Mike & Molly s04e11 Episode Script

Oh.
I'm glad I stretched.
Welcome to Salsa for Beginners.
I ask you to relax, be loose and enjoy.
Let me demonstrate.
Can we go? We haven't even danced yet.
Come on, I think I wrenched my knee getting out of the car.
You said it was your left knee.
I can have two bad knees.
And a bad attitude.
You said you were excited about this salsa class.
'Cause I thought it was a different kind of salsa.
The salsa is a whole body dance.
The music is the soul that triggers the spirit of the dancing.
Follow me.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm just letting you know right now, my body does not do that.
As you step forward, turn your hip as if your foot is squishing a bug.
Oh.
Then together, then back.
Squish the bug! Come on, squish the bug.
There you go.
I got to admit, the killing-roaches thing really made it make sense.
The rhythm is in the body, but the passion is in the hips.
She's got a lot of passion.
I can't stop staring.
It's oddly hypnotizing.
La, la-ba-dee-da La, la-ba-dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love Ooh, at the end of ten classes, we get personalized castanets.
Ten? I thought that stupid gift certificate was for one.
That thoughtful gift certificate was for ten, and it would be rude if we didn't do 'em all.
It was from your mother and Vince.
I'm fine with rude.
Mike.
Come on.
I did it once, because I love you.
And you're not gonna make me do it again, because you love me.
We never do fun stuff together.
And tonight changed nothing.
Oh, I'm sorry that dancing with your wife is such torture.
Hey, don't take it personal.
I would have hated that with anyone.
Come on.
I loved that class, and I don't want to do by myself.
For me? Oh, come on, that's not fair.
How am I supposed to say no to that? You can't.
Yeah.
You know, I think dance lessons will be good for you.
Get you more in tune with your body.
Why do you think wide receivers take ballet? 'Cause their wives make 'em? No.
Because they want to learn how to point their toes so they can get two feet in the end zone.
Think about what it'll do for your police work.
How is me salsa dancing going to help catch crooks? I would imagine a criminal pointing and laughing is easier to apprehend.
Why don't you tell your wife you don't want to take the lessons? Why don't you tell yours? I don't have one.
Exactly.
What are you complaining about? Salsa dancing is a blast.
Sexy music, short skirts, very erotic.
Yeah, me and grandmother we took lessons together for years.
Well, that is not creepy at all.
It kept me on the straight and narrow.
Instead of getting mixed up in drugs, I was addicted to the intoxicating rhythms of música Latina.
Ay! Ooh! No más.
You know, uh, you really seem to love this stuff.
Mm.
I don't suppose that you'd like to take a refresher course with Molly? You want me to go dancing with the woman who shares your bed? Well, no, not when you put it like that.
But yeah.
All right.
I'm game if Molly is.
Are you kidding? She'll be thrilled.
Before I came along, she used to do all sorts of fun stuff with gay guys.
Well, then, great.
Did you not hear what he just said? Yes.
Aw, thanks for coming with me.
I know this was the last thing Mike wanted to do.
No, no, no, no.
He-He-He He-He Yeah, he didn't want to come.
Yeah.
I'd much rather be here with someone who's enjoying themselves.
He kept trying to set off the fire alarm by twirling me into it.
Hey, so, what's the story with Esmerelda over there? She and Mambo Number Five an item? I don't know.
I think they're actually brother and sister.
Sadly, I don't think that answers my question.
Now I will show you an open break into a turn-in dip.
Oh.
Can I have a volunteer to try this with Esmerelda? I got this, Cocoon.
Now, look, I'm a little rusty at this, but I'm gonna try and limp through.
I'm gonna show your brother how this is done.
That that's my partner.
My partner.
Get ready.
We're next.
Okay.
I'm out of here.
Don't wait up.
Where are you going, sweetie? Dinner, movie, bar, dance club, after-hours club, after-party, house party, Denny's.
Be careful.
That Denny's can get rough.
I know, but I got to eat something before I go to work.
I am so glad that I am not single, and I don't have to do any of that anymore.
Are you kidding me? You never did any of that stuff.
I've been to Denny's.
