King of the Hill s04e13 Episode Script
Hanky Panky (Part 1)
HEY, DAD, WHEN YOU GO UP TO GIVE YOUR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH DO YOU WANT ME TO STAND NEXT TO YOU AND PRETEND I'M DOING SIGN LANGUAGE? BOBBY, THE BLUE FLAME OF VALOR AWARD IS THE HIGHEST HONOR THE TEXAS PROPANE GAS ASSOCIATION CAN BESTOW UPON ANY CURRENT OR ACTIVE MEMBER IN PEACETIME.
SHOW SOME RESPECT.
AH, MR.
STRICKLAND'S WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
Hank: THAT'S NOT HIS WIFE-- THAT'S DEBBIE FROM WORK.
PRETTY GAL LIKE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET A DATE.
( spoon tapping glass ) HOPE Y'ALL ENJOYED YOUR MEAL.
( chuckling ): I HAVEN'T, UH SEEN SO MUCH CHICKEN IN ONE ROOM SINCE THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
NOTHING.
NOW, THE FIRST BLUE FLAME OF VALOR OF THIS MILLENNIUM GOES TO MR.
HANK HILL OF STRICKLAND PROPANE.
( applause ) ( clears throat ) THANK YOU.
AS A YOUNG BOY I ALWAYS DREAMED OF WINNING THE SUPER BOWL.
THEN, AS MOST OF YOU KNOW THAT DREAM WAS CRUSHED ALONG WITH MY ANKLE IN THE CLASS 2A STATE FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP.
WELL, I KNOCKED AROUND FOR A WHILE, SOWED MY OATS GOT A JOB AT JEANS WEST.
LONG STORY SHORT, ONE DAY AT J.
W.
I SOLD A PAIR OF JORDACHE TO A MAN WHO WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE.
TO QUOTE DR.
LUTHER KING "I HAD ANOTHER DREAM"-- TO SELL PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES.
DR.
KING.
MMM.
THE NAME OF THE MAN AND THE DISTRIBUTORSHIP WHO MADE ME DREAM AGAIN? STRICKLAND.
THE "S" STANDS FOR "SERVICE.
" THE "T" IS FOR "TRUST.
" "R" IS FOR "RELIABILITY.
" NOW, THE "I" STANDS FOR Woman: JACKASS! Hank: NO.
( chuckling ): NO.
IT'S FOR "INTEGRITY.
" THAT'S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT LETTER.
HEH.
Thatherton: THAT'S MRS.
STRICKLAND.
THIS OUGHTA BE GOOD.
NOW, MIZ LIZ, JUST CALM DOWN HERE.
WE IN PUBLIC.
YOU ARE IN PUBLIC WITH THIS LITTLE BIMBO IN FRONT OF HALF OUR CHRISTMAS CARD LIST.
ARE THOSE MY MOTHER'S EARRINGS? "C" IS FOR, UH, "COMPASSION.
" Miz Liz: I WANT YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE! YEAH, BUT, SWEETIE AND OUT OF THE LAKE HOUSE! UH, THE LAKE HOUSE? I'M SORRY I STOLE YOUR THUNDER, HANK.
PLEASE, START OVER.
UH WELL, UH UH NOW, WHERE WAS I? Thatherton: "D" FOR "DONE.
" HANK, MY OFFICE.
PRONTO.
NOW, WE GOT TO MOVE FAST.
HANK, GIVE ME, UH, GIVE ME WHATEVER CASH YOU GOT.
UH-HUH, SON, YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF A BARBECUE JOINT.
"I HEREBY TRANSFER 100% OWNERSHIP OF SUGARFOOT'S BARBECUE TO HANK HILL.
" YEAH, THAT'S RIGH AND AFTER MY DIVORCE IS FINAL YOU'LL THEREFORE TRANSFER 100% OWNERSHIP BACK TO ME.
MIZ LIZ CAN'T HAVE HALF OF WHAT I DON'T OWN, SEE? ( chuckling ) YOU SABE, DON'T YOU? SIR, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU OWNED SUGARFOOT'S.
THAT PLACE IS AN INSTITUTION, I TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU GOT YOUR SAWDUST ON THE FLOOR THE BRISKET SERVED UP ON BUTCHER PAPER YEAH, HANK, THIS AIN'T POETRY NIGHT.
NOW, DON'T WORRY-- THE PLACE RUNS ITSELF.
THE HELP MAKES THE BARBECUE; I MAKE THE MONEY.
NOW, GO TELL JOE JACK TO COME GET HIS NEW EVINRUDE OUTBOARD AND, UH, TAKE ROGER HIS SCIMITAR, WOULD YOU? WITH THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS I HEREBY NOTARIZE THIS BEER COASTER.
CONGRATULATIONS, HANK-- YOU OWN A BARBECUE RESTAURANT.
AND BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A COMMUNITY PROPERTY STATE I OWN HALF.
SO, IN ADDITION, CONGRATULATIONS TO ME.
NOW, LISTEN HERE, CHILDREN.
WE'RE A FAMILY.
NOW, DADDY STILL CALLS THE SHOTS BUT DEBBIE'S YOUR NEW MAMA.
AW, SHOOT.
PLEASANT MORNING TO ALL Y'ALL.
MY NAME'S JEWEL CRAWFORD, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU, YOU SORRY SACK OF SAKRETE.
STICKS AND STONES, BUCK.
THAT'S ALL YOU GONNA BE LEFT WITH.
WELL, YOU MUST BE THE ADULTEROUS CORRESPONDENT IN THIS DIVORCE.
AREN'T YOU PRETTY.
WELL, I SEE HOW YOU COULD MAKE A WEAK MAN STUPID.
( giggles ) THANK YOU.
JUDGE YARBOROUGH SENDS HIS BEST REGARDS AND THIS.
IT TELLS YOU WHEN YOU GOT TO LEAVE-- WHICH IS NOW-- AND WHERE YOU GOT TO GO-- WHICH IS OUT.
