The Middle s04e15 Episode Script

There are all kinds of Valentine's gifts.
Some are better than others, but the best ones come straight from the heart.
Oh, my gosh.
Brick! I love it.
So pretty.
I know I'm supposed to wait till Valentine's Day, but I just couldn't.
I think it's some of my best work.
And I think you'd be right.
Oh, thank you so much, Brick.
Oh.
I am gonna cherish this forever.
Hey, dad, I know you're probably wondering what I'm doing for Valentine's Day.
I don't exactly have a date, and that could really bum me out, 'cause last year was so great - 'cause I had Matt and everything.
- Your mom's in the kitchen.
She told me you guys were in here.
Anyway, the school is having a dance, and I signed up to be on the cleanup committee.
I may not be in love, but I can still clean up for people in love.
Oh, my God.
Nobody goes to that lame dance.
You're just mad because your girlfriend is out of town.
She's at a wedding something you'll never be in.
I suggest buying a wacky hat and starting your cat collection now.
That's not even an insult.
I love cats.
So, dad, are you doing anything for mom for Valentine's Day? Anything romantic? Ah, we're not those kind of people.
But you have to do something, even if it's just writing her a note or sending a cute text telling her how much you love her.
Well, I'm doing something.
I'm taking the Christmas tree out to the curb without being asked.
This is it? I thought you said Boss Co.
would be in the black by now.
Is black the good one or the bad one? Look, we really ate it, trying to get that possum out of the garage.
Between Darrin's stitches and the rabies shots, we got hosed.
I can still see those pink eyes coming at me.
That's it, dudes.
We're broke.
And we can't lay anybody off, 'cause we're all bosses.
How can we be so powerful and powerless at the same time? I can't believe you're breaking up with me - right before Valentine's Day.
- I'm sorry! Really, I don't know what else to say.
Well, thanks a lot.
Now I don't have a date to the dance.
I hate you! Whoa.
Wait a sec.
There's a lot of guys wanting to get out of relationships before Valentine's Day, right? That way, they can avoid spending all that money and taking things to the next level.
- Go on.
- I will.
Breaking up in person's horrible, and the text dump can be forwarded, land you on the douche list, so what if we did it? Did what? What if guys paid us to break up with the girls for them? Huh? Boss Co.
breakup service.
Okay.
Explain it to me one more time.
Mother? Why is this in the trash? Oh! Thank God you found it! I have been looking everywhere for that.
Uh-huh.
You are a lousy liar.
Okay.
Here's the thing.
You guys bring home a lot of stuff, and that's great, but I can't keep everything, and truthfully, this is not your best work.
And yet you keep this picture Axl drew of two butts orbing in the earth.
Are the butrronauts still up there? Look, Brick, I didn't throw everything of yours away.
I saved the important stuff.
Oh.
Where is it? Put away in boxes.
Can I see it? The years have gone by so fast, I'd like to reminisce.
Reminisce.
That's fine.
But you know, all the current magazines are saying we should live in the present, so Find it.
I've got a date to the dance! Oh! I'm not gonna be a loser after all.
Oh, my God.
I'm so relieved.
I can barely breathe.
So what happened? Well, I just got off the phone with Matt.
Turns out he broke up with Sheri.
I knew it wouldn't last.
And he realized he missed me and loved me and couldn't live without me.
And he asked if he could have the honor of taking me to the Valentine's dance! Oh, honey.
That's so great.
I'm gonna ride my bike over to Carly's and tell her all about it.
Aah! Guess what, dad? I'm going to the dance after all! Romantic, huh? Oh, and I see the tree's still up.
Just sayin'.
Aah! So you are Amanda, right? And you date Connor? Now this may seem abrupt but now that you're both seniors and going to college, he feels it's a natural time to start seeing other people.
- What? - He's very much enjoyed your time together, but I'm afraid that time has come to an end.
And he would've been here himself, but he thought this was for the best.
I can't believe he's doing this.
What a jerk! Don't despair.
You're a beautiful young lady with lots of love ahead of you.
Any guy would be lucky to have you.
Just not Connor.
"I know I never say it, but you're very special to me.
" "You're special to me, too.
" Jim? Ah, Jim, uh hey, listen, about that text Yeah.
I was kinda wanting to talk to you about it, too.
Uh, no.
We don't have to do that.
See, uh, in fact, that text was The nicest thing anybody's ever done.
I'll just say it.
You're the best boss I've ever had, Mike.
Uh, all right, then.
Thanks.
I've been kinda going through a rough patch lately, and you telling me I'm special is just the boost I needed.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I never told anyone this.
But I've always had a hard time fitting in.
When you're a kid, all you wanna do is belong, you know? Sure.
See, I started going bald when I was in grade school.
You ever see a 180-pound It feels good just to say it.
I heard about your guys' service, and I wanna dump my girlfriend, but I don't wanna hurt her feelings.
You've come to the right place, Evan.
