King of the Hill s04e17 Episode Script
Bill of Sales
UM, I'M GETTING A LOT OF INTERFERENCE ON THE BEDROOM TV.
WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU UNPLUG YOUR PEGGY'S PUT DOWN THE CLASSIFIEDS AND COME ON TO BED? UH-UH.
AS A FORMER RESTAURANT MANAGER I AM ACCUSTOMED TO SETTING MY OWN HOURS AND, UNFORTUNATELY, THESE ARE THE HOURS I HAVE SET.
I KNOW YOU MISS RUNNING THAT RESTAURANT OH, IT'S NOT THE RESTAURANT I MISS.
IT'S THE PEOPLE, HANK-- MANAGING PEOPLE TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO AND THEN WATCHING AS THEY DO IT.
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD ASK THE SCHOOL TO LET YOU SUBSTITUTE TEACH THE FIRST GRADE AGAIN.
THOSE KIDS USUALLY DO WHAT YOU TELL THEM.
THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE.
I AM "A NATURAL-BORN LEADER "WHO CAN BUILD BUSINESS FROM ZERO TO INFINITY.
MUST BE HIGHLY MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER, WITH OWN CAR.
" MY GOD.
HANK, THAT'S ME.
PEGGY IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT.
YOU'LL WAKE THEM UP.
OH, NO I AM GOING TO SHAKE THEM UP.
Woman: WHO IS IT? IT IS PEGGY HILL.
( gasps ) WELL, THAT'S THE WHOLE PITCH RIGHT THERE.
ANY QUESTIONS? YES.
METALIFE WHAT IS THAT? PRODUCTS FOR LIVING.
MM-HMM OKAY, THOSE ARE USEFUL AND YOU SELL THEM? YES, AND I HAVE A NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO SELL FOR ME.
OH.
SO, YOU WOULD CONSIDER WHAT YOU DO SALES OR MANAGEMENT? UH, A LITTLE BIT OF MANAGEMENT, MOSTLY SALES.
YES! MANAGEMENT! THANK YOU.
LANEY, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, BUT THAT PIN IT IS SPECTACULAR.
OH, THANK YOU.
SO WERE MY FEBRUARY SALES FIGURES.
I HIT $10,000, WHICH GOT ME IN THE METALIFE DOUBLE-DIAMOND CLUB.
PEGGY, IF YOU WAN TO BE YOUR OWN BOSS COME AND WORK FOR ME.
HEY, MAIL GUY! I'LL TAKE IT.
SIGN HERE PLEASE.
YOU GOT A PACKAGE, PEGGY.
I SIGNED FOR IT.
BUT I WAS HOME, BILL.
I KNOW.
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE BOTHERED.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PUT THE PACKAGE DOWN.
WANT TO GO FOR A WALK? GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE.
OKAY LET'S SEE.
THESE ARE THE METALIFE SHAKES AND HERE ARE THE VITAMINS AND THESE ARE 40-40-20 METABARS.
THAT IS, UH OH, PERCENT.
SO, UH, YOU'RE GOING TO SELL THESE, ARE YOU? WELL, THESE THINGS SELL THEMSELVES-- $18, BOBBY-- WHICH WILL MAKE I VERY EASY FOR THE TEAM OF SALES PEOPLE WORKING BENEATH ME.
WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE ONE OF THOSE PYRAMID SCHEMES.
NO, NOT AT ALL.
AS THE BROCHURE DESCRIBES I IT IS NOT A "PYRAMID"-- IT IS A "TRIANGLE"-- AND IT IS NOT A "SCHEME," HANK-- IT IS AN "OPPORTUNITY.
" GOOD QUESTION, THOUGH.
THIS DOESN'T TASTE LIKE RASPBERRY TRUFFLE AT ALL.
WELL, THEN, HONEY, YOU'RE EATING IT WRONG.
PUT IT DOWN.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
LET'S GET TO IT.
HANK, YOU WILL SELL AT WORK-- YOU'RE ASSISTANT MANAGER.
I WOULD THINK THEY WOULD HAVE TO BUY FROM YOU-- AND, LUANNE, YOU WILL SELL AT COLLEGE.
YOU MUST HAVE MADE A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW FRIENDS THAT YOU CAN PRESSURE.
( clearing throat ) WELL IT'S, UH PROBABLY ABOUT TIME I APOLOGIZED FOR MY MISGUIDED Y2K HYSTERIA.
WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THE WHOLE THING WOULD GO OFF WITHOUT A HITCH? REALLY BROUGHT THE COUNTRY TOGETHER.
YEP, BEST THING THAT EVER COULD HAPPEN, Y2K.
HEY, DALE, ENERGY BAR? I'M GOING THE OTHER WAY, THANKS.
BOOMHAUER, HOW ARE YOU? PROTEIN SHAKE? NO WAY, MAN.
I'M TALKING ABOUT ALL I NEED IS A DANG OL' CHOPPED BEEF IN A BLENDER SOME EGGS, MAN.
I'M TALKING ABOUT A BODY BY BOOMHAUER.
DALE PROTEIN SHAKE? Bill: UH MY TUMMY WOULDN'T MIND A LITTLE SOMETHING.
LET ME TAKE A PEEK AT YOUR WARES.
WHAT'S THAT? THOSE ARE VITAMINS.
WHAT'S THAT? PROTEIN SHAKE.
MM-HMM.
WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S ALSO A PROTEIN SHAKE.
OH.
WELL, WHAT CAN I GET FOR A QUARTER? A SODA, 20 YEARS AGO.
OH, GREAT.
WHAT YOU WANT? HELLO, NEIGHBOR.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY? HEY, THOSE THAT METAVITAMINS? YOU IN THAT RACKET? OKAY, I BUY FROM YOU.
YOU WILL? ( laughing ): YEAH.
YOU WAIT HERE.
I'LL GET MY WALLET.
( humming ) ( humming continuing ) ( Kahn laughing ) ( laughter continues ) Peggy: OKAY, MY PEOPLE, I CALL TO ORDER THE VERY FIRST MEETING OF MY INTERNATIONAL SALES FORCE.