THERE.
YOU ALL CAUGHT UP.
GOT DANG IT, MIZ LIZ, LEGGO MY EGGOS! I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO HEAR THAT, MIZ LIZ.
NOW, YOU DRAG YOURSELF OUT THAT DOOR BEFORE MY OSTRICH BOOT PUTS YOUR EGGOS BACK IN THE TOASTER.
THANK YOU, JEWEL.
( muttering ) DEBBIE, YOU STAY HERE.
I NEED YOU TO BE MY EYES AND EARS.
I'M HIS EYES AND EARS.
( raspberry ) YES, BUT YOUR BUTT BELONGS TO ME BECAUSE FROM NOW ON I AM THE "STRICKLAND" IN "STRICKLAND PROPANE.
" ( groans ) UH, LOOK, MIZ STRICKLAND, I BELIEVE IN BEING DIRECT, SO, UH WELL, CAN YOU JUST FIRE ME NOW? I FIGURE YOU PROBABLY WANT TO BRING IN YOUR OWN PEOPLE.
( chuckling ): MY PEOPLE SHOP.
RELAX, HANK.
I-- AND MY LAWYER-- WANT THIS BUSINESS TO BE PROFITABLE.
I CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT YOU.
I NEED YOU ON MY TEAM.
HMM.
WELL I DO LOVE TEAMWORK.
HANK WHAT'S THE WORST JOB ON THIS TEAM? WORST PAYING OR MOST DEGRADING? AW, HELL, IT'S THE SAME FOR BOTH-- TANK WIPE.
DEBBIE! YOU'RE ON TANK WIPE! UGH, SAWDUST.
HEY, WAYNE.
HEY, BOBBY.
OH, THIS PLACE HAS SO MANY POSSIBILITIES.
HELLO.
MY NAME IS PEGGY HILL.
I AM THE NEW OWNER OF SUGARFOOT'S.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MR.
BUCK? OH, MR.
BUCK IS GOING THROUGH A NASTY DIVORCE SO HE SOLD THIS RESTAURANT TO ME AND MY HUSBAND WHO WILL BE A SILENT PARTNER.
OKAY.
NICE MEETING YOU.
WELL, I HAVE NOT MET YOU YE BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT TOLD ME YOUR NAMES.
WELL, THAT THERE'S ELVIN OUR SAUCE MAN.
UH-HUH.
AND BUBBA, HE SERVES THE BARBECUE BEANS OKRA, COLESLAW, WHAT HAVE YOU.
THAT'S MERLE-- SHE TAKES THE MONEY.
I'M LITTLE JOHN-- I CUT MEAT.
WELL, IT IS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, LITTLE JOHN.
AS MY FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER EMPLOYEES.
YOU ARE NOW TEAMMATES ON TEAM PEGGY HILL AND I AM YOUR CAPTAIN, PEGGY HILL.
UH-HUH.
THAT'D BE FINE.
MMM.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M LOOKING FOR BUILDING 25, APARTMENT 318D.
THIS IS IT.
YEAH, I'M IN HERE, OL' TOP.
HUH.
YOU KNOW DEBBIE'S PLACE IS RIGHT NEXT TO SUGARFOOT'S-- THAT'S A COINCIDENCE.
Strickland: NO COINCIDENCE.
I LIKE TO EAT, I LIKE TO HUMP, AND I DON'T LIKE TO DRIVE.
SO I BUILT SUGARFOOT'S NEXT TO THE SINGLES COMPLEX.
HAVE A SEAT.
THAT'S MY ITALIAN SCATTERGUN.
THAT GUN THAT SADDLE, THEM BOOTS, ONE MEASLY BOX OF CASH-- THAT'S ALL I COULD HIDE FROM MY WIFE AND THAT DAMN JEWEL CRAWFORD.
OH, EBAY HAS A SMOKEY AND THE BANDI SCREAMING EAGLE BLACK TRANS AM HOT WHEELS STILL IN THE BLISTER PACK.
HEY, BUCK, CAN I BORROW $400? THAT'S DEBBIE'S ROOMMATE LAURA.
IT'S GALE.
HERE'S WHERE I'M GOING TO STICK MY "LIGHT MY FIREBIRD.
" YOU'RE GOING TO SHUT UP NOW IS WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO.
GOT DANG IT, ARE THOSE MY PECAN SANDIES? THAT WAS DINNER.
HANK, LET'S DO SOMETHING NICE FOR OUR TUMMIES, HUH? ( groans ) Hank: UH, WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IF NONE OF THIS LOOKS GOOD? CREPE ST.
JACQUES.
AND THE FLORENTINE FOR MADAM.
( sighs ) ( laughs ) I CAN REMEMBER-- BARELY-- WHEN WAITERS DIDN'T CALL ME "MADAM.
" ( sobbing ) UH UH, LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED A REFILL.
OH, HANK I CAN FORGIVE MY HUSBAND'S BENDERS AND THE PROFANITY AND HIS INAPPROPRIATE COMFOR WITH ALL ASPECTS OF THE HUMAN BODY BUT IT'S THE WOMEN, HANK.
MY PURSE OF FORGIVENESS IS FINALLY EMPTY.
OH, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE SIDES.
MR.
STRICKLAND'S BEEN VERY GOOD TO ME AND I'VE WORKED FOR HIM AS LONG AS HE'S BEEN CHEATING ON YOU.
WE BOTH DESERVE BETTER, HANK.
I'D LIKE YOU TO HAVE THIS.
HANK RUTHERFORD HILL I'M MAKING YOU MANAGER AND I'M GIVING YOU A RAISE.
WOW.
MANAGER? WELL, I-I I HOPE YOU WON'T PASS THE COST OF MY RAISE ON TO THE CUSTOMER.
( chuckling ): YOU.
( sighs ) WELCOME TO OUR VERY FIRST TEAM MEETING.
NOW, THIS IS OUR NEW SUGGESTION BOX.
