Home Improvement s04e10 Episode Script

Jill, Jill, look at this stuff.
Excuse me.
I'm working here.
It looks like you need a break.
Look at this.
I was going through I found some stuff I made in my old shop class.
Huh? First-year assignment, a tool box.
That's good for carrying around lopsided tools.
That's real funny, honey.
I got this stuff out because I talked to my old shop teacher today.
Oh, Mr? Leonard.
Leonard, right.
The man who first recognized your unnatural need for more power.
That was Fire Chief O'Malley.
When was the last time you saw Mr.
Leonard? Uh gotta be 20 years ago.
He's in town seeing his niece.
He saw me on Tool Time.
You know what? I would really like to meet him.
Why don't you invite him over? Did it.
He's coming to dinner tomorrow night.
You'll make his favorite - corned beef and cabbage.
What will I be wearing, Your Toolness? I'm hoping for something in a wood or a metal.
I'll go with that aluminum Miracle bra.
(laughs) You're gonna love this guy.
Just watching him spot-weld would bring tears to your eyes.
Yeah.
Spot-welding does bring up so many emotions.
This is the guy who encouraged me to make this.
What is that? It's a toilet paper dispenser.
I would like to see the toilet that that goes with.
This isn't an indoor dispenser like the other kids made.
This is for TP-ing the great outdoors.
Watch.
No.
Clear! Ooh! Well, how do I look? Oh, you're so cute.
You're trying to impress your teacher.
Actually, I'm just trying to make up for the last impression I made on him - about a 3-inch gash in his forehead.
Mom, promise me you'll never invite one of my teachers to dinner.
Hey, Dad, do you think if you misbehave, Mr.
Leonard's gonna give you a detention? (fake crying) Yes, Brad, that's what he's gonna do.
It wouldn't hurt you guys when he gets here to show me a little respect.
Well, we always try and show you as little respect as possible.
Sir.
(doorbell rings) You'd better show my shop teacher some respect.
This guy is a tough guy.
His handshake could crush a 2-ton gorilla.
I wonder what he's been up to since he retired.
I hope he's not working at the zoo.
Mr.
Leonard! Hey, Tim Taylor.
Oh, no handshakes.
I'm still getting over that 1971 crush you gave me.
Don't worry about it.
How are you? How you doing? You look great.
Let me have your coat.
Boys, boys, come on, line up.
These are my boys.
They know their way around a workbench.
The youngest, Mark.
Hey, Mark.
Randy and the older one, Brad.
Randy, Brad, nice to see you.
My lovely wife Jill.
Ah.
Works a good lathe, but not much of a welder.
But I'm great with a fire extinguisher.
And you're not bad with a put-down, either.
Nice to meet you, Jill.
It is so nice to meet you.
Tim has been talking about you for so long.
You know, I think he even mentioned you on our honeymoon.
Did you, now? Mm.
What I said was if Mr.
Leonard had built the bed, it wouldn't have collapsed.
Mr.
Leonard, Dad says you're the greatest shop teacher of all time.
You can stop kissing up.
I passed you.
All right.
Anything to drink? Anything cold.
Would you sit down, Mr.
Leonard? Only if you call me Art.
There you go, Art.
You can still call me Mr.
Leonard.
It is so great to see a mentor and a student reunited again.
I used to have an English teacher that affected me the way you did Tim.
Um, Mrs.
Holloway.
She introduced me to Shakespeare.
Gosh, I loved Macbeth.
I used to walk around going, "Out, damned spot! Out, I say!" Well, enough of your laundry stories.
How'd you like Tool Time? Oh, I loved it, Timmy.
I loved it.
You'll never know how shocked I was when I turned on the tube and there was your ugly kisser.
You surprised I had my own TV show, right? No, surprised you're still alive.
I'm telling you, boys, he gave us a lot of scares.
You too? (laughs) You retired.
How's that going? It stinks.
I hate it.
The only good thing is the golf clubs they gave me.
I never pictured you as a golfer.
I'm not.
I melted them down and made a lamp.
I melt down gifts all the time.
And not always on purpose.
Randy? Sir? I swear to you, it's the truth.
I mean, your father is a genuine original.
I got another one for you.