SO, BEFORE WE START, ANY FUN SALES STORIES? HUH? ANYTHING AT ALL? OKAY.
WELL, IT'S BEEN A WEEK, AND AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO PLEASE SEE YOUR ORDER SHEETS.
UH, HERE YOU GO, PEGGY.
ONE SALE? I CAN'T SELL AT THE OFFICE.
IT'S A PROPANE PLACE.
I NEED TO KEEP THAT PURE.
LUANNE, I DID NOT GET YOUR SHEET.
I DIDN'T DO ONE.
OH, BUT I DID GIVE AWAY ALL MY SAMPLES.
WHAT "SAMPLES"? THOSE WEREN'T SAMPLES.
MY GOD, WHAT AM I RUNNING?! YOU THINK ONE SALE BETWEEN THE THREE OF US IS GOING TO KEEP THIS COMPANY GOING? ( sighs ) I AM GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO.
LUANNE, I'M SORRY.
UH, PEGGY, LUANNE'S YOUNG.
SHE'S GOT A GREAT FUTURE AHEAD OF HER.
FIRE ME.
SEND HER A MESSAGE.
I WILL FIRE YOU IF YOUR SALES FIGURES DON'T IMPROVE.
NOW, PUT ON YOUR BUTTON, GO TO THE AIRPOR AND MOVE SOME PRODUCT.
WHAT? YOU GOT ANOTHER PACKAGE.
I SIGNED FOR IT.
MM-HMM.
WHERE IS IT? WELL, LIKE I SAID, I SIGNED FOR I AND I WAS CARRYING IT UP YOUR PATH THEN I GOT TO THINKING YOU ATE MY BARS? NO! I-I SOLD THEM, ON THE BASE ALL OF THEM, EVEN THE RASPBERRY TRUFFLES.
I'M SORRY.
BILL I'M GOING TO USE YOU.
( snickering naughtily ) OKAY.
( grunts ) UGH! PEGGY, MAY I SAY WHAT AN HONOR IT IS HAVE YOU HEARD OF A QUOTA SYSTEM? NOW I GIVE YOU A CERTAIN NUMBER OF SALES THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE BY THE END OF THE MONTH.
SO, WE'LL SAY THIS FIRST MONTH'S QUOTA IS OH, I DON'T KNOW $10,000.
WHAT? NO-NO, THAT'S A LOT OF SALES, PEGGY.
WELL, I THOUGHT AS MUCH.
I'LL, I'LL DO IT.
I-I CAN DO IT.
THEN, THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.
SERGEANT WHERE'S THAT TA-TA ISSUE OF SPORTS ILLUSTRATED? I DON'T KNOW, SIR, BUT IF I WERE YOU I WOULDN'T BE WORRIED ABOUT A MAGAZINE, NO.
I'D WORRY ABOUT, UH OH NOTHING.
WHAT? GENERAL, THE FOLLOWING STATEMEN HAS NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE F.
D.
A.
BUT THE METALIFE PROTEIN BAR CAN REGROW HAIR.
ENERGY BAR! GET YOUR PROTEIN SHAKE! HERE YOU GO, SIR.
THERE, THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, IT'S CHOCOLATE, I THINK.
$10,000 IN HIS FIRST MONTH?! THAT WILLIAM DAUTERIVE IS QUITE A FIND.
WELL, THANK YOU.
I MOLDED HIM MOTIVATED HIM.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
IS HE EXCITED ABOUT THE SAN ANTONIO CONFERENCE? ARE YOU KIDDING? AM I EXCITED? I CANNOT WAIT TO GO.
OH, I-IT'S JUST FOR THE SALESMAN HIMSELF, PEGGY JUST THE DOUBLE-DIAMOND SELLERS, AND A GUEST.
YOUR OWN NUMBERS WERE QUITE SMALL.
WELL, LANEY, MY SALES ARE LOW BECAUSE OF MY MANAGEMENT RESPONSIBILITIES-- YOU KNOW, UH, MEETING WITH MY SUPPLIER AND WELL, I AM YOUR SUPPLIER AND MEETING WITH ME IS-IS, LIKE, TEN MINUTES.
BUT IT IS A 15-MINUTE DRIVE, AND I WAS 20 MINUTES LATE.
PEGGY! IF I KNEW YOU WERE COMING I WOULD'VE PUT ON PANTS.
CAN YOU GIVE ME A MINUTE? BILL, IT'S OKAY.
I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.
NOW, BECAUSE YOU MET YOUR QUOTA ( groans softly ) YOU HAVE WON A TRIP TO THE METALIFE STATE SALES CONFERENCE IN SAN ANTONIO.
DID I MENTION THAT YOU GET TO BRING A GUES AND BUSINESS ETIQUETTE DICTATES THAT YOU INVITE ME? IN MY WILDEST DREAMS, I NEVER THOUGH YOU'D, YOU'D WANT TO GO WITH-WITH ME.
OF COURSE, I WILL TAKE YOU, YES.
I'LL EVEN DRIVE.
I GUESS IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE TO TAKE SEPARATE CARS.
SAN ANTONIO, HUH? WELL, WHEN YOU GET THERE SAFELY CALL ME COLLECT WITH THE NAME "ANTONIO" AND I WON'T ACCEPT THE CHARGES OH, AND IF YOU'RE NOT SAFE, THEN YOU'D USE YOUR OWN NAME.
OH, HANK, MY VERY FIRST BUSINESS TRIP.
I AM FINALLY GETTING THE RECOGNITION THAT I HAVE ALWAYS GIVEN MYSELF.
ISN'T THIS BILL'S TRIP? DIDN'T HE WIN IT? AREN'T YOU JUST HIS GUEST? HANK YOU'RE FIRED.
OKAY, YOU'LL BE IN 21-11.
MM-HMM, AND WHERE AM I? 21-11.