IT IS A WAY FOR EACH OF US TO ANONYMOUSLY SUGGEST WAYS WE CAN WHIP THIS PLACE INTO SHAPE WITHOUT FEAR OF LOSING YOUR JOB.
OH, SOMEONE'S ALREADY MADE A SUGGESTION.
THIS IS EXCITING.
"SWEEP OUT THE SAWDUST AND PUT DOWN CARPET.
CARPET-TEX IS HAVING ANOTHER GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE.
EXCELLENT.
APPROVED.
YOU KNOW, THAT BOX'LL WORK BETTER YOU CUT A HOLE IN THE TOP.
MM-HMM.
POSSIBLY.
NOW, IN ADDITION TO THE ANONYMOUS SUGGESTION I HAVE A FEW THOUGHTS OF MY OWN-- ELVIN WHEN CUSTOMERS WALK INTO SUGARFOOT'S WHAT'S THEIR FIRST THOUGHT? "I'M HUNGRY"? UH-UH.
IT'S "WHY ISN'T THIS PLACE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A CHAIN?" NOW, MY OWN EXPERIENCE TELLS ME THAT PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO SACRIFICE INDIVIDUALITY FOR COMFOR AND FAMILIARITY AND IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY WENDY'S FOUNDER DAVE THOMAS AGREES.
I LIKE THEM SQUARE HAMBURGERS.
EXACTLY.
NOW, EVERYONE, PLEASE OPEN UP YOUR CHORE ENVELOPE.
( phone ringing ) Hank: HELLO? OH, HI, MIZ STRICKLAND UH-HUH.
A PROPANE EMERGENCY? ( doorbell rings ) COME IN, HANK.
THERE SEEMS TO BE A-A PROPANE LEAK IN THE MASTER BATHROOM.
HUH.
IS IT THE WHIRLPOOL OR THE HEATER? ( chuckling ): YOU'RE THE PROFESSIONAL.
I JUST KNOW IT'S NOT HOT ENOUGH IN THERE YET.
SOUNDS LIKE THE HEATER.
HUH.
THIS MIGHT BE ELECTRICAL.
I KNEW YOU WERE THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB.
YOU KNOW, I GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, MIZ LIZ.
I WAS WORRIED WHEN YOU TOOK OVER AT STRICKLAND COULD YOU PASS ME MORE OF THOSE BATH BEADS? OH, SURE.
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO LEAVE STRICKLAND ( cork popping ) IS THAT CHAMPAGNE? AND THESE ARE TWO GLASSES.
HUH.
UH, UH, YEP, A-A BACKUP GLASS IN CASE ONE OF THEM BREAKS.
HANK LET'S GET IN THERE AND MAKE SOME SOUP.
HA! ( grunting nervously ) ( grunting and gasping ) OH, HANK.
OH, NO, NO, HANK.
( sputtering ) W WAIT.
( grunting frantically ) Miz Liz: HANK, I AM SO EMBARRASSED ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
YOU'RE A REAL GENTLEMEN AND I WAS A LITTLE LESS THAN A LADY.
I'LL TRY TO BE PATIENT WITH YOU AND WITH MY DESIRES.
UH UH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO PERSONAL ( gasping nervously ) IT WAS MY FAUL AND I'M TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF.
NOW HERE'S YOUR NEW MANAGER'S UNIFORM.
PUT IT ON AND LET'S GO INTO THE SHOWROOM.
IN RECOGNITION OF HIS DEDICATION TO THIS COMPANY I HAVE PROMOTED HANK HILL TO BE THE NEW MANAGER OF STRICKLAND PROPANE! ( applause continuing ) ( onlookers snickering ) ( coughing ): UH, BOY TOY.
( snickering ) "BOY TOY"? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
IT MEANS YOU'RE MIZ LIZ'S DEBBIE.
HEY SEE YOU AROUND DEBBIE.
( others laughing ) Buck: AW, JUDAS H.
PRIEST, DEBBIE.
DID YOU SHOVE A CAT DOWN THIS DRAIN? I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT BE YOUR WIFE'S SLAVE.
BUCK, YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
YOU'RE ON YOU OWN, DEBBIE.
I CAN'T HELP YOU NO MORE.
WELL, I'M TIRED OF WIPING TANKS ALL DAY TO SUPPORT THIS HOME WHILE YOU SIT THERE LIKE A KING WATCHING ALL MY CHILDREN WITH GALE.
GEEZ! NOW, I AM NOT A HISTORY BUFF, BUT I TELL YOU I DON'T REMEMBER LOUIS THE 14th SPENDING HIS DAYS PULLING HIPPIE HAIR OUT OF DRAINS.
YOU'RE OUT OF TORTILLA CHIPS, BUCK.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
DEBBIE, GET ME MY FLIP-FLOPS.
I'M GOING TO SHAVE IN THE POOL.
POOR PEGGY-- DOESN'T SUSPECT A THING ABOUT MIZ LIZ.
THERE IS NOTHING TO SUSPECT.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING EXCEPT MY JOB.
WELL, YOU CAN KISS THAT GOOD-BYE UNLESS YOU KISS MIZ LIZ IN A PLEASING MANNER.
YOU COULD CALL THE EQUAL EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY COMMISSION.
OR YOU COULD JUST PUT OUT.
SIX OF ONE.
I'M NOT GOING TO "PUT OUT," I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE MY JOB AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET PEGGY FIND OU ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
DALE, GIVE ME A CIGARETTE.
I THOUGHT YOU QUIT BECAUSE "CIGARETTES CAUSE DEATH.
" THEY DO, YOU KNOW.
SO, PACE YOURSELF.
Debbie: NEED A LIGHT? WHAT THE? DEBBIE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHY ARE YOU IN YOUR UNDERWEAR? I NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM MIZ LIZ.
SHE HATES ME.
WELL, YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER HUSBAND.
NO I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY BOSS.
YOU'RE MY BOSS NOW ( breathlessly ): HANK.
( gasps ) ( grunting nervously ) NO, SIR.