I can't believe you're just sitting here while your wife is out dancing with another man.
It's not a man.
It's Carl.
I don't care who it is.
We gave you the dancing lessons for Christmas to get you both out of the house.
I told you, the only way to get this load off the couch was with hockey tickets.
We could have got hockey tickets? Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
Where you been? It's almost midnight.
Oh, well, after our lesson, a bunch of us went out to a club to practice our salsa moves.
More dancing.
Boy, I did dodge a bullet.
I don't know.
I think we were all just having so much fun, we didn't want it to end.
And I'll tell you, those guys might be in their 70s, but they got brand-new hips.
Well, I am glad that you had fun, and even more glad I didn't have to go.
Yeah, I mean, I missed you, but it was really fun getting to know Carl a little better.
Seriously? Yeah.
I mean, he's a really interesting guy.
Do you know he's saving up money to go to India? India? Yeah.
Sure he didn't say "Indiana"? 'Cause that's where he goes to buy his fireworks.
I'm sure.
Carl's a very spiritual guy.
Do you know he meditates for 20 minutes every day.
That's stupid.
Wonder why he never told me that.
Yeah, I can't imagine why he doesn't tell you stuff.
He tells me stuff.
I'll bet you didn't know he still has a baby tooth.
Ooh, is it the one that's cold-sensitive? I know, and he can only drink from his left side.
Well, I'll bet you didn't know he was an amateur magician.
I didn't.
Or did I? He showed you that?! Yeah.
He said he could never tell me because it was in the magician's code.
There's a certain level of trust between dance partners.
We have to have it.
It's complicated.
I'm going to hit the showers.
I heard you really tore it up on the dance floor last night.
Oh, well, I don't mean to blow my own horn, but So, what's the deal with going to a club afterwards? Oh, yeah, that was Molly's idea.
She took us to this hot little Cuban joint.
Man, I bought her a caipirinha and a cigar, she was like a little hip-shaking Fidel Castro.
Molly doesn't like cigars.
Really? She smoked that one down to the label.
And I love the story she was telling about fighting the baby bull in Mexico.
What? Her college trip.
With her a cappella group.
She sings cappella? Like an angel.
We're thinking about going to karaoke after the movie.
Who? Me and Molly.
When? Tonight.
What movie? 400 Blows.
Some old French film.
Why? 'Cause it's playing at the revival house.
How is this the first time I'm hearing about this? Molly said you wouldn't want to go.
I don't.
Then what's your problem? I don't know! You know, you could have asked me to go to the movie with you.
I did, a month ago, and you said you'd rather be eaten by wild dogs.
I didn't say that.
But it does sound like something I would say.
If I said it.
Which I didn't.
All right.
Well, don't wait up.
Well, how long's the movie gonna be? I don't know couple of hours.
And then we'll probably grab dinner afterwards.
You know, to discuss it.
What's to discuss? A movie either stinks or it doesn't.
Thumbs up, thumbs down, get in the car, go home.
Can we talk about this later? 'Cause I don't want to make Carl late.
He is so punctual.
I know what he is.
I've known him a lot longer than you have.
Okay, clearly you do have a problem with me going to this movie with Carl.
No, I don't.
You sure? Don't be ridiculous.
Okay, so I'm gonna go and you're gonna be fine? Absolutely.
All right.
What are you doing? I'm going with you.
Ooh.
Wow.
They did a beautiful restoration on this place.
Mm-hmm.
Sure wasn't this nice when it was a porno theater.
And you know that how? Oh, I busted it a few times when I worked Vice.
Oh.
Should have seen all the perverts scatter.
It's a strange sound, hearing You never worked Vice.
Don't embarrass me in front of your wife.
Aw You know, I did some reading up on this film.
It's part of the Neorealism school.
Mm-hmm? That means "new real.
" You know, Kurosawa said it was his favorite film.
Did he, now? Yup.
You don't know who that is.
I know he's Japanese and he liked this movie.
He's Japanese, right? Yeah.
Yeah, he's one of Japan's finest filmmakers.
Mm.
Is he the Godzilla guy? Yeah, he's the Godzilla guy.
Well, now, he knows what he's doing.
