Bob's Burgers s04e16 Episode Script

The burglar reportedly went in You gotta hit it just right.
Linda, please use the ladder, or at least let me do it.
I'm fine, Bob.
Just gotta find the sweet spot.
Lin, I'm gonna come over and steady your legs.
All right? There.
You see? Got it.
Have a little faith, you know? I'm not some clumsy idiot who can't whoa! Linda y-you okay? I'm fine, Bob, I just slipped.
Ow! Damn it! - Ow.
That l-looked like it hurt.
- It's not funny, Bob! Check, please.
I know that sounds like I'm saying, "Check, please," but I actually should be going.
So check, please.
Uh-oh.
My wallet is missing.
Better start washing dishes.
I hope I didn't lose it.
I'd hate to have my identity stolen.
I'm sure they'd give it right back.
- Maybe check the bathroom.
- It's worth a try.
Now's my chance to sit in his stool and get the Mort experience.
Oh Oh! You were right! - It was behind the toilet! - Oh, good! Also, there was a rubber band, a marble and a toothbrush.
Those are mine! It's probably a telemarketer.
Bob's Burgers.
No, I don't have anything to refinance.
I wish I did.
Unfortunately, my only equity is in my car and, hello? Oh, they hung up.
- Super freaky, huh? - What? Linda was right about who was calling and where Mort's wallet was.
- Two predictions in a row.
- Try a third one, Mom.
Okay.
The next person to walk in will be tall, dark and handsome.
I I'm already here.
Good one, Papa.
- Thank you, son.
- You're welcome.
I've heard of this before.
Someone gets hit on their head or gets struck by lightning, - and it unleashes psychic ability.
- Right.
Right! Yeah! Everything was blurry for a second.
That's probably when it was unleashed.
Like a dog, when you take a leash off it.
Uh you guys are kind of reaching here.
No.
I've always believed in this sort of thing.
Maybe this is happening to me because I'm open to it.
Nothing is happening to you, Lin, because this sort of thing isn't real.
It was just two small coincidences.
- That's what I call my testicles.
- Gene.
Hmm? Marshmallow in the house.
Now, put a burger in my mouth.
Oh, hey, Marshmallow.
- Tall, dark and handsome.
- That settles it, Mom's psychic.
No, she isn't.
Marshmallow isn't handsome.
She's beautiful.
Blush Tomato, potato, Dad.
Face it, Mom has powers.
Promise me you'll use your powers for good, Mom.
Promise me! I promise.
I promise.
Linda's psychic.
What's your special power? I can crack anyone's back.
Bob, come here.
All right, just this once.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Right there.
There you go.
Yeah.
Ow! Ow! That's it.
That's it.
I'll lay you down on the floor now.
Marshmallow, get off me.
That's not helping.
Oh, my God! That's a knot.
That's all it is.
I can't breathe.
If Mom really is psychic, we're gonna be on easy street.
She can tell us the next big trend in teen fashion.
I'll bet it's butt hats.
Hats for your butt.
No, guys.
I mean, we can finally cash in.
But we got to figure out if she's the real deal.
Mom, what number am I thinking of? Not this again.
Uh four.
No, nine.
No-no-no, four.
No.
No.
Nine.
Is she right? I don't know.
Now that's all I can think of.
That was it.
That was it.
No.
Tina, what number were you thinking of first? I think that was.
Uh four or nine.
No! I see it burning in my brain.
That doesn't prove anything.
So, how do you predict things, Mom? How do you do it?! I kind of close my eyes, and, uh, an image appears in my brain.
That's called "having a thought," Lin.
I don't expect you to understand, Bob.
You'll never understand the psychic realm.
You know, I feel sorry for you.
Let's settle this once and for all.
Dad, you give her a test.
Okay.
If you're psychic, you should be able to tell me what I'm putting in this bowl.
Close your eyes.
You really don't have to make that sound.
Yes, I do.
Give me your hands, Bobby.
Come on.
No.
Give me your hands, I got to feel them.
Fine.
If this go ahead.
It's an orange.
It's an orange.
No Amazing.
Wow No.
No.
No, whoa.
No, amazing.
It's an orange.
Mom's a psychic! No, she's not! Yes, I am! No.
No.
No.
I only make the sound.
Don't make you don't make the sound.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I'm getting an image! It's a "J.