What am I signing? Ah, it's a standard release form saying we're not liable if anything goes wrong.
And that if your ex is hot, we, the members of Boss Co.
, reserve the right to ask her out after the appropriate Correction 3-day waiting period.
Sorry, Rachel, but Spencer feels you two have grown apart.
It's never gonna work.
We're sorry, Miss Poltorak, but Mr.
Whiteman thinks you guys are looking for different things.
You're too good for him anyway.
Really? Definitely.
Now could you go online and take a brief survey saying you were broken up with in a kind and courteous manner? Oh, and if you could take a moment to "like" us on Facebook, that would also be great.
So Brick's stuff was missing, and knowing Brick, he wasn't gonna let it go.
I learned my lesson.
Next time I throw away any more art projects, I'm using the dumpster behind the mini-mart.
Anyway, I was desperate, and I knew what I had to do.
Hey, Nancy.
Oh, hi, Frankie.
Wanna come in for a cinnamon bun and watch Dr.
Oz? Oh, no, thanks.
Listen, this is kind of embarrassing, but I can't find any of Brick's old art projects.
I'm pretty sure Mike threw them all out.
Men do the craziest things, huh? Tell me about it.
Remember Ron's perm? Ooh.
Anyway, I was wondering if I could borrow one of your kids' old projects and pass it off as Brick's.
Absolutely.
Believe me, I get it.
Three kids no way you can keep up with everything.
Hey, lookie what I found.
Brick's centerpiece from Thanksgiving.
There's no way in hell Brick made that.
Damn it, and this was the worst one, too.
I can't believe I threw away all my son's stuff.
Seriously, what kind of a mother am I? According to Brick's school, not actively involved.
Well, they're right, Mike.
I'm a terrible, terrible mother.
Uh what were the buttronauts doing in the trash? Do you not understand what the buttronauts represent? They represent butts in space.
Show a little respect.
I'm a good guy, Mike.
I bust my hump around here.
Yeah.
You work hard.
When why didn't I get a sweet, heartfelt text from you like Jim did? Oh, no.
Look, Dave, that was I thought we were more than co-workers.
I thought we were friends.
I mean, we watch games together.
Your family's been to my church.
I even fixed the hole in your kid's wall.
Okay, fine.
You are really valuable around here.
Not feeling it.
You're special to me, too.
All right.
There it is.
Now bring it in for a hug.
Come on.
Okay.
All right.
With Valentine's Day only two days away, the Boss Co.
breakup service was booming.
And nobody knew who was gonna be next.
- We got a runner! - Now let's be grown-up about this.
It'll all be over soon.
Aren't you tired of running, Emma? I'm sorry, but you plus Kyle no longer equals forever.
So, Brick, listen, I've looked all over, but I can't seem to find your stuff, so I'm just gonna be honest with you.
I think your dad threw it out.
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
I really am.
I don't know.
Maybe it's 'cause you're the third kid, or our house isn't big enough, or I'm just a sucky parent, but I don't have your stuff.
You don't have Axl or Sue's stuff either? We're talking about you now.
But the point is, stuff doesn't matter.
What's important is the feeling I had when you gave it to me.
I'll never lose that.
I see.
So it's all gone.
Nothing of mine made an impression.
Interesting.
Because I distinctly remember a ceramic sponge caddy that said "I hate housework.
" I'm sorry.
Do you like housework? Because I think that would be something you would keep.
I'm just gonna say it.
I've been working here longer than Jim or Dave.
If anybody should get a nice text, it should be me.
What about me? You know, I gave my hearing to this place! He gets a text.
I don't get a text.
Hey, hey.
The text wasn't even meant for Jim.
Okay? It was supposed to go to my wife for Valentine's Day.
Wait a minute.
That's what you texted your wife for v-day? She's your lady.
You gotta tell her you love her, man.
I'm with Chuck.
It sounds like you have intimacy issues.
You do throw up walls, Mike.
You should talk to somebody.
Our insurance covers half.
Hey, nobody's throwing up any walls.
And for your information, I didn't just send a text.
I also took the Christmas tree down to the curb without being asked.
Hey, don't be afraid, man.
Tonight, when you're on your futon with your lady, - you just lay - No, no! That's it.
Everybody back to work.
Let's go.
Thanks for your interest.
Oh! Man, I love America.
Now that I'm rich, I guess I should finally start thinking about giving back.
You know, maybe talk to some loser kid at school or plant a bush in a park with a giant plaque with my name on it.
Whoo! Hey.
What's wrong with you, dude? That breakup with Kelly McCarthy was awful.
Totally blindsided her.
She cried her contacts out, and then I heard she failed a calculus test 'cause she couldn't see.
She might not get into college.
I need a man's opinion.
For the dance tonight, should I wear my hair up or down? Over your face.
You can weave it into your braces so it'll stay.
Up.
Thanks.
Mom says my forehead is one of my best features, so Look, Sean, it's just a business, all right? These girls are gonna get broken up with anyway.