UH, THE SAME ROOM? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW, YOUNG LADY YOU ARE TALKING TO THE SORT OF WOMAN WHO WOULD NEVER, EVER SHARE A ROOM WITH THE SORT OF MAN WHO IS TALKING TO YOU NOW.
LOOK, THIS IS SAN ANTONIO.
YOU CAN'T JUST WALTZ IN HERE ( laughing ): AND EXPECT THERE TO BE ROOMS.
WAIT WAIT A SECOND.
"RIO GRANDE SUITE.
" "SAM HOUSTON SUITE.
" BILL, THESE ARE ALL SUITES.
( gasping ) DON'T LOOK.
DO NOT LOOK.
THAT IS MARTY VAN HOL REGIONAL SALES COORDINATOR FOR METALIFE.
OH, MY GOD, WE ARE RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL FROM FREAKIN' MARTY! ( gasping ) ( gasping ) LOOK AT THIS: "TO OUR DOUBLE- DIAMOND SALES STAFF.
"CONGRATULATIONS.
MIKE DESMOND, C.
E.
O.
METALIFE INTERNATIONAL.
" OH MY GOD.
SAN ANTONIO, BILL.
SHE IS ALL OURS.
PEG, YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL JUST GRAB A NEWSPAPER FIND A CHAIR BY THE POOL TO SLEEP IN.
OH, NONSENSE, BILL.
YOU WILL STAY HERE AND SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
OH, GOOD.
I THINK I WILL HAVE SOME OF THAT CHAMPAGNE, THEN.
ALTHOUGH, TECHNICALLY, IT'S JUST SPARKLING WINE UNLESS IT COMES FROM THE CHAMPAGNE REGION OF FRANCE.
SO, UH LUANNE YOU STILL GOING TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE? UH-HUH.
HMM.
OF COURSE, I'M STILL IN THE PROPANE BUSINESS.
THAT'S WHERE I WAS TODAY.
BOBBY? YEAH? HMM, WHAT? YOU SAID, "BOBBY.
" HMM OH.
YUP.
CAN I WATCH TV WHILE I EAT? NOW, YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER FORBIDS TELEVISION DURING DINNER.
IT'S FAMILY CONVERSATION TIME.
AH, WHO ARE WE KIDDING? HEY, DEAN, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NUMBERS.
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S GOING TO NATIONALS.
WHAT ARE THE NATIONALS? IT'S HOW THEY REWARD THE TOP PERFORMERS.
YOUR MANAGER'S MANAGER.
AND WHERE ARE THE NATIONALS HELD? RIGHT HERE.
SAN ANTONIO? THIS ROOM AND THEY FOLD BACK THAT WALL.
NO! YES! HUH! NOW, THAT PEGGY HILL NEEDS TO SEE.
EXCUSE ME.
BILL, WE ARE GOING TO NATIONALS AND HERE'S HOW.
NOW I'M GOING TO EMPLOY A PIE CHART.
YOU TELL ME IF I LOSE YOU.
OKAY RIGHT NOW, YOU ACCOUNT FOR 100% OF SALES, OKAY? NOW, WHAT I NEED FROM YOU IS MORE SALES.
DO YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD SELL 100% MORE? IF THAT'S MY NEW QUOTA, THAT'S MY NEW QUOTA.
NATIONALS! LET'S GO OUT AND CELEBRATE TONIGHT.
SOMEPLACE FANCY WHERE THEY'LL LEND YOU A JACKET, HUH? I WON'T EVEN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT STAINS.
LANEY! HUH? HONEY, PUT ME DOWN FOR ANOTHER 1,000 BARS.
I AM GOING TO NATIONALS.
1,000 BARS? YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO SELL THEM TO GET TO NATIONALS.
OR BUY THEM YOURSELF.
WE REALLY DON'T CARE.
WELL, THEN, GO AHEAD AND PUT ME DOWN FOR 2,000 OF THOSE BAD BOYS.
MARTY! MARTY! PUT ME DOWN FOR ANOTHER 2,000 BARS.
I'M GOING TO NATIONALS.
MIKE, ANOTHER 2,000 BARS.
BOBBY, WHEN IS THIS MOVIE OVER? I WANT TO WATCH THE NEWS.
THE NEWS? YOU WATCHED THE NEWS YESTERDAY.
COME ON NOW, PEOPLE.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE SHOW, THERE ARE OTHER TVs.
OH, BILL, WILL YOU LOOK AT IT? MMM MEN HAVE WALKED ON THAT MOON.
I GUESS SOMETIMES THE IMPOSSIBLE IS POSSIBLE.
PEGGY? YEAH, JUST LIKE SOME WOULD SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO MOVE 2,000 UNITS BUT I KNOW YOU COULD DO IT.
I ALREADY SOLD HALF.
NO! I TALKED THE HOTEL INTO STOCKING THE MINI-BARS WITH THEM.
YOU DID NOT.
MM-HMM.
OH, MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO NATIONALS! YES! OH, COME HERE.
THIS IS THE DOUBLE DIAMOND PIN THAT YOU WON.
I THINK YOU DESERVE I EVEN MORE THAN I DO.
NO.
NO, I DON'T.
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? BECAUSE, BILL, YOU ARE A KIND, HARDWORKING SUPERHUMAN, PEOPLE PERSON WHO'S TAKING US TO NATIONALS.
OH, BILL DAUTERIVE, I LOVE YOU.
( screaming ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! KEEP THE JACKE KEEP THE PIN, KEEP THE MOON! I QUIT! THE ROOM KEY'S IN THE JACKET.
LANEY, LANEY! CANCEL THE ORDER.
WHAT? I CAN'T CANCEL I SAID CANCEL THE ORDER.
MY STAR SALESMAN JUST QUIT ON ME.
WELL SO? YOU CAN'T RETURN PRODUCT.
THAT'S JUST NOT HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS.
OH, COME ON.
I THINK THE TRIANGLE CAN HANDLE IT.
IT'S NOT A TRIANGLE.
IT'S A DAMNED PYRAMID.
