The Middle s04e10 Episode Script

Through all history big brothers have been torturing their little brothers.
But sometimes, little bothers get the upper hand.
Give me back my guitar! No.
I wont it playing air hockey fair and square.
What? But you don't even use it! That's not true.
I use it to store my post-its.
Wow.
You know? I'm bigger and stronger than you, so I could just take it back You take it back and I'll tell all your friends that I beat you in air hockey.
I like this wire the best.
It's a string! T-minus one day until the "Planet Nowhere" book releases.
Now that we're in the home stretch, I'll be switching to hourly updates.
Brick, enough with the reminders.
Your dad said he was gonna take you.
You're not the most reliable people.
Oh, and don't forget my costume.
I just need a furry hat and gloves that look like rocks.
And obviously, of course, a pointy nose.
Wouldn't want to look like an idiot.
Brick, I need to see you in my room right away.
It's muy importante.
Okay, as I'm sure you know, it's mom and dad's anniversary coming up.
It's their 20th! So what are we gonna do for them? We've lit up their lives every day.
What more do they want? I want to throw them a big surprise party, like you guys did for me.
You guys got me so good.
Remember? Hmm.
Sue, I'm gonna be busy reading.
The seventh and final "Planet Nowhere" book comes out tomorrow.
I've been reading these books for over half my life-- six years! It's all been building up to this final book.
You guys, it's their 20th.
Hey, I have an idea.
How 'bout we blow this one off and really hit it hard for their 40th? Axl, there might not be a 40th.
They're getting older.
They might be dead by then.
- Oh, my God.
- Sue, get a grip.
Okay, look-- let's just figure out who's doing what.
Invitations? I'll do those.
Food? I got it.
How about finding a venue? That's more of a me job.
Tell you what-- how 'bout you guys just work on the skit, okay? - Can we go? - Whatevs.
Okay.
But let's all leave the room at different times.
And everybody act normal.
Raise no suspicion! So that's why I think he'll concentrate more on the Silligans, who live in the outer rings, but we haven't heard from them since book four, so who knows? Certainly not me.
Okay, I'll start at the beginning.
- Hmm.
- So there's this planet that exists outside of time and space, its future rested solely on the whims of the mighty dwarf warrior Gallantra.
Wow.
Your 20th anniversary.
That's a really big deal, Frankie.
A really, really big deal.
Oh, I don't know.
People get so nuts.
It's just one year later than the 19th.
Still, glad you made me buy him a card.
Ooh, what's going on here? I bet it's a book signing.
This is where I got Joy Behar's autograph.
Have you read "Joy Shtick"? I'll lend you my copy.
No, they're releasing the last "Planet Nowhere" book today.
Actually, Mike and Brick should be in line somewhere.
Oh, I see 'em.
There they are.
Aw.
Look how cute Mike is.
He really is cute, isn't he? You know what? I'm gonna call him and tell him I see a cute guy standing in line at the bookstore.
You two are adorable.
They're taking Soran and Ramale to the Outer Rings! The Outer Rings! I knew it! Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Did you happen to get a phone call from me today? Uh Oh, yeah.
I guess I did.
Probably didn't hear it ring.
Oh, really? Well, I happened to be walking by the bookstore, and I saw you look at your phone, see it was me, and then shove me back into your pocket with your change and your lint.
Nancy Donahue saw it, too.
Yeah.
It was kind of embarrassing.
So you're mad because Nancy Donahue saw me not take your call? No.
I'm mad because after 20 years, my husband no longer wants to speak to me.
You know, it's our 20th anniversary, Mike.
That's a really big deal.
A really big deal! Come on, Frankie.
You-- you never get tired and don't feel like talking? No.
My husband calls, I pick up the phone.
What if it had been an emergency? Was it an emergency? No.
For your information, I was calling to tell you you were cute.
See, that's the problem with cell phones.
It's created a world where people call you just with whatever thought pops into their head.
What I do is, I actually remember the interesting things that happen during the day, and then I share them when I get home.
If you think about it, that's much more thoughtful.
Oh, I see.
