King of the Hill s04e14 Episode Script
High Anxiety (Part 2)
Bobby: PREVIOUSLY ON KING OF THE HILL: YOU ARE IN PUBLIC WITH THIS LITTLE BIMBO.
I NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM MIZ LIZ.
WELL, YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER HUSBAND.
I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY BOSS.
YOU'RE MY BOSS NOW, HANK.
( gasps ) I'M NOT GONNA LET PEGGY FIND OUT ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? DEBBIE IS HISTORY.
OH, MY GOD.
DEBBIE.
I'VE GOT TO STOP HER.
( screams ) DEBBIE! SOMEBODY SHOT DEBBIE.
( Hank sighs ) HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE DEBBIE TO THROW IN A LOAD OF LAUNDRY? I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HER.
SHE SHOULD BE RIGHT UP.
DEBBIE SAID YOU TWO WERE GOING TO NO, WE WERE NOT! IT WAS A TRICK.
IS $300 TOO MUCH FOR A HOT WHEELS V.
W.
PURPLE EVIL WEEVIL? ( sighs ) YEAH, I COULD USE ONE, TOO.
DAMN, THE EBAY AUCTION CLOSED.
I LOST MY WEEVIL.
OH, DANG IT.
CAN I GET A LIGHT OFF YOURS? HUH, THAT'S A FUNNY-LOOKING CIGARETTE.
YOU ROLL IT YOURSELF? ( straining ): YEAH.
YOU GOT A WEAK FLAME ON THIS THING.
( inhaling deeply ) ( coughing ) THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM CLOVE CIGARETTES, IS IT? NO, MAN.
THAT'S THE CHRONIC FROM MEXICO.
AH, DAMN NAFTA.
IT'S CLEARLY AN INFERIOR TOBACCO.
SO, DOES YOUR WIFE PARTY, TOO? "PARTY"? UH, WE THROW A PARTY FOR FOURTH OF JULY AND LABOR DAY.
NO, I MEAN PARTY.
YOU KNOW, GET HIGH, GET STONED? AAAHHH! ( indistinct police radio ) MM-MM, THAT BARBECUE SMELLS YUMMY, MS.
HILL.
NOW, YOU HEARD THE GUNSHO AT 6:45, WAS IT? THAT IS CORRECT, SHERIFF, MM-HMM.
AND YOU DISCOVERED THE BODY AT 6:47? MOST OF IT, YES.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
DEBBIE WAS MR.
STRICKLAND'S MISTRESS.
AND HER MURDERED BODY WAS FOUND AT THE SAME PLACE WHERE MR.
STRICKLAND AND HIS WIFE JUST GOT DONE RECONCILING THEIR DIFFERENCES? UH-HUH.
MY HUSBAND, HANK, SET THAT UP.
WELL, THE RECONCILIATION, NOT, NOT THE MURDER.
MMM.
( coughing ) CHECK YOU OUT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I AM INDUCING VOMITING.
DUDE, YOU ONLY HAD ONE HIT.
( coughing and gagging ) OH, NO, MY EYES ARE TURNING BLOODSHOT.
I'M GOING ON A TRIP.
I LOOK LIKE I'M DOPED OUT OF MY GOURD! GOD, I'M TOO HIGH TO DRIVE.
GOT TO SLEEP THIS OFF.
FOUND THIS ITALIAN 12-GAUGE UNDER THE BODY.
"MIZ LIZ.
" I THINK I GO MY FIRST SUSPECT.
I COULD SEND THAT UP TO DALLAS HAVE MY BOYS RUN IT FOR PRINTS.
AW, WHO IN THE HELL CALLED IN THE TEXAS RANGERS? A "MRS.
PEGGY HILL, RESTAURATEUR.
" I LOVE YOUR SHOW! I LOVE THAT WALKER! ( panting ): HOW LONG WAS I SLEEPING?! WHY, WHY AM I RUNNING? OH, GOD, I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.
THAT'S A SIDE EFFECT OF THE MARIJUANA POISONING.
DAD! DAD! THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR YOU! OH, NO, DEBBIE'S HIPPIE ROOMMATE TURNED ME IN FOR SMOKING NARCOTICS.
Peggy ( screaming): HANK! DEBBIE'S DEAD? I WAS JUST IN HER I MEAN, I JUST TALKED TO HER, UH, AT WORK.
OH, IT WAS AWFUL.
I SAW HER LYING THERE AND OH, HANK.
( sniffing ) HONEY, YOU REEK.
OH, UH, YEAH, TOO MUCH TIME NEAR THE PROPANE TANKS TODAY.
MR.
HILL, I'M LESTER PAYTON WITH THE TEXAS RANGERS.
UH, NICE TO MEET YOU.
( clears throat ) MIND IF I CUT IN, PAYTON? THIS IS MY DANCE.
NOW, MR.
HILL, I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.
UH, I'M SORRY.
I LOST A CLOSE FRIEND AND A VALUED TANK WIPE TODAY.
I GOT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW.
PEGGY, YOU'LL NEED TO DRIVE.
I'M IN MOURNING.
THAT CORONER IN HEIMLICH COUNTY WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
HE'S A GOOD MAN.
HE DID THE AUTOPSIES ON TWO OF MY GUN CLUB BUDDIES LAST YEAR.
YOU, UH, YOU DON'T THINK THE POLICE WILL WAN TO RUN A DRUG TEST ON DEBBIE'S CO-WORKERS, DO YOU? NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I AM POSITIVE THEY WILL.
THEY'LL DRUG-TEST EVERYONE IN ARLEN.
THE PRICE FOR A BAG OF CLEAN URINE WILL DOUBLE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO THE PRICE OF POO-POO? UNCHANGED.
Hank: DEBBIE BOUGHT THOSE FLOWERS JUST BEFORE SHE DIED.
Miz Liz: ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.
NOW THAT THERE'S NO ONE LEFT AT WORK FOR MY HUSBAND TO DIDDLE, I'VE ALLOWED HIM TO RETURN.
BUCK STRICKLAND.
UH, THANK YOU.
NOW, I AIN'T A STUPID MAN.
I HEARD THE RUMORS.
I KNOW THAT I GO SOME FINGERS A-POINTIN' AT ME.
BUT I'M GIVING Y'ALL THE BUCK STRICKLAND GUARANTEE THAT I DIDN'T KILL THAT PRETTY GIRL.
I WANT TO CATCH THE MURDERER MORE THAN ANYTHING.
