CAN YOU BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE FOR FIVE MINUTES SO I CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM? YES.
CONNIE, HONEY, IT'S PAST 8:00 ALREADY.
UM I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING IN THERE FOR SO LONG.
I THINK SHE'S TAKING A BOBBY BREAK.
HANK, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CONNIE TO SCHOOL, HONEY.
BOBBY AND I ARE LATE ALREADY AND THERE ARE NO SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS FOR SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS WHO ARE LATE.
( groans ) IS MRS.
HILL HOME? NO.
SHE LEFT FOR SCHOOL ALREADY.
I I'M JUST I'M SORRY? UM, IT'S JUST I AND I HUH? "MR.
HILL, I JUST GOT MY FIRST PERIOD.
" BAAAAAH! OH, GOD.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT A THING, CONNIE.
I PASSED THE OSHA EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT COURSE ALL NINE YEARS.
I WAS REQUIRED TO TAKE IT.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? PRETTY SURE.
( groans ) COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
"VACCINATION RECORD.
" "COMPLETE LIST OF PRIME NUMBERS.
" DON'T WORRY, CONNIE.
WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS SOMEHOW.
OKAY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TO TIE A TOURNIQUET? NO.
( sobbing ) OH, MAN! THIS IS THE BEST SPEECH EVER WRITTEN.
J.
F.
K.
GOT NOTHING ON ME.
"PROFILES IN JEALOUSY.
" HA-HA! YOU NEED TO RELAX, KAHN.
COME.
WE THROW FRISBEE.
WHERE IT LAND, THAT'S WHERE WE MAKE CRAZY LOVE.
OH, YEAH! I AM BAD BOY OF SYSTEMS ANALYSIS.
( cell phone ringing ) Man: Tom Landry Middle School.
I NEED TO SPEAK WITH MRS.
PEGGY HILL.
I'M SORRY.
DISTRICT POLICY PROHIBITS DISTURBING A TEACHER IN THE CLASSROOM.
PEGGY IS MY WIFE, AND I WANT HER DISTURBED RIGHT NOW.
I'll connect you to her voice mail.
NO, BUT I The person you have reached Hello.
This is Peggy Hill.
I am so sorry I cannot take your call.
Please leave a message.
is not available.
To leave a message ( phone ringing ) HELLO? HMM UM Hello? AAH! IS SHE GOING TO BE OKAY? SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
I'VE TAKEN CARE OF THINGS FOR NOW BUT HERE IS A LIST OF PRODUCTS FOR CONNIE WHICH YOU CAN PICK UP AT ANY PHARMACY.
OH COULDN'T YOU JUST GIVE HER THIS STUFF? YOU ARE A HOSPITAL.
NO.
YOU HAVE TO GO AND BUY THEM.
I MEAN, LET'S SAY I GOT STITCHES.
YOU MIGHT SEND ME HOME WITH A BOX OF BAND-AIDS IF I ASKED FOR THEM, RIGHT? BAND-AIDS AREN'T GOING TO WORK IN THIS SITUATION.
PLEASE, DON'T TRY BAND-AIDS.
( groans ) "AISLE 8A.
" BOY, WE SURE ARE A LONG WAY FROM AUTOMOTIVE.
YOU HAVE YOUR LIST? YES.
JUST BECAUSE I STARTED MY PERIOD DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T HOLD ON TO A PIECE OF PAPER.
OKAY, THEN, I'LL JUST, UH, WAIT RIGHT HERE FOR YOU.
( sighs ) COME ON, CONNIE, PICK SOMETHING.
ANYTHING.
DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.
OH OH! AW NO.
HOLD ON, CONNIE.
THIS REALLY SUCKS, MR.
HILL.
MY MOM TAUGHT ME NOTHING.
$6.
95 FOR ONE STUPID BOX?! OH, I ONLY HAVE FIVE DOLLARS.
CAN I BORROW TWO STUPID DOLLARS? IT-IT'S OKAY, CONNIE.
IT'S ON ME.
WE'LL GET YOU ALL SET UP HERE.
OH CHUCK.
Connie: YOU KNOW, MR.
HILL MAYBE THIS ISN'T SUCH A BIG DEAL AFTER ALL.
NOPE.
NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL.
IN FACT, THIS IS SUCH A LITTLE DEAL THAT WE WON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
NOW, HOW DO I CHANGE ONE OF THESE THINGS? DUH, INCOMING! I CAN'T LOOK.
SHE NEVER EVEN GOT TO SEE HER FIRST TRASH DAY.
( gasps ) HA-HA! BIG BAD CAN! WHERE'S BOBBY? IT'S CONNIE.
HANK, WHAT IS IT! YOU KNOW, THE SPECIAL TIME IN GIRLS' LIVES AND FRESHNESS AND ALL THAT? OH, MY LORD.