NOW YOU DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET DAUTERIVE BACK IN THE FOLD OR MARTY VAN HOLT IS GOING TO COME DOWN ON US LIKE THE HAMMER OF THE GODS! HI, BILL.
I BROUGHT YOUR MAIL.
OH, LOOK, A POSTCARD FROM PEGGY HILL.
"HAVING A GREAT TIME IN SAN ANTONIO.
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
" MM-HMM, YEAH.
JUST PUT IT IN MY WASTE CORNER ON YOUR WAY OUT.
UH-OH, SOMEBODY LOST WEIGHT.
PROBABLY FROM ALL THAT HUSTLING YOU WERE DOING.
YES, I'M A VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN.
I GET IT.
NOW GO.
HOLD ON, BILL.
DO YOU LIKE BEER? CAN THOSE BIG FEET OF YOURS DO A 180? WELL, BILL, THIS HAS BEEN NICE.
SEE YOU AT THE SALES MEETING TOMORROW? THAT SOUNDS EXCITING BUT TUESDAY'S MY ASS-SCRATCHING DAY.
Peggy: EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREA BUT THEN WHEN I TRIED TO MOTIVATE HIM-- THAT'S A MANAGEMENT TERM-- WITH A LITTLE PRAISE-- MY TERM-- HE GOES PLUMB LOCO-- SPANISH TERM.
YOU MUST HAVE CONFUSED HIM.
BEING DUMPED ON IS ALL BILL KNOWS.
FIRST, THERE WAS THAT CHILDHOOD OF HIS THEN HE JOINED THE ARMY AND THEN MARRIED THAT BACK-BREAKER, LENORE.
AH, WELL, I'M GOING TO GO OIL THE BEARINGS IN YOUR SUITCASE WHEELS.
SAN ANTONIO DUST CONTAINS A LOT OF SILICA.
YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT.
BILL HAS HAD A HARD LIFE AND HE LIKES IT THAT WAY.
HE LIKES TO BE TREATED BADLY.
MM-HMM.
IT'S CALLED PSYCHOLOGY, AUNT PEGGY.
THE DISEASE OF PSYCHOLOGY.
I'M TAKING IT PASS/FAIL.
OH, WELL, OF COURSE.
HE'S CRAZY.
WELL, IF INSULTING HIM IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET BILL BACK TO WORK SELLING IT IS THAT NUT JOB'S LUCKY DAY.
OKAY, LET'S SEE I CERTAINLY CAN'T ATTACK HIS SALES ABILITY.
UM COME ON.
THERE'S PLENTY TO WORK WITH.
IT'S BILL DAUTERIVE.
HE'S BALD, BUT HE STILL HAS DANDRUFF.
I MEAN, WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? AND DON'T FORGET HIS ODOR.
HE'S AFRAID OF THUNDER.
OKAY, GOOD.
BUT SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN.
"HEY, BALDY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING "FOR THE HAIR ON YOUR HEAD "WHY DON'T YOU CHECK YOUR SHOULDERS AND YOUR BACK.
" GET OFF MY LAWN.
I DON'T FERTILIZE WITH POO.
OH, YEAH? WELL, I WOULDN'T WASTE ALL THAT WATER ON YOUR LAWN.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED I TO HOSE YOURSELF DOWN, UH LATER BECAUSE YOU STINK.
I HUH? YOU HEARD ME.
EVEN IN FRANCE, THEY WOULD TAKE NOTICE OF YOUR BAD ODOR.
WELL, YOU WERE RUDE BUT IN THE MORNING, I'LL BE SOBER.
SHUT UP LONELY DIVORCÃ OR "YOU WILL BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
" YEAH, WELL YEAH, WELL, UH OH, NEVER MIND.
YOU COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN ME TO NATIONALS ANYWAY LAZY, GOOD-FOR- NOTHING QUITTER.
WHOA, WHOA, JUST HOLD WAIT, HOLD ON.
JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE, PLEASE.
I'LL SELL ALL YOUR BARS.
I KNOW I CAN.
ONE CHANCE.
TOMORROW MORNING.
MY GARAGE.
7:00.
WELL, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY.
YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF 6:45, MISTER.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD SKIP MY SHOWER.
7:00, IT IS.
BYE.
( grunting ) ( panting ) DON'T YOU WORRY, PEGGY.
SOON AS I LOAD THE LAST BOX OF CHROMIUM BISCUITS INTO MY CAR I'LL START POUNDING THE PAVEMENT.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I DID NOT SAY YOU COULD TAKE A BREAK, DID I? OH, IT'S MY TOE.
I THINK I HAVE A BLISTER.
WELL, IF YOU DO, IT'S NOT FROM CARRYING BOXES FOR ONE DAY.
IT'S FROM CARRYING "THAT HUGE GUT OF YOURS AROUND FOR 40 YEARS.
" YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
( grunting ) OH! ( moaning ) OH, AND DON'T, OW, WORRY ABOUT YOUR DRIVEWAY.
MY OOH TUBE SOCK IS SOAKING UP MOST OF THE BLOOD.
( panting ) ( groans ) BILL.
YEAH? BILL, YOU'RE FIRED.
( stuttering ) I-I CAN DO IT, PEGGY.
OW, OW, OW! I CAN SELL, OW, I CAN SELL ALL THESE, OW! WE CAN GO TO NATIONALS.
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT? NOT IF IT MEANS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF OF A FRIEND.
NO, I NO, NOT YOU.
MY MY FRIEND? NO, NO.
YES, BILL, I AM YOUR FRIEND-- ALTHOUGH I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD ONE.
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR LOW SELF-ESTEEM TO BOOST MY OWN ALREADY HEALTHY ESTEEM.
AND FOR THAT, I APOLOGIZE.
NOW, PEGGY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME.
I-I'M NOT UH-UH-UH! THE NEXT WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH BETTER BE "APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
" APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
SO, FRIEND, BETWEEN YOU AND ME I THINK THIS METALIFE THING IS A SCAM.
YEAH, BUT WHAT A RIDE.