SO, IF ANY OF YOU HAVE INFORMATION FOR THE POLICE WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME SEE ME FIRS AND WE CAN DISCUSS THE BEST WAY OF HANDLING THAT.
BACK TO WORK, OL' TOP.
ALL RIGHT, LADYBIRD I WASHED THIS SHIRT A DOZEN TIMES.
( sniffing ) WHAT DO YOU THINK, GIRL? CAN YOU STILL SMELL THE MARY JANE? OH, NO.
UNCLE HANK SHERIFF MUMFORD IS HERE.
AFTERNOON, HANK.
WHAT YA COOKIN'? UH, NOTHING.
WELL, MY EYESIGHT AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE BUT AIN'T THAT SOME KIND OF SMOKE COMING OUT OF THERE? UM, THAT'S THE BURGERS.
STRANGE-SMELLING BURGERS.
WHAT KIND OF HERBS YOU PUTTING IN THERE? "HERBS"? OH, GOD, THAT'S STREET TALK FOR "MARIJUANA.
" YOU KNOW, HANK, I SPENT THE DAY GATHERING EVIDENCE OVER AT THE CASA LINDA SINGLES APARTMENTS AND I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW YOU ARE NOW A SUSPECT OH, NO! IN THE MURDER OF DEBBIE GRUND.
OH.
OH, THAT.
OH, GOD! Hank: THIS GOES WITHOUT SAYING PEGGY, BUT YOU KNOW I'M NOT GUILTY.
OF COURSE I KNOW YOU DIDN'T KILL ANYONE.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND? THE SHERIFF SAID THAT YOU HAD A MOTIVE AND IT CONCERNED YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MIZ LIZ.
HE KEPT USING THAT PHRASE-- "RELATIONSHIP WITH MIZ LIZ.
" "RELATIONSHIP WITH MIZ LIZ.
" UH, WELL, HE MAY BE REFERRING TO THIS TIME I, UH WENT OUT TO A FRAUDULENT PROPANE EMERGENCY AT MRS.
STRICKLAND'S AND, UH, WELL, SHE WAS IN A KIMONO AND, UH, SHE WANTED ME TO, UH, SERVICE HER ( clears throat ) ACCESSORIES.
NOT THE PROPANE.
OH.
OKEYDOKEY.
WELL, NOW, THAT MAKES SOME SENSE.
MRS.
STRICKLAND WAS COMING ONTO YOU SO YOU KILLED DEBBIE, BUCK GOES BACK TO MIZ LIZ AND MIZ LIZ STOPS BOTHERING YOU.
HAVE YOU BEEN READING THOSE RABBI MYSTERIES AGAIN? THEY DO HOLD UP.
NOW, IF I MAY BE AN ADVOCATE OF THE DEVIL HERE LET'S COMBINE YOUR MOTIVE WITH THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE NO ALIBI FOR 6:45 P.
M.
OH, AND THE SHERIFF CALLED EARLIER.
HE SAID THEY FOUND YOUR STRICKLAND NAME PATCH IN THE BUSHES BEHIND PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S.
WHAT? I DON'T REMEMBER LOSING MY "HANK" PATCH.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T LOSE IT.
HE SAID IT HAD BEEN TORN OFF AS IF IN A STRUGGLE.
OH! Peggy: SO, HANK MY QUESTION TO YOU IS WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THAT MIZ LIZ MADE A PASS AT YOU?! SO I WAS WONDERING IF KIDS WHO ARE HOPPED UP ON DRUGS COULD DO THINGS THEY WOULDN'T REMEMBER WHEN THEY, YOU KNOW, HOPPED BACK DOWN.
ABSOLUTELY, MR.
JONES.
SO MY SON-- WHO WILL BE ATTENDING ARLEN HIGH IN A COUPLE OF YEARS, GOD WILLING-- HE COULD GET, UH, BAKED AND LEAVE HIS NAME TAG IN SOME BUSHES SOMEWHERE AND THEN NOT REMEMBER? YEAH, YEAH.
WE CALL THAT BLACKING OUT.
HECK, I WAS IN PRISON WITH A GUY WHO WAS DOING LIFE FOR A MURDER HE DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER COMMITTING.
OKAY? SO SOMEONE COULD TAKE DOPE, BLACKOUT IN A FIELD AND KILL A CO-WORKER? CO-WORKER, CAB DRIVER, PROSTITUTE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS ABOUT WHAT DEBBIE WEIGHED.
DOES THIS SEEM FAMILIAR? MAYBE.
( car approaching ) EVENING, HANK.
WHATCHA BUSYIN' YOURSELF WITH THERE? UH, JUST THROWING OUT SOME EXPIRED SAND.
GARBAGE CANS AT HOME ARE FULL.
WHATEVER.
WE NEED TO TALK.
LET'S TAKE A RIDE.
YOUR TRUCK.
UH, WHERE TO, SIR? THE QUARRY.
IT'S DESERTED THIS TIME OF NIGHT.
NOBODY'LL BOTHER US.
Hank: MR.
STRICKLAND, SIR, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I DON'T THINK I KILLED DEBBIE.
I CARED FOR THAT GAL, HANK.
SO IF YOU'VE TAKEN ME OUT HERE TO KILL ME IN RETRIBUTION I BELIEVE THAT WOULD BE PREMATURE.
I KNOW YOU FOOLED AROUND WITH DEBBIE, OL' TOP.
NO, NOT TRUE.
I REBUFFED.
BUT YOU WERE ANGRY AT HER.
YES.
LOUDER.
YES, I WAS ANGRY.
DEBBIE THREATENED TO TELL MY WIFE THAT WE HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS.
OKAY, HANK.
I GOT ALL I NEED.
A 12-GAUGE SHELL.
OH, MY GOD.
I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME YOU WON'T EVER DO DRUGS, BOBBY.
I PROMISE.
A PROMISE MEANS NOTHING WHEN A JUNKIE TRICKS YOU INTO SMOKING A JOIN WHEN YOU THINK IT'S A CIGARETTE WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T SMOKE EITHER.
NOW, PROMISE ME.
PROMISE ME, BOBBY.
OKAY, OKAY, I PROMISE.
( sighing ): PROMISES MEAN NOTHING.
LOOK, DAD I'M NOT GOING TO USE DRUGS BECAUSE DRUGS ARE FOR LOSERS.
AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
OH PLUS, I WANT TO BE THE FIRST CHUBBY COMIC TO LIVE PAST 35.
AFTERNOON, HANK.
OH, HI, SHERIFF.