OH, POOR CONNIE.
POOR CONNIE? POOR ME.
I HAD TO LEARN ABOUT MEGA ABSORBENCY.
YOU WENT DOWN AISLE 8A? WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS AND I CAN'T GET YOU PAST AISLE 5.
I WASN'T JOYRIDING, PEGGY.
IT WAS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME SOONER? I TRIED CALLING YOU.
I TRIED CALLING MINH AND KAHN.
I EVEN HUNG UP ON MY OWN MOTHER.
AND SHE'S SUCH A NICE WOMAN.
WELL, HANK, YOU DID YOUR BES BUT I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
YOU KEEP TRYING MINH AND KAHN.
I'LL TALK TO CONNIE AND THEN I'LL TALK TO BOBBY.
I DON'T THINK BOBBY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THIS.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I KNOW ABOUT THIS.
DO YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE, HANK? NO.
UH-OH.
LAST TIME YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME I LEARNED ABOUT GOLDFISH HEAVEN.
COME ON, BOBBY.
LET'S GO TO WHATABURGER.
ALL RIGHT! OH, GOD.
WHERE'S LADYBIRD? I NOW PASS THE TORCH TO MY GOOD FRIEND KAHN SOUPHANOUSINPHONE.
( applause ) ( cell phone rings ) HELLO? OH, HANK HILL! WHAT YOU WANT? KAHN IS AT THE PODIUM! OH! Kahn: GENTLEMEN AND LADIES OF SYSTEMS ANALYSIS WHAT REALLY BRING US TOGETHER HERE? SYSTEMS OR THE SUNSHINE? I THINK WE DO BEST TO REMEMBER THE WORDS OF MAYA ANGELOU ( screams ) BOBBY, YOU ARE AT AN AGE NOW WHEN WELL, THINGS ARE STARTING TO CHANGE.
AND, WHILE SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEARNED THROUGH GUESSING OR CERTAIN EDUCATIONAL FILMS SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEARNED FROM YOUR PARENTS.
MOM, WHY DON'T YOU GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS WHILE I GET ANOTHER ORDER OF ONION RINGS.
CONNIE STARTED HER PERIOD.
WHAT'S THAT, NOW? SHE HAS TAKEN HER FIRST STEPS TO BECOMING A WOMAN.
SHE CAN'T BE A WOMAN.
I'M STILL A KID.
LOOK AT ME.
I EVEN GOT THE KID'S MEAL.
I LOVE THIS TOY! OH, BOBBY.
HONEY, YOU WILL CATCH UP EVENTUALLY.
THIS YEAR, NEXT YEAR, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHEN BECAUSE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MOMMY'S LITTLE MAN.
( groaning ) SO CONNIE YOU WANT TO GO JUMP OFF THE BIKE RAMP? NO.
PLAY SOCCER? NO.
GO SWIMMING AT THE REC CENTER? ( sighing ) YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO, BOBBY? SIT HERE! FINE! YOU SIT ON THAT COUCH! I'M YOUNG.
I'M YOUNG AND ALIVE AND I'M GOING OUTSIDE TO ENJOY LIFE! WORD IS, CONNIE'S AUNT FLO IS IN TOWN.
YEAH, PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE STARTED HER PERIOD.
SHE'S GOT THE CURSE, AND I THINK I CAUSED IT-- ALL MY HORMONES BEING TOO CLOSE TO HER HORMONES.
IT'S ALL OVER, BOBBY.
I HEARD THAT WHEN GIRLS GET THE CURSE THEY ONLY GO OUT WITH HAIRY HIGH SCHOOL GUYS WITH CARS.
I'VE GOT PEACH FUZZ AND A BIKE.
WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?! I WANT TO WAKE HER UP FROM THIS CHICKEN- FRIED NIGHTMARE.
MOM! DAD! IT IS VERY NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, KAHN JR.
GO WITH YOUR MOTHER, YES.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN THANK ME FOR TAKING CARE OF THIS, KAHN.
IT WASN'T EXACTLY EASY.
THANK YOU? YOU LUCKY I DON'T SUE YOU.
LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
YOU'VE GOT NO CASE.
THERE'S STILL TIME.
HURRY.
SHE'S GOT ROOM FOR THREE MORE.
HEY, MAN, DANG OL', WHAT YOU DOING, OL' TRASH MAN? NO TAKIN', I'M 'BOUT GONNA CALL 911, MAN.
EVERYTHING I LOVE IS TAKEN FROM ME! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHE WAS MY CAN.
Narrator: The mother sings a gentle song welcoming her calf to a watery new world.
OH, MINH! SHE DOING IT AGAIN.
HELP ME.