Hank: OF COURSE, I'M STILL IN THE PROPANE BUSINESS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU UNPLUG YOUR PEGGY'S PUT DOWN THE CLASSIFIEDS AND COME ON TO BED? UH-UH.
AS A FORMER RESTAURANT MANAGER I AM ACCUSTOMED TO SETTING MY OWN HOURS AND, UNFORTUNATELY, THESE ARE THE HOURS I HAVE SET.
I KNOW YOU MISS RUNNING THAT RESTAURANT OH, IT'S NOT THE RESTAURANT I MISS.
IT'S THE PEOPLE, HANK-- MANAGING PEOPLE TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO AND THEN WATCHING AS THEY DO IT.
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD ASK THE SCHOOL TO LET YOU SUBSTITUTE TEACH THE FIRST GRADE AGAIN.
THOSE KIDS USUALLY DO WHAT YOU TELL THEM.
THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE.
I AM "A NATURAL-BORN LEADER "WHO CAN BUILD BUSINESS FROM ZERO TO INFINITY.
MUST BE HIGHLY MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER, WITH OWN CAR.
" MY GOD.
HANK, THAT'S ME.
PEGGY IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT.
YOU'LL WAKE THEM UP.
OH, NO I AM GOING TO SHAKE THEM UP.
Woman: WHO IS IT? IT IS PEGGY HILL.
( gasps ) WELL, THAT'S THE WHOLE PITCH RIGHT THERE.
ANY QUESTIONS? YES.
METALIFE WHAT IS THAT? PRODUCTS FOR LIVING.
MM-HMM OKAY, THOSE ARE USEFUL AND YOU SELL THEM? YES, AND I HAVE A NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO SELL FOR ME.
OH.
SO, YOU WOULD CONSIDER WHAT YOU DO SALES OR MANAGEMENT? UH, A LITTLE BIT OF MANAGEMENT, MOSTLY SALES.
YES! MANAGEMENT! THANK YOU.
LANEY, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, BUT THAT PIN IT IS SPECTACULAR.
OH, THANK YOU.
SO WERE MY FEBRUARY SALES FIGURES.
I HIT $10,000, WHICH GOT ME IN THE METALIFE DOUBLE-DIAMOND CLUB.
PEGGY, IF YOU WAN TO BE YOUR OWN BOSS COME AND WORK FOR ME.
HEY, MAIL GUY! I'LL TAKE IT.
SIGN HERE PLEASE.
YOU GOT A PACKAGE, PEGGY.
I SIGNED FOR IT.
BUT I WAS HOME, BILL.
I KNOW.
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE BOTHERED.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PUT THE PACKAGE DOWN.
WANT TO GO FOR A WALK? GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE.
OKAY LET'S SEE.
THESE ARE THE METALIFE SHAKES AND HERE ARE THE VITAMINS AND THESE ARE 40-40-20 METABARS.
THAT IS, UH OH, PERCENT.
SO, UH, YOU'RE GOING TO SELL THESE, ARE YOU? WELL, THESE THINGS SELL THEMSELVES-- $18, BOBBY-- WHICH WILL MAKE I VERY EASY FOR THE TEAM OF SALES PEOPLE WORKING BENEATH ME.
WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE ONE OF THOSE PYRAMID SCHEMES.
NO, NOT AT ALL.
AS THE BROCHURE DESCRIBES I IT IS NOT A "PYRAMID"-- IT IS A "TRIANGLE"-- AND IT IS NOT A "SCHEME," HANK-- IT IS AN "OPPORTUNITY.
" GOOD QUESTION, THOUGH.
THIS DOESN'T TASTE LIKE RASPBERRY TRUFFLE AT ALL.
WELL, THEN, HONEY, YOU'RE EATING IT WRONG.
PUT IT DOWN.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
LET'S GET TO IT.
HANK, YOU WILL SELL AT WORK-- YOU'RE ASSISTANT MANAGER.
I WOULD THINK THEY WOULD HAVE TO BUY FROM YOU-- AND, LUANNE, YOU WILL SELL AT COLLEGE.
YOU MUST HAVE MADE A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW FRIENDS THAT YOU CAN PRESSURE.
( clearing throat ) WELL IT'S, UH PROBABLY ABOUT TIME I APOLOGIZED FOR MY MISGUIDED Y2K HYSTERIA.
WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THE WHOLE THING WOULD GO OFF WITHOUT A HITCH? REALLY BROUGHT THE COUNTRY TOGETHER.
YEP, BEST THING THAT EVER COULD HAPPEN, Y2K.
HEY, DALE, ENERGY BAR? I'M GOING THE OTHER WAY, THANKS.
BOOMHAUER, HOW ARE YOU? PROTEIN SHAKE? NO WAY, MAN.
I'M TALKING ABOUT ALL I NEED IS A DANG OL' CHOPPED BEEF IN A BLENDER SOME EGGS, MAN.
I'M TALKING ABOUT A BODY BY BOOMHAUER.
DALE PROTEIN SHAKE? Bill: UH MY TUMMY WOULDN'T MIND A LITTLE SOMETHING.
LET ME TAKE A PEEK AT YOUR WARES.
WHAT'S THAT? THOSE ARE VITAMINS.
WHAT'S THAT? PROTEIN SHAKE.
MM-HMM.
WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S ALSO A PROTEIN SHAKE.
OH.
WELL, WHAT CAN I GET FOR A QUARTER? A SODA, 20 YEARS AGO.
OH, GREAT.
WHAT YOU WANT? HELLO, NEIGHBOR.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY? HEY, THOSE THAT METAVITAMINS? YOU IN THAT RACKET? OKAY, I BUY FROM YOU.
YOU WILL? ( laughing ): YEAH.
YOU WAIT HERE.
I'LL GET MY WALLET.
( humming ) ( humming continuing ) ( Kahn laughing ) ( laughter continues ) Peggy: OKAY, MY PEOPLE, I CALL TO ORDER THE VERY FIRST MEETING OF MY INTERNATIONAL SALES FORCE.