So you ignoring my phone calls is actually you being thoughtful? I'm just saying there's two sides.
No, there's not.
There's one very mean side.
And you know what? Now that I'm looking at you, I'm glad you didn't answer.
'Cause you're not that cute at all.
You're actually kind of old.
Has anyone seen my "Planet Nowhere" book? I set it down on the air hockey table for a second because my eyes were starting to cramp, - and now it's gone.
- Wow.
- That is weird.
- You.
You stole my book! Brick, there's only one reason I'd steal your book, and that would be to draw boobs on it.
And if I did that, I would obviously show it to you.
This is all about the guitar, isn't it? You just couldn't stand the fact that I had your guitar, so now you took my book.
Mom, tell Axl to give me back my book.
You can find your book after dinner.
I was gonna read it at dinner.
Well, I guess now you're just gonna have to interact.
So, Mike, I can't wait to hear about all the interesting things that happened today that you've been saving up to share.
Everybody be quiet.
Shh.
Your dad's gonna talk.
You have the floor.
As a matter of fact, there was something interesting.
Today was Dave's birthday, so a couple ladies in bookkeeping threw him a party.
Eep! Yeah.
He was pretty surprised.
Oh, my God.
That was so close.
Oh, God.
When dad said "surprised," I totally thought they were onto us.
You know, I don't know how you guys kept it together.
Where's my book, Axl? I know you took it.
Hey! Until I see some proof, I will not even address these malicious and spurious charges! "Law & Order.
" Watch it.
- Axl! - Shh! Will you guys be quiet? They're almost onto us as it is! Oh, my God! Oh! It's coming up! It's coming up! Stop! Where are you going? I need your help! While Sue plunged deeper into party planning, Brick continued his increasingly desperate search.
Looking for this? I knew it.
I knew you took it.
Give it back right now.
Unh-unh-unh.
Mm.
Since you've been raving so much about this book, I decided to read it for myself.
Not the whole thing, of course.
Just the last chapter.
Wanna know how it ends? What? No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Pretty juicy.
Please, Axl, please don't tell me the ending.
I've spent six years of my life waiting to see how it ends! I don't know.
It's just so good.
I gotta tell somebody.
You can have the guitar back.
It's all yours! Eh, I don't want the guitar anymore.
I'm kinda into reading now.
Please, Axl.
Come on.
Just Just give me the book back.
Yeah, okay.
Thank you.
Professor Faxon has been dead the whole time.
- No! - The Seventh Circle only exists in Professor Faxon's mind! No! Planet Nowhere is just Earth four million years ago! No! Oh! Brick? I think I killed Brick! Oh, my God.
Still? It's been two days.
Now you're just milking it.
You're making me feel like this is somehow my fault.
Fine.
Be a baby.
I'm just saying, you should eat something, 'cause it's not healthy.
Our 20th anniversary was just 2 days away.
Did I really want to be fighting? I figured Mike had suffered enough.
Mike, I'm sorry I-- Mike? Hey.
What is this? What are you doing? Nothing.
Just having a steak.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Frankie, don't get all worked up.
I just-- I mean, first the phone call, and now this-- I don't believe this.
It's no big deal.
Oh, it is so a big deal.
So what? You just come here and eat steak? You just sit here and eat without me? Yeah, sometimes.
Sometimes? You've done this before? It's quiet.
I like it.
So you're saying you can't enjoy yourself during the day? No.
Can you? Well I just think it's rude.
You're having fun in the middle of the night without me.
You're cheating on me with fun.
Frankie, come on.
You make a big deal of the smallest things.
It's a freezer-burned steak.
Here, you want a bite? No, I don't want a bite.
I want to be invited by my husband to have dinner with him.
You know, this is worse than an affair.
- What? - Yeah.
I could understand if there were someone prettier or younger than me.
But you're more interested in nobody.
That hurts.
It's a steak.
I was hungry.
I made a steak.
You know, I was rolling over to say "I'm sorry.
" I was about to apologize.
You know, I think it's really convenient that you're always "about to" do something really nice just before I do something you blame me for.