MAKE HER STOP.
I'M ON IT.
( sniffling ) MOM, I WAS REALLY MEAN TO BOBBY AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
HE ANNOYING LITTLE BOY.
MOM! KAHN JR.
, YOU HAVE A P.
M.
S.
IT'S HARD, BUT VERY EASY TO UNDERSTAND.
YOU JUST YELL AND YELL OR YOU JUST CRY AND CRY.
BUT IT FEELS LIKE I'M DOING BOTH OF THOSE AT THE SAME TIME.
CONNIE, YOU FEEL THINGS MORE NOW.
MAKE SAD MOVIES TRULY EXCELLENT.
YOU WATCH TITANIC ON THE RIGHT DAY IT BLOW YOU AWAY.
AND YOU GET INTUITION.
AND I GET TO HAVE BABIES.
WHOA! SLOW DOWN, KAHN JR.
I TELL YOU NOW WHAT MY MOTHER TOLD ME.
( speaking Laotian ) BOBBY HILL ( speaking Laotian ) MOM, YOU DON'T KNOW BOBBY.
HE'S NOT LIKE ALL THE OTHER BOYS.
ALL MEN ARE THE SAME.
BUT NOW YOU ARE DIFFEREN AND YOU MUST ACT DIFFERENT, LIKE AN ADULT.
EXCEPT AT MOVIE THEATER, WHERE YOU CHILD AND YOUR FATHER AND I STUDENTS.
( sighing ) UH SO, UH DR.
HERTIG SAYS YOUR TEETH ARE LOOKING GOOD.
THAT A BOY.
DAD, I THINK CONNIE IS GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME BECAUSE SHE HATES ME.
SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU.
YES, SHE DOES.
SHE'S NO LONGER THE GIRL WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.
NOW SHE'S JUST THE WOMAN WHO YELLS AT ME.
BOBBY, EVERY WOMAN HAS A PERIOD UH, OF TIME, EVERY MONTH EVEN MOM? BOBBY, IF WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS YOU CANNOT ASK ME QUESTIONS LIKE THAT.
MY BAD.
NOW, EVERY MONTH A WOMAN HAS THIS TIME WHEN SHE GETS VERY ANGRY AT EVERYTHING.
AND USUALLY MEN ARE THE EVERYTHING.
IT'S LIKE A TIRE FIRE.
TRYING TO PUT IT OUT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.
YOU JUST GOT TO LET IT BURN.
GRAB A BEER AND LET IT BURN.
HANK HILL, YOU RUIN MY LIFE.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? UH, CONNIE LEFT SOME THINGS AT MY HOUSE.
I THOUGHT SHE MIGHT WANT THEM BACK.
HEY, MR.
HILL.
THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY WITH YOU.
SORRY IT WAS SO BORING.
( nervous chuckle ): YEP.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! WHY DIDN'T SHE CRY AT YOU? ALL SHE EVER DOES IS CRY AT ME.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU.
I THINK IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY FOR ALL OF US.
TOMORROW'LL BE EASIER.
FOR ME, ANYWAY.
SURE, EVERYTHING EASY FOR YOU.
YOU WORLD'S BEST FATHER.
I SEEN THE MUG! ME? I'M NOTHING.
I WANT MUG, TOO, HANK HILL.
WELL, I JUST SO HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOOK HERE THAT MIGHT HELP YOU OUT WITH THAT.
OH, AND, UH, I ADDED AN EXTRA CHAPTER AT THE BEGINNING.
AISLE 8A? WHAT IS AISLE 8A? YOU KNOW, IT'S THE ONE NEXT TO THE DEODORANTS AND THE, UH OINTMENTS.
( groaning ) YEAH, I KNOW.
IS THIS A BAD TIME? MY MOM SAYS WE SHOULDN'T BE ALONE TOGETHER ANYMORE AND THAT YOU ONLY WANT ONE THING.
DID SHE SAY WHAT THAT WAS? BECAUSE I AM SO CONFUSED.
ME, TOO.
THIS SUCKS.
SO NOW YOU'RE A WOMAN.
TECHNICALLY, I THINK I'M ONLY A WOMAN FOUR DAYS A MONTH.
ONLY FOUR DAYS? WELL, THAT'S FOR MOST PEOPLE.
BUT YOU'RE SUPER-ORGANIZED.
I BET YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT IN TWO DAYS.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.
( sighing ) YOU KNOW, IF I WAS BECOMING A MAN I WOULDN'T DUMP YOU.
I DON'T WANT TO DUMP YOU, BOBBY.
I STILL WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
BUT FOR THOSE FOUR DAYS WHEN I'M A WOMAN I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.
DEAL.
I'LL SEE YOU IN TWO DAYS! DO YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE, HANK? NO.