" Do you have someone in your life whose name begins with a "J"? Yes! My accountant Geoffrey! Aha! Oh, but he spells it with a "G.
" Ah Oh! He's Jewish! Aha! You nailed it! I'm meeting with him later today! That's right.
Of course that's right.
He just told you.
Yeah.
Sounds like someone's getting a tax refund.
Whoa! All right, good reading.
I'm gonna file this year! Do me.
Do me.
I'm next.
Out of the way.
Okay.
Okay.
Mort, get out of the way.
Okay, easy.
Give me your hands, Teddy.
Ew, they're sticky.
Mort, stop it! Mort, let her do the reading.
I see a color.
I see a color.
It's your favorite color.
Okay.
And it's a primary color.
That's incredible.
It's, uh I'm picking up shades, uh red.
Nope.
Blue No.
Blue No.
Green No.
Uh yellow.
Yes.
Yellow.
Wow.
Yeah! Yes, yes, yeah.
Wow.
On the 17th try.
She got it, though.
She got it.
Okay.
Oh, I'm getting something else.
Yellow something, uh Yellow what? A ta a taxi? No.
Is it a house? No.
Or a shirt? No Is it a dress? Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a dress.
I'm gonna meet a woman in a yellow dress.
Yeah! Got it.
What else? Uh Th-Th-The change.
What is it, Linda? Lo loose change.
"Loose change"? Yeah.
You're gonna find a quarter.
No, it's a nickel.
And maybe that will change my life? Yes.
- No.
No.
No.
- Yep.
I'm on a path now.
Go meet a woman in a yellow dress and find a nickel.
It's not a scavenger hunt, Teddy.
It is to me.
Bye, everyone.
Oh, I got to rest.
Guys, I figured out how we can use Mom's psychic brain to get us on the gravy train.
So, what's the plan? It involves horses and money and us getting some.
Some horses? Some money Oh.
Hey, kids, how was school? Boring.
Meh.
Fun.
I mean, whatever.
What's going on here? Oh.
Your mother has gone nuts.
I see something, uh it's bell-shaped.
It's, uh Yeah? Maybe it's a bell? Is it the Liberty Bell? That's what it is.
It's the Liberty Bell.
It's the Liberty Bell.
My ex-boyfriend lives in Philadelphia.
Should I go there? Should I get a cheesesteak? Gretchen! Go to him.
I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it! Go to him.
Wait till Philly sees my crack.
Hi, Bob.
Hi.
Bye Stay away from trains! I'm gonna get a train ticket.
Gretchen, come back! No.
No.
Well, maybe trains are fine.
Well, that seemed to work out, Lin.
Yeah.
That was another good one.
Another one down.
Yeah.
You just sent a woman, a grown woman to another state, 'cause you claim you're psychic.
Yeah.
Right.
Great.
I believe in you, Mother.
Thank you, Louise.
You have a gift.
It's gonna make some people nervous.
If this was 1980, you'd be burned as a witch.
Exactly.
On a happier note, which name do you like more: Sea Bagel, Pride of Detroit, Mudbutt or Gelding the Lily? Lily.
Go with the Lily one.
What is this for? Oh.
We're renaming Tina.
Oh! I'm glad I didn't choose Mudbutt.
Okay, guys.
Mom picked a horse in tomorrow's race.
Now all we need is money to place a bet.
You guys have money? If you're asking me to sell my hair, the answer is no! Tina, what's left of your savings? $82.
40.
But, with interest, it could be more than that.
I haven't checked for a while.
I want to be surprised when I look.
Great! We'll put $82 on Gelding the Lily, collect our winnings and split it three ways.
Three ways? But I'm putting up all the money.
But it was my idea, and Gene's your brother.
Probably.
And we'll spend the day looking at horses! Let's do it.
Order up, Lin.
Can you take this over? Shh.
Not now, Bobby.
I'm getting something.
Hold on.
Oh, my God.
This is weird.
I'm feeling something.
No, you're not.
Dizzy Dog, the beloved statue who's welcomed visitors to Wonder Wharf for over 30 years, has been dognapped from his familiar place at the end of the pier, leaving police baffled.
If you have any information on the whereabouts of Dizzy Dog, please call in to our tip line.
Dizzy Doggy.
Hello? Tip line? Seriously, Lin? Hi.
Hello, tip line? Hold on, hold on.