Well, by the way, I wasn't rolling over to apologize.
I was rolling over to apologize.
Should have picked up that phone.
- Hey, Grandpa Big Mike.
- What are you doing here? Did you get my message about my parents' anniversary party? Oh, I doubt it.
None of my answering machines are working.
Oh, well, it's next Tuesday, and there's gonna be tons of speeches and toasts and stuff, and I was wondering if you might have some stories about them that you'd like to share? No, thanks.
Really? What about the first time you met my mom? Well She seemed nice enough, and I said, "are you really going to marry this guy?" And she said, "yeah.
" And I said, "all right.
" You looking for more? She was, but she wasn't getting it from Big Mike.
Why are we meeting in mom and dad's room? Because this is the last place mom and dad would ever expect us to be.
Oh! And by the way, we got nothin'.
Our party is a disaster.
The church is no longer available.
Turns out they do Zumba Jesus on Tuesday nights.
Grandma and grandpa are on vacation.
Grandpa Big Mike was a big "no.
" I told all of their friends to save the date, and none of them did! And have you and Brick written the skit yet? No.
Of course not.
So basically we don't have anything! You know what? A lot of this is your fault.
I really could have used Brick's help, but you broke him! Well he took my guitar.
He brought this on himself.
- He had to feel my wrath.
- Well, you know what? None of this is gonna stop me.
Because Sue Heck does not give up.
Why not? If anyone should give up, it's you.
We are just gonna have to scale it down! Simplify.
Work within our means.
But it is still gonna be spectacular, and it is still gonna be super secret! So lock it up! No mistakes! Hey, I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner tomorrow night for our anniversary.
I hear they re-did the fountain at Fountains.
- New bubbler.
- Okay, but we should eat light, 'cause I know you have a reservation for one at 1:00 in the living room.
Look, I'm just trying to get through this.
Aw.
After 20 years of marriage, "look, I'm just trying to get through this.
" Thanks so much.
That's beautiful.
It's like a fairy tale.
You are putting way too much pressure on the 20-year thing, Frankie.
Remember, we both said it's just a number-- one year after the 19th.
It's not that big a deal.
Clearly.
Ugh.
Why do the kids always leave their crap in here? Mike, look at this.
They're throwing a surprise party for us.
It's all our friends and family together at our church.
I can't believe they're doing this.
Music and speeches and a skit.
And it's all happening.
Everything's crossed off.
We have the best kids.
Don't we have the best kids? Yeah.
Almost makes you want to forgive the husband that gave 'em to ya.
Here, put this back in Sue's room.
Okay.
The next day was our anniversary, and I was flying high.
- Our kids weren't quite that excited.
- You guys! You're supposed to be helping me with the party! You know what your jobs are, so do them! Sisters, huh? She's crazy.
Good thing we got each other.
Right, bro? Come on, Brick.
What do you want me to say? I can't rewind time.
I can't undo what I did.
I messed up.
I'm sorry.
Just be my brother again, all right? I can't be alone with these people.
I don't play sports.
I don't exactly have a ton of friends.
I have books.
You don't read.
You don't understand.
You don't know what it's like to live in different worlds, to travel on great adventures through the galaxy with people you know better than you know your own family, to live and die with them.
Have you ever loved anything? Do you have any idea? These are my friends, Axl-- my best friends in the world.
You took away something from me that I can never get back.
You took it, and you wrecked it.
So the night of the party had arrived, and Mike and I were fully prepared to be surprised.
Now what? I don't know.
I guess we wait.
Hmm.
Do you think they got a party bus? Huh.
You know, even though I know we're being surprised, I'm kind of excited for everyone to jump out - and yell "surprise.
" - Yeah.
Hey.
What are you guys doing tonight? - Um, nothing.
Just hangin'.
- Hangin'.
Oh, really? 'Cause I think you are having a 20th anniversary party! What?! No way! - Are you serious? - Yeah! - Did you hear that, Mike? - Wow.
I'm really surprised.
Follow me.
No.
This way.
Welcome.