SO, BEFORE WE START, ANY FUN SALES STORIES? HUH? ANYTHING AT ALL? OKAY.
WELL, IT'S BEEN A WEEK, AND AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO PLEASE SEE YOUR ORDER SHEETS.
UH, HERE YOU GO, PEGGY.
ONE SALE? I CAN'T SELL AT THE OFFICE.
IT'S A PROPANE PLACE.
I NEED TO KEEP THAT PURE.
LUANNE, I DID NOT GET YOUR SHEET.
I DIDN'T DO ONE.
OH, BUT I DID GIVE AWAY ALL MY SAMPLES.
WHAT "SAMPLES"? THOSE WEREN'T SAMPLES.
MY GOD, WHAT AM I RUNNING?! YOU THINK ONE SALE BETWEEN THE THREE OF US IS GOING TO KEEP THIS COMPANY GOING? ( sighs ) I AM GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO.
LUANNE, I'M SORRY.
UH, PEGGY, LUANNE'S YOUNG.
SHE'S GOT A GREAT FUTURE AHEAD OF HER.
FIRE ME.
SEND HER A MESSAGE.
I WILL FIRE YOU IF YOUR SALES FIGURES DON'T IMPROVE.
NOW, PUT ON YOUR BUTTON, GO TO THE AIRPOR AND MOVE SOME PRODUCT.
WHAT? YOU GOT ANOTHER PACKAGE.
I SIGNED FOR IT.
MM-HMM.
WHERE IS IT? WELL, LIKE I SAID, I SIGNED FOR I AND I WAS CARRYING IT UP YOUR PATH THEN I GOT TO THINKING YOU ATE MY BARS? NO! I-I SOLD THEM, ON THE BASE ALL OF THEM, EVEN THE RASPBERRY TRUFFLES.
I'M SORRY.
BILL I'M GOING TO USE YOU.
( snickering naughtily ) OKAY.
( grunts ) UGH! PEGGY, MAY I SAY WHAT AN HONOR IT IS HAVE YOU HEARD OF A QUOTA SYSTEM? NOW I GIVE YOU A CERTAIN NUMBER OF SALES THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE BY THE END OF THE MONTH.
SO, WE'LL SAY THIS FIRST MONTH'S QUOTA IS OH, I DON'T KNOW $10,000.
WHAT? NO-NO, THAT'S A LOT OF SALES, PEGGY.
WELL, I THOUGHT AS MUCH.
I'LL, I'LL DO IT.
I-I CAN DO IT.
THEN, THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.
SERGEANT WHERE'S THAT TA-TA ISSUE OF SPORTS ILLUSTRATED? I DON'T KNOW, SIR, BUT IF I WERE YOU I WOULDN'T BE WORRIED ABOUT A MAGAZINE, NO.
I'D WORRY ABOUT, UH OH NOTHING.
WHAT? GENERAL, THE FOLLOWING STATEMEN HAS NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE F.
D.
A.
BUT THE METALIFE PROTEIN BAR CAN REGROW HAIR.
ENERGY BAR! GET YOUR PROTEIN SHAKE! HERE YOU GO, SIR.
THERE, THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, IT'S CHOCOLATE, I THINK.
$10,000 IN HIS FIRST MONTH?! THAT WILLIAM DAUTERIVE IS QUITE A FIND.
WELL, THANK YOU.
I MOLDED HIM MOTIVATED HIM.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
IS HE EXCITED ABOUT THE SAN ANTONIO CONFERENCE? ARE YOU KIDDING? AM I EXCITED? I CANNOT WAIT TO GO.
OH, I-IT'S JUST FOR THE SALESMAN HIMSELF, PEGGY JUST THE DOUBLE-DIAMOND SELLERS, AND A GUEST.
YOUR OWN NUMBERS WERE QUITE SMALL.
WELL, LANEY, MY SALES ARE LOW BECAUSE OF MY MANAGEMENT RESPONSIBILITIES-- YOU KNOW, UH, MEETING WITH MY SUPPLIER AND WELL, I AM YOUR SUPPLIER AND MEETING WITH ME IS-IS, LIKE, TEN MINUTES.
BUT IT IS A 15-MINUTE DRIVE, AND I WAS 20 MINUTES LATE.
PEGGY! IF I KNEW YOU WERE COMING I WOULD'VE PUT ON PANTS.
CAN YOU GIVE ME A MINUTE? BILL, IT'S OKAY.
I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.
NOW, BECAUSE YOU MET YOUR QUOTA ( groans softly ) YOU HAVE WON A TRIP TO THE METALIFE STATE SALES CONFERENCE IN SAN ANTONIO.
DID I MENTION THAT YOU GET TO BRING A GUES AND BUSINESS ETIQUETTE DICTATES THAT YOU INVITE ME? IN MY WILDEST DREAMS, I NEVER THOUGH YOU'D, YOU'D WANT TO GO WITH-WITH ME.
OF COURSE, I WILL TAKE YOU, YES.
I'LL EVEN DRIVE.
I GUESS IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE TO TAKE SEPARATE CARS.
SAN ANTONIO, HUH? WELL, WHEN YOU GET THERE SAFELY CALL ME COLLECT WITH THE NAME "ANTONIO" AND I WON'T ACCEPT THE CHARGES OH, AND IF YOU'RE NOT SAFE, THEN YOU'D USE YOUR OWN NAME.
OH, HANK, MY VERY FIRST BUSINESS TRIP.
I AM FINALLY GETTING THE RECOGNITION THAT I HAVE ALWAYS GIVEN MYSELF.
ISN'T THIS BILL'S TRIP? DIDN'T HE WIN IT? AREN'T YOU JUST HIS GUEST? HANK YOU'RE FIRED.
OKAY, YOU'LL BE IN 21-11.
MM-HMM, AND WHERE AM I? 21-11.
UH, THE SAME ROOM? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW, YOUNG LADY YOU ARE TALKING TO THE SORT OF WOMAN WHO WOULD NEVER, EVER SHARE A ROOM WITH THE SORT OF MAN WHO IS TALKING TO YOU NOW.