If we didn't do it, somebody else would've.
This way, we build a successful company, sell it to the Chinese, buy some recording time, cut a hit album, rock the planet, then start a men's fragrance line.
Yeah, but at what cost? I agree with Sean.
All this money is covered in tears.
Phone! - So get it! - No, you get it! I'm getting ready! I'm in a business meeting! - But you're closer! - So?! - So get it! - No, you get it! Uh, hi, Sue.
This is Matt.
Listen, Sue, I can't take you to the dance 'cause Sheri and I got back together.
So hope you're good.
Again, not taking you to the dance.
Sorry.
Wow.
He can't cancel day of.
I mean, yeah, Sue's a dork, but he knew that going in.
This Matt guy sucks.
Dude, you gotta tell her.
Well, I can't tell her.
She's my sister.
What if she cries or something? I can't comfort her.
I think it's illegal.
Well, don't look at me.
I'm spent.
I don't have another breakup in me.
Fine.
I'll do it.
What's one more girl who doesn't like me? Uh hey, Sue.
Hey, Darrin.
Thanks for the hair recommendation.
It does look better up.
So what do you think? You look really nice.
Thank you.
So listen about that phone call I don't know how else to do this but to come out with it.
Matt's back together with Sheri.
He's a major jerk, and he's not coming to Orson to take you to the dance.
What? Please don't make me say it again.
But Oh.
This is so embarrassing.
Oh.
I bragged to everyone about going to the dance with Matt.
I'm really sorry, Sue.
And I still have to go because I'm on the cleanup committee, and I'm gonna have to walk in all alone and watch everyone having a good time while I mop up their spills and cupcake sludge.
It's getting really hard to stay optimistic about this night! You don't have to walk in alone.
I can take you.
What? Thanks, but you don't wanna do that.
I know seniors don't go to the lame Valentine's dance.
No, I want to.
It'll feel good to do something nice for a change.
Oh, this is all so beautiful.
I love mirror balls.
Yeah, it does look nice.
Hey, come on.
Let's dance.
Yeah.
Okay.
Man, I never thought about how we were hurting people.
Ugh.
What have we done? We're love hitmen.
We made money off other people's pain.
Oh, man! I wish we had a time machine so we could go back and undo everything.
And it would be super cool just to have a time machine.
Super cool.
Hang on a sec.
What's the opposite of breaking things apart? Well, the opposite of fission is fusion.
Everybody knows that.
Okay.
So what if we practice some of that fusion and got one couple together tonight? Right.
Get some isotopes together and wait for a reaction.
Uh yeah.
We're going out to find a couple and get them together to undo all the evil we've done! Okay! Bring back milk! So Axl and Sean tried to get a couple together a journey which led them to the one place seniors never go the Valentine's dance.
Hey, Paige, you look really nice tonight.
So, listen, uh, here's the thing.
You and Wade seemed really good together, so maybe if you guys just talked, uh Beat it, jerkwads.
Haven't you done enough? Ignore them, Paige.
No, no, we're not like that anymore.
We wanna help now.
Ha.
Sure, you do.
'Cause if you get us back together, then you can break us up again and make even more money.
Normally that would be very sound business practice, but I promise you that's not what we're trying to do.
We just wanna undo all we did and make you guys happy.
You wanna make me happy? Let me punch your stupid face! You know, there are chaperones here.
We gotta get outta here.
Look at all the rings Becky's wearing.
So let's whoo! Look out.
Run! Get 'em! Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh! Thank you.
Oh, they're beautiful.
And happy Valentine's Day back.
Mwah.
Well, I stuck to our usual plan and didn't get you anything.
Mm, well, the guys at the quarry had some weirdly strong opinions about what I should do for you for Valentine's Day.
Aw, well, tell them thanks from me.
I know I don't say it enough, but You know Uh-huh.
I do.
So you talk to the guys at work about me.
Sometimes.
You know, you don't have to stay and help clean up.
You've done enough.
It's okay.
I'm having a good time.
Oh, yeah! Nothing but net! Sorry! I still can't believe Matt ditched me.
Forget about Matt.
He's a loser.
Well, on the bright side, this is the second time he's dumped me, so I'll probably get over him faster.
Hey, listen.
I know you're a senior, and you guys don't usually come to the Valentine's dance, but I really appreciate you coming with me.
It was really nice of you.
Truth is I didn't do it to be nice.
Dear Brick, I wanted to take a minute, on this day devoted to love, to let you know that even though I may not be able to find any of your art projects, you are always in my heart.
I'm sorry I'm the kind of mom who's tired all the time, and I know I'm not the most organized person in the world.
Maybe I'm lazy.
I don't know.
But here's the thing.
This is the mom you got.
I'm not perfect.
I'm flawed pretty darn flawed.
But I hope you'll read this and always remember that on Valentine's Day 2013, your mom wanted you to know how much she loves you.
Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie.
All my love forever.
Mom.