Even I can't explain this one.
He is gluing a table together one time.
Somehow a piece of the table gets stuck to his head.
There's a mistake I didn't let happen again.
Dad, didn't you do that? Here, have a cookie, will you, pal? Boys, it's time for you to go finish your homework.
Would you clear your plates, please? We wanna hear more stories about Timmy.
Randy, I got a million of 'em.
Believe me, after you finish your homework, I'll tell you more.
Brad, don't forget to practice your saxophone.
Mom, why do I have to practice so much? Because she said so.
And because practice makes perfect.
You ever heard of Charlie Parker? The guy who played Davy Crockett.
That was Fess Parker.
Charlie Parker was one of the greatest saxophonists who ever lived.
My teacher played a record of his.
He's really great.
That's right, and before he started practicing 16 hours a day, he used to sound like a foghorn.
Ships used to dock at his front door.
Now, get up there and toot your horn.
All right.
Gotcha, Mr.
Leonard.
It's great to see you, it really is.
Aw, Timmy, it's wonderful.
It brings back such memories.
(laughs) Do you remember the end of your first semester, the thing with the acetylene torch? Yeah.
I burned a little hole in the principal's office wall.
You remember what his reaction was? He was fuming.
Literally.
Oh, yeah.
He wanted me to take you out of shop class permanently.
The principal wanted me out? And the school board and the PTA.
I think I even got a call from the mayor.
And I told them all, "Thank you.
Go stick it in your ear.
" Why did you stick up for Tim? Because I had never seen a kid with so much enthusiasm before.
When I could get you to calm down and stop trying to set the principal on fire, you showed some real talent.
And that's why I told them to shove it - because I knew you were gonna be great, and I was right.
That's a very moving story.
I mean, the way that you saw Tim's potential early on.
That makes me think that I really should go and just look up my old English teacher Mrs.
Holloway.
(Brad playing saxophone badly) I think I'll just go close his door.
Why'd you get out of teaching? Oh, Timmy, I had no choice.
I put 30 years in the system.
They just put me out to pasture.
They let you go? Yeah, they said I'd passed my prime.
That's crazy.
No kidding.
I can weld circles around the kid that replaced me.
They can't replace a legend.
This Wait a minute.
I got a great idea.
On Monday's show, I can do a salute to shop class.
You could be my guest star.
Me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, remember first year we did that tool box? You could show everybody how you could still make one quick as a wink.
I don't know about quick as a wink with this arthritis.
You can do it.
I'm sure you can do it.
It will be great.
You could show a whole new generation of men how to do stuff with their hands.
Ar-ar-ar! What was that? You never heard the grunt.
I figured that out in college.
You got into college? Does everybody know what time it is? Tool Time! That's right.
Now, here he is, the star of the show, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Whoo! Thank you, Heidi.
Thank you, everybody.
Welcome to Tool Time.
We have a very special guest today - Tim's old shop teacher.
The man that taught me everything I know about tools.
And despite that, we're still happy to have him here.
Ladies and gentlemen, a big Tool Time welcome for the original "Tool Man" himself, my old shop teacher Mr.
Art Leonard.
Come on out here.
Good to have you here.
It's great to be here.
Mr.
Leonard, it's nice to meet someone who knows the trials and tribulations of working with Tim.
Al.
Let's You know, we could start our own 12-Step program - Adult Survivors of Tim Taylor.
I got a program.
How about Al-Be-Gone? Adults who fire Al.
Boys, do we really have to review shop rules? (Tim and Al) Sorry, Mr.
Leonard.
Our first project up is a tool box.
It's a perfect project for young tool men out there, and for us veterans, it's a - it's a warm look back at a kinder, gentler tool America.
That was very moving, Tim.
You guys ever stop yapping and get to the projects? (Al and Tim) Sorry, Mr Leonard.
We have a little surprise for you.
I've invited some of your old shop students down to do a cut with the master.
Heidi, bring out Mr.
Leonard's old shop students, please.
(laughs) For Pete's sake.
Frankie, my best student.
Boy, you sure churned out a lot of ashtrays.
(gruff voice) Thank you.
Came in handy.
(laughs/coughs) You remember me, Mr.
Leonard? Larry Lindover.
