The Middle s04e08 Episode Script

Thanksgiving-- that time of year when the whole country scurries about hunting and gathering for the holiday feast.
What are you doing? Frugal Hoosier started charging 10 cents for bags, so I told them to find another sucker, and I beat 'em at their own game.
Oh.
Listen to this.
I saw this flier that says you can sign up to host two Marines at your Thanksgiving dinner.
How cool would that be? Well, it depends on whose house they're going to.
Come on.
It's the Marines.
We don't do anything for this country.
All we have is that "support our troops" bumper sticker, and Axl turned it into "support our poops.
" Plus Nancy Donahue doesn't have any.
We'd be the only ones on the block.
You really want to invite outside observers into this place? I actually think it would be nice to have guests.
- We've already got your parents coming.
- They're not guests.
- Sure feel like guests when they kick me out of my bed.
- Mike Don't say my name and think you can make me do stuff.
Well, I was hoping you'd have a different reaction, 'cause I already signed us up.
What? Why'd you even ask? Because I had to act quick.
I was afraid they were gonna run out of Marines.
There aren't that many of them, you know.
It's right there in the motto-- "The few, the proud.
" I gotta say, I thought you'd be more patriotic about this.
I am being patriotic.
These people fight for our country.
Haven't they been through enough? Oh, crap.
I think I left the frozen food on the porch.
Brick! This book is life-changing.
Mom dropped me at the library to find the perfect holiday read, and out of nowhere, it just appeared to me.
"The real true behind-the-scenes story of the making of Erich Segal's Really? All the books they got in the library, and that's the one you picked? Have you read it? It's fascinating.
How did I go so long without finding this? It's a Thanksgiving gift, I tell you.
A gift.
You know, the only thing that would have made that better is if strangers were here to see it.
Meanwhile, Brick wasn't the only one with a fascination for the library.
Over the past few weeks, Axl had become very focused on his studies.
So the biggest thing you need to study for your test is "The legislative branch.
" Wow.
Your handwriting's pretty Terrible.
Uh, but I can say that 'cause my handwriting is awesome.
Maybe I need a handwriting tutor.
Maybe you do.
"Axl is brilliant.
" Pretty impressive, huh? Uh-huh.
It'd be even more impressive if you spelled "brilliant" with two L's.
Oh, it's my boyfriend calling from Northwestern.
I should take this.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool.
Yeah, I gotta get to the foot doctor anyway.
You know.
I'll see you later, and just don't worry about, uh, anything.
Just uh, good luck.
Okay, no unauthorized non-mascots are allowed in here, so tell nobody what you are about to see.
Where's the head? Brad, the head is gone! Gone! The crack in my foot is gone! The Ax Man's back in the game! Stomp on my foot! Go ahead! I'm healed! I'm a medical miracle! Are you serious? Doctor says as long as he's not in pain, he's good to go.
Does that mean he can play Friday? With the recruiters there? Yep.
We might not have to pay for college with our kidneys after all.
Oh! Oh, Mike! You know what? I'm telling you, Mike, us opening our hearts to the Marines is the reason he got better so fast.
You put good out into the world, and good comes back to you.
We would have been here two hours ago! But Vasco de Gama here decided to take one of his legendary shortcuts.
He got so lost, we never got to stop at Costco! What, so you couldn't get your giant pop and hot dog? Do you know how many carbs are in one of them buns? You lose 4 pounds, and suddenly you're Jack Lalanne! - Happy Thanksgiving! - Happy Thanksgiving! And come hell or high water, I was determined it was gonna be.
'Cause turns out we had a lot to be grateful for this year.
And Axl couldn't wait to share the good news.
I'm cured! The Ax Man has riseth! Or is it "risen-eth"? Doesn't matter.
'Cause my foot healed three weeks early.
Stomp on my foot.
Go ahead.
Honestly.
I'm fine.
Wow, that's great, Axl, but I'm kind of busy here.
Gene has a big test on world War II tomorrow.
Well, grab a pencil, Gene.
We won.
And you know who else is gonna win Friday night? Orson, when we kick Roosevelt's butt! So you're actually gonna play in the game? You really think that's a good idea? Uh, it's not just a game, it's the championship, which reminds me, I'm gonna have to start leaving our sessions early for practice, but Great.
So you're gonna skip studying so you can go bash your head into other guys' heads.
Sounds like a super solid plan.
You know what? Why don't we just skip it altogether? Wow.
You know what you should tutor people on? How to ruin the world's greatest moment, 'cause you are awesome at it.
I don't know what to tell you, Axl.
Sorry this didn't happen the way you played it all out in your head.