AH, ANY LEADS ON THE, UH, MURDERER THAT DON'T POINT IN MY DIRECTION? MRS.
HILL, COULD YOU EXCUSE US A MOMENT.
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND A DIRTY JOKE.
SHERIFF, IF THIS IS ABOUT THE INVESTIGATION I ASSURE YOU, YOU CAN SPEAK FREELY.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE NO SECRETS BETWEEN US.
CIGARETTE? OH, NO, WE DO NOT SMOKE.
THAT'S SMART.
FILTHY HABIT.
SAY, COULD I TROUBLE YOU FOR A LIGHT? UH, I COULD LOOK IN THE HOUSE.
OH, NEVER MIND.
I GOT THIS HERE SILVER LIGHTER.
FOUND IT IN DEBBIE'S APARTMENT.
GOT THE INITIALS H-R-H ON IT.
SAY NOW WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? RUTHERFORD.
RIGHT.
H-R-H.
SO, UNLESS HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCE OF WALES STOPPED BY SUNDAY NIGHT FOR A SMOKE OKAY, THE LIGHTER'S MINE.
IT WAS A GIFT FROM MRS.
ELIZABETH STRICKLAND.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT MIZ LIZ.
AS I SAID I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT MY HUSBAND.
SO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND'S RELATIONSHIP WITH DEBBIE.
MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
WHAT RELATIONSHIP? I HAD NO RELATIONSHIP WITH DEBBIE.
SHERIFF? UH-HUH.
IF I MAY.
Hank: Debbie threatened to tell my wife that we had sexual relations.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU FOLKS HAVE PLENTY TO TALK ABOUT.
Y'ALL HAVE A NICE DAY.
I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH DEBBIE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MY LIGHTER GOT INTO HER APARTMENT.
AND I ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT BEING IN THE BATHTUB WITH A NAKED MIZ LIZ.
DID YOU SEE HER BREASTS? Kahn: HEY, CHARLIE MANSON! CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH ON THIS SUGARFOOT NAPKIN I PULL OUT OF DUMPSTER? IF YOU MURDERER I AUCTION IT ON EBAY FOR BIG BUCKS.
EBAY? WAIT A MINUTE DAMN, THE EBAY AUCTION CLOSED.
I LOST MY WEEVIL.
AH AH, AH, AH ( retching ) KAHN, YOU MAY HAVE JUST MADE MY AUTOGRAPH WORTHLESS.
THE AUCTION FOR THAT PURPLE WEEBLE WOBBLER.
WHAT TIME DID IT CLOSE? 6:58 P.
M.
OH, YOU WANT TO GO IN A CHAT ROOM WITH GENE RODDENBERRY'S WIFE? LISTEN TO ME.
DEBBIE WAS KILLED AT 6:45.
I DIDN'T INHALE UNTIL 7:00 AT THE EARLIEST.
I COULDN'T HAVE BLACKED OUT AND KILLED HER.
SHE WAS ALREADY DEAD.
YEAH, DUDE, YOU WERE HERE SMOKING POT WITH ME.
YOU CAN TELL THAT TO THE COPS.
I'LL BACK YOU UP.
Sheriff: LEAVING THE GET-IN-GET-OUT SO SOON, PAYTON? I'M SURE THERE ARE SOME CANDY BARS YOU HAVEN'T QUESTIONED.
YOU BETTER TAKE THEM THREE MUSKETEERS INTO SEPARATE ROOMS.
MAYBE ONE OF THEM WILL CRACK.
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, SHERIFF.
HOW'D HEE HAW EVER LET YOU GET AWAY? MM-MM.
DO I SMELL PEGGY HILL'S OLD-FASHIONED BUTTERMILK GRIDDLE CAKES? SHERIFF, NOW I'M SURE YOU DID NOT COME ALL THIS WAY JUST TO SMELL PEGGY HILL'S OLD-FASHIONED BUTTERMILK GRIDDLE CAKES.
GUILTY.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, MR.
HILL DEBBIE'S ROOMMATE, GALE, HAS GOT AN INTERESTING ALIBI FOR THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER.
SAYS HE WAS WITH YOU, SPARKING UP A J.
LIGHTING UP A J.
GETTING HIGH? HE SAID THAT? WELL, NOW YOU HAVE A SECOND CRIME TO INVESTIGATE, SHERIFF.
THE ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION OF MY HUSBAND'S CHARACTER.
HOW DARE YOU! MY DAD WOULD NEVER USE DRUGS.
I SAID, GOOD DAY, SHERIFF! MR.
HILL? UH, THE BOY IS RIGHT.
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE POT.
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU'RE AS SQUARE AS A BLOCK OF WOOD.
BUT THIS GALE FELLA, HE'S FROM UP NORTH.
HAIR DOWN TO HIS BUTT CRACK AND A LAYER OF FILTH THAT JUST DON'T WASH OFF.
AND NOW THAT I'VE TALKED TO YOU, I KNOW THAT HE'S JUST A LIAR WHO'S GOT NO ALIBI.
THEY'RE ARRESTING THE MURDERER ON TV.
IT'S A WOMAN.
WHO IS IT? A WOMAN? Hank: THAT'S NOT A WOMAN.
THAT'S DEBBIE'S ROOMMATE.
NUH-UH.
HER NAME IS GALE.
I've never had a homicide go unsolved in Heimlich County and my record stands intact.
Two for two.
BUT GALE COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.
HE WAS HE WAS WHAT, DAD? UH, NOTHING.
COME ON.
SHOW PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S IN THE BACKGROUND.
SHOW PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S IN THE BACKGROUND.
SHOW PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S YES! YOU KNOW, UH, I'M NOT SO SURE THIS, UH-- GALE, IS IT?-- I'M JUST NOT SO SURE HE'S THE RIGHT GUY WHO DID THE MURDER.
WELL, NOW YOU'RE JUST TALKING CRAZY, HANK.
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED HIM.
THAT MEANS HE'S GUILTY.
BILL'S RIGHT.
I SHOULD KNOW.
I'VE SERVED ON FOUR JURIES AND WE DID OUR JOB-- FOUR CONVICTIONS.
IT IS NOT YOUR JOB AS A JUROR TO JUST CONVICT.
IS, TOO.
I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS TO BUCK STRICKLAND FOR THROWING THIS CASE-CLOSED DINNER.
OH, THE PARTY'S ALSO A SEND-OFF TO OUR GOOD FRIEND TEXAS RANGER PAYTON WHO WAS ( chuckles ) UNABLE TO SOLVE THE CRIME.