I have a tip.
Are they confused why Jerry Lewis is calling? I You know, I see water.
Uh, Lin, stop.
Hang up the phone.
he's surrounded by water, and I also see Do not do this.
a foamy substance.
This is ridiculous.
Stop.
Bob, I'm on the phone.
And he's crying out.
Dizzy Dog's crying out, "Help me.
Lin, Help me.
Help me.
" hang up.
It was one thing when you were just playing with Mort and Teddy and Gretchen, but when you call in a tip to the news, it's kind of taking things to another level, Lin.
Why is it so hard for you to believe, Bob? Because it's not possible, Lin.
That's what Coach Blevins said about me doing a sit-up, and now look.
Yeah, Dad.
Why can't you just be supportive? Get Mom's back? Yeah.
Aw, forget it.
Tina, I'm not supporting this because it's irresponsible.
And not real.
Oh, yeah? Well, I predict you fall down a flight of stairs.
Is that a threat? No.
It's a warning.
Be very careful, that's all.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Tripity tripity, dibidy do.
What? Look.
Wonder Wharf's own Dizzy Dog is home safe after apparently being knocked off the pier into the ocean.
Yay! Dizzy Dog is safe! The discovery was made thanks to a tip from Linda Belcher, local psychic.
What?! Wow.
Ha! They found him in the water! All right, Mom! We always believed you, Mom.
Remember that? I got power.
Will you pass that rag, Linda Belcher, local psychic? I predict, yes.
Oh, my God.
Dad, why can't you just let Mom have this? Like I let Gene be the family jokester.
I could be that.
So, Lin, I was just curious, when am I gonna fall down that set of stairs? I haven't fallen down a set of stairs yet.
You're stealing her thunder again! So now you believe.
No But if I did, when would it happen? At fall-thirty.
What? See? What? Sorry, Gene, you can say it.
At fall-thirty.
It's funnier when Gene says it.
Yeah.
Hello, Linda Belcher.
Hey! Sergeant Bosco! Apparently, you're some kind of psychic? Yeah.
Well, some people think so.
Oh, my God.
Well, you really came through with that Dizzy Dog thing anyway.
Oh, my God.
I need your help with another case.
A real case.
This is the big time.
Hit me with it.
You're going to help me catch the Little Boy Bandit.
The Little Boy Bandit from the news.
You've got to be kidding.
Mom is a police psychic! Narc! I gotta go lay down.
So you want me to help you catch the Little Boy Bandit? That's a big case.
It's huge.
And I don't want your help, I need it.
I'm desperate on this one.
The Little Boy Bandit has robbed eight businesses in the past month.
That makes me look bad.
I'm not sure about using my powers to catch a little boy.
Like a fairy tale witch.
No, we think he's a very small man wearing kid's clothes, a wig stapled to his baseball cap, and those roller shoes to get away.
Blend into the crowd, you know? Sounds like Sandy Duncan.
Everybody sounds like Sandy Duncan to you, Mom! Sandy Duncan this, Sandy Duncan that.
Oh! Look, I'm under a lot of pressure to catch this guy, and I got nothing! So you're open to the idea of psychic abilities? In any other situation I'd say no and laugh in your crazy face.
But I'm out of leads.
You're my last hope.
You're doomed.
I'll help however I can, Sergeant.
Great.
Let's roll.
Bye, kids! Keep your father away from the stairs! Have Dad run up and down the stairs.
Got it! Your job is on the line and you brought in a psychic? Yeah.
She called the Dizzy Dog thing.
If this doesn't work out, the captain's gonna put you back on patrol.
I'd miss you! Don't worry about it.
So, here are all the places the Little Boy Bandit has hit.
Mm There seems to be no pattern, but maybe you'll get a feeling or something.
Huh, he seems to go after the stores that have little flags on 'em.
Never mind.
Let's just go touch stuff in the evidence room.
All of these items were handled by the Little Boy Bandit during his various robberies.
So grab something and see if you get a reading or whatever.
Wow! What was this used for? Put that down! Hah.
It's for a different case.
Wha-ga-ning.
Okay, but you got the wrong guy.
Really? I think.
Just kidding.
We know we got the wrong guy.
Oh.
Try this.
All right, let's see.
Uh! Nothing's coming to me.
Come on.
Just do whatever you did for the knife! Ticktock! I'm still figuring out how this works! I don't know when it comes and goes.