LOOK, THIS IS SAN ANTONIO.
YOU CAN'T JUST WALTZ IN HERE ( laughing ): AND EXPECT THERE TO BE ROOMS.
WAIT WAIT A SECOND.
"RIO GRANDE SUITE.
" "SAM HOUSTON SUITE.
" BILL, THESE ARE ALL SUITES.
( gasping ) DON'T LOOK.
DO NOT LOOK.
THAT IS MARTY VAN HOL REGIONAL SALES COORDINATOR FOR METALIFE.
OH, MY GOD, WE ARE RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL FROM FREAKIN' MARTY! ( gasping ) ( gasping ) LOOK AT THIS: "TO OUR DOUBLE- DIAMOND SALES STAFF.
"CONGRATULATIONS.
MIKE DESMOND, C.
E.
O.
METALIFE INTERNATIONAL.
" OH MY GOD.
SAN ANTONIO, BILL.
SHE IS ALL OURS.
PEG, YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL JUST GRAB A NEWSPAPER FIND A CHAIR BY THE POOL TO SLEEP IN.
OH, NONSENSE, BILL.
YOU WILL STAY HERE AND SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
OH, GOOD.
I THINK I WILL HAVE SOME OF THAT CHAMPAGNE, THEN.
ALTHOUGH, TECHNICALLY, IT'S JUST SPARKLING WINE UNLESS IT COMES FROM THE CHAMPAGNE REGION OF FRANCE.
SO, UH LUANNE YOU STILL GOING TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE? UH-HUH.
HMM.
OF COURSE, I'M STILL IN THE PROPANE BUSINESS.
THAT'S WHERE I WAS TODAY.
BOBBY? YEAH? HMM, WHAT? YOU SAID, "BOBBY.
" HMM OH.
YUP.
CAN I WATCH TV WHILE I EAT? NOW, YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER FORBIDS TELEVISION DURING DINNER.
IT'S FAMILY CONVERSATION TIME.
AH, WHO ARE WE KIDDING? HEY, DEAN, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NUMBERS.
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S GOING TO NATIONALS.
WHAT ARE THE NATIONALS? IT'S HOW THEY REWARD THE TOP PERFORMERS.
YOUR MANAGER'S MANAGER.
AND WHERE ARE THE NATIONALS HELD? RIGHT HERE.
SAN ANTONIO? THIS ROOM AND THEY FOLD BACK THAT WALL.
NO! YES! HUH! NOW, THAT PEGGY HILL NEEDS TO SEE.
EXCUSE ME.
BILL, WE ARE GOING TO NATIONALS AND HERE'S HOW.
NOW I'M GOING TO EMPLOY A PIE CHART.
YOU TELL ME IF I LOSE YOU.
OKAY RIGHT NOW, YOU ACCOUNT FOR 100% OF SALES, OKAY? NOW, WHAT I NEED FROM YOU IS MORE SALES.
DO YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD SELL 100% MORE? IF THAT'S MY NEW QUOTA, THAT'S MY NEW QUOTA.
NATIONALS! LET'S GO OUT AND CELEBRATE TONIGHT.
SOMEPLACE FANCY WHERE THEY'LL LEND YOU A JACKET, HUH? I WON'T EVEN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT STAINS.
LANEY! HUH? HONEY, PUT ME DOWN FOR ANOTHER 1,000 BARS.
I AM GOING TO NATIONALS.
1,000 BARS? YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO SELL THEM TO GET TO NATIONALS.
OR BUY THEM YOURSELF.
WE REALLY DON'T CARE.
WELL, THEN, GO AHEAD AND PUT ME DOWN FOR 2,000 OF THOSE BAD BOYS.
MARTY! MARTY! PUT ME DOWN FOR ANOTHER 2,000 BARS.
I'M GOING TO NATIONALS.
MIKE, ANOTHER 2,000 BARS.
BOBBY, WHEN IS THIS MOVIE OVER? I WANT TO WATCH THE NEWS.
THE NEWS? YOU WATCHED THE NEWS YESTERDAY.
COME ON NOW, PEOPLE.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE SHOW, THERE ARE OTHER TVs.
OH, BILL, WILL YOU LOOK AT IT? MMM MEN HAVE WALKED ON THAT MOON.
I GUESS SOMETIMES THE IMPOSSIBLE IS POSSIBLE.
PEGGY? YEAH, JUST LIKE SOME WOULD SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO MOVE 2,000 UNITS BUT I KNOW YOU COULD DO IT.
I ALREADY SOLD HALF.
NO! I TALKED THE HOTEL INTO STOCKING THE MINI-BARS WITH THEM.
YOU DID NOT.
MM-HMM.
OH, MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO NATIONALS! YES! OH, COME HERE.
THIS IS THE DOUBLE DIAMOND PIN THAT YOU WON.
I THINK YOU DESERVE I EVEN MORE THAN I DO.
NO.
NO, I DON'T.
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? BECAUSE, BILL, YOU ARE A KIND, HARDWORKING SUPERHUMAN, PEOPLE PERSON WHO'S TAKING US TO NATIONALS.
OH, BILL DAUTERIVE, I LOVE YOU.
( screaming ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! KEEP THE JACKE KEEP THE PIN, KEEP THE MOON! I QUIT! THE ROOM KEY'S IN THE JACKET.
LANEY, LANEY! CANCEL THE ORDER.
WHAT? I CAN'T CANCEL I SAID CANCEL THE ORDER.
MY STAR SALESMAN JUST QUIT ON ME.
WELL SO? YOU CAN'T RETURN PRODUCT.
THAT'S JUST NOT HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS.
OH, COME ON.
I THINK THE TRIANGLE CAN HANDLE IT.
IT'S NOT A TRIANGLE.
IT'S A DAMNED PYRAMID.
NOW YOU DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET DAUTERIVE BACK IN THE FOLD OR MARTY VAN HOLT IS GOING TO COME DOWN ON US LIKE THE HAMMER OF THE GODS! HI, BILL.