I HOPE GALE DOESN'T GET OFF ON SOME POTHEAD TECHNICALITY, RIGHT, DAD? WELL, THOSE TECHNICALITIES HAVE A NAME, BOBBY.
THEY'RE CALLED "THE BILL OF RIGHTS.
" OH, HE'S GOT A RIGHT.
HE'S GOT A RIGHT ARM FOR THEM TO STICK THE NEEDLE IN.
Buck: THAT'LL BE SWEET.
Hank: ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
GALE DID NOT KILL DEBBIE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S INNOCENT AND I KNOW THA BECAUSE AT THE TIME OF THE MURDER GALE WAS WITH ME.
WE WERE IN DEBBIE'S APARTMENT AND LIKE HE SAID WE WERE SMOKING POT.
( gasping ) WHO ARE YOU, HANK HILL?! NOW, NOW, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS PO AND GOD KNOWS I DIDN'T ENJOY I BUT THE FACT REMAINS, SHERIFF YOU HAVE THE WRONG MAN IN YOUR JAIL.
THEN, IT WAS BUCK.
NUH-UH, IT WASN'T ME.
IT-IT WAS HANK.
DI-DI-DIDN'T YOU GET THE TAPE? WHAT ABOUT THAT, UH, "HANK" NAME TAG I PUT IN THE BUSHES? IT WASN'T HANK; IT WAS YOU.
NAH, IT WASN'T.
THEN, IT WAS MIZ LIZ.
NAH, IT WASN'T.
ALL RIGHT, FINE, IT WAS ME.
I'M YOUR MAN, SHERIFF.
YOU GOT THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT IF YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST ABOUT FINISHED I'LL TELL YOU WHO KILLED DEBBIE.
DEBBIE'S PHONE RECORDS SHOW SHE CALLED MR.
HANK HILL A SHORT WHILE BEFORE HER DEATH WHICH MEANS SHE WAS HOME AT 6:00 P.
M.
NOW, WHAT WOULD SHE HAVE SEEN IF SHE LOOKED OUT HER WINDOW AT 6:00 P.
M.
, HMM? NORMALLY, SHE'D SEE SHERIFF MUMFORD STUFFING SOME SUGARFOOT'S RIBS INTO HIS FACE BUT ON THIS NIGH SHE SAW MR.
BUCK AND MIZ LIZ STRICKLAND ENTERING THE RESTAURANT WHICH, ACCORDING TO THE SUGARFOOT'S RESERVATIONS BOOK OCCURRED AT 6:03 MISTER, AND 6:04 MISSUS.
SEEING BUCK AND MIZ LIZ BACK TOGETHER MUST'VE THROWN THAT PRETTY LITTLE TANK WIPE INTO A JEALOUS RAGE.
SO WHEN SHE WENT DOWN TO SUGARFOOT'S AH PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S.
AT THE TIME, IT WAS.
YEAH THE POINT IS SHE WENT THERE TO KILL BUCK STRICKLAND WITH THE 12-GAUGE SHOTGUN HE HAD STASHED IN HER APARTMENT.
SO SHE CLIMBED INTO THE DUMPSTER NEXT TO HIS CADILLAC TO LIE IN WAIT.
NOW, SITTING IN A DUMPSTER FULL OF HALF-EATEN BARBECUE CAN MAKE YOU HUNGRY AND, SURE ENOUGH, DEBBIE WEN ACROSS THE STREET, TO THE GET-IN-GET-OUT.
ACCORDING TO THE STORE'S SECURITY VIDEOTAPE AND A WRITTEN DEPOSITION FROM A MR.
FREDDY HAKIMI SHE PURCHASED A BIG GULP AND A 99-CENT NACHO PLATE.
BY BUYING THEM TOGETHER, SHE SAVED 23 CENTS.
MY GOD! THAT IS ONE HECK OF A DEAL.
WHEN DEBBIE RETURNED TO THE DUMPSTER SHE SAW MR.
STRICKLAND'S CAR AND ASSUMED HE WAS STILL THERE.
WHAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW WAS THAT THE STRICKLANDS HAD ALREADY LEFT TOGETHER IN MRS.
STRICKLAND'S CAR HAVING RECONCILED PHYSICALLY IN A STOREROOM AND AGAIN IN THE MEAT LOCKER AND, ONCE MORE, IN THE SLOP SINK.
SHE HAD DIFFICULTY JUGGLING THE THREE ITEMS AS SHE ATTEMPTED TO NEGOTIATE HER WAY BACK INTO THE DUMPSTER.
SHE PUT THE GUN IN FIRST.
SHE WOULDN'T LET GO OF THAT JUNK FOOD AND THAT WAS THE SOURCE OF HER DEMISE FOR AS DEBBIE CLIMBED INTO THAT DUMPSTER HER FOOT ACCIDENTALLY TRIPPED THE HAMMER ON THE GUN.
( grunting ) ( shot firing ) SO, DEBBIE GRUND'S KILLER WAS DEBBIE GRUND.
OH, BUCK, I'M SO RELIEVED.
WHY, I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
YEAH, AND I WOULD HAVE, TOO, MIZ LIZ.
YEAH, I'D HAVE DONE IT FOR YOU.
'COURSE, I THOUGHT YOU DID IT.
THAT'S WHY I PLANTED THE SHOTGUN SHELL IN HANK'S TRUCK-- TO PROTECT YOU.
Miz Liz: YOU PLANTED EVIDENCE FOR ME? YEAH.
AW SUGARFOOT.
OH, SWEETS.
( mumbling baby-talk ) SORRY ABOUT THAT WHOLE FRAME-UP, THERE, TONTO.
I WAS UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.
UH YEAH YEAH, OKAY, UH I GUESS IF MY MISTRESS HAD BEEN MURDERED AND MY WIFE WERE A SUSPECT UH, YEAH.
WELL, I GUESS I LET YOU DOWN, SON DOING DRUGS LIKE THA WHEN I'VE ALWAYS TOLD YOU NOT TO.
YOU KNOW, IF I DID SOMETHING LIKE THIS YOU'D PUNISH ME.
MAYBE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PUNISH YOU.
WELL, OKAY, SON.
WHAT'S MY PUNISHMENT? AM I GROUNDED? THAT'S TOO EASY.
YOU CANNOT MOW THE LAWN FOR ONE WEEK.
Hank: AW, COME ON, SON, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
Bobby: YOU WANT TO GO FOR TWO? Bobby: I SAID, GOOD DAY, SHERIFF!
I NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM MIZ LIZ.
WELL, YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER HUSBAND.
I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY BOSS.
YOU'RE MY BOSS NOW, HANK.
( gasps ) I'M NOT GONNA LET PEGGY FIND OUT ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? DEBBIE IS HISTORY.
OH, MY GOD.
DEBBIE.
I'VE GOT TO STOP HER.
( screams ) DEBBIE! SOMEBODY SHOT DEBBIE.
( Hank sighs ) HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE DEBBIE TO THROW IN A LOAD OF LAUNDRY? I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HER.
SHE SHOULD BE RIGHT UP.
DEBBIE SAID YOU TWO WERE GOING TO NO, WE WERE NOT! IT WAS A TRICK.
IS $300 TOO MUCH FOR A HOT WHEELS V.
W.
PURPLE EVIL WEEVIL? ( sighs ) YEAH, I COULD USE ONE, TOO.
DAMN, THE EBAY AUCTION CLOSED.
I LOST MY WEEVIL.
OH, DANG IT.
CAN I GET A LIGHT OFF YOURS? HUH, THAT'S A FUNNY-LOOKING CIGARETTE.
YOU ROLL IT YOURSELF? ( straining ): YEAH.
YOU GOT A WEAK FLAME ON THIS THING.
( inhaling deeply ) ( coughing ) THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM CLOVE CIGARETTES, IS IT? NO, MAN.
THAT'S THE CHRONIC FROM MEXICO.
AH, DAMN NAFTA.
IT'S CLEARLY AN INFERIOR TOBACCO.
SO, DOES YOUR WIFE PARTY, TOO? "PARTY"? UH, WE THROW A PARTY FOR FOURTH OF JULY AND LABOR DAY.
NO, I MEAN PARTY.
YOU KNOW, GET HIGH, GET STONED? AAAHHH! ( indistinct police radio ) MM-MM, THAT BARBECUE SMELLS YUMMY, MS.
HILL.
NOW, YOU HEARD THE GUNSHO AT 6:45, WAS IT? THAT IS CORRECT, SHERIFF, MM-HMM.
AND YOU DISCOVERED THE BODY AT 6:47? MOST OF IT, YES.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
DEBBIE WAS MR.
STRICKLAND'S MISTRESS.
AND HER MURDERED BODY WAS FOUND AT THE SAME PLACE WHERE MR.
STRICKLAND AND HIS WIFE JUST GOT DONE RECONCILING THEIR DIFFERENCES? UH-HUH.
MY HUSBAND, HANK, SET THAT UP.
WELL, THE RECONCILIATION, NOT, NOT THE MURDER.
MMM.
( coughing ) CHECK YOU OUT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I AM INDUCING VOMITING.
DUDE, YOU ONLY HAD ONE HIT.
( coughing and gagging ) OH, NO, MY EYES ARE TURNING BLOODSHOT.
I'M GOING ON A TRIP.
I LOOK LIKE I'M DOPED OUT OF MY GOURD! GOD, I'M TOO HIGH TO DRIVE.
GOT TO SLEEP THIS OFF.
FOUND THIS ITALIAN 12-GAUGE UNDER THE BODY.
"MIZ LIZ.
" I THINK I GO MY FIRST SUSPECT.
I COULD SEND THAT UP TO DALLAS HAVE MY BOYS RUN IT FOR PRINTS.
AW, WHO IN THE HELL CALLED IN THE TEXAS RANGERS? A "MRS.
PEGGY HILL, RESTAURATEUR.
" I LOVE YOUR SHOW! I LOVE THAT WALKER! ( panting ): HOW LONG WAS I SLEEPING?! WHY, WHY AM I RUNNING? OH, GOD, I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.
THAT'S A SIDE EFFECT OF THE MARIJUANA POISONING.
DAD! DAD! THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR YOU! OH, NO, DEBBIE'S HIPPIE ROOMMATE TURNED ME IN FOR SMOKING NARCOTICS.
Peggy ( screaming): HANK! DEBBIE'S DEAD? I WAS JUST IN HER I MEAN, I JUST TALKED TO HER, UH, AT WORK.
OH, IT WAS AWFUL.
I SAW HER LYING THERE AND OH, HANK.
( sniffing ) HONEY, YOU REEK.
OH, UH, YEAH, TOO MUCH TIME NEAR THE PROPANE TANKS TODAY.
MR.
HILL, I'M LESTER PAYTON WITH THE TEXAS RANGERS.
UH, NICE TO MEET YOU.
( clears throat ) MIND IF I CUT IN, PAYTON? THIS IS MY DANCE.
NOW, MR.
HILL, I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.
UH, I'M SORRY.
I LOST A CLOSE FRIEND AND A VALUED TANK WIPE TODAY.
I GOT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW.
PEGGY, YOU'LL NEED TO DRIVE.
I'M IN MOURNING.
THAT CORONER IN HEIMLICH COUNTY WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
HE'S A GOOD MAN.
HE DID THE AUTOPSIES ON TWO OF MY GUN CLUB BUDDIES LAST YEAR.
YOU, UH, YOU DON'T THINK THE POLICE WILL WAN TO RUN A DRUG TEST ON DEBBIE'S CO-WORKERS, DO YOU? NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I AM POSITIVE THEY WILL.
THEY'LL DRUG-TEST EVERYONE IN ARLEN.
THE PRICE FOR A BAG OF CLEAN URINE WILL DOUBLE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO THE PRICE OF POO-POO? UNCHANGED.
Hank: DEBBIE BOUGHT THOSE FLOWERS JUST BEFORE SHE DIED.
Miz Liz: ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.
NOW THAT THERE'S NO ONE LEFT AT WORK FOR MY HUSBAND TO DIDDLE, I'VE ALLOWED HIM TO RETURN.
BUCK STRICKLAND.
UH, THANK YOU.
NOW, I AIN'T A STUPID MAN.
I HEARD THE RUMORS.
I KNOW THAT I GO SOME FINGERS A-POINTIN' AT ME.
BUT I'M GIVING Y'ALL THE BUCK STRICKLAND GUARANTEE THAT I DIDN'T KILL THAT PRETTY GIRL.
I WANT TO CATCH THE MURDERER MORE THAN ANYTHING.
SO, IF ANY OF YOU HAVE INFORMATION FOR THE POLICE WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME SEE ME FIRS AND WE CAN DISCUSS THE BEST WAY OF HANDLING THAT.
BACK TO WORK, OL' TOP.