I AM SORRY BUT AT THIS POINT IN TIME I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REJECT YOUR ADVANCES.
HANK! STOP IT! ( panting ): OH, GOD.
THIS AIN'T OVER! NOBODY REJECTS DEBBIE GRUND! WELL, I JUST DID.
OH, YOU'LL BE SORRY, HANK HILL! WHAT THE? MR.
STRICKLAND? WELL, WELL THE PLAINTIFF CALLED ME GLOATING ALL ABOUT YOUR LITTLE RUB A DUB DUB IN MY TUB.
NOW, SOUP IS GOOD FOOD, HANK BUT KEEP YOUR SPOON IN YOUR OWN BOWL.
SIR WE GO BACK 15 YEARS AND IN ALL THAT TIME, I HAVE ONLY HAD ONE MISTRESS AND HER NAME IS "PROPANE.
" PEGGY AND I HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING ABOUT THAT.
OH, HECK, HANK, I BELIEVE YOU.
I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE SEX.
WELL, THAT IS NOT EXACTLY ACCURATE.
I HAD IT ALL, HANK.
I HAD A GOOD WIFE TO MOTHER ME.
I HAD A PRETTY, YOUNG GIRLFRIEND.
I WAS LIVING LIKE A FRENCHMAN BUT I BLEW IT.
I LOST MY WIFE, AND MY MONEY ( sniffling ): AND, NOW ( voice breaking ): I WANT MY WIFE AND MY MONEY BACK.
Hank: MRS.
STRICKLAND, YOU TOLD BUCK THAT WE MADE SOUP WHEN YOU KNOW DARN WELL THAT WE MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT MAKE SOUP.
YES, HANK, I DID.
I TOLD HIM WE MADE A BIG BOWL OF CREAM OF US AND FOR THAT, I'M SORRY.
"CREAM OF" WHAT KIND OF TEAMWORK WAS THAT? BUCK AND I HAVE BEEN DOING THE SAME DANCE FOR 32 YEARS.
I NEEDED TO DIP HIM FOR A CHANGE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN A MAN SO DIPPED IN HIS LIFE.
OH, BUCK! SO, YOU DRAGGED MY GOOD NAME THROUGH THE DIR JUST TO MAKE BUCK JEALOUS? OH, TRY AND FORGIVE ME, HANK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? IN THE NAME OF FORGIVENESS WHY DON'T YOU LET ME BUY YOU DINNER AT SUGARFOOT'S TONIGHT? 6:00.
YEAH.
YEAH, FORGIVENESS.
BUCK, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN THE MOOD FOR SOMETHING BESIDES SPAGHETTIO'S.
UH-HUH, HOW ABOUT MEETING ME AT SUGARFOOT'S FOR DINNER-- KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR HIDDEN ASSETS? OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU AT 6:00.
( ringing ) HELLO? Old Woman: May I please speak to Peggy? NO, I'M SORRY.
PEGGY'S AT SUGARFOOT'S.
CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE? Tell her THAT DEBBIE GRUND SLEPT WITH HER HUSBAND.
WHO IS THIS? IT'S DEBBIE.
( chuckles ) REMEMBER ME? ( whimpers ) PUT THAT OLD LADY BACK ON.
MAYBE SHE CAN TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOU.
OH, DON'T BOTHER WITH THAT MESSAGE.
SUGARFOOT'S IS RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.
I'LL TELL YOUR WIFE MYSELF.
NO, NO.
UH, YOU, UH, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
WHY NOT? WELL, UH, BECAUSE THEN, IT WOULD MAKE IT EVEN HARDER FOR US TO, UH, UH PURSUE OUR RELATIONSHIP.
SO, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT? UH ( chuckling nervously ) UH Y-YES, WE ARE GOING TO DO IT.
( chuckling ): I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY.
THEREFORE, I'M NOW GOING TO DRIVE OVER THERE BABY.
( moaning ) I JUST HAD PHONE SEX.
( shuddering ) WELCOME TO PEGGY'S SUGARFOOT'S.
AND HOW MANY IN YOUR PAR BOBBY, QUICK, WHERE'S YOUR MOTHE WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS PLACE? ( stammering ) PEGGY, PEGGY HAVE YOU SEEN DEBBIE FROM WORK? IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR WORK, ISN'T IT, HANK? WELL, WE'RE NOT AT STRICKLAND PROPANE NOW.
WE ARE AT PEGGY'S SUGARFOOT'S.
YOU HAVEN'T SAID ONE WORD ABOUT HOW I'VE TURNED THIS PLACE AROUND.
YO, YOUR CHOO-CHOO'S GONE OFF THE TRACK.
THAT'S SIXTH TIME TODAY THAT THING GOT OFF THE TRACK THAT I KNOW OF.
( gasps ) NOW, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS PLACE? IT'S PRISSIER THAN TONY ROMA'S.
YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT? BOBBY ( gasping ) MIZ LIZ? BUCK OH, MY GOD! THERE USED TO BE A-A HORSESHOE OVER THE DOOR THAT WE TOOK OFF A HORSE O-ON OUR HONEYMOON AND THESE WALLS THEY USED TO BE THE SAME SMOKY COLOR AS YOUR EYES.
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO SUGARFOOT'S, SUGARFOOT? WH-WHY, YOU YOU AIN'T CALLED ME "SUGARFOOT" IN YEARS.
BUCK, YOU GOT TO PROMISE ME OH, SWEETHEART, BABY, I-I KNOW IT.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT NOTHING BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? DEBBIE IS HISTORY.
OH, MY GOD, DEBBIE.
I'VE GOT TO STOP HER.
( knocking ) I GOT TO TALK TO DEBBIE.
Peggy: MMM-MMM EVERYBODY'S GOING TO LOVE MY NEW BARBECUE SAUCE.
( gunshot ) OH, WHAT WAS THAT? HELLO.
IS ANYBODY THERE? HANK, IS THAT YOU? MR.