I BROUGHT YOUR MAIL.
OH, LOOK, A POSTCARD FROM PEGGY HILL.
"HAVING A GREAT TIME IN SAN ANTONIO.
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
" MM-HMM, YEAH.
JUST PUT IT IN MY WASTE CORNER ON YOUR WAY OUT.
UH-OH, SOMEBODY LOST WEIGHT.
PROBABLY FROM ALL THAT HUSTLING YOU WERE DOING.
YES, I'M A VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN.
I GET IT.
NOW GO.
HOLD ON, BILL.
DO YOU LIKE BEER? CAN THOSE BIG FEET OF YOURS DO A 180? WELL, BILL, THIS HAS BEEN NICE.
SEE YOU AT THE SALES MEETING TOMORROW? THAT SOUNDS EXCITING BUT TUESDAY'S MY ASS-SCRATCHING DAY.
Peggy: EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREA BUT THEN WHEN I TRIED TO MOTIVATE HIM-- THAT'S A MANAGEMENT TERM-- WITH A LITTLE PRAISE-- MY TERM-- HE GOES PLUMB LOCO-- SPANISH TERM.
YOU MUST HAVE CONFUSED HIM.
BEING DUMPED ON IS ALL BILL KNOWS.
FIRST, THERE WAS THAT CHILDHOOD OF HIS THEN HE JOINED THE ARMY AND THEN MARRIED THAT BACK-BREAKER, LENORE.
AH, WELL, I'M GOING TO GO OIL THE BEARINGS IN YOUR SUITCASE WHEELS.
SAN ANTONIO DUST CONTAINS A LOT OF SILICA.
YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT.
BILL HAS HAD A HARD LIFE AND HE LIKES IT THAT WAY.
HE LIKES TO BE TREATED BADLY.
MM-HMM.
IT'S CALLED PSYCHOLOGY, AUNT PEGGY.
THE DISEASE OF PSYCHOLOGY.
I'M TAKING IT PASS/FAIL.
OH, WELL, OF COURSE.
HE'S CRAZY.
WELL, IF INSULTING HIM IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET BILL BACK TO WORK SELLING IT IS THAT NUT JOB'S LUCKY DAY.
OKAY, LET'S SEE I CERTAINLY CAN'T ATTACK HIS SALES ABILITY.
UM COME ON.
THERE'S PLENTY TO WORK WITH.
IT'S BILL DAUTERIVE.
HE'S BALD, BUT HE STILL HAS DANDRUFF.
I MEAN, WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? AND DON'T FORGET HIS ODOR.
HE'S AFRAID OF THUNDER.
OKAY, GOOD.
BUT SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN.
"HEY, BALDY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING "FOR THE HAIR ON YOUR HEAD "WHY DON'T YOU CHECK YOUR SHOULDERS AND YOUR BACK.
" GET OFF MY LAWN.
I DON'T FERTILIZE WITH POO.
OH, YEAH? WELL, I WOULDN'T WASTE ALL THAT WATER ON YOUR LAWN.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED I TO HOSE YOURSELF DOWN, UH LATER BECAUSE YOU STINK.
I HUH? YOU HEARD ME.
EVEN IN FRANCE, THEY WOULD TAKE NOTICE OF YOUR BAD ODOR.
WELL, YOU WERE RUDE BUT IN THE MORNING, I'LL BE SOBER.
SHUT UP LONELY DIVORCÃ OR "YOU WILL BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
" YEAH, WELL YEAH, WELL, UH OH, NEVER MIND.
YOU COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN ME TO NATIONALS ANYWAY LAZY, GOOD-FOR- NOTHING QUITTER.
WHOA, WHOA, JUST HOLD WAIT, HOLD ON.
JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE, PLEASE.
I'LL SELL ALL YOUR BARS.
I KNOW I CAN.
ONE CHANCE.
TOMORROW MORNING.
MY GARAGE.
7:00.
WELL, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY.
YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF 6:45, MISTER.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD SKIP MY SHOWER.
7:00, IT IS.
BYE.
( grunting ) ( panting ) DON'T YOU WORRY, PEGGY.
SOON AS I LOAD THE LAST BOX OF CHROMIUM BISCUITS INTO MY CAR I'LL START POUNDING THE PAVEMENT.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I DID NOT SAY YOU COULD TAKE A BREAK, DID I? OH, IT'S MY TOE.
I THINK I HAVE A BLISTER.
WELL, IF YOU DO, IT'S NOT FROM CARRYING BOXES FOR ONE DAY.
IT'S FROM CARRYING "THAT HUGE GUT OF YOURS AROUND FOR 40 YEARS.
" YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
( grunting ) OH! ( moaning ) OH, AND DON'T, OW, WORRY ABOUT YOUR DRIVEWAY.
MY OOH TUBE SOCK IS SOAKING UP MOST OF THE BLOOD.
( panting ) ( groans ) BILL.
YEAH? BILL, YOU'RE FIRED.
( stuttering ) I-I CAN DO IT, PEGGY.
OW, OW, OW! I CAN SELL, OW, I CAN SELL ALL THESE, OW! WE CAN GO TO NATIONALS.
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT? NOT IF IT MEANS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF OF A FRIEND.
NO, I NO, NOT YOU.
MY MY FRIEND? NO, NO.
YES, BILL, I AM YOUR FRIEND-- ALTHOUGH I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD ONE.
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR LOW SELF-ESTEEM TO BOOST MY OWN ALREADY HEALTHY ESTEEM.
AND FOR THAT, I APOLOGIZE.
NOW, PEGGY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME.
I-I'M NOT UH-UH-UH! THE NEXT WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH BETTER BE "APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
" APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
SO, FRIEND, BETWEEN YOU AND ME I THINK THIS METALIFE THING IS A SCAM.
YEAH, BUT WHAT A RIDE.
Hank: OF COURSE, I'M STILL IN THE PROPANE BUSINESS.