ALL RIGHT, LADYBIRD I WASHED THIS SHIRT A DOZEN TIMES.
( sniffing ) WHAT DO YOU THINK, GIRL? CAN YOU STILL SMELL THE MARY JANE? OH, NO.
UNCLE HANK SHERIFF MUMFORD IS HERE.
AFTERNOON, HANK.
WHAT YA COOKIN'? UH, NOTHING.
WELL, MY EYESIGHT AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE BUT AIN'T THAT SOME KIND OF SMOKE COMING OUT OF THERE? UM, THAT'S THE BURGERS.
STRANGE-SMELLING BURGERS.
WHAT KIND OF HERBS YOU PUTTING IN THERE? "HERBS"? OH, GOD, THAT'S STREET TALK FOR "MARIJUANA.
" YOU KNOW, HANK, I SPENT THE DAY GATHERING EVIDENCE OVER AT THE CASA LINDA SINGLES APARTMENTS AND I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW YOU ARE NOW A SUSPECT OH, NO! IN THE MURDER OF DEBBIE GRUND.
OH.
OH, THAT.
OH, GOD! Hank: THIS GOES WITHOUT SAYING PEGGY, BUT YOU KNOW I'M NOT GUILTY.
OF COURSE I KNOW YOU DIDN'T KILL ANYONE.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND? THE SHERIFF SAID THAT YOU HAD A MOTIVE AND IT CONCERNED YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MIZ LIZ.
HE KEPT USING THAT PHRASE-- "RELATIONSHIP WITH MIZ LIZ.
" "RELATIONSHIP WITH MIZ LIZ.
" UH, WELL, HE MAY BE REFERRING TO THIS TIME I, UH WENT OUT TO A FRAUDULENT PROPANE EMERGENCY AT MRS.
STRICKLAND'S AND, UH, WELL, SHE WAS IN A KIMONO AND, UH, SHE WANTED ME TO, UH, SERVICE HER ( clears throat ) ACCESSORIES.
NOT THE PROPANE.
OH.
OKEYDOKEY.
WELL, NOW, THAT MAKES SOME SENSE.
MRS.
STRICKLAND WAS COMING ONTO YOU SO YOU KILLED DEBBIE, BUCK GOES BACK TO MIZ LIZ AND MIZ LIZ STOPS BOTHERING YOU.
HAVE YOU BEEN READING THOSE RABBI MYSTERIES AGAIN? THEY DO HOLD UP.
NOW, IF I MAY BE AN ADVOCATE OF THE DEVIL HERE LET'S COMBINE YOUR MOTIVE WITH THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE NO ALIBI FOR 6:45 P.
M.
OH, AND THE SHERIFF CALLED EARLIER.
HE SAID THEY FOUND YOUR STRICKLAND NAME PATCH IN THE BUSHES BEHIND PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S.
WHAT? I DON'T REMEMBER LOSING MY "HANK" PATCH.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T LOSE IT.
HE SAID IT HAD BEEN TORN OFF AS IF IN A STRUGGLE.
OH! Peggy: SO, HANK MY QUESTION TO YOU IS WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THAT MIZ LIZ MADE A PASS AT YOU?! SO I WAS WONDERING IF KIDS WHO ARE HOPPED UP ON DRUGS COULD DO THINGS THEY WOULDN'T REMEMBER WHEN THEY, YOU KNOW, HOPPED BACK DOWN.
ABSOLUTELY, MR.
JONES.
SO MY SON-- WHO WILL BE ATTENDING ARLEN HIGH IN A COUPLE OF YEARS, GOD WILLING-- HE COULD GET, UH, BAKED AND LEAVE HIS NAME TAG IN SOME BUSHES SOMEWHERE AND THEN NOT REMEMBER? YEAH, YEAH.
WE CALL THAT BLACKING OUT.
HECK, I WAS IN PRISON WITH A GUY WHO WAS DOING LIFE FOR A MURDER HE DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER COMMITTING.
OKAY? SO SOMEONE COULD TAKE DOPE, BLACKOUT IN A FIELD AND KILL A CO-WORKER? CO-WORKER, CAB DRIVER, PROSTITUTE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS ABOUT WHAT DEBBIE WEIGHED.
DOES THIS SEEM FAMILIAR? MAYBE.
( car approaching ) EVENING, HANK.
WHATCHA BUSYIN' YOURSELF WITH THERE? UH, JUST THROWING OUT SOME EXPIRED SAND.
GARBAGE CANS AT HOME ARE FULL.
WHATEVER.
WE NEED TO TALK.
LET'S TAKE A RIDE.
YOUR TRUCK.
UH, WHERE TO, SIR? THE QUARRY.
IT'S DESERTED THIS TIME OF NIGHT.
NOBODY'LL BOTHER US.
Hank: MR.
STRICKLAND, SIR, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I DON'T THINK I KILLED DEBBIE.
I CARED FOR THAT GAL, HANK.
SO IF YOU'VE TAKEN ME OUT HERE TO KILL ME IN RETRIBUTION I BELIEVE THAT WOULD BE PREMATURE.
I KNOW YOU FOOLED AROUND WITH DEBBIE, OL' TOP.
NO, NOT TRUE.
I REBUFFED.
BUT YOU WERE ANGRY AT HER.
YES.
LOUDER.
YES, I WAS ANGRY.
DEBBIE THREATENED TO TELL MY WIFE THAT WE HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS.
OKAY, HANK.
I GOT ALL I NEED.
A 12-GAUGE SHELL.
OH, MY GOD.
I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME YOU WON'T EVER DO DRUGS, BOBBY.
I PROMISE.
A PROMISE MEANS NOTHING WHEN A JUNKIE TRICKS YOU INTO SMOKING A JOIN WHEN YOU THINK IT'S A CIGARETTE WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T SMOKE EITHER.
NOW, PROMISE ME.
PROMISE ME, BOBBY.
OKAY, OKAY, I PROMISE.
( sighing ): PROMISES MEAN NOTHING.
LOOK, DAD I'M NOT GOING TO USE DRUGS BECAUSE DRUGS ARE FOR LOSERS.
AND I'D NEVER WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
OH PLUS, I WANT TO BE THE FIRST CHUBBY COMIC TO LIVE PAST 35.
AFTERNOON, HANK.
OH, HI, SHERIFF.
AH, ANY LEADS ON THE, UH, MURDERER THAT DON'T POINT IN MY DIRECTION? MRS.
HILL, COULD YOU EXCUSE US A MOMENT.