Let me tell you something.
This is not a normal response to awesome news, okay? Guess what?! Playing in the championship Friday! That was a normal response.
I've checked everywhere, and it's nowhere.
Not the dry cleaners, not the pizza place, not the bleachers where I watch the guy mow the lawn.
The school trusted me with its mascot, and I have let everyone down.
This is a disaster! I'm literally a chicken with its head cut off.
Well, she wasn't the only one.
Three days until Thanksgiving, and we were nowhere near Marine-ready.
Ugh! I just want everything to look right for the Marines.
If I use this picture to cover the wallpaper scar, does that look okay? I'd lower it, like, 2 inches.
Yeah, listen to her.
She's the expert on everything.
I married Mrs.
Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "always.
" Get this-- apparently, the scenes in Love Story with Oliver walking through a snowy New York were added after principal photography was completed.
After! Oh, I just adored Love Story.
Hey, Brick, why don't I rent us a copy, and you and I can watch it together? Why would we do that? I'm with you, Brick.
Love Story was a lousy movie.
What do you know? You slept through it like every movie we see.
Then you woke up and said it didn't make sense.
I'll tell you what was a good picture.
The Longest Day.
You ever see that? Don't need to.
I'm living it.
Ugh.
Jeez.
What is wrong with my parents? You're gonna have to be more specific.
The bickering.
It's nuts, right? I don't get it.
I mean, it seems to be getting worse.
It's worse, right? Frankie, they've been together 50 years.
Just be happy they're not starring in a Dateline unsolved mystery.
Well, I'm almost wondering if having the Marines here is a good idea at all.
- Now you're wondering? - You know what it is? They've been alone too long.
Maybe we need to remind them why they love each other.
Like, reboot their brains so they start being nice to each other again.
What'd you do with my goji berries? Oh, yeah, I live to hide your goji berries! Good luck with that.
Come on.
I'll throw you a couple.
No, thanks.
I'm kind of busy here.
You're poking the earth with a stick.
What's going on with you, Axl? You got a huge game Friday.
The big comeback.
Everybody from school's gonna be there.
Not everybody.
What's that mean? Nothing.
Hmm.
So Help me out here.
The other day when the doctor said you could play in the game on Friday, weren't you the guy who asked him if you could kiss him on the mouth? Yeah.
I was excited, but then I started thinkin' You know, this whole studying thing is kind of working out for me.
Maybe I should just stick to that.
Studying.
Okay.
I think I know what's going on here.
You're nervous.
You haven't played in a while.
There's a lot riding on this game.
I get that, Axl.
But sometimes you just gotta lay it all out there and go for it.
I don't know.
Trust me.
Don't ever let fear stop you from going after what you want.
Mike's advice really hit home for Axl Just not exactly the way Mike had intended.
Cassidy, I like you.
I never really saw myself with a girl like you before.
You know, I usually just go for hot chicks.
Not that you're not hot.
It's just you're just hot in a different way.
Um, you use words like "perseverating" and "truncated," which is a really cool word for "short," but I never knew that until I met you.
And I have so many things to say to you, but I'll try to keep it truncated.
I like hanging out with you.
I think it's cool that you think I can be smart and you listen to violin music, and you watch movies with the typing at the bottom.
And my whole life, I have loved football, but it's weird, 'cause it just doesn't seem to matter to me if it doesn't matter to you.
And I want you to come to my game, Cassidy.
And I know you have this guy who calls you from college, but he's not here now, and I am, and I like you, and I think you should go out with me.
Oh.
Wow, Axl.
That's a lot.
Seriously, that is all so nice of you to say, but I-I just-- see, my boyfriend's coming to spend Thanksgiving with me, so I don't think I can come to your game, but thanks.
I mean, yeah, thank you.
Uh Yeah, cool.
Cool.
Cool.
Uh You know I just I'm asking everybody to my game, not just you.
So Hey! Anybody wanna go watch me play football Friday night? I'd love to, Axl.
Can I bring my snake? What do you think? Well, that depends.
Is there gonna be a president giving a speech off the back of a train? I just want it to look patriotic for the Marines, to show we care, you know? Because they do so much for our country.
It's the least we can do for them.
Wow.
Okay, can I tell you guys one more thing? - No.
- Nobody cares, Brick.
Who do you think was the studio's first choice for the part of Oliver? It was Beau Bridges.
Can you believe it? Uh Who's Beau Bridges? I asked you to do one thing-- pack my ginkgo biloba.
They're your ginkgo biloba.
You want 'em, you gonna pack 'em.
- You're a grown man, for God sake.