I hit my head the first time.
Maybe I need to get hit again? Okay.
No, no, no, maybe I'm just hungry or something.
Fine.
Let's go get lunch.
Ooh, do we get free hot dogs from the carts? I do, you don't.
Hi, kids.
Hi, Teddy.
Teddy, guys! This quest your mom sent me on is exhausting.
I haven't found a nickel or any women in yellow dresses.
But I did find this penny in a urinal! Ew.
Ah, no! My pee penny! So why'd you guys want to meet me here? Our mom sent us on a quest, too.
We're supposed to bet on a horse.
Wow! That's much better than finding a nickel.
And we need our favorite Teddy to place the bet for us.
Hey, maybe you'll see a lady in a yellow dress at the track, hmm? Or a horse in a yellow dress.
At this point, I'd take either! So let's go gamble, huh, kids? Uh, need some more buns.
Tripity tripity, dibidy do.
Huh.
Why don't we have a railing? Huh.
Okay.
Easy does it.
Looking good.
Halfway down.
All right, Linda, that's your fourth dog.
Anything coming to you yet? Nah.
Uh, not yet.
Oh, wait, something's coming, something's coming.
Oh.
It's just a burp.
I'm gassy.
Come on, Linda, focus.
Sorry.
Look, if I don't catch this guy, my captain'll tear me a new one.
Now take a look in that brain of yours and tell me where he's gonna strike next.
All right, give me a minute.
Psychics didn't predict Rome in a day, hold on.
Ooh Oh, I see a building.
Good, keep going.
I see walls.
Yeah.
Oh, and, uh, windows.
All right.
You can see right out 'em.
Yeah, I get it.
There's, uh, oh, there's something on the wall.
Maybe pictures.
What are you talking about? Art? - Building with art? - I'm still gassy, uh What about the Wharf Art Center? Is it the Wharf Art Center? War Farts? Wharf Arts.
They have a charity ball thing going on there right now, today.
Lots of wallets and purses and jewelry.
Let's roll.
Let's go down there.
I'm still eating my hot dog.
They have food at the thing.
Tell Mom and Dad that I'll miss them, but I'm home now.
Oh, crap.
Need tomatoes.
Here we go.
Wait a second.
I know how to do this.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You still feel good about this, Linda? I hope you do.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Not that crap, your vision.
Stop eating.
My whole career is on the line.
I have a lot of cops undercover here.
I keep telling him to quit the force and just play.
La, la, la, la, la.
All right, get out of here, you're gonna blow our cover.
Okay, okay.
La, la, la, la.
Shush.
Stop it.
- I'm back.
- Oh, good.
Nothing you told anyone was remotely accurate, and now everyone is mad at you.
What? It's true, Linda.
I went to Philadelphia last night and I find out my ex-boyfriend is married and he's faithful.
Thanks a lot.
Well Yeah, and my meeting with my accountant - was because I'm being audited.
- Aw.
I dry cleaned my Speedo like you said, and now it looks ridiculous.
Yeah, and not only did I not win the shrimp-eating contest, there was no shrimp-eating contest.
And I owe the Shrimp Hut $200.
Aw.
Yeah.
And I have yet to fall down any stairs.
In fact, I've gone up and down many sets of stairs.
Just for fun, once.
So you're not psychic.
But I don't get it.
I got all those other predictions right.
Or did I kind of just use common sense? I guess I saw Mort's wallet falling out.
And telemarketers call around 3:00 every day.
And I guess your hand smelled like oranges.
Oh, God.
I Kaiser-Soze'd myself.
So you're saying you are not I'm not psychic.
Wow, who could have seen that coming? Just me, I guess.
Oh, I'm sorry, everyone.
I'm sorry.
Don't throw Stop throwing things.
I guess I got carried away.
I let you all down.
You sure did.
Well, at least no one got hurt.
Uh-oh.
What? Bosco's in deep.
Because of me, he staked his whole career on the Little Boy Bandit robbing the charity ball.
Bob's Burgers.
Bobby, it's me.
I'm at the track.
Is Linda sure the dress is yellow? Well Could it be a floral pattern? And not a dress but a vest? Teddy.
Teddy.
I think we're supposed to meet, but I'm not feeling any chemistry, to be perfectly honest.
Teddy.
Teddy.