Larry! Great attitude, bad hands.
What are you up to these days? I'm a neurosurgeon.
And you are, uh? Benny Barony.
The reason I almost quit teaching.
You remember.
Hey, what happened to the hand-crusher? I got a little arthritis in there.
Hey, don't you owe me a birdhouse? I had a lot of extra homework.
Uh, I'll have it for you Tuesday.
Mr.
Leonard, I actually won a prize with my birdhouse.
Good.
Here's $20.
Make me a birdhouse by Tuesday? All right, let's get right to our project.
We've marked our designated areas off on our 24-gauge steel.
Now it's time to make our cuts.
Ready? OK.
I'm gonna hand over my tin snips to a higher authority.
Thank you, Tim.
Gentlemen, the important thing to remember is to cut the notches to their proper depth.
Marv, would you bring the camera in here? Let's watch the master make his first cut.
Now, it's thin metal, so the cut will be very easy.
Well, actually it's 24-gauge metal, so it won't be that easy.
You want me to help you with that? No, thank you.
Damn it! Why don't I make the cut and you tell everybody how we're gonna bend our notches? Since I'm running this class, I'll do the cutting, OK? You don't have to do the cutting.
You got plenty of students that could do that, sir.
Who, Frankie "The Lung" or Dr.
Butterfingers? No, thank you.
Here, let's make that first cut Hey, hey, I was doing the cutting.
Don't you ever take a tool away from me.
W-W-We'll be right back with a warm look at a kinder gentler tool America after these words from Binford Tools.
Mr.
Leonard Don't you ever tell me what I can and can't do.
I don't need some punk kid with a stupid TV show telling me that I can't cut metal! I just didn't want you to be embarrassed.
Little late for that now, isn't it? I wonder if I'm off the hook for the birdhouse.
Um, it was great to talk to you.
Thank you for calling me back.
Goodbye.
Hi.
Hi.
What's the matter with you? I called my favorite teacher.
All she wanted to talk about was her favorite student Robin.
Problems with your favorite teacher? Happen to see Mr.
Leonard on my show today? What was the deal with him? I broke the cardinal rule with men.
I offered help to a man that didn't want any.
It looked like he needed it.
That didn't matter.
By offering him help, it made him feel like less of a man.
Wait a minute.
You're trying to tell me that if you saw a guy trapped underneath a boulder and he didn't ask for your help, you wouldn't move the boulder? That is insane.
If I moved the boulder, the guy would feel like half a man.
If you didn't move the boulder, the guy would be half a man.
But that half would thank me.
And men say that women are illogical and irrational? They are, but what does that have to do with this? Forget it.
I tried to talk to him after Tool Time.
He wouldn't even talk to me.
Just packed everything up and went back to Toledo.
(phone rings) Maybe that's him.
Mr.
Leonard? No.
Hi.
Yes, she is.
Yes, I'm sure she does.
Hold on.
It's Mrs.
Hiawatha, or whatever her name is.
Mrs.
Holloway? I'm kinda glad she called me back.
She wants Robin's phone number.
Hey, Wilson, let me ask you a question.
Sure.
If a boulder fell on you, would you ask me for help? Well, that depends.
Are you the reason the boulder fell on me? That doesn't matter.
Well, it does to me.
I'm the one under the boulder.
Let's say it's my fault.
Wouldn't you be too proud to ask for my help? Why would I be too proud? 'Cause you're - 'cause you're a man.
Well, I guess that would depend on what part of me was crushed by the boulder.
Tim, are you speaking metaphorically? No, I'm just making a comparison.
Hmm.
All right, let's say you couldn't use your hands real well anymore, and I tried to help you out.
It'd make you feel like you had no dignity left.
"Boulderdash.
" Well, it would if you were a tool man like my old shop teacher and me.
We lose our hands, we lose everything.
There's a lot more to a man than his hands.
You have to look at his gestalt.
That's a good way to get a black eye in a locker room.
No, no, no, Tim.
"Gestalt" is a psychological term meaning that the whole is more than the sum of the parts.
Take you for an example.
You're a heck of a lot more than just Tim The Tool Man.
Yeah, but you know for guys, what we do is who we are.