STRICKLAND? MIZ LIZ? ALL RIGHT, WHOEVER YOU ARE WE DO NOT ACCEPT ANY BILLS LARGER THAN A $20.
( shrieking ) DEBBIE? SOMEBODY SHOT DEBBIE.
Joe Jack: (coughing ) UH, BOY TOY.
SHOW SOME RESPECT.
AH, MR.
STRICKLAND'S WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
Hank: THAT'S NOT HIS WIFE-- THAT'S DEBBIE FROM WORK.
PRETTY GAL LIKE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET A DATE.
( spoon tapping glass ) HOPE Y'ALL ENJOYED YOUR MEAL.
( chuckling ): I HAVEN'T, UH SEEN SO MUCH CHICKEN IN ONE ROOM SINCE THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
NOTHING.
NOW, THE FIRST BLUE FLAME OF VALOR OF THIS MILLENNIUM GOES TO MR.
HANK HILL OF STRICKLAND PROPANE.
( applause ) ( clears throat ) THANK YOU.
AS A YOUNG BOY I ALWAYS DREAMED OF WINNING THE SUPER BOWL.
THEN, AS MOST OF YOU KNOW THAT DREAM WAS CRUSHED ALONG WITH MY ANKLE IN THE CLASS 2A STATE FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP.
WELL, I KNOCKED AROUND FOR A WHILE, SOWED MY OATS GOT A JOB AT JEANS WEST.
LONG STORY SHORT, ONE DAY AT J.
W.
I SOLD A PAIR OF JORDACHE TO A MAN WHO WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE.
TO QUOTE DR.
LUTHER KING "I HAD ANOTHER DREAM"-- TO SELL PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES.
DR.
KING.
MMM.
THE NAME OF THE MAN AND THE DISTRIBUTORSHIP WHO MADE ME DREAM AGAIN? STRICKLAND.
THE "S" STANDS FOR "SERVICE.
" THE "T" IS FOR "TRUST.
" "R" IS FOR "RELIABILITY.
" NOW, THE "I" STANDS FOR Woman: JACKASS! Hank: NO.
( chuckling ): NO.
IT'S FOR "INTEGRITY.
" THAT'S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT LETTER.
HEH.
Thatherton: THAT'S MRS.
STRICKLAND.
THIS OUGHTA BE GOOD.
NOW, MIZ LIZ, JUST CALM DOWN HERE.
WE IN PUBLIC.
YOU ARE IN PUBLIC WITH THIS LITTLE BIMBO IN FRONT OF HALF OUR CHRISTMAS CARD LIST.
ARE THOSE MY MOTHER'S EARRINGS? "C" IS FOR, UH, "COMPASSION.
" Miz Liz: I WANT YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE! YEAH, BUT, SWEETIE AND OUT OF THE LAKE HOUSE! UH, THE LAKE HOUSE? I'M SORRY I STOLE YOUR THUNDER, HANK.
PLEASE, START OVER.
UH WELL, UH UH NOW, WHERE WAS I? Thatherton: "D" FOR "DONE.
" HANK, MY OFFICE.
PRONTO.
NOW, WE GOT TO MOVE FAST.
HANK, GIVE ME, UH, GIVE ME WHATEVER CASH YOU GOT.
UH-HUH, SON, YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF A BARBECUE JOINT.
"I HEREBY TRANSFER 100% OWNERSHIP OF SUGARFOOT'S BARBECUE TO HANK HILL.
" YEAH, THAT'S RIGH AND AFTER MY DIVORCE IS FINAL YOU'LL THEREFORE TRANSFER 100% OWNERSHIP BACK TO ME.
MIZ LIZ CAN'T HAVE HALF OF WHAT I DON'T OWN, SEE? ( chuckling ) YOU SABE, DON'T YOU? SIR, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU OWNED SUGARFOOT'S.
THAT PLACE IS AN INSTITUTION, I TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU GOT YOUR SAWDUST ON THE FLOOR THE BRISKET SERVED UP ON BUTCHER PAPER YEAH, HANK, THIS AIN'T POETRY NIGHT.
NOW, DON'T WORRY-- THE PLACE RUNS ITSELF.
THE HELP MAKES THE BARBECUE; I MAKE THE MONEY.
NOW, GO TELL JOE JACK TO COME GET HIS NEW EVINRUDE OUTBOARD AND, UH, TAKE ROGER HIS SCIMITAR, WOULD YOU? WITH THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS I HEREBY NOTARIZE THIS BEER COASTER.
CONGRATULATIONS, HANK-- YOU OWN A BARBECUE RESTAURANT.
AND BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A COMMUNITY PROPERTY STATE I OWN HALF.
SO, IN ADDITION, CONGRATULATIONS TO ME.
NOW, LISTEN HERE, CHILDREN.
WE'RE A FAMILY.
NOW, DADDY STILL CALLS THE SHOTS BUT DEBBIE'S YOUR NEW MAMA.
AW, SHOOT.
PLEASANT MORNING TO ALL Y'ALL.
MY NAME'S JEWEL CRAWFORD, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU, YOU SORRY SACK OF SAKRETE.
STICKS AND STONES, BUCK.
THAT'S ALL YOU GONNA BE LEFT WITH.
WELL, YOU MUST BE THE ADULTEROUS CORRESPONDENT IN THIS DIVORCE.
AREN'T YOU PRETTY.
WELL, I SEE HOW YOU COULD MAKE A WEAK MAN STUPID.
( giggles ) THANK YOU.
JUDGE YARBOROUGH SENDS HIS BEST REGARDS AND THIS.
IT TELLS YOU WHEN YOU GOT TO LEAVE-- WHICH IS NOW-- AND WHERE YOU GOT TO GO-- WHICH IS OUT.
THERE.
YOU ALL CAUGHT UP.
GOT DANG IT, MIZ LIZ, LEGGO MY EGGOS! I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO HEAR THAT, MIZ LIZ.
NOW, YOU DRAG YOURSELF OUT THAT DOOR BEFORE MY OSTRICH BOOT PUTS YOUR EGGOS BACK IN THE TOASTER.