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND A DIRTY JOKE.
SHERIFF, IF THIS IS ABOUT THE INVESTIGATION I ASSURE YOU, YOU CAN SPEAK FREELY.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE NO SECRETS BETWEEN US.
CIGARETTE? OH, NO, WE DO NOT SMOKE.
THAT'S SMART.
FILTHY HABIT.
SAY, COULD I TROUBLE YOU FOR A LIGHT? UH, I COULD LOOK IN THE HOUSE.
OH, NEVER MIND.
I GOT THIS HERE SILVER LIGHTER.
FOUND IT IN DEBBIE'S APARTMENT.
GOT THE INITIALS H-R-H ON IT.
SAY NOW WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? RUTHERFORD.
RIGHT.
H-R-H.
SO, UNLESS HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCE OF WALES STOPPED BY SUNDAY NIGHT FOR A SMOKE OKAY, THE LIGHTER'S MINE.
IT WAS A GIFT FROM MRS.
ELIZABETH STRICKLAND.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT MIZ LIZ.
AS I SAID I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT MY HUSBAND.
SO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND'S RELATIONSHIP WITH DEBBIE.
MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
WHAT RELATIONSHIP? I HAD NO RELATIONSHIP WITH DEBBIE.
SHERIFF? UH-HUH.
IF I MAY.
Hank: Debbie threatened to tell my wife that we had sexual relations.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU FOLKS HAVE PLENTY TO TALK ABOUT.
Y'ALL HAVE A NICE DAY.
I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH DEBBIE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MY LIGHTER GOT INTO HER APARTMENT.
AND I ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT BEING IN THE BATHTUB WITH A NAKED MIZ LIZ.
DID YOU SEE HER BREASTS? Kahn: HEY, CHARLIE MANSON! CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH ON THIS SUGARFOOT NAPKIN I PULL OUT OF DUMPSTER? IF YOU MURDERER I AUCTION IT ON EBAY FOR BIG BUCKS.
EBAY? WAIT A MINUTE DAMN, THE EBAY AUCTION CLOSED.
I LOST MY WEEVIL.
AH AH, AH, AH ( retching ) KAHN, YOU MAY HAVE JUST MADE MY AUTOGRAPH WORTHLESS.
THE AUCTION FOR THAT PURPLE WEEBLE WOBBLER.
WHAT TIME DID IT CLOSE? 6:58 P.
M.
OH, YOU WANT TO GO IN A CHAT ROOM WITH GENE RODDENBERRY'S WIFE? LISTEN TO ME.
DEBBIE WAS KILLED AT 6:45.
I DIDN'T INHALE UNTIL 7:00 AT THE EARLIEST.
I COULDN'T HAVE BLACKED OUT AND KILLED HER.
SHE WAS ALREADY DEAD.
YEAH, DUDE, YOU WERE HERE SMOKING POT WITH ME.
YOU CAN TELL THAT TO THE COPS.
I'LL BACK YOU UP.
Sheriff: LEAVING THE GET-IN-GET-OUT SO SOON, PAYTON? I'M SURE THERE ARE SOME CANDY BARS YOU HAVEN'T QUESTIONED.
YOU BETTER TAKE THEM THREE MUSKETEERS INTO SEPARATE ROOMS.
MAYBE ONE OF THEM WILL CRACK.
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, SHERIFF.
HOW'D HEE HAW EVER LET YOU GET AWAY? MM-MM.
DO I SMELL PEGGY HILL'S OLD-FASHIONED BUTTERMILK GRIDDLE CAKES? SHERIFF, NOW I'M SURE YOU DID NOT COME ALL THIS WAY JUST TO SMELL PEGGY HILL'S OLD-FASHIONED BUTTERMILK GRIDDLE CAKES.
GUILTY.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, MR.
HILL DEBBIE'S ROOMMATE, GALE, HAS GOT AN INTERESTING ALIBI FOR THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER.
SAYS HE WAS WITH YOU, SPARKING UP A J.
LIGHTING UP A J.
GETTING HIGH? HE SAID THAT? WELL, NOW YOU HAVE A SECOND CRIME TO INVESTIGATE, SHERIFF.
THE ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION OF MY HUSBAND'S CHARACTER.
HOW DARE YOU! MY DAD WOULD NEVER USE DRUGS.
I SAID, GOOD DAY, SHERIFF! MR.
HILL? UH, THE BOY IS RIGHT.
I WOULD NEVER SMOKE POT.
YEAH, YEAH.
YOU'RE AS SQUARE AS A BLOCK OF WOOD.
BUT THIS GALE FELLA, HE'S FROM UP NORTH.
HAIR DOWN TO HIS BUTT CRACK AND A LAYER OF FILTH THAT JUST DON'T WASH OFF.
AND NOW THAT I'VE TALKED TO YOU, I KNOW THAT HE'S JUST A LIAR WHO'S GOT NO ALIBI.
THEY'RE ARRESTING THE MURDERER ON TV.
IT'S A WOMAN.
WHO IS IT? A WOMAN? Hank: THAT'S NOT A WOMAN.
THAT'S DEBBIE'S ROOMMATE.
NUH-UH.
HER NAME IS GALE.
I've never had a homicide go unsolved in Heimlich County and my record stands intact.
Two for two.
BUT GALE COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.
HE WAS HE WAS WHAT, DAD? UH, NOTHING.
COME ON.
SHOW PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S IN THE BACKGROUND.
SHOW PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S IN THE BACKGROUND.
SHOW PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S YES! YOU KNOW, UH, I'M NOT SO SURE THIS, UH-- GALE, IS IT?-- I'M JUST NOT SO SURE HE'S THE RIGHT GUY WHO DID THE MURDER.
WELL, NOW YOU'RE JUST TALKING CRAZY, HANK.
THE SHERIFF ARRESTED HIM.
THAT MEANS HE'S GUILTY.
BILL'S RIGHT.
I SHOULD KNOW.
I'VE SERVED ON FOUR JURIES AND WE DID OUR JOB-- FOUR CONVICTIONS.
IT IS NOT YOUR JOB AS A JUROR TO JUST CONVICT.
IS, TOO.
I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS TO BUCK STRICKLAND FOR THROWING THIS CASE-CLOSED DINNER.
OH, THE PARTY'S ALSO A SEND-OFF TO OUR GOOD FRIEND TEXAS RANGER PAYTON WHO WAS ( chuckles ) UNABLE TO SOLVE THE CRIME.