Maybe this won't be such a slow roast in hell.
I'm sorry.
He invited himself.
Black and white? Aw.
This better change in the middle like in The Wizard of Oz.
Shh.
Ugh.
It's like seeing a boring movie and reading a horrible book at the same time.
Shh.
400 Blows.
They got half that title right.
Shh.
I'm a cop and I smell the pot.
Do not shush me, Willie Nelson.
Mike, unless you can sit here like a grown-up and not complain constantly, go wait in the lobby.
You'd like that.
Yeah, we all would.
I'll be in the lobby.
You have any quarters? They got a Ms.
Pac-Man out there.
Okay, all right.
Well, that was very enjoyable.
Oh, I'm so glad you liked it.
Truffaut's a genius.
I mean two hours you're just transported to Paris in the '50s.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, great.
What's for dinner? Sushi.
How about pizza? Carl and I already decided on sushi.
Really, is that what you want, Carl? A slimy squirt of tuna on rice? Hey, I will go wherever the two of you decide.
Great.
Carl wants pizza.
He didn't say that.
Just go to the sushi place.
Don't let her bully you, Carl.
Stick to the plan, Carl.
I'm your partner, Carl.
Dance with the one who brung you, Carl.
Do the right thing, Carl.
Be a man, Carl.
I can't believe he dumped us.
I can.
Well, that evening was a bust.
At least I taped the Bulls game.
Are you serious? Oh, yeah.
I made sure not to look online or pass any televisions.
I didn't even talk to people wearing red.
Be like getting two and a half hours of my life back.
Oh, must be a big game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tough opponent? Oh, yeah, the Pacers.
Oh, man.
'Cause the Bulls win by three.
Aah! What are you doing? You ruined the game for me.
Oh, did I? Ugh.
I'm sorry.
That's real mature.
I'm mature Really? Okay, why did you even come tonight? I don't know.
I do.
I think you're jealous of me and Carl.
I'm not jealous-jealous.
I'm just uncomfortable with you sharing stuff with Carl and doing stuff that I can't.
It's not that you can't; It's that you won't.
Or you don't.
I went to that dance class with you, and I didn't want to do that.
Yeah, I know, because you complained all night.
That's why it was more fun to go with Carl.
I'm sorry, I can't dance like Carl.
Well, nobody can.
He's amazing.
Okay, that's that's not the point.
The point is that I I would've preferred to be dancing with you all night.
Why? I suck.
Well, so do I.
That's the fun of it.
Sucking together.
Move.
You know how great it would've been if you just would have tried the salsa classes with me or sat through that boring movie? So you admit it was boring.
Of course it was boring.
It was an old, pretentious French movie.
Then we could have gone and hated it together, then come home and made fun of it together.
I didn't know that was an option.
'Cause you didn't even try.
Which is all I ask.
Okay.
I get it.
I need to try more stuff that you love so we can hate it together.
No, not Not just what I like We can we can hate what you love, too.
Really? 'Cause there's someplace I've always wanted to take you, but I didn't think you'd like it.
Really? Where? Well, I Oh, God, no, wait.
Don't tell me.
Okay, tell me.
Oh, okay.
We have Okay, no, no, no.
Keep it Keep it like a surprise.
No.
J-Just say it, just say it.
- I okay.
Oh.
- No, don't, no, don't.
Like Okay, go.
Okay.
All right! Don't do it! This is awesome.
Why did you think I would hate this? Because you don't like guns.
I don't.
But I love shooting them.
We should get bigger guns.
Slow down, Annie Oakley.
We'll get there.
We got our entire lives ahead of us.
Yeah, I love you, too.
Lock and load.
You are so getting lucky tonight.
Shh.
I'm trying to count.
You're adorable when you try to count.
Squish, yeah.
Squish, yeah.
Oh.
You don't think Carl's gonna be upset that he's not taking me to class anymore, right? I think he'll be all right.
Wait, what squish was I on? Uh-huh.
Yeah.
See, now, you taught me something about salsa.
I'm gonna teach you a little something about cinema.
They call this French Neorealism.
That means "new real.
" What time did your brother say you had to be home? Shh.