THANK YOU, JEWEL.
( muttering ) DEBBIE, YOU STAY HERE.
I NEED YOU TO BE MY EYES AND EARS.
I'M HIS EYES AND EARS.
( raspberry ) YES, BUT YOUR BUTT BELONGS TO ME BECAUSE FROM NOW ON I AM THE "STRICKLAND" IN "STRICKLAND PROPANE.
" ( groans ) UH, LOOK, MIZ STRICKLAND, I BELIEVE IN BEING DIRECT, SO, UH WELL, CAN YOU JUST FIRE ME NOW? I FIGURE YOU PROBABLY WANT TO BRING IN YOUR OWN PEOPLE.
( chuckling ): MY PEOPLE SHOP.
RELAX, HANK.
I-- AND MY LAWYER-- WANT THIS BUSINESS TO BE PROFITABLE.
I CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT YOU.
I NEED YOU ON MY TEAM.
HMM.
WELL I DO LOVE TEAMWORK.
HANK WHAT'S THE WORST JOB ON THIS TEAM? WORST PAYING OR MOST DEGRADING? AW, HELL, IT'S THE SAME FOR BOTH-- TANK WIPE.
DEBBIE! YOU'RE ON TANK WIPE! UGH, SAWDUST.
HEY, WAYNE.
HEY, BOBBY.
OH, THIS PLACE HAS SO MANY POSSIBILITIES.
HELLO.
MY NAME IS PEGGY HILL.
I AM THE NEW OWNER OF SUGARFOOT'S.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MR.
BUCK? OH, MR.
BUCK IS GOING THROUGH A NASTY DIVORCE SO HE SOLD THIS RESTAURANT TO ME AND MY HUSBAND WHO WILL BE A SILENT PARTNER.
OKAY.
NICE MEETING YOU.
WELL, I HAVE NOT MET YOU YE BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT TOLD ME YOUR NAMES.
WELL, THAT THERE'S ELVIN OUR SAUCE MAN.
UH-HUH.
AND BUBBA, HE SERVES THE BARBECUE BEANS OKRA, COLESLAW, WHAT HAVE YOU.
THAT'S MERLE-- SHE TAKES THE MONEY.
I'M LITTLE JOHN-- I CUT MEAT.
WELL, IT IS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, LITTLE JOHN.
AS MY FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER EMPLOYEES.
YOU ARE NOW TEAMMATES ON TEAM PEGGY HILL AND I AM YOUR CAPTAIN, PEGGY HILL.
UH-HUH.
THAT'D BE FINE.
MMM.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M LOOKING FOR BUILDING 25, APARTMENT 318D.
THIS IS IT.
YEAH, I'M IN HERE, OL' TOP.
HUH.
YOU KNOW DEBBIE'S PLACE IS RIGHT NEXT TO SUGARFOOT'S-- THAT'S A COINCIDENCE.
Strickland: NO COINCIDENCE.
I LIKE TO EAT, I LIKE TO HUMP, AND I DON'T LIKE TO DRIVE.
SO I BUILT SUGARFOOT'S NEXT TO THE SINGLES COMPLEX.
HAVE A SEAT.
THAT'S MY ITALIAN SCATTERGUN.
THAT GUN THAT SADDLE, THEM BOOTS, ONE MEASLY BOX OF CASH-- THAT'S ALL I COULD HIDE FROM MY WIFE AND THAT DAMN JEWEL CRAWFORD.
OH, EBAY HAS A SMOKEY AND THE BANDI SCREAMING EAGLE BLACK TRANS AM HOT WHEELS STILL IN THE BLISTER PACK.
HEY, BUCK, CAN I BORROW $400? THAT'S DEBBIE'S ROOMMATE LAURA.
IT'S GALE.
HERE'S WHERE I'M GOING TO STICK MY "LIGHT MY FIREBIRD.
" YOU'RE GOING TO SHUT UP NOW IS WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO.
GOT DANG IT, ARE THOSE MY PECAN SANDIES? THAT WAS DINNER.
HANK, LET'S DO SOMETHING NICE FOR OUR TUMMIES, HUH? ( groans ) Hank: UH, WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IF NONE OF THIS LOOKS GOOD? CREPE ST.
JACQUES.
AND THE FLORENTINE FOR MADAM.
( sighs ) ( laughs ) I CAN REMEMBER-- BARELY-- WHEN WAITERS DIDN'T CALL ME "MADAM.
" ( sobbing ) UH UH, LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED A REFILL.
OH, HANK I CAN FORGIVE MY HUSBAND'S BENDERS AND THE PROFANITY AND HIS INAPPROPRIATE COMFOR WITH ALL ASPECTS OF THE HUMAN BODY BUT IT'S THE WOMEN, HANK.
MY PURSE OF FORGIVENESS IS FINALLY EMPTY.
OH, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE SIDES.
MR.
STRICKLAND'S BEEN VERY GOOD TO ME AND I'VE WORKED FOR HIM AS LONG AS HE'S BEEN CHEATING ON YOU.
WE BOTH DESERVE BETTER, HANK.
I'D LIKE YOU TO HAVE THIS.
HANK RUTHERFORD HILL I'M MAKING YOU MANAGER AND I'M GIVING YOU A RAISE.
WOW.
MANAGER? WELL, I-I I HOPE YOU WON'T PASS THE COST OF MY RAISE ON TO THE CUSTOMER.
( chuckling ): YOU.
( sighs ) WELCOME TO OUR VERY FIRST TEAM MEETING.
NOW, THIS IS OUR NEW SUGGESTION BOX.
IT IS A WAY FOR EACH OF US TO ANONYMOUSLY SUGGEST WAYS WE CAN WHIP THIS PLACE INTO SHAPE WITHOUT FEAR OF LOSING YOUR JOB.
OH, SOMEONE'S ALREADY MADE A SUGGESTION.
THIS IS EXCITING.