- They're for my memory! How in the hell am I supposed to remember 'em if I don't take 'em? Mom, dad, Mike and I were trying to remember that great story you always tell about your first date.
You know, how dad got lost and you ended up by the lake? What happened again? Oh, he got lost all right.
No surprise there.
- Yeah, she was probably talking so much, I missed the sign.
- No, it was sweet.
You got lost and you didn't have anything to eat, and mom pulled the crackers from her bag and-- Back then, he would eat crackers! Crackers are poison! Might as well eat a bag of sugar! Oh.
Excuse me.
Can we have a word with you gentlemen? Sure.
We would have talked to you earlier, but we didn't want to disrupt your rehearsal.
Practice.
Which one of you is captain of this company? Team.
He meant "team.
" Look, we know you stole our mascot head.
So the joke is over.
We want it back.
Oh, no.
You lost your head? I guess it's true what they say about how the body still runs around without its head.
See you Friday night, losers.
- That's it.
There's only one way to settle this.
- No! Brad! Dance fight! Five, six, seven, eight Who punches a guy while he's on his tippy toes? That's not how a dance fight works.
I mean, seriously, where did that guy go to summer camp? Ugh.
I know.
I didn't even get to do my pas de bourree.
Aw.
In Mexico, it's known as Historia de Amor.
In Finland, it's Rakkaustarina.
I feel like you're not listening.
That's because I'm not, Brick.
The Marines are gonna be here any minute.
Axl, put on some clothes and comb your hair! To what end, mom? To what end? Mike, I'm gonna be busy with the Marines, so you're in charge of corralling the bickermans at dinner.
How come you get the Marines, and I get your parents? Because you didn't want the Marines here.
In my defense, I didn't want your parents here, either.
Oh! Okay, that's them.
Quick, everybody put your flag pins on.
Well, hello there.
Wow, we got a couple of good ones.
Hi.
I'm Frankie Heck.
Corporal Nick Martinez.
Sergeant Justin Howard.
We can't thank you enough for inviting us into your home, ma'am.
Oh, please.
It's the least we could do.
You do so much for us.
Wow.
I love your uniforms-- the badges and the stripes.
I don't know what they mean, but you must be very brave.
Hey, Nancy! Just having dinner with America's heroes-- two of 'em! Happy Thanksgiving! So the screenplay was turned down by every studio in Hollywood, but Segal's agent, Howard Minsky of the William Morris Agency-- This is my son Brick.
That's my other son Axl.
He's just waiting for the iron to heat up so he can press his slacks.
What are slacks? Get dressed.
Mom, does this say "chicken" to you? This is my daughter Sue.
And oh, this is my great aunt Edie, and my parents Pat and Tag, and my husband Mike.
You have a very beautiful home, sir.
Well, you've seen too many bombed-out cities, but thanks.
So, um, Corporal, why don't you sit there, and, Sergeant, you can sit there.
So it'll be Marine-Frankie-Marine.
Just like a Marine sandwich.
Or we can sit wherever.
Look at this.
All poison.
I can't eat any of it.
Eat it, don't eat it.
Nobody cares.
Hey, you two lovebirds don't mind if I squeeze in here, do ya? Well, shall we get started? I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.
Just wanted to get that out there.
You know, where my allegiance lies.
So before we eat, um, why don't we go around the table and everybody say what they're thankful for? It's kind of our Thanksgiving tradition.
- It is? - Since when? I'll start.
Well, I'm thankful for the freedom that you two provide with your guns and stuff.
And I have to say, I, for one, have never felt so safe in my own home.
I'm thankful for all my fellow Marines who put themselves in harm's way every day so we can all live and prosper in the greatest country in the world.
I'm thankful that the theme from Love Story hit number 39 on the US music charts.
I'm thankful I'm still running on my own steam.
What the hell's that mean? Don't make any sense.
I think I'm allowed to say what I'm thankful for without comments from the peanut gallery.
I'd like to go in a different direction this year and say what I am not thankful for.
I am not thankful for Roosevelt High, specifically the football players at Roosevelt High, who cheat at dance fights and steal people's chicken heads.
- Axl? - Pass.
- Aunt Edie? - Merry Christmas! I'm thankful that's over.
Who wants some potatoes? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I-I didn't get my turn.
I was gonna tell the story about how when I was stationed in Korea-- You were a file clerk.
Hey, there was a lot of tension in that office! Um, hey, uh, so, uh, I bet being a Marine keeps you busy.
Actually, we just did a recon mission if Afghanistan to recover a downed drone.
Wait a minute.
Say there was some sort of top-secret object hidden somewhere in Roosevelt High School.