Nothing.
Like, zero.
Teddy.
W-What's up, Bob? Listen, shockingly, it turns out Linda's not psychic.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
That's actually a relief.
I was terrible at her predictions.
But, boy, the kids are gonna be crushed.
Why? They put all their money on that horse Linda picked.
Wait, where are the kids? They're with me at the track.
What? You didn't know, Bobby? No.
You really should keep a better eye on your kids, Bobby.
You know, they could end up anywhere.
In this case, they're safely with me at the track.
Nothing to worry about.
Tina, don't touch that.
Louise, get off of the track, the horses are racing.
I'd better go.
Bye, Bob.
Teddy? Teddy? Okay, you go tell Bosco you're not psychic.
I have to go pick up the kids from the track, where you sent them.
Aw, nuts.
Bosco.
Bosco.
What? What are you doing here? I got bad news.
I guess, uh I guess I'm not a psychic after all.
A real psychic.
Amateur.
What? Well, uh, yeah, uh, sorry.
Listen, I've put everything on the line here, because you said you were psychic.
So you better get psychic and fast.
I'm arresting somebody tonight.
Who you gonna arrest? You.
Me? Yes.
For what? Eating too many hot dogs? Impersonating a psychic.
Oh.
Ooh.
Hey, look.
That's Gelding the Lily.
Our race is next.
I want to get his autograph.
Kids.
There you are.
And Teddy.
Teddy's here, too, Bobby.
Hi, Teddy.
Come on, everyone, let's go.
No, no, no, no, no.
But our race is next.
We already placed our bet.
And Tina is getting an autograph from a horse.
He's not great at holding a pen.
Then can you sign it as him? Ugh, fine.
You just have to put the pen in your mouth.
Uh, I kind of don't have all day.
Here, like this.
Just like you're a horse.
Like how a horse would s would sign an autograph.
See? Oh, you dropped your wig.
Uh, thanks.
What's that for? I am a birthday clown.
I got a thing after the race.
Oops.
You dropped your roller shoe.
What's this for? It is for my clowning.
I'm a roller skate clown jockey guy.
Wow, triple threat.
Oh, my God.
He's the Little Boy Bandit.
What did you say? Me? Nothing.
Uh, have a great race.
Oh, thanks.
W-What? I said thanks.
Did you say thanks? Oh, sorry, you go.
Thank you.
No problem.
I predict this is my husband.
Just kidding, I knew it was.
Caller ID, sorry.
Hello? Linda.
He's here.
The Little Boy Bandit is at the track.
He's a jockey.
What? His race is about to begin.
Tell Bosco.
Get him here as soon as you can.
Bosco.
Good news.
Bobby just called and said Let's go, Gelding the Lily.
He'd run so much faster without metal shoes.
And they're in the home stretch.
Gelding the Lily is pulling away.
Come on.
Come on! He's actually gonna win.
Go! No, no, no, no, no, no! We would have won.
I think I'm gonna have my next birthday party here at the track.
So the Little Boy Bandit will be riding off into the sunset, to jail.
I'm here with arresting officer Sergeant Bosco.
if you commit a crime and you're under five feet tall, Bosco will catch you.
I did have some help, though, from a friend.
My gun.
And his friend, my other gun.
- Oh.
- When's this gonna air? We're live.
Well, I'm just happy that we can all agree now there is definitely no such thing as psychic powers.
Oh, I still believe, Bob.
What? Yeah.
I may not have psychic powers myself, but I know they exist.
After everything that's happened, Lin.
Yes, Bob.
I have faith in the unknown and you don't.
If I had to do it all over again, I would.
Who knows? You got to stay open to this stuff.
Lin, you almost cost a man his job.
But in a way, Mom helped Bosco catch the Little Boy Bandit.
No, she didn't.
We saw him and then called her.
But if Mom hadn't thought she was psychic, we never would have gone to the track in the first place.
Yeah, Dad.
- See, Bob? - You're all nuts.
There is no such thi Ow.
Oh.
Bob? Yup? You all right? Yeah.
Did you just fall? No.
I did not fall.
Okay.
I walked down the stairs.
Walked down the stairs really fast.
I thought I just heard a fall.
G-Gene.
Yeah? Will you come down here for a sec? Sure, I'd love to.
She is psychic.
She is a witch.
Burn her! Nothing's coming to me.