"SWEEP OUT THE SAWDUST AND PUT DOWN CARPET.
CARPET-TEX IS HAVING ANOTHER GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE.
EXCELLENT.
APPROVED.
YOU KNOW, THAT BOX'LL WORK BETTER YOU CUT A HOLE IN THE TOP.
MM-HMM.
POSSIBLY.
NOW, IN ADDITION TO THE ANONYMOUS SUGGESTION I HAVE A FEW THOUGHTS OF MY OWN-- ELVIN WHEN CUSTOMERS WALK INTO SUGARFOOT'S WHAT'S THEIR FIRST THOUGHT? "I'M HUNGRY"? UH-UH.
IT'S "WHY ISN'T THIS PLACE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A CHAIN?" NOW, MY OWN EXPERIENCE TELLS ME THAT PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO SACRIFICE INDIVIDUALITY FOR COMFOR AND FAMILIARITY AND IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY WENDY'S FOUNDER DAVE THOMAS AGREES.
I LIKE THEM SQUARE HAMBURGERS.
EXACTLY.
NOW, EVERYONE, PLEASE OPEN UP YOUR CHORE ENVELOPE.
( phone ringing ) Hank: HELLO? OH, HI, MIZ STRICKLAND UH-HUH.
A PROPANE EMERGENCY? ( doorbell rings ) COME IN, HANK.
THERE SEEMS TO BE A-A PROPANE LEAK IN THE MASTER BATHROOM.
HUH.
IS IT THE WHIRLPOOL OR THE HEATER? ( chuckling ): YOU'RE THE PROFESSIONAL.
I JUST KNOW IT'S NOT HOT ENOUGH IN THERE YET.
SOUNDS LIKE THE HEATER.
HUH.
THIS MIGHT BE ELECTRICAL.
I KNEW YOU WERE THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB.
YOU KNOW, I GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, MIZ LIZ.
I WAS WORRIED WHEN YOU TOOK OVER AT STRICKLAND COULD YOU PASS ME MORE OF THOSE BATH BEADS? OH, SURE.
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO LEAVE STRICKLAND ( cork popping ) IS THAT CHAMPAGNE? AND THESE ARE TWO GLASSES.
HUH.
UH, UH, YEP, A-A BACKUP GLASS IN CASE ONE OF THEM BREAKS.
HANK LET'S GET IN THERE AND MAKE SOME SOUP.
HA! ( grunting nervously ) ( grunting and gasping ) OH, HANK.
OH, NO, NO, HANK.
( sputtering ) W WAIT.
( grunting frantically ) Miz Liz: HANK, I AM SO EMBARRASSED ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
YOU'RE A REAL GENTLEMEN AND I WAS A LITTLE LESS THAN A LADY.
I'LL TRY TO BE PATIENT WITH YOU AND WITH MY DESIRES.
UH UH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO PERSONAL ( gasping nervously ) IT WAS MY FAUL AND I'M TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF.
NOW HERE'S YOUR NEW MANAGER'S UNIFORM.
PUT IT ON AND LET'S GO INTO THE SHOWROOM.
IN RECOGNITION OF HIS DEDICATION TO THIS COMPANY I HAVE PROMOTED HANK HILL TO BE THE NEW MANAGER OF STRICKLAND PROPANE! ( applause continuing ) ( onlookers snickering ) ( coughing ): UH, BOY TOY.
( snickering ) "BOY TOY"? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
IT MEANS YOU'RE MIZ LIZ'S DEBBIE.
HEY SEE YOU AROUND DEBBIE.
( others laughing ) Buck: AW, JUDAS H.
PRIEST, DEBBIE.
DID YOU SHOVE A CAT DOWN THIS DRAIN? I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT BE YOUR WIFE'S SLAVE.
BUCK, YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
YOU'RE ON YOU OWN, DEBBIE.
I CAN'T HELP YOU NO MORE.
WELL, I'M TIRED OF WIPING TANKS ALL DAY TO SUPPORT THIS HOME WHILE YOU SIT THERE LIKE A KING WATCHING ALL MY CHILDREN WITH GALE.
GEEZ! NOW, I AM NOT A HISTORY BUFF, BUT I TELL YOU I DON'T REMEMBER LOUIS THE 14th SPENDING HIS DAYS PULLING HIPPIE HAIR OUT OF DRAINS.
YOU'RE OUT OF TORTILLA CHIPS, BUCK.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
DEBBIE, GET ME MY FLIP-FLOPS.
I'M GOING TO SHAVE IN THE POOL.
POOR PEGGY-- DOESN'T SUSPECT A THING ABOUT MIZ LIZ.
THERE IS NOTHING TO SUSPECT.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING EXCEPT MY JOB.
WELL, YOU CAN KISS THAT GOOD-BYE UNLESS YOU KISS MIZ LIZ IN A PLEASING MANNER.
YOU COULD CALL THE EQUAL EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY COMMISSION.
OR YOU COULD JUST PUT OUT.
SIX OF ONE.
I'M NOT GOING TO "PUT OUT," I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE MY JOB AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET PEGGY FIND OU ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
DALE, GIVE ME A CIGARETTE.
I THOUGHT YOU QUIT BECAUSE "CIGARETTES CAUSE DEATH.
" THEY DO, YOU KNOW.
SO, PACE YOURSELF.
Debbie: NEED A LIGHT? WHAT THE? DEBBIE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHY ARE YOU IN YOUR UNDERWEAR? I NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM MIZ LIZ.
SHE HATES ME.
WELL, YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER HUSBAND.
NO I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY BOSS.
YOU'RE MY BOSS NOW ( breathlessly ): HANK.
( gasps ) ( grunting nervously ) NO, SIR.
I AM SORRY BUT AT THIS POINT IN TIME I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REJECT YOUR ADVANCES.
HANK! STOP IT! ( panting ): OH, GOD.
THIS AIN'T OVER! NOBODY REJECTS DEBBIE GRUND! WELL, I JUST DID.