We have a lovely evening of skits, songs, and celebration of your marriage, followed by a delicious spaghetti dinner.
Now sit down and enjoy some nice appetizers.
Are you sure we have enough chairs? Okay, Brick, present the appetizers.
You didn't say I was doing appetizers.
Would you excuse me for just one moment? Yes, I did! I said it five times! Have you been listening to anything I've said? Just put together something quick! I'll stall! There seems to be a slight delay with the appetizers.
So while you're waiting, we're gonna do the photo montage.
Axl! The party is happening! I'm working on something! And now some photo memories.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
zoom zoom zoom going down the motorway Mm-hmm.
With you by my side I can feel my troubles float away We got miles to go ah Who's the kid in the coffin? Here.
You're my favorite girl in the world If you'd like to know how the dinner ends, ask Axl.
But I don't need to have all that 30 minutes later and still no food, friends, or family just Sue and a pot of boiling water.
I was beginning to wonder about that notebook.
Sorry for the delay.
It shouldn't be long now.
Oh, and I've just been informed we're out of pop, so how about a couple of nice glasses of refreshing tap water? This is either the best mislead ever, or this is it.
I think this is it.
- Really? - Would you come to this - if you didn't have to be here? - Mm.
Another 30 minutes, and we still hadn't eaten, and it was clear now that nobody else was coming.
Which is crazy, 'cause I saw the notebook, and everything was crossed off.
Ohh.
A-and he said, "so you're really gonna marry this guy?" And mom said, "yes.
" And he said, "well, all right.
" You should really hear grandpa Big Mike tell it.
It's so romantic.
What happened here? What happened was I had to do everything myself because you wouldn't lift a finger to help me! I told you I was working on something.
Whoa! Ugh.
This is way burnt.
All right.
Who wants dark? Who wants light? Axl, it is not funny! It's totally ruined, and that was my whole spaghetti budget! This whole party is a disaster! Oh, no, Sue.
That's not true.
This is really very nice.
It is not! I know it's not! And it's because of you! We had a plan! Whoa! It was never our plan.
It was your plan.
It's 20 years.
I wanted to make it special! You always gotta do this! You always gotta make a big deal out of everything! You do for family! You know what you can do for family? Is give us all a break.
God forbid I try to do one fun thing! You always try to do one fun thing, but it's never fun.
Fine.
Let's just get through it.
- I don't want to get through it! - Is this the skit? She's got you down.
- He's doing you to a "T.
" - Your spaghetti bowl is nothing - but a big pile of nothing! Ow! - I don't want it to be nothing! We apologize for the inconvenience, but it appears there's going to be an additional delay.
Perhaps some cold cereal while you wait? Aw, Sue, stop.
It's okay.
Stop.
It's your 20th anniversary.
I just wanted to make it great.
Oh, it's just a number.
And you already made it so much better than we were going to.
I mean, we didn't even get each other anything.
Speak for yourself.
What's this? Open it.
Oh, Mike! Oh, my God.
Oh, dad.
Smooth.
It's so beautiful! Wait.
I got you a card.
Damn it.
It's here somewhere.
- A-and I still might have to sign it, but - Frankie.
Oh.
I really love it.
So it turns out the guy who didn't take my calls and eats steak in the middle of the night saved up all year to buy me a ring.
Yep.
Even the people you know best in the world can still surprise you.
Yep.
Sometimes they surprise you a lot.
Here.
What's this? It's a, uh it's a new ending to "Planet Nowhere" that I came up with myself.
So, you know, you can have, like, the experience you missed out on, or something.
Really? You did this for me? Mm.
Wow.
This sucks.
Ha.
Are you sure? Maybe you just didn't get it.
You see, the entire planet lives inside the stomach of this ginormous dragon, and then when the dragon barfs it all up, - it's just, like-- - I-I get it.
Oh.
All right.
You know, actually there is a better way you can make it up to me.
The problem is you've never learned to appreciate books.
"Book one.
Chapter one.
Gallantra, The Mighty Dwarf.
Beyond our galaxy, beyond our time, beyond our collective memory, there exists a planet of curious origin"