Well, unfortunately sometimes society pressures men to define themselves in terms of their work.
I don't feel any pressure.
I like being Tim The Tool Man.
Yeah.
What happens when someday you're no longer able to be Tim The Tool Man? (whimpers) Ho-ho-ho? Oh, man, that'd be horrible.
I'd feel useless.
I wouldn't be myself anymore.
Tim, you are also a great husband.
You're a great father.
You're a great neighbor.
I think you might find your true happiness lies in being Tim the man.
That's a good point.
I like that one.
Would you mind driving down to Toledo and tell my old shop teacher that? I think it would have more meaning coming from you, even though I enjoy Toledo.
They say it used to be the glass capital of the world.
Well, if I'm going, I'd better get my glass in gear.
Yeah.
(knock on door) Yeah? What are you doing here? I came to ask a question.
What did I do wrong? Was it the measurements or the spot-welds? Now, let me get this straight.
You drove an hour and a half to ask me why a tool box you made 20 years ago is a piece of crap? Actually, I drove three hours.
It would've been an hour and a half had you had a porch light that worked.
What do you want, Tim? I wanna talk about what happened on Tool Time.
Boy, I must've looked like a real jerk.
You didn't look like a jerk.
Yeah, but you were right, Timmy.
I can't do it anymore.
I've been trying all day.
My brain tells me I can do it, but my hands just won't work.
Well, I have the opposite problem.
My hands can do it.
It's my brain that won't work.
When I was in high school and played football, I used to catch anything that came near me.
Now I can't even cut a piece of stupid metal.
For crying out loud, you're more than a set of hands.
Timmy, I was a shop teacher.
What do you think I taught with? How about look at the big picture? You know, if a boulder falls on you, society likes to pour ge-salt on your wounds.
What are you talking about? You weren't a good teacher because of your hands.
Oh, don't start that garbage again.
Look, Mr Look, Art.
You were a good teacher 'cause you stood up for guys like me.
You encouraged me.
You made all of us think that we could do something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I called all those guys to be on Tool Time, they lined up.
A lot of guys wanted to do this because you were the one teacher that made an impression on them.
Really? Yeah.
And you're the same guy.
Look what you did with Brad.
The Charlie Parker story? The kid won't leave the saxophone alone now.
That old chestnut worked again, huh? Just like it worked on me.
But I believe it was A.
J.
Foyt for me, right? It's been a lot of people over the years.
Tommy Lasorda, Mahatma Gandhi Two guys with very different eating habits.
Will you tell me how I ever passed you? It's not that bad.
You tried to eyeball that, didn't you? Maybe.
These spot-welds show promise.
Look at that.
That is a spot-welding disaster.
You're starting to rile me up.
Good.
Maybe if I get you riled up enough, you'll do it properly.
I got a piece of sheet metal over here that's already etched.
Let's see if you can do one.
Get those tin snips off the wall.
Right.
This time we do it.
Let's make a solenoid-operated top so it pops up when you Come on, for Pete's sake.
You don't have to improve everything, for Pete's sake.
All right.
Just concentrate on what you're doing, big shot.
First cut.
That's it.
Now, keep your hands steady, Timothy.
Steady, steady.
Cut it to the proper depth.
There you go.
That's it.
OK.
Now, steady.
(Brad playing "When the Saints Go Marching In" badly) Brad! Um, why don't you take a break and watch some TV? (continues playing) Would you like to have a snack? You can have junk food! How about taking the car out for a spin? (stops playing) Can I? No.
Will you just take a break, please? Sure, Mom.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
How'd it go with Mr.
Leonard? Patched everything up with him.
Oh, good.
Plus I got a chance to make this.
Wow! This is great.
But I thought you said Mr.
Leonard couldn't cut metal anymore.
Who did this? I did, Ms.
Sarcastic Pants.
With the greatest shop teacher in the world helping me.
It looks really great.
It looks like you made no mistakes.
Well, there was a slight accident.
Oh, no.
Did you blow up that lovely old man? Just most of his garage and half the block.
Just kidding.
(laughs) I had enough time to make this, though.
What is that? It's an indoor toilet paper dispenser.
Clap.
Uhh.
Yes! Clap.
Uhh.
Yes! And now you just