OH, YOU'LL BE SORRY, HANK HILL! WHAT THE? MR.
STRICKLAND? WELL, WELL THE PLAINTIFF CALLED ME GLOATING ALL ABOUT YOUR LITTLE RUB A DUB DUB IN MY TUB.
NOW, SOUP IS GOOD FOOD, HANK BUT KEEP YOUR SPOON IN YOUR OWN BOWL.
SIR WE GO BACK 15 YEARS AND IN ALL THAT TIME, I HAVE ONLY HAD ONE MISTRESS AND HER NAME IS "PROPANE.
" PEGGY AND I HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING ABOUT THAT.
OH, HECK, HANK, I BELIEVE YOU.
I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE SEX.
WELL, THAT IS NOT EXACTLY ACCURATE.
I HAD IT ALL, HANK.
I HAD A GOOD WIFE TO MOTHER ME.
I HAD A PRETTY, YOUNG GIRLFRIEND.
I WAS LIVING LIKE A FRENCHMAN BUT I BLEW IT.
I LOST MY WIFE, AND MY MONEY ( sniffling ): AND, NOW ( voice breaking ): I WANT MY WIFE AND MY MONEY BACK.
Hank: MRS.
STRICKLAND, YOU TOLD BUCK THAT WE MADE SOUP WHEN YOU KNOW DARN WELL THAT WE MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT MAKE SOUP.
YES, HANK, I DID.
I TOLD HIM WE MADE A BIG BOWL OF CREAM OF US AND FOR THAT, I'M SORRY.
"CREAM OF" WHAT KIND OF TEAMWORK WAS THAT? BUCK AND I HAVE BEEN DOING THE SAME DANCE FOR 32 YEARS.
I NEEDED TO DIP HIM FOR A CHANGE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN A MAN SO DIPPED IN HIS LIFE.
OH, BUCK! SO, YOU DRAGGED MY GOOD NAME THROUGH THE DIR JUST TO MAKE BUCK JEALOUS? OH, TRY AND FORGIVE ME, HANK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? IN THE NAME OF FORGIVENESS WHY DON'T YOU LET ME BUY YOU DINNER AT SUGARFOOT'S TONIGHT? 6:00.
YEAH.
YEAH, FORGIVENESS.
BUCK, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN THE MOOD FOR SOMETHING BESIDES SPAGHETTIO'S.
UH-HUH, HOW ABOUT MEETING ME AT SUGARFOOT'S FOR DINNER-- KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR HIDDEN ASSETS? OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU AT 6:00.
( ringing ) HELLO? Old Woman: May I please speak to Peggy? NO, I'M SORRY.
PEGGY'S AT SUGARFOOT'S.
CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE? Tell her THAT DEBBIE GRUND SLEPT WITH HER HUSBAND.
WHO IS THIS? IT'S DEBBIE.
( chuckles ) REMEMBER ME? ( whimpers ) PUT THAT OLD LADY BACK ON.
MAYBE SHE CAN TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOU.
OH, DON'T BOTHER WITH THAT MESSAGE.
SUGARFOOT'S IS RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.
I'LL TELL YOUR WIFE MYSELF.
NO, NO.
UH, YOU, UH, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
WHY NOT? WELL, UH, BECAUSE THEN, IT WOULD MAKE IT EVEN HARDER FOR US TO, UH, UH PURSUE OUR RELATIONSHIP.
SO, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT? UH ( chuckling nervously ) UH Y-YES, WE ARE GOING TO DO IT.
( chuckling ): I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY.
THEREFORE, I'M NOW GOING TO DRIVE OVER THERE BABY.
( moaning ) I JUST HAD PHONE SEX.
( shuddering ) WELCOME TO PEGGY'S SUGARFOOT'S.
AND HOW MANY IN YOUR PAR BOBBY, QUICK, WHERE'S YOUR MOTHE WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS PLACE? ( stammering ) PEGGY, PEGGY HAVE YOU SEEN DEBBIE FROM WORK? IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR WORK, ISN'T IT, HANK? WELL, WE'RE NOT AT STRICKLAND PROPANE NOW.
WE ARE AT PEGGY'S SUGARFOOT'S.
YOU HAVEN'T SAID ONE WORD ABOUT HOW I'VE TURNED THIS PLACE AROUND.
YO, YOUR CHOO-CHOO'S GONE OFF THE TRACK.
THAT'S SIXTH TIME TODAY THAT THING GOT OFF THE TRACK THAT I KNOW OF.
( gasps ) NOW, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS PLACE? IT'S PRISSIER THAN TONY ROMA'S.
YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT? BOBBY ( gasping ) MIZ LIZ? BUCK OH, MY GOD! THERE USED TO BE A-A HORSESHOE OVER THE DOOR THAT WE TOOK OFF A HORSE O-ON OUR HONEYMOON AND THESE WALLS THEY USED TO BE THE SAME SMOKY COLOR AS YOUR EYES.
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO SUGARFOOT'S, SUGARFOOT? WH-WHY, YOU YOU AIN'T CALLED ME "SUGARFOOT" IN YEARS.
BUCK, YOU GOT TO PROMISE ME OH, SWEETHEART, BABY, I-I KNOW IT.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT NOTHING BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? DEBBIE IS HISTORY.
OH, MY GOD, DEBBIE.
I'VE GOT TO STOP HER.
( knocking ) I GOT TO TALK TO DEBBIE.
Peggy: MMM-MMM EVERYBODY'S GOING TO LOVE MY NEW BARBECUE SAUCE.
( gunshot ) OH, WHAT WAS THAT? HELLO.
IS ANYBODY THERE? HANK, IS THAT YOU? MR.
STRICKLAND? MIZ LIZ? ALL RIGHT, WHOEVER YOU ARE WE DO NOT ACCEPT ANY BILLS LARGER THAN A $20.
( shrieking ) DEBBIE? SOMEBODY SHOT DEBBIE.
Joe Jack: (coughing ) UH, BOY TOY.