I HOPE GALE DOESN'T GET OFF ON SOME POTHEAD TECHNICALITY, RIGHT, DAD? WELL, THOSE TECHNICALITIES HAVE A NAME, BOBBY.
THEY'RE CALLED "THE BILL OF RIGHTS.
" OH, HE'S GOT A RIGHT.
HE'S GOT A RIGHT ARM FOR THEM TO STICK THE NEEDLE IN.
Buck: THAT'LL BE SWEET.
Hank: ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
GALE DID NOT KILL DEBBIE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S INNOCENT AND I KNOW THA BECAUSE AT THE TIME OF THE MURDER GALE WAS WITH ME.
WE WERE IN DEBBIE'S APARTMENT AND LIKE HE SAID WE WERE SMOKING POT.
( gasping ) WHO ARE YOU, HANK HILL?! NOW, NOW, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS PO AND GOD KNOWS I DIDN'T ENJOY I BUT THE FACT REMAINS, SHERIFF YOU HAVE THE WRONG MAN IN YOUR JAIL.
THEN, IT WAS BUCK.
NUH-UH, IT WASN'T ME.
IT-IT WAS HANK.
DI-DI-DIDN'T YOU GET THE TAPE? WHAT ABOUT THAT, UH, "HANK" NAME TAG I PUT IN THE BUSHES? IT WASN'T HANK; IT WAS YOU.
NAH, IT WASN'T.
THEN, IT WAS MIZ LIZ.
NAH, IT WASN'T.
ALL RIGHT, FINE, IT WAS ME.
I'M YOUR MAN, SHERIFF.
YOU GOT THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT IF YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST ABOUT FINISHED I'LL TELL YOU WHO KILLED DEBBIE.
DEBBIE'S PHONE RECORDS SHOW SHE CALLED MR.
HANK HILL A SHORT WHILE BEFORE HER DEATH WHICH MEANS SHE WAS HOME AT 6:00 P.
M.
NOW, WHAT WOULD SHE HAVE SEEN IF SHE LOOKED OUT HER WINDOW AT 6:00 P.
M.
, HMM? NORMALLY, SHE'D SEE SHERIFF MUMFORD STUFFING SOME SUGARFOOT'S RIBS INTO HIS FACE BUT ON THIS NIGH SHE SAW MR.
BUCK AND MIZ LIZ STRICKLAND ENTERING THE RESTAURANT WHICH, ACCORDING TO THE SUGARFOOT'S RESERVATIONS BOOK OCCURRED AT 6:03 MISTER, AND 6:04 MISSUS.
SEEING BUCK AND MIZ LIZ BACK TOGETHER MUST'VE THROWN THAT PRETTY LITTLE TANK WIPE INTO A JEALOUS RAGE.
SO WHEN SHE WENT DOWN TO SUGARFOOT'S AH PEGGY SUGARFOOT'S.
AT THE TIME, IT WAS.
YEAH THE POINT IS SHE WENT THERE TO KILL BUCK STRICKLAND WITH THE 12-GAUGE SHOTGUN HE HAD STASHED IN HER APARTMENT.
SO SHE CLIMBED INTO THE DUMPSTER NEXT TO HIS CADILLAC TO LIE IN WAIT.
NOW, SITTING IN A DUMPSTER FULL OF HALF-EATEN BARBECUE CAN MAKE YOU HUNGRY AND, SURE ENOUGH, DEBBIE WEN ACROSS THE STREET, TO THE GET-IN-GET-OUT.
ACCORDING TO THE STORE'S SECURITY VIDEOTAPE AND A WRITTEN DEPOSITION FROM A MR.
FREDDY HAKIMI SHE PURCHASED A BIG GULP AND A 99-CENT NACHO PLATE.
BY BUYING THEM TOGETHER, SHE SAVED 23 CENTS.
MY GOD! THAT IS ONE HECK OF A DEAL.
WHEN DEBBIE RETURNED TO THE DUMPSTER SHE SAW MR.
STRICKLAND'S CAR AND ASSUMED HE WAS STILL THERE.
WHAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW WAS THAT THE STRICKLANDS HAD ALREADY LEFT TOGETHER IN MRS.
STRICKLAND'S CAR HAVING RECONCILED PHYSICALLY IN A STOREROOM AND AGAIN IN THE MEAT LOCKER AND, ONCE MORE, IN THE SLOP SINK.
SHE HAD DIFFICULTY JUGGLING THE THREE ITEMS AS SHE ATTEMPTED TO NEGOTIATE HER WAY BACK INTO THE DUMPSTER.
SHE PUT THE GUN IN FIRST.
SHE WOULDN'T LET GO OF THAT JUNK FOOD AND THAT WAS THE SOURCE OF HER DEMISE FOR AS DEBBIE CLIMBED INTO THAT DUMPSTER HER FOOT ACCIDENTALLY TRIPPED THE HAMMER ON THE GUN.
( grunting ) ( shot firing ) SO, DEBBIE GRUND'S KILLER WAS DEBBIE GRUND.
OH, BUCK, I'M SO RELIEVED.
WHY, I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
YEAH, AND I WOULD HAVE, TOO, MIZ LIZ.
YEAH, I'D HAVE DONE IT FOR YOU.
'COURSE, I THOUGHT YOU DID IT.
THAT'S WHY I PLANTED THE SHOTGUN SHELL IN HANK'S TRUCK-- TO PROTECT YOU.
Miz Liz: YOU PLANTED EVIDENCE FOR ME? YEAH.
AW SUGARFOOT.
OH, SWEETS.
( mumbling baby-talk ) SORRY ABOUT THAT WHOLE FRAME-UP, THERE, TONTO.
I WAS UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.
UH YEAH YEAH, OKAY, UH I GUESS IF MY MISTRESS HAD BEEN MURDERED AND MY WIFE WERE A SUSPECT UH, YEAH.
WELL, I GUESS I LET YOU DOWN, SON DOING DRUGS LIKE THA WHEN I'VE ALWAYS TOLD YOU NOT TO.
YOU KNOW, IF I DID SOMETHING LIKE THIS YOU'D PUNISH ME.
MAYBE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PUNISH YOU.
WELL, OKAY, SON.
WHAT'S MY PUNISHMENT? AM I GROUNDED? THAT'S TOO EASY.
YOU CANNOT MOW THE LAWN FOR ONE WEEK.
Hank: AW, COME ON, SON, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
Bobby: YOU WANT TO GO FOR TWO? Bobby: I SAID, GOOD DAY, SHERIFF!