Would you two be able to recover it? Sue, the Marines aren't helping you find your chicken head.
It's their day off.
So, Afghanistan-- that must have been so dangerous.
Well, when you're dealing with terrorists, it can get a little sticky.
Well, the real enemy isn't terrorists.
It's refined sugar.
Kills a hell of a lot more people than Al Qaeda ever did.
You don't have to talk everybody's head off all the time.
You know, they hide from him at the bank.
You're just jealous 'cause the weight's falling off of me.
Somebody here has a love affair with gluten.
Speaking of gluten, you guys like football? 'Cause, uh, my son here has got a big game tomorrow.
I don't even wanna talk about the game.
Why do we have to talk about the game? I think I have a pretty good idea of where it is.
If we go in at nightfall, I think that would be best.
But I don't have to go if you think I'm just gonna get in the way.
I could be sitting in a nearby van, talking you through it over headphones.
It was a moonless night.
I was stationed in Korea.
- And my boot came untied-- - Everyone's heard the story, Tag.
You tell it every Thanksgiving.
The Marines haven't heard it.
Yes, they have.
You've told that story so many times, it's gone all the way around the world, and even they have heard it.
You know, if you got some sleep, - you wouldn't be so cranky.
- And whose fault is that? You took my side of the bed.
I told you many times, it's different here.
The bed's turned around.
I think I know how to sleep.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You had your first date on St.
Patrick's Day, and dad wanted to take you to the movies, but he got lost, and you thought it was so funny.
And you ended up down by Lake Monroe, and you were hungry, so mom shared her saltines from her purse.
And you were both worried because the crackers made your mouth dry and you thought your first kiss was gonna be disastrous.
But it wasn't, because you kissed, and you felt the earth move, and you knew you were supposed to be together because you loved each other, damn it! They've been through war, and they couldn't even make it to pie.
So as we learned, Thanksgiving is not a holiday for observers.
And the next day, we were still stewing in our own family juices.
Heck is the ball carrier.
And it's a fumble.
That's Heck's third fumble of the game.
Sue blamed herself.
Without her mascot head, she just couldn't bring the spirit.
Luckily, Brad scrounged up what he could from his theater camp, but the thundering chicken bear didn't exactly scream confidence.
Wilson drops back to pass.
He finds Axl Heck.
Heck drops the ball! And I thought the end of Love Story was sad.
Time-out.
Time-out.
Time-out-- Orson.
Come on, guys! Bring it in.
Bring it in.
Axl, what is going on with you? I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm trying to focus, but all these thoughts keep popping into my head.
I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't have played.
And then I think I should be studying more.
Then I think what if I hurt my foot even worse? I'm freaking myself out here! Axl, that's your problem.
You're thinking too much.
What? Everything good that's ever happened to you in your life happened because you weren't thinking.
Look at me.
Look at me! The only way you're gonna win this game is if you go out there and do what you do best.
Don't think.
You get back out there, turn your brain off, and win this game! Sometimes the wisest advice comes from the mouths of chicken bears.
- Go! - Yes! Whoo! The hand-off goes to Heck.
He runs left.
Heck reverses field! Heck is running for the wrong end zone! What is he thinking?! He's not! Go, go, go, go! Go! Yes! Touchdown.
Yeah! Whoo! Sue's speech worked.
Once Axl stopped thinking, he scored two more touchdowns and led his team to the city championship.
Hey! That was one hell of a second half you played there, Heck.
I'm really hoping to see you and that healed foot of yours at East Indy next year.
Yeah? Me and my foot would love that.
All right! Go, Dragons! Hey.
Hey.
That was an amazing game.
I've never seen anything like it.
I'm not gonna tell you you were awesome, 'cause you already think you're awesome.
But that was pretty awesome.
Wait, you-- you saw the game? I thought you had dinner with your boyfriend.
Yeah, well, that kind of got cut short when I told him that I like somebody else.
You like somebody else? Yeah.
You.
Oh.
Sorry, I've been told not to think.
Do you have any plans? Yeah, but I can blow 'em off.
What'd you have in mind? This.
We never did quite get why Brick loved that book so much.
Maybe it's 'cause everyone loves a great love story.
Whether it's that magical moment at the beginning when everything is new and exciting, or even when it's not so new and exciting.
What are you doing? We're supposed to be on I-70.
I'm not taking 70.
I know a shortcut.
Oh, God, not another shortcut.
We'll be lucky if we're home by Christmas.
Fine, fine.
We'll take 70.
But only because you're cute.
Oh.
After all, the greatest love stories